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1
00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:03,804
(doorbell rings)
2
00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:06,474
-Hey, Carol. Hey, Chuck.
-Hey. Hi.
3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,109
-Hey.
-Come on in. You guys are early.
4
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,977
Uh, we're always early.
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,912
I'm a Marine,
Carol's a principal.
6
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,348
-We're on-time people.
-(Mike chuckles)
7
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,984
Nah, I was late
one time in my life.
8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,519
Now he's a sophomore in college.
9
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,853
(Chuck chuckles)
10
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,455
-Come on in, guys.
-All right.
11
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:23,924
-Where's Vanessa?
-Uh, she's also late.
12
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,959
Not your kind of late, but, uh,
13
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:28,629
her tutoring business has
pretty much outgrown the house,
14
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,398
so she's driving around
and teaching kids.
15
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:35,203
She is the only person I know
making money in education.
16
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,505
Well, based on my taxes,
somebody's getting rich.
17
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,174
(chuckles)
Look, look, we made it a minute
18
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:43,344
before Baxter complained
about taxes.
19
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,946
And in that minute,
I bet they went up again.
20
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,181
(chuckles)
21
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,716
Listen, while she's not here,
maybe one of you two
22
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,451
can help me out
with a little gift idea.
23
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,953
-Oh, what's the occasion?
-Uh, well, her tutoring business
24
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,622
is three years old this week,
25
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:55,856
so I want
to get her a little something.
26
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,391
-CAROL: Mm.
-Oh, you need help?
27
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,793
God's gift to gift-giving?
28
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,562
Yeah, well,
I keep upping my game.
29
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:05,399
I'm like Evel Knievel going,
"Hey, let's add another bus."
30
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,834
(Chuck laughs)
31
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,936
-That's just so thoughtful.
-I am.
32
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,738
I've been a principal
for two years,
33
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,907
and my husband
hasn't gotten me squat.
34
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:16,677
Look at that.
35
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,647
I mention "bus,"
you get tossed under it.
36
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,783
Next time, we wait till we see
Vanessa's car in the driveway
37
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,885
before we knock on the door.
38
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,820
Hey! Hi, guys.
39
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,522
-Hi.
-Sorry I'm late.
40
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,691
-Hey.
-Been flying all over town.
41
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,993
My last two kids
are ten miles apart.
42
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,230
I have to leave the Wilsons
at 4:31
43
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,999
to get to the Jacksons at 4:51.
44
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,569
So, who can tell me
my average speed?
45
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,373
Honey... you're, you're still
in tutor mode.
46
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,141
-You're off the clock.
-Oh. (chuckles)
47
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,776
-Sorry, sorry, sorry. All right.
-Mwah.
48
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:49,977
Come on, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
49
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,412
I'm all for that.
(clears throat)
50
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,514
You could tell us all about
your day over some egg rolls.
51
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:54,882
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
52
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,083
Thirty!
53
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,422
30 miles an hour.
54
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,056
That-that...
that's the average speed.
55
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,459
That is correct, Mike.
56
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:07,495
-You get a sticker.
-Great.
57
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,197
I got five stickers.
58
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:12,766
I get ten, she's gonna give me
a-a, uh-uh-uh...
59
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,935
You don't need to know that.
60
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,806
*
61
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,778
Oh. Hey, hey, hey, Baxter.
62
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,814
I got an idea
for a gift for Vanessa.
63
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,016
-Oh, good.
-Uh, a pen.
64
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,084
-A pen?
-Yeah, a pen.
65
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,586
Wow.
66
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,655
Next year,
I could get her some paper.
67
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,991
You're an idiot.
68
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,128
I meant, like, a nice pen.
69
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,098
You know,
I actually outdid myself.
70
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,034
I got her something
this morning.
71
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,803
-What is it? Huh?
-Uh, look at that.
72
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,839
Well, if that's the key
to your heart,
73
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,542
you're gonna get a kick
in the nuts.
74
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:56,644
On the way
to the dinner the other night,
75
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,312
I noticed a little office space
for lease.
76
00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:00,448
Perfect
for a small tutoring business.
77
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,583
Leased it this morning.
78
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,619
So, you got her a place to work.
79
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,889
No, no, no. This is tender,
special and particular.
80
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,958
Testicular.
81
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,628
Well, it sounds a lot
like the time
82
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,997
when I got Carol
a vacuum cleaner.
83
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,567
I got real good at using it.
84
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,274
Good morning, Kristin.
85
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,311
Now that I sell
my athleisure line in the store,
86
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,247
I get
to drink the employee coffee.
87
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,552
It's delicious.
88
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,555
Yeah, uh,
I just cleaned the pot.
89
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,991
You're mostly drinking vinegar.
90
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,026
I know.
91
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,531
Hi, honey.
92
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,132
Oh, no, no, nope,
no, I'm not "honey."
93
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:55,035
I'm here on official HR
business, so I'm "Mr. Anderson."
94
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,804
Well, is one of us in trouble?
95
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,572
I don't know. What'd you do?
96
00:03:58,606 --> 00:03:59,873
Wait. No, no, don't tell me,
97
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,342
'cause then I'll have
to start a file,
98
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:05,513
and then once you have a file,
there's no going back.
99
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:08,115
Well, why are you here,
Mr. Anderson?
100
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,683
Well, I was looking
at your record,
101
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,385
and you never took
the employee orientation.
102
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,387
-What's that?
-Everyone takes it.
103
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,389
You learn about company policy
and workplace safety
104
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,725
and, um, dress code.
105
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,860
Side note-- that skirt is
106
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,862
probably too short.
107
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,065
Watch it.
108
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,067
Yeah, but I mean, I'm your wife,
109
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,737
so I probably don't have
to take that orientation, right?
110
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,705
(chuckles)
Wrong. Mandatory.
111
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,241
(laughing)
112
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,010
I bet Kristin didn't take it.
113
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:39,112
I most certainly did.
114
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:42,082
Well,
Kristin most certainly did not.
115
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,486
Good catch, Mandy.
116
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,220
I'm going to kill you.
117
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:49,222
Okay, so, side note--
118
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:52,225
that's a threat,
which is a huge no-no.
119
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,227
But you'll hear more
about that tomorrow
120
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,229
at noon in the conference room.
121
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,231
Oh, and wear comfy clothes.
122
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,401
There will be activities.
123
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,007
I love our regular dinners
with you guys,
124
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,642
but, uh, honey, where are we?
125
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,445
What is this-- some-some
office-themed restaurant?
126
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,914
Oh, I hope we're not eating out
of vending machines.
127
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,917
-I already had expired yogurt
and Mentos for lunch.
-(chuckles)
128
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,220
Well, prepare to be amazed--
Suite 104.
129
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,690
This has got "vacuum cleaner"
written all over it.
130
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,994
Well, congratulations
on three years
131
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,762
of Vanessa Baxter Tutoring.
132
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,398
Welcome to your new office.
133
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,100
You rented this for me? Oh.
134
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,235
Oh, my God. Oh, my...
135
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:38,205
Mike, oh...
This is so thoughtful.
136
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,107
-So, do you like it?
-I do. Oh, my...
137
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,876
-I love it. I love it.
-All right.
138
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,678
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
-Okay, okay, okay.
139
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,581
So, you proved me wrong
and made your wife happy.
140
00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:49,750
The place has already paid
for itself.
141
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:53,020
Think of all the science
experiments you'll have in here.
142
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,489
I mean... (sniffs)
it's starting to smell a lot
143
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:58,058
-like nerd already.
-(chuckles)
144
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,660
This is an awesome gift, Mike.
145
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,261
You saw what your wife needed,
146
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,996
-and you got it for her.
-Yeah.
147
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:06,967
I sure hope the other men
in this room are taking notes.
148
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,203
Now it's paid for itself.
149
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,774
You have gotten me some amazing
gifts over the years,
150
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,376
-but you have really outdone
yourself on this one.
-Okay.
151
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,811
But I'm not done yet.
152
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,813
-Oh.
-Chuck, I need a little hand
153
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,150
-bringing in the grand finale.
-(scoffs)
154
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,718
-(sighs)
-(gasps)
155
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,887
-There's a finale?
-(Vanessa chuckles)
156
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,056
I vacuumed the house
before we left.
157
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,991
Did you see that?
158
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:33,494
(sighs)
159
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,996
Vanessa,
this is something else!
160
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,198
-I...
-You have built an empire.
161
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,700
Well, I don't know
if I built an empire,
162
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,702
but I-I've done pretty well.
163
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,904
I-I get more students
every month.
164
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,674
Well, maybe you have me to thank
for your booming business.
165
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,342
-(chuckles)
-'Cause if my school
wasn't floundering,
166
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:52,145
you wouldn't be so in demand.
167
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,714
-(chuckles)
-I mean, I-I don't know.
168
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,550
I-I think maybe my students love
to learn.
169
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,553
Oh, yeah,
that's a book on teenagers.
170
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:01,421
"They love to learn."
171
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,893
But, hey, you know, I'm-I'm
so happy you're doing this.
172
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,529
-Oh.
-'Cause the state made
more cutbacks.
173
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:11,031
So, I'm glad,
'cause at least some of the kids
174
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,766
will be getting
a decent education.
175
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,401
Well, thank you.
176
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,169
I think.
177
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,338
You know what,
forget I said anything.
178
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,541
-Let's just celebrate
your success, okay?
-W-Wait, no,
179
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,877
but-but-but the success
that I'm apparently only earning
180
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:26,213
because the school system's
failing.
181
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,948
Vanessa, no!
182
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:31,451
I mean, yes, but no.
183
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,220
No, I-I'm being a downer.
184
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,622
It's just...
185
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,456
we got next year's budget and...
(sighs)
186
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,291
oh... (sputters)
it's gonna be brutal.
187
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,560
Oh. Well, great, great.
188
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,895
Because, because the worse
it is for students,
189
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,130
the better it is for me,
190
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,331
and I'm...
191
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:46,266
I am such a monster.
192
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,002
-You are not responsible
for the bureaucracy.
-I-I know.
193
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,938
-But...
-It is what it is, Vanessa.
194
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,841
Pl-- Listen, if you can make
a buck or two off
195
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,709
of this lousy, broken system,
196
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,444
-then I say go for it.
-No.
197
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,479
No.
198
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:02,449
So, um, hey,
this is exciting, right?
199
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,817
Mm.
200
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:04,818
-Set it over there.
-Okay.
201
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,186
Okay.
202
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,689
Ready for your future, honey?
203
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,424
-CHUCK: Mm-hmm.
-(exhales)
204
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,260
All right.
(chuckles): Yeah.
205
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,494
"Vanessa Baxter.
206
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,965
She starts where school stops."
207
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,601
Oh, this is a nightmare.
208
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,836
You know what, Mike,
I'm sorry. It's...
209
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,437
-it's just not gonna work.
Just no.
-Hey.
210
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:25,773
-Not gonna work.
-Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
211
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,608
Whoa.
212
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:31,579
How long have we been gone?
213
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:41,321
* Howdy-hoo! *
214
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,892
You know, some men can enter
a room without saying anything.
215
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,327
Yes, but then how would you know
when he's in a good...
216
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,730
* Mood? *
217
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,498
Uh, quarterlies
for the pot shop.
218
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,667
We are on track
for the best quarter yet.
219
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:54,935
Good.
220
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,004
Hey, great, actually.
221
00:08:57,037 --> 00:09:00,741
You know, you may be able
to help me with something.
222
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:04,878
I want to convince Vanessa
that she's crazy.
223
00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,981
Wait, you want me to be a pawn
224
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,717
in one of your evil little
head games?
225
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,852
Why's it have to be a pawn?
I'm just-- It's just a plan.
226
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,420
Oh, no, no, I'm gonna do it.
227
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,790
I never get to be a part
of the evil little head games.
228
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,058
I'm always the victim.
229
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,392
Well, the day is still young.
230
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,328
-Huh.
-Okay, here's the deal.
231
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,163
She thinks
that her tutoring business
232
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,899
is profiting off the back
of a broken school system.
233
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,500
But it's not?
234
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,236
Yeah, it is.
235
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,503
But it's fine,
236
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,505
because she's providing
a valuable service, right?
237
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,341
-(smacks lips) Oh.
-(stammers)
238
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,010
She thinks
she's a vulture capitalist.
239
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:40,413
Why do people say that
like that's a bad thing?
240
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,082
Without the vulture,
241
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,885
the desert would be littered
with dead cowboys.
242
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,155
All right. I'm in.
What's the play?
243
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,023
Ooh! Does my character have
an "ock-cent"?
244
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,258
Yes. Yes.
245
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,460
You're from Dumb-landia.
246
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:56,163
Uh, you moved me out
of Moron-ville?
247
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:59,399
Well, you-you have
a dual citizenship, okay?
248
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,501
Here's the truth.
You know, you used to be
249
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:02,970
a card-carrying commie, right?
250
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,504
Then you turned
into a capitalist
251
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,006
'cause your business
turned a profit.
252
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,942
Well, it's not
really that simple, Mike.
253
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,611
Well, it's not that complicated
either.
254
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:16,449
We just have to convince my wife
that it's okay to succeed.
255
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,551
I got you, bro.
256
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,320
All right.
257
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:23,757
Hey. Hey, Ryan!
258
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,092
What are you doing here?
259
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,760
Oh, uh,
quarterly meeting with the boss.
260
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,228
-Oh.
-Yes. Uh, turns out
261
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:30,097
the pot shop's turning
quite a nice profit.
262
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,198
Yep, you know me.
263
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,901
All about bagging
them Benjamins.
264
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:37,304
But y-you remember you were
struggling with your conscience
265
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,072
about that initially, right?
266
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,408
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll
admit, it was, it was tough.
267
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,476
You know? Uh,
running a successful business
268
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,312
is quite the moral quandary.
269
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,715
It's like, what do you do
with all that money?
270
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,252
But, ultimately,
I realized it was a good thing.
271
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,254
Yeah. Greed is good.
272
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,757
Why did we stop saying that?
273
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,058
Well, you never did.
274
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:01,628
Um, so, so,
what did you do, Ryan?
275
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,464
Well, remember last year when I
was freaking out about the bees?
276
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,134
No, but it's certainly
in character.
277
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,337
They are facing extinction,
278
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,172
and I really wanted to help.
279
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,774
But there was not much
that I could do
280
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:14,842
other than post about it.
281
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,343
So, when the pot shop took off,
282
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,278
I was able to donate some
of the money
283
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,881
to organizations
that help keep bees alive.
284
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:24,484
Hmm. Was one of them called
the Bees' Needs?
285
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,685
(coughs)
286
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,287
(sucks air through teeth)
287
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,589
Yeah.
288
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,324
Yeah, no, no, Ryan's right.
You're right.
289
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,827
And I've been thinking
along the same lines, too.
290
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,663
There is a way to run
my tutoring business
291
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,833
and... feel good about it
at the same time.
292
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,368
Wow, I knew
there was a capitalist
293
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,303
-under those sweet curls.
-No, no, no. No. No, no.
294
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,672
-Yeah.
-I-I'm going to donate
295
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,041
all the tutoring money
to Carol's school.
296
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,709
-You're what?
-Mm-hmm.
297
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,111
Ooh. Ooh, ooh.
You know what else?
298
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,679
You don't need the office,
either.
299
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,815
You could donate that money
to Carol's school, too.
300
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,150
That's a great idea.
That is great.
301
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,219
Oh, wow. Wow, thank you.
You know what?
302
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,289
I-I... I feel like a weight has
been lifted off my shoulders.
303
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,091
Hey, hold, wait, yeah, hold...
304
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,658
(Vanessa laughs)
305
00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,227
Hey, hold...
Wait.
306
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,531
The Memorial Day sale
here at Outdoor Man
307
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,066
kicks off the summer season,
308
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,735
which is only
a few short weeks away from...
309
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:16,937
Anybody?
310
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,272
Anybody?
311
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:22,776
That's right--
the Outdoor Man family picnic!
312
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,478
Uh, show of hands.
313
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,214
Who likes a sack race?
314
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:32,352
The family picnic is one of our
four most-sponsored galleries
315
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:34,287
we have for employees
throughout the year...
316
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,257
-(Kyle continues inaudibly)
-How is he still talking?
317
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,392
He's been at this for hours.
318
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,994
I don't know.
319
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:44,231
I feel like I'm getting roped in
to a time-share.
320
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,134
Let's make a break for it.
321
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,236
-What? You mean leave?
-Yeah.
322
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,905
-He would see us.
-I know. I have an idea.
323
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,207
Mr. Anderson?
324
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,243
My sister's experiencing
some pregnancy...
325
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,448
...lady stuff.
326
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,917
What...
Lady stuff?
327
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,185
What is it?
328
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:06,653
Oh, wait, wait.
329
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,856
It's medical.
I can't ask about that.
330
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,291
It's... it's fine.
It's just...
331
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,261
(groaning):
Oh, oh, yeah...
332
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,896
Oh, it hurts a little bit.
333
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,497
-Ow.
-Kris, Kris,
334
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,933
we really need to get ahold
of your O.B....
335
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,935
Wan Kenobi.
336
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:26,006
Right, my doctor.
337
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,975
Dr. Kenobi.
338
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,377
Oh, yeah, we should...
339
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,912
we should call him right away.
340
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,380
-Do you guys need any help?
-Oh, no, no, no.
341
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,082
We'll be fine. Just mark down
that we were here.
342
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,617
Enjoy the activities, everybody.
343
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,352
Aw, now they know.
344
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:45,592
-Mike.
-Hey, Carol.
345
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,027
I just want to say
346
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,762
this donation is
really gonna help our school.
347
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,932
We owe Vanessa
the biggest thank you.
348
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,301
My name is on the check, too.
349
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,104
(chuckles)
Thank you, Mike.
350
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:00,840
I assume this mess on the
lower right is your signature.
351
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,742
You know, when the check
gets to be a certain amount,
352
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:05,278
my hand fights me.
Stop it, stop it.
353
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,847
You should really feel good
about this, Mike.
354
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,350
Well, it's really not about me.
It's about making my wife happy.
355
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,785
Now, I know Chuck doesn't
believe in that sort of thing,
356
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,754
but some of us are different.
357
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,490
Oh, hey, I want to say sorry
358
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,060
if I put a damper on your gift
the other night.
359
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,329
You didn't put a damper
on it, Carol.
360
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,831
You flat-out ruined it.
361
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,934
I was just telling her
the truth.
362
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,569
The schools aren't cutting it,
and until they get it together,
363
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:33,273
her tutoring business...
is better than nothing.
364
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,342
God, I should have put that
on the card.
365
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,344
"Congratulations
on the new tutoring business.
366
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,013
It's better than nothing,
honey."
367
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,849
No. No, it's those idiots
in the state assembly.
368
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,518
They keep cutting
the public school budget.
369
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,854
Public schools,
public transportation,
370
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,356
public restrooms.
371
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,391
When it has
the word "public" in it,
372
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,660
it's probably a mess.
373
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,728
Hey, sweetie, ready for lunch?
374
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,830
-Yeah.
-We should probably let Baxter
375
00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:00,200
get to the store
to do some gift shopping.
376
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,003
Yeah. I should buy her a pen
like you told me to.
377
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,671
Hear that, Carol?
He thinks I should
378
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:07,107
buy my wife a pen.
379
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,877
What is wrong with you?
380
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,881
Well, I meant, like, a nice pen.
381
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,950
With, like,
a leather case and...
382
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,927
Hey, Mike Baxter
for Outdoor Man,
383
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,329
talking about education.
384
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,631
Don't click away!
Don't click.
385
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,933
Listen. When I was a kid
at Lincoln High School,
386
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,003
it was like this big fat hoagie,
387
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,704
stuffed with everything
you needed, man.
388
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:40,407
We had-we had shop class,
where I learned to carve my name
389
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,075
in a board with a router.
390
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,511
Then I hit my friend Paul
with it. (chuckles)
391
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,147
We had driver's ed,
where I learned to drive a car.
392
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,282
And then I hit
my friend Paul with it.
393
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,118
We even had auto shop,
394
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,686
where I learned how to pound out
a Paul-shaped dent.
395
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,422
Why is that?
396
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,125
That's because that's what
our parents' taxes paid for.
397
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,461
Now, let me show you
what our taxes pay for today.
398
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:04,264
Look at that.
Wood shop? No more, huh?
399
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,466
Auto shop? Forget about it.
400
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,468
Civics? What's that?
401
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,737
Home ec,
the only place to meet women?
402
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,005
Forget about that.
403
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,573
Music? Buh-bye.
404
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,775
What do you got left?
Two pieces of bread.
405
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,977
If you're in California,
it's gluten-free, made of kale,
406
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,979
and nobody's eating this stuff.
407
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,981
Even a marine iguana
won't eat it,
408
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,451
and they'll eat anything.
409
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,154
Shouldn't our tax dollars go
into putting delicious hoagies
410
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,256
back in the hands of our kids?
411
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:32,292
Otherwise, who is going
to hit Paul's kids?
412
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,995
Uh, Baxter out.
413
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:43,836
Hey, Kristin.
414
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,273
Mandy told me you're
feeling better. I'm so glad.
415
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:47,907
Yeah, yeah.
416
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,709
Way better.
(chuckles)
417
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:52,279
Thank you for letting me
leave early the other day.
418
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,880
It-it really helped.
419
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,649
And I helped, too,
because we left together,
420
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,486
even though I was loving
that crazy class, babe. So fun.
421
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,022
Yeah, yeah.
It was a pretty special group.
422
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,692
In fact, um,
we made you this card.
423
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,894
Oh. Uh...
424
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,596
"Dear Kristin, we are so glad
425
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,364
"you are taking care
of your family,
426
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:14,334
because you are part
of our family."
427
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:16,969
That is so sweet.
428
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,407
Look, Mandy,
they made me a card.
429
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,409
They didn't make it,
430
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,811
they just signed it.
431
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,348
No.
No, they made it.
432
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,183
And, uh, everyone put their
phone numbers on the back
433
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,851
-in case you need anything.
-(gasps)
434
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,787
Really? I... I didn't
mean to worry anybody.
435
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,489
You worried me.
436
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,991
(whispering):
You're worrying me now.
437
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,993
(sighs)
Look, Kyle,
438
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,263
I-I have to
tell you something. I...
439
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,198
There was no doctor.
440
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,167
There was no lady stuff.
441
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,402
It was... it was all just a lie
442
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,404
to get out of the orientation.
443
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,005
(chuckles)
You lied to me
444
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,707
to get out of that
super cool class?
445
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,543
Who even are you?
446
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,211
I don't understand.
447
00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,012
Why would you want
to get out of it?
448
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,349
Well, because I thought it was
all just about store stuff.
449
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,485
And since I grew up in here,
I thought I knew everything.
450
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,720
But it's not, is it?
451
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,423
It's about everybody
who works here being a family.
452
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:14,261
Yes. That's exactly
what it's about.
453
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,396
So I think I need
to take it over.
454
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,097
(sighs)
455
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,767
What you just said shows me
that you don't need to.
456
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,835
You learned the lesson
another way.
457
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,705
Yay, everything's good.
We should go.
458
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,608
-As for you...
-No, no, no.
459
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,543
I get it, right?
So we're a big family
460
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,779
and we make cards
and we don't lie.
461
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,415
No.
I don't think you get it.
462
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,284
So you will be taking
the orientation again,
463
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:40,487
and another class
on employee ethics.
464
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,056
What? No, you can't
do that to me, Kyle.
465
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:45,925
-I'm your wife.
-No, not here.
466
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,429
Here you're just
a problem employee.
467
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,098
And I'm starting a file
on you, missy.
468
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,101
I still love you.
469
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,636
(mouthing)
470
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,109
Mike, I already told you I don't
want the tutoring office.
471
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,311
I understand.
472
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:05,778
Come in here for a second, okay?
473
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,146
-No big deal.
-(sighs)
474
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,249
Okay.
(clears throat)
475
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,451
-Now, listen...
-All right. What is this?
476
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,953
You want to make a difference
in kids' lives, right?
477
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,923
Right, by-by donating
to the school.
478
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,058
Yeah, but we know our donation's
only gonna go so far,
479
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,827
and schools aren't that high
480
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,562
on the government's to-do list.
481
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,264
Yeah, but at least
it's something.
482
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,965
Look, kids don't have millions
483
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,934
of dollars
to donate to candidates,
484
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,403
and they don't have lobbyists
fighting for them.
485
00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,138
Because they don't see
the upside.
486
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,641
The upside? No.
They're our future.
487
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,876
And if you ask me,
that is the investment
488
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,678
we should be making
as a society.
489
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,480
Good point, but nobody's gonna
ask you, are they?
490
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:44,116
So you're going
to have to tell them.
491
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:47,887
Whoa.
(chuckles) Whoa.
492
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,122
You want me to run for office?
493
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,658
Well, you have a passion
for kids.
494
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,192
I know you can
make a difference.
495
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,794
But you hate government.
496
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,129
Boy, do I hate government.
497
00:19:57,163 --> 00:20:00,667
But capitalism only works
in a functioning democracy.
498
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,602
Wow, maybe you should
run for something.
499
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:06,172
Ooh.
Way too many skeletons.
500
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,843
But you can have your campaign
headquarters right here.
501
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,280
I've got it paid for
at least for another month.
502
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:16,716
-Well, say I did run. Okay?
-Uh-huh.
503
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,451
And I-I probably wouldn't win.
504
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,152
I mean, the only thing
I've ever run for
505
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:23,856
is treasurer of the book club,
and-and I came in third.
506
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,192
-Honey, honey.
-What?
507
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,995
Of course you're not gonna win.
508
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:32,565
You're highly qualified.
You don't have a chance.
509
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:35,001
Yeah, but-but maybe
510
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:37,837
it would get people talking
about the education system.
511
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,072
And that's a good thing.
That's a good thing, right?
512
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,309
And on top of that,
I retain my title
513
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:45,177
-as God's gift to gift-giving.
-(chuckles)
514
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:47,179
And twice a week, Larabee will
come in and vacuum the place.
515
00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:49,382
-Come on.
-Oh.
516
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,918
All right,
I'll have to think about it.
517
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,052
-You'll think about it?
-Yeah.
518
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,253
Already waffling.
519
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,088
You are a politician.
520
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,897
Hey, what's up, Baxter?
521
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,734
Hey, listen,
happy anniversary, man.
522
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:08,801
What?
523
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:10,069
What do you mean, "what?"
524
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,504
This year makes five years
525
00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:12,605
since you've been here
at Outdoor Man.
526
00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:14,173
Oh! Hey, that's right.
527
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,842
-How about that, huh?
-Yeah, congratulations.
528
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,678
You know, and since
I'm God's gift to gift-giving...
529
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:21,514
-What?
-I got you something
I know you'll like.
530
00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:23,916
Oh. (scoffs)
531
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,085
This isn't a nice pen.
532
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:29,422
Yeah, but next year
I'm gonna get you some paper.
533
00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:31,591
Mm.
534
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,192
Hey, man.
535
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:36,228
You stole this from the bank.
536
00:21:36,262 --> 00:21:37,263
Look at that.
537
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,266
(chicken clucks)
538
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,301
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
39546
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