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"So, on behalf of the
Denver Campsite Girls,
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00:00:06,975 --> 00:00:09,312
"please accept these cookies,
3
00:00:09,314 --> 00:00:12,719
"along with our endorsement
for State Assembly".
4
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,777
Well, that is so nice.
5
00:00:14,779 --> 00:00:15,893
Hey.
Hey.
6
00:00:15,895 --> 00:00:17,020
Hi.
7
00:00:17,022 --> 00:00:18,855
Oh, wow, that's a lot of cookies.
Yeah.
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00:00:18,857 --> 00:00:21,764
Good thing I brought
home a diary cow.
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00:00:21,766 --> 00:00:24,849
The, uh, the Campsite
Girls endorsed me.
10
00:00:24,851 --> 00:00:27,092
Congratulations. Uh, well,
speaking of endorsements,
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00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,645
what about the teachers union?
Should be any day now.
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00:00:29,647 --> 00:00:31,463
Yeah. So, uh, so how was bowling?
13
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Oh, it was super awesome.
Mm-hmm.
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00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:34,734
I think we might win the
church tournament this year.
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00:00:34,736 --> 00:00:37,386
Oh, babe, you always have so
much fun when we go bowling.
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00:00:37,388 --> 00:00:38,944
You know who didn't
have any fun? The pins.
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00:00:38,946 --> 00:00:41,282
They just stood there.
18
00:00:41,284 --> 00:00:43,150
Okay, excuse me.
19
00:00:43,152 --> 00:00:44,702
I bowled a 150.
20
00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,913
Wow, that's the best you've ever done.
21
00:00:46,915 --> 00:00:48,080
Over three games.
22
00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:52,460
Wow, that's the best
you've ever done.
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00:00:53,619 --> 00:00:55,175
All right, well, we got to go.
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00:00:55,177 --> 00:00:56,655
Thank you for the ride, Dad.
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00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,824
Oh, you mind if we, um... ?
26
00:00:57,826 --> 00:00:59,301
Yeah, help yourself, go ahead.
27
00:00:59,303 --> 00:01:01,220
Not the Ginger Bunnies!
28
00:01:02,706 --> 00:01:05,123
Well, looks like it's gonna be
29
00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:07,324
another embarrassing
year for Team Baxter.
30
00:01:07,326 --> 00:01:08,335
Oh, yeah, who cares?
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00:01:08,337 --> 00:01:09,920
It's a church fundraiser.
Why do you have
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00:01:09,922 --> 00:01:11,180
to make everything so competitive?
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Because losing is like death.
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00:01:15,311 --> 00:01:17,247
You know, when
the girls were little,
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00:01:17,249 --> 00:01:19,179
we did these
tournaments just for fun.
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00:01:19,181 --> 00:01:21,440
But then once they got
good and started winning,
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00:01:21,442 --> 00:01:24,017
you forgot about fun.
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00:01:24,019 --> 00:01:25,852
Are you saying
Mandy's a good bowler?
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00:01:25,854 --> 00:01:27,687
Hell yeah.
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00:01:27,689 --> 00:01:29,815
She's got the wingspan
of a pterodactyl.
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00:01:29,817 --> 00:01:32,818
Literally, when she lets that ball go,
42
00:01:32,820 --> 00:01:35,755
she's already at the pins.
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00:01:35,757 --> 00:01:37,413
I'll have to challenge her
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00:01:37,415 --> 00:01:38,970
to a game sometime.
Yep.
45
00:01:38,972 --> 00:01:40,244
You bowl?
46
00:01:40,246 --> 00:01:41,871
Oh, yeah.
47
00:01:43,163 --> 00:01:45,539
And I'm really, really good.
48
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I love the sound when I get a strike.
49
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It's like an explosion.
50
00:01:50,772 --> 00:01:53,180
Yeah.
51
00:01:53,182 --> 00:01:56,942
How many times during a match
do you get that explosion?
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Hmm, eight or nine.
53
00:01:59,096 --> 00:02:00,971
God, I miss it.
Yeah.
54
00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:03,223
No, Mike.
55
00:02:03,225 --> 00:02:04,499
Yes, Vanessa.
56
00:02:04,501 --> 00:02:06,586
You already have
Kyle on the team.
57
00:02:06,588 --> 00:02:08,562
There's a mechanical horse
out front of the bowling alley.
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00:02:08,564 --> 00:02:10,272
I'll give him some
quarters. He'll be happy.
59
00:02:10,274 --> 00:02:12,449
No!
60
00:02:19,283 --> 00:02:21,700
Hey, Paul, got a minute to talk?
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00:02:21,702 --> 00:02:23,618
Well, I was praying, but you're here,
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00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:24,980
so that didn't work.
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00:02:26,498 --> 00:02:28,665
Listen, that was a
great service today.
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00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:31,710
You know, I missed Alice, though,
on the organ, you know?
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00:02:31,712 --> 00:02:34,179
She really jams on
"Amazing Grace", huh?
66
00:02:34,181 --> 00:02:36,065
Yeah.
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00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:37,983
Poor thing had to have
carpal tunnel surgery.
68
00:02:37,985 --> 00:02:39,926
Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
69
00:02:39,928 --> 00:02:42,053
And with the bowling
tournament coming up,
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00:02:42,055 --> 00:02:43,513
she won't be able to bowl.
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00:02:43,515 --> 00:02:45,199
Heck, heck, heck.
72
00:02:45,201 --> 00:02:47,392
And she's your top scorer.
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00:02:47,394 --> 00:02:49,745
Heckity-heck, heck.
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00:02:51,356 --> 00:02:54,733
That was a fun skit,
Mike. What do you want?
75
00:02:54,735 --> 00:02:56,544
I don't want anything.
I-I'm here to help.
76
00:02:56,546 --> 00:02:58,764
Listen, if you need an extra player,
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00:02:58,766 --> 00:03:00,422
I'm willing to let Kyle go.
78
00:03:00,424 --> 00:03:03,158
Well, I've seen Kyle
bowl, and as a pastor,
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00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,076
I know I'm not supposed
to pass judgement,
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00:03:05,078 --> 00:03:06,929
but he sucks.
81
00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:09,748
Wasn't the sermon today
82
00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:13,385
about how the congregation
is just one big family?
83
00:03:13,387 --> 00:03:14,895
I thought you were napping.
84
00:03:14,897 --> 00:03:16,272
I dip in and out.
85
00:03:17,569 --> 00:03:19,259
But since he's joining the ministry,
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00:03:19,261 --> 00:03:21,885
he's actually part
of the church family.
87
00:03:21,887 --> 00:03:24,262
You know, Mike, Jesus
hung out with the lepers
88
00:03:24,264 --> 00:03:28,016
and the prostitutes, but
nobody likes a bad bowler.
89
00:03:28,018 --> 00:03:31,144
Yeah, but Jesus never
got a chance to bowl.
90
00:03:31,146 --> 00:03:32,729
I mean, they won't rent you shoes
91
00:03:32,731 --> 00:03:34,248
if you're not wearing socks.
92
00:03:35,839 --> 00:03:37,745
Oh, hey, Mr. B.
Hey.
93
00:03:37,747 --> 00:03:38,985
Rev P.
Hey, Kyle.
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00:03:38,987 --> 00:03:40,570
I'm just returning the
Sunday school books.
95
00:03:40,572 --> 00:03:42,423
You know, Kyle, we were
just talking about you,
96
00:03:42,425 --> 00:03:45,325
and how important you've
become to the church family.
97
00:03:45,327 --> 00:03:46,885
And you are.
98
00:03:46,887 --> 00:03:49,597
But not near as important as
you are to the Baxter family.
99
00:03:49,599 --> 00:03:51,498
No, no, no, no, no. I'm
just saying that, you know,
100
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,101
with the bowling tournament
coming up, if... if the reverend
101
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,878
needs you on the church team,
I'm not gonna stand in your way.
102
00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,340
Oh, I can't let you do that, Mike.
103
00:04:00,342 --> 00:04:02,008
How would it look if you're more
104
00:04:02,010 --> 00:04:03,760
self-sacrificing than your pastor?
105
00:04:03,762 --> 00:04:06,429
It would look like the pastor's sermons
106
00:04:06,431 --> 00:04:09,274
have hit their mark.
107
00:04:09,276 --> 00:04:11,393
That's something to pray on.
108
00:04:11,395 --> 00:04:14,020
Yeah, but, uh...
109
00:04:15,491 --> 00:04:17,607
Would you look at that.
110
00:04:17,609 --> 00:04:20,819
Mike and I fighting over
who gets you on their team.
111
00:04:20,821 --> 00:04:23,397
Yeah, sounds like the loser gets Kyle.
112
00:04:25,117 --> 00:04:27,200
Okay, I'm gonna tell you the truth.
113
00:04:27,202 --> 00:04:28,510
As a bowler, you're terrible.
114
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:33,540
Yeah, you know, it's not news to me...
115
00:04:33,542 --> 00:04:35,959
but it still hurts to hear.
116
00:04:35,961 --> 00:04:38,211
But as a person,
117
00:04:38,213 --> 00:04:40,922
I can't think of anybody
I'd rather have on my team.
118
00:04:40,924 --> 00:04:42,516
Oh, thanks.
119
00:04:42,518 --> 00:04:44,092
Hey, I won't let you down, Reverend.
120
00:04:44,094 --> 00:04:45,986
Oh, it's not me.
121
00:04:45,988 --> 00:04:48,355
God's the captain of our team.
122
00:04:48,357 --> 00:04:49,698
No pressure.
123
00:04:54,357 --> 00:04:56,564
Hey, did you guys see this?
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00:04:56,566 --> 00:04:59,357
Uh, there's a prison
break in Cañon City.
125
00:04:59,359 --> 00:05:01,651
"Prison Break in Cañon City"?
126
00:05:01,653 --> 00:05:06,093
That's my favorite
song by Johnny Cash.
127
00:05:06,095 --> 00:05:08,127
Yeah, I guess the
guy was from Denver.
128
00:05:08,129 --> 00:05:09,868
They think he might
be headed this way.
129
00:05:09,870 --> 00:05:12,669
Oh. I don't think we have
anything to worry about.
130
00:05:12,671 --> 00:05:16,648
It says here this guy
is nonviolent and 85.
131
00:05:17,919 --> 00:05:19,794
Ooh. 85?
Huh.
132
00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:23,223
Maybe it wasn't an escape.
Maybe he just wandered away.
133
00:05:23,225 --> 00:05:24,841
Yeah.
134
00:05:24,843 --> 00:05:26,986
He's not on the run.
He's more on the shuffle.
135
00:05:28,897 --> 00:05:32,265
They had to call out
the FBI and the AARP.
136
00:05:34,019 --> 00:05:36,519
You know... you two are hilarious.
137
00:05:36,521 --> 00:05:38,914
You should get a podcast
that no one listens to.
138
00:05:40,659 --> 00:05:42,584
What was that? Is he mad?
139
00:05:42,586 --> 00:05:45,004
No, no. When he's mad,
he slams the door.
140
00:05:45,006 --> 00:05:47,047
Okay.
141
00:05:51,286 --> 00:05:52,331
Hey.
Hey, Mike.
142
00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:53,816
Uh, I was told Kyle was up here.
143
00:05:53,818 --> 00:05:54,988
I wanted to give
him his bowling shirt.
144
00:05:54,990 --> 00:05:57,016
He told me you
put him on the team.
145
00:05:57,018 --> 00:05:58,458
You're a better man than I.
146
00:05:58,460 --> 00:06:00,677
Well, what can I say?
147
00:06:00,679 --> 00:06:02,629
It was a low bar.
148
00:06:02,631 --> 00:06:04,839
Why, uh... why do
you have two shirts?
149
00:06:04,841 --> 00:06:07,412
Oh, well, with Alice
recovering from her surgery,
150
00:06:07,414 --> 00:06:09,159
her husband decided he didn't
want to bowl without her.
151
00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,303
You know, they're
one of those couples
152
00:06:10,305 --> 00:06:11,513
likes to do everything together.
153
00:06:11,515 --> 00:06:14,071
Gross.
154
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:17,672
Yeah, so a second spot on
the church team opened up,
155
00:06:17,674 --> 00:06:19,729
and luckily I know another couple
156
00:06:19,731 --> 00:06:22,199
who insists on doing
everything together.
157
00:06:22,201 --> 00:06:24,201
Oh, no, you didn't.
158
00:06:24,203 --> 00:06:26,578
Oh, yes, I did.
159
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:28,622
You took my pterodactyl?
160
00:06:29,917 --> 00:06:32,009
Hey, Dad. You hear I got drafted?
161
00:06:33,495 --> 00:06:36,296
You-you can't. Y-You're
on Team Baxter.
162
00:06:36,298 --> 00:06:39,104
You know, the people that didn't
leave you at the Grand Canyon
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00:06:39,106 --> 00:06:41,709
that year you were being
such a pain in the ass?
164
00:06:41,711 --> 00:06:43,391
Yeah, I know, I know,
165
00:06:43,393 --> 00:06:45,939
but when Kyle joined the
church team, I had to join.
166
00:06:45,941 --> 00:06:48,517
A wife can't be compelled
to bowl against her husband.
167
00:06:48,519 --> 00:06:49,777
It is the law.
168
00:06:51,238 --> 00:06:52,571
I'm a Holy Bowler.
169
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,934
I picked the name.
Yeah.
170
00:06:57,936 --> 00:07:00,904
It's gonna look good on a trophy.
171
00:07:00,906 --> 00:07:02,981
I'll see you, Mike.
172
00:07:02,983 --> 00:07:04,732
So, all this time
173
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:07,944
I've been trying to make
friends with the wrong guy.
174
00:07:07,946 --> 00:07:09,755
Hey there.
175
00:07:11,586 --> 00:07:14,562
You remember, me, Mike
Baxter, from the '80s, right?
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00:07:20,879 --> 00:07:24,355
"And I promise to uphold
the standards and ideals
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00:07:24,357 --> 00:07:26,563
of this august body".
178
00:07:26,565 --> 00:07:29,215
I'm preparing a statement for when
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00:07:29,217 --> 00:07:31,885
the teachers union gives me
their endorsement tomorrow.
180
00:07:31,887 --> 00:07:33,845
Well, aren't we the confident one?
181
00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:35,989
Well, you know, Mike, I'm
a single-issue candidate.
182
00:07:35,991 --> 00:07:38,951
If I can't get the teachers,
my other speech is, "Buh-bye".
183
00:07:40,687 --> 00:07:44,063
Well, I got you something
all the teachers I know love:
184
00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:45,916
booze.
185
00:07:46,919 --> 00:07:48,693
Fancy.
Yeah.
186
00:07:48,695 --> 00:07:50,236
Wow, what's the occasion?
187
00:07:50,238 --> 00:07:51,755
Well, a husband doesn't
need any occasion
188
00:07:51,757 --> 00:07:53,823
to give his wife a
little treasure like that.
189
00:07:53,825 --> 00:07:55,723
I'm sorry.
190
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:59,252
I didn't mean "occasion".
I meant, "What do you want?"
191
00:07:59,254 --> 00:08:01,420
Why does everybody
think I want something
192
00:08:01,422 --> 00:08:02,790
just because I'm being nice?
193
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:05,710
Because you need a reason.
194
00:08:05,712 --> 00:08:07,921
So this doesn't have anything to do
195
00:08:07,923 --> 00:08:11,424
with Mandy switching from
Team Baxter to Team Jesus?
196
00:08:11,426 --> 00:08:14,361
Uh, y-you heard about that, huh?
197
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,271
Uh, yeah, yeah. You know,
thanks for the wine,
198
00:08:16,273 --> 00:08:18,256
but I am not bowling for your team.
199
00:08:18,258 --> 00:08:19,724
Give me one good reason.
200
00:08:19,726 --> 00:08:22,602
You're a crazy person when
it comes to competition.
201
00:08:22,604 --> 00:08:24,187
All you care about is winning.
202
00:08:24,189 --> 00:08:25,897
There's no fun in it.
203
00:08:25,899 --> 00:08:28,008
Wow. You really had
those ready, didn't you?
204
00:08:29,527 --> 00:08:31,194
Well, there's nothing
wrong with winning.
205
00:08:31,196 --> 00:08:33,413
You wanted to win the
state assembly, right?
206
00:08:33,415 --> 00:08:35,923
Yeah, which is why I don't
need another thing on my plate
207
00:08:35,925 --> 00:08:37,676
that feels like life and death, okay?
This isn't gonna be
208
00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:40,804
life and death. This is
gonna be fun, fun, fun.
209
00:08:42,165 --> 00:08:44,057
Really?
Yes.
210
00:08:44,059 --> 00:08:47,603
I mean, it could be
fun, fun, fun... fun.
211
00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:53,058
Ah, what do I have to
do to get you to do this?
212
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:56,334
You could say, "It doesn't matter..."
213
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,137
Uh-huh.
"... if we win or lose".
214
00:08:58,139 --> 00:08:59,948
Okay. Okay.
215
00:09:02,811 --> 00:09:04,477
You have to say it.
216
00:09:04,479 --> 00:09:06,246
Oh. It doesn't...
217
00:09:06,248 --> 00:09:08,022
It doesn't matter...
218
00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:09,583
blah... if we...
219
00:09:10,494 --> 00:09:12,402
What?!
220
00:09:12,404 --> 00:09:14,904
Eh, it doesn't matter if we... l-l-lose,
221
00:09:14,906 --> 00:09:16,572
lo...
222
00:09:16,574 --> 00:09:19,103
Lose, lose, lose. You happy?
223
00:09:19,105 --> 00:09:21,887
Yeah. Now, that was fun, fun, fun.
224
00:09:21,889 --> 00:09:24,339
Hey, you guys. So, uh, Mike,
225
00:09:24,341 --> 00:09:26,132
Kris tells me you need some bowlers.
226
00:09:26,134 --> 00:09:28,510
Reporting for duty.
227
00:09:28,512 --> 00:09:30,053
I didn't know you bowled.
228
00:09:30,055 --> 00:09:31,327
Yeah, growing up in Canada,
229
00:09:31,329 --> 00:09:33,065
I was on the high school curling team.
230
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:35,383
Pretty sure it's the same skill set.
231
00:09:35,385 --> 00:09:38,386
No, Mr. Maple Leaf, it's not.
232
00:09:38,388 --> 00:09:40,680
Sliding a teakettle filled with concrete
233
00:09:40,682 --> 00:09:44,533
across a frozen lake is not
even in the same ballpark.
234
00:09:44,535 --> 00:09:46,182
You need bowlers for Team Baxter.
235
00:09:46,184 --> 00:09:48,185
Yeah.
It's a family tournament. I'm family.
236
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,737
What's the problem?
I don't want to take a chance
237
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:50,982
on somebody who's never bowled before.
238
00:09:50,984 --> 00:09:53,234
Oh, really? And why is that?
239
00:09:53,236 --> 00:09:56,195
Uh, because winning is the
only thing that matters?
240
00:09:56,197 --> 00:09:58,509
No. No, it has nothing
to do with winning.
241
00:09:58,511 --> 00:10:00,199
It's not winning. This is more...
242
00:10:00,201 --> 00:10:02,511
more of a... a-a safety issue.
243
00:10:04,164 --> 00:10:05,663
Okay, how about this?
244
00:10:05,665 --> 00:10:07,307
A bowl-off between Jen and me.
245
00:10:07,309 --> 00:10:09,226
Winner joins Team Baxter.
246
00:10:14,266 --> 00:10:17,008
Jen, Jen, are you really a good bowler?
247
00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:19,260
I'm a great bowler.
248
00:10:19,262 --> 00:10:20,487
Yeah.
249
00:10:21,639 --> 00:10:23,481
Okay.
250
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,910
All right, little bowl-off.
251
00:10:25,912 --> 00:10:27,542
Winner on Team Baxter.
252
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:30,205
Not that winning is everything.
The important thing...
253
00:10:30,207 --> 00:10:32,291
that we only have...
254
00:10:36,963 --> 00:10:38,786
I can't believe they still haven't found
255
00:10:38,788 --> 00:10:40,382
that old guy who escaped.
256
00:10:40,384 --> 00:10:41,880
They should set up a roadblock
257
00:10:41,882 --> 00:10:43,868
around every early bird special in town.
258
00:10:46,807 --> 00:10:49,632
Hey, what's the matter?
You looking for Ed?
259
00:10:49,634 --> 00:10:51,283
No, I'm just afraid we hurt his feelings
260
00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:52,802
because of all the old jokes.
261
00:10:52,804 --> 00:10:54,888
No, no, no, no. Ed's got a thick skin.
262
00:10:54,890 --> 00:10:56,690
And a dancer's body.
263
00:10:58,218 --> 00:11:00,810
I think about Ed too much.
264
00:11:00,812 --> 00:11:02,992
He's got to see the humor
in the situation, right?
265
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:04,570
Mm.
I mean, they're gonna have to
266
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:07,600
chase this guy down on his walker.
267
00:11:07,602 --> 00:11:11,896
They might have to shoot out
one of his tennis balls.
268
00:11:11,898 --> 00:11:14,750
Maybe we should start a podcast.
Yeah.
269
00:11:15,786 --> 00:11:17,360
Morning, Ed.
270
00:11:19,322 --> 00:11:21,406
Morning there, Ed.
271
00:11:21,408 --> 00:11:24,217
I can't hear you because I'm old.
272
00:11:24,219 --> 00:11:27,724
Hardy-har-har-har.
273
00:11:27,726 --> 00:11:30,274
Ed, none of that stuff was personal.
274
00:11:30,276 --> 00:11:31,791
We weren't talking about you.
275
00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:35,228
I get it. Jokes are jokes,
and old men are funny.
276
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,564
Well, not as funny as old ladies.
277
00:11:38,758 --> 00:11:40,744
Rapping old ladies are really funny.
278
00:11:40,746 --> 00:11:42,569
Yeah, yeah. Hey, give me a beat.
279
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:44,846
Oh, yeah, okay.
280
00:11:44,848 --> 00:11:47,390
♪ My name is Gladys
and I'm here to say ♪
281
00:11:47,392 --> 00:11:50,852
♪ I'm the rapping-est
grandma in the U.S.A. ♪
282
00:11:50,854 --> 00:11:52,937
I'm married to your grandmother.
283
00:11:52,939 --> 00:11:54,647
I'm sure she'd find
284
00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:57,334
your insulting little ditty hilarious.
285
00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:01,746
His name is Ed, and I'm sad to say
286
00:12:01,748 --> 00:12:03,816
he's really pissed at us today.
287
00:12:10,457 --> 00:12:12,820
Okay, one game. That's ten frames.
288
00:12:12,822 --> 00:12:14,667
Winner joins Team Baxter.
289
00:12:14,669 --> 00:12:17,512
Loser is gonna be Ryan.
290
00:12:17,514 --> 00:12:20,673
So, you guys have bowling shoes?
291
00:12:20,675 --> 00:12:22,675
Thanks, but I, uh,
brought my curling flats.
292
00:12:22,677 --> 00:12:24,760
Hmm.
Teflon sole,
293
00:12:24,762 --> 00:12:26,762
detachable grip slider, Velcro laces.
294
00:12:26,764 --> 00:12:30,099
So, uh, yeah, I think I'm good.
295
00:12:30,101 --> 00:12:31,559
All right. Wipe the floor with him.
296
00:12:31,561 --> 00:12:32,810
You got it.
297
00:12:32,812 --> 00:12:35,062
I feel very confident in my ability.
298
00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:38,208
Although, the lanes seem a
lot longer than I expected.
299
00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:41,222
Kind of an odd thing to say
300
00:12:41,224 --> 00:12:42,704
for somebody who's a great bowler.
301
00:12:42,706 --> 00:12:46,157
Actually, an odd thing
to say for any bowler.
302
00:12:46,159 --> 00:12:48,951
Oh, no, no, no. I've bowled a ton.
303
00:12:48,953 --> 00:12:51,972
This is just my first time in
a non-virtual bowling alley.
304
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:58,608
So, you've only played bowling online?
305
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:00,004
You've never played real
bowling? I mean, I...
306
00:13:00,006 --> 00:13:01,523
Mm-hmm.
I play Madden football.
307
00:13:01,525 --> 00:13:03,928
Doesn't mean I could quarterback
for the New York Jets.
308
00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:07,643
Actually, I probably
could quarterback for...
309
00:13:07,645 --> 00:13:10,561
Fighter pilots learn to
fly on flight simulators.
310
00:13:10,563 --> 00:13:11,950
It's the same thing.
311
00:13:12,977 --> 00:13:15,686
Holy... ball!
312
00:13:15,688 --> 00:13:17,939
Why is it so heavy?
313
00:13:17,941 --> 00:13:20,116
Listen, Ryan, I can't
believe I'm saying this,
314
00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:22,715
but I'm relying on you.
315
00:13:22,717 --> 00:13:24,698
All right, you want me to go first?
316
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,956
Show everybody how it's done?
317
00:13:26,958 --> 00:13:30,034
Yeah, you go first. I'm not ready.
318
00:13:30,036 --> 00:13:33,287
They're all heavy?
319
00:13:33,289 --> 00:13:36,892
For the love of God, somebody bowl.
320
00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:46,926
What are you doing?
321
00:13:46,928 --> 00:13:49,387
I don't know. The environment's off.
322
00:13:49,389 --> 00:13:51,239
I mean, can they make it colder in here?
323
00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:53,808
It's physics.
324
00:13:53,810 --> 00:13:56,977
I just need to pivot far enough back
325
00:13:56,979 --> 00:13:59,355
so that gravity is...
326
00:13:59,357 --> 00:14:01,440
I've never been happier
seeing you in my life.
327
00:14:01,442 --> 00:14:03,118
Please show these guys how to bowl.
328
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,705
Restore my faith in humanity.
329
00:14:04,707 --> 00:14:06,829
No, I think I'm just
gonna watch tonight.
330
00:14:06,831 --> 00:14:08,871
You definitely don't want to watch this.
331
00:14:11,286 --> 00:14:13,411
I don't really feel
like bowling right now.
332
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:14,796
What's the matter?
333
00:14:14,798 --> 00:14:17,557
I heard from the teachers union.
334
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,626
Um, didn't get the endorsement.
335
00:14:20,628 --> 00:14:23,170
Damn it. Damn it.
336
00:14:23,172 --> 00:14:25,357
Well, uh, you know,
it's-it's not a big deal.
337
00:14:25,359 --> 00:14:27,633
Yeah, it is.
Um...
338
00:14:27,635 --> 00:14:30,144
Campaign's over, honey.
339
00:14:30,146 --> 00:14:32,555
I-I'll see you at home.
340
00:14:32,557 --> 00:14:34,309
Honey, listen, listen. Wait
a minute. Wait a minute.
341
00:14:34,311 --> 00:14:37,226
Wait a minute.
I hit a pin!
342
00:14:37,228 --> 00:14:40,372
That's good. Except
it's in the wrong lane.
343
00:14:47,706 --> 00:14:49,780
Hey, babe.
Hi.
344
00:14:49,782 --> 00:14:51,160
How you doing?
345
00:14:51,162 --> 00:14:52,893
Fine. Fine. I am, uh...
346
00:14:52,895 --> 00:14:55,086
I'm just writing my concession speech,
347
00:14:55,088 --> 00:14:59,488
but autocorrect keeps changing
everything into "duck".
348
00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:01,904
You know, I thought I was
gonna get the sad Vanessa.
349
00:15:01,906 --> 00:15:03,336
I got the mad Vanessa.
350
00:15:03,338 --> 00:15:06,014
Look, I-I just can't believe
they picked Theresa Osgood.
351
00:15:06,016 --> 00:15:08,725
I mean, she stole my ideas.
She wasn't even talking
352
00:15:08,727 --> 00:15:10,718
about education until I came along.
Right.
353
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,231
You have every reason to be mad at Theresa.
No. You know what?
354
00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:15,077
No. No, I'm not mad at her.
355
00:15:15,079 --> 00:15:17,211
I am... I am mad at myself.
356
00:15:17,213 --> 00:15:20,102
Look, I-I didn't get
into this thing to win.
357
00:15:20,104 --> 00:15:22,396
It-it was supposed to be about my ideas,
358
00:15:22,398 --> 00:15:25,208
and now suddenly I turned into you.
359
00:15:26,235 --> 00:15:28,244
Let's try to remember
360
00:15:28,246 --> 00:15:29,921
we're mad at Theresa.
361
00:15:30,948 --> 00:15:33,491
Look, I accomplished my goal.
362
00:15:33,493 --> 00:15:36,619
Education is being talked
about by the front-runner.
363
00:15:36,621 --> 00:15:39,213
Why isn't that enough?
364
00:15:39,215 --> 00:15:42,458
Because we all want to
win. It's in our nature.
365
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:45,544
You know, I-I ran three yellow lights
366
00:15:45,546 --> 00:15:48,690
and cut through a gas station
to see if I could beat you home.
367
00:15:50,690 --> 00:15:52,438
You know what? It's-it's just amazing
368
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,345
how easy it is to be seduced by winning,
369
00:15:54,347 --> 00:15:57,815
and you-you lose sight of
what's really important.
370
00:15:57,817 --> 00:15:59,809
You know what? I...
371
00:15:59,811 --> 00:16:03,020
I'm gonna call Theresa Osgood
and offer her my support.
372
00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:04,480
Really?
Yeah.
373
00:16:04,482 --> 00:16:06,791
Yeah, I mean, I
support the teachers,
374
00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:09,074
and-and they support her.
375
00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:11,028
Yeah, just 'cause you're
out of the race doesn't mean
376
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:12,327
your ideas have to be.
Yeah.
377
00:16:12,329 --> 00:16:14,198
I mean, I'm doing the right thing.
378
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,534
So why don't I feel better?
379
00:16:16,536 --> 00:16:18,419
Honey, honey.
380
00:16:18,421 --> 00:16:20,287
If it helps, I'm proud of you.
381
00:16:20,289 --> 00:16:22,932
You're doing something I would never do.
382
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:26,469
Oh, God.
383
00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:28,546
It's a lot of work to be good.
384
00:16:28,548 --> 00:16:32,216
Why so easy being bad?
385
00:16:32,218 --> 00:16:34,969
That's probably a good
question for the reverend.
386
00:16:34,971 --> 00:16:37,179
Mm.
387
00:16:37,181 --> 00:16:39,974
He's a bad person.
388
00:16:43,812 --> 00:16:46,127
We're sorry if we offended
you the other day.
389
00:16:46,129 --> 00:16:48,694
You know, we didn't think that
making fun of some old convict
390
00:16:48,696 --> 00:16:49,900
would hurt your feelings.
391
00:16:49,902 --> 00:16:52,751
Oh, really? You didn't think
mocking an older gentleman
392
00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:54,872
would ruffle my feathers, huh?
393
00:16:54,874 --> 00:16:57,742
No, because we don't
think of you as old.
394
00:16:57,744 --> 00:17:00,619
Or a lot.
395
00:17:00,621 --> 00:17:02,847
I personally think of you
an appropriate amount.
396
00:17:04,685 --> 00:17:06,968
Well, the truth of
the matter is I am old,
397
00:17:06,970 --> 00:17:08,711
and it's no picnic.
398
00:17:08,713 --> 00:17:11,297
We're the last group that
it's safe to make fun of.
399
00:17:11,299 --> 00:17:13,641
Y-You have no idea how hard it is
400
00:17:13,643 --> 00:17:15,259
to be old in America, do you?
401
00:17:15,261 --> 00:17:16,778
You have my condolences.
402
00:17:18,514 --> 00:17:21,524
Anyway, uh, we did a little research.
Mm-hmm.
403
00:17:21,526 --> 00:17:25,500
Turns out Bill Connelly...
uh, th-that's the convict...
404
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,605
turns out he's a pretty impressive guy.
405
00:17:27,607 --> 00:17:29,099
Yeah, this is his third escape.
406
00:17:29,101 --> 00:17:31,325
His first one was when he was 72.
407
00:17:31,327 --> 00:17:33,087
He didn't even start a life of crime
408
00:17:33,089 --> 00:17:35,797
until he was 65.
409
00:17:35,799 --> 00:17:39,366
What we're trying to say is that
you can be a badass at any age.
410
00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:41,035
I know he's a criminal,
411
00:17:41,037 --> 00:17:43,537
but I can't help but admire the guy.
412
00:17:43,539 --> 00:17:44,997
I wish him well.
413
00:17:44,999 --> 00:17:47,208
And actually, his crimes
aren't all that bad.
414
00:17:47,210 --> 00:17:49,352
He's more of a... a Robin Hood type.
415
00:17:49,354 --> 00:17:50,961
Uh-huh, meaning what? What, what?
416
00:17:50,963 --> 00:17:53,773
Um, he only stole from the very rich.
417
00:17:56,853 --> 00:17:58,478
Pardon me?
418
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,521
It turns out he didn't
even need the money.
419
00:18:00,523 --> 00:18:02,759
He was just doing it for fun.
Yeah.
420
00:18:02,761 --> 00:18:05,428
It's fun to steal from the rich?
421
00:18:06,773 --> 00:18:08,087
Well, in that case,
422
00:18:08,089 --> 00:18:09,855
I hope the old geezer breaks a hip,
423
00:18:09,857 --> 00:18:12,542
chokes on a butterscotch
and goes straight to hell.
424
00:18:15,613 --> 00:18:17,696
Hey, hey.
425
00:18:17,698 --> 00:18:19,281
Saw your team warming up.
426
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,129
Listen, you don't need
to go to church tomorrow,
427
00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:24,504
'cause tonight, my team's
gonna bowl the sin out of you.
428
00:18:24,506 --> 00:18:26,882
You can use substitutes for curse words,
429
00:18:26,884 --> 00:18:29,480
but I know what you mean,
and bless your little heart.
430
00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:31,376
Uh, Reverend.
431
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,596
Hey, uh, don't split,
432
00:18:33,598 --> 00:18:36,173
because I am not going to spare you.
433
00:18:37,685 --> 00:18:38,918
Those are pretty good puns, actually.
434
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,219
You know, you must be feeling better
435
00:18:40,221 --> 00:18:42,054
or you finished that wine I gave you.
436
00:18:42,056 --> 00:18:44,473
No, no, I called Theresa Osgood,
437
00:18:44,475 --> 00:18:46,826
and she admitted that
she stole my ideas.
438
00:18:46,828 --> 00:18:48,978
Well, bless her little heart.
439
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:50,716
Yeah. When I talked to her,
440
00:18:50,718 --> 00:18:52,565
she said that since I know them better,
441
00:18:52,567 --> 00:18:53,995
you know, because they're mine,
442
00:18:53,997 --> 00:18:56,282
uh, that if she wins,
443
00:18:56,284 --> 00:18:59,363
uh, she will make me her education liaison.
All right.
444
00:18:59,365 --> 00:19:00,739
So, just... Let's be clear here.
Yeah.
445
00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:01,858
She stole your ideas,
446
00:19:01,860 --> 00:19:03,709
but we still get to keep the cookies.
447
00:19:03,711 --> 00:19:05,545
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
448
00:19:05,547 --> 00:19:08,014
Now I'm ready for some fun.
449
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,509
Well, I hope you don't mean bowling,
450
00:19:10,511 --> 00:19:12,695
'cause Team Baxter
already has four players.
451
00:19:14,304 --> 00:19:17,143
"Kristin, Jen, Ryan, Vanessa".
452
00:19:17,145 --> 00:19:18,318
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
453
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,639
There's no Mike Baxter on Team Baxter?
454
00:19:20,641 --> 00:19:22,052
Well, you know, this
bowling used to be fun,
455
00:19:22,054 --> 00:19:23,613
and I think it should be fun again.
456
00:19:23,615 --> 00:19:26,307
Huh?
Mike.
457
00:19:26,309 --> 00:19:28,442
Oh.
458
00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:30,394
Wow.
459
00:19:30,396 --> 00:19:32,771
Hey. Ryan, wow. Love your shoes.
460
00:19:32,773 --> 00:19:34,457
Oh, thanks. They're curling flats.
461
00:19:36,014 --> 00:19:39,987
Yeah, I brought the broom, too,
but probably not gonna use it.
462
00:19:39,989 --> 00:19:41,589
Hey, Mr. B?
463
00:19:41,591 --> 00:19:43,324
Can I have another quarter?
464
00:19:43,326 --> 00:19:45,075
All right.
465
00:19:45,077 --> 00:19:47,136
Why don't you take the whole roll.
466
00:19:55,379 --> 00:19:57,321
Hey, Mike Baxter
here for Outdoor Man,
467
00:19:57,323 --> 00:19:59,465
talking about winners and losers...
468
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:02,009
not to be confused
with right and wrong.
469
00:20:02,011 --> 00:20:04,967
Now, would it be nice
if doing the right thing
470
00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:07,315
and winning was always...
went hand in hand?
471
00:20:07,317 --> 00:20:09,358
It would also be nice if
ice cream got you ripped.
472
00:20:11,523 --> 00:20:13,513
But I know you're winners.
You know how I know?
473
00:20:13,515 --> 00:20:15,856
Because you're listening to me.
474
00:20:15,858 --> 00:20:18,389
Sometimes, we can spot
a winner pretty quickly,
475
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:20,694
like in 40 seconds
if it's Conor McGregor
476
00:20:20,696 --> 00:20:23,072
coming at you across The Octagon.
477
00:20:23,074 --> 00:20:25,046
Look out, Cowboy.
478
00:20:25,048 --> 00:20:26,529
Or sometimes,
479
00:20:26,531 --> 00:20:28,410
we might need overtime to crown a champ.
480
00:20:28,412 --> 00:20:30,746
And sometimes, we'll
never find out who won.
481
00:20:30,748 --> 00:20:34,124
Welcome to Iowa caucus.
482
00:20:34,126 --> 00:20:36,844
"Uh, I forgot how to count".
483
00:20:38,473 --> 00:20:41,507
You know, they say history
is written by the winners,
484
00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:44,068
but it's really written by historians.
485
00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:45,842
And before we call them winners,
486
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:48,889
one of them should have to
go out and get a girlfriend.
487
00:20:48,891 --> 00:20:50,516
Speaking of history,
488
00:20:50,518 --> 00:20:52,410
Roman philosopher Seneca once said,
489
00:20:52,412 --> 00:20:54,606
"Admire those who attempt great things
490
00:20:54,608 --> 00:20:55,729
even though they fail".
491
00:20:55,731 --> 00:20:57,606
Another philosopher,
492
00:20:57,608 --> 00:21:00,985
Green Bay Packer Vince Lombardi,
said, "Show me a good loser,
493
00:21:00,987 --> 00:21:03,904
and I'll show you a loser".
494
00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:07,241
Hmm. Seneca won more debates,
495
00:21:07,243 --> 00:21:09,040
but Lombardi won more championships.
496
00:21:09,042 --> 00:21:10,648
Now, sometimes, as Americans,
497
00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:12,162
our obsession with winning and losing
498
00:21:12,164 --> 00:21:14,715
can make us lose sight
of what's right and wrong.
499
00:21:14,717 --> 00:21:17,185
I'm talking to you, Houston Astros.
500
00:21:25,678 --> 00:21:27,534
As Marcus Aurelius said,
501
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:30,231
"If it's not right, don't do it.
502
00:21:30,233 --> 00:21:32,894
If it's not true, don't say it".
503
00:21:32,896 --> 00:21:35,002
And that, my friends, is the truth.
504
00:21:35,004 --> 00:21:37,397
Just saying. Baxter out.
36911
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