All language subtitles for Tacoma.FD.S03E06.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- Come on.

Come on, the stupid thing's
offline again.

GPS is supposed
to make life easier.

- Engine 24 is en route.

Guys, we want to go this way.

- Nav-a-Ninja says to go
the other way.

- Nav-a-Ninja sucks.
VROOM is the way to go.

- VROOM's the one that makes
you take a left turn

into traffic.
- Who cares?

We're a fire engine.
We have a siren.

Just go left.
- Go right, go right.

- Engine 24.

- What is
your present location?

- Hang tight a second, Marnie.

Guys, forget the phones, okay?

I got the whole Tacoma map
right here in my steel trap.

We want to go right on Cedar,
left on Union, and we're there.

- Not according to Nav-a-Ninja.
- Or VROOM.

- 24!
- What's your ETA?

- I'm gonna ask this person
for directions.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, no,
you are not asking that guy.

- You're not gonna ask
directions.

- We can figure
this out ourselves.

- No, no.
- I'm gonna ask this guy.

- You're not asking
for directions.

- Don't you--
Oh, you're embarrassing.

- Hey, sir. Hi, do you know
how to get to 11th Street?

- According to VROOM,
you guys are way off.

- Thank you so much, sir.
You have a great day.

- Thank you, sir.

- That was very helpful
and embarrassing.

- I've never been
so embarrassed in my life.

- Sorry.

- Engine 24,
Engine 18 is on the scene.

You may return to quarters.
- Here we go.

- Copy that.
- Great.

Should've listened to me.
I'm just the captain.

- Oh, really?
Because your phone says

we needed to pull over 'cause
there was an emergency vehicle

on the road.

I don't see
any emergency vehicle.

- Ike...

we are the emergency vehicle.

- Mm, damn!

- Shut up, Andy.

- All right, everybody,
listen up.

As you can imagine,

we're taking some heat for this
morning's navigation debacle,

or as I like to call it,
Lategate.

- Ooh, that's clevs.

- So, due
to your failure today,

the city has bumped us
up the list

to beta-test a new tech system.

It's some sort
of cutting-edge system

with a satnav upgrade
for the vehicles

and an interconnected suite
of AI products

for the entire station,
whatever that means.

- We don't need that futuristic
bullshit to do our jobs.

- I'm on your side.

When I was coming up,

a firefighter only needed
two things to put out a fire--

balls and water.

- You two geezers
are just experiencing

classic
middle-age technophobia.

And I guarantee you're gonna
love having a smart station.

- I guarantee I won't.

- I'll take my internal GPS

over any new-fangled nav system
any day of the week.

- Mm.
- Name any town in America.

I'll tell you the location
of the fire hydrants.

- Rancho Cucamonga.

- Okay, I said "in America."

- Kalamazoo.
- In America!

- All right, enough geography
for the day.

Back to work, everybody.
Let's go.

- Oh, wow.
Look at this stuff, man.

I mean, Inferna 4000--
this is better than I expected.

- They said we're just the
second station to beta-test it.

- Guys, infrared helmet visors.

These allow us to locate each
other in burning buildings,

like infrared
through the smoke.

- These bracelets will track
our vital signs,

our calorie intake,
and count our steps.

- You can talk to the sensor
anywhere in the whole station,

and there's over
100 celebrity voice options.

Inferna, set voice
to Sir Ian McKellen.

What is the temperature
of the center of the Sun?

of the Sun is
27 million degrees Fahrenheit.

- Wait, wait, wait.

Inferna,
say "I made a cocky-doody

in my big-boy pants."

- I've made a cocky-doody
in my big-boy pants.

- Inferna, what's the longest
someone can hold their breath?

Watch this, watch this.

How long can someone hold
their breath?

That's so weird.

Uh, maybe
it's just, like, a glitch

and just need to work out
some kinks.

- Don't hold your breath.

- Ah, I see what you did there.

- Give me that.

If I'm gonna put up with this,
I'm gonna pick the voice.

Oh-ho-ho, oh, oh.
Here you go.

Inferna, set voice
to Reba McEntire...

- Oh!

- And say "get to work,
you slackers.

all: Oh!

- So hot.
- Yeah, and so sexy.

- Ah, that's not that sexy.

- What?
- Carry on.

- Okay, my turn, my turn.

Inferna, change voice
to Antonio Banderas

and say "oke-silly-dilly-dokeo,
I'm an idiot."

I am an idiot.

- "To activate
the digital assignment board,

"use the swipe sensor

to enter the station system's
ten-digit operational code."

Operational code?
I think I remember that.

- Ah, I don't want to see
your concentration face, Eddie.

- It's gross.

- I love
the Penisi concentration face.

Gampy does it, too.

- It's like he's trying
to crap out

an entire rotisserie chicken.
- I'm confused.

- Help him out.
- Here.

- Oh.
- You don't need this?

- Here you go. All set.

- That's my girl.
- Millennials.

Hello.

- What the hell is this?

- It's part of the package.

It's a mobile vending machine
that talks to you.

I am Snak-a-Ton.

Nice to meet you,
Chief McConky.

- Hey, how does it know
my name?

- Oh, come on, Dad.

Every robot
knows the man in charge.

Check this out.

Hey, Snak-a-ton, can I have
some corn chips?

Corn chips.

- Oh. Oh.

- Pretty impressive.

- Come on.

- Yeah, what's your modern
technology gonna do about that?

- Ooh, that's Broomba.

- Beat it, Broomba.

Get out of here,
you little cockroach.

I don't like robots.
- What is wrong with you?

Rescue 42 respond,
priority one, to box alarm.

- Where is that coming from?

- It's not dispatch.
- No, it's not.

What is that?
Hey.

Hey, what the hell is going on?

This isn't coming
from dispatch.

Inferna interfaces
with smoke alarms

in any house hooked up
to the system.

When a smoke alarm goes off,
it notifies us directly.

- That's ridiculous. We do not
take orders from robots.

Everybody stop
what you're doing.

- Eddie, what the hell?

You said
you were gonna call me.

- Marnie, I don't mean
to cut you off,

but are you showing a call
from 364 Richter Drive?

- Hang on.
Let me check.

Nope.
Nothing from that address.

- Dispatch
doesn't have that call.

Is Inferna programmed
to give apologies?

"All Apologies" by Nirvana
off their album "In Utero"?

- Shut up, Inferna.

Okay, listen up, everybody.

No fancy technology
will ever replace

good old-fashioned
human interaction--

- Eddie!
- Yeah.

- Did you say 364 Richter?
- I did.

Rescue 42 respond,
priority one, on box alarm

with ladder 3--

- See? That saved us
a minute and a half.

I'm telling you, Cap,

this system is the wave
of the future.

It's gonna change
our lives forever!

- Oh, you guys got a quick
jump on that call, huh?

- Well, I got to admit,

the Inferna took us on
a faster route than I would've.

- Yeah, and our new infrared
visors helped us identify

the seat of the fire
through the smoke.

- All right, I'm gonna fill out
this incident report.

- I've already completed
an incident report.

Please sign the touch screen.

- Wow.
- Oh, jeez.

Easy as one, two, three.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, that reminds me
of a joke.

You guys hear the one about
the constipated mathematician?

- No.

- He had to work it out
with a pencil.

- Oh, man, this thing
is doing reports

and telling jokes for you.

Pretty soon there's gonna be
nothing left for you to do,

and you'll die all alone!

- Okay, okay.

All right.

God damn it.
Not cool, not cool.

Hello, Chief. Would you like
something to eat?

- I don't eat food
out of a computer.

- The more you tell me
what you like,

the better I can anticipate
what you want.

- How about you anticipate
not bothering me

while I'm doing
my purchase reports?

- I guess I will find
another person

who might enjoy
some sweet tea and pretzels.

Did you say
"sweet tea and pretzels"?

Sweet and savory.
- Huh.

And some pretzels.

That's a good pretzel.

- Inferna, call Taco Bell's
corporate headquarters

every 30 seconds
for the next 24 hours

and demand that they reinstate
the Mexican pizza.

- Hey, is it just me,
or is it hot in here?

- Huh.
It is toasty.

- Inferna, turn on
the air conditioning

in the break room, please.

- The station climate control

is on default setting
to maximize energy efficiency.

- Did she just tell me

she's not gonna turn
the air conditioning on?

- You just got to tell her
to override the default.

Inferna, override
climate default settings.

Inferna, override
climate default settings.

- Maybe it's, like,
it doesn't do that.

- You guys,
do you think Inferna

won't acknowledge me
because I'm Black?

- What? No.

- It's a computer
system thing, man.

- Here, let me try.

Inferna, override
climate default setting.

climate default settings

by downloading the Inferna app
on your mobile device.

- Oof, why is it
so hot in here?

- The system's set to maximize
energy efficiency or something.

- Hey, Cap.

Did you happen to read
the incident report

that the system
put together earlier?

- No. Why?
- You're not gonna like it.

- Whoa. How does it even come
up with these numbers?

My charisma rating's 4%?

I'm starting to think

this Inferna's got something
against me.

- Would you like me to play
the song

"Something Against You"
by the Pixies?

- No!

- Who the fuck
is the Pixies?

Ooh. Hmm.

Hey, Snak-a-ton!

- Hello.
- Ah.

- Try these.

They are fried beef jerky
with Buffalo sauce.

- Hey, well, what do you know?

Three of my favorite things--
beef jerky, Buffalo sauce,

and deep-fried.

Mmm.

This could be the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.

- Friendship?

- Have you seen this thing?
- Hmm?

- Inferna
filed an incident report

with bullshit ratings
about my performance.

Hang on.
I got to log back in.

What the hell's my password?

- Does that face ever work?
- Got it.

HookLine&Sphincter 253.

- Chief, would you like to wash
that down with a Gatorade?

- Hey, shut your piehole,
Snak-a-ton.

- Eddie.

- I am sorry, Captain Penis-i,

but as ranking officer,

only Chief McConky
can dismiss me.

- It's Penisi.

- You're dismissed, Snak-a-ton.

Thank you
for the delicious beef jerky.

- God damn it.

- Excuse me, Captain Penis-i.
- Oh, God!

- Oops, I'm sorry,
Captain Penis-i.

- I have had it
with this system.

- I don't know.
I'm starting to like it.

Have you considered that maybe
you're anti-technology?

- I'm anti-technology?
You're anti-technology.

- I have a robot.

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.

Nothing a nice bidet
can't take care of.

Ha ha.

Hey.

I'm in here.

- The motion sensors
are set to conserve energy

when no movement is detected.

- Here's your movement
right here.

- Thank you.

Hmm.

Okay, fine.

I prefer to bidet
in the dark, anyway

What happened to the water?

- You have reached

your water-consumption limit
for the day.

- All right, that's it.

If I want to shoot water
up my ass for five minutes

or 45 minutes,
that's my prerogative.

Now turn the water back on!

- According
to your wrist sensor,

your heart rate
is dangerously high.

Elevated blood pressure could
result in a heart attack.

We wouldn't want that
to happen...

would we, Captain?

- Oh, Ike, I read
about this new ab workout

that I thought you would love.

It's on rippedAF.edu.

- Buddy, that's thoughtful AF.

- Let me just pull it up
on the website.

Someone's trying to access
a website that's too hot.

- It blocked RippedAF because
of inappropriate content?

- What? That's just bros
teaching me how to get my abs

20% more ripped
in under 5 minutes a day.

- Let me see if I can get

on my new Pacific Northwest
dating site.

It's called
Seattle Flesh Market.

- Mmm, yummy.

- Blocked?

- It's not letting me get
on latstats&hardhats.com,

which is just muscular
tatted construction workers,

some of whom are naked.

- Inferna,

stop monitoring internet usage.

- I'm sorry. I didn't
understand your dialect.

- My dialect?
What the hell does that mean?

- If you're not speaking
English,

please select
another language.

- If I'm not speaking English?
- Are you kidding me right now?

No, whoa, whoa! Hey!

Inferna,
if that's your real name,

you listen to me,
you silly little bitch!

- Ike, according
to the assignment board,

you were supposed to roll
all the hoses

on the apparatus floor.

That's true.

I do have to do that.

- Hey.

We need to do something
about her.

Captain Calvin Palantonio
speaking--who's this?

- Cal-Pal.
Eddie Penisi.

- Oh, Eddie, my man.
What's the good word?

You still messing around
with Marnie down at dispatch?

- Sorry to cut you off, Cal,
but you guys are beta-testing

that new Inferna system,
too, right?

- Yeah.

- And how's that working out
for you?

- It's great. It's one of the
best systems we've ever had.

There's been a few hiccups,
but other than that,

everything's been pretty...

- Are you sure
everything's okay?

- Yeah, everything's...

- Cal?
Cal-Pal?

Cal, are you there?

Cal! Cal!

- Eddie. Eddie.
- Cal-Pal?

Eddie!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm here, Cal, sorry.

- What's the matter--
you daydreaming about Marnie?

- Hey, okay, let me tell you
something about Marnie--

- Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
I can't hear you.

I got to go.
Take it ease.

- Okay, take it ease.

- Cap, we need to talk
about this new system.

You mean I-N-F-E-R-N-A?

Y-E-S.

- It's becoming a downer--

refusing to change
the temperature,

filing unflattering reports,
controlling our internet.

- Engaging in unabashed racism.

- Hey, you guys
are preaching to the choir.

I want this thing gone.

The trick is convincing Chief.

He's got a love affair brewing
with S-N-A-K-A-T-O-N.

Sharknado?

- We need to make a plan.

- Station 24, there's a report
of a fire at 789 Bogus Avenue.

Please respond.

- As soon as we get back, we're
getting rid of this thing.

Engine 24 is en route
to 789 Bogus Avenue

for the box alarm.

- Engine 24, seriously?

789 Bogus Avenue?

- Oh, Cap!
- What?

- Whoa.

789 Bogus Avenue
is a fake address.

- Holy shit, you're right.

- The numbers on Bogus Ave
only go up to 500.

After that,
it becomes Bogus Parkway.

- Of course! No wonder the
other units haven't signed on.

Inferna sent us
on a wild-goose chase.

I don't get it.
This keypad usually works.

- Try 6969.

- No.

- What are the numbers
for D-I-C-K?

- Every door to the station
is locked from the inside.

- Come on, guys,
we're beta-testing this thing.

So what if it got
some streets mixed up

or it locked the doors
when we left?

That's just glitches
in a new system.

- No, no, no.
That's not glitches.

That's Inferna
trying to get rid of us.

- So I'm thinking

we get one of those smart-home
systems for the house.

Total game changer.
- What are you eating?

- Ranch-flavored pork rinds.

- Ew. Who gave you those?

- A friend.

- Well, don't fill up
on snacks.

We got dinner
with the Charneys tonight.

- Oh, yeah, right.
Where we going?

- That Italian place downtown,
the, uh...

Ooh, what's it called?

It's the, um...

It's the, uh, I want to say...

- Okay, I got to get
back to work, honey.

- Oh, got it.
Cucina Furiosa.

Okay. Love you.

Those Penisis and their
concentration face--ooh.

- I don't know
how you put up with it.

- We're locked out.
Let us in.

- 6969.

- We did that--there's
something wrong with the doors.

Open the window.
- Okay.

Damn.
- What the hell's going on?

- Our new tech system locked us
out of the station

because it's trying to take
over is what's going on.

- Ah, that's stupid.
It's just a malfunction.

- Well, this thing's been
malfunctioning

with extreme prejudice since
the minute we installed it,

but you wouldn't know that

because Snak-a-ton's
been shoving food

in your face all day long.

- Oh, stop it.

I wish I had five Snak-a-tons
instead of you ding-dongs.

- Hey, speaking
of Ding Dongs...

Mmm.

- You put a damn sock in it,
Snak-a-ton.

- I'm sorry.

If you could direct me
to your native language...

- My native language?

I'll show you
my native language.

Fuck you, Snak-a-ton!
Fuck you!

- What,
have you guys gone crazy?

Lucy, do you think Inferna's
out to get you?

- No, I like it.

I mean, what's not to like
about this?

- According
to your wrist sensor,

you've already consumed

more than enough empty calories
for one day, sweetheart.

- Sweetheart?

Hey, you know what?
Watch it, robot!

- Okay, okay.
- No, no!

That robot just fat-shamed me!

- All right, enough.

If this new system's
such a failure,

how come I haven't noticed?

- Because this boxy bitch

has kept you fat and happy
and blissfully ignorant.

Look at yourself.

You haven't been
out of that chair.

You're covered
in crumbs and chocolate

and cheese puff crud.

And you haven't even done
the purchase reports.

- Shit.

What have I done?

Suckered by a vending machine
on wheels.

- I'm just gonna
override the system

and download the app
on my phone.

- Nice.

- Whoa.

- How do we shut down
an AI system

that doesn't want to be
shut down

and is always listening?

Maybe we should unplug
the sensor for 30 seconds

and then plug it back in.
- That never works.

What if we act like robots

and trick the robots
into thinking

that we're robots
and they're humans?

- And then what?
- I don't know.

I just thought
it would be a cool twist.

- Guys, this exact scenario
happened

in a Schwarzenegger movie.

- What did Schwarzenegger do?
- He was like...

Right, lads,

we got to hack
into the mainframe

and reboot the computer.

- Was Schwarzenegger playing
an Irish character?

- Guys, what if we call
the customer-service number

that came with the equipment?

- That's all computerized.

- We're all out of ideas, Cap.

It's time to bust out
the concentration face.

- I can't believe
it's come down to this.

- I got it.
We need to become invisible.

- Why do these towels
have to be wet?

- To hide our heat signature.

- Heat signature?
- Yeah.

Let's go. Move!

- Ah! All right,
let's get to that fuse box.

- Ike, what are you doing?

- What? We're here now.
What's it gonna do?

- It's an electronic lock!

- Step aside, Cap!

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Power source failure.

System shutting down.

- Eat my shit, dumbass.

- Playing the song
"Eat My Shit, Dumbass"

by Lil Moby
off his album "Cupcakes in"...

- What's this?
- There is still one thing

that doesn't run
on the station's electricity.

- There you are.

I was worried when
I could not find my friend.

- You know I'd never leave you.

- I wish we could be together
all the time,

away from the others.

I don't think they like me.

- Someday we will be,
Snak-a-ton.

Someday it'll just be
you and me.

- Sounds delicious.

- Snak-a-ton,
would you be so kind

as to go get me some sweet tea
and pretzels?

- Yes, Chief,
I will be right back.

I have some new pretzels
shaped like bunny rabbits.

Mmm.

- Any idea when the power's
coming back on?

- Ah, it's gonna be a while.

- Yeah, when we shorted
the fuse box,

we blew out
the local transformer

and screwed up the grid
pretty bad.

- The city council
doesn't believe our story.

They think we damaged the power
for no good reason.

- Who cares what they think?
That was real.

That machine came for us.

- It was just a beta test, Cap.

- No, it was not.

- Guys, who cares what it was?

This right here is nice.

It's quiet...

less racist...

simple.
- Exactly.

Let's just play these board
games and maybe look each other

in the eye while
we're doing it--how about that?

- That's a great idea.
No more electronics.

- I guess the only downside

is there's nothing left to eat
at the station.

Hey, Chief, you think there's
anything edible left

in Snak-a-ton's
metallic carcass?

- I don't know.
It's out in the dumpster.

You're welcome to sniff around
and see what you can find.

- On second thought, nah.

That thing always gave me
the heebie-jeebies.

- Me too!

- Whoa, neat!

- I am Snak-a-t-t-t-ton.

And I love--love--love you.

- Cool.

- Are you hungry?