All language subtitles for 07 - Food For Thought_eng

- How's it looking?
- (James) Oh, it's not bad.

Nasty thing, though, foot rot. Still, I'll give
you some ointment. That'll clear it up.

So, er, I've got to,

er…?

You'll have to apply it yourself, yes.
Sorry, Bernard.

Right. If you hold onto her, I'll put on
the ointment. You can see how it's done.

Oh.

Oh! Still doing your famous
Roy Rogers impersonation, then?

Why, it's been a godsend, this notion.

I never wear it
but what I think of you, Mr Herriot.

Best farming tip I ever had.

It's a terrible handicap,
having sensitive nostrils.

Yes. Yes, I'm sure it is.

Right. Let's get on with it, shall we?

There.

- Are you all right?
- Aye.

Good.

- Hello, Miss Wain.
- (grunts)

That ewe will be up and off if you don't
get a decent grip on her, Bernard.

(James) We are managing, Miss Wain.

What is it, then? Foot rot?

Aye, it's foot rot, all right.

Bernard, if you could just look down
and see what I'm doing…

He's wasted your time and our money.
Anybody could've seen to that.

- Except our Bernard.
- Well…

- It wasn't exactly a straightforward case.
- No?

Oh, no. Any number of complications
could have set in.

Udder rotting, for example.

Oh. Well, he wouldn't have known
what that was either, would he?

He's useless.

Ah. Wonderful things,
antibiotics, aren't they?

Oh, it's a miracle, Mr Farnon.

She's well.

It's a transformation.

She's a new dog.

I shouldn't say "miracle",
cos I'm not a churchgoer.

No, I believe in God
with an extra o. Good.

There's such a thing as providence,
a pattern some way.

- You can see it.
- Well, she does seem…

It's as if there was
a force somewhere that said:

"This creature is important,"
which she is, to me.

"She shall not die."

I really can't thank you enough.

It's wonderful.

Yes. You're a good girl, aren't you?

And quite sound again.

I've no idea.

But she's well. You can see.
The distemper's quite gone.

Mrs Davey, would you come
and sit down here for a moment?

Come on, April. Come on.

And listen.

Oh, yes. I like our little talks.

Yes. Well, now, what I've done…

what we have achieved is to get rid
of the secondary bacterial infection.

Bacteria. Yes, I remember.

Uh-huh. But the virus, the real threat
to life, is still there under the surface -

hidden from our eyes,
but still active in all probability.

That's how it is with distemper.

I'll put my faith in providence,

and you, Mr Farnon.

Between the two of you,
it will be all right.

But there may yet be a setback.
That's what I'm saying, Mrs Davey.

But all dogs don't die of distemper.
You said so yourself.

No, not all, but a great many do. Now,
where are we? We're just a month in.

You see, that's the most critical period.

So if she starts to twitch or seem nervous
in any way… Do you remember?

Yes, but she hasn't.

And she won't.

If she seems to you to be ill at all,
you won't hesitate to call me, will you?

No, I won't. You know that.

Right.

So, then, we'll just trust to luck,
Mrs Davey, do you see?

Not luck, Mr Farnon.

Providence.

- Come on.
- (sighs)

- Goodbye, Mr Farnon.
- Goodbye, Mrs Davey.

- Come on.
- Goodbye.

Now, then.

Next, please.

Do you wish to see a vet, sir,

or are you here solely that one may
admire your extraordinary suit?

Sanitary inspector.
We have reason to believe

that these premises
have become infested.

Infested? Who…?

By what?!

By me.

- Stewie Brannan! I almost…
- (laughs)

My dear man,
how very, very wonderful!

Oh, it was a stupid prank, but worth it
just to hear that tone in your voice.

Profound apologies, Stewie,
but really, your suit!

I apologise for it myself sometimes.

Second-hand, I'm afraid,
but it is my best.

- Handsome.
- Handsome!

I tell you what we'll do.

We'll get Mrs Alton to make us
a cup of tea. What do you say?

Oh, Mrs Alton.
Yes, I remember you saying.

The touch of genius
with the kettle and pot.

Pure nectar. You'll see.

What is it that brings you
to our neck of the woods this time?

Well, l… I was just on my way
back from London and…

- London?
- Yes.

It's Tristan, isn't it?
That's why you're here. Is he all right?

Tristan? No idea.

I was at the conference there.

Oh, um, Professional Conduct
and Ethical Considerations.

- Yes, that's right.
- You're a braver man than I am.

Well, they… (clears throat)
They asked me to speak, you see.

- Did they really?
- Mm.

Well, I must hear about that.

Ah, Mrs Alton. I have with me
my good friend Mr Brannan.

- (phone rings)
- We require…

Tea? Possibility?

I'm so sorry, Stewie.
You know what it's like.

- Yes, of course.
- Hello?

Yes, it is.

Oh, Mr Smethwick.

Oh, has he?

Yes, I'll be right out there
straight away. Bye.

The tea. I'm afraid I've got
to put some stitches in a ram.

- Do you want to come?
- I'd love to.

- One more for lunch?
- Thank you.

One more for lunch, Mrs Alton,
if that's not too much of a burden.

Uh, Mrs Alton.

Mr Brannan.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

- It's a lovely day, isn't it?
- The Lord's own.

What? Oh, yes, yes, I suppose it is.

- Well, it's… it's very good of you to, um…
- (Siegfried) Stewie!

Yes, yes, I'm coming. Coming.

Er, see you later. Bye.

So, Stewie, I'm curious. What did you
actually say at the conference?

Oh, this and that.
It was quite well received, anyway.

Professor Norton was good enough
to say it was like a breath of fresh air.

Norton? Not EA Norton?
Good grief! ls he still going?

Oh, absolutely.

So, you actually managed to have
a few words with the great man himself?

(man) He's a law unto himself, is Bertie.

He knows me and Jim and t' dogs.
We're best left to ourselves.

- That's what I thought.
- Let's fetch him.

Right, then, Stewie.
Get working.

Here we go.

Oops.

Do you know, I was reading
one of Norton's papers the other day.

What an astonishing
thirst for knowledge!

- Hm?
- Mm.

- Did you get on all right with him?
- Oh, famously. He, er…

He mentioned he was coming up to
Yorkshire for some seminar on livestock.

I was rather drunk.

I invited him to dinner.

To stay the night,
as a matter of fact.

Did he accept?

Oh, yes.

Unfortunately.

- Unfortunately?
- Mm.

- He was sober.
- (laughs)

You see, Meg's away with the children
just now, so it might be a bit tricky.

I… I wouldn't say I was ashamed
of my cooking, or the house itself.

Well, not exactly, but…

Professor Norton might be in
for something of a shock, you felt?

Yes.

I seem to recall I specified black tie.

It may have given him
the wrong impression.

I could see that it might.

- All right?
- Mm-hm.

Shall I hold it back for you?
Here they come.

Come on. Come on.

- (Stewie) Open up.
- (Siegfried) OK.

- Ey up.
- Come on, boy!

- (Stewie) Come here, you…!
- (Smethwick) Mind that fence, sir. Oh.

Good move, Stewie.
Are you all right?

- (Smethwick) ls he hurt?
- I'm fine.

When you've finished stitching Bertie up,
you'll have to have a go at my jacket, eh?

I'm out of practice, I'm afraid. We don't
have many horned beasties in the city.

(laughter)

Anyway, it was an heroic feat, Stewie.

- And with considerable sartorial expense.
- I wouldn't say that.

Mrs Alton would.
She's working on your jacket.

If she can sew as well as she can cook,
it'll be better than new. Oh!

That chutney is home-made,
I suppose?

- Yup. Mrs Alton's best.
- Oh, I simply can't…

(jacket rips)

Oh, not again.
I'm terribly sorry, Siegfried.

- Well…
- It's my jacket, actually.

I simply grabbed the first one
that came to hand. I'm sorry.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry, James.
- It doesn't matter, Stewie.

- Not a favourite, I hope?
- Well…

Chutney?

No, no, no. Not now.
I can't be bothered.

That meal was absolutely delicious.

And here is she we have to thank for it.
A feast for the gods, Mrs Alton.

I've done what I can
and sponged it down.

Oh, now, that's wonderful.

And this lunch was first-rate.

You're a marvel.

I suppose there's the most incredible
pudding? Something spongy, I hope?

Yum, yum, cat's bum? (laughs)

- (phone rings)
- Ah! I'll get it.

With any luck,
it'll be a calving, miles away.

Something I said?

No, not what you said, Stewie,

but when your hand…

Well, it came into contact
with an area of Mrs Alton

that for a great many years has felt
nothing more untoward than a bus seat.

Oh! (laughs) I'm sorry.

Hope it hasn't interfered
with her culinary expertise.

Yes, yes, so do l. You see, one of
the reasons I came here today, Siegfried,

was to ask, as a favour,

if I could have the use of Skeldale
and Mrs Alton for my dinner party.

I didn't know how I was going to ask.

What with being of use this morning
and spoiling my best suit…

There is no need to elaborate.

I wondered if you could make up
the numbers yourself, Siegfried.

- Did you?
- That is, if you have two dress suits.

I had to hire one in London. Do you
happen to have a couple of dress suits?

- Yes.
- Well, that would work out wonderfully!

Well. What is for pudding,
by the way? Hm?

James! James! Here.

Oh, sorry. I don't know whether
I'm coming or going this morning.

I'll let you off if next time you see Mr
Smethwick you order one of his chickens.

Er, yes. Yes, right. Now, wallet.

For Saturday the 15th. They are the best.
That's what we want, isn't it?

- Yes, I suppose so.
- Well, all things considered, I mean.

I'll need some petrol
when I get to Hargrove.

Yes, of course, darling. The best.
Right, bye.

Goodbye, James.

A little discussion? I see.

A little discussion
about what, Mr Farnon?

I think it's fairly safe to say, Mrs Alton,

that Mr Brannan is
one of my oldest friends.

- Is he?
- Yes. He is the most tremendous chap.

I can't begin to tell you
what a good sort he is,

how hard-working and generous
and impulsive…

I grant you that, he is impulsive.

I just hope yesterday's
unfortunate little incident

hasn't irrevocably coloured
your attitude towards him.

Sorry, Mr Farnon.
What incident is that?

Oh, well, he…

he had no intention…

Your, um…

I'm sorry, Mr Farnon. I don't understand
what you're referring to.

Don't you?

Well, onwards.

He's the most tremendous chap,
and he rather needs a favour from us.

- Well, from you, in fact.
- From me?

We're hoping you'd be able to help out

with a rather important dinner party
next Saturday week.

Mr Brannan and I have
a very special guest, you see.

A dinner party, on a Saturday,
for Mr Brannan.

Yes.

Well…

I don't shirk my work, Mr Farnon.
I do what I must do. You know that.

Indeed I do, Mrs Alton, indeed.

But I have to tell you that
I have been feeling a bit tired just lately.

- Oh, Lord, I am sorry.
- I've not been myself at all.

And every now and then, my work suffers.
Well, it's bound to.

Take this pastry now.
It's not going to be as good as it might.

- I can tell that already.
- Can you?

And now you're speaking of a dinner party
at the end of a long week.

Well, I may not be at my best.

Still, I'm sure you won't mind.

- I'll deal with the stitches next time.
- (Smethwick) Thanks, Mr Herriot.

(James) Pleasure.

- Oh, while I've got you, Mr Herriot…
- Yes.

..l've a cow you might look at for me,
i-if you've got the time.

Yes, of course. And while I've got you,
Mr Smethwick,

my wife said could you do us
a decent bird for Saturday?

- Eh?
- Please.

Oh, aye, right.

Fair dos, Mr Herriot, eh?

- Fair dos. (laughs)
- Thank you.

Right. First come, first served.
Mr Tappan.

Hang on a moment.

Mrs Davey.

Would you come in, please?

I'm sorry, Mr Tappan.
I shan't be a moment.

No April?

She's gone.

I'm so sorry.
Wouldn't you like to sit down, Mrs Davey?

I just wanted to see you
to tell you, like.

She was…
she was twitching in her sleep

and all frightened and funny,

and then she had a kind of fit.

Well, I know it's small comfort to you now,
Mrs Davey,

but I may say that April was fortunate.

The last stages of distemper
can take much, much longer.

I buried her myself in t' garden.

There were nobody I could ask.

That's funny.

I'm sorry it happened like this,

but you know the odds were against us
from the beginning.

I still don't believe it.

It's not right, in fact.

How could nature be so cruel
as to give us such false hopes?

There's no sentiment in nature.

But it just can't happen like that.

Perhaps you forgot something.
I don't know.

There must have been something
that could've saved her.

I promise you, Mrs Davey,
I did everything I possibly could.

I didn't want her to die either.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I know you did your best,
really I do.

We've enjoyed coming here.

It was nice to talk to somebody.

I hope we'll see lots more of you,
Mrs Davey. Professionally.

- Do you see what I mean?
- No, l-l'm sorry.

Well, you know, sometimes
providence needs a great big push

to start her off in the right direction. I think
you should get yourself another dog.

Oh, no, I couldn't!

Well, think about it.

Well, they're not right, are they? Well, it's
definitely some kind of digestive problem.

- What?
- Tummy upset, Bernard.

- Tummy, aye.
- You haven't changed their feed recently?

They get what you recommend yoursen.
I asked you most particular.

Well, it's not the feed, then.

You haven't got anything poisonous
here that they could get at?

No. I think I can swear to that.

What's this?

- Linseed porridge?
- Aye, that's right.

Have they had any today?

No. They're right off their feed.

No, I thought I might tempt them,
but they wouldn't take owt.

- Is it fresh?
- Aye. Made it up mesen.

- Yes, of course, but when?
- Last night.

Oh. Well, it's yesterday's, then.

No, it's for today.

I've had a lot on recently. I make it up at
night, then there's less to do in t' morning.

Well, don't.

What?

It'll be better for your calves
if you stop feeding them prussic acid.

- Prussic acid?
- When that's left,

it forms prussic acid. You don't want
to be known as the Hollerton poisoner.

Useless!

There hasn't been
that much damage done.

I'll leave them a drench. They'll be
as right as rain in a couple of days.

Diet is a very tricky business,
Miss Wain.

It's the sort of thing…
It could happen to anyone.

And it's happened to our Bernard.
Well, it would, wouldn't it?

Is there any chance of fish and chips
getting this prussic acid?

Cos our Bernard takes that long
to cycle back from Darrowby.

No, Miss Wain, no chance at all.

(Music hums)

All right? Hi, James.

Siegfried.

You were the last, weren't you? Shut
the outside door as you go, would you?

There's a good man.
James, you are a godsend.

- What?
- You're a godsend.

- Am I?
- Absolutely.

I've had an endless surgery

and the professor's train's due
in 15 minutes.

I'm due at Rowangarth in ten.
Sorry, Siegfried.

James, I really am
very, very pressed for time.

I've simply got to get changed. Stewie's
coming up the moment his locum arrives.

Can l… can I borrow that?

Thank you.

And he's asked if we will…

This is typical of Stewie.
He's an absolute wrecker.

You're not still brooding
about that jacket, are you?

What's an article of clothing
between friends?

All right, all right.
How will I recognise him, Siegfried?

He'll be the only
neatly dressed passenger

with a moustache and a suitcase
and an air of minor royalty.

Oh, splendid. If I'm late home,
Siegfried, I'm gonna blame you.

- Why don't you? You always do.
- And as soon as I'm back, I'm off again.

- Of course, of course.
- Right. Goodbye.

Bye, James.

(knock at door)

Come in if you must.

It really is rather…

- Oh, Mrs Davey.
- Good evening, Mr Farnon. Am I too late?

Of course you're not late at all,
Mrs Davey.

This is… this is May.

So I see.

What you said,
it gave me food for thought.

- It's very quick, I know.
- Absolutely the way to do it.

You're a very wise man, Mr Farnon.

Sometimes.

Professor Norton?

- Mr Farnon, I presume.
- No, I'm James Herriot, actually.

- Oh.
- I'm a partner in the practice.

- Very good of you to come and meet me.
- It's a pleasure, Professor.

I took the opportunity
to make a few notes on the train.

It is my custom to keep
a modest record of my travels.

One is asked to speak
on so very many occasions, you know.

I like… If I may be allowed
to use the expression,

I like to keep
my ammunition pouch bulging.

(laughs)

Ah, fascinating, fascinating.

You know, coming back to the Dales,

one has a distinct sensation
that one has travelled back a little in time.

By that, I don't mean a period
measured in centuries.

No, just a decade or two.

That is my impression, at all events.

Oh, what a smell!

And look what a pie.

It's turning out well,
even if there's no one to eat it.

There very soon will be, Mrs Alton,
don't you worry about that.

- I'm going to a lot of bother tonight.
- I know that indeed, Mrs Alton.

- (doorbell)
- There's somebody now.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
I had a puncture.

He's not here yet.
James has stepped into the breach.

- Oh, good.
- Ah, here's yours.

- Oh, right.
- Great. OK.

Now, I must go and pacify Mrs Alton.
She's a bit tense.

Who isn't? (laughs)

- Er, Stewie…
- What?

Er, would you change in there?
Do you mind?

No, no, no, no, of course not.

Oh!

Are you there? Well done.
In the nick of time, eh?

It's all worked out absolutely perfectly.
Now, then, how about a drink?

Just a little one, perhaps.
I must say,

you do yourself proud, Siegfried,
if this is your second-best dress suit.

Well, one likes to be reasonably…

- It isn't.
- What?

- This is my second-best suit.
- Oh, my…

And I'm so confoundedly used to it.
Look, Stewie, would you mind if we…?

- No, no, no. Of course not.
- (phone rings)

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Darrowby 385.

Yes, it is.

Oh.

Has she?

Can you see anything?

I'll be with you right away. It's Smethwick.
One of his cows has started to calve.

- She's making heavy weather of it.
- Oh. Er, can I help?

It's more than likely.
I've sweated blood over this animal.

Damned if I'll let her perish
under my eye now.

- Come on. Let's go, then.
- Er… yes. Just one second.

Mrs Alton? Er, emergency.

Tell Mr Herriot that Mr Brannan and I
are attending Mr Smethwick's cow.

We hope it won't be for too long, but he'll
have to hold the fort here till we get back.

- All right? Thank you so much.
- I-l-l'm sorry…

Sorry about this. Shall we change?

No, no, no, no.
Time is of the essence, Stewie.

I don't believe it!

(Siegfried) I've no concern
about my sense ofpriorities, Stewie.

My only worry is that you're sitting beside
me in an extremely expensive dress suit…

(Norton) ..to the Dales, on waking I should
at once be cognisant ofwhere I was.

- ..utmost important when dressing.
- Here we are.

Gentian violet, the traditional

and one might even say
the historic treatment,

- is e… is even now not to be sneezed at.
- Hello?

The chloride preparations
may prove very efficacious,

and can indeed work their wonders
in a shorter time.

Mm. What a very pleasant house this is.
I always think that houses of this period…

Where are they?

They've been called out to a cow. Mr
Farnon said that you were to hold the fort.

- Those were his words.
- Were they?

Hold the fort.

Professor Norton, this is Mrs Alton,
our housekeeper.

Mrs Alton.

Good evening, sir. I'll show you
to your room, if you care to follow me.

Thank you, Mrs Alton.

It will only take me
a few minutes to change.

I look forward to resuming
our conversation.

- Yes.
- Oh!

- Allow me.
- Thank you, sir.

My pleasure, Mrs Alton.

(phone rings)

- Hello.
- Hello, darling. It's me.

James! Don't tell me.
You're late but you're on your way?

No, no, I'm still at Skeldale.
Look, there wasn't anything I could do.

Stewie and Siegfried are out on a call
and I'm stuck here with Professor Norton.

- What?
- No, that's fine, James.

You go ahead. Have a large one on me.

No, I won't wait a minute, James.
I am sick of waiting. Tonight…

Helen, if you wanna blame anybody,
blame Siegfried.

(Norton) Hot water?
What ho, Mrs Alton.

(cow moos in pain)

Yes, well, I'm afraid she's not getting on
at all well, Mr Smethwick.

She's been straining like that
for a long time, Mr Farnon.

I think she's going to encounter
considerable difficulty calving it.

Poor old beggar.
She were weak to start with.

Oversized foetus.

What do you think? Caesarean?

It would take a fairish while, Stewie.

If she breeches any longer,
more chance of a successful result, too.

Yes, yes.

Of course.

After the roseolar stage,

the papular stage
gave no special cause for anxiety,

but when we reached
the vesicular stage,

I was absolutely dumbfounded
with what we saw.

Were you?

The vesicles were enormous.

- Quite beyond belief.
- Were they?

Could you raise the bottle up a bit?

Thank you.

Right.

Stewie, help me to exteriorise
the uterus, would you?

(grunts)

- Er, Stewie?
- Yes?

My trousers.

(laughs)

I'll be careful.

There's one.

Here's the other.

- That's it. Press it.
- It's… it's coming.

Right, Stewie, thank you, that's enough.
Just stand back now.

All right.

(Siegfried) Here we come.

All right, now. We should be able
to haul him out, Mr Smethwick,

with a bit of luck.

- Stewie, grab the head, will you?
- Right.

- Get up inside her.
- Right.

- (Siegfried) Nose down, I want that.
- (Stewie) OK. It's coming.

(Siegfried) There we are. Now, then.

(groaning)

(Stewie) He's too… (mutters)

(grunting)

Come on. Come on, boy. Come on.

(calfmoos)

There we go. That's it.

That's right.

Ah, that's fine. Are you holding on?

(Stewie) Yes. Ah.

Ah, that's a grand job.

Yeah.

There. You've got a fine little bull calf,
Mr Smethwick.

She's all right.
You can drop the bottle now.

Aargh!

What?

Oh.

I'm sorry, Siegfried.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Good evening.

- Got your supper, I see?
- Yeah, I just got some chips over there.

Excuse me.

You can do all the talking
you want at the station.

B-b-but don't you see it's me nostrils?

There we are.

For God's sake!

- Are you all right, Mr Farnon?
- Yes, yes, I'm fine.

- Just a little weak, I think.
- Oh, you'll be wanting some refreshment?

- Oh, I'd say.
- No, no, no. We haven't really got…

You just wait there, Mr Farnon.
I've got just the thing.

Oh, well, I suppose a quick wee dram
wouldn't go amiss, would it?

Aye.

I wonder how much longer
our friends will be.

My stomach is beginning
to make demands on me.

Ah.

Mrs Alton?

Oh, you're very kind.

No, my students are
an unattractive lot.

Unruly, rowdy,

promiscuous.

Well, every generation thinks
badly of the next, doesn't it?

Er, Mrs Alton, I'm afraid your dinner's
gonna have to be staggered a bit.

Heaven knows when the others
will get back. Our guest is famished

and I really must be on my way.

The food is ready for you
at any time, Professor.

Thank you, Mrs Alton. Thank you.

It's plain cooking
but I think you'll find it acceptable.

Good. I see that Mr Brannan remembered
to tell you of my little peculiarities.

Well, it was Mr Farnon,
as a matter of fact.

Now, there's a thick vegetable soup
to start with,

then a steak and kidney pie
with a selection of vegetables,

and my own fruit preserve
to follow with cream.

Oh, no. No.

No, no, no, Mrs Alton.

Since 1933

I have been on a strict regime

in consequence of my blood pressure.

I will take no soup,

a morsel or two of steak, no kidney,

no pastry,
perhaps one green vegetable,

and a slice of dry bread.

Those are my requirements.

And no pudding whatsoever.

You know, I begin to feel
disappointed with Mr Brannan.

We had a thorough discussion
of my dietary needs at the conference.

- (phone rings)
- (James) Excuse me.

(Norton) I remember going
into the subject in some depth.

- Uh-huh.
- As far as I could tell, he was listening.

- Darrowby 385.
- I can only think that he was…

Police Constable Hicks. Yes.

Oh, yes. Bernard Wain's
a client of ours. Pardon?

You've arrested him?

(policeman) He says
you can vouch forhim.

I found him skulking outside the fish
and chip shop wearing a face mask.

Well, his explanation
sounded pretty thin to me,

so l, er…

Oh.

Oh, quite normal, you say?

Quite normal for Mr Wain.

Well,

if you say so, Mr Herriot.

But now I've got him, it's going to take
some paperwork to get rid of him.

Er, I shall need an official identification,
Mr Herriot.

(cow moos)

Potato bread.

Ah, yes.

Mm.

It's…

It hits the spot, I can tell you.

(Smethwick) Fresh.
My wife got the recipe from her cousin.

- This is the first batch she ever made.
- Uh-huh.

(Siegfried) ls it?

- It's warm and soggy. Is that quite right?
- (laughs)

Mm! (talks with mouth full)
I could eat it all night.

Well, of course,
but just don't forget, Stewie,

that we've got
a very important engagement.

Mm!

(Siegfried) Oh, I say.

Bread and water. That is the very best
thing in the world, isn't it?

(Stewie) Cheers.

- Good night.
- Good night, Mr Smethwick.

Good night, now.

(muttering)

We'll have to drive like Donald Campbell
to get back to Skeldale now.

- What, for dinner?
- For dinner, yes.

- And for the professor.
- Oh, the profess…

And for Mrs Alton,

to say nothing of two evening suits
that desperately need cleaning.

I mean to say, Stewie, honestly,
yours is in such a frightful mess.

Stewie?

- Stewie, where are you?
- (groans)

The most extraordinary stomach cramp.

Ow!

Strewth! That was painful.

It's too much of that half-cooked
potato bread.

- You had your fair share.
- (laughs)

Now, then, the car keys.
Where are they?

(coughs)

Good grief.

Yes, I know.

Ow!

It can't last, can it?

No, no, surely not.

- (groans)
- (horn)

Oh, God!

You watch yoursen with that handkerchief
trick. Next time you might not be so lucky.

- Good night, Officer.
- I'm sorry about this, Mr Herriot.

- It's all right. It's one of those things.
- I'll have to go back for me bike.

I never did get those fish and chips.

All right. I tell you what.
I'll run you home via the chip shop.

- You can put your bike in the back.
- Oh, that'd do it, Mr Herriot.

Wouldn't want her to think
I'm a desperate character.

No.

- We have to say something.
- (whispers) No, no.

I had to beg for this dinner.

Now, all we need to do is get
to the bismuth and we'll be all right.

- I hope it works, cos all I can…
- Shh!

Here we are.

Ow!

Oh, Stewie!

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, Mr Brannan.

(burps)

And Mr Farnon, I presume.

- Ah, Professor Norton.
- (groans)

(door opens)

Hello.

Helen, I'm terribly sorry. We…

Dinner, James? Or shall we wait a few
more minutes and have it for breakfast?

It won't be quite the same,
though, tomorrow,

because it won't be
our anniversary tomorrow, will it?

(slurping)

(stomach whines)

Tell me, Mr Farnon.

Have you encountered many cases
of equine pleurisy in your practice?

Er… erm…

- (fart)
- Plenty.

The car stinking to high heaven
of fish and chips.

I mean, Bernard Wain
as a desperate character!

The candles are very romantic.

It is ruined, James.
It's just a sloppy mess.

No, no, darling. It's not bad at all.
It's wonderfully, um… tender.

(Norton) Mr Herriot is
a taciturn sort of chap.

Not exactly what you call
a conversationalist.

- (burping)
- What's the matter?

(Mrs Alton) Oh, well.

Here you are.

I've been keeping them hot
in the oven for you.

I wouldn't disown the pie,
but it's not what it was.

Still, since the professor could only pick
at his food, there's all the more for you.

(groans)

(retches)

(burps)

(burps very loudly)

Mrs Alton, I think perhaps
I should try to expl…

(burps)

Well, that does it.

That just about does it!

What a waste of my time!

I'm away to my bed.

You and your silly friends! (sobs)

(Stewie) Well, don't worry, Professor.

One of these days… (swallows)

you'll look back on this and you'll…

(burps)

..you'll laugh.

- Stay. Finish the wine.
- I'm going to bed.

- Please!
- No.

Then I'll do the washing-up.

Oh, that'll have to do. It's not the best
anniversary present I've ever had, but still.

- I'm sorry and I love you.
- It's not good enough.

I know it isn't. And I still love you.

Oh, James.

I love you too.

Why don't you leave the washing-up
till tomorrow?