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1
00:00:18,838 --> 00:00:22,111
GRUFF‐
A greedy man
once yearned for more,
2
00:00:22,177 --> 00:00:24,783
so the fool began to borrow.
3
00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:27,354
He ate and drank
and told the bank,
4
00:00:27,421 --> 00:00:29,860
"I'll pay the debt tomorrow."
5
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:33,033
But as both dolt
and purse grew fat,
6
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,337
the calendar grew thinner.
7
00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:38,945
The debt collector had enough
8
00:00:39,011 --> 00:00:41,884
and hungered for his dinner.
9
00:00:41,984 --> 00:00:43,754
‐
10
00:00:43,854 --> 00:00:45,224
‐
11
00:00:48,330 --> 00:00:50,969
The coward ran,
with coin in hand,
12
00:00:51,069 --> 00:00:54,408
but come dawn, lost his breath.
13
00:00:55,845 --> 00:00:57,582
The fool was caught,
14
00:00:57,649 --> 00:00:59,085
'twas all for naught,
15
00:00:59,151 --> 00:01:03,026
for the collector's name
was Death.
16
00:01:03,093 --> 00:01:06,299
Heck of a poem there, fella.
17
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,069
I just caught the tail end.
18
00:01:08,103 --> 00:01:11,209
You got any more chilling verses
in that book of yours?
19
00:01:11,309 --> 00:01:14,115
Oh, this isn't
a poetry book, cowboy‐man.
20
00:01:14,181 --> 00:01:16,085
This is a ledger of debts.
21
00:01:16,185 --> 00:01:19,960
Debts to be paid
in money or blood,
22
00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:21,830
and lately, Venmo.
23
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:24,970
I've been sent
to collect in blood.
24
00:01:26,072 --> 00:01:27,107
Don't do this!
25
00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:29,947
I have a wife
and two young mistresses,
26
00:01:30,013 --> 00:01:31,817
also a secret other wife.
27
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:34,355
Please, I'm a good man.
28
00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:35,692
A good man!
29
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:42,404
In my experience, Mr. Texan...
30
00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,647
...there's no such thing
as a good man.
31
00:01:50,888 --> 00:01:55,732
♪ There were ninety and nine
that safely lay ♪
32
00:01:55,832 --> 00:01:58,571
♪ In the shelter of the fold ♪
33
00:01:58,638 --> 00:01:59,673
♪ Of the fold ♪
34
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:03,981
♪ But one was out
on the hills away ♪
35
00:02:04,048 --> 00:02:06,754
♪ Far off from
the gates of gold ♪
36
00:02:06,787 --> 00:02:08,023
♪ Gates of gold ♪
37
00:02:08,123 --> 00:02:12,331
♪ Away on the mountain
wild and bare ♪
38
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:15,872
♪ Away from
the tender shepherd's care. ♪
39
00:02:15,972 --> 00:02:18,109
Mm, as pristine
as the Garden of Eden
40
00:02:18,176 --> 00:02:20,047
before Eve came along.
41
00:02:20,147 --> 00:02:21,182
Homer Simpson?
42
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,521
I didn't know you were a fellow
volunteer Litter Gitter?
43
00:02:23,587 --> 00:02:24,756
No, I'm doing community service
44
00:02:24,823 --> 00:02:28,263
'cause of where I told the judge
to shove some parking tickets.
45
00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:30,167
Well, sir,
I guess your punishment
46
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:32,739
is my predilection to do good.
47
00:02:32,839 --> 00:02:35,945
Oh, Flanders, you do
so much for the town,
48
00:02:36,045 --> 00:02:38,283
yet no one ever
appreciates you for it.
49
00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:39,418
Why, thank you, Homer.
50
00:02:39,485 --> 00:02:42,424
Not a compliment.
Saying you're dumb.
51
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:48,804
Shucks!
52
00:02:48,871 --> 00:02:50,608
Gosh! Ah!
53
00:02:50,675 --> 00:02:52,378
Honey, ooh, mustard!
54
00:02:58,691 --> 00:03:02,899
Hey, that's a strange place
to check your bag‐a‐rino.
55
00:03:05,938 --> 00:03:07,441
Dear Lord.
56
00:03:07,509 --> 00:03:09,145
Crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap,
57
00:03:09,211 --> 00:03:11,082
crap! Oof!
58
00:03:11,182 --> 00:03:13,286
I saw you fell,
59
00:03:13,353 --> 00:03:16,092
so I rushed over
to laugh at you, then...
60
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:25,110
Aw, it's always been my dream
to find a bag of money.
61
00:03:25,177 --> 00:03:26,479
You stole my dream.
62
00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:28,751
You know, I'd say it's all
a part of God's plan,
63
00:03:28,851 --> 00:03:31,557
but usually that only applies
to horrible tragedies.
64
00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:34,529
Aw, a do‐gooder like you
finding this money
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00:03:34,596 --> 00:03:37,569
is proof that karma is real,
which sucks
66
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,040
'cause now I can't club you
over the head and take it.
67
00:03:40,107 --> 00:03:42,277
Aw, thanks, neighbor.
68
00:03:43,547 --> 00:03:47,789
$173,296.
69
00:03:47,889 --> 00:03:52,297
We should get a huge terrarium
with like a million turtles.
70
00:03:52,364 --> 00:03:55,872
No, we should get a speedboat
with bunk beds on it.
71
00:03:55,972 --> 00:03:57,141
‐Turtles.
‐Bunk‐boat.
72
00:03:57,207 --> 00:03:58,978
‐Turtles!
‐Bunk‐boat!
73
00:03:59,044 --> 00:04:00,681
I wish
your great‐grandfather,
74
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,019
Paw Paw Flanders,
was still here to guide us.
75
00:04:03,086 --> 00:04:05,658
He was the finest man
I ever knew.
76
00:04:08,229 --> 00:04:10,400
Pouch of chewing tobacco
for myself
77
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,039
and a pouch of candy tobacco
for my grandson.
78
00:04:16,412 --> 00:04:18,617
Paw Paw, that man stole
a loaf of bread.
79
00:04:18,684 --> 00:04:21,022
It's under his T‐shirt
that says...
80
00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:23,193
Linda Ronstadt.
81
00:04:23,293 --> 00:04:24,863
Stay here, Neddy.
82
00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:29,639
Afternoon, mop top.
83
00:04:29,706 --> 00:04:31,142
Yeah?
84
00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:37,187
Here's some "bread"
for your bread,
85
00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:39,458
my countercultural friend.
86
00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:43,701
‐Have a good one.
‐Death to pigs, except you, man.
87
00:04:43,801 --> 00:04:46,540
Gee, Paw Paw,
why didn't you arrest him?
88
00:04:46,607 --> 00:04:49,245
Neddy, when I was growing up
at the orphanage,
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00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:54,021
the harder the good,
the better the man.
90
00:04:55,992 --> 00:04:58,631
Boys, I know just what to do.
91
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,373
Oh, my gosh.
92
00:05:03,439 --> 00:05:06,112
In all my years
of orphanagereal management,
93
00:05:06,179 --> 00:05:09,451
I've never seen
a donation this generous.
94
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:11,690
The town's gonna go
ape over bananas
95
00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:14,395
when it hears all about
your generosity.
96
00:05:14,461 --> 00:05:16,065
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
97
00:05:16,165 --> 00:05:18,136
I always donate anonymously.
98
00:05:18,203 --> 00:05:20,541
"When thou doest thine alms..."
99
00:05:20,608 --> 00:05:24,014
"Do not sound a trumpet
before thee."
100
00:05:24,048 --> 00:05:25,651
Matthew 6:2.
101
00:05:27,589 --> 00:05:29,726
Aw, but wouldn't you like
some accolades
102
00:05:29,826 --> 00:05:32,699
and attaboys for being
such an upstanding fella?
103
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:34,803
Oh, I don't do good deeds
for recognition.
104
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:36,673
That's why no one
ever gives it to me.
105
00:05:36,773 --> 00:05:37,976
Hold on.
106
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:42,719
What if you donated that money
in the name of someone special?
107
00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:46,325
I could honor my Paw Paw.
108
00:05:46,392 --> 00:05:49,331
Oh, see?
Nothing prideful about that.
109
00:05:49,431 --> 00:05:51,837
Now, what's the name
of the saintly fella
110
00:05:51,904 --> 00:05:54,241
you'd like to give
all the credit to?
111
00:05:54,308 --> 00:05:55,912
Ned Flanders.
112
00:05:55,978 --> 00:05:57,214
Uh, the First.
113
00:05:57,314 --> 00:05:59,151
ORPHANS
114
00:05:59,184 --> 00:06:00,888
Ned's number one!
115
00:06:00,955 --> 00:06:03,192
Paw Paw was technically
Ned number one,
116
00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:04,829
so that chant's okay with me.
117
00:06:04,863 --> 00:06:08,871
So, how does it feel to be the
most beloved man in Springfield?
118
00:06:08,938 --> 00:06:10,908
You mean, the grandson of?
119
00:06:12,044 --> 00:06:14,816
It feels darn‐diddly good.
120
00:06:28,544 --> 00:06:30,080
I love a pomegranate.
121
00:06:30,146 --> 00:06:34,188
Its juices remind me of the
bloody profession I've chosen.
122
00:06:34,255 --> 00:06:36,860
No, I agree, it's not subtle.
123
00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:40,166
Anyhoo, the Rich Texan account
has been balanced,
124
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,371
and I'll be bringing you
the proof.
125
00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:44,809
No, not the whole head.
126
00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:47,782
They only let you have
one bag on United.
127
00:06:47,815 --> 00:06:51,222
An anonymous do‐gooder donated
a fortune to a local orphanage,
128
00:06:51,289 --> 00:06:53,961
money found
in an old Pan Am bag.
129
00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:58,537
A grand total of $173,296.
130
00:06:58,604 --> 00:07:01,108
I'm staying in Springfield.
131
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:05,785
I have a very old,
very personal debt to collect.
132
00:07:05,851 --> 00:07:09,224
I spoke to the generous donor,
who insisted on anonymity.
133
00:07:09,258 --> 00:07:11,863
(deep,
It feels darn‐diddly good.
134
00:07:19,746 --> 00:07:21,817
Good day to you, shopkeep.
135
00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:24,121
Quite the collection
of funny books you have here.
136
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:25,457
Wonder if you could help us.
137
00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:28,831
Looking for a local fella,
name of Flanders.
138
00:07:28,897 --> 00:07:32,237
Do I look like the town's
information kiosk to you?
139
00:07:32,304 --> 00:07:33,741
It is much smaller than I.
140
00:07:33,774 --> 00:07:35,678
Hit the bricks, Lucky Charms.
141
00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:38,349
I like a good joke.
142
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,451
But my partner?
143
00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:41,590
She's not quite as jovial.
144
00:07:41,657 --> 00:07:44,562
‐Now, where's this
Flanders chap?
‐
145
00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:48,036
Ooh, locking the door
as a means of intimidation.
146
00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:49,639
How original.
147
00:07:49,739 --> 00:07:52,679
The silent
but violent accomplice,
148
00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:55,016
another overworked cliché.
149
00:07:58,691 --> 00:08:00,460
Correction, French accomplice.
150
00:08:00,528 --> 00:08:03,232
An unexpected yet still
underwhelming twist.
151
00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:04,435
Two stars.
152
00:08:04,536 --> 00:08:06,640
Just point us towards
Ned Flanders,
153
00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:08,276
and Colette won't have to spoil
154
00:08:08,343 --> 00:08:11,048
this lovely morning
we're having.
155
00:08:15,490 --> 00:08:16,425
Mando!
156
00:08:16,526 --> 00:08:18,864
Stop, stop! I don't know
where Flanders lives,
157
00:08:18,964 --> 00:08:22,371
but you can always find him at
the First Church of Springfield.
158
00:08:22,437 --> 00:08:25,210
Now, that wasn't
so hard, was it?
159
00:08:25,276 --> 00:08:28,149
I'll let you get back to your
Heathcliffs and your Garfields.
160
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,986
I only like the cat ones.
161
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:32,157
‐
162
00:08:32,224 --> 00:08:36,265
Um, two thugs just manhandled me
in the collectibles.
163
00:08:36,365 --> 00:08:39,906
Why the hell am I
paying you for protection?
164
00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:42,745
If another outfit
is moving in on my town,
165
00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:46,520
then appropriate violence
will be taken.
166
00:08:50,928 --> 00:08:52,732
Bye, now.
167
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,769
Mr. Flanders, it's an honor
168
00:08:54,836 --> 00:08:57,575
to live next door
to such a generous man.
169
00:08:57,642 --> 00:08:58,711
Baller move, Ned.
170
00:08:58,811 --> 00:09:00,581
You splashed the cash
on some no‐dads,
171
00:09:00,648 --> 00:09:03,554
and now you're the top
God‐wad. Respect.
172
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,891
Well, I can't accept
your praise,
173
00:09:06,025 --> 00:09:07,795
as that donation
wasn't in my name.
174
00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:11,202
Oh, you heard him, kids.
Take back your praise.
175
00:09:11,268 --> 00:09:12,805
Anonymous Boy Scout Superman
176
00:09:12,905 --> 00:09:15,243
doesn't want any hugs
or handshakes
177
00:09:15,343 --> 00:09:17,314
or little pats on the head.
178
00:09:17,380 --> 00:09:20,153
Well, I wasn't trying to‐‐
179
00:09:20,253 --> 00:09:21,288
Um, oops.
180
00:09:21,355 --> 00:09:24,061
I forgot my Bible inside. Bye.
181
00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:27,769
Uh, pardon me, sir.
182
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:30,173
I believe that's my good book
you're giving a look.
183
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,843
"Ned Flanders."
184
00:09:31,877 --> 00:09:33,379
Used to be a man had to die
185
00:09:33,514 --> 00:09:35,885
to get his name
printed in his Bible.
186
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,955
Eh, guess I saved someone
the trouble.
187
00:09:38,022 --> 00:09:40,093
Hey, haven't seen you
in our church before.
188
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,462
Are you new to the pew?
189
00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:43,332
I am a debt collector by trade,
190
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:46,573
and this ledger
is my "good book."
191
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,779
I only have one unbalanced debt,
my very first.
192
00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:52,752
It's like having a tickle
in my nose for 50 years
193
00:09:52,819 --> 00:09:56,158
but never getting to sneeze.
194
00:09:57,929 --> 00:10:00,233
That's the same amount I‐‐
195
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,206
This is now your debt to me.
196
00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:06,546
Uncle Neddy!
197
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,951
Barb, am I glad to see you.
198
00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:10,621
You know, I was just
talking to...
199
00:10:10,688 --> 00:10:12,390
He's gone.
200
00:10:12,491 --> 00:10:13,827
No, I'm not.
201
00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:17,134
I started to hide, but I
couldn't find any good places.
202
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,608
I'll see you later.
203
00:10:20,708 --> 00:10:23,814
That was the most terrifying
man I ever met.
204
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,618
Yup, he's an odd duck,
all right.
205
00:10:25,684 --> 00:10:27,387
Say, I'm glad I found you.
206
00:10:27,454 --> 00:10:30,326
The Springfield Winter Markets
are opening tonight,
207
00:10:30,393 --> 00:10:34,067
and I was pondering if you
wanted to come with.
208
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,370
To chaperone the kids?
209
00:10:35,436 --> 00:10:37,407
To chaperone me.
210
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,178
Like a date.
211
00:10:39,244 --> 00:10:41,817
Ooh!
212
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,870
Get out of town.
You? A javelin thrower?
213
00:10:51,937 --> 00:10:53,874
Oh, yeah.
I would've qualified
214
00:10:53,941 --> 00:10:55,778
for the Pine City
Junior Throwlympics, but,
215
00:10:55,878 --> 00:10:57,247
you know, that was
the year the good Lord
216
00:10:57,347 --> 00:11:00,053
thought to bless me
with my top shelf here.
217
00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:02,157
I hated to hang up
my javelin clogs,
218
00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:05,196
but luckily I discovered
219
00:11:05,263 --> 00:11:06,733
parentless children.
220
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,639
Barb Belfry, at the risk
of sounding crass,
221
00:11:09,706 --> 00:11:11,710
I... I think you're swell.
222
00:11:11,776 --> 00:11:13,580
Cute couple alert.
223
00:11:13,614 --> 00:11:15,818
So cute, so cute!
224
00:11:15,885 --> 00:11:18,590
Some arm candy for Flandy.
225
00:11:18,657 --> 00:11:20,226
Whoop‐de‐do.
226
00:11:21,696 --> 00:11:24,368
Uh, you've had
a little too much eggnog.
227
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,940
Nog just gives voice to truth.
228
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,046
That's right, neighborino.
229
00:11:30,113 --> 00:11:31,181
I'm onto you.
230
00:11:31,282 --> 00:11:33,754
When you bought
all the orphans in town,
231
00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:35,925
I thought you were a fool,
232
00:11:35,958 --> 00:11:38,964
but now I see what you
233
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:43,172
buy the love and admiration
of all these suckers.
234
00:11:43,239 --> 00:11:44,408
Boo!
235
00:11:44,474 --> 00:11:47,648
All right, noggy,
into the drunk rink with you.
236
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,353
Go slip it off.
237
00:11:55,898 --> 00:11:59,371
I've never been so humiliated
at a seasonal market.
238
00:11:59,438 --> 00:12:03,246
How can someone else's
generosity make you angry?
239
00:12:03,312 --> 00:12:05,918
Mm, because that money
should've been mine!
240
00:12:05,985 --> 00:12:08,089
I fall down inclines
all the time,
241
00:12:08,155 --> 00:12:12,632
and all I ever get
is concussionezzezzezzezzes...
242
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,734
zzezzes.
243
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,838
Wow. I can't believe I'm married
244
00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:18,577
to the most selfish man
in the world.
245
00:12:22,017 --> 00:12:24,488
‐
246
00:12:29,599 --> 00:12:31,636
How come every song you play
247
00:12:31,703 --> 00:12:33,974
has to be so kooky and obscure?
248
00:12:34,107 --> 00:12:36,546
Just for once, I wouldn't mind
a little Taylor Swift
249
00:12:36,613 --> 00:12:38,015
before we commit an atrocity.
250
00:12:38,115 --> 00:12:40,086
‐
251
00:12:40,186 --> 00:12:41,556
It's right here.
252
00:12:41,623 --> 00:12:42,992
‐
253
00:12:43,794 --> 00:12:45,631
Relax. I remember it.
254
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,267
Evergreen Terrace.
255
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,237
740... something.
256
00:12:58,957 --> 00:13:01,563
‐
‐Hmm?
257
00:13:01,630 --> 00:13:03,299
‐
258
00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:11,215
What do you got there, boy?
259
00:13:11,315 --> 00:13:13,219
Drop it, boy. Drop it.
260
00:13:19,164 --> 00:13:21,368
‐Doggy man face.
‐
261
00:13:26,445 --> 00:13:28,082
Nighty night, Mr. Flanders.
262
00:13:35,129 --> 00:13:37,334
Well, as the picture frame
said to the level,
263
00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:39,739
that was quite an even‐ing.
264
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:45,350
Oh, this was
the best night I've had
265
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,886
in a month of Sundays.
266
00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:48,824
Barb, if I were
to kiss you right now,
267
00:13:48,857 --> 00:13:50,794
would, uh, would that
be all right?
268
00:13:50,861 --> 00:13:52,631
Golly, it sure would.
269
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:54,802
Hot dog!
270
00:13:54,869 --> 00:13:56,238
Well, bye.
271
00:13:56,305 --> 00:14:00,413
Ned, would you like to come in
and see my javelin medals?
272
00:14:00,514 --> 00:14:03,486
‐Oh, yeah. Oh, you betcha.
‐Diddly.
273
00:14:03,553 --> 00:14:05,089
‐That's the business.
‐Doodly.
274
00:14:05,156 --> 00:14:07,293
‐Oh, good golly, Miss Molly.
‐Great golly.
275
00:14:07,394 --> 00:14:10,601
‐Right in the kisser. Oh, yeah.
‐
276
00:14:11,903 --> 00:14:14,675
Is that... is that
Sideshow Mel?
277
00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:16,145
You must be a real fan.
278
00:14:16,211 --> 00:14:18,550
Well, I used to be.
279
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:26,298
He's your husband?
280
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:29,104
Well, technically,
but don't you worry, hon.
281
00:14:29,171 --> 00:14:31,375
We got an arrangement,
me and Mel.
282
00:14:31,509 --> 00:14:32,545
What?!
283
00:14:32,645 --> 00:14:34,982
I get to have
my extracurriculars
284
00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:36,385
and, uh, so does he.
285
00:14:36,452 --> 00:14:39,091
Well, he tries, anyway.
Aw, bless his heart.
286
00:14:39,191 --> 00:14:41,830
Oh, Lordy, I'm an adulterer.
287
00:14:41,896 --> 00:14:45,403
Don't mind me.
Just rebooting the Wi‐Fi.
288
00:14:45,504 --> 00:14:46,973
Gah, the cuckold!
289
00:14:47,073 --> 00:14:49,912
Oh, come on, Mel. You knew
I had the living room tonight.
290
00:14:49,979 --> 00:14:51,683
Check the darn schedule.
291
00:14:51,783 --> 00:14:52,918
Don't worry about him.
292
00:14:52,985 --> 00:14:54,856
He can turn his video game
up real loud.
293
00:14:54,956 --> 00:14:57,260
Barb Belfry,
this diddly‐daliance
294
00:14:57,327 --> 00:14:59,397
is doodily‐done.
295
00:14:59,464 --> 00:15:01,435
‐
296
00:15:01,536 --> 00:15:03,940
Another Craigslist winner?
297
00:15:04,007 --> 00:15:05,711
Oh, shut up, Mel.
298
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,453
Your prized piggy,
299
00:15:10,554 --> 00:15:12,892
Mr. Ned Flanders.
300
00:15:15,229 --> 00:15:17,935
This is not Ned Flanders.
301
00:15:18,002 --> 00:15:19,705
W‐Well, sure it is.
302
00:15:19,806 --> 00:15:21,442
Why, look at his credit cards,
303
00:15:21,543 --> 00:15:23,078
his medic alert bracelet,
304
00:15:23,145 --> 00:15:25,450
the tag on his suspiciously
tight undershirt.
305
00:15:25,517 --> 00:15:28,122
They‐they all
say Ned Flanders.
306
00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:31,395
Stupid Flanders,
getting me kidnapped.
307
00:15:34,702 --> 00:15:37,273
You've brought me the wrong man!
308
00:15:37,340 --> 00:15:40,146
Okay, okay,
I'll just get rid of him.
309
00:15:41,381 --> 00:15:43,185
Don't kill him.
310
00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:44,020
Yet.
311
00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:45,557
It's your lucky day, big boy.
312
00:15:45,691 --> 00:15:47,895
I hope you like HGTV.
313
00:15:47,962 --> 00:15:50,701
This one loves
the Property Brothers.
314
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:53,472
‐Giant charmless goons.
‐
315
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:56,613
Oh, Lord, seems like
everything's gone screwy
316
00:15:56,646 --> 00:15:58,884
ever since I donated
that money in my name‐‐
317
00:15:58,984 --> 00:16:02,190
I mean,
in, uh, Paw Paw's name.
318
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:05,864
Oh, are you punishing me
for one small,
319
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,035
possibly prideful moment?
320
00:16:09,539 --> 00:16:11,609
God?
321
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:13,947
Not quite, church chum,
322
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,886
but another friend of yours
is on the line.
323
00:16:16,953 --> 00:16:18,122
Flanders, you got to save me.
324
00:16:18,189 --> 00:16:20,226
This guy's way too weird
not to be dangerous.
325
00:16:20,293 --> 00:16:22,565
He doesn't even look
at his phone when he's bored.
326
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:23,834
He's not human, I tell you.
327
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,471
You've got 24 hours
to get me my money,
328
00:16:26,573 --> 00:16:29,879
or I'll take out his tonsils
with a power drill.
329
00:16:29,946 --> 00:16:31,014
No cops.
330
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:35,122
Ned, Homer's missing.
331
00:16:35,189 --> 00:16:38,195
I just found the back door open,
his car's in the garage,
332
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:41,769
and the dog looks really queasy
for some reason.
333
00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:46,278
The last thing I said to Homer
334
00:16:46,345 --> 00:16:49,184
was that he was the
most selfish man in the world.
335
00:16:49,284 --> 00:16:50,921
Do you think
I should call the police?
336
00:16:50,988 --> 00:16:53,325
Oh, no. If she calls the police,
Homer's dead.
337
00:16:53,425 --> 00:16:56,933
If I want to save his life,
I have to... tell a lie.
338
00:16:57,033 --> 00:17:00,239
Uh, H‐Homer, uh, uh,
stopped by here last night
339
00:17:00,306 --> 00:17:02,912
and apologized
for being a jerk to me,
340
00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:05,116
and‐and, uh, you know,
then he hopped on a bus
341
00:17:05,182 --> 00:17:07,387
to Shelbyville
for a‐a‐a three‐day
342
00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:09,692
anger management course
at the Airport, uh,
343
00:17:09,759 --> 00:17:11,061
Hyatt‐Hyatt Express.
344
00:17:11,161 --> 00:17:13,065
That doesn't sound like Homer.
345
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,401
Are you calling me a liar?!
346
00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:17,975
No, but if anyone other than you
told me that story,
347
00:17:18,042 --> 00:17:20,079
I'd be a little suspicious.
348
00:17:20,179 --> 00:17:22,618
Oh, you got to believe
old Honest Ned.
349
00:17:22,718 --> 00:17:25,958
Anyway, I'm, uh, late for my,
uh... hormone therapy.
350
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:28,162
Bye, now. No cops.
351
00:17:28,229 --> 00:17:31,769
Something about this
just doesn't feel right.
352
00:17:51,308 --> 00:17:54,548
Ah, donut and a fried egg.
353
00:17:54,649 --> 00:17:58,222
You, stranger, are a man
of circular tastes.
354
00:17:59,825 --> 00:18:03,499
On the subject of circles,
some associates of yours
355
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:07,641
roughed up a rotund gentleman
under my protection,
356
00:18:07,708 --> 00:18:10,212
and now I am irate.
357
00:18:10,346 --> 00:18:12,016
Hmm.
358
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:16,358
Did you ever hear the parable
of Lucifer and the millipede?
359
00:18:16,425 --> 00:18:18,295
One day, a tiny millipede...
360
00:18:18,329 --> 00:18:21,536
Get the hell out of my town,
or else!
361
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,758
Excuse me.
Have you seen this man?
362
00:18:32,858 --> 00:18:34,427
Sure, that's the hobo
363
00:18:34,528 --> 00:18:36,465
that eats the day‐olds
out of our dumpster.
364
00:18:36,566 --> 00:18:39,270
‐Haven't seen him today, though.
‐
365
00:18:40,439 --> 00:18:44,214
You just ate
your last cigar, old man.
366
00:18:45,617 --> 00:18:47,053
Ah, coffee.
367
00:18:47,153 --> 00:18:49,024
Exactly how I like it,
368
00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:50,794
scalding hot!
369
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:52,898
Ah! But you said hot.
370
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:54,334
Hot!
371
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,206
‐
372
00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:00,747
Gun!
373
00:19:00,847 --> 00:19:02,317
What the...
374
00:19:05,122 --> 00:19:06,993
(to tune of "Stayin' Alive"
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
375
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:09,932
Stayin'‐‐
376
00:19:12,070 --> 00:19:14,775
You should've let me
finish my parable!
377
00:19:15,510 --> 00:19:17,581
‐
‐Ahoy‐hoy.
378
00:19:28,035 --> 00:19:30,206
‐
‐Huh?
379
00:19:31,008 --> 00:19:32,043
Uh...
380
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:37,353
Why are you dipping
my face in dough?
381
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:39,992
Why are you kneading my face
into an "O" shape?
382
00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:43,298
Why are you pushing my face
toward the deep fryer?
383
00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:46,104
Oh, I see. Clever.
384
00:19:46,204 --> 00:19:48,777
‐
385
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,419
Madam.
386
00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:01,101
Homer.
387
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,005
‐Oh, no.
‐
388
00:20:03,072 --> 00:20:06,144
Hands up. This is totally...
389
00:20:06,211 --> 00:20:08,082
Oh, God! My God!
390
00:20:08,182 --> 00:20:09,518
What the hell happened?!
391
00:20:09,585 --> 00:20:12,591
Oh, Mafia guys! Headless dude!
392
00:20:12,658 --> 00:20:14,695
Oh, Disco Man!
393
00:20:14,795 --> 00:20:16,431
I need some water.
394
00:20:16,498 --> 00:20:19,705
Oh! His face is a donut!
395
00:20:19,772 --> 00:20:22,009
That is so messed‐up.
396
00:20:35,102 --> 00:20:38,208
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
397
00:20:38,275 --> 00:20:41,214
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
398
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:44,020
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
399
00:20:44,087 --> 00:20:46,793
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
400
00:21:30,714 --> 00:21:32,350
Shh!
26903
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