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1
00:00:16,490 --> 00:00:18,480
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2
00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:21,120
♪ The Lord has come ♪
3
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:26,530
♪ Let Earth receive her King. ♪
4
00:00:31,510 --> 00:00:33,910
I'd better get a Kate
Spade bag this year.
5
00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:36,970
And none of that shopping-mall,
chain-store shit.
6
00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:39,170
Settle for nothing less
than Prada, girls.
7
00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:42,050
Gwen! Don't be telling
my kids that.
8
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,350
I'm trying to teach
them some values.
9
00:00:44,390 --> 00:00:46,150
You're getting Kate Spade.
10
00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:50,420
Hey.
11
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,460
What does Gwenie want
from big ol' Santa?
12
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:56,330
Just a faithful husband.
13
00:00:57,330 --> 00:00:59,270
What's the second
thing she wants?
14
00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:01,830
You know what I'm
thinking, angel?
15
00:01:01,870 --> 00:01:03,860
- What, darling?
- L was thinking,
16
00:01:03,910 --> 00:01:06,640
"Dear God,"
17
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,040
don't let this bird taste like
a shoe like it did last year.
18
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,740
"Let it be tender and
moist just for once."
19
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:15,610
Yeah, moist. That
would be nice.
20
00:01:15,650 --> 00:01:17,850
It's called "foreplay."
21
00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:20,620
I don't wanna screw the
bird. I wanna eat it.
22
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:24,320
I swear to you she dehydrated
this turkey from Thanksgiving.
23
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,090
Come here, Scribbles.
24
00:01:26,130 --> 00:01:27,600
You try it.
25
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,820
Scribbles.
26
00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:35,130
One potato.
27
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,930
- Ooh, Virginia.
- Two potato.
28
00:01:37,970 --> 00:01:40,500
Oh, that's a good one.
29
00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:43,170
Three potato.
30
00:01:43,210 --> 00:01:45,110
Let's dig in.
31
00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:49,610
Listen, you half a fag!
32
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:51,310
I'll stick this
fork in your eye!
33
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:53,220
Why don't you beg Santa
for a pair of balls?
34
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,310
Beth, say grace.
35
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,520
Dear Lord,
36
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,000
thank you for the bountiful food
that you've provided for us,
37
00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:04,970
and that our loving family can
be together this Christmas.
38
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,590
Also, thank you for
not making us poor
39
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,500
or Samoan.
40
00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:12,230
Thank you for Maxim
Pharmaceuticals,
41
00:02:12,270 --> 00:02:13,570
the latest M-Class,
42
00:02:13,610 --> 00:02:17,510
and let those that are less
fortunate work harder.
43
00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:30,580
Agh! Whoa!
44
00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:33,190
Oh my God! My stocking!
45
00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:34,490
Is that...
46
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,360
Santa?
47
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:41,560
Yes, Virginia, there
is a Santa Claus.
48
00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:50,400
Whoa!
49
00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:52,170
Daddy!
50
00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:02,350
Who are you? What
are you doing?
51
00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:05,550
You want some?
52
00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:16,530
Help!
53
00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:19,870
No, Santa! No!
54
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,460
I've been good!
55
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:17,760
♪ - Christmas - The ♪
♪ snow's coming down ♪
56
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,260
♪ - Christmas - I'm ♪
♪ watching it fall ♪
57
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:25,030
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ Lots of people around ♪
58
00:04:25,070 --> 00:04:28,600
♪ - Christmas - Baby, ♪
♪ please come home ♪
59
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:32,510
♪ - Christmas - The ♪
♪ church bells in town ♪
60
00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:36,140
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ They're ringing a song ♪
61
00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:39,710
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ What a happy sound ♪
62
00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:44,020
♪ - Christmas - Baby, ♪
♪ please come home ♪
63
00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:47,520
♪ They're singing ♪
♪ "Deck the Halls" ♪
64
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,190
♪ But it's not like ♪
♪ Christmas at all ♪
65
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:54,760
♪ 'Cause I remember ♪
♪ when you were here ♪
66
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,530
♪ And all the fun ♪
♪ we had last year ♪
67
00:04:58,570 --> 00:05:01,770
♪ - Christmas - Many ♪
♪ lights on the tree ♪
68
00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:05,910
♪ - Christmas - And ♪
♪ I'm watching them shine ♪
69
00:05:05,950 --> 00:05:09,350
♪ - Christmas - You ♪
♪ should be here with me ♪
70
00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:13,380
♪ - Christmas - Baby, ♪
♪ please come home ♪
71
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,770
♪ They're singing ♪
♪ "Deck the Halls" ♪
72
00:05:31,810 --> 00:05:35,000
♪ But it's not like ♪
♪ Christmas at all ♪
73
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,380
♪ 'Cause I remember ♪
♪ when you were here ♪
74
00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:43,040
♪ And all the fun ♪
♪ we had last year ♪
75
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,580
♪ - Christmas - Pretty ♪
♪ lights on the tree ♪
76
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:50,350
♪ - Christmas - And ♪
♪ I'm watching them shine ♪
77
00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:53,920
♪ - Christmas - You ♪
♪ should be here with me ♪
78
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,560
♪ - Christmas - Baby, ♪
♪ please come home ♪
79
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:01,500
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ lf there was a way ♪
80
00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:05,060
♪ - Christmas - I'd ♪
♪ hold back these tears ♪
81
00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:08,800
♪ - Christmas - But ♪
♪ it's Christmas Day ♪
82
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:14,580
♪ - Christmas - ♪
♪ Please please please ♪
83
00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:18,140
♪ - Baby, please come ♪
♪ home - Christmas ♪
84
00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,420
♪ - Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ - Christmas ♪
85
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,490
♪ Oh... ♪
86
00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:33,160
What the hell is in
the Holiday Hoagie?
87
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,930
- Turkey, cranberry, stuffing and mayo.
- What? Slow down!
88
00:06:35,970 --> 00:06:39,200
And stop smacking on
that damn chewing gum!
89
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,610
Yeah, uh...
90
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,910
turkey, Raisinettes,
Cheerios, cranberries,
91
00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:46,570
gummy bears, Altoids...
92
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:49,050
Oh, you're being cute,
you little shit.
93
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:53,110
Just give me the roast beef
plain, none of that lean crap.
94
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:57,020
You're just as loony as
your crackpot grandfather.
95
00:06:57,060 --> 00:07:01,460
I hope you haven't inherited that old
codger Yuleson's Christmas spirit.
96
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,360
Tell that boob to put some
Christmas decorations up.
97
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,460
How're you doing there,
Mrs. Talbot? How are you?
98
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,700
That's a roast beef
sandwich. That's $4.75.
99
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:10,540
- That's with a senior discount?
- Yes, it is.
100
00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,400
What a hustle!
101
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,930
Would $4.50 make
you any happier?
102
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:18,140
$4.50.
103
00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:21,110
All right.
104
00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:24,210
Here you go.
105
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,580
And have a very happy holiday
there, Mrs. Talbot...
106
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:29,950
Don't use that political
language shit with me.
107
00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:32,390
It's Christmas. Wish
me merry Christmas.
108
00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:36,120
I'm sorry. Merry
Christmas, Mrs. Talbot.
109
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,220
Thank you, and go fuck yourself.
110
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:41,990
What a fuckin' whore!
111
00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:46,400
What a pleasant lady.
112
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,580
♪ Santa's comin' to town ♪
113
00:07:56,620 --> 00:08:01,490
♪ And bringin' the joy to ♪
♪ every girl and every boy... ♪
114
00:08:05,430 --> 00:08:07,990
♪ L love Christmas, ♪
♪ yes, I do... ♪
115
00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:19,370
Move, bitch!
116
00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:21,000
Get outta the way!
117
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,570
♪ Workin' on Santa's sleigh... ♪
118
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,750
Suck it!
119
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:44,000
Woo haa haa haa
haar haa haa haar
120
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,240
What you gonna do tonight, you having
Christmas dinner with your grandfather?
121
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:59,200
My grandfather isn't a big Christmas guy.
Besides I haven't even seen much of him lately.
122
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,039
How about you?
123
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:07,660
I don't know maybe I'll go over to the twins house for there
annual Look at all the designer presents we got fashion show.
124
00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:10,900
Unless you know of
anything better.
125
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,640
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!
126
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,410
I got you two a little something
to show my appreciation
127
00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:18,350
for how hard you two work here.
128
00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:21,250
- Thank you so very much, Mr. Green.
- This is for you, this is for you.
129
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,150
You're so very
welcome. Open it up.
130
00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:25,450
Open it, open it, open it!
131
00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:28,360
- Thank you so much for the snow globe.
- Ha Ha Ha.
132
00:09:28,430 --> 00:09:29,890
- That's okay.
- Wisconsin?
133
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:32,260
Yes, and Wisconsin's beautiful
rolling farmlands, see?
134
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:33,890
I know how much
of a kick you got
135
00:09:33,930 --> 00:09:36,020
out of the Delaware globe I
got you last year, so...
136
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:38,000
And what did you get?
137
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,500
A clock. Thank you.
138
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,570
It's not just a clock. This
is a Games lllustrated Clock.
139
00:09:47,610 --> 00:09:49,700
You can tell the time in
all the 25 time zones.
140
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,440
Look, in Mexico City,
141
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,420
you got Frankfurt,
you got New Delhi,
142
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:55,480
Hartford... a place
called Rik-a-vikia.
143
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,040
I don't know where that is, but
you can tell the time there.
144
00:09:58,090 --> 00:10:00,920
That's wonderful and great.
Thanks so much, Mr. Green.
145
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,620
Go ahead, get outta here. It's
Christmas Eve. Stop working. Go.
146
00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:07,090
- Here, I got it.
- Thank you.
147
00:10:07,130 --> 00:10:10,160
- Bye-bye.
- Hey Mac, is this yours?
148
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,530
Mark my words, Nicholas,
you will never get me.
149
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,660
Thank you, Mr. Green.
150
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:27,499
Do you want a lift home?
151
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,500
Thank you! No.
152
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:50,920
How about now?
153
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,920
No I'm cool.
154
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:57,240
Now
155
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,840
You've got it tuned
to the Great One!
156
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:03,680
99 FM... Hell's best
hip-hop station.!
157
00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:07,920
99 FM's Christmas Eve forecast calls
for cold, cold, cold temperatures,
158
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,680
so throw another Yule
log on the fire.
159
00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:12,140
Near freezing in Hell and pretty
much the same can be expected
160
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,560
for those of you planning on
rocking out with Hell's Bells...
161
00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:21,100
♪ One for the kids who ♪
♪ like to get toys ♪
162
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,730
♪ Two for the ones who ♪
♪ like to make noise ♪
163
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,940
♪ Three for Santa because ♪
♪ he rolls with elves ♪
164
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,810
♪ And if you're feeling my ♪
♪ flavor, just rock the bells! ♪
165
00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:32,980
You don't care too much
for Christmas, do you?
166
00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:36,320
- I've never had much reason to.
- Why?
167
00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:38,650
I don't know. It's
always disappointing.
168
00:11:38,690 --> 00:11:41,680
Like I'd want an Optimus
Prime or Castle Grayskull,
169
00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:44,960
and I'd always end up with a stupid
mini-bake oven or something.
170
00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:44,420
Grandpa.
171
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:47,360
Grandpa, are you home?
172
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,580
It's Christmas eve so that
can mean only one thing!
173
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,979
The granddaddy of all the
pre-Christmas balls.
174
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:57,299
Get ready for the horny Asian
housewives.com Christmas eve balls
175
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,300
We have an excellent mach
up for you this evening
176
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,139
The fighting insurance salesmen of
south-west North Dakota state University.
177
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:05,519
Versus the lowering
state golden shower.
178
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,139
Its been seven years Karl since the insurance
salesman have had a taste of the golden showers.
179
00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:11,560
And the key to that mach
up Bill and all the...
180
00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:19,810
Grandpa?
181
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:21,940
Grandpa, is that you?
182
00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:31,040
- Agh!
- Whoa!
183
00:14:31,090 --> 00:14:33,080
Doggone it, Nick!
184
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,820
That's the second box of
bulbs I've dropped tonight.
185
00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:37,850
What in the hell are you doing?
Why didn't you answer me?
186
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:41,260
Don't be throwing the word "hell"
around all willy nilly like that.
187
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,890
I live in Hell, for
Christ's sake.
188
00:14:42,930 --> 00:14:44,400
True.
189
00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:48,600
That's way you dare not use the
Lord's name so indiscriminately.
190
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,870
One of the lights in
the bunker went out.
191
00:14:52,910 --> 00:14:55,070
I flipped the switch. You
know, I couldn't remember
192
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:57,540
whether it was on
or off position.
193
00:14:57,580 --> 00:15:00,710
And so I had to turn the power off
just to change the light bulb.
194
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:02,380
Bunker? What are
you talking about?
195
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:06,610
Aw, are you kidding me?
196
00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:09,350
You're not on another one of your
wacko inventing binges, are you?
197
00:15:09,390 --> 00:15:12,360
Is this why I haven't seen you
for the last couple of days?
198
00:15:12,390 --> 00:15:14,550
Yeah, I've been busy.
199
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,640
Nicky come here come here come
here, you got to see my latest!
200
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,020
Here put this one on first.
201
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,520
Here you go and then this one.
202
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:36,980
Alright There you are then this goes
up and hoo, then you'll need these.
203
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,799
Chipmunks?
204
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,800
Oh I left it on 78
205
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,540
Robert Gulay
206
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:56,660
Can you put the
Chipmunks back on?
207
00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:01,980
What exactly an I wearing, I
mean why is this thing so heavy?
208
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,440
Well I was gonna
call it record man!
209
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:12,560
But then that seemed so generic, so I
took a page from you Mr Batfarmer.
210
00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:16,160
I'm gonna call it the back
wax pack. What do you think?
211
00:16:16,420 --> 00:16:20,000
That name sounds like a problem most
people don't want. I'd shelve it.
212
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:23,280
Maybe if it was more compact!
213
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,560
Hey, what's this?
214
00:16:24,740 --> 00:16:26,900
Uh, be careful there.
That's a nutcracker.
215
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:30,030
I can see that. Lt just seems
a little Christmassy for you.
216
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:33,370
Do you know that the chestnut can
explode if you don't puncture the skin
217
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:36,310
- Before it's heated?
- That's fascinating, Grandpa.
218
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,350
I told you to be careful!
219
00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:45,080
You could have put your eye out!
220
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,180
There appears to be a design flaw
that needs to be worked out.
221
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:51,060
File that next to brown-colored
toilet paper as a bad idea.
222
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,260
Now what about that bunker?
223
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:08,100
Watch your noodle there.
224
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:12,380
Um...
225
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,850
Grandpa, I-l...
226
00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:18,250
Any desire to explain?
227
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:21,220
I mean, sometimes I think I'm
the only person in this town
228
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:23,750
that doesn't believe you're
completely nuts and...
229
00:17:23,790 --> 00:17:26,190
uh, frankly,
230
00:17:26,230 --> 00:17:28,530
my belief is dwindling.
231
00:17:28,570 --> 00:17:31,090
Let them think
whatever they want to.
232
00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:34,040
This is about survival.
I know what they say.
233
00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:36,230
I've been hearing
it most of my life,
234
00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:39,710
but I'd rather be crazy and
alive than ignorant and dead.
235
00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:45,210
♪ No, Santa ♪
236
00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:47,720
♪ A big surprise for you... ♪
237
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:52,990
What up, Santa bitch?
238
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:55,620
How much Christmas cheer
you got in the pot?
239
00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:02,030
♪ Don't cry, baby, ♪
♪ Santa's back in town ♪
240
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,500
♪ Get the presents, ♪
♪ candy canes, too ♪
241
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:09,370
♪ Rudolph is here, ♪
♪ he's coming for you ♪
242
00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:15,070
♪ Don't cry, baby, don't cry ♪
243
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,840
♪ You were bad all year long ♪
244
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:29,300
♪ Now there's nothin'... ♪
♪ nothin' you can do ♪
245
00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:30,520
Grandpa!
246
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,360
Why does Christmas always
bring out the worst in you?
247
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,199
I mean there are allot of people that actually
look forward to it, year in tear out.
248
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:43,079
I mean some people even calibrate it. And some
families hold a gift ceremony and exchange presents.
249
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,739
Is that what all this wining
like a little ninny is about!
250
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:52,200
OK OK here here here take this.
251
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:57,719
The only worthwhile gift
is a practical one.
252
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,299
I..I can't remember the last
time you gave me a gift.
253
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,579
What are you talking about I gave you
a light brake for your Birthday.
254
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:05,159
Ye that was like 12 years ago.
255
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:09,959
Exactly and when was the last
time you used it... Haa Ha
256
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,960
I just I don't understand
257
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,300
What do you have
against Christmas?
258
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,480
I'm afraid I don't
know what you mean
259
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,460
Grandpa, I used to think it was because
you were grumpy and a little senile,
260
00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:22,550
but Mrs. Talbot said you've
always hated Christmas.
261
00:19:22,590 --> 00:19:24,420
The heck with that old hag!
262
00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:26,990
I don't see any reason
to commercialize Santa.
263
00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:30,760
Besides, he hasn't always been that
loveable poster boy for Coca-Cola.
264
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,460
Oops.
265
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,470
Sorry.
266
00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,030
Why? What for?
267
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,510
Oh God!
268
00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:42,840
- You didn't.
- L said I was sorry.
269
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,710
Grandpa, I want the
truth about Christmas.
270
00:19:48,750 --> 00:19:52,050
And no, I'm not asking you to tell
me that Santa Claus isn't real.
271
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:54,220
I'm a little too old
for that discussion.
272
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:57,590
I'd just be a little careful of
what I ask Santa for this year.
273
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,430
What, are we Jewish
or something?
274
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,830
Okay.
275
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:04,890
Come on, follow me.
276
00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:14,470
You're full of
surprises tonight.
277
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,810
Oh!
278
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,390
For a lifetime of service?
279
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:35,020
Grandpa, I had no idea you
were in the military.
280
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:36,690
I wasn't.
281
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:47,040
What the hell's that?
The Necronomicon?
282
00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:50,300
If it's the truth you want,
283
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:53,810
then it's the scary truth
you're gonna have. Sit down.
284
00:20:57,860 --> 00:21:00,790
This is the Book of Claus.
285
00:21:00,830 --> 00:21:05,420
Been in the possession of our
family for countless generations.
286
00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:07,090
What does it say?
287
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,240
English, Gramp.
288
00:21:16,870 --> 00:21:19,000
"In the history of man..."
289
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,170
I don't know why you're afraid
to use your Norse, Nicky.
290
00:21:22,210 --> 00:21:25,880
If you don't practice it, you'll never
be able to speak it or read it.
291
00:21:27,990 --> 00:21:32,850
"In the history of man, there have
been only two immaculate conceptions,"
292
00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:37,090
the first being God and the Virgin Mary
and the birth of their son, Jesus.
293
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:40,590
The second was Satan
with the Virgin Ericka
294
00:21:40,630 --> 00:21:42,790
and the birth of
their son, Santa.
295
00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:44,800
On the anniversary of his birth,
296
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:49,300
there were always a great number
of unexplained deaths and murders.
297
00:21:49,340 --> 00:21:53,140
This day became known
as the Dag of Mord
298
00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:55,940
or the Day of Slayings.
299
00:21:55,980 --> 00:22:00,280
Eventually, Christianity spread
and when the Dag of Mord arrived,
300
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:05,650
the townspeople would have a
Mass of Christ or a Christ-Mass,
301
00:22:05,690 --> 00:22:10,220
where they would pray to
their Lord for protection.
302
00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:12,630
In the beginning of
the 11th century,
303
00:22:12,660 --> 00:22:16,830
"one of God's angels"
304
00:22:20,870 --> 00:22:24,140
Carolers... l don't want
them singing around here.
305
00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:41,920
Mary. Nicky, your friend, Mary.
306
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,530
Come in, come in,
come in, my dear.
307
00:22:47,570 --> 00:22:48,790
Hi.
308
00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:52,600
I hope you like wolverine.
309
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:53,830
My dad shot it this morning,
310
00:22:53,870 --> 00:22:56,030
you know, with his
Ammo for Animals club.
311
00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:58,600
It's so fresh, you can
almost smell its breath.
312
00:22:59,980 --> 00:23:02,570
Well, thank you.
313
00:23:02,610 --> 00:23:05,140
I didn't realize I
hadn't eaten a thing
314
00:23:05,180 --> 00:23:07,780
until just now.
315
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:10,410
I don't believe I've ever
had wolverine before.
316
00:23:11,990 --> 00:23:15,360
Oh, well it looks delicious.
317
00:23:15,390 --> 00:23:17,790
I just hope it's
not wicked cold.
318
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,430
What are you doing here?
319
00:23:24,470 --> 00:23:26,730
Just trying to spread
some holiday cheer.
320
00:23:27,870 --> 00:23:30,600
- What's this?
- How about you just open it?
321
00:23:36,450 --> 00:23:38,440
You got me a gun?
322
00:23:41,390 --> 00:23:44,250
I don't mean to sound ungrateful,
but what, are you fucking retarded?
323
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:46,480
No, you jack-off.
324
00:23:50,290 --> 00:23:52,420
It's more than meets the eye.
325
00:23:54,270 --> 00:23:57,390
You said you always wanted one.
326
00:23:59,370 --> 00:24:01,570
I'm as happy as a
Make-a-Wish kid.
327
00:24:02,100 --> 00:24:04,619
Thanks where did you find it?
328
00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:06,619
Ah it was in our
basement collecting dust
329
00:24:06,620 --> 00:24:11,720
You know my Dad, Mr NRA couldn't wait to replace
the crayons in our little hands with guns
330
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:17,240
And when my brother Shaun asked Santa for a Western
Bendall practaly suced the life out of him.
331
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:22,180
I still don't know how they're so shacked when he came
out, I mean hello he works in the fragrance department.
332
00:24:23,260 --> 00:24:24,580
Anyway thanks.
333
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,700
So err what you up to tonight?
334
00:24:27,740 --> 00:24:29,270
There are some people
who don't believe
335
00:24:29,310 --> 00:24:31,440
in the spirit of Christmas,
oh, no they don't.
336
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:35,350
There are some people who don't believe
Christmas should exist at all,
337
00:24:35,380 --> 00:24:38,110
that it's become too
commercial, yes, they do.
338
00:24:38,150 --> 00:24:40,520
There are some people
who don't believe
339
00:24:40,550 --> 00:24:43,890
in the spirit of Christmas
giving, no, no they don't.
340
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,550
And there are even some people
341
00:24:45,590 --> 00:24:48,460
who think that charity
342
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,550
is for the lazy.
343
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,570
Oh, my friends, charity
is not for the lazy.
344
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,300
Charity is for the needy.
345
00:24:55,340 --> 00:24:58,130
Dig deep into your hearts
and deep into your pockets.
346
00:24:58,170 --> 00:25:00,300
Give them your money and
don't give them coins.
347
00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:01,930
I see a lot of coins
in that plate.
348
00:25:01,980 --> 00:25:04,380
Give them bills. Give
the needy bills.
349
00:25:04,410 --> 00:25:07,810
Show them that you have the
true spirit of Christmas
350
00:25:07,850 --> 00:25:10,910
in your hearts, and that
you're ready to show it.
351
00:25:11,950 --> 00:25:13,920
Let us pray.
352
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,490
It depends on how
much I get done.
353
00:25:19,530 --> 00:25:22,050
I'm still at work, okay?
Yeah, hold on, hold on.
354
00:25:25,470 --> 00:25:27,990
Yeah. Oh, no, no, of course I
know what day it is tomorrow.
355
00:25:28,030 --> 00:25:30,130
Yes. Well, choir
ran a little late.
356
00:25:30,170 --> 00:25:32,040
Okay, fine. Love
you, honey. Bye.
357
00:25:32,070 --> 00:25:33,900
So, how's it tonight, Tim.
358
00:25:33,940 --> 00:25:36,680
You'll get plenty of attention
tonight. Really dead.
359
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,000
Christmas Eve.
360
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,559
Well, a little something
for your stocking.
361
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,650
You weren't even here, Pastor.
362
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,780
Oh yeah, baby, yeah!
363
00:25:46,820 --> 00:25:48,350
- Hey.
- Nice tits.
364
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,490
Whoa.
365
00:25:57,830 --> 00:26:02,060
♪ I wanna see that ♪
♪ man, Santa Claus ♪
366
00:26:07,340 --> 00:26:09,710
♪ L said it's Christmas time ♪
367
00:26:12,950 --> 00:26:16,750
♪ L wanna see that ♪
♪ man, Santa Claus... ♪
368
00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:22,590
Whoa!
369
00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:25,250
Where do you think
you're going, fat boy?
370
00:26:25,290 --> 00:26:27,660
I thought I'd stuff
some stockings.
371
00:26:27,690 --> 00:26:28,820
I don't think so.
372
00:26:43,010 --> 00:26:45,000
♪ To Pussy Town ♪
373
00:26:47,550 --> 00:26:50,210
♪ Slide down slow ♪
374
00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:53,200
♪ Beneath your belly I go... ♪
375
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,290
Look what just slid down the
chimney. Merry Christmas.
376
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,260
So anyway, I was talking about
the gift that keeps on giving.
377
00:26:59,290 --> 00:27:01,060
That's what Christmas
is all about.
378
00:27:01,090 --> 00:27:03,190
♪ To Pussy Town... ♪
379
00:27:08,070 --> 00:27:11,870
Ho, ho, hos.
380
00:27:23,150 --> 00:27:26,520
♪ Santa Claus got them ♪
♪ loaded on his sleigh ♪
381
00:27:26,550 --> 00:27:29,920
♪ When he's out for the night ♪
♪ don't get in his way ♪
382
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:34,480
♪ Don't even try ♪
♪ to shut him down ♪
383
00:27:34,530 --> 00:27:37,960
♪ He's on his way ♪
♪ to Lovin' Town ♪
384
00:27:51,740 --> 00:27:54,910
♪ Checking out the ♪
♪ ladies, head and toes ♪
385
00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:59,650
♪ Looking to find ♪
♪ every girl and boy ♪
386
00:27:59,690 --> 00:28:01,810
♪ So where's he hanging out ♪
387
00:28:01,860 --> 00:28:03,720
Time to go.
388
00:28:05,790 --> 00:28:09,250
♪ Santa Claus, Santa Claus ♪
389
00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:13,390
♪ Santa Claus, yeah, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
390
00:28:13,430 --> 00:28:17,340
♪ Santa Claus, Santa Claus ♪
391
00:28:17,370 --> 00:28:21,430
♪ Santa Claus, yeah, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
392
00:28:33,090 --> 00:28:36,420
♪ Santa Claus, Santa Claus ♪
393
00:28:36,460 --> 00:28:40,920
♪ Santa Claus, yeah, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
394
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,230
You guys, get back.
395
00:29:04,650 --> 00:29:06,140
Naughty.
396
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,620
We're having quite a night here
at the 43rd annual Christmas Eve
397
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:49,460
Smash 'Em and Crash 'Em Derby.
398
00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:51,960
Now that was the number
five car going out there.
399
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,760
That's Jacoby. He's done
for the night, I think.
400
00:29:56,040 --> 00:30:00,730
Well, if I don't get to bed
and get my beauty sleep,
401
00:30:00,770 --> 00:30:03,440
I'll probably end up
looking like one of you.
402
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,880
- Good night, Grandpa.
- Merry Christmas.
403
00:30:07,910 --> 00:30:11,650
Now, there's a big hit right there.
Jody Boyd has backed right into...
404
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,680
I'm sorry. L forgot.
405
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:14,950
It's fine.
406
00:30:16,420 --> 00:30:18,010
You think he's
bananas, don't you?
407
00:30:18,060 --> 00:30:21,290
No no, not bananas.
408
00:30:21,330 --> 00:30:23,760
A little odd, but...
409
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,590
not bananas.
410
00:30:25,630 --> 00:30:27,690
A little odd?
411
00:30:27,730 --> 00:30:29,700
You wanna talk about
a little odd?
412
00:30:32,570 --> 00:30:34,630
Odd is being a member of the
Rifle of the Month Club.
413
00:30:34,670 --> 00:30:36,970
Odd is when all the available wall
space in your house is covered
414
00:30:37,010 --> 00:30:39,710
with the head of an
endangered or extinct animal.
415
00:30:39,750 --> 00:30:41,210
Odd is someone's father I know.
416
00:30:42,650 --> 00:30:44,310
I'm sorry, Nicholas.
417
00:30:44,350 --> 00:30:46,410
I'm sorry I even came
over here tonight.
418
00:30:46,450 --> 00:30:48,650
Just backed right into him, oh!
419
00:30:52,690 --> 00:30:55,320
Yeah, you got my number.
420
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,960
Call me when you're ready for
a more mature relationship.
421
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,140
Merry Christmas.
422
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,890
"The townspeople would
have a Mass of Christ,"
423
00:32:08,940 --> 00:32:11,700
or a Christ Mass,
424
00:32:11,740 --> 00:32:13,640
"where they would pray
to their Lord..."
425
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:16,470
God, Grandpa.
426
00:32:23,250 --> 00:32:26,240
Lord save us...
427
00:32:26,290 --> 00:32:29,220
"Hearing their call,"
428
00:32:29,260 --> 00:32:32,420
God sent down one of his angel
generals from the heavens.
429
00:32:33,430 --> 00:32:35,920
The angel took the
form of an old man.
430
00:32:38,530 --> 00:32:42,020
He encountered the young, ill-tempered
Santa not far from his home.
431
00:32:42,070 --> 00:32:44,660
Santa was ice fishing with
the ornery little people,
432
00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:46,760
the elves, on a frozen lake.
433
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,440
Help, please Santa, help.
Help, I don't wanna...
434
00:32:54,980 --> 00:32:57,470
Knowing the son of Satan
was a gambling sort,
435
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,540
the angel challenged
him to a contest.
436
00:32:59,590 --> 00:33:01,580
The contest was a simple one:
437
00:33:01,620 --> 00:33:03,710
Who could slide a
rock across the lake
438
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,780
and land it closest to
the ice fishing hole
439
00:33:05,830 --> 00:33:07,380
without the rock falling in.
440
00:33:07,430 --> 00:33:10,790
If Santa won the contest, he would
deliver the confident old man
441
00:33:10,830 --> 00:33:13,700
to his father for an eternity
of pain and suffering.
442
00:33:13,730 --> 00:33:15,790
If the old man won the contest,
443
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,500
Santa would not
only have to cease
444
00:33:17,540 --> 00:33:20,230
the Day of Slayings for
the next 1.000 years,
445
00:33:20,270 --> 00:33:23,730
but would also have to turn the
Dag of Mord, Day of Slayings,
446
00:33:23,780 --> 00:33:27,230
into a Dag of Glee, Day of Joy.
447
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,010
Santa thought this was as close
to a sure wager as could be.
448
00:33:30,050 --> 00:33:32,040
There was no way a mere
mortal was gonna be able
449
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:33,750
to defeat him at anything.
450
00:33:34,850 --> 00:33:37,850
Santa was so sure of himself
that he went first.
451
00:33:42,500 --> 00:33:44,760
Woo hoo! Yay, Santa. Go!
452
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,360
His rock landed as close
as it could possibly be
453
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,870
to the hole without going in it.
454
00:33:49,900 --> 00:33:52,430
Next was the old man's turn.
455
00:33:52,470 --> 00:33:54,170
- The old man's rock...
- No, no, no!
456
00:33:54,210 --> 00:33:55,870
Skidded slowly along.
457
00:33:55,910 --> 00:33:57,210
Oh no!
458
00:34:00,750 --> 00:34:03,610
And it came to rest
touching Santa's rock
459
00:34:03,650 --> 00:34:07,420
with just enough momentum to push
Santa's stone over into the hole.
460
00:34:07,450 --> 00:34:09,610
"The old man had won."
461
00:34:25,670 --> 00:34:29,110
Shit. That was exactly
1.000 years ago.
462
00:34:29,140 --> 00:34:31,770
The bet's over.
463
00:34:33,980 --> 00:34:35,570
Hooyaa!
464
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,710
Ho, ho, ho.
465
00:35:19,460 --> 00:35:21,260
He's nuts.
466
00:35:28,970 --> 00:35:30,700
♪ Hallelujah ♪
467
00:35:30,740 --> 00:35:33,760
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
468
00:35:33,810 --> 00:35:37,370
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
469
00:35:37,410 --> 00:35:39,340
♪ Hallelujah ♪
470
00:35:39,380 --> 00:35:42,540
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪
471
00:35:42,580 --> 00:35:43,580
♪ Hallelujah. ♪
472
00:35:50,090 --> 00:35:53,490
Angels, I think Santa has
left you some surprises.
473
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,160
I can't wait to see
the shit we got.
474
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,190
♪ Can we open our motherfucking ♪
♪ presents now ♪
475
00:36:00,230 --> 00:36:02,030
- Of course.
- Go ahead, kids.
476
00:36:02,070 --> 00:36:04,160
Let's see what Santa got you.
477
00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:13,910
Fuck.
478
00:36:13,950 --> 00:36:15,940
And finally, a moment of silence
479
00:36:15,980 --> 00:36:19,710
for the victims of that tragic
fire that took place last night
480
00:36:19,750 --> 00:36:24,280
at the community eye
sore, Gold Diggers.
481
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:26,480
The house of heathens.
482
00:36:26,530 --> 00:36:30,020
While these people are
undeniably moral sinners,
483
00:36:30,060 --> 00:36:35,020
they are nonetheless members
of this community...
484
00:36:36,940 --> 00:36:40,060
and therefore deserve
our condolences.
485
00:36:40,110 --> 00:36:42,770
So pray with me, if you
will, for the salvation
486
00:36:42,810 --> 00:36:45,330
of Crystal Candy...
487
00:36:46,410 --> 00:36:48,110
Sierra Rains...
488
00:36:50,550 --> 00:36:52,610
Dixie Wrecked,
489
00:36:52,650 --> 00:36:55,280
Tess Tickler...
490
00:36:58,460 --> 00:37:00,020
We're closed.
491
00:37:01,890 --> 00:37:04,560
Sorry, Santa. We're closed.
492
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,120
It's Christmas. You should
know that better than anybody.
493
00:37:07,170 --> 00:37:09,900
What's the matter with you?
494
00:37:09,940 --> 00:37:13,100
You wanna eat? Thai Chung
across the street.
495
00:37:13,140 --> 00:37:16,230
A very nice brunch buffet.
496
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:17,800
Schmuck.
497
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,620
You've come to the
wrong deli, fatso.
498
00:37:32,660 --> 00:37:35,060
Here's some stocking stuffers,
499
00:37:35,090 --> 00:37:36,760
you just wrecked the store.
500
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,490
Piece of shit!
501
00:37:41,970 --> 00:37:43,400
Oy.
502
00:38:52,300 --> 00:38:54,030
Hi, Nicholas.
503
00:38:58,980 --> 00:39:00,440
Hey.
504
00:39:05,620 --> 00:39:07,020
What's up?
505
00:39:09,420 --> 00:39:10,890
Do you have any gum?
506
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,790
We're all out. The driver that was
supposed to make the delivery
507
00:39:13,830 --> 00:39:17,420
got his butt fried on a stripper
pole over at Gold Diggers.
508
00:39:17,460 --> 00:39:19,290
Heard it on the police scanner.
509
00:39:20,730 --> 00:39:22,670
Yikes, that's below average.
510
00:39:22,700 --> 00:39:24,570
This is all we got left.
511
00:39:26,910 --> 00:39:28,740
Hmm, I've never heard
of Smokin' Gum.
512
00:39:28,770 --> 00:39:31,900
What the hell, sounds hot.
513
00:39:31,940 --> 00:39:33,430
Cool. It's $2.39.
514
00:39:35,910 --> 00:39:37,750
Out of a five?
515
00:39:39,950 --> 00:39:42,350
You know, for such a small town,
516
00:39:42,390 --> 00:39:43,980
I've never seen you before.
517
00:39:44,020 --> 00:39:45,820
Just moved here, homeboy.
518
00:39:45,860 --> 00:39:47,760
Too much damn violence
in the 'hood.
519
00:39:47,790 --> 00:39:51,160
♪ Car two, when you have a chance, ♪
♪ can you go to 313 Main ♪
520
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,860
There's been a report
of some vandalism.
521
00:39:52,900 --> 00:39:54,730
- Oh, you betcha.
- That's Heaven Scent.
522
00:39:54,770 --> 00:39:56,330
Hey.
523
00:39:58,540 --> 00:40:00,030
Merry Christmas.
524
00:40:29,540 --> 00:40:32,060
Nicholas.
525
00:40:32,100 --> 00:40:34,440
There is a Santa Claus.
526
00:40:34,470 --> 00:40:37,270
I thought you people didn't
even believe in him.
527
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,440
You...
528
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,780
No, no.
529
00:40:42,820 --> 00:40:45,180
No.
530
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:48,160
All right, hold it right there.
531
00:40:48,190 --> 00:40:50,350
- All right, what are your names?
- Rabinowitz.
532
00:40:50,390 --> 00:40:52,820
♪ Rabinowitz Rabin... ♪
533
00:40:52,860 --> 00:40:54,950
♪ - All right, what about ♪
♪ you - Shlomo Lipschitz. ♪
534
00:40:54,990 --> 00:40:57,260
Shlomo? Like the
replay or what?
535
00:40:57,300 --> 00:40:59,060
What in the hell
do we have here?
536
00:41:02,770 --> 00:41:04,330
Oh.
537
00:41:04,370 --> 00:41:08,030
Looks like someone punched out
Mr. Green's festival of lights.
538
00:41:09,540 --> 00:41:12,170
Hey, Shlomo there says he
saw someone in a Santa suit
539
00:41:12,210 --> 00:41:14,540
- outside the store.
- A Santa suit?
540
00:41:14,580 --> 00:41:16,740
♪ - Ls that what he said Are you sure? ♪
♪ - Okay. ♪
541
00:41:16,780 --> 00:41:18,940
Something just
isn't kosher here.
542
00:41:18,980 --> 00:41:22,220
We're taking you down to the
station for a little questioning.
543
00:41:22,250 --> 00:41:25,880
Potts, grab that Amish
group outside, too.
544
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:27,120
Come on, kid.
545
00:41:29,730 --> 00:41:31,820
All right, watch your
head there, Yitzkak.
546
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,970
- Hello, is Mary there?
- Yeah, hold on.
547
00:41:41,010 --> 00:41:42,270
♪ - Hello - Mac. ♪
548
00:41:42,310 --> 00:41:44,640
- Hey, did you hear about Heaven Scent?
- L know, I was there.
549
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,800
- What? Where are you now?
- I'm at the police station.
550
00:41:46,850 --> 00:41:48,810
I've gotta talk to you.
Can you come pick me up?
551
00:41:48,850 --> 00:41:51,080
- Yeah, I'll be right there.
- Okay, thanks.
552
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,300
Yuleson. Nicholas Yuleson?
553
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,840
Captain Caulk will see you now.
554
00:42:00,780 --> 00:42:02,599
Do you work for Cock or Bush?
555
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:04,600
Never worked for Bush only Cock.
556
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:06,599
So you like Cock hu
557
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:07,699
Cock's terrific.
558
00:42:07,700 --> 00:42:09,399
So your not a fan of Bush
559
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,820
I wouldn't say I don't like
Bush I just prefer Cock.
560
00:42:13,380 --> 00:42:15,839
Cock can be a real pain
in your ass though right.
561
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:16,959
Ye sometimes.
562
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:19,259
Nick send the Yulson kid in.
563
00:42:19,260 --> 00:42:21,260
Weenus...
564
00:42:21,940 --> 00:42:23,260
I heard that!
565
00:42:33,420 --> 00:42:36,050
Don you now your gay apparel.
566
00:42:42,690 --> 00:42:45,930
We got an eye-witness account
that a man dressed as Santa Claus
567
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:49,130
was seen leaving the store about the
same time you said you arrived.
568
00:42:51,070 --> 00:42:55,010
Captain, this might be something
that predates all of us.
569
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:57,010
Santa Claus is not a
myth or a legend.
570
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,700
He's real, only he's not bearing
gifts and presents anymore.
571
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,720
Son, are you saying Santa
572
00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:08,190
is offing everyone who's
naughty and nice?
573
00:43:08,220 --> 00:43:10,520
That's exactly what I'm
saying, Captain. Look...
574
00:43:12,860 --> 00:43:16,290
- Here.
- Gee, Nicholas, that's a swell clock,
575
00:43:16,330 --> 00:43:20,130
but why should I give a damn what
time is is in "Green-witch?"
576
00:43:20,170 --> 00:43:23,860
I figure that we have until about 7
p.m. That'd be midnight at the Pole.
577
00:43:23,900 --> 00:43:27,000
The North Pole's time zone is the
same as the Greenwich Mean Time.
578
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:28,840
7:00 is when all the
madness should end.
579
00:43:28,870 --> 00:43:30,740
Christmas would be
officially over for Santa.
580
00:43:30,780 --> 00:43:32,000
Maybe.
581
00:43:33,410 --> 00:43:35,710
Well, thanks for the
lesson there, sport,
582
00:43:35,750 --> 00:43:37,810
but I already know
how to tell time.
583
00:43:37,850 --> 00:43:40,320
Now, I don't wanna hear
any more about Santa.
584
00:43:40,350 --> 00:43:42,550
Captain, my
grandfather thinks...
585
00:43:42,590 --> 00:43:45,450
Oh, the grandfather! That's
all I needed to hear.
586
00:43:45,490 --> 00:43:47,890
- Please, just listen!
- You're as big a nut as he is.
587
00:43:48,030 --> 00:43:51,120
Thank you for completely
wasting my fucking time!
588
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,830
I know it sounds crazy, but
you have to believe me.
589
00:43:53,870 --> 00:43:56,560
Leave now, and I won't
have you committed
590
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,470
- to the farm at Northville.
- Just wait, all right?
591
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:01,970
Fine! You've been warned.
592
00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:06,230
Looks like the killings form...
593
00:44:07,980 --> 00:44:10,500
form the shape of
a Christmas tree.
594
00:44:10,550 --> 00:44:13,040
Maybe his next killing
595
00:44:13,090 --> 00:44:15,880
will be right here.
596
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,410
You know, like the
star on the tree.
597
00:44:18,460 --> 00:44:21,220
Yeah, the Christmas tree killer.
598
00:44:21,260 --> 00:44:23,250
I don't know. No,
no, looks like more
599
00:44:23,300 --> 00:44:25,290
like an irregular
polygon, you know.
600
00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:27,730
It's a geometrical
enclosed shape.
601
00:44:27,770 --> 00:44:29,760
You see, it's a closed figure
602
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,460
made up of adjoining
line segments.
603
00:44:35,770 --> 00:44:39,400
Mac, there's some
crazy shit going on,
604
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,570
and Mr. Green's death
is just the beginning.
605
00:44:41,610 --> 00:44:43,640
- What do you mean?
- We have to get to my house
606
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,010
and find my grandpa.
607
00:44:47,690 --> 00:44:49,380
Come in!
608
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,550
This better be good.
609
00:44:53,860 --> 00:44:55,660
- Ho ho ho!
- Oh no!
610
00:45:05,140 --> 00:45:07,870
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
611
00:45:07,910 --> 00:45:10,500
♪ Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na ♪
612
00:45:10,540 --> 00:45:13,740
♪ Troll the ancient ♪
♪ Yuletide carol ♪
613
00:45:13,780 --> 00:45:16,410
♪ Na na na-na-na-na ♪
614
00:45:18,350 --> 00:45:22,080
Because of everything that's happening
and the Book of Claus, I no longer think
615
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:25,520
that my grandpa's crazy. He might be
the only sane person in this town.
616
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:28,360
According to this,
everything should be over
617
00:45:28,390 --> 00:45:30,620
in a little more
than... four hours.
618
00:45:33,870 --> 00:45:36,730
♪ What is it with you and Caulk ♪
619
00:45:47,780 --> 00:45:50,110
How ridiculous! He sucks.
620
00:45:50,150 --> 00:45:52,140
Caulk?
621
00:45:53,790 --> 00:45:55,840
That's not Captain Caulk.
622
00:45:57,140 --> 00:45:58,800
Its Santa!
623
00:45:59,260 --> 00:46:01,250
We gotta get out of
here now! Floor it!
624
00:46:05,930 --> 00:46:08,260
Okay, under the seat!
Get my father's gun!
625
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,630
He's gone!
626
00:46:14,670 --> 00:46:17,140
Oh my God!
627
00:46:17,180 --> 00:46:20,110
♪ - Bullets! There's no bullets! ♪
♪ - Where is he Where is he? ♪
628
00:46:22,750 --> 00:46:25,410
- What the hell are you doing?!
- Trying to make it harder.
629
00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:27,210
Yeah? For him or me?
630
00:46:27,250 --> 00:46:29,620
- Now what?
- Here.
631
00:46:29,650 --> 00:46:31,990
- Unlock the barrel.
- Huh?
632
00:46:32,020 --> 00:46:34,580
Just break it open!
633
00:46:38,100 --> 00:46:41,090
Put the shell into the breech.
634
00:46:41,130 --> 00:46:42,790
Put the bullet in the hole!
635
00:46:46,140 --> 00:46:47,470
- "Top Gun"!
- What?
636
00:46:47,510 --> 00:46:50,200
Slam on the breaks and
let him fly right by.
637
00:46:51,210 --> 00:46:54,080
Now step on it!
638
00:46:54,110 --> 00:46:56,100
Damn it!
639
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,590
Here, hold this.
640
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:27,910
Let's go!
641
00:47:27,950 --> 00:47:30,310
Come on, hurry up.
642
00:47:32,620 --> 00:47:34,500
Grandpa! Grandpa!
643
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,920
Mr. Yuleson! Mr. Yuleson!
644
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,620
Grandpa! Basement,
he's in the basement.
645
00:47:44,300 --> 00:47:46,460
The Day of Slayings. You
were right, Grandpa.
646
00:47:46,500 --> 00:47:50,490
- I'm so sorry I doubted you.
- Were the two of you followed here?
647
00:47:51,500 --> 00:47:53,940
Kids, did Santa Claus
follow you here?
648
00:47:53,970 --> 00:47:56,460
He tried to pull us over
649
00:47:56,510 --> 00:47:58,910
and-and Nicholas shot him!
650
00:48:00,180 --> 00:48:02,170
You shot Santa?!
651
00:48:02,210 --> 00:48:05,240
- What is this place?
- How much time to we have, Grandpa?
652
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:09,050
Uh, it'll be
midnight at the Pole
653
00:48:09,090 --> 00:48:11,250
in three hours and
eight minutes.
654
00:48:11,290 --> 00:48:14,850
If Santa followed you here,
we're all in great danger.
655
00:48:14,890 --> 00:48:18,330
I've built this as a
shelter, not a fortress.
656
00:48:22,070 --> 00:48:23,830
What are those
people doing here?
657
00:48:23,870 --> 00:48:26,100
- Who carols?
- Especially during the day.
658
00:48:26,140 --> 00:48:28,540
- I'm gonna go warn them.
- Mary, wait. Nicky...
659
00:48:28,570 --> 00:48:30,870
I'll go get her.
660
00:48:30,910 --> 00:48:34,940
♪ Silent night ♪
661
00:48:34,980 --> 00:48:38,240
♪ - All is calm... - Go ♪
♪ home! Get out of here! ♪
662
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,380
♪ - All is... - Run away! ♪
♪ Santa's on the loose! ♪
663
00:48:42,250 --> 00:48:44,380
Excuse me.
664
00:48:49,130 --> 00:48:50,530
Downstairs!
665
00:49:08,780 --> 00:49:10,680
Come on, we have to
get out of here now!
666
00:49:13,620 --> 00:49:15,610
We're trapped in a
closet on Christmas
667
00:49:15,650 --> 00:49:18,489
with Santa trying to murder
us. How fucked up is that?
668
00:49:18,490 --> 00:49:19,899
Watch your language Nicky.
669
00:49:19,900 --> 00:49:21,900
Oh your biggest concern
now is the word fuck?
670
00:49:30,940 --> 00:49:35,260
I gave this to Shaun
Mackenzie in 87, Shh queer
671
00:49:35,340 --> 00:49:37,570
- What are we gonna do?
- Mary, be a dear
672
00:49:37,610 --> 00:49:39,910
and fetch me that can
of Tinactin there.
673
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,680
Oh, genius, we'll use some Tough
Actin' Tinactin on Santa.
674
00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:46,050
What are the chances of
calming Claus down when we
675
00:49:46,090 --> 00:49:48,490
- cure him of his athlete's foot?
- Mary, please.
676
00:49:48,530 --> 00:49:50,520
Okay, you're crazy again.
677
00:49:57,300 --> 00:49:59,960
- Here.
- What do these do?
678
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,940
These are gonna do us a
lot of good in here.
679
00:50:01,970 --> 00:50:05,410
Besides, how are we even
gonna get to the garage?
680
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,310
Have faith, Nicky,
and follow me.
681
00:50:29,100 --> 00:50:31,620
Nicholas, I'm scared.
682
00:50:31,670 --> 00:50:33,860
I know. You're doing a
good job of faking it.
683
00:50:33,900 --> 00:50:36,130
We only have to make it in
another 2.5 more hours.
684
00:50:36,170 --> 00:50:39,110
- Then we should be okay.
- I'm still scared.
685
00:50:41,810 --> 00:50:43,800
Voilà.
686
00:51:14,550 --> 00:51:18,350
We'll head towards the Hell's Bells
and alert everybody we can find.
687
00:51:18,380 --> 00:51:20,370
Now, fire up these bad babies
688
00:51:20,420 --> 00:51:22,350
and let's get out of here.
689
00:51:41,210 --> 00:51:44,110
You've really let
yourself go, haven't ya?
690
00:51:44,140 --> 00:51:47,910
♪ What are you packing around ♪
♪ there An extra two bills I bet. ♪
691
00:51:47,950 --> 00:51:50,680
Mrs. Claus, she's
one hell of a cook.
692
00:51:54,850 --> 00:51:57,580
Not much of a
hairdresser, though.
693
00:51:57,620 --> 00:52:01,220
Oh, I've waited a long
time for this day.
694
00:52:01,260 --> 00:52:03,250
Not half as long as I have.
695
00:52:03,290 --> 00:52:06,920
Unfortunately, your time
is about to expire.
696
00:52:08,170 --> 00:52:11,130
So you're done spreading joy
697
00:52:11,170 --> 00:52:13,730
and warming the hearts
of children everywhere?
698
00:52:13,770 --> 00:52:16,260
I hate children!
For centuries,
699
00:52:16,310 --> 00:52:18,430
I've received millions
of their letters,
700
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,710
and now I'm free to hunt down
701
00:52:20,740 --> 00:52:22,940
every last one of those brats.
702
00:52:22,980 --> 00:52:25,740
Such a long time and
nothing learned.
703
00:52:25,780 --> 00:52:27,940
Enough! There's only one thing
704
00:52:27,990 --> 00:52:31,080
that can make this Dag
of Mort complete.
705
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:34,150
- Nicky, go!
- L won't leave you. Get on!
706
00:52:36,530 --> 00:52:38,720
Grandpa!
707
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,430
No!
708
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,800
Aww, grandpa got run
over by a reindeer.
709
00:52:48,740 --> 00:52:50,730
Get on!
710
00:53:09,690 --> 00:53:12,960
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
711
00:53:15,730 --> 00:53:19,070
♪ - Up there, up there! ♪
♪ - Christmas time, Christmas time ♪
712
00:53:19,100 --> 00:53:20,630
Ho ho ho!
713
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:26,270
♪ When I was a young boy ♪
714
00:53:26,310 --> 00:53:29,440
♪ Santa was nice to me ♪
715
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:34,010
♪ The streets of the town were ♪
♪ paved with presents on me ♪
716
00:53:34,050 --> 00:53:36,040
- You got to get out of the open.
- Really?
717
00:53:36,090 --> 00:53:38,350
The woods! Head for the woods.
718
00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:42,420
♪ Chopping down all our trees ♪
719
00:53:42,460 --> 00:53:46,330
♪ L wonder whatever happened ♪
720
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:51,530
♪ To Christmas time for me ♪
721
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:55,200
Aaah!
722
00:53:57,370 --> 00:53:58,640
Yeah, we got to get
out of the woods.
723
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:00,770
You think?
724
00:54:00,810 --> 00:54:03,140
Aah!
725
00:54:08,220 --> 00:54:10,650
Hold on!
726
00:54:10,690 --> 00:54:13,850
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
727
00:54:17,590 --> 00:54:20,430
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
728
00:54:24,270 --> 00:54:26,830
♪ Christmas time, ♪
♪ Christmas time ♪
729
00:54:28,610 --> 00:54:30,230
Next time, I'm driving!
730
00:54:30,270 --> 00:54:32,570
Next time?
731
00:54:38,450 --> 00:54:40,810
Pull!
732
00:54:40,850 --> 00:54:43,580
Oh my God!
733
00:54:43,620 --> 00:54:45,750
- Look out!
- Look out!
734
00:54:45,790 --> 00:54:47,550
Both: Sorry!
735
00:55:04,310 --> 00:55:06,740
- Run away! Santa's on his way!
- What the...
736
00:55:06,780 --> 00:55:08,870
- Santa's coming. Get out of here!
- Run for your life!
737
00:55:08,910 --> 00:55:10,350
- Look out!
- Run for your life!
738
00:55:11,920 --> 00:55:13,610
- Save yourself!
- Damn kids!
739
00:55:13,650 --> 00:55:15,550
Minister!
740
00:55:15,590 --> 00:55:16,750
Sorry, okay, here we go.
741
00:55:17,620 --> 00:55:20,680
Ready and one and two
and three and...
742
00:55:30,500 --> 00:55:31,500
What the hell?
743
00:55:32,540 --> 00:55:34,600
- No!
- Look out, Harry!
744
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:41,630
Move, you skanks!
745
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,670
Holy shit!
746
00:55:55,220 --> 00:55:57,160
Nicholas, get off the sidewalk!
747
00:55:57,190 --> 00:55:59,490
Okay!
748
00:56:04,060 --> 00:56:05,260
Sweet Jesus!
749
00:56:14,410 --> 00:56:17,020
I see you've met my hell deer.
750
00:56:17,410 --> 00:56:19,640
What in God's name
are you doing?
751
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,880
Why, I'm just trying to spread
a little Yuletide fear.
752
00:56:45,610 --> 00:56:47,040
What do we do now?
753
00:56:47,070 --> 00:56:49,300
We make ourselves scarce
and we hope and we pray
754
00:56:49,340 --> 00:56:52,240
that the "12 Days of
Christmas" song is bullshit.
755
00:56:53,350 --> 00:56:55,210
We got to go now!
756
00:57:14,970 --> 00:57:16,870
Oh.
757
00:57:18,270 --> 00:57:20,930
Think you better find something
else there, Superman.
758
00:57:34,490 --> 00:57:36,150
Great, he'll never find us now.
759
00:57:36,190 --> 00:57:39,020
Okay, shut your hole and
help me through this window.
760
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:46,390
All right... you're going
to need to suck it in.
761
00:57:46,430 --> 00:57:48,370
You're going to need
to push from the top.
762
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:51,670
I swear to God, Nicholas!
Am I going to have to make
763
00:57:51,710 --> 00:57:54,070
every first move in
this relationship.
764
00:58:00,780 --> 00:58:03,770
- How much time do we have?
- The clock's in my backpack.
765
00:58:05,690 --> 00:58:07,150
- What's this?
- It's a nutcracker.
766
00:58:07,190 --> 00:58:10,020
- You think?
- Don't pull that!
767
00:58:11,190 --> 00:58:12,920
My grandpa must have
slipped it in there.
768
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:14,650
It was the last thing
he was working on.
769
00:58:14,690 --> 00:58:17,160
Look, there's a tag on it.
770
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,430
A Christmas present?
771
00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:24,700
He loved you a lot.
772
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:36,810
58 minutes, that's it.
773
00:58:59,070 --> 00:59:00,840
So what's the plan?
Just hide out and wait
774
00:59:00,870 --> 00:59:03,370
for Christmas to pass?
He'll be here soon.
775
00:59:03,410 --> 00:59:06,170
He's just going to keep killing.
We have to try and stop him.
776
00:59:06,210 --> 00:59:07,770
I don't think he's unstoppable.
777
00:59:08,250 --> 00:59:10,650
♪ You saw what happened on the ♪
♪ truck, when I shot him ♪
778
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,880
We have two choices...
defense or offense.
779
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:15,550
We can be defensive and
try to distract him
780
00:59:15,590 --> 00:59:17,110
until midnight when
he's powerless,
781
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:18,850
or we can go on the
offense and lead him back
782
00:59:18,890 --> 00:59:22,420
towards those skeet shooters and
finally put an end to Christmas.
783
00:59:23,930 --> 00:59:25,230
Let's take a swing.
784
00:59:25,270 --> 00:59:27,600
Let's get out of here.
This time we use the door.
785
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:39,440
- Shit, it's out again.
- Well keep hitting it.
786
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:41,500
It's cashed.
787
00:59:41,550 --> 00:59:42,980
You call this a practical gift?
788
00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:45,310
A practical gift
would be batteries.
789
00:59:45,620 --> 00:59:48,350
Yeah, that's really
helpful right now, Mac.
790
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:52,050
- That was you, right?
- Mm-mmm.
791
00:59:52,090 --> 00:59:54,530
Who's your daddy?
792
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:56,550
Father Christmas.
793
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:58,560
Come on let's go!
794
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:02,800
- Where to?!
- Anywhere!
795
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,110
Forget about earlier. Let's go
with the defensive chicken plan.
796
01:00:15,150 --> 01:00:18,050
- Maybe we should split up!
- How cliche of you!
797
01:00:19,820 --> 01:00:21,480
Oh hell no!
798
01:00:22,490 --> 01:00:23,490
Let's just hide.
799
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:45,280
Sssh.
800
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:07,360
Not a creature is stirring?
801
01:01:29,220 --> 01:01:32,350
Christmas can sure scare
the Dickens out of people.
802
01:01:41,500 --> 01:01:43,500
Oh. Oh.
803
01:01:48,870 --> 01:01:51,710
Goddamn it, that really hurt!
804
01:01:51,740 --> 01:01:54,370
Quit using the Lord's
name in vain, A-hole.
805
01:01:54,410 --> 01:01:56,240
You sound just like my grandpa,
806
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:57,980
except for the A-hole part.
807
01:01:58,580 --> 01:02:00,780
- Whoa!
- Aaaah!
808
01:02:08,260 --> 01:02:09,260
You okay, Nicholas?
809
01:02:10,290 --> 01:02:12,130
My head hurts.
810
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:13,720
Oh, come over here,
you baby man.
811
01:02:17,270 --> 01:02:20,669
I still can't believe that we're being
hunted by Santa of all f-ing people.
812
01:02:20,670 --> 01:02:22,669
I thought he was
supposed to be jolly?
813
01:02:22,670 --> 01:02:25,720
Well maybe its the killing
that's making him so jovial.
814
01:02:27,420 --> 01:02:28,460
Sorry.
815
01:02:28,700 --> 01:02:30,540
Look we're going to
get through this.
816
01:02:30,570 --> 01:02:32,130
We'll be home safe soon.
817
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:36,300
I just realized
that I have no one.
818
01:02:38,780 --> 01:02:39,870
I'm so sorry, Nicholas.
819
01:02:43,620 --> 01:02:44,620
You have me.
820
01:02:45,650 --> 01:02:49,150
Besides, I know your grandfather
will always be looking after you.
821
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:54,020
But whatever happens, I'm
glad that I'm with you.
822
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:02,260
I just love how the holidays
823
01:03:02,300 --> 01:03:04,700
always seem to bring
people closer together.
824
01:03:15,980 --> 01:03:18,380
I'm Santa Claus! Not
fucking Dracula!
825
01:03:50,020 --> 01:03:52,490
Again, the foolish archangel,
826
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,160
Hellsgate Yuleson.
827
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:58,550
The only angel to give up his
immortality for an earthly woman.
828
01:04:02,700 --> 01:04:06,960
I'm beginning to feel a little
more like my old self again.
829
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:09,990
Wicked, your
grandfather's an angel.
830
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:12,670
I told you he'd look after you.
831
01:04:12,710 --> 01:04:15,180
I swear I'll never take the
Lord's name in vain again.
832
01:04:15,210 --> 01:04:16,840
You're forgiven, Nicholas.
833
01:04:18,650 --> 01:04:21,950
Sorry I couldn't have made you
death a more painful one.
834
01:04:21,980 --> 01:04:23,650
How did you know I'd find you?
835
01:04:23,690 --> 01:04:25,680
You said you'd go to
Hell and back to find me
836
01:04:25,720 --> 01:04:26,720
once the bet was over.
837
01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:30,050
So I moved to Hell Township.
838
01:04:30,090 --> 01:04:32,390
Is your grandfather
always so literal?
839
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:34,990
I had to make sure
840
01:04:35,030 --> 01:04:37,020
you would honor our wager.
841
01:04:37,070 --> 01:04:40,060
It was easy to find you.
842
01:04:48,410 --> 01:04:49,880
"Dear Santa,"
843
01:04:49,910 --> 01:04:52,880
I've been a good boy nearly
every day this year.
844
01:04:52,920 --> 01:04:54,350
I wanted to see you at the mall,
845
01:04:54,950 --> 01:04:58,180
but my grandfather finished
curling practice too late.
846
01:04:58,220 --> 01:05:00,690
I don't think he
really wanted to go,
847
01:05:00,720 --> 01:05:02,660
so I'm writing you this
letter to tell you
848
01:05:02,760 --> 01:05:05,230
what I would like for Christmas.
849
01:05:05,260 --> 01:05:08,200
Can I please have
a mini-bake oven?
850
01:05:09,770 --> 01:05:13,060
"Sincerely, Nicholas Yuleson"
851
01:05:13,100 --> 01:05:15,800
29 Meadowlark Lane.
852
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:18,140
Hell Township.
853
01:05:18,170 --> 01:05:21,670
Let the boy go. It's
me you really want.
854
01:05:21,710 --> 01:05:25,670
On the contrary, I knew the boy
would lead me to you and he did.
855
01:05:25,710 --> 01:05:27,580
Now that he's the last
remaining Yuleson...
856
01:05:27,620 --> 01:05:30,480
Why don't we settle this, Claus?
857
01:05:30,520 --> 01:05:32,990
Care to redeem yourself?
858
01:05:38,630 --> 01:05:40,460
This time,
859
01:05:40,500 --> 01:05:42,830
I set the stakes.
860
01:05:53,810 --> 01:05:56,940
If I win, there's no
more Day of Slayings.
861
01:05:56,980 --> 01:06:00,380
It's back to being
good once and for all.
862
01:06:00,420 --> 01:06:03,380
- How 'bout it?
- When you lose,
863
01:06:03,420 --> 01:06:05,780
you will enter that hell hole
864
01:06:05,820 --> 01:06:08,350
and your soul will be
enslaved for all of eternity.
865
01:06:08,390 --> 01:06:11,790
- How about that?
- Grandpa!
866
01:06:11,830 --> 01:06:12,890
Nicky, just remember,
867
01:06:13,860 --> 01:06:15,120
the only worth-while gifts
868
01:06:15,900 --> 01:06:18,300
are practical ones.
869
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:21,730
Go!
870
01:06:41,860 --> 01:06:42,860
Damn!
871
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,130
I hope you enjoyed
your little furlough.
872
01:06:49,230 --> 01:06:50,320
Now, let's finish this.
873
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:11,350
- Grandpa!
- Aaaaah!
874
01:07:14,020 --> 01:07:16,350
- Grandpa!
- Yes!
875
01:07:18,890 --> 01:07:21,860
Not to worry. You'll
be joining him
876
01:07:21,900 --> 01:07:24,660
soon enough.
877
01:07:24,700 --> 01:07:27,360
The clock just struck
midnight at the Pole.
878
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:29,930
Christmas is officially
over for you, Santa.
879
01:07:32,980 --> 01:07:34,470
You know,
880
01:07:34,510 --> 01:07:36,500
most people make
the same mistake.
881
01:07:36,550 --> 01:07:40,710
The correct time at the Pole
is completely discretionary
882
01:07:40,750 --> 01:07:43,880
because the Poles are
where all the time zones
883
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:45,550
actually converge.
884
01:07:45,590 --> 01:07:47,850
He's scary, yet educational.
885
01:07:47,890 --> 01:07:50,190
So, what I'm saying,
886
01:07:50,230 --> 01:07:51,890
nitwits,
887
01:07:51,930 --> 01:07:53,090
is that Christmas is over
888
01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:57,230
when I say it's over.
889
01:08:05,770 --> 01:08:08,210
Chest-nut.
890
01:08:18,950 --> 01:08:21,080
Hello?
891
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:23,220
Let's turn up the heat!
892
01:08:23,380 --> 01:08:25,400
I'm roasting!
893
01:08:26,460 --> 01:08:28,820
Here, give me your
hand. I got you!
894
01:08:29,900 --> 01:08:30,900
Pull!
895
01:08:36,660 --> 01:08:41,600
Merry Christmas to all
and to all good night.
896
01:08:48,460 --> 01:08:49,540
Remember me?!
897
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:51,680
Come on! Pull, Mac!
898
01:08:59,500 --> 01:09:01,040
Get back in line!
899
01:09:08,510 --> 01:09:09,840
Ha!
900
01:09:14,180 --> 01:09:17,310
Honey, I had the most
terrible nightmare.
901
01:09:17,350 --> 01:09:19,550
Visions of sugarplums?
902
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:23,690
So, is everyone okay?
903
01:09:24,340 --> 01:09:26,920
I'm fine, but I think you
have some explaining to do.
904
01:09:26,960 --> 01:09:27,960
Okay.
905
01:09:30,300 --> 01:09:31,690
My boy,
906
01:09:32,440 --> 01:09:36,860
I loved your grandmother
very, very much.
907
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:40,940
What powers I had, I
lost all for her.
908
01:09:42,380 --> 01:09:44,740
I'm telling you, kids,
Santa's bluffing.
909
01:09:44,820 --> 01:09:46,770
He's powerless now.
910
01:09:46,810 --> 01:09:49,410
Let's go after him and put an
end to this once and for all.
911
01:09:49,450 --> 01:09:50,880
What do you say?
912
01:09:52,080 --> 01:09:54,640
- Okay, Yeah! We'll go..
913
01:10:02,860 --> 01:10:06,360
- Grandpa?
- L don't believe I can cross.
914
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,870
I can't leave you,
Grandpa. Not again.
915
01:10:08,900 --> 01:10:12,860
I don't recall raising a sally!
916
01:10:12,910 --> 01:10:15,880
Now go! I promise
917
01:10:15,910 --> 01:10:17,580
I'll be around.
918
01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:24,380
Time to go on the offense.
919
01:10:24,960 --> 01:10:26,400
The bears eat salmon.
920
01:10:26,450 --> 01:10:29,220
They stand there all damn day and
wait for those fish to jump up.
921
01:10:29,260 --> 01:10:30,550
I wouldn't touch 'em though.
922
01:10:30,590 --> 01:10:32,650
That time of year, they
look like monsters.
923
01:10:32,690 --> 01:10:35,090
Their muzzles are all
disgusting and everything.
924
01:10:35,130 --> 01:10:38,060
Hey. Hey, there's that asshole
who blew by here earlier.
925
01:10:38,100 --> 01:10:39,800
And my baby sister.
926
01:10:40,130 --> 01:10:42,130
- Come on, we need your help.
- What?
927
01:10:42,170 --> 01:10:44,000
Come on, hurry up.
928
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:46,440
How would you like to tell
everyone in your park...
929
01:10:46,470 --> 01:10:49,470
your block, that you have a
bird deer mounted on your wall?
930
01:10:55,420 --> 01:10:57,350
What do you mean?
931
01:10:58,420 --> 01:11:00,180
I'm sure half of you guys
have been dreaming about this
932
01:11:00,240 --> 01:11:03,510
your entire lives.
Hunting a flying buck?
933
01:11:06,090 --> 01:11:09,220
And you know where one is?
934
01:11:09,260 --> 01:11:12,460
Just get ready. I'm going to
give the special bird deer call.
935
01:11:29,780 --> 01:11:31,050
The little prick was right.
936
01:11:31,820 --> 01:11:33,410
It's a reindeer.
937
01:11:33,450 --> 01:11:37,080
- Come on, man.
- Load up, load up.
938
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:39,920
You're going down
939
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:42,390
in history.
940
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,730
Here. You can do it.
941
01:12:09,990 --> 01:12:10,990
- Oh!
- Yeah!
942
01:12:11,860 --> 01:12:13,280
- Ah!
- Oh!
943
01:12:16,660 --> 01:12:19,420
Whooo-hoooo!
944
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:21,920
Daddy?
945
01:12:21,970 --> 01:12:24,630
Hi, sweetheart!
946
01:12:24,670 --> 01:12:27,570
Daddy, where did you
get that bazooka?
947
01:12:27,610 --> 01:12:29,800
Vinnie gave it to
me for Christmas.
948
01:12:29,840 --> 01:12:31,500
He'd been saving
up his llama loot.
949
01:12:31,880 --> 01:12:34,470
Isn't it great?
950
01:12:34,510 --> 01:12:37,680
It only cost me a lung.
951
01:12:39,190 --> 01:12:41,150
And your vocal chords.
952
01:12:47,360 --> 01:12:49,160
That sure looks
like Santa to me.
953
01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:52,080
I guess Christmas is over.
Santa's stuck on the North Pole.
954
01:12:52,120 --> 01:12:53,120
Mac!
955
01:13:00,170 --> 01:13:01,170
It's Pastor Timmons.
956
01:13:02,210 --> 01:13:05,610
Pastor Timmons is the
psycho Santa guy?
957
01:13:05,650 --> 01:13:09,100
What a scandal. I was
one of his alter boys.
958
01:13:11,460 --> 01:13:12,880
What?
959
01:13:14,250 --> 01:13:17,620
All right, everyone stand back.
960
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:20,390
Things are about to
get a little messy.
961
01:13:29,170 --> 01:13:31,070
And make sure you
include in your report
962
01:13:31,210 --> 01:13:33,570
that the light anti-tank
weapon is registered.
963
01:13:34,580 --> 01:13:37,670
- Thank you.
- Let's go bag the stag.
964
01:13:39,180 --> 01:13:41,080
Hey, Mary! You
want to come help?
965
01:13:41,120 --> 01:13:43,280
No, you have fun, Daddy.
966
01:13:48,860 --> 01:13:50,260
Why didn't you say anything?
967
01:13:52,190 --> 01:13:53,450
Christmas is over,
968
01:13:53,490 --> 01:13:56,620
Santa's gone. Why should
they live in fear?
969
01:13:58,780 --> 01:14:01,300
Maybe he's still out
there I don't know.
970
01:14:02,700 --> 01:14:05,430
I think my saga's
just beginning.
971
01:14:07,340 --> 01:14:09,310
Hey, I think your dad left this.
972
01:14:10,540 --> 01:14:11,640
He'll probably need it.
973
01:14:14,680 --> 01:14:16,240
I got you.
974
01:14:18,220 --> 01:14:20,360
Hey, and I got you.
975
01:14:20,550 --> 01:14:22,820
Yeah, but you hit like a girl.
976
01:14:22,860 --> 01:14:25,260
Yeah, well you kiss like a guy.
977
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:58,650
So... Mr. Satan.
978
01:14:59,890 --> 01:15:01,990
Actually, that's "Shatan."
979
01:15:02,030 --> 01:15:05,190
Oh, like the hockey player.
980
01:15:07,900 --> 01:15:10,200
Well, we have you
981
01:15:10,240 --> 01:15:12,800
connecting in Winnipeg and...
982
01:15:12,840 --> 01:15:13,840
continuing on too...
983
01:15:14,880 --> 01:15:16,640
Borneo Airport, North Pole.
984
01:15:16,680 --> 01:15:17,680
That's correct.
985
01:15:18,710 --> 01:15:20,540
How many bags do you
have to check, sir?
986
01:15:20,750 --> 01:15:21,750
Just one.
987
01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:33,260
Has your... sack
988
01:15:33,290 --> 01:15:35,160
been out of your sight at all?
989
01:15:38,770 --> 01:15:40,580
Well, just have a seat.
990
01:15:40,640 --> 01:15:42,030
We'll board in 10 minutes.
991
01:15:43,800 --> 01:15:45,570
Can I help the next
person, please?
992
01:15:45,780 --> 01:15:47,160
One two three...
993
01:15:53,280 --> 01:15:54,280
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
994
01:15:55,320 --> 01:15:56,380
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
995
01:15:58,950 --> 01:16:00,520
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
996
01:16:00,600 --> 01:16:02,160
♪ L ain't going to cry ♪
997
01:16:04,460 --> 01:16:07,260
♪ You killed my gramps and ♪
♪ you're trying to kill me ♪
998
01:16:07,290 --> 01:16:10,260
♪ L hope your sleigh ♪
♪ goes down in the sea ♪
999
01:16:10,300 --> 01:16:11,340
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1000
01:16:12,330 --> 01:16:13,740
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1001
01:16:16,140 --> 01:16:17,970
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1002
01:16:18,010 --> 01:16:19,640
♪ L know it's too bad ♪
1003
01:16:21,810 --> 01:16:25,800
♪ L thought you were sweet and ♪
♪ nice, but I think we've been had ♪
1004
01:16:27,480 --> 01:16:29,950
♪ If you were to go ♪
♪ on a terror run ♪
1005
01:16:29,980 --> 01:16:33,110
♪ Yeah, I'm glad we shot ♪
♪ you down with a gun ♪
1006
01:16:33,150 --> 01:16:34,380
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1007
01:16:35,190 --> 01:16:36,760
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1008
01:16:38,990 --> 01:16:41,960
♪ L bet you ate Rudolph, ♪
♪ I bet you killed him ♪
1009
01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:44,790
♪ L bet you tore Dasher ♪
♪ up limb by limb ♪
1010
01:16:44,830 --> 01:16:47,800
♪ L just have a question, ♪
♪ I just can't see ♪
1011
01:16:47,830 --> 01:16:51,000
♪ Why you got to be ♪
♪ so mean to me ♪
1012
01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:16,620
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1013
01:17:17,230 --> 01:17:18,580
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1014
01:17:20,870 --> 01:17:22,860
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1015
01:17:22,900 --> 01:17:24,500
♪ L ain't going to cry ♪
1016
01:17:26,870 --> 01:17:29,500
♪ You killed my gramps and ♪
♪ you're trying to kill me ♪
1017
01:17:29,540 --> 01:17:32,510
♪ L hope your sleigh ♪
♪ goes down in the sea ♪
1018
01:17:32,550 --> 01:17:33,860
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1019
01:17:34,580 --> 01:17:36,080
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1020
01:17:38,390 --> 01:17:39,800
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1021
01:17:40,420 --> 01:17:41,960
♪ Santa, bye bye ♪
1022
01:17:44,220 --> 01:17:45,940
♪ Bye bye, Santa ♪
1023
01:17:46,260 --> 01:17:47,940
♪ Santa, bye bye. ♪
1024
01:18:06,580 --> 01:18:09,550
♪ Deck the halls with ♪
♪ boughs of holly ♪
1025
01:18:09,580 --> 01:18:12,380
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1026
01:18:12,420 --> 01:18:15,390
♪ 'Tis the season ♪
♪ to be jolly ♪
1027
01:18:15,420 --> 01:18:18,050
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1028
01:18:18,090 --> 01:18:21,060
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
1029
01:18:21,090 --> 01:18:23,720
♪ Na na na, na na ♪
♪ na, na na na ♪
1030
01:18:23,760 --> 01:18:26,730
♪ Troll the ancient ♪
♪ Yuletide carol ♪
1031
01:18:26,760 --> 01:18:29,760
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1032
01:18:43,110 --> 01:18:46,080
♪ See the blazing ♪
♪ Yule before us ♪
1033
01:18:46,120 --> 01:18:48,750
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1034
01:18:48,790 --> 01:18:51,760
♪ Strike the lamp and ♪
♪ join the chorus ♪
1035
01:18:51,790 --> 01:18:54,590
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1036
01:18:54,630 --> 01:18:57,420
♪ Follow me in merry measure ♪
1037
01:18:57,460 --> 01:19:00,260
♪ Na na na, na na na, na na na ♪
1038
01:19:00,300 --> 01:19:03,100
♪ While I tell of ♪
♪ Yuletide treasure ♪
1039
01:19:03,130 --> 01:19:06,130
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1040
01:19:18,820 --> 01:19:21,610
♪ Deck the halls with ♪
♪ boughs of holly ♪
1041
01:19:21,650 --> 01:19:24,450
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1042
01:19:24,490 --> 01:19:27,460
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
1043
01:19:27,490 --> 01:19:30,120
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1044
01:19:30,160 --> 01:19:33,130
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
1045
01:19:33,160 --> 01:19:35,790
♪ Na na na, na na ♪
♪ na, na na na ♪
1046
01:19:35,830 --> 01:19:38,700
♪ Troll the ancient ♪
♪ Yuletide carol ♪
1047
01:19:38,740 --> 01:19:41,470
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1048
01:19:41,510 --> 01:19:44,500
♪ Na na na na naaa, ♪
♪ na na na na ♪
1049
01:20:44,350 --> 01:20:47,640
♪ Christmas in Detroit, ♪
♪ down river style ♪
1050
01:20:47,680 --> 01:20:51,640
♪ From the Straits of Gibraltar ♪
♪ to the tip of Belle lsle ♪
1051
01:20:51,690 --> 01:20:54,990
♪ Christmas in Detroit, ♪
♪ check it and see ♪
1052
01:20:55,020 --> 01:20:58,980
♪ It's a family reunion ♪
♪ just aspects of me ♪
1053
01:20:59,030 --> 01:21:01,150
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
1054
01:21:01,200 --> 01:21:03,440
♪ It's going to blow your mind ♪
1055
01:21:06,530 --> 01:21:09,660
♪ Santa don't have nowhere ♪
♪ to park his sleigh ♪
1056
01:21:09,700 --> 01:21:13,830
♪ With the crumbling rooftops ♪
♪ and the urban decay ♪
1057
01:21:13,880 --> 01:21:17,000
♪ Ain't got no chimney ♪
♪ to crawl down ♪
1058
01:21:17,050 --> 01:21:21,180
♪ And if he don't bring ♪
♪ Rudolph, just shoot him down ♪
1059
01:21:21,220 --> 01:21:23,450
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
1060
01:21:23,480 --> 01:21:26,210
♪ It's going to blow your mind ♪
1061
01:21:50,580 --> 01:21:53,880
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
♪ has a down river style ♪
1062
01:21:53,920 --> 01:21:58,050
♪ From the Straits of Gibraltar ♪
♪ to the tip of Belle lsle ♪
1063
01:21:58,090 --> 01:22:01,210
♪ Christmas in Detroit, ♪
♪ check it and see ♪
1064
01:22:01,260 --> 01:22:05,390
♪ It's a family reunion ♪
♪ just aspects of me ♪
1065
01:22:05,430 --> 01:22:06,920
♪ Christmas in Detroit ♪
1066
01:22:07,460 --> 01:22:09,760
♪ It's going to ♪
♪ blow your mind. ♪
1067
01:24:28,540 --> 01:24:30,060
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