All language subtitles for black-ish.S07E19.WEBRip.x264-ION10.srt

Nothing bonds a couple more

than judging other people's
relationships.

That's why Bow and I love
reality dating shows.

Oh!
Aah! I knew it!

No one ever wifes a woman
named Lolo.

-We called that!
-Yes, we did.

Hold up, baby.
Hold up.
Huh?

But since we've got
three almost-grown kids,

we don't have to wait until
9:00 p.m. on a Monday

to watch couple drama.

This is a test.

Mm-hmm.

She left that last one
on purpose.

Ooh.

I don't think Bradley's here
for the right reasons.

Nope.

He's been playing that game
for almost an hour.

He's wasting
his one-on-one with her.

Ooh!

She's on her phone,
looking for a new boy.

Well, she needs to
get out of this house.

Mm-hmm.

For you, my love.

Ugh!
This one's boring.

Oh, my girl Gina
is pregnant!

Oh. You know, I always
enjoyed growing up

with so many siblings.

I can't wait to have a big
family of my own one day.

Mm.
Yeah, I don't know.

I might not even want to
have kids.

-Ooh.
-Ooh.

Ooh, ooh, okay, I'm
gonna be late for my
Celebrity Divorce Draft.

All the Kardashians go
in the first round.

Bye, babe.
Love you. Mwah!
Bye.

Well, I don't think
she's gonna get a rose.

I called it.

Yes, you did.

Mm? Hey!

Phssht!

-Hold on, baby.
-Get my back, baby.
Get my back.

Mah!

Aw, you better -- hold on.
I see something.

-You got something?
-Hey!

Can you two stop
dusting your shoulders off

at my relationship?

Can we? Yes.
Will we? No.

Hey, hey.

Why are you two having fun
together?

That makes me
uncomfortable.

Well, Junior
just found out

that Olivia doesn't want to
have children.

Ah, ah, eh, eh!
Don't fall for it.

That's how they trap you into
not wearing a condom.

-Huh?
-I-I-I don't think...

Yeah, I don't know.
She seemed pretty serious.

I guess I kind of just assumed
that everybody wanted kids.

Look, Junior, a lot of people
will tell you that compromise

is the secret to
a healthy relationship...

Mm....but they're all wrong.

There are some things where
you're either in or you're out.

You can't have half a kid!

You can't half move
to Tennessee.

And you can't have
half a threesome.

-That's what I know.
-Ma!

Okay, listen, the things that
your grandmother's saying

are not pertinent for anyone
that is outside of a blues song,

but she does have a point.

There are just things
that are dealbreakers.

We all have them.

Yeah, there's this one time
I saved up

to buy this dope-ass
diamond grill,

but your mama made me
give it back.

You should've seen the respect
my mouth ice commanded

at the roller rink.

I was the Lil Jon
of World on Wheels.

Yeah!

Oh, and you also threw down
some dealbreakers, too.

Do you remember when
I wanted to cut my hair

like Halle Berry
in "Boomerang"?

Oh, yeah.

And your father said,
"No. I will not date a woman

who I have to
share clippers with."

That would've looked
so good on you.

-I know, right?
-Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,

you know,
my number-one "hell no"

was if you dated one of my
friends, I was not dating you.

-Ah.
-Huh? Right, babe?

Mm.

Right, babe? Bow?

Yeah.

Mostly.

Yeah.

And O.J. Simpson was mostly
not a murderer.

Bow?

Andre.
Hm?

Okay, I went on a very bad date
with Remy.

Remember that guy
you worked with?

It was way before
we were serious.

You went on a date
-with my boy Remy?
-He wasn't your boy.

The brother walked around with
an empty trumpet case.

-Yeesh.
-Bow, you knew
my dealbreaker.

What have you done
with my wife?

-Excuse me?
-Where is my wife?

-I'm right here.
-I don't know this woman.

She could be walking down
the street,

and I would know nothing.

I feel sorry
for this woman.

Oh, my God.
He is quoting memes at you.

I've never seen him
like this.

Well, he'll be fine
once he eats.

You better watch him,
though.

He has a tendency not to chew
when he's angry.

Mm.

Mm-hmm. See that?

There it is.

Deal broken.

You know,
you're never too old

to move back in
with your mama.

Let's get a studio
apartment with your Pops

and sleep
"Willy Wonka"-style.

Yeah?

Okay, my wife broke our deal,
but I wasn't going to trip.

Bow has betrayed me.

-What?

How can Rainbow
do that to you?

Having an affair is the ultimate
breach of trust.

But if she did it once, maybe
she'd be open to do it again.

That rabbit's foot I got at the
gas station is already working.

What? No.

She went on a date
20 years ago

with some Nigerian dude
who wore colored contacts.

And she knew that dating one of
my boys was a dealbreaker.

Dre, I think you're making
a little too much

out of this, okay?

As someone who has stolen the
wives of many of his friends,

I'll tell you this --
all women have a history.

But it's nothing that's worth
hitting the eject button over.

Okay.
Totally.

Women?
They're so forgetful.

Why do you think I've been stood
up on so many dates, right?

No, it's not that.

Alright, I didn't mind
giving up things for her

because I thought she was
giving up things for me.

Relationships are
about compromise.

I compromised.
She didn't.

Oh, but wouldn't nobody
fault you

for leaving
if you wanted to.

I'm not leaving her,
-Charlie.
-Mm.

I'm not doing anything
to her.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna
reclaim my piece of me.

-Ooh!
-Ooh!

I'm reading you
loud and clear, Dre.

Mm-hmm.

Good luck
on the mistress search.

-What?
-Hey, guys, now that
we've solved Dre's problem,

let's head over
to the conference room.

I want to talk about
our sexy new client --

Bergstram's Talcum Powder,
huh?

-Ooh.
-Ooh.

Let's get some snacks.

Hey, hey, Stevens.
Yeah?

You know, um,

I saw this meme that
went viral this weekend ...-hmm.

...and I think it would be great
for those spots.

Uh, I'm actually thinking of
taking us in another direction,

like, uh,
-a catchy tag line.
-Okay.

"Talcum powder -- good for
your pits and your bits." Huh?

Uh, to be honest,

I think we've done that
before.

Okay, I get you, Dre.

Uh, but it's my company,

and I'm gonna pull rank
on this one.

But, Stevens,
this meme is

the hottest thing
going around right now,

and no one has used it
to their advantage yet.

I-I'm sure
it would be great, Dre,

but if we do that,
then I don't get to pull rank,

and I'm really in the mood
to do this.

Now, lookit --
this catchphrase, okay,

it can't be overt,
but we have to make it clear --

talcum powder goes on
your genitals.

Huh?
Come up with something.

You're good at that.

While Stevens was
shooting down my ideas,

Junior was fishing to find out
exactly who he was dating.

Okay. Yeah,
I actually just saw

a Sarah McLachlan commercial,
and it kind of made me think,

"I want a dog."

Oh, yeah,
that could be nice.

Maybe a little one.

Ooh, yeah, I'm not a --
not a big fan of little dogs.

Oh.
But it's -- it's not
a big deal at all.

Hey, so what's your favorite
"Harry Potter" movie?

Hmm. I don't know.

They all kind of just
blend together for me.

That could not be
more wrong.

-Oh.
-But, you know, it's --

it's not
the end of the world.

Hey, who do you think should've
ended up on the Iron Throne

at the end of
"Game of Thrones"?

Alright, Junior, what's up?

I feel like I'm in
a really weird job interview.

It's just the whole
no-kids thing

kind of caught me off guard,
and I just want to make sure

I'm not surprised by
any more dealbreakers.

Dealbreakers?

Andre Johnson Jr., I could
fill up this whole apartment

with all my deals
you're breaking.

I'm breaking deals?

You know what?

It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

You're lucky you're cute.

And for your sake,
I hope it lasts.

Talking about
some dealbreakers.

Olivia. Olivia!

What deals am I breaking?

And is this face mask
supposed to burn?

And if not, is my tender face
another dealbreaker?

I spent all day thinking about
whatI gave up,

and then I decided,

if Bow wasn't out here
compromising like I was,

it was time
to take the gloves off.

Good night to the last,
best first date I ever had.

Good night.

Yeah!

Why are those
in your mouth?

This is my mouth revenge.

You know, looking back,

it's amazing how much
I gave up for you,

and maybe that's why
I feel like I'm in a rut

and had to dig up
my old goals book.

Yeah, things that
I had to shelf.

You sound like
Mike Tyson's

more approachable
younger brother.

And you sound ludicrouth.

"Dre's Missions
and Ambitions"?

Yes.
A list of my deferred dreams.

-Starting with Goal #4.
-What's that?

Learn how to
talk to girls.

You never let me
talk to girls, Bow.

-Mm.
-Goal #12 -- be a deejay.

Vegas is paved
with White deejays.

There's a hole
in the market, Bow.

I could've been the plug.
Mm.

Goal #24 --
win a Heisman.

Okay, you need to
take this up with God

because He's the one
that gave you no musical talent

and those little, cute
chicken legs of yours.

There you go,
raining on my parade,

but that's okay,
because I am going to

become the man
that I had to change

to please Queen Rainbow.

You know, Dre, I thought
we changed for each other,

that we compromised.

But you know what?
Mm?

You do you.

Thank you.

And I will do me.

Why do you say it
like that?

Don't worry about it,
Dre.

Fine. I will.

And I will sleep
like a baby,

because I
put my foot down.

I'm never taking
this grill out.

Okay.

Well, I mean, I gotta take it
out to put my mouth guard in...

Uh-huh.
...but you know
what I mean.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

So while I handled
my problem,

Junior was still
sitting in his.

Olivia dropped
a major bomb on me

and told me I had plenty
of dealbreakers for her.

And the worst part is,

she didn't even tell me
what they were.

I wonder what
they could be.

Whew!
I thought you'd never ask.

Okay, now, let's get into
these dealbreakers, huh?

One of your eyes squint too much
when you smile.

It's ruined every one
of our Christmas cards.

Mm. She does have
a point there.

You call soccer "fútbol."

You got vacation braids
in Jamaica

because you thought they
-made you look like Sean Paul.
-They did.

Not to mention

your lactose intolerance
-isn't exactly a turn-on.
-Yeah.

I mean, how can you
protect your woman

when you can't even
stand up to milk?

Oh, my God.
You guys are right.

I'm just
one giant dealbreaker.

Look.
Hm?

Only you can change
what's wrong on the inside.

But for the outside, I mean,
it'll take some work.

But I got you.

Mm, one of your eyes is doing
that squinty thing again.

-Mm. Oh, sorry.
-Hey, but don't worry.

Once we fix you on the outside,
we'll take you to the doctor.

I don't know
if it's that serious.

-Oh.
-No, trust me, you're gonna
want to get that looked at.

Once I started
getting back in touch

with young Dre's
hopes and ambitions,

it was like
the floodgates opened.

Hey, why does my house
smell like

one of Erykah Badu's
head wraps?

Your demon cards?

I thought I told you not
to mess with that stuff, Bow.

Dre, with all this talk
of you rediscovering

parts of yourself that
I allegedly made you give up,

it made me feel
like I just want to, like ....

...dust off old Bow.

Mama!

Do you see ...at is going on
in here, boy?

The devil
is on the table.

Oh, we don't play that Miss Cleo
blasphemy in this house.

I'm calling Pastor Jones
right now!

Ah, great.

Now we gotta get baptized
in the L.A. River again.

I'll just take
an antibiotic.

Oh, hush.

Once your souls are washed,
I'll take you to Shake Shack.

Now, come away
from them cards.

Okay, you've had
your little fun,

and I know you're only
dabbling in the dark arts

because it gets
-under my skin.
-Oh. No, no.

You're sitting at
the devil's spades table, Bow,

and you just reneged.

You don't want
to hold this one?

Alright.

If Bow wanted a war
over who we were

and what we gave up
to be with each other...

[ Ding!] ...she would have one.

How we feeling tonight,
Sherman Oaks?

Huh?
This is DJ Compton Kid.

Extended club mix.
Let's go!

♪ Fire up that loud

♪ Another round of shots,
shots, shots ♪

♪ Turn down for what?

Oh!

All the ladies in the house
say, "Yeah!"

♪ Turn down for what?

♪ Turn down for what?

Hey, wh--
where's my car?

Had to move it out of here
so I could, uh,

have space for my art.

Where the hell
am I supposed to park?!

It's California,
Andre Johnson.

You can park your car
outside.

Except for on Thursdays.

Then you gotta move it to
the other side of the street.

Excuse me.
Need to get back to my art.

♪ Fire up that loud

♪ Another round of shots,
shots, shots ♪

Do you even know
how to ride this thing?

Of course I do.
Okay.

And while Bow was watching
me live out my dreams,

Junior was doing everything
he could to make sure

Olivia wouldn't come
to her senses and drop him.

Okay, now stop.

Okay.

You can take
your blindfold off.

-Okay.
-Ta-da!

Mm.

I changed my whole look
for you.

Welcome to the new,
dealbreaker-free...

...Andre Johnson Jr.

You kind of just
look like Drake.

-You're welcome.
-Mm.

How'd you even grow a beard
that fast?

Oh, I can
grow a beard easy.

I just keep it
shaved down

so that my dad feels good
about his.

-He needs it.
-Oh.

Now, I know it is
a lot to take in,

but I'm dying to know

what's going through your mind
right now.

Uh, listen, I love you.

You know that.

Yeah.

-Ooh, but you look crazy, man.
-What?

I gave this girl Champagne Papi,
and she got beer taste.

You're just -- you're just
doing way too much.

Uh,
how do I do less?

I'll do anything.

Girl, you're the best
I ever had.

Y'all, I-I smell smoke.

Rest in peace, tarot cards.

I cast you out in the name
of Black Jesus...

What?...and my mama.

My cards!
Dre, what are you doing?!

Getting rid of the evil
these devil's business cards

-brought into the house.
-What?

I swear, I saw the cupboard
close by itself

when I came back in
from riding my hog.

That's probably 'cause
the fake gold from your grills

is poisoning your mind.

Don't disrespect
-the grill, Bow.
-Oh, come on.

I'm a man that's made too many
sacrifices already.

This should be enough for me
-to get emancipated, right?
-Mm.

You know what, Junior?
I want you to witness this.

Never change who you are
for anyone.

25 years later,
you'll be wondering about

the life that you could've had
had you not been stifled.

Stifled?
Mm-hmm.

Dre, we're playing around.

It's a motorcycle,
some turntables, and a grill.

What are you
talking about?

It's not just about
those things, Bow.

It's about the life
that I could've had

and the things that
I could've been.

I could've been
a world-class deejay.
No.

I could've been the first
Black Hells Angel.

I could've opened
my own ad agency.

What?
Yes.

It was Goal #7 on my list,
right after

"run around my block
without stopping."

But I didn't.
Mm.

For us.

I'mma --
What's on your face?

This ispretty awkward.
Hot.

Yeah, you guys have fun
with all this.

We're gonna --
we're gonna get going.

-Okay.
-Hey, what?

Yeah.

Junior!

Did the door...?

I'm calling
Pastor Jones.

My dreams are finally
coming true.

Um...

Ah! I hope it's not
a friendly ghost.

Oh. Hello.

Hey.
Are you back?

Yeah. I decided to take
the bike out for a ride,

but didn't get very far
because I realized

I don't know
how to ride.

Ah, I see.

Well, want to tell me
what's going on?

Okay, baby.

I'm sorry for getting out
of control back there, but...

What are you doing?

...I was reading my old journal,
and it got me messed up.

I can see that.

Just to be clear, you know,
I threatened to leave you

if you got a "Thug Life" tattoo
across your belly,

but I never --
I never stopped you

from starting
an ad agency, Dre.

-No. I stopped myself.
-Okay.

You know, the family
was growing,

I was making
plenty of money,

and I just got comfortable,
babe,

and it wasn't time
to take a risk.

Dre, that's totally
understandable.

But...something's
changed at work.

I don't feel like
I'm growing.

Dre, it's really noble
that you've played it safe

for your family
all these years,

but maybe it's time for you to,
I don't know,

take a chance for yourself.

Start your own agency,

or see what else
is out there.

I got your back.

Thank you.

Always.

Now...
Hm?

...Andre Johnson,
please get rid of that grill.

You're right.

I'm over the grill.

But I also think I'm gonna need
emergency dental surgery.

My gums haven't
stopped bleeding all day.

Ugh, God.
Mm-hmm.

Let me see
what's in this journal?

-Promise not to laugh?
-Sure.

Pass it over.
Let me see.

Mm-hmm.

No, no, no.
What?

"Marry Tisha Campbell"?

And then
what's this asterisk?

It says, "See --""See above."

"Marry --"

"Marry Hillary Clinton
and treat her right."

And it says, "Backup plan
for 5, 9, and 11.

Does that make me
president?"

Sorry.
I said I wouldn't laugh.

What?!

My dad wants to know
if you want a motorcycle,

because, apparently,
the dealership won't take back

-a dented one.
-You know what?

If that's what having parents
who stay together is like,

I'm good.

That's not gonna be us,
right?

Not if we just communicate
with each other.

You know what?

Let's just lay out all of
our dealbreakers right now.

Well, I never saw myself with
a man who has a toy collection.

Okay, I never saw myself
with someone

who wears sunglasses
in the pool.

-Like, what's the point?
-Okay, okay.

Well, I never wanted to date
someone with daddy issues

or mommy issues,
and you have both.

I do.
Yeah.

And I also never thought
I'd date someone

who hated spicy food.

Just whoa.

But -- But we got over
those things,

so we can get over
the other ones.

Don't you think?
Yeah.

You know, I'll be honest --
the kid thing kind of scared me,

but I realized that a future
with you is better than

any dealbreaker-free future
with anyone else.

Hm.
I'm lucky.

I feel the same way.

And also,
they're not toys.

They're Funko Pops,

and you will be thanking
your lucky stars

when they're paying
for our retirement.

Sometimes in life
you give up things,

and it makes you
a better person.

And sometimes

you just give up those things
for the time being.

But they'll be ready for you to
pick up when the time is right.

Andre Johnson, our agency
has admired your work

for a long time now,

but you've always been
locked up at Stevens & Lido.

So I have to ask --

after all this time,
why now?

Well, I, uh --

I guess I just needed to
cross some things off my list.

Hmm.

So, wow me.

Hey, thank you for letting me
spin for, uh,

three people.

Ooh!

♪ Aaaah

Hey, what are you doing, son?
Trying to steal my shine?

Uh, this will help you
go viral, trust me.

♪ Like the boys when they're
out there walkin' the streets ♪

How did you grow a beard
so fast?

Genetics?

Hey!

Ruff!

-Ruff!
-Ruff!

♪ Why must I feel like that?

♪ Why must I chase the cat?

♪ Nothing but the dog in me

Oh!
Ow!

Hold up -- Oh.
Ooh!

Oh, you want me
to get Mom?

-Ah, I pulled something.
-You good?

Son, get me an ice pack.

Mm!