All language subtitles for Mr. Sunshine - 01x06 - Lingerie Football.LOL.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Say what you will about
the Unites States of America,

but we put a man on the moon,

and women play football
in their underwear.

We put a man on the moon?
That is awesome.

You know, I often wonder
why we talk at all.

Ben. Jessie! Jessie, hi.
Roman, this is Jessie.

Jessie is the star quarterback

of our arch rivals,
the Seattle Mist.

We've managed to put that
rivalry behind us three times.

Well, two and a half times, but
I've rounded up. Hi, Roman.

Hunhwa. Roman says,
"it's nice to meet you."

He also says, "hunhwa."

So, Jessie, you wanna
hang out after the game?

You know, a little rubdown, hit
the showers, tape each other up?

Have a drink?

Whoa, slow down.
Okay. One drink.

Bye, Ben.
Hmm.

See that?
She's gonna put her helmet on

and then play football
for our enjoyment.

Is this a great country
or what?

Hey, how do you just talk
to a woman like that?

Well, first of all, it helps
to use actual words.

Yeah, I wish I could tell
Heather how I feel.

I just get so scared.
Well, that's a healthy fear, Roman.

She's tried to kill people.
She's layered. She is just so layered.

Yeah.

So here we
are, guys... the best suite in the house.

Got your full bar,

a 50-inch flat screen,

wireless Internet,
courtesy of something

you guys probably invented
when you were 12.

Jimmy, check out the 1080p/24.
That's hilarious.

Yeah, pinch me.
We're in the future.

So if you guys want

burgers, popcorn, candy,
it is all on the house.

Really? It's all free?
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I just
made another million dollars,

but free nut clusters...

Uh-huh. Uh, hey.

Hey.
Who are those jerks?

Uh, the Wagner brothers.

And they're not jerks. They're
dot-com billionaire jerks.

I'm trying to get them to donate
a pile of dough to build

a children's center. Oh. You want some help?
I'm pretty good at closing deals.

And you did a great job with
the jolly pretzel negotiations,

baby, but charity isn't sales.
I know, but I can...

appreciate it, but I got this.
Let daddy drive the bus.

Let who drive the what?
What?

Whoa! Who ordered hottie
with extra sexy?

I just made another million...

Or my mom is texting me again.

Well...

Good luck with that, daddy.

...Steps around,
and then gets the ball out...

I'm still driving the bus.

Crystal, I got your urgent text.
What can I do for you?

Look at my face, Benjamin.
Okay.

Can you tell my expression
is oddly pensive? Sure.

We're gonna need to pull an all-nighter.
Oh, I can't. I can't.

I'm having meaningless sex
with a quarterback tonight.

I've gotta prepare.
I've gotta get some tape

and... basically, I just
have to get some tape.

Well, I'm very sorry,
but I'm being audited,

and I'm told
that's very ririous.

I innocently mixed some
of my personal expenses

with the arena's expenses.
I could lose everything.

I'll order pies.

I don't want pies.
You have to help, Benjamin.

You can have sex with that man some other time.
It's a woman. It's a woman quarterback.

Don't we have
a ton of accountants?

Who are all those bald people upstairs who never say hello?
Our hairless accountants are excellent.

The problem is, they have a very
strict legal sense of the law.

We just have to go through these statements.
Well, I can't. I can't. I-I can't do it.

I think it's so funny that
you think this is a request.

You're like
a cute little button.

A button on top of a bunch

of other little buttons.

Sit down!

Touchdown Seattle,

and Jessie Carver
celebrates with

her signature and provocative
end zone pole dance.

Hunhwa.

Ohh.

♪ Mr. sunshine ♪

♪ yay ♪

Here's a big-ticket item
that has me a little confused.

In 1997, you purchased Ecuador?

It's a long story. I briefly dated a man
named Marcos. Put it under "travel."

- Benjamin, are you comfortable here?
- I think you know that I'm not.

You're right. Let's move into my
secret back office. Oh, God. No.

You know you've always wanted to see it.
No, I specifically told you I never wanted to see it.

I don't want the staff
to know we're in jeopardy.

We need to protect them.
I'm staff. Protect me.

Come, Benjamin. Enter my special world.
Does that open the door?

No.

I'm sorry.

This is just so much
to be frightened of

all at the same time.

This is good. We'll get
more work done here.

Benjamin, have you ever
loved and lost?

Is that the men's locker room?

I come back here to meditate,

get at peace with myself.

I think there's something
bothering you

besides the audit.

No, just the audit...
you know, tax forms,

acquisition indebtedness,
capital expenditure.

Am I gonna die alone?
I don't know.

What's the longest amount of time
I could leave for? Ten minutes.

I'll see you in ten minutes.
Great. I'll put on a pot of rum.

What's up?

I'm writing to Franklin,
my pen pal in San Quentin.

He shot a young nurse.

Mm. Is that one
of Alonzo's charity things?

Nope. Just for fun.

I look for convicts
in the Metro section

and write to the ones
with the sweetest eyes.

Or eye.

Roman, I need you. Oh!
Say hi to Franklin for me.

Okay, I'm stuck with your mom,

but I'm gonna figure out
a way to escape.

Now if Jessie shows up here
before I do, just keep her here.

Will she expect sex from me?

No, and this is very important... do
not expect sex from her. Got it. No sex.

Just entertain her somehow.
Oh, maybe magic tricks or impressions?

Yododo any magic tricks?
No.

Do you know any impressions?
No.

Just keep her here.
No. Yes.

It says here under
"entertainment expenses"

that you bought a cheetah.

Yes. It was fun at first.
Now I never use it.

I'm glad you're here, Ben.

This is helping.

Let's play all the old songs.

All of them?

Touchdown!

Is this great, fellas, or what?

There's lolot
of pretty girls out there.

Yeah, you know where there
aren't a lot of pretty girls?

In here. I'm bored.

They told us we'd be
hanging out with an nba star.

That's me. I played in the NBA.
Yeah, I think it was the "star" part we were questioning.

Well, I had
a couple good years.

You have a ralphs club card on your key chain.
Hey, I played with Charles Barkley.

The fat guy from
the phone commercials?

All right, listen, thanks.
This has been a blast adolpho...

Alonzo. Fun little room,
but we're gonna jet

up to L.A. and see what Ashton Kutcher's up to.
Hey, where are you guys going?

Alonzo has some people
that really want to meet you.

We're done with
our series "a" investment.

Have him call our CFO.
All right, but Jade and Brandi are gonna be

really disappointed.

Sorry, girls.

What are you doing?
Mama's driving the bus.

Kutcher is kind of a tool,
right?

Wanna see how long I can hold my breath?
Oh, I'm good.

That's it. Ohh.

When's Ben getting here?

This pie
is not making me feel better.

Well, maybe you shouldn't
have eaten the last three

with a shoehorn.
I thought I'd find a prize inside.

You know how they have
prizes in pies?

That's not a thing, Crystal. Well, it should be.
Now there's a moneymaker.

Speaking of money, I've been
going through these statements,

and I've noticed some of
the more questionable items...

the cheetah, the stunt plane,
Ross Perot's cord blood...

good-bye, Lupus.

Yes. My point is that
I'm noticing a pattern.

All the more expensive items
were all bought

on the same date... today's date.
That's not a pattern. That's just something

that happens year after year
on the same date.

Today you bought a motorcycle.
What's going on?

What is the thing about tonight?
I don't have to answer that.

You do if you want me to stay here.
Let's play the old songs.

Okay, if you'll excuse me,
I have a date

with a star quarterback, who, I'll remind
you, is a woman. There's no audit.

I buy these things
to distract myself,

but it never works.

Today's my wedding anniversary.

Which one?
You've been married six times.

Only five of them were
consummated sexually,

if you need to know.
I don't need to know almost all of this.

I'm talking about
my third husband... Billy.

We were so happy together,
and then one day

I turned around,
and he was gone.

It ended so suddenly.
I never saw him again.

Now I guess I never will.

Is he dead?

In a way.
He lives in oceanside.

I hear he hangs out in a bar
not too far from here.

Our bar.

Great fries. They're French.

I've tried to stop by there
many times over the years,

but I never got up the nerve.

Please stay with me, Benjamin.

I-I don't want to be alone.
I don't have anybody else.

Ohh. The quarterback
sent me a picture.

She's so...

Smart.

I'll be right back.

Jessie, I am so sorry.
Oh.

My boss threw
some last-minute stuff at me.

Just give me one more hour,
and I promise,

I will make this a night
you will always remember.

If the sex doesn't do it,
we can steal a car

or blow something up, but we will remember this night.
You've got one hour, Ben Donovan,

and then I'm outta here.

Oh, and, Ben...

Wow. In mine or in yours?

You know what?
Don't answer that.

Let's keep this romantic.

You have to keep her here.

Yeah. Hey, I realized I do
a pretty good Robert De Niro.

I'll just
keep her here. Yeah.

Okay, we're going to the bar
where Billy hangs out.

No, Benjamin! I can't do that. Yes, you can.
You have to confront him and get answers

to all the unanswered questions
that you two have together.

That way, you'll never
have to spend another night

like this again.

And nsnsequently,
neither will I.

And we have to get all of that done in...
54 minutes. Benjamin, you're right.

I need closure.
I have to have closure.

Let's go. We'll take my car.
I'll drive.

Oh, I don't think
that's a good idea.

You seem emotionally unstable.

You're right. Let's take my hog. You just slapped me.
You just slapped me in the face.

How are you feeling?

Emotionally unstable.

All right. Blue, 42!
Hut. Hut. Hike!

Lingerie football is not
the same.

Since the league expanded,
I don't even know

who to root for anymore.
Yeah, I guess we've all got problems.

I don't think I could name
half the lineup

for the Miami Caliente.
I don't want to be talking to you anymore.

Yeah, okay. Y-you know, guys, uh,
if we don't get that funding,

then we won't be able to build the center.
Okay, first down! Huddle up! Huddle up!

And if they don't have
the center,

the children will have
nowhere to go after school.

Their mothers will lose
their jobs.

Some of those kids will join gangs and carjack you.
Time-out!

Will you please take it easy?

You made poor Jade cry.
Oh, I'm the jerk?

Those guys already made
an iPhone app about me

called "alonzo sucks."
Ohh.

It's actually kinda fun.
What are you doing?

I could've gotten drunk
and done body shots with 'em.

Will you chill out?
Have a drink.

♪

That's apple juice.

♪ welcome to wherever you are ♪

It's only apple juice.

Oh, now you want to talk?

There he is.

The... the guy
with the guitar?

Oh, we had
a great band together.

Wait.
You were in a band?

We were like
Ike and Tina Turner,

but without the edge and with
none of the hitting. I see.

Oh.
Billy, Crystal and friends.

That well-placed comma saved us a lot of lawsuits.

Oh, look, he's taking a break.
You can do this. Oh.

What are you doing?

I have a life, too. I thought you were
talking to Billy. Well, I couldn't do it.

Well, you have to do it.
You have to do it right now.

You have to confront him
for leaving you.

Leaving me? Billy didn't
leave me. I left him.

You said, you turned around,
and he was gone.

No, I left the bar
with another man one night,

and Billy chased after
our car for a few blocks,

but eventually, I turned around, and he was gone.
I've mentioned to you that I could be sleeping with

a lingerie football player right now, right?
It was the classic story.

Our career was just taking off,
when one night,

Maurice Cohen, owner of
the sunshine center, walked in.

Sure, he was fat and old,

and, okay, he couldn't
really walk, per se,

but he tipped me 1,000 bucks,

and I jumped in the back
of his town car,

took a hit off his oxygen tank,
and never looked back. Cute meet.

My insatiable need
for wealth and success

made me walk away fr
the one true love of my life.

That's why this night
is so hard for me.

That's why I have
this weird feeling.

What weird feeling?
I don't know if there's a name for it.

You know that crazy feeling
some people get

when they don't approve
of their own behavior?

Shame? (Sighs) Yes. That's it.
"Shame," as you call it.

Well, I have to say,
I've never seen Crystal Cohen

ashamed before, and I once saw you shoot a dolphin.
I was defending my yacht.

What, I'm supposed
to give the animal a pass

because he's beloved by little
children and fat secretaries?

Look at him,
still singing

in the same old dive
after all these years.

It's so sad.

Oh, my God, Jessie.

Oh, just go back
to your strumpet.

I'll be all right.

Damn it, Crystal!
I'm staying with you!

Well, you don't have to yell at me.
Yes, I do!

Ben, go! This isn't your job!
I'm not staying as your employee!

I'm staying as your friend!
Thank you, Benjamin.

Well, you're very welcome!
It's really my pleasure!

Okay.
I'm running out of time.

Please don't make me take
another picture.

There's really
no other place to go.

Talent's not allowed
in the executive offices.

I was invited, sweetie.

Oh. Well, in that case,
I'll leave you two alone.

I heard from Franklin.

He sent me
a really sweet letter

and the pp
of his cell mate's finger.

No reason. Just 'cause.

Someone's got
a crush on someone.

I know, and how am I supposed
to compete with that?

I can't cut off
a man's finger.

Franklin is too romantic.

Not Franklin. She's totally into you.
Oh, no.

Did you see her? She looked
like she wanted to kill me.

Yeah, she looks at everyone
that way.

Believe me, she digs you.
You could totally have her. Really?

Yeah.

I'd love to get her.
I just... I don't know how.

Easy. Flash a wad of cash, fill
her up with some Malibu rum,

tell her you're already dating
somebody, and then boom!

Oh. I didn't mean "get her"
like that. Jeez.

I meant, uh, get her
to have lunch with me,

get her to rely on me
to be there for her.

Uh, to get her to do
any more without that,

it just seems kinda empty.
I mean, don't ya think?

You should tell her that.

Ohh. I don't have the nerve.

Turn around.

Oh, Roman.

Heather.

Ohh.

I have made so many bad choices
in my life.

Okay, okay.
Who's got the next round?

I got it.

Whoa.
Younger brother's buying, huh?

That's not how it usually
works in my family.

Hey, Alonzo, you should work
on Jimmy for the new center.

He's the one with
the... Money!

Uh, I have more money than he does.
O y yeah?

Well, how much are you
donating to the center? W...

$100,000. Wow.
Jimmy, you gonna put up

with your older brother
showboating like that?

Pfft. Typical
older brother crap, right?

He's the big man, the
one in charge. $200,000!

$500,000!
$750,000.

$800,000!
$900,000.

Have I ever told you
I love you?

A million.
Yeah, but it's nice to hear.

$1.3 million!
$1.5 million!

All right! Boys, boys, boys.
That's enough.

Let's put a stop to this
right now. Jimmy wins.

What? No. $2 million!
Hike me the nuts!

♪

I ruined his life.
What can I say to him?

Well, just tell him
you're sorry.

Tell him how much
he meant to you.

Oh, it's too complicated.

Maybe I can help.

No. Oh! No, no, no,
no, no. Benjamin!

Hi. Hi. Do you...
do you take requests?

No, but I have one.

Uh, could you take
your money out of my drink?

Oh. Yeah.

Oh.

No, no, no, no!

Okay. Come on. Here we go.
You can do this. No! Benjamin! I can't!

Yes, you can.
No, I can't!

Come on.
Get on stage. Go, go.

I... (Sighs) I... I... I...

♪ I've been so many places ♪

♪ in my life and time ♪

♪ sung a lot of songs ♪

♪ I've made some bad rhymes ♪

♪ I've acted out my life
on stages ♪

♪ with 10,000 people watching ♪

♪ but we're alone now ♪

♪ and I'm just singing this song
for you ♪

♪ I know your image of me ♪

♪ is all I hope to be ♪

♪ I treated you unkindly ♪

♪ but, Billy, can't you see ♪

♪ there's no one
more important to me? ♪

♪ darlin', can't you
please see through me? ♪

♪ we were alone and... ♪

♪ we were alone ♪

♪ and I was singing
this song for you ♪

That's my boss.

Shh.
Okay.

♪ I love you in a place
where there's no space or time ♪

♪ I love you for my life ♪

♪ you are a friend of mine ♪

♪ And when my life is over ♪

♪ remember
when we were together ♪

♪ we were alone ♪

♪ we were alone♪

♪ and I was singing
this song for you ♪

♪ we were all alone ♪

♪ we were alone ♪

♪ and I was singing this song ♪

♪ for you ♪

Can you ever forgive me?

I've been fine since you left.

Oh, you're so brave.
No, seriously.

I got some of my best songs out of that heartbreak.
So you're doing well?

Spectacular.
I own this place now.

Wow. That's great.

Yep. It's great.

Losing you was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

I'm just saying, I'm happy
now, Crystal. Uh-huh.

I'm really, really happy.
Yeah. Yeah, I understand.

I haven't had a lonely night
or a bad day since. I get it.

Hey, I want you to meet
my wife Tammy.

I'd like to punch you in
your fat face right about now.

Okay, well, I think we have some closure.
How about that? Would you like that? You like that?

Why don't you get offstage?
You like tha

get offstage.

Do you know any Cat Stevens?

Oh, man.

How are you feeling?

Oddly at peace.

I feel like I could die
right now.

I made it.
I'm leaving.

What? No! Why?

Roman taught me something
tonight, Ben.

Well, that doesn't seem
remotely possible.

Sex means nothing without love.
Love?! How did that come up?

He was just supposed
to babysit you... sit wi y you.

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm not
the woman that I thought I was.

Of course you are.

You're this woman right here...

And here... and... oh, God!
Don't look at that.

Good night, Ben.

What the hell is that?

What did you do?

- What?
- Jessie, you gave her self esteem.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

Haha... squidward

Ben, you're killing me right now.

Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com