All language subtitles for Cult.Following.2021.720p1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]-English

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

♪ ♪

(player engaging)

♪ ♪

(slurping)

Oh.
Hey! I didn't see you there.

Come, take a seat.

How you doing?

I have a story to tell you.

♪ ♪

My name is Tyler Sternberg
and I'm a filmmaker.

Not just any filmmaker...
a filmmaker with style,

with flair,

and a little bit of moxie.

Ever since I was young,

I've had the moviemaking bug.

I wanted to make something
that was full of wonder

and amazement,

so I went to film school
and put my craft to work,

learning every technique
I could,

just waiting for my chance
to make a legitimate movie.

♪ ♪

And a few weeks
after graduating,

that moment finally happened.

Ow! Come on,
are you serious?

I said I was filming.

That's when I got
my opportunity with this man.

An esteemed author
who has published

numerous books
on cults around the world.

Sure, they're sensationalized,

but a job's a job,

and I plan to make
the most badass film I can

about a subject
I know nothing about.

(eerie, distorted laughter)

(static)

You want me
to take my shirt...

You don't need to take off
your whole shirt.

Might as well just do it.

You're just gonna
put it back on.

Okay, dude.

That... don't...

(chuckling)

here, okay?

Do you want me to do this?

What do you want me...
what do you want me to do?

- You're the expert here.
- Uh, yeah, I...

So say your name and,
you know, why you're here.

Let's get this started.

Let's pretend
the camera's not there.

Why?

Just trust me.
It'll look better.

Are you ready to start?

I was born fucking ready.

Cool. Uh, could you clap
for sound, please?

(sharp clap)

Great.

All right, let's just start
with saying your name.

My name's Robert Regis.

- Don't say in the camera...
- My name's Robert Regis.

Great. One more time.

My name
is Robert Regis.

Awesome.

So, tell us a little bit
about this particular doc.

The cult that we're looking for?

Yeah.

(chair creaks)

Uh, how could I
describe it to you?

The cult we're looking for is

the Bigfoot of cults.

The Loch Ness monster of cults.

The chupacabra of cults.

The most elusive, okay?

Does the word "Abaddon"
ring a bell?

No.

Legendary demon
from the Old Testament.

One of the few demons
that made it

into the New Testament.

That name literally means
"doom."

In the New Testament,

he's said to be an angel
that led an army of locusts,

a destroyer.

Well, he got himself
a following

a few thousand years back.

They're called
the Disciples of Abaddon.

Never been found,
never been seen.

Sail under the radar.

That's what makes them
impossible to track.

They're just like you and me,

only every 50,
maybe 100 years,

they gather for three rituals

and sacrifice
in the demon's name,

and thus get the power
of immortality.

I believe that they also
recruit a new member

during this period
of rituals too.

All this transpires
while maintaining secrecy,

which it's literally
in their rules.

They can't ever get married.

They can never have any type
of luxurious lifestyles.

They live like peasants, okay?

All in attempt
to fly under the radar,

and it's worked for 'em
for thousands of years.

But guess what?

They didn't take one thing
into account.

Know what that is?

- What?
- Rob-fucking-Regis.

Again, pretend
the camera's not there,

- that was cool.
- No, this is important

- That was pretty cool, right?
- Yeah, that was cool.

That was pretty cool, okay.

Rob-fucking-Regis
is on their tail now.

Okay? And you can't ever
hide from me.

I will sniff you out,

I will find you,
and when I do,

I'm going
to fucking nail your ass

straight onto the wall
for the world to see.

(grunts aggressively)

Rob-fucking-Regis.

Okay.

Is there any evidence of this?

I have two pieces of evidence,

and I worked long and hard
to find 'em.

Through all of my toils,

I was able to ascertain
two pieces of evidence

in my long, storied career.

Evidence number one:

this piece of paper.

That's a buncha numbers on it.

I'm very proud of this one.

And piece number two?

I have a drawing
of this man.

He allegedly knows more.

That looks like
a children's drawing.

This is a children's drawing.

Thanks, Timmy.

♪ ♪

Now, I got lucky with this guy
and he reached out.

There's also a chance
this is a huge waste of time.

♪ ♪

Fuckin' heap of shit.

- I'm looking good?
- Lookin' great.

- Rule number three.
- Rule number three.

Rule number three:
Do I look good?

Oh yeah... Rob Rules.

(jarring musical chord)

Can't forget about those.

Let's quickly circle back
and hear these important rules.

Very, very intricate,
detailed rules.

Lots of them.

(jarring musical chord)

Rule number one:
Always be filming.

Okay? Rule number two:
Always be filming.

And rule number three:

Always make me look good
while you're filming.

Anyways, where were we?

Rob, where are we?

We are at a gentleman's house
that contacted me in Com...

Actually, he doesn't know
that I'm bringing a camera crew,

so just kinda
chill in the back, okay?

What's this guy's name again?

- Old guy?
- Old g...

you don't remember his name?

I don't know;
with your great drawing,

you didn't give me
much specifics.

Hello!

(claps hands)

- Welcome.
- How you doing, sir?

Good. Who the hell are you?

Rob Regis.

Hey, man, how's it going?

Hippie Joe.

(kissing)

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too,
Hippie Joe.

- Ready for the tour?
- I'm ready for the tour.

- Right, let's go do it, dude.
- Let's go do it.

I'll be right behind you,
Hippie Joe.

All right.

Druggie.

(grunts)

Come on through, bud.

All right.

Oh, you got the fireplace going,

- that's nice.
- Yeah, yeah.

- This is your place?
- This is mi casa.

I mean, he lived in the back,

but this is my spot
right here.

He lived here.

On the back house,
but yeah,

- he lived here.
- Here?

Absolutely.

Wanna see my stained glass
collection?

I'm... no.

I would like to see
where he lived, though.

- Show me where he lived, please.
- Maybe later.

Yeah, come on through,
come on through.

Okay, later,
I'll see it later.

(door squeaks)

Watch out for the wasps, man,
we got an outbreak this year.

Yeah, man,
he seemed like a righteous dude,

but he was really weird, man.

Like, really weird, brother.

- This is where he stayed?
- Right in there.

(floor creaks)

Yeah, take a look around,
man.

Yeah, this is it, man,
I'm fixing it up.

Needs a little bit of work.

Working on it right now.

When I'm done with it,
it's gonna be magic.

♪ ♪

Two words: purple glitter.

Yes, he was a weird dude,
really weird.

Liked to drink,
and you know, when he drank,

he'd start talking,

and I guess I got one
of those faces you can trust,

so he told me all sorts
of crazy... crazy shit.

Like, he lived a million years
and was tired of it

and belonged to
some kind of a cult.

- I don't know what the name was.
- Yeah.

Probably nothing.

Yeah, so, um, yeah,
take a look around, man.

this is it.

All right, thank you,
Hippie Joe.

I'm, uh, just gonna
look around a little bit, okay?

- Yeah, take your time.
- All right.

Okay.

Now.

♪ ♪

What are we looking for,
exactly?

Hippie Joe!

Mind if I look
in the bathroom?

- Sure.
- I'm just gonna look around

a little bit, okay?

Yeah.

This is a staph infection
waiting to happen.

Let's check it out in here.

Let's go.

♪ ♪

(exclaims)

Kid, lemme tell you.

I've shit in holes in Mexico
that are nicer than this.

Do you think a disciple
actually lived here?

I don't know.

Hey, Tyler!

Come over here.

Come here.

No, nothing, Hippie Joe.

Interesting choice of window
over there.

(whispering)
C'mere.

C'mere.

That's it.
That's the symbol right there.

Really?

This is it right here,
it's that mark.

Okay, this is what
I need you to do.

Go ask Hippie Joe
a few questions

while I quietly
investigate this area.

What am I supposed to ask him?

I don't know, ask him when
he felt it wasn't important

to be a productive
member of society anymore.

Hippie! My camera crew
has a few questions for you.

So, Mr. Joe.

This man that lived here
hadn't lived here

for a long time?

Uh, yeah, he lived here
about a year,

right around.

And his personality.
Tell me about that.

Uh, he was a pretty quiet guy.

You know, kept to himself,
pretty much a recluse.

You know, didn't talk much.

You know, just in and out,
wouldn't hear from him.

So, you guys never held
much of a conversation.

Yeah, you know,
he talked to me.

I mean,
I got one of those faces,

so we'd talk now and then.

And other than
that one incident

where he was intoxicated.

No, no. I mean, nothing...
nothing more than your usual,

you know, friendly banter.

And how, Mr. Joe, exactly
did he leave this residence?

He just woke up one morning and
he was gone all of a sudden...

hey, man!

Don't do that.

You're fuckin'
ruining my floors!

What are you doing, man?

Uh, tell me about
your stained glass collection.

- Do you make them yourself?
- What? I-I...

you're breakin' my floors.

Oh.

What... what are you doing, man?

- Sorry.
- That's not cool.

I know,
it was a weird one.

It's weird,
but it was an accident.

An accident?

- Just wasn't meant to be.
- Aww, man.

- Man, what... what...
- I'm really sorry, Hippie Joe.

We gotta go.
We gotta go, I'm sorry.

Thank you for your time.

Unbelievable, man.

- Ready?
- Hold for plane...

Yeah, there's a lot of planes
right here.

John Wayne Airport's
right down the road.

Look how fuckin' slow
they go, too.

Fuckin' slow piece of shit.

(distant roar)

Yep. Wait, are we still
getting that plane?

Don't worry,
the dog doesn't do anything,

just wag his tail.

He didn't quite pan out
how I thought he was going to.

Got that "Beware of Dog" sign
for nothing.

- (whimpering)
- Come on!

Let's go, kid, let's go.

♪ ♪

What I am about to tell you
is top secret.

I've been able to ascertain
from these numbers this.

What?

(Rob sighs)

What, a phone number?

Like, a Social Security number?

Goddammit, kid,
you're not helping me.

What does this look like to you?

Like, uh... like a code
for a bank safe.

Code. It is a code.

Not a bank safe, though.

You don't got nothin' else?

Uh...

No. No.

Like, dude, they're
just a bunch of numbers.

I have no fucking clue.

Like, what the fuck
do you think this is?

Shh! Shut up!

Three. Starts with a T.

Tiffany.

One! What's one start with?

Zero. Olivia.

Two. Starts with, uh, a T.

Theresa.

What's not right here?

There is no six.

Six and the nine's down here.

God, I could go
for a good 69 right now.

Six. Starts with an S.
Sarah. Suzie. Stacey. Samantha.

Oh my god. Sabile.

It's fucking coordinates.

This is coordinates right here!

That's exactly what it is.

Are those all, like,
girls you slept with?

You know the answer to that,
boy.

Oral sex?

Okay. Where is this going to?

Mm, do we need like a map...
is this like...

Yeah. That's the next thing
we have to figure out.

(sharp rap)

(birdsong)

♪ ♪

This guy sure got
really far out here.

♪ ♪

Okay.

It's this way kid,

and we take this path.

I'm gonna hop up this

and then we're gonna
start moving.

Let's go.

Give the old man a push.

(grunting)

Okay.

♪ ♪

Let's go kid. Hurry up.

You're taking forever.

♪ ♪

(boot slips)

Son of a bitch!

Oh, jeez.

(crow caws)

Jesus.

♪ ♪

(crow cawing)

♪ ♪

Let's go.

♪ ♪

(static)

Fuck!

That's it right there.

We were too late.

Fuck!

Why am I
so out of goddamn shape?

(exclaims)

Son of a bitch!

See?

See, here's where one of
the symbols is recreated.

I think that's lambda.

Don't make up names for things.

And here's the other symbol.

That's phi.

Seriously, stop with the names.

This right here...

is essentially
a cell phone call to Abaddon.

Lettin' 'em know
that it's that time.

Next, possession,

and then lastly,

it's reincarnation
of him himself.

And we just fucking missed him.

(exclaims)

Fuck!

We were this close, kid.

Just...

(sighs deeply)

(bell rings softly)

Did you hear that, kid?

Kid, did you hear that?

(branches snapping)

Kid, are you hearing this?

Where is it, kid?

♪ ♪

Where is it, kid?

♪ ♪

Over here, kid, come on.

♪ ♪

Over there!

♪ ♪

(panting)

Wow!

♪ ♪

I see you.

Yeah.

Little elf-boy.

And Lady Galadriel,
weave your cape.

You getting this, Tyler?

♪ ♪

I got you.

Yeah, I got you, Gandalf.

♪ ♪

Aren't we gonna chase him?

No.

They're just gonna
keep playing with us,

lure us somewhere that
we don't wanna be right now.

We gotta get going
before the sun goes down.

(water rushing)

That ritual that we just missed?

That's exactly what we need
to film and document.

Soon as we get that,

we prove their existence,
kid.

Okay? And we missed it.

But...

it's okay.

Come over here.

We're gonna get 'em,

I think I figured
something out.

So here's the ancient code.

I think this could be
our guide to catching them

in the act of the rituals.

So I know everything
between here and here,

and the middle bracket
all the way down,

that's coordinates.

I know that for a fact.

I don't know what everything
on the left over here is,

or on the right,

but I know dead center
in the middle is coordinates.

So all's not lost.

We're gonna get 'em, kid.

♪ ♪

Dear video diary:

It's me, Ty-Ty.

Weird day.

I mean, the weirdest part is
that this dude actually believes

all the stuff
he's talking about.

It's like
the Illuminati conspiracy.

But cool part for me
is that it gives me a chance

to actually do something good,

gives me a shot to actually
shoot something professional.

And that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna shoot this nutjob
and all his delusions, and...

it's gonna fuckin' rock.

♪ ♪

We'll see what happens next.

Ta-ta.

So I'm gonna throw it at you.

All right.

- Right now? Okay.
- Yeah.

Wait, I threw it
at the camera!

(shouting, exclaiming)

♪ ♪

Hey! Get... back up.

I'm hormonal as fuck right now.

Watch out.

(chuckles)

You know you like it.

Just tell me you like it.

Uh-huh. That's what
you like to tell yourself?

Hey.

I know what we're doing later.

I'm on my period, dude!

I'm gonna bring the camera.

What? No! No.

(staticky blips)

Rob, this is for you.

I'm documenting that someone
broke into my fucking place

and put this vial
in front of my flowers,

my pretty flowers.

Unless it was you, babe.

What?

Did you put that there?

No. You already asked me this.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

- It's very romantic.
- Cool.

Why don't you drink it?

Uh...

(knocking)

Come in.

(knocking)

Come in!

- (door opens)
- Kid?

This is... this is a mess.

When's the last time
you cleaned up in here?

Oh! Like the dog.

I'll take a scotch.

It's fuckin' noon, dude.

That doesn't mean anything.
Where's it at?

(clapping hands)
Let's go, sco...

Somebody fucking broke into
my place last night

and left this... I don't know
what the fuck this is, but...

- fuck, dude.
- Shh!

- Have you tried drinkin' it?
- No. What?

I'll grab your camera
and I'll get a close-up.

Go ahead and take
a little sip.

This is your documentary, kid.

This is one
of those opportunities,

you know what I mean?

I'm not going to drink this.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Promise you'll be fine.

- Okay, if you're gonna be...
- Just a little sip,

just a little sip.

Nothing's gonna happen.

Yeah, just a sip.

And then look at camera
right after.

I'm not gonna... like...

I have no idea
what it's gonna be, I can't...

If I thought for one second
it was harmful to you,

absolutely not.

I'm not a monster.

There you go, cheers it.

- Cheers.
- Cheers, buddy, there you go,

let's try it.

There's my big boy.

There we go.

(coughs)

- What did it taste like?
- I don't know, ugh.

Okay, lemme see your eyes.

Let me see your eyes,
look your eyes into the camera.

Open them wide.

Open 'em wide.

- What?
- Oh.

What?

It's not poison, kid.

- They're not trying to kill you.
- What the fuck, dude?

You thought that
was gonna be poison?

Ah, you never know.

Could it be, like,
a late onset?

Like, am I... are you sure
I'm gonna be okay?

Yeah, it could be, but
I wouldn't worry about it, kid.

Should I go to a... like,
should we go to a hospital?

No, no!

I got a place we're going.

Where?

You'll just have to follow me
with your camera and find out.

Should I go to the hospital,
like, for real,

just to see, like, if it...
if anything else...

if something's bad?

I don't want something
to be bad inside of me.

Kid, you are totally fine, okay?

Hey, stay with me here, kid.

You're all good, baby.

You're all good.

Did it look cool, like,
when I drank it?

It looked so cool, kid,
you're gonna look so cool.

How the fuck
do we get outta here?

♪ ♪

This is where the coordinates
lead, pal, right here.

We're gonna catch these fuckers
red-handed, huh, buddy?

I don't fucking see
anything, dude.

It looks like
an empty shitty house.

(dogs barking)

What are those dogs barking at?

Why do you think
they broke into my place?

Why do I think they did that?

- Yeah.
- Probably because

we're getting close.

Fuckin' L.A.

Don't you wanna be
a famous director?

Women, pussy, titties?

Fuckin' golf whenever you want?

I don't golf, dude, and
this isn't fucking good shit.

I'm not getting anything.

I'm getting you
staring at nothing.

Hey. We're gonna get something.

All right? I promise you that.

This is the place.

This is where
the coordinates were.

I didn't rip fuckin'
Hippie Joe's floor up

for nothing.

I do feel bad about that,
for the record.

Looks empty to me.

But these are the coordinates!

I'm not staying here all day.

I'll show you it's empty.

Hey, kid, wait.

Wait! They'll see you! Hold on.

Kid, hey, get back here!
They'll see you!

(car door closes)

♪ ♪

No one's here.

♪ ♪

All right, Mr. Robert
"Finding cults is my hobby,"

let me prove you were
wasting my time.

(whistling)

Take a look.
Completely empty.

No lights on. No cars.

Looks completely abandoned.

(vines rustling)

Ow. Pricker. Ow!

Fuck roses.

Locked gate.

♪ ♪

I just showed you
the footage. Rob.

No one is home. It's empty.

They are busy
breaking into my place.

I know.

It's not cool.

I didn't sign up for this.

I don't feel safe anymore.

Tyler...

the reason you don't feel safe
is because you're a pussy,

and the reason you're a pussy

is because you don't know
how to defend yourself.

And I do want to help you
with that.

I need you to stick with me,
kid.

Okay?

Stick with me,

and I'm gonna teach you
how to defend yourself.

By the time I'm done,

you're gonna be having people
piss blood

that break into your house.

(bicycle bell rings)

Okay?

- Okay, it's...
- But I need you

to stay here with me.

We're on to something,
I promise you that.

- Okay?
- All right.

- It sounds kinda cool.
- Yeah, it's really cool.

Especially the first time
you do it.

Now, I know these are
the coordinates.

I know this is the place.

That might be the case,

but right now,
it's empty, dude.

That's what's throwing me off.

(static)

♪ ♪

(Tyler grunts)

All right, Rob,
I'm ready to fuckin' fight.

I'm ready to fuckin'...
fuckin' do this.

You hear that?

♪ ♪

The wild animals,
and a quinceañera,

But the wild animals,
they're listening,

because their life
depends on it, okay?

Now, your life someday
very well might depend

on what I'm about to teach you,

so I need you to listen, okay?

Now.

One punch.

Two punches is for cowards.

Real men,
it only takes one.

How does that sound, right?

- Yeah, I wanna fuckin'...
- One punch, okay?

Nobody's fuckin' breakin' in
to my house again!

Yeah! Nobody's breakin' in
to your house again.

Now, what you wanna do
is you wanna take this fist,

and you wanna put right through
the bottom of the ribcage,

right there.

You wanna hit 'em really hard
right there, okay?

Lemme see your fist.

You wanna hit it right there.

Yeah. Dude,
that kinda hurt already.

That already hurt, right?

So that's the first part.

Okay.

The second part... why don't
you put your hood on?

Okay, why am I
putting my hood on?

- (sharp grunt)
- Oh, fuck!

- (coughing)
- Deception!

♪ ♪

You're not gonna like what comes
out of your pee-pee hole, kid.

♪ ♪

What the fuck's gonna come
out of my pee-pee hole?

♪ ♪

(static)

(engine hums)

(engine idles)

Hey, kid.

You did good today, all right?

And don't worry,
we're gonna get 'em.

Now. If you're gonna be
following me around,

I can't have you
looking like a hobo.

I had my girl over in the bazaar
in Little Armenia

make you this shirt custom.

Wear it, okay?

- Thanks?
- Now get outta here.

Get outta here.
I got stuff to do.

(door closes)

(engine revs)

(Tyler grunts)

(exclaims)

What a day.

(keys jangling,
gate slams)

(whistling)

(footsteps echo)

(echoed whistling
abruptly stops)

Anybody here?

(footsteps)

(eerie noise)

Hello?

(echoed squeak)

Hello!

(footsteps)

(echoed whistling)

(loud thunk)

Hello?

(running footsteps)

Nope!

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

Nope!

Nope.

Nope, nope, nope, nope,
nope, nope, nope, nope...

(door slides open)

(insects chirring)

(footsteps)

(faint sounds from television)

(lock disengages,
door creaks open)

Hey, Nova.

(whimpering)

Leia!

(door closes)

You home?

♪ ♪

Babe?

♪ ♪

(electrical buzzing)

♪ ♪

Babe?

♪ ♪

(sharp thudding)

♪ ♪

(knocking)

♪ ♪

(pounding)

♪ ♪

(intermittent knocking)

♪ ♪

Jesus, it took you long enough.

Okay; right place, wrong time.

Let's go.

Good job, you didn't break
rule number one.

Let's go!

How do you get outta here?

♪ ♪

Let's check it out, kid.

(car door closes)

♪ ♪

All right, kid.

You can hop this, right?

No, I cannot.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

Wow.

I'll squeeze through the gate.

Thank God you weren't
in Sumatra in '04.

Up, up, and away.

(grunts)

♪ ♪

Shh!

♪ ♪

Rob! Do you see anything?

Nothing. Let's keep going.

(bottle clatters)

Goddammit, kid. Watch it!

Okay.

Okay, kid, let's go check
over there, come on.

With me, let's go.

Come on.

Get over here.

Okay.

Come on, kid.

Kid, kid, kid, come here.

Try to get in there,
try to get in there.

Go around.

♪ ♪

This is what eternity
looks like, kid.

♪ ♪

Hey! All the lights
in the front houses are on.

(squeaking, clattering)

Rob, you're gonna get us caught!

♪ ♪

Did you just...

Yeah. I pulled out a pipe.

♪ ♪

Oh my God, this is it, kid.

This is it.

♪ ♪

(eerie chanting
in foreign language)

♪ ♪

(dramatic musical chord)

Oh, shit!

Run, run, go, go!

- Oh my God. Oh my God.
- Let's go. Hurry up!

Run, run, run!

Rob, run! Run, run, run.

Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go.

♪ ♪

Holy shit, they're coming.

Oh my God, oh my God,
oh my God.

They're coming,
they're coming...

Come on,
what's taking so long?

I'm stuck!

Well, squeeze your fat ass
through!

I can't get through,
I can't get through.

- Get me outta here!
- Push, push!

- I'm pushing.
- Well, push harder!

Pull harder!

They're coming, they're coming,
they're coming,

they're coming...

(car door closes,
engine revs)

You better have got that
on camera, kid.

(tires squealing)

♪ ♪

Kid, just tell me
one more time.

Did you get that on camera?

I got it on camera.

(sighing)

Damn, kid.

I fucking love you.

Come over here.

That was it.

She was the sacrifice,
and that is a damn shame

because she wasn't
too bad looking.

She had bloody eyes.

Yeah.

She did.

Well, through that glory hole

that I blew through
the side of the wall,

we were able to get a glimpse
into their existence.

Not just their existence.

One of their most sacred
rituals, for God's sakes.

This is huge.

I don't want to scare you, kid,

but things might start
getting more dangerous.

Right here, we have
the coordinates, all right?

Starting at the three
we have coordinates.

This was their first ritual.

Now, we came down,
we missed that one.

We weren't there on time.

This is the second one.

Coordinates. Right,
you got these four numbers.

So, right here,
it's reverse military time.

2-1-3-0. Reverse that.

What time is it?

The exact time
that we were there.

Not really a Scotch guy.

Dude, I'm not gonna
fucking drink this.

Cheers, kid.

Hey, kid, look at this.

Look at my balancing skills.

♪ ♪

(flatulence ripping)

I do what I want, Rob.

This is my movie.

♪ ♪

- Talking to yourself?
- What? No, I'm talking...

I'm just editing footage
for Rob.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

This looks pretty gnarly.

Yeah, he is an ugly guy.

No, that's not what I meant.

I meant, like,
this is some crazy shit.

He spent all of his life,

like, just trying
to follow cults.

This is all pretend.

It's not real.

- Don't be worried.
- I don't know.

It's all just a bunch of stuff
to sell books.

- It's nothing.
- I don't...

You got to be careful
with that stuff.

It's all for show.

This cult isn't that hardcore.

Yeah, I'm sleeping
with the lights on tonight.

♪ ♪

(clattering)

♪ ♪

(clattering)

♪ ♪

(static crackling)

♪ ♪

(unintelligible)

♪ ♪

(static crackling)

Damn it, it's the screen door.

Holy shit.

♪ ♪

Oh my God!

What the... what the...

♪ ♪

Okay, I have you on camera.

Do you want to talk about this?

Do you want a spritzer?

Do you want a soda?

I don't have any soda.

Cutting down on sugar.

I don't know
what the fuck you want.

Get the fuck...

(grunting, coughing)

♪ ♪

Where...

What the... what the...

Where...

♪ ♪

(clattering)

Ah, fuck me.

Fuck.

Hey, Rob, we need to stop,

people are breaking into my
house.

This is not... I can't...
I can't do this anymore.

That was good,
that was the one.

That's the one,
go with that one.

I got to talk to you
seriously, Rob.

Yeah?

I don't know
if I can do this anymore.

Oh, kid, come on,
don't give me that.

Somebody broke into my place
yesterday again,

and this time
they fucking attacked me.

Did they attack you
with weapons?

No. He, like...

Kid, this is a good thing.

This means we're getting close.

This is great news.

Hop in the car.

Let's go!

Okay, kid, this is
a good thing, all right?

There's no version
where this is a good thing.

Like, someone came
into my place, attacked me.

I don't feel safe anymore.

I'm not... you're not
even fucking paying me.

Kid, look at me.

When was one time in your life

that you actually did
feel safe?

I don't know
how to answer that, Rob.

Exactly. Never.

And we both know why.

Okay, so it doesn't take
a lot to scare you.

But believe me, when you start
getting close to shit,

people start messing
with you more, man.

That's how this works.

I told you it was
gonna be dangerous.

Now we are on the trail.

Okay?

You're a badass filmmaker.

You're a documentarian,
dammit.

So now is not the time to quit.

Now is the time to throw it
into fourth gear, baby.

All right?

Fourth gear? No.

♪ ♪

Overdrive.

♪ ♪

Got to get some gas here
real quick, Tyler.

No, bitch, keep going.

Keep fucking going.

No, I'm staying here.

You keep on moving.

It's like an 80-year-old woman
in there.

I know. Fucking old people,
right?

(beeping)

What?

That's that fucking car
from the other night,

right there, guaranteed.

That's it! I need you to go
in there and look inside.

See if you find anything.

- What? Me?
- Just go open the door.

You think that piece of shit
has locks that work on it?

Look at the bumper.
Of course it doesn't.

Just go open the door,
peek inside.

I'm gonna watch the door
of the food mart

to make sure he doesn't
come out and get you, okay?

- No, I'll be on watch.
- And I'm gonna film you.

This is gonna be your moment.

You're gonna look
so fucking cool.

- You're gonna film it?
- I'm gonna film you.

You are gonna look
so cool, man.

- Come on.
- That would be...

It will be really cool, right?

- Okay. All right.
- Yes. Okay.

No, I can't do it, I can't.

If he comes out,
I'll protect you. Go.

- I can't fucking do this, dude.
- Just go.

Look inside!

Give me the camera.

Go, go!

Go. Go, Tyler, go.

You got this.

You're the best.

Go, go, go.

Yeah.

Come on, there we go.

The coast is clear, kid,
come on. Let's go.

Get your little dirty ass
in that truck.

Yes! I knew
it would be unlocked.

All right, there you go.

Bada bing, bada boom.

What the hell
is taking so long, kid?

Come on, you should've
been out of there by now.

Wait, no, why are you looking
in the tr...

Okay, yeah, check the bed
of the truck.

Wait, now where
you going now, kid?

Kid, what the hell
are you doing?

You don't need to go
to the other door.

What the fuck is he doing?

Are you lost?

A little bit faster, a little
sense of urgency here, kid,

come on, let's go.

Wait a second, that looks
like he could be the guy.

Wait, that is the guy.

That's the son of a bitch
right there.

Okay, let's get the fuck
out of here, dude.

Fuck, just fucking
get out of here.

Fucking insane as shit.

Look cool, be cool, man,
be cool.

Why aren't we driving?
Why aren't we driving yet?

Let's go.

(engine puttering)

♪ ♪

All right, kid,
settle the fuck down.

- You got one?
- I fucking got something, dude.

- You got it?
- Yeah.

What did you get?

What'd the inside of his car
look like?

There was garbage everywhere.

It looked like there would be
garbage everywhere.

- Is he following us?
- Doubt it.

How do you know?

Well, actually, I don't know.

This cult seems crafty.

Pull over.
Let me fucking show you.

Okay.

Hold on (indistinct)

Yeah, we're good.

Nobody is on our tail.

- Let's see what you got.
- I don't know,

there was a bunch of shit
in his car,

but this looked like
it could be something.

What do you got here?

♪ ♪

What do you think it is?

♪ ♪

I have no idea.

♪ ♪

But I know somebody who will.

♪ ♪

We got to get my bolo tie.

Am I going too fast?
I can't even hear you, kid.

You got to stay up with me.
Let's go, come on.

- You're, like, power walking.
- I got to get changed.

Is that yours?

Yeah, don't worry
about the car.

- Sweet.
- Yeah, ain't too bad.

That's a 1970 Cougar.

- Can I drive it?
- No, absolutely not.

So these are the cars
I'm working on right now.

This is a 1971
VW Beetle Baja.

- Nice.
- So they...

What we got here is I chopped
the whole back end off

so I could just slam
a big old, uh,

what is it, 1915cc engine
onto it.

It's beautiful.

And, uh, changed out
all this stuff:

the interior, dash,
front tie rods.

And, then, back here
I got a Jaguar.

So, uh, when you're at home,
you just...

this is what you do,
you just fix cool cars?

Yeah.

I don't even drive 'em
half the time after I finish.

- Why do you do it?
- I don't know.

I just like working on 'em, kid.

Something about it, I guess.

Just calms me down.

Can I drive it?

No. No.

God, no, kid,
these engines are huge.

Why isn't this
in any of your books?

Ah...

I got to go change.

Wait there.

And don't touch anything.

(static crackling)

(clattering)

"Rrr."

(laughing)

I'm Rob. I fix things.

Bo, bo, bo.

Click, click, click.

Ah!

(laughing)

That's right, Rob.

All right.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-choo!

Oh, hey.

What you doing over there?

Need a ride?

Yeah, it's mine.

I put it together myself.

I fix cars, you know.

It's just a hobby.

It's what I do
in my spare time.

What are you doing, kid?

You know, playing,
playing around.

This is a cool car
you got here.

Really cool car.

Yeah, this baby will go
off-roading in the desert.

Baja Bugs,
really versatile vehicles.

So, are you ready to go?

Ready to go. Hop in.

- Let's get out of here.
- Where are we going?

- I'm driving.
- Oh, yeah?

Where are we going
in your imagination?

Uh, kind of just
picked up a lady.

Maybe she has a friend,
you know.

Two ladies, I like it.

Do you know how to drive
stick shift?

Uh, no, I do not,
unfortunately.

Mm.

How do you not know
how to drive stick shift?

I feel like
that's like a thing

a dad teaches his son,
you know?

I never really...

My dad wasn't... I didn't
really have a dad growing up,

so I didn't
really get to learn

how to drive stick shifts

or play baseball.

You were raised by your mother?

- Yeah.
- That makes sense.

What is that supposed to mean?

It's not a bad thing.
It just means you're, you know,

in touch with your feelings
and...

And that's...

♪ ♪

That's good.

You know, it's a lot harder
to teach compassion

and vulnerability
than it is to teach somebody

how to drive stick shift
or work on a car, you know?

So those are strengths
that you have

even though
you might not think so.

And I don't fully think so,
but...

...there is some strength

in having those qualities.

Uh, think you could teach me
how to drive stick shift?

Absolutely, kid.
I'll tell you what,

when we get back
from this thing,

I'm gonna teach you
how to drive a stick shift.

No problem, you're gonna be
driving stick shift

in ten minutes.

And I'll teach you what, uh,
everything on this engine is.

Coil, distributor cap.

I don't care about that.

I mostly just want to drive
your car.

Also, I put these clamps
on my nipples

and I think they are filled
with electricity, so...

♪ ♪

Nice glasses, Rob.

You look, uh, kind of nerdy.

I like it.

Okay, get it all...
get it all out right now.

Get it out right now.
I have to wear 'em

for long car rides.

It's a curse.

So do you really know someone

who can identify this gemstone?

Yes, I know a woman.

Who?

- My wife.
- Who?

My wife.

Are you... are you saying a name?
I can't hear...

My wife, Tyler, okay.

My wife.

You have a wife?

Yes, I do have a wife.

I had no idea.
Are you guys separated?

- What's the deal?
- No. Yes.

- Ooh.
- But we're only separated

because Jackie Bear
hasn't forgiven me

and taken me back yet,
that's the only reason.

Jackie Bear.

Don't you ever say Jackie Bear.

It's Miss goddamn Regis to you.

Okay?

Sure, sorry. I mean...

Yeah, okay.

Do you think she can help?

Do you think she can
check out this gemstone?

Yes, she's gonna... she's gonna
be able to help.

But what about you?
Do you got a girlfriend?

Uh, yeah.

Is she a pillow, Tyler?

No, she's a person.

- She's real?
- Yeah.

Okay, so she's not a pillow?

She is absolutely not a pillow.

Okay, okay, all right.

That sounds good.

Why are we pulling over?

I don't ever want you
to let your girlfriend go,

your fake girlfriend, but when
you find a real girlfriend,

I don't ever want you
to let her go, okay?

Listen to me right now,
this is important.

Two reasons.

One...

The loss of one's true love

is the act of drowning
on dry land

in a stream of endless tears
that form in the ocean

and then that ocean
is your heart

and your soul that lives
on a tiny little island.

And it's a sad, sad place.

That was shockingly poetic, Rob.

Where did you learn that from?

I read it on a Beanie Baby
that Jackie Bear gave me.

And number two:

I don't think you would
ever find another pillow

that will accept you
for who you are.

- She's not a pillow.
- She is a pillow, my friend.

She is as not a pillow
as it gets.

She's a human being.

Okay, okay.

Let's get going here.

All right.

You know,
since you're such a wise sage

about advice
on relationships and love,

why don't we talk
about the Abaddon disciples

and how fucking cool
it would be to live forever?

It would not be cool
to live forever, Tyler.

What are you talking about?

Dying is like
the scariest thing in the world.

Tyler, I embrace it.

I'm not scared of it.

I know it will come my way
eventually.

And let me tell you something,
when it does,

I'm not gonna go out
like some bitch.

I ain't going out
with old age.

I ain't going out
with syphilis.

I saw how that shit works
over on the islands.

I'm gonna have
my goddamn head bashed in.

I'm gonna have my guts
ripped out, Tyler.

That's how I'm going out.

Mm, 'kay, well, not me.

I'll take never dying.

Well, guess what, Tyler,
if you never died,

pretty soon
you would find yourself

in a habitation pod on Mars
masturbating relentlessly

because you got
nothing better to do.

Could be worse.

My Jackie Bear's humble abode.

She's gonna be so pumped
to see me.

(knocking)

Jackie Bear?

Jackie Bear...

Oh, shit!

You're so beautiful.

- Ugh.
- You're so beautiful.

I love what you did
with your hair.

I love what you're wearing.

God.

I have missed you so much.

I really have.

I'm so happy to see you.

- Really?
- I am.

What do you want?

I would like to be
part of your life again.

I love this.

I love your little
shitty trailer.

I love... I love it, okay?

It just...

It feels like a home.

I'm not gonna lie,
it makes it really hard for me

to look at you right now,

realizing I left
such a beautiful woman.

- Hm.
- Yes.

So my intelligence
or my knack for rocks

or any of my degrees
doesn't matter?

It's just my boobs?

Ah, it's...

...all of it.

And...

And I've always loved you,
and I'm sorry, okay?

He did say great things
about you in the car.

Really?

Tyler, has he told you
some stories?

Some good ones.

There was that one time
in Mexico, remember,

when you ended up
running around bare-ass

with a bottle of tequila
hanging out of it?

Hey.

It was really, really beautiful.

Why don't you tell Tyler about
the whiskey bottle up there?

You mean tequila bottle.

Cheers to that.

- Come on.
- There's the door. Go.

Baby, there's something
really good here.

And I love you,

and I've always loved you,
and I'm sorry, okay?

What would change?

Everything would change.

Everything.

Everything.
I would pick you first.

Okay, I would never pick
my work over you.

I would always do
what you want to do.

We would chase your dreams.

And, I mean, what do you want
to change?

What else?

You would be first.

It would be Jackie Bear first.

That would be
the Rob Regis policy,

Jackie Bear first.

And I wore
your favorite bolo tie.

- Yeah.
- Okay?

And... and on top of that,
I think I found something.

I really did.

I did! I really think I did.

- I brought a camera crew even.
- Yeah, mm-hm.

I brought this here
for you to look at

because I think
you're gonna find it exciting.

So, that's why you're here.

No. I mean, it's a byproduct
of why I'm here.

Now...

(sighing)

Take a look.

Is it another rock
from a pet store?

No.

I look at this,
you sign the papers?

Done.

Okay.

Well, it's shiny,
that's for sure.

It's...

It's...

♪ ♪

Um...

Where did you get this?

Do you think
it's Old Testament?

Why would you
specifically ask that?

Because I think it might belong

to one of the disciples
of Abaddon.

(sighing)

I know it's crazy,
it might not even exist.

But I really think
I'm on to something here.

Is it possible?

It is possible,

but what you are chasing
might as well be Bigfoot.

They don't exist.
It's the Loch Ness Monster.

How did you get your hands
on something like this?

Oh my gosh, you really think
I got something?

I do. I... I overwhelmingly do,
but I am shocked

that you would have
such a thing.

Yes, Tyler, you hear that?

Okay, baby, number one,

I will never sign
my divorce papers,

absolutely not,
because I love you.

I'm coming back for you
after I check this out.

Mwah! Tyler, let's go!

Grab my hat.

Tyler...

♪ ♪

Sometimes, you go looking
for something,

something your heart aches for

and dreams guide us to.

The search could take years,

all in pursuit
of this one specific thing

that we feel matters
more than anything.

And after all that searching
and exploring,

you find something else,

and that something else
is incredible,

way more special than
what the original thing

you were looking for was.

That's what happened to me.

And I was in pursuit
of something incredible,

a rare gemstone hidden
in an ancient Macedonian temple

tucked away in a little corner
of the world.

Instead, I found him.

♪ ♪

And he was special.

♪ ♪

Is...

...that the tequila bottle?

♪ ♪

(warbling, crackling)

(rattling)

(smacking)

(clunking)

Babe.

- Babe.
- What?

I hear something.

It's fucking scary.

Something scary
is always happening to you.

(smacking)

(slamming)

- Babe.
- I will punch you in the face.

Seriously, babe,
there's something in the house.

(clunking)

♪ ♪

(clattering)

♪ ♪

(scraping)

♪ ♪

(static crackling)

(scraping)

♪ ♪

(scraping continues)

♪ ♪

(door opening)

(chanting)

♪ ♪

(warbling, crackling)

What's your spirit animal, kid?

Uh...

Giraffe maybe?

No, wrong.

Why, what do you think?

You already know
what my spirit animal is?

I know exactly
what your spirit animal is.

- What?
- You're a doe.

- A doe?
- Yeah.

That's what you are.

- What are you?
- You know what I am?

- Yeah, what?
- I'm a hybrid.

- What?
- I'm a wolf

combined with a boar.

That is me. Wolf boar.

(chuckles)

♪ ♪

All right, wolf boar,

what's the deal
with this last ritual?

So this is the last
and most important ritual.

It's the ritual where Abaddon
allegedly materializes

and gives immortality
to cult members.

Until they perform this
all over,

legend is the cult,
including the newest member

that was just recruited,
sacrifices someone

tearing apart their flesh,
and then consumed with evil,

Abaddon gains the power
that keeps the spirit alive.

♪ ♪

Speaking of spirits,

did you really have a bottle
stuck up your ass?

Hm.

Uh...

♪ ♪

- How'd that happen?
- No.

No, I didn't.

Why would she make that up?

♪ ♪

Look how nice it is out.

♪ ♪

- It's a beauty.
- All right,

let's change the subject.

Nature.

♪ ♪

Perfect place for a cult.

Let's go.

Hold on, Rob.

Give me a sec... Rob,
give me a second.

I got to fix my camera,
it's acting funny.

(static crackling)

Rob...

(grunting)

Hold on.

Really tough to walk here.

Here, give me your hand.

Are you rolling?

I'm always rolling.

How far in do you think it is?

I don't know.

(crickets chirring)

(bell ringing)

(heavy breathing)

Oh.

Oh, kid.

Kid, I need to borrow
your inhaler.

I don't have an inhaler.

Really?

You look like someone
who would have an inhaler.

Okay.

(crumbling)

Did you hear that?

Do you think
they came this way?

Don't know.

Maybe not.

(bell ringing)

Did you hear that?

(bell ringing)

You hear that?

(static crackling)

Under the bridge now.

(static crackling)

I don't think anyone's there.

Get down.

Get back in here.

(footsteps)

(bell ringing)

(creaking, footsteps)

(bell ringing)

(bell ringing)

(bell ringing)

(grunting)

We were looking for them,
but they found us.

Come on, kid.

Uh, Rob, what are
these creepy graves?

I think it's for
the sacrificed.

(cracking)

(bell ringing)

♪ ♪

(intermittent ringing continues)

♪ ♪

(heavy breathing)

♪ ♪

(heavy breathing)

♪ ♪

Is that an Abaddon footprint?

No. Scarier.

Mountain lion.

♪ ♪

See this? These fuckers put
their symbol on everything.

We're going the right way, kid.

♪ ♪

All right, kid.

♪ ♪

Set the camera down
for a second.

And take my jacket.

Don't mess this up.

It's my prized possession.

I want an epic shot
of both of us

right before we catch
this last ritual

and blow this story open.

You look great in that shirt,
by the way.

Yeah, thanks
for getting it for me.

Yeah, I think they're
over in that direction.

Kidney punch.

Thanks for teaching me that,
Rob.

(smacking, grunting)

(exhaling)

(static crackling)

Rob, Rob...

Rise and shine, buddy.

Why, Tyler?

I told you I'd do anything
for immortality.

I wasn't joking.

Don't worry.

Every hundred years,

I'll watch this movie we made
and think of you.

Ow, pricker.

Say hi to Abaddon for me.

Tyler?

What?

Any last words?

Tell my wife I love her...

...and I'm sorry about Mexico.

(heavy breathing, grunting)

(shouting)

♪ ♪

Do I believe in that
black magic hoodoo?

No, absolutely not.

But when I catch them,
and I fucking will,

my name will become legend.

Robert fucking Regis.

♪ ♪

Cool story, right?

Crazy ending.

And to think I made it all up.

None of that was true.

Also, you like the necklace?

I do too.

I stole it from this tr...

I mean, bought it
from a necklace store.

Anyhow, I'll see you
in the future.

♪ ♪

(slurping)

♪ ♪

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull