All language subtitles for Tacoma.FD.S03E05.WEBRip.x264-ION10

- Come on. Come on.
Bring it back.

Cut the wheel.
There you go.

Good job. A little more.

A little more.
Right there. Right there.

Hey! Yes.

Way to go, honey.
I love it.

- Yes.
- Come here.

I'm so proud of you.
Come here.

I want a kiss from you.

Come on, baby.
- Jeez, stop.

- Oh, I love you.
- Let go of me.

- You're my baby.
- Hey, get off me.

- Oh, you have got
to be kidding me.

In what world
do you think it's okay

to speak to a female employee
that way?

- No, sir,
you don't understand.

- And you certainly don't touch
them inappropriately like that.

- Oh, uh--

- The city is gonna hear
about this.

- Hold on a second.

- I got your back,
female firefighter.

- Can we still go
get ice cream?

- Yeah, okay. Who's driving?

- Me!

- Hey.
Still studying, Luce?

- I got the test today.
- Second time's the charm, huh?

- Yeah.

Well, I'm still gonna be

the first female at Station 24
- with a 2
- Q license.

And then you better watch out,
Ike,

because I'm gonna be
driving that engine.

- Whoo, scary.

Just remember,
the mirrors in there,

they're not
for checking your makeup.

- Yeah.
And no selfies while driving.

- Y'all ever hear
about the female driver

that ran out of gas?

She thought the car
ran on emotions.

Yeah, keep laughing, Granny,
because next,

I'm gonna get
my paramedic license,

and then you'll be out of work.

all: Ooh.
- What? Can she do that?

- Lucy, I'm rooting for you.

I love a woman
who drives a truck.

Actually, it's on my list
of Penisi's top qualities.

- What are some of
the other ones, Cap?

A woman who doesn't
"mess with my hair"?

- Actually, there are
several things

I find irresistible in a woman.

For example,

I like female commuters

who wear business suits
and sneakers.

I'm a sucker for girls
who like Patrick Swayze movies.

- I like that too.

- I love tall women.
6 feet and up.

- I actually worked
with an exotic dancer once

who was over 7 feet tall.

You know what her name was?

Andrea the Giant.
- Whoa.

- Her G-string
was like a parasail.

- Where is she now?

- She fell off a cliff.

- The city takes
sexual harassment complaints

very seriously.

- Councilwoman,

you cannot sexually harass
your own daughter.

- We both know the TFD has
a lot of ground to make up

when it comes
to gender equality.

- Oh, really?

Did you know we're about to get

our first female engine driver?

- Cool.
Welcome to the 19th century.

This shift hasn't had
sexual bias training

in over four years,

and now you have
a female firefighter.

So I've arranged
for a counselor

to run a session today.

- Today? What if we're busy?

- Make some time...sweetie.

- Oh!

Might wanna get that fixed!

- I can call my daughter
"sweetie."

- And you know who else
I think is hot?

Marge Simpson,

but that's really
about the blue hair

because I love blue hair.

I love a woman
who eats with her hands,

and I love a woman
who likes black coffee.

- Hey, everybody.

I just met with Linda Price.

- What? Is she still here?
- She's gone.

- Whew.

- What does she check
on your list?

- Municipal authority figure.

- Oh, that's so specific.

- She has ordered us to undergo

a sexual bias training session
today.

- I told you not to kiss me.

- I can kiss you whatever
I want!

You're my daughter.

The instructor
will be here shortly.

- Okay.

- Ugh, is this gonna be
more role-playing?

- Are they gonna check
our social media?

- Guys, stop.

As the most woke person here,

I can tell you
that sexual bias training

is something
we can all learn from,

especially a chief
who hugs his female employees.

- Watch it.
Next time, I'll hug you.

- Yeah, and I'll hug you back
because I'm that woke.

- Why are you growling?

Oh, Jesus! Come on.

Ah, sheep shit!
- You okay, Chief?

- Ah, I just spilt my coffee
over the rug.

- Oh, man. Yeah, right there?

- No, actually, that's when
Eddie tried to surprise me

on my birthday
in his birthday suit--oof.

- Oh, there it is.
- Nope.

That is when Eddie
tried to show me

how bouncy
his new Super Ball was.

It's actually this one
over here.

- Oh, man.
- It's a freshy.

- Why don't you just get
a new carpet in here, Chief?

- Ah, I don't know; it's such
a headache, you know?

Those carpet guys are always
trying to rip you off.

- You do know that Andy's
side job is selling carpet

for his uncle's carpet company,
right?

- Huh.

- I'm sure he'd give you
a great deal, Chief.

- I never really think of Andy
outside of this building.

- Andy!

- Maybe I should
just flip it over.

- Andy!
- Hey!

- What's up?
- Ah.

- Chief needs a new
carpet, right?

That's you, baby.

- Eh, I don't like
to mix business with business.

- Neither do I.

Actually,
I'm a very tough customer

and a very savvy customer.

I just figured if you're gonna
give me a sweet deal, well...

- Of course I would.

The problem is,

I give my friends
too sweet of a deal,

and then my uncle gets mad.

- Well, we're not
really friends, right?

I mean, huh? Not friends?
Wink, wink.

Uh-huh. You know what I mean?

No, no, we're not.
- Yeah. All right.

- Yeah. Okay, let's do it.
I'll hook you up.

- Ah, you'll hook me up.
I love that.

- Let's do it.
- It all worked out.

That's awesome.
- Yeah.

Let's stop standing around
and let's get back to work.

I'd love to talk some more,
but I don't wanna anymore.

- Hey, Luce, if you need
any help learning how

to read a map,
you can ask any one of us.

- Oh, wow. Thanks.

Coming from the guy
who thought that AM radio

only played in the morning.

all: Oh!

- You're thinking
of someone else.

I know it means
"after midnight."

- Hi, everyone.
I'm Courtney Brixton.

I'm your sexual bias
training instructor.

How is it going?

- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.

Oh, do you need
some help with that, Captain?

I got it. It's a little high.

- I hope you're still here when
I need to wipe up a spill.

- Oh, God, I needed a laugh.

Oh, I hope it's okay that
I parked my truck out back.

I just could not find a spot.

I mean,
just the bed is so wide.

Okay.

Ready to get started, Captain?

- Um, yeah.

Let me, uh, get you set up
in the meeting room.

Right this way.
- Okay.

I'll just follow you.

- See you in there.
- Okay! See you in a bit.

- Tall, sneakers,
truck, and hair.

She hit him
with the knockout combo.

- Yeah.

I hope he can appreciate that

that's
the sexual harassment teacher.

- Oh, man.

- Wait, wait, wait, he wouldn't
make a move, would he?

- On his dream girl?
No.

We should keep an eye on him.
- No, yeah. For sure.

- Of course.
- Absolutely. Absolutely.

- I'm definitely going
to keep my...

- I'm sure you guys think
this is just gonna be

another boring
corporate presentation,

and I assure you,
it is gonna be exactly that.

But I will try
to make it short.

Hmm.
I prefer shag carpet.

Whew. All right.

I would normally be reading

about two hours
of stuff to you guys,

but what if we just
talk some shit

and get out of here
as quickly as possible?

- Cool.
- Does that sound good?

- Take your time.
- Yes, ma'am.

- I know you think
you're being played,

but don't call me "ma'am."

Calling me "ma'am,"

that's like putting an elevator
in an outhouse.

It don't belong.

- Did you just quote
"Road House"?

- I did.
Thank you for noticing.

I have this tic
where I just, like,

quote Patrick Swayze movies.

I'm crazy for Swayze, I know.

- No way-ze.
- Okay.

So has anyone ever heard of
a term called unconscious bias?

- Oh, I'm not sure.
Why don't you run it "bi-us"?

- Woof.

- Okay. Let's dive in.

She is perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

Blue hair with streaks
of purple--ooh. Tall...

- Yeah, congrats on kind of
keeping yourself under control.

- I'm not an idiot.

She's the sexual
bias instructor.

- Hey, sorry to interrupt.

It's just, is there
a lady's bathroom anywhere?

- Mm, not really,

but the closest thing's
down the hall, to the right.

- Cool. Thanks.

- Oh, hey, Courtney.
- Yes?

- We're about to have lunch.
Are you hungry?

- Oh, I couldn't.
Thank you, though.

- Hold on, hold on.
I'm cooking something special.

And I was thinking maybe
you could help us find

some more of our blind spots,
because we got some.

- Sure.

I don't have a ton of time,
but it's a deal.

You better be a good cook.

- The best.

- Okay.

- Boy, is you stuck on stupid?

We just got done
with that seminar.

- With all
your woman driver jokes,

I'm thinking maybe you need
to learn some more.

- Uh-uh, stop.
We see what you're doing.

- I'm not doing anything.

Although, it has occurred to me

that it's not harassment

if I get her to ask me out.

- Son of a bitch.

- You think you're gonna get

the sexual harassment
instructor to ask you out

after
the sexual harassment class?

- I'm already doing well
with stage one:

non-flirting flirting.

- Non-flirting flirting?

- It's master-level stuff.

- Yeah;
that's where I hit on her

without actually
hitting on her.

It's so imperceptible.

She doesn't even realize
it's already working.

- Like carbon monoxide.
- Exactly.

I gotta go cook lunch.
- Okay.

- It ain't gonna work!

That ain't gonna work.
She's a trained professional.

- I don't know, man.

I think Cap could pull it off.

- Put your money
where your mouth is.

- Wait, you guys,
don't you think

we should be putting a stop
to these Cap moves?

- 50 bucks says Cap gets her
to ask him out.

- Deal.
- Boom.

- Have you guys
learned nothing?

- What you mean?
- About what?

- All right.

Johnny,
get some measurements in here.

Carl, let's see what
the subfloor looks like, huh?

Let's move.
- Wow.

There's a different Andy, huh?

- Chief, did you look
at the book?

- The sample book?
Yeah, I got it right here.

I was thinking
about a medium pile.

- No, you don't want
a medium pile.

You want a low pile.
This is a high-traffic area.

What about color?

- I thought Raspberry Tart
looked pretty tasty.

- Too dark.

You want something
in the beige family,

like Tuscan Marvel
or the Sedona Tidewater.

- Oh, okay.
Tuscan. Marvel looks nice.

- Tuscan Marvel it is.
Good choice.

- Very similar to what I have.
- Tuscan Marvel.

Good choice.

- Okay, Tuscan Marvel.

- Johnny!
What's taking so long, man?

It's just a simple measurement.
It's 17, 3.

- Hah. 17, 3.

You just saw that?
- I can eyeball that.

- I bet you're way off.
- Johnny, bring it over.

- Oh.

Whoa, right on the money.
How'd you do that?

- It's what I do.
- Huh! Wow.

- Okay, well, I was thinking
about this brand right here.

- No, I wouldn't even wipe
my feet with that.

I'd go with this brand.

It's a dollar more per yard,
but it's well worth it.

- Okay, stop, stop, stop.

I know what
you're trying to do, Andy.

I don't need
the more expensive one.

- Ah, look at that beauty
of a family.

You and your four daughters.

- Well, that's my wife.
Of course you know that.

- Man, how old are they now?
Like, what, 20-ish?

- The younger ones
are teenagers.

- Teenagers, yeah.
- And Lucy is, you know, Lucy.

- Sure. Lucy is Lucy.
- Yeah.

- You probably only get
the best for your daughters.

- I do, yeah. Mm-hmm.

- You should get the best
for yourself.

I mean you are
the chief, right?

- Yeah.

- This brand
is so high quality,

you'll actually
be saving money.

- Saving money?
- Yeah.

- Okay, well...
- Okay! Let's do that.

And let's get some
of this stuff out of here.

Come on, chop, chop.
Let's go.

- Wow.
- Cioppino Penisi.

Il pesce piu fresco
per tutto Tacoma.

- You speak Italian?
- Eh.

Un pochino.
Mangiate, per favore.

- God, you guys get crab legs
for lunch?

I love crab legs.

Do you mind
if I eat with my hands, or...

- Yeah, of course.
- Oh, okay!

Because they're way better

when you're just
eating with your hands.

Look how soft.

Mmm! Oh, my God.

Splendido.

- Grazie, Courtney.
Mangiamo.

- Mmm!

- Yeah,
there's cracks all along here.

Do you see those?

- Look at those cracks
over there.

- So many cracks.
Cracks here, cracks there.

I mean, they're...
- Wow. Okay.

- The whole floor.
- I mean,

and then there's a bunch
of cracks over here, Chief.

- Cracks everywhere.
- Yeah.

This would usually cost you
so much more,

but I'm gonna absorb
the patchwork on my end.

Okay, Chief?

- Yeah, okay.
- Just for you.

Carl!
Let me see that.

Where did you get
this blade, huh?

The bottom of a cereal box?

Go. Get a new blade!

You're embarrassing me.
Blades are cheap!

Johnny.
Thank you so much.

Mmm!

Johnny, nice "cappuccins."

You want one of these, Chief?
- Nope. I'm good.

That's how we got here
in the first place.

- Man, nice one.

So funny, Chief.
You are so funny.

So we have you done for
the super-blend poly adhesive.

I also have you down
for that stain guard coating.

- Oh, I don't need that.
- Chief, it's only $50 more.

Plus I'm absorbing
all of the patchwork

and you're not getting
padding in here.

I wouldn't skimp
on the stain guard.

- Stop with the upselling,
Andy.

You think I don't get it?

I'm a savvy customer.

I'm not gonna pay
the extra costs.

- Wow! You did it.
You got me.

- Yeah.
- Boy, you are good.

- I've never seen
Salesman Andy before.

It's kinda weird.

- Well, they have a saying
in the carpet business,

"You show weakness,
you get walked on."

- Okay. All right.
Well, you know what?

I can see it a mile away.
So don't waste your time.

- I'm not gonna waste
any more of your time.

You just need to pick a scent
for the carpet deodorizer.

- Okay, I don't need
any carpet deodorizer.

- What about the smell
in here, Chief?

- What smell?
- Ah, no offense, Chief,

but it smells like breath
and hot dog water in here.

- Hot-dog water?
- No. Hot dog water.

Everybody's talking about it.
Trust me.

This is the way to stop
the whispering around here.

- Okay.

I think it smells fine in here.

It smells like me.

- Hey Captain, do you want
some help with that?

- No, no.
I love doing dishes.

It's something I'm good at.

- You're also good
at making lunch.

- Well, feeding people
makes me happy.

- Courtney, can I get you a cup
of coffee or something?

- Yeah, just black, though.

Are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everything's fine.

Just listening to the tune.
Vibing out.

Man, I feel this one
in my bones.

Yeah, you can't help but move
to this one.

- Oh, there he goes.
- He's a pretty good dancer.

- Oh, yeah?
- Hey! Yeah!

- Oh!
- Come on. Who's feeling it?

All right.
Come on up here.

You don't need a reason
to get on the dance floor.

Come on, Ike, you're a dancer.
- Yeah, yeah.

I mean...
- It'd be weird if I...

- No, it looks fun.
- Oh, there we go.

- Whoa.
- Come on. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. There we go.
- I love dancing, but I can't.

We're working.
- Yeah?

Courtney, you know,
I used to be a break-dancer.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Break-dancing was my thing.

- Really?
- Check it out.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh.

- Watch out.
Oh, it's going down there.

- Oh.
- It's coming back up.

- Whoo.
- Whoa, baby.

- Oh, hey what's that?
- Oh, that?

- Who put this piece
of cardboard here?

- Yeah, I must have left
it there by accident.

- That's so weird.

A rhyme

- On time

- Whoa!

- Tricky

- Oh, oh!
- Whoa!

- They don't call it
the break room for nothing.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Holy shit.

- Oh, my instructor is here.

Time for my test.
Wish me, luck guys.

- Good luck, Luce.
- Good luck!

- Whoo!
- That was awesome.

- Who wants to dance?
Come on, Granny.

- Come on, guys.
- Come on.

Yeah. All right!
Yeah!

- Wow, it looks
like a new office.

- Hah! That's what I said.
Oh my, gosh.

Chief, we're on the same page.

- Tuscan Marvel, right?
- Good choice.

Well, Chief,
it has been a pleasure

so I'm just gonna go ahead
and leave that with you.

Okay. Thank you so much.
- Great.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is this?

A joke?
- I'm sorry?

- You said
you were gonna hook me up.

- Oh, I did.
- This is not a "hook me up."

This is a "hook me down."
- I don't know what that means.

- You are gouging me
with these add-ons.

- Oh, come on, Chief,
you can just spread it around

the station budget, right?

- Spread what around?
- The money.

- What do think I am?
A mob boss?

- Chief,
it feels like a nice office.

This is where
a chief should hang out.

Smooth floors.
"Oh! I'm the Chief."

Think about that.
- I'm not paying for this.

- We'll see.

If you want the ultimate,

you've got to be willing
to pay the ultimate price.

It's not tragic

to die doing what you love.

- Fucking "Point Break."

- "Point Break"! You get it.
- "Point Break." Swayze.

It is the best movie.

- Of all time.

Well, it is a workday.

I should probably head out.

But thank you guys so much.
It was good to see you.

- Are you sure
you can't stay longer?

Maybe another cup
of coffee, black? Hmm?

- No, thanks.

I'm gonna grab my stuff
and I'll just see myself out.

- Oh, man.

That did not go the way
I thought it was gonna go.

- I was so subtle
and so smooth.

- No, you weren't.

Dude, you made crab legs
cioppino for a Tuesday lunch.

- I've done that before.
- No, you haven't.

- Guys...

Cupid's arrow strikes...

six, maybe seven times
in a man's life.

This was my ninth.

- That means something.

The woman of my dreams
just walked out that door

and I may never see her again.

- Mm, tragic.

Tragic.

- I order you
to lower this bill.

- You're not my carpet boss.

- What the hell
happened to you?

This is not the Andy I know.

- You're right.

You know, this is why I don't
do business with my friends.

This is not me.

It's just a character
that I play,

and I hate it.

I love being a firefighter

because I can be Andy Myawani,

not Special K,

the asshole
who gets everything done.

I don't want to be that guy.

In the carpet business...

This is
the only way to survive.

- Don't beat yourself up, man.

I know you gotta
pay the bills.

When I was your age,
I had all kinds of side jobs.

We called them paper routes.

I was a housepainter.

I sold wooden Bibles
door-to-door.

- Whoa.

- I drove the Zamboni
at the Tacoma Ice Pavilion.

- Oh, cool!

- Listen, Linda Price
hated that old carpet.

I bet we could get the city
to pick this up.

- Really?
- Yeah. Why not?

- I mean, it is a nice carpet.
- Tuscan Marvel.

- Yeah, you picked that!

- It'll last you
a long time, Chief.

Especially if you got
the fade resistance.

- What was that?

- If you got
the fade resistance--

you know,
to hold the color forever.

- Is that an add-on?
- No, it's not an add-on.

It's just 25 bucks.

A yard.
Man, thank you.

- I'm not paying
for this carpet.

- Cap, if Courtney leaving
bothers you so much,

do something about it.

- I don't know about that.

Might be best
not to poke the bear.

- Did you guys make a bet?
- Yes.

- No.
- Yes, we did.

- Not cool. Not cool.

- Hey, Eddie, could you
meet me out by my truck?

I just have a quick question.
Bye, guys.

- "All you gotta do is jump."

Fucking "Point Break."

both: "Point Break."

- Son of a bitch.
- Get her, Cap.

- What's up?
- Hey.

I just wanted to talk
to you in private real quick.

I'm sure you know
what I'm gonna say.

- I do.
You don't have to say anything.

- Okay.
- I feel the exact same way.

I'm into you too,

and I would love
to take you out to dinner

because today,

I had...

"the time of my life."

- That's a good...

Here.
I'll just give you that.

- Uh, what's this?

- It's the information for your
sexual bias training boot camp.

- What?
- Since I got here today,

you've objectified me.

You haven't
really learned anything.

You've been trying to
pick me up pretty much all day

with
your non-flirting flirting.

The cooking, the dancing,

and now you're gonna...

ask out your sexual bias
instructor?

I mean, it's a little crazy.

- I feel like I did an
excellent job

of not hitting on you.

- And for the next
four weekends,

you'll learn why that's wrong.

So I'll see you
at the boot camp.

Yeah?

- Wait. Courtney--
- Bye.

- Uncle, Eddie, I did it.
I did it.

I passed the engineer test.
- Cool.

- This means I can drive
the engine now,

why are you not more excited?

- No, I am excited, Lucy.

Congrats.
- Hey, guys! I passed.

- Yeah, never doubted
you for a second.

- That's great.
Cap, where's Courtney?

What happened?

- She just left,
but before she did,

she read me the Riot Act
for my behavior today.

And then she ordered me

to attend her
sexual harassment boot camp.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

- Why are you smiling?

Now you have
to go to boot camp.

- Because this means
I got another shot.

- Yes, you do, Cap.
Yes, you do.

- But seriously, can we please
celebrate the fact

that I passed
the driver's test?

- Yes! That's amazing!
- Yes!

- Come on.
- Oh, whoa, whoa.

Hey, what are you doing?
- What?

- Remember the seminar
and stuff?

Just one of these.
- Oh.

- Thank you.
- No, no.

- Coworker.

- That was a good job
that you did.

- Thanks, guys.

Got any of that cioppino left?
Get outta here.

- Wait a minute, you're
giving me a bad Yelp review?

- "The salesman, Andy Myawani,

"pulled the old
bait and switch.

"Beware these tactics,

"and definitely beware
the phrase,

'I'll hook you up.'"

- I thought we were gonna
handle this like gentlemen.

- That was before I submitted
the bill to City Hall.

Linda Price isn't gonna pay
for it and neither am I.

I'm disappointed in you, Andy.

- I'll tell you what, Chief.
We're basically at cost now.

So the best I can do
is knock off my commission.

- Now we're talking.

- You're cool with me
forfeiting my commission?

- I wasn't born yesterday.
You're not forfeiting anything.

- Damn, you're good.

Real good.

Let me see this.
Jeez.

You're the toughest customer
I've ever had.

I'll tell you that right now.

- I think I told you that
before we started.

All right, Chief, there you go.

There's your new price.

You should love that number,
then.

- Yes.

Andy...

pleasure doing business
with you.

- Are you sure you don't want
that stain guard coating?

You know,
with a carpet this light,

it might be
a smart idea, Chief.

- Stop, stop, stop.
Okay?

Go sell some other chump
the stain guard coating.

All right? Dismissed.

- Got it.

Hey, thanks, Johnny.

Ooh, so good, Johnny.

Are you sure
you don't want a coffee?

- How much per yard for that?

- Well, me and the guys
have to head out.

Vicky found out we were
redoing your office

and she hired me to recarpet
your whole house.

- She what?
- Yep.

Damn it!

Fuuuuu!