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1
00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:05,373
Oh, here's great news.
2
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:06,874
What, they cloned
Peyton Manning?
3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,376
(Mike chuckles)
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,977
No, better.
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,546
Well, actually, not better.
Different.
6
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:15,083
Eve's coming home from the
Air Force Academy this weekend.
7
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,985
What?! That's great!
Well, it's been months.
8
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,887
What, uh...
what are you guys gonna do?
9
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,989
I don't know. Whatever
she wants. It's her weekend.
10
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,491
All right, well, whatever
you're doing, count me in.
11
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,759
Batting cages,
shooting... cages.
12
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,428
(mutters): Cages.
13
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,697
Pretty sure they outlawed
shooting cages years ago.
14
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,699
All right, well, whatever.
Whatever.
15
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:35,169
Look, I like our daughter, and
I want to spend time with her,
16
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:38,038
and that means
spending time with you.
17
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,842
Thanks for making
that sound like a chore.
18
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,877
No, I'm just saying,
she's been daddy's little tomboy
19
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:45,179
since she was ten.
20
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,747
Do you remember
when she was ten?
21
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,250
She used her tea set
for skeet shooting practice.
22
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,719
"Throw it up, Dad! Pull!"
(imitates gunshot, whistles)
23
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,354
Just-just warms my heart.
24
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,923
No, actually, that was
my tea set, and for a week,
25
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:59,627
I had to drink my tea
out of a bowl, like a cat.
26
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,229
Okay, how about this?
How about this?
27
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,896
I do something with her,
then you do something with her.
28
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,465
No, she doesn't want
to do anything with me.
29
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,434
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
She loves doing stuff with you.
30
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,035
Like, like, um, you...
31
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:11,272
Um, you, um... hmm.
32
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:17,445
Oh, well, you have, uh...
Oh, boy, that's...
33
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:19,713
I keep... Okay.
34
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:23,050
What would be fun for us
to do with her together?
35
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,885
(gasps)
How about this?
36
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,621
How about... how about, uh,
Sunday Morning Breakfast Club?
37
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:28,956
-Great!
-Yeah.
38
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,424
-Why didn't I think of that?
-Yeah.
39
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,059
Because I don't know
what that is.
40
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,463
Well, when you were
on the road with Outdoor Man,
41
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,131
I would make pancakes
for the girls
42
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,966
with whatever special ingredient
they wanted--
43
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,768
chocolate chips,
marshmallows, sprinkles.
44
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,603
Wait. Whoa, whoa.
So when I was gone,
45
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,572
you-you had cake for breakfast?
46
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,240
Well, yes, it's sweet,
47
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:49,343
and everybody loves it,
just like you.
48
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:52,079
Everybody loves a compliment,
and that worked, so I'm in 100%.
49
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,081
-Okay.
-I will tell Eve
50
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,949
to get ready
for her Breakfast Jamboree.
51
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,152
Mm-mm. Breakfast Club.
52
00:01:58,186 --> 00:01:59,920
No. New law from California.
53
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,591
If you have sprinkles in it,
it's called a "jamboree."
54
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,559
*
55
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,166
-Hey, hey.
-Welcome home.
56
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,101
-Hey!
-Hello!
57
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,103
Oh. I like the salute.
58
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,672
I want all my daughters
to start doing that.
59
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,175
Force of habit.
Cadets learn it's safest
60
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:23,277
to salute anything
that looks older and taller,
61
00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:25,279
which, for me,
is just everybody.
62
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,381
-Hey.
-Welcome home.
63
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,383
Thanks.
I thought you'd be at work.
64
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,385
I'm the boss.
I can do whatever I want.
65
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,288
-Oh.
-I got to be back in 23 minutes.
66
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,324
Mm. You know what?
You've been gone so long,
67
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,158
I just...
I can't stop hugging you.
68
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,794
Yeah, that was kind of a problem
while you were driving.
69
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,296
(Vanessa laughs)
70
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:43,831
All right, look,
I'll put this away.
71
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,666
-I got it.
-Oh. Whoa! (laughs)
72
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,701
Gosh, you've gotten so strong.
73
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,505
So, uh, what's the plans
for the weekend?
74
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:52,906
Mom wouldn't give me
any details,
75
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,475
but she said
it was something big.
76
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,909
So... bear hunting?
77
00:02:57,445 --> 00:03:00,180
Better than bear hunting.
Get ready for this.
78
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,316
Sunday Breakfast Club.
79
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:05,085
Uh, is that a show on NPR
or something?
80
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,190
NPR in this house?
81
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,661
You have been gone a while.
82
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,729
Well, well, what is it?
83
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,366
That Sunday Morning
Breakfast Club thing
84
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,067
you did when I was on the road.
85
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,236
Pancakes, pajamas, sprinkles?
86
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:23,737
Oh, right.
That had a name?
87
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,239
According to your mom, it did.
88
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,575
I do remember Mandy and Kris
ganging up on me
89
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,677
over what to watch.
Good luck with that now.
90
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,713
I've learned eight
different ways to snap a neck.
91
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,114
Lucky for you.
92
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,116
Mandy can't even
snap her fingers.
93
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,587
It will be fun this weekend.
94
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,622
At least let your mom think
it's fun, okay?
95
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,892
Of course, Dad.
You've raised an excellent liar.
96
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,561
Okay. (sighs)
97
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,730
Got your bag halfway
down the hall.
98
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,800
Pilates just doesn't really
work the upper body, so...
99
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,968
I'll get it. I'll get it.
100
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,970
Dad just told me
about Breakfast Club.
101
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,572
-Yay!
-Yay! I love it.
102
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,741
It's gonna be so much fun.
103
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,477
And if it isn't that much fun,
she's got a new tea set.
104
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,319
-Morning, everybody.
-Hey, Baxter. Hey.
105
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,653
-Eve get home okay?
-Mm-hmm.
106
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,922
-Did you tell her I said "hi"?
-Ah, shucks.
107
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,157
I forgot. I'll go back.
108
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,227
Look at that-- our new busboy!
109
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,431
Oh, man.
Listen-- two things.
110
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:28,001
It's very hard work, but...
the hours are long.
111
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,673
Welcome aboard, Jen. Let me know
if you have any problems.
112
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:36,276
Well, somebody did eat my lunch
out of the break room fridge.
113
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:40,113
Uh, wait, what's that I hear?
Someone ate Jen's lunch?
114
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:43,617
Yeah, that's-that's
the full report so far, Ed.
115
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:46,520
Uh, attention,
everyone, please.
116
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:49,156
It seems
that in our midst is someone
117
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:51,925
who does not understand
boundaries.
118
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:55,128
You see, Jen-- the newest member
of our family-- (clears throat)
119
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,865
brought a delicious meal
of, um...
120
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:00,233
(speaking Chinese)
121
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,036
Yes, yes, that, that, and see,
122
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,306
someone got to it
before she did.
123
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,942
On behalf of Outdoor Man,
I apologize.
124
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,178
Thank you, Mr. Alzate.
125
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,213
And if it happens again,
126
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:16,216
-I'll be eating one of you.
-(Chuck chuckles)
127
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,186
It'd be a bigger threat
if all your food wasn't soft.
128
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,462
So then the squirrel
put his head inside
129
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,130
the bag of corn chips.
But then,
130
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,665
when he pulled his head back up,
131
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:35,469
the bag was still on it,
like a little hat.
132
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,071
(laughs)
Oh, I wish I had it on video.
133
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,741
Yeah, I wish I could get
the last 20 minutes
134
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,342
of my life back.
135
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,745
Hey, uh, interrupting?
136
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,547
Yeah, and I love you for it.
137
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,582
Uh, so, Kris was telling me
138
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,317
about this whole
Breakfast Club thing.
139
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,252
Oh, yeah.
Mandy's so excited.
140
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,522
When I was growing up,
the breakfast club was just
141
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,390
the thing you got hit with
when your mom couldn't find
142
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,225
the lunch stick.
143
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,160
Anyway, uh, I wanted
to let you know
144
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,729
that Kris won't be there.
145
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,664
Wait a minute, what do you mean
she can't be there?
146
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,733
Uh, her due date is next week,
147
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,101
and I just want her home in
a more controlled environment.
148
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:11,739
Says the perfect
control freak.
149
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,841
How is that being controlling?
150
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,609
Second babies come faster, okay?
151
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,244
And I want Kris to be
at our house,
152
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,680
where I've packed the go-bag
and a birthing plan,
153
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,749
and a detailed breakdown
of which doctors and nurses
154
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,551
work well together.
155
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,553
Look, Ryan, I totally get it,
and it's impressive
156
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,588
how you've got all the details
of this birth worked out
157
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:31,525
that raise no red flags
whatsoever.
158
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,427
Okay, well, then I will
just explain to Vanessa
159
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:34,695
why Kris can't come.
160
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,963
No, no, no, come on.
This is...
161
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,298
this is important that the girls
are there, all right?
162
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:41,234
If she goes into labor,
you know I'm gonna call you.
163
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:44,371
Look, I wasn't there
the first time Kris gave birth.
164
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,940
Okay? And I don't want to take
any chances this time.
165
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,142
So if you insist that
she be there,
166
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,310
then I am coming, too.
167
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,745
Come on, Ryan, it's one night.
168
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:52,880
She's gonna be fine.
Listen...
169
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,448
Kyle, tell Ryan he's being
ridiculous.
170
00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:57,117
All right, Mandy's pregnant,
too; should I be worried?
171
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,819
She's not due for seven months.
172
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,888
Ryan, tell Kyle
he's being ridiculous.
173
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,624
Yeah, but if Kristin
goes into labor,
174
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,793
maybe it'll make Mandy
go into labor.
175
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,261
You know, what if having a baby
is like yawning?
176
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,931
It's contagious.
177
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,834
Yeah, yeah, I'd like to see you
ask any woman giving birth,
178
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,336
"Hey, is this like yawning?"
179
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,405
All right, if Ryan's going
to the Breakfast Club thing,
180
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,406
then I'm going, too.
181
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,174
Oh, I am definitely going.
182
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,243
Okay. Guess I have no choice.
183
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,278
All right.
Oh, on your way out,
184
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,614
I want you to get
under that couch.
185
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,516
I have a dinner bat
I'd like to...
186
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,122
MIKE:
Okay, here's
187
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,825
how it goes, all right? You got
five minutes in the morning
188
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,628
to eat something
and say your hellos, right?
189
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,631
Then you got to go downstairs
or upstairs.
190
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,299
Common areas, off-limits.
191
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,969
You have never sounded more
like my mother.
192
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,272
Thanks for letting us do this.
193
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,641
I hope Vanessa wasn't
too upset.
194
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,142
She took it pretty well.
195
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:58,011
-Hey, there she is.
-Hey, welcome back.
196
00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:00,380
Whatever.
197
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,850
She, on the other hand,
did not.
198
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,885
Maybe we should
go talk to her.
199
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,988
No, I'll talk to her.
I'll be right back.
200
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:11,291
Eve. Totally unacceptable.
201
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,493
Tough. I'm really upset.
202
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,563
Keep your voice down, please.
203
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,866
It's not fair.
I only get one weekend here.
204
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,168
Yeah, I know, you wanted
to make a special weekend
205
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,570
with your sisters,
206
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,337
but...
207
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:26,907
come on, they're family.
208
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:31,378
Ryan and Kyle are great, but
they're just not my sisters.
209
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:34,548
Oh... Sorry,
there's nothing I can do.
210
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:37,250
I just thought I could have
one day with them,
211
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,919
like we used to
when we were kids.
212
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:42,756
I guess that was just
a stupid dream.
213
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:45,258
I'm just a stupid kid
with a stupid dream!
214
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,429
You're not stupid.
215
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,165
I just feel like...
216
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,367
Sometimes I feel...
217
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:57,871
(mouthing)
218
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,707
Cold?
219
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,443
Scared! Scared, scared.
220
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,412
Cold and scared.
221
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,716
Why don't Ryan and Kyle
want me to feel safe?
222
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:12,552
I don't think it's about safe.
I think they think this is love.
223
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:15,222
-Hey.
-Hey, I needed a minute.
224
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:18,358
Okay, Mike. Wow.
Let's talk.
225
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,895
Yeah. We heard what
you guys were saying.
226
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,598
Damn it.
227
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:27,367
I told her to keep
her voice down.
228
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,070
And yet, somehow she got louder.
229
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,174
I'm a Baxter.
I always get louder.
230
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,279
We just didn't realize that
this was so important to you.
231
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,481
So we're gonna leave.
232
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,884
Cool. See you later.
233
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,820
Okay, Mike, you win this one.
234
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,488
But I am gonna be
sleeping in my car
235
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,823
with the motor running, okay?
236
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,925
So call me if anything happens.
237
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,628
Cool. See you later.
238
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:57,698
Hey, you are brave.
239
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,807
Listen, how committed are you
to this Air Force thing?
240
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,842
You might try acting.
241
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,182
Well, the way I heard it,
the squirrel got his head
242
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,616
-stuck in a bag.
-Uh-huh.
243
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,953
-And when he sat up,
it looked like a hat.
-Huh.
244
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,289
I heard it was a bear.
245
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:26,660
All right, how would a squirrel
get his head stuck in a bear?
246
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:29,797
-No. Ed, I'm...
-(stammers)
247
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:33,000
Oh, come on!
It happened again?
248
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,468
-Oh...
-Yes. Look at me.
249
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:38,505
I can't afford to skip a meal.
250
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,774
Unbelievable. This is...
this is unbelievable.
251
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:43,043
Chuck, what are we gonna do
about this? Huh?
252
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:46,446
Surveillance cameras?
Poison booby traps? What?
253
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,350
I can put a sign on the fridge.
254
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,519
Excellent, do that. Don't worry.
255
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,287
-We're gonna put a stop
to this madness.
-CHUCK: Yeah.
256
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,790
Well, I don't want someone
to get in trouble.
257
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:57,958
No, hey, it's too late for that.
258
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,326
-Ed's on the warpath.
-ED: Yeah.
259
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,161
Good, because I do want someone
260
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,830
-to get in trouble.
-Oh, yes.
261
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,532
Now, if you'll excuse me,
262
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,935
I have to go home
and get more food.
263
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,009
What has two thumbs,
is super excited for a sleepover
264
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,046
and pees every five minutes?
(chuckles)
265
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:22,249
-This gal!
-(chuckles)
266
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,753
I can't wait till I pee
every five minutes.
267
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,255
I love being pregnant.
268
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,024
Oh! Good, you're back.
269
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,392
Did you get everything
on the list?
270
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,862
-Yeah?
-Yes. Pancake mix, bacon, eggs,
271
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,030
assorted sugary toppings.
272
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,531
There was a six-year-old in line
273
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,033
that asked
if he could come live with us.
274
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,535
(Mike and Vanessa chuckle)
275
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,437
Hey, where are you going
with that bag?
276
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,607
There's nothing in here
you need to know about.
277
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,578
You know what,
this warms my heart.
278
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:53,580
Tomorrow,
all my girls are gonna be doing
279
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,615
the Sunday Morning
Breakfast Club again.
280
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,284
Just like when I was a kid.
281
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,685
Except that I'm pregnant.
282
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,254
Just like when I was a kid.
283
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,693
Hey, why don't we watch
something we watched
284
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,628
when we were little,
like, um, The Princess Diaries.
285
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,697
-Mmm, uh, The Princess Bride.
-Yeah.
286
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,799
What about the Corpse Bride?
287
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,366
You know what?
Just forget the bride.
288
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,734
Let's just watch something
with a corpse in it.
289
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,569
-No.
-Ew.
290
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,371
Sorry, Eve. Two to one.
291
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,108
Yeah, you lose again.
Just like the old days.
292
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,110
Yeah, the olden days. Terrible.
293
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,879
Country was divided.
Nobody trusted the president.
294
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,648
Good thing we fixed that.
295
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,651
Let's go get into our jammies.
296
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,921
-Ooh, yeah, mani-pedis.
Ooh, oatmeal facials.
-Mmm.
297
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,823
Okay, this is where
I head to the den
298
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,257
to watch action flicks.
299
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,258
-Oh.
-MANDY: Okay.
300
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,492
Those have corpses in them.
I'm in.
301
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,894
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Hey, Mike.
302
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,130
Mike, Mike. Mike,
hang on a sec. Hang on a sec.
303
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:46,299
Uh, listen, I...
I really appreciate
304
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,268
-everything you've done.
-Anything for you, honey.
305
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,237
Yeah, yeah. Well, uh, really?
Because there...
306
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,073
-there is one more thing
I need you to do.
-Whatever you want.
307
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,108
-Leave.
-(chuckles)
308
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,511
Like, forever?
309
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,786
You want me to leave. So,
where would you like me to go?
310
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,188
I don't know.
Wherever you used to go
311
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,357
when I...
when I did this with the girls.
312
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,660
-Oh. You want me to go
to Southeast Asia.
-No.
313
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:16,796
No. No, no, no, closer, you
know, in case there's a fire.
314
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,098
Um... Oh, you know what?
315
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,467
Uh, could you sleep
in your truck?
316
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,537
So, what I'm getting, you...
317
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,207
you want me here
as long as I'm not here.
318
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,809
-So, really,
couldn't be clearer.
-(sighs)
319
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,478
No, you know,
I-I think I figured out
320
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,213
why I love these breakfasts
so much.
321
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,448
The girls would gang up on Eve,
322
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,184
like-like they did just now,
and then...
323
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,120
and then she would come hang
with me.
324
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,354
You want them to pick on her?
325
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,890
No, no, no,
it's not that I want that.
326
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,224
It's-it's just...
327
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,826
It's a good thing.
(chuckles softly)
328
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,828
She doesn't need to be bullied
to want to hang out with you.
329
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,230
-She loves
spending time with you.
-Yeah,
330
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:53,166
but unfortunately, she likes
spending time with you more.
331
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,202
-Guys.
-Let me try to explain...
No, Mandy, give me a second.
332
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,804
Just a second. Listen, just
because we have shared interests
333
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,973
-doesn't mean she likes me
better than she likes you.
-No, no, no.
334
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,074
-Guys!
-No, Mandy, stop. No, look,
335
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,342
it just is something I feel,
336
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,476
-that-that this is...
-Uh, guys?
337
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,345
I think I'm in labor.
338
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,915
Why didn't you say something?
339
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:10,250
Honey, hey!
340
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,818
MIKE:
I'm gonna text Ryan.
341
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,853
Is there a birth emoji?
342
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,658
-(laughs)
-Mr. Alzate?
343
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,893
-Mr. Alzate?
-Yeah.
344
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,694
-I hate to tell you this.
-Yeah?
345
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:22,930
-Oh.
-Oh.
346
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,365
-For the love of Satan's dinner.
-(sighs)
347
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,901
Okay, I'm gonna make a new sign.
348
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,669
It's gonna be bigger
and all caps.
349
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,539
"Eat your own food."
350
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,508
It's okay, Mr. Larabee.
351
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,045
-I'll handle this.
-Okay.
352
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,713
Hey, everybody!
353
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,416
Somebody ate my lunch. Again!
354
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,953
It was spot prawn fried rice
355
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:48,455
with shiitake mushrooms.
356
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,457
But one of you
already knew that.
357
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,891
Okay.
358
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,293
Mm-hmm.
359
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,794
And I have a warning
360
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,064
-for whoever ate it.
-Hmm.
361
00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:00,567
I added a little-known pepper
362
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,303
called làjiao.
363
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,139
Loosely translated,
364
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:09,943
it means "time bomb."
365
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,878
It's also known
366
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,148
as "the widow-maker."
367
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,416
(Ed and Chuck chuckle)
368
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,318
-Why would they call it that?
-JEN: Oh,
369
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,787
it's mild at first,
but once digested,
370
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,755
you beg for death.
371
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,791
(laughs)
372
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:28,595
Oh, this is going to be fun.
373
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,998
I brought some Burmese ginger,
374
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:34,401
which is the only remedy.
375
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,336
So, come see me when you're
in the most
376
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,539
excruciating pain of your life,
Mr. Sticky Fingers.
377
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,876
Or Karen.
378
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:48,281
I understand you're upset,
but you've crossed the line.
379
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,883
May I see you
in my office, please? Hmm?
380
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:56,156
Okay, now, just, uh...
all right.
381
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,091
Quick-quick, j-just give me
the ginger.
382
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,260
Give me the ginger.
383
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,861
The ginger.
384
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,630
-You ate my lunch?
-Please.
385
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,265
I thought I could get away
with just one bite,
386
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,966
but then I had another
and another and ano...
387
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,669
It just made more sense just to
finish it. Please, just...
388
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,804
-Come on.
-You can't buy your own lunch?
389
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,873
Of course I can.
I'm a very rich man.
390
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,609
I can fly to China and get
a lettuce cup if I want.
391
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,979
But there's something
about your cooking that's...
392
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,182
-It's just...
-Free?
393
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:25,618
Jen, please. Sorry.
394
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,387
Just give me the ginger, please.
395
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,222
You don't need it.
396
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:32,025
I lied about the pepper
to catch you.
397
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,794
Boom!
398
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,963
You walked right into her trap.
399
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,366
-(laughs)
-Oh...
400
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,834
Holy...
401
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,037
I'm-I'm not proud
of my behavior.
402
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,638
I sincerely apologize.
403
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,975
Mr. Alzate, if you like my food
so much,
404
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,344
then I'll bring a little extra
for you tomorrow.
405
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:55,648
Oh, uh, I like
Chinese food, too.
406
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,750
But I don't steal it.
407
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,522
Well, I will make some more
for you as well.
408
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:03,723
All right. That's great.
409
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,392
That's a good idea,
but just don't keep it
410
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,693
in the break room fridge.
411
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:09,462
You can't trust those jackals.
412
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:16,169
No way. Five bucks says
they do not announce that one.
413
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,605
-I can always use five bucks.
-(P.A. chimes)
414
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,039
WOMAN (over P.A.):
Dr. Bleedin.
415
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,576
Dr. Izzie Bleedin, please call
the admitting office.
416
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,112
(elevator bell dings)
417
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,913
I knew this would happen.
418
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,848
I knew it would happen.
I knew it.
419
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,218
He knew it.
420
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,586
Listen, everything is
gonna be fine.
421
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,788
Vanessa and Mandy are
with her right now.
422
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,225
-Yeah, and Dr. Leakin
is on duty.
-(laughs)
423
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:41,361
-Dr. Rufus Leakin.
-Yeah.
424
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,864
Hey, hey, he sounds British.
425
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,599
Ryan, go in there and get her.
426
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,401
You know, she's gonna be fine,
you're gonna be fine.
427
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,636
You're gonna be great.
428
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,104
Okay.
429
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,307
-Oh, hey.
-Hey.
430
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,809
-Uh, room three. Yeah.
-Okay. Thanks.
431
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,711
Well, how is she?
432
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,114
Great, great.
It's gonna be a while, though.
433
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,950
What's with you?
434
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:06,419
The sounds back there,
435
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:09,122
they... weren't human.
436
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,626
All right, uh, let's get you
some air, babe.
437
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:17,430
What have you done to me?
What have you done to me?!
438
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,802
I'm guessing this isn't
how you wanted
439
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,937
to spend your time at home.
440
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,607
You probably wish you were
watching action movies
441
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,008
in the den with your dad.
442
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:32,145
Nonsense. She probably wishes
she was making pancakes
443
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,080
in the kitchen with you
while some slob
444
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,482
-slept in his truck.
-No.
445
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,585
You know, they say it doesn't
matter where you are
446
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,986
when you're with family.
447
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,189
It just matters that
you're with family.
448
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,024
They are wrong.
449
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,359
But that's what they say.
450
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,494
Yeah, and to a lot
of other people,
451
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,829
I am they.
452
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,332
You know, actually,
I kind of wish we were at
453
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,267
that pottery place
we used to go to.
454
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:58,338
Remember?
Where we made those plates.
455
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,473
-I don't remember that. No.
-I don't remember that.
456
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:03,142
Yeah, that's right.
We never did.
457
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,778
-Because I have
terrible parents.
-Oh, stop.
458
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,046
Come on.
Don't even joke like that.
459
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,515
We're great.
We're great parents.
460
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,149
I've met your parents.
They're-they're terrific.
461
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,485
At least one of them
is wonderful.
462
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,688
Yeah, they're okay.
463
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,290
You want to hear something cool
I learned in flight training?
464
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:18,491
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
465
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:22,295
Always fuel up that plane
before you take off.
466
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:25,632
If you're flying,
and one of your engines dies,
467
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,800
you can actually keep flying.
468
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,203
Oh, my God,
that sounds terrifying.
469
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:31,704
Or kind of cool.
470
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:35,174
Oh, no, no, I certainly hope
that never happens to you.
471
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,510
Me, too.
Because even though
472
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:40,913
you can keep flying
with one engine...
473
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:43,783
it's way better with two.
474
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:49,088
Way better.
475
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,960
It's way better with two.
476
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,265
-(murmurs quietly)
-Mm.
477
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,101
(P.A. chimes)
478
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,570
WOMAN (over P.A.):
Dr. McCracken.
479
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:06,072
Dr. Phil McCracken, please call
the admitting office.
480
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:08,441
Yes. Give me my five back.
481
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,477
Thank you.
482
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:19,919
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man,
483
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,788
doing my Deadpool moment.
484
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,956
If you're seeing this,
it means I've launched
485
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,359
my Emergency Vlogcast System.
486
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,561
See. just because
I'm not actually here
487
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,697
doesn't mean you should
be deprived of the best part
488
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,931
of your week.
489
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,968
So I keep a backup vlog file
organized by theme.
490
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,405
Small government.
Really small government.
491
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,808
And my personal favorite,
no government.
492
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:44,744
Now that file's getting
pretty big.
493
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,946
But today, I want to talk
about velocity
494
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,448
and how fast animals grow.
495
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:51,150
Particularly the mammals
we call our kids.
496
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,952
They go from zero to grown up
497
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,253
in the blink of an eye,
don't they?
498
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,589
From tricycle to streamliner
shooting across
499
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:57,924
the Bonneville Salt Flats.
500
00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,059
Boom, they're gone.
501
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,161
One day you're putting on
their diapers on backwards,
502
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:06,499
the next day they're putting on
your diapers frontwards.
503
00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:08,935
And as these mammals grow
and change, they tend to migrate
504
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:11,103
back and forth
between the parents, don't they?
505
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,906
My girls all started out
clutching their mom's
506
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,676
apron strings, till they
figured out my apron strings
507
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:19,111
were bourbon-flavored
barbecue sauce soaked in 'em.
508
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:21,448
(chuckles)
Dee-lish!
509
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,683
Yeah, during the blur
of your kid growing up too fast,
510
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,518
one day you're the favorite,
next day your wife will have
511
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,354
the upper hand.
512
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:30,022
Now, the important thing to
remember is the day will come
513
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:33,059
when they take you both
entirely for granted.
514
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:37,296
Baxter out.
515
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:40,266
(chicken clucks)
516
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,301
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
38545
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