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1
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,851
(WOMAN) I just don't want
to make one of these tapes
2
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,764
if it's something you do
with every girl.
3
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:18,528
(MAN) Every girl? No, no.
I am strictly a one-woman guy.
4
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,808
(WOMAN) Well, I don't want to end up
all over the Internet.
5
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,167
I pride myself on keeping a low profile.
6
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,721
My private life is private.
Hm.
7
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:31,170
Wait. I thought you never did this
before. What are all these?
8
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,210
Oh, uh, just some movies I rented.
9
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,041
"Me and Brandy, Missionary"?
10
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,931
A tale of two girls who become nuns.
11
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,445
"Me and Brandy, Doggy"?
12
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:44,122
The sequel. The nuns
adopt a chocolate lab.
13
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,282
What are all those?
14
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:47,811
Oh, that's just your standard
15
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,361
home security setup.
Basic run-of-the mill.
16
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,000
No big deal, nothing too elaborate.
Everybody has them.
17
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,891
And why do you need security cameras
pointing at your bed?
18
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,361
In case a burglar tries
to steal my sex tapes.
19
00:00:58,520 --> 00:00:59,760
Now, let's get into bed.
20
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,491
Let's just make this quick.
I have a court hearing in the morning.
21
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,450
Judge Henderson?
No. I wish. Thompson.
22
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,682
Mm. That's going to suck for you.
23
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,201
It was a driving mishap thingy.
24
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,283
Do me a favor.
Promise me you won't drive.
25
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,329
That's sweet.
You're worried about me driving.
26
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,563
Mm-mm. I'm worried about me.
I'm a pedestrian.
27
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,211
(ELECTRICAL BUZZ)
Ow!
28
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,840
Sorry. That's my sobriety monitor.
29
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:25,681
(ELECTRICAL BUZZ)
Ow!
30
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,842
Sorry. Sorry. (CLEARS THROAT)
31
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,604
Ankle. Tracking bracelet.
32
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,407
Oh, wait. Wait. Sorry, just...
(MOTOR RUMBLING)
33
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,568
Who put that on you?
I did.
34
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,324
It's the only way
I can have an orgasm.
35
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,928
Not tonight.
(EXHALES)
36
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,529
(BED SPRINGS SQUEAKING)
37
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,005
What are you doing?
Huh?
38
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,249
Just... warming up.
39
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,206
You sure we're alone here? Feels like
there's somebody else in this house.
40
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,840
(SCREAM ECHOING)
Did you hear that?
41
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,207
That's nothing.
42
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,521
(CREAKING)
OK, what is that?
43
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,967
Just... unraveling the old hose.
44
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,809
Save it for tomorrow, Raul.
45
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,610
Si, senor.
46
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,681
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING)
47
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,327
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
48
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,161
(BELL DINGS)
49
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,050
(BELL DINGS)
50
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,121
(HORN HONKS)
51
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,889
Wow. That was amazing.
(PANTING)
52
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,530
(HORSE WHINNIES)
53
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,201
(LINDSAY) Charlie.
54
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,643
Wow.
Get out of here, Emilio.
55
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,086
(SHRIEK ECHOES)
(GASPS)
56
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,486
(GROANING)
57
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,324
Charlie, I'm scared.
58
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,403
Lindsay, sweetie,
there's nothing to be afraid of.
59
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,050
(SCREAMING)
60
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,641
(SHRIEKS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
61
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,928
(MAN) Hey, I got the stuff.
I got to call you back, man.
62
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,604
(GROANS) Ow!
63
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,651
(BOTH SCREAMING)
64
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,445
I think I better go.
65
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,089
Really? How about tomorrow? You busy?
66
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,969
(SCREAMING)
67
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,011
I'm going to blow you
across the room.
68
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,491
Sounds awesome.
69
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,881
(HISSES)
' (GRUNTS)
70
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,004
(NARRATOR) And thus our story begins.
71
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,687
The large reward offered
for the rescue of Charlie's kids
72
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,411
drew the attention of police,
private detectives
73
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,927
and Red Cross volunteers.
74
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,129
Everyone was on high alert
for these children,
75
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,209
except these two guys.
76
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,807
No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens
access to cheaper drugs,
77
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:16,124
free preventative care, and it closes
the Medicare Part D loophole.
78
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,931
And how does that help if I get
shampoo in my dick hole?
79
00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,605
What?
Mean to tell me you ain't never got
80
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,410
shampoo in your pee hole?
OK.
81
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,085
Maybe like once or twice.
Yeah, once or twice
82
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,844
when you was playing with yourself.
83
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,764
No, I wasn't playing with myself.
84
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,082
I was showering,
and crazy got up in there.
85
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,084
Bullshit. Cam Newton's
law of gravity is:
86
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,323
That thing must be up
in order for that soap to go down.
87
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,330
Well, either way,
that shit stings like hell.
88
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,171
Sting like a mother, man, it feel
like it's a hornet up in there.
89
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,443
And he found out his girl be, you know,
doing her thing with another man.
90
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,489
Exactly.
I don't understand why
91
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,404
the shampoo company
can't fix that, man.
92
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,130
They got "No More Tears."
93
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:52,964
Why they can't make no more
hornets in your dick?
94
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,960
I don't really think they expect you
to use the No More Tears on your dick.
95
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,690
Well, why they call it
Johnson & Johnson?
96
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:01,320
I got a better question, man.
What the hell are two stoners doing
97
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,209
wandering around
these spooky-ass woods?
98
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,762
Look, it's going to be worth it.
I told you... this is Humboldt County.
99
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,003
This is where all the growers
grow their bomb-ass shit.
100
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,208
You think they're gonna be cool
with us just helping ourselves?
101
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,885
Look, man, we ain't taking no plants.
102
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,008
We're gonna snip a few buds.
You know what I'm saying?
103
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,764
It's gonna grow back
just like a lobster paw.
104
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,160
You know, that's how nature do.
105
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,004
I don't know, man.
Just doesn't feel right.
106
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,401
Man, they ain't gonna care.
Look, man, we're gonna be cool.
107
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,086
We're gonna roll one blunt,
then we're gonna get up out of here.
108
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,203
Just one?
Just one.
109
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,361
(MEN SHOUTING)
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
110
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,648
They won't care, huh?
Man, just keep running.
111
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,929
Holy shit. Is that a drone? They're
going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass.
112
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,360
(WHOOSHING)
(SCREAMS)
113
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,683
Yo, I think they gone.
114
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,649
Oh, whoa. It's a cabin in the woods.
We need to go hide over in there.
115
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,171
Nah, man, I'm not going in there.
116
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,526
It reminds me of a horror movie
I once saw.
117
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,883
What horror movie?
The one with the cabin in the woods.
118
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,565
Friday the 13th?
No.
119
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,210
The one with the cabin in the woods.
120
00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,725
Texas Chain Saw Massacre?
121
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,928
No, the one with the cabin
in the woods.
122
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,491
The Ring.
Uh-uh.
123
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,246
The one with the cabin in the woods.
Blair Witch Project.
124
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,681
No, man, the one
with the cabin in the woods.
125
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,569
The Munsters.
That wasn't in the woods.
126
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,563
They wasn't even a damn movie.
Look, man,
127
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,290
we ain't got time
for this shit right now.
128
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,329
We need to get to that cabin
in the woods.
129
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,330
(GROANING)
130
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,802
(CREAKING)
What the hell is that sound?
131
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,691
Sound like the house settling.
It looked new.
132
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,604
I'm gonna take a look around.
Go ahead.
133
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,081
Ah! What is that?
134
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,171
Ah!
Oh!
135
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,565
(GROANS) Where we shooting?
There.
136
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,006
Where?
The dark!
137
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,611
There?
No, this dark.
138
00:07:58,440 --> 00:07:59,362
Over there.
139
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,405
Dude, what the hell was that?
140
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,291
Big-ass Alaskan king crab
just ran up on me, man.
141
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,090
Crab? Cuz, we banging?
Ja'Marcus,
142
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,368
put the guns down, man.
Put yours down first, homey.
143
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,842
All right, on three. One, two, three.
144
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,650
Damn.
You want to try it again?
145
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,963
Sure. One, two, three.
146
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,724
One, two, three.
147
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,731
Uno, dos, tres.
148
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,962
Man, we could do this shit all day.
149
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,804
Truce?
Truce.
150
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,488
Hey, yo, D'Andre. Look, homey.
It's two little girls.
151
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,768
They're little racist girls, man.
(GROWLING)
152
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,163
Wearing blackface. Cool with that?
153
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,730
Hey, little girl, what's your name?
(GROWLING)
154
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,003
(MOCKING GROWL)
(GROWLING)
155
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,650
What'd she say?
She said, "I wonder what your leg
156
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,126
tastes like."
What? Ah, man!
157
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,645
Little spider girl bit me.
158
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,006
Maybe you're going to get superpowers.
159
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,003
Ain't no black superheroes.
I'm on it.
160
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,605
' Hi-ya!
' (GRUNTS)
161
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:08,006
Yo. D'Andre, I think they're
the missing kids from the news.
162
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,525
How can you be so sure?
Look.
163
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,888
(D'ANDRE) I don't know, man.
Well, if it is the missing kids,
164
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,042
I'm gonna take that reward money,
and I'm gonna buy me
165
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,244
a yacht, fill it with cash,
bitches and a shark.
166
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,731
Why would you want to buy a shark?
167
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,803
Trust me... we're gonna need a shark.
168
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,211
No, this can't be right.
169
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,002
(BEEPING)
170
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,006
(GRUNTING)
171
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,845
(URINATING)
(GROANING)
172
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:42,761
(RINGING)
173
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,331
Hi, Mom. (SHRIEKS)
174
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,924
I got to call you back.
175
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,963
No baby, no baby, no baby, no baby.
176
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,121
(BEEPING)
177
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,645
(FEMALE VOICE) You're pregnant...
No!
178
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:56,725
...with anticipation over
the outcome of this iPregnancy test,
179
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,804
which has determined that you are...
180
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,371
You got to be kidding me.
181
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,241
Oh, no.
182
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,925
Not pregnant.
183
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,009
You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut.
184
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,084
(SIGHS) Thank you, God. Sweet!
185
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,403
Great news:
They found my brother's kids.
186
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:16,846
Oh, crap.
187
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,571
(MAN) We're very fortunate
the older one, Kathy, has retained
188
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,205
most of her vocabulary.
189
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,488
The baby hasn't actually said a word.
190
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:26,968
Why not?
Because he's a baby.
191
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,567
They've been alone here
over three long months.
192
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:35,362
I need to warn both of you
that this is not going to be easy.
193
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,602
I'm ready for it.
194
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,286
Hello.
No, no. Wrong window.
195
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,920
Here's where the children are.
196
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,451
(PANTING)
197
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,648
What is she doing?
(MAN) In order to survive
198
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,282
their extreme isolation, the girls
created an imaginary guardian,
199
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,650
a parent figure to feed them,
sing to them. They call her Mama.
200
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,446
But these may help you break through.
201
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,329
And the Ritalin may help, as well.
202
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,767
The proper dosage
for someone their age is...
203
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,206
Wish me luck.
204
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,727
(CHILD PANTING)
205
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,250
Hey, Lily.
206
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,970
Oh, how cute.
207
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,643
OK.
Kathy.
208
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,726
It's OK, Kathy. Remember these?
209
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,565
You used to wear them
to help you see better.
210
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,650
No, no, no!
211
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,844
Maybe we should get her
some contacts... the soft kind.
212
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,011
Daddy?
213
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,366
No, sweetheart. Not Daddy.
214
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,164
I'm your Uncle Dan. Remember?
215
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,765
And this is Jody.
216
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,888
Jo...
217
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,884
Jody.
No pause between "Jo" and "dy."
218
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,008
Jo...
219
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,601
Dan, we're at an impasse.
I see constant conflict.
220
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,808
It's fine. They'll warm up to you.
221
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,371
(CHILD GROWLING)
Oh!
222
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,000
Hey, hey, hey, little lady,
that's not how...
223
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,810
You little mother...!
224
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,047
Well, everything checks out.
They seem like good kids, Doc.
225
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,486
Just validate our parking.
We'll take them home.
226
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,927
Folks, I wish it were that easy.
You don't validate?
227
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,321
I'm saying the kids
are not yours to take.
228
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,448
Well, you can't win them all.
Let's skedaddle.
229
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:33,611
That's not fair. They're my brother
Charlie's kids. We deserve them.
230
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,128
Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock
band, staying out all night long,
231
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,965
high on drugs, sleeping with
a different man every night.
232
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,885
I don't think the courts
are gonna look upon that too favorably.
233
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,371
But...
I was just messing with you.
234
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:45,760
The kids are yours.
They are?
235
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,365
Did you hear that, honey? They're ours!
236
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,127
On one condition. This house is owned
by the Institute for Case Studies.
237
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,328
Every room is fully wired with cameras.
238
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,086
If you move into the house,
you get the kids.
239
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,130
Can't we just sell the house and put
the kids in a high-end orphanage?
240
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,487
Jody, do you really think
you're out out to be a mom?
241
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:02,641
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
242
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,046
Of course she is.
Dan!
243
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,124
Now, no more rock band,
no more silly wig.
244
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,362
It's not silly. It's all a part of me.
245
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,363
And no more tattoos.
What are you doing?
246
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,166
What I had to.
We're a perfect suburban couple.
247
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:19,087
(NARRATOR) And so Dan and Jody headed to
their new house with their new children.
248
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,562
But, like a slutty sorority girl
returning from spring break,
249
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,282
they were also bringing home
a hidden evil.
250
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,171
(JODY) All right, kids,
here's our new house.
251
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,924
And here's Uncle Dan.
252
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,283
Hi. Don't forget about mommy!
253
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,240
Dan, I'm not their mommy.
They can call me Aunt Jody.
254
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,641
Or Jodes, J-Mom, Mrs. Sanders.
(PANTING)
255
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,444
Or, if they really want
to call me... Garage!
256
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,370
(DAN) Here comes Jody and Aidan,
257
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,124
entering the house
for the very first time.
258
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,921
This is where we're going to protect you
and make sure nothing bad...
259
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,650
Oh, my God, Aidan!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
260
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,643
Maybe we should put him in the carrier.
261
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:02,010
There, see, that's better.
Come on, Aidan. What, what, what?
262
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,447
Relax, it's OK.
Oh, my gosh.
263
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,443
Dan, I lost the baby!
What?
264
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,410
Oh, my gosh, Aidan!
Aidan, where are you?!
265
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,686
Aidan!
(DAN) Where did you go?
266
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:15,084
Oh, there he is, OK. (SIGHING)
267
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,129
(DAN) Here's your sister Kathy.
268
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,611
Oh, Aidan, it's OK.
269
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,489
(DAN) You've just got to talk
in a baby voice.
270
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,849
It doesn't even matter what you say.
OK.
271
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,162
I'm your stepmommy.
272
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,046
I'm not your fricking mommy.
273
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,441
There you go, you're a natural.
(SNIFFING)
274
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,688
What's that smell?
(BABY GROANING)
275
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,251
(SCREAMING)
276
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,244
(DAN) Oh, my God, what do I do?
Oh, oh! Here, this, hold on!
277
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,444
(SCREAMING)
' (KATHY) Uncle Dan!
278
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,207
' (DAN) Kathy! Oh, sorry, Ow!
279
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,927
All right, there you go, sweetie.
280
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,448
Is it chilly in here? I felt it
as soon as I entered the room.
281
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,682
(DAN) Feels fine. Hey, what are these?
282
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,491
This is interesting. What is this?
283
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,246
I don't know, Mama drew that one.
284
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,131
Look, we drew this picture for Aidan.
285
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,403
See? It's Aidan
on a rocket to the moon.
286
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,610
Oh. Sitting on a rocket.
Where's Lily?
287
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,127
(GROWLING)
288
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,362
Oh, no, sweetie, the other end.
289
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,770
Ooh!
290
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,167
Let's go introduce Aidan
to the rest of the family.
291
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,600
(SNIFFING)
292
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,601
(THUD)
293
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,411
Oh, and there's
our furry family member.
294
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,131
(DAN) Yes, Maria.
(JODY) No, Dan, Artie.
295
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,248
(DAN) Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie.
296
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,324
Ay, the new baby. I make blessing.
Oh.
297
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,323
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
298
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,169
OK, OK, that's good, Maria.
299
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,005
Oh, my gosh.
300
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,849
(NARRATOR) With three new kids
to care for,
301
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,890
Dan really needed
to start performing at work.
302
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,761
Unfortunately he was having
some issues with a colleague.
303
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,481
(DAN) OK, Caesar, this is
the one, I can feel it.
304
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,888
Eighty-one seconds? Oh, Caesar.
305
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,247
That's your worst time yet.
306
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,880
You're doing even worse
on your creativity test.
307
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,601
I mean, look at all the imaginative
things I made out of blocks.
308
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,205
Like this awesome plane.
309
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,044
(MAKING PLANE ENGINE SOUND)
310
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,084
(GRUNTS)
311
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,049
Dan, do you have any results yet?
312
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,851
Oh, well, I've been injecting
the primates twice a day
313
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,800
with the I-13 intelligence drug.
I'm hoping in a week or so...
314
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,964
I hope Caesar is not just
a big waste of time and money.
315
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,761
I'm the one responsible to the board.
Just show me one thing positive.
316
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,371
Look. They still throw their shit.
317
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,727
(DAN) But now they can keep score.
318
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,281
(GRUNTING)
319
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,046
We have to kick-start this thing.
When can we go to human trials?
320
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,969
We're close, but there's
an intermediate step.
321
00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,562
If the I-13 works
on these reality wives...
322
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,769
You better check that shit.
Who gonna check me, boo?
323
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,086
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTS)
324
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,481
(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)
325
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,727
We're pinning the future
of our lab on wild beasts.
326
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,723
They're not beasts.
327
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,247
They have feelings, they have families.
328
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,165
Males pee standing up,
females pee sitting down.
329
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,482
These apes are just like you.
330
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,530
And me... you and me, blacks and whites.
331
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,002
More like whites, of course.
We whites are a lighter shade of ape
332
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,004
whereas you are bla... dder infection,
we're all at risk.
333
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,367
So, what were we talking
about again? Vaginas.
334
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:37,851
Shut up.
Yes, of course.
335
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,401
Caesar has got to show some human
intelligence at that board meeting...
336
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,769
Caesar's probably smarter
than half of those board members.
337
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,206
Dan...
I know what you're going to say.
338
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:48,045
"If he's so smart,
why is he in a cage?"
339
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,881
You're in the cage.
340
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,891
(BASS GUITAR PLAYING)
341
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,050
What?
342
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,684
Oh, you're looking for this?
Uh-huh.
343
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,841
It's my ballerina doll.
344
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,165
You made this?
Mama did,
345
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:17,490
using twigs, moss, spiderwebs,
sparrow bones, lizard eyes,
346
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,610
all held together with rat droppings.
Oh, geez.
347
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,323
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
348
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:58,567
(SCREAMS)
349
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,523
(BASS NOTES PLAYING)
(VOCALIZING)
350
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,170
(SCREAMS)
351
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,524
Ah, ah, ah. What... what are you doing?
352
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,160
I just can't deal with these kids.
They're creepy.
353
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,481
We should just take 'em back.
354
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,962
Maybe you guys just need
to find some common ground.
355
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,327
What about that ballerina doll
Kathy's always playing with?
356
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,123
I don't want to talk about the ballet.
357
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,408
I saw what the ballet did to my mom.
358
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,089
She became obsessed.
359
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,881
She even danced the swan
while she was pregnant with me.
360
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,849
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
361
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,127
Boo, ray, boo!
Shh!
362
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,369
Shh. Hell. You better sit back
before I punch you in your damn throat.
363
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,521
We're trying to enjoy the show.
364
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,446
You go on... shh... shh me again.
I double-dog dare you, hell.
365
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,568
Better ask somebody who I am.
366
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,007
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(GASPS)
367
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,888
(TUBA PLAYS NOTE)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
368
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,724
Whoa!
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
369
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,091
(TUBA SQUAWKS)
(MAN) Got it.
370
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,604
Mom was never the same.
371
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,368
That's unlikely
to ever happen again, ever.
372
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,842
Just give it a shot.
Look what I found earlier.
373
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,490
I mean, I know
it's just a local production.
374
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:26,248
But could be something for you
and Kathy to talk about, could be fun.
375
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,085
You really think so?
Yes.
376
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,528
Well, I suppose I could check it out.
377
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,763
OK. But the minute it becomes
too difficult, I'm giving up.
378
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:37,686
That's the spirit.
379
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,720
(NARRATOR) Even though Jody
only returned to the ballet
380
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,484
to connect with the girls,
381
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:59,486
as she got closer she couldn't help
but get excited at the prospect
382
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,803
of becoming the Swan Queen.
383
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,201
This season we open with "Swan Lake."
384
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,362
As you all know, this piece
has the most challenging
385
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,605
and demanding role in all
of ballet... the Swan Queen.
386
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,330
(NARRATOR) Sizing up her competition,
387
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,245
Jody knew the battle
would be a tough one.
388
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,368
The white and the black.
389
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,524
Fortunately we have with us
prima ballerina and the lead
390
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,810
in my last 146 productions...
Heather Darcy.
391
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,928
(CLAPPING)
392
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,845
Ah, the seasoned professional.
393
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,401
The still brilliant,
crusty, old, weathered,
394
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:37,764
leather-faced elder statesman of ballet
to whom these young girls,
395
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,764
less experienced,
more beautiful and delicious,
396
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:44,720
but still very raw ballerina hopefuls,
look up.
397
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,487
Show these far more desirable children
how it's done, huh?
398
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,642
Music!
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON PIANO)
399
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,165
Try that thing where you are skipping
400
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,448
and you hop and you spread
your legs a little bit.
401
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,287
(JODY) Look at that form,
that technique.
402
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,090
I'll never be that good.
403
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:11,805
I'm Jody, by the way.
404
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,883
Kendra.
405
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,966
Are you going to try out?
Me?
406
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:21,442
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, I like to dance, but I just...
407
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,329
I don't like to be the
center of attention.
408
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,446
(MAN) OK, who's next?
Oh, food.
409
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:27,965
Huh?
(HIP-HOP PLAYS)
410
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,843
It is as if I am seeing ballet
for the first time.
411
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:47,851
That's not ballet.
412
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,447
(MAN) The passion, the sensuality.
413
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,883
An ass that makes you want to
crawl inside and take up residence.
414
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,526
I can show passion.
415
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,366
Oh, yeah.
416
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,121
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh.
417
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,244
(NARRATOR) Jody certainly had
her work cut out for her.
418
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,371
That Kendra chick was smokin'.
419
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,204
Do you accept euros?
420
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,602
' (GROANING ECHOES)
(POTS CLANG)
421
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,006
(LOUD CLANG)
422
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,249
Kathy, Lily, Aidan?
423
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:58,766
(SIGHS)
424
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,247
Jody? Ah!
(SCREAMS)
425
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,925
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.
426
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,209
I'm so sorry.
I'm fine.
427
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,600
It was on the floor.
428
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,088
Ah, probably a screw loose.
I'll fix it.
429
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,725
I feel like there's
something in this house.
430
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:18,881
Like what?
431
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,931
Like I feel hot, clammy,
foul-smelling breath on my neck.
432
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:24,527
(SHUDDERS)
433
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,082
You need call psychic.
Kill bad spirits.
434
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,289
Ugh.
No, Maria, enough of this stuff.
435
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,569
OK, then I do blessing,
I protect house.
436
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,727
Honey, you really need to relax.
437
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,449
You're just stressed out
about the children.
438
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,444
No, it's this house. I... I feel it.
439
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,922
And Maria's a little off. I mean,
honestly do you really trust her?
440
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,368
Oh, honey, don't worry,
she couldn't hurt a fly.
441
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,284
Look, you have a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
442
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,807
Let's just get you some sleep, OK?
443
00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,761
Love you.
444
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,611
(DAN) I don't believe this...
our whole house ransacked.
445
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,047
You leave the house unattended
with the doors unlocked
446
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,486
and look what happens.
447
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,371
They didn't take anything.
It's just vandalism.
448
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,761
Every room except
the kids' rooms was trashed.
449
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:16,921
So you suspect the kids?
450
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,401
It was Mama. Mama did it.
451
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,848
She hates this house.
She hates you.
452
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,966
OK, Maria, this is camera.
Necesito filming.
453
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,009
Thank you for helping me
clean up, sweetie.
454
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,970
Oh, hey, been looking
all over for this thing.
455
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:35,849
Still got it...
(CHILD SCREAMS)
456
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,480
I'm sorry! God, help, honey!
457
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,241
Maria, honey, help! Geez!
Maria, put the camera...
458
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,006
(JODY) Oh, look at this.
459
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,561
Mom coaching me
when I was a little girl.
460
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,202
Aw...
Always applying the guilt trip.
461
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,129
That got me the lead.
462
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,444
(BABY CRYING)
(KATHY) Look, Maria.
463
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,967
Maria, look what I found. What is this?
464
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:03,927
Oh, uh, that's... a new type
of electric toothbrush.
465
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,527
Vibrations knock the tartar
off your teeth.
466
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,806
Look, a whole box of toothbrushes.
(DAN) Whoa.
467
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,162
This black one is huge.
OK.
468
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,891
And look, here's a double-sided one.
All right.
469
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,088
And one that I can strap on to my face.
470
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,368
Nope. Put that over here.
471
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,330
Uncle Dan, what is this?
Beaded floss?
472
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,608
That's grown-up floss, honey.
473
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,331
(GROANS) Graffiti!
474
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,602
Did you see this?
475
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,923
Who does that?
What are we...? Maria.
476
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,971
Maria, por favor.
(MARIA EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)
477
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,761
Miss Jody, Miss Jody,
you call this man... Mr. Blaine.
478
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,888
He helped my sister.
479
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,481
This is a psychic.
Si, he'll help you.
480
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,449
No, what we really need
are more security cameras.
481
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,650
Uncle Dan. You know, these toothbrushes
look an awful lot like dildos.
482
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,241
Ow!
483
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,128
(GROANING, SCREAMING)
484
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,770
(SIREN BLARING)
485
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,528
(CHOKING, GAGGING)
486
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:02,804
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
(SCREAMING)
487
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,322
(SIREN WAILING)
488
00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:18,805
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
489
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,048
(GIRL) This is fun, Mama.
490
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,964
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
491
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,326
You're still awake?
492
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:37,926
All right, listen, guys, it's just us
493
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,809
until Uncle Dan comes back
from the hospital.
494
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,281
I don't like it,
you don't like it, I don't like it.
495
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,807
Now go to sleep. I have to be up
early for ballet tomorrow.
496
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,408
You really like ballet, don't you?
Yeah, but I don't want you to go.
497
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:55,607
Why?
498
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,888
Mama says you're going
to have an accident.
499
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:02,204
Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama
who trashed the house?
500
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,328
Basically, yes.
501
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:06,451
(GROANING)
502
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:11,970
Don't go in there.
503
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:13,882
I wasn't going to.
504
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,326
Just don't.
505
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,171
It's my house, I can if I want.
506
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,521
I wouldn't.
507
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,364
Would.
Wouldn't.
508
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,363
Would, too.
Would not.
509
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,524
You know what? I'm the adult.
You're not the boss of me.
510
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:27,681
Don't.
511
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,610
(GRUNTING) I told you
not to let anyone in!
512
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,091
(FLATULENCE)
513
00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:00,408
(SCREAMING)
(CLATTERING)
514
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,244
(NARRATOR) And so Jody was...
515
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,886
Oh, my God, I just smelled that.
516
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,008
It just got to me, yeah.
517
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:08,804
And so Jody was...
518
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,928
Oh, no, I... I'm sorry,
you have to excuse me.
519
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:12,246
I got to get some fresh air.
520
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,402
The next section
should explain itself.
521
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,762
(VACUUM STARTS)
522
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,724
(MAN) All right, attention.
523
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:32,484
I do not wish to repeat myself.
524
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,286
I repeat, I do not wish
to repeat myself.
525
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,602
I require the sweater
I wear as a scarf.
526
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,091
(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
527
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,011
Ah. Comfortable, huh?
528
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,650
Mm... Mother, please, I am working.
529
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,282
All right, because Heather Darcy
is so old, this season
530
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,249
we will have a new Swan Queen,
531
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:57,121
and that person is Jody Sanders.
532
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,121
Now, Jody, show us your routine.
533
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,011
No, I'm the Swan Queen.
534
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,770
Watch me. Ah...!
(CRASH)
535
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,685
As I was saying, my choice for new...
536
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,968
(HEATHER) Her?! Anyone but her!
537
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,681
You might just as well
have picked the janitor!
538
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,571
Me?
(SWING JAZZ PLAYS)
539
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,651
Ira, please, not now. OK.
What?
540
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,802
Yes, it was a difficult decision,
541
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,770
but I have always been
attracted to Jody.
542
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,888
How could I not? She has
the body of a fifth-grade boy.
543
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,004
But in the event that she
is unable to dance,
544
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:48,165
I am naming as her
understudy Kendra Brooks.
545
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,642
All right, that's lunch.
546
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,890
Ooh, this is a nice house.
I'm gonna go find the girls.
547
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,970
Kathy, how did you know I was going to
have an accident today at the ballet?
548
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,286
Mama told me.
549
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:21,762
OK, well, how did Mama know
I was going to have an accident?
550
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:23,724
(WHOOSHING SOUND)
551
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,683
Oh, there you are.
I found this bandage on my head.
552
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,850
Dan, please. I think there is something
going on in this house,
553
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:33,286
something about this Mama.
554
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,204
I'm gonna call the psychic
Maria told us about.
555
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,010
Jody, do you really
think we need a psychic?
556
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,207
(KATHY) Uncle Dan, come here.
557
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,169
Coming.
I want to show you something.
558
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,526
Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks.
Look what I can do.
559
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,047
Oh, wow, that's really good, honey.
(AIDAN) Dada.
560
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,851
(SHUDDERING) Good Lord.
561
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,243
Uncle Dan, look at me.
Evil spirits.
562
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:56,731
Look, Mr. Dan, look.
563
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,645
Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits?
564
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,849
You're facing something our
human minds cannot imagine.
565
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,520
Mama.
(DAN EXCLAIMS)
566
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,442
Let's get you in a robe.
567
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,085
Do you want to hear
about the ballet today?
568
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,767
Mama's helping us get ready.
Oh, OK, I'll brush, too.
569
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,531
Hm. Where did my toothbrush go?
570
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:26,484
(WHIMPERS)
571
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,400
Hey, we don't lick our balls
in this house.
572
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,927
Sorry, won't happen again.
573
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:35,965
(NARRATOR) Try as she might,
574
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,283
Jody just couldn't seem
to connect with those kids.
575
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,091
Or get the taste of that
toothbrush out of her mouth.
576
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,846
Was it just eight-year-old teen angst,
577
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,408
or were there otherworldly
forces at work here?
578
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,562
(GULPING)
579
00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,643
(EERIE MOANING)
580
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:04,205
Baby.
Hm?
581
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:05,521
Babe, I heard something.
What?
582
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:06,727
I think there's someone in the kitchen.
583
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,611
See? There's nobody down here.
584
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:11,888
There it is again!
Right there. Go look.
585
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:16,125
Jody, calm down. See, there's nothing
to worry about. It's just...
586
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,169
(JODY SCREAMS)
Oh, God! Geez!
587
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,721
(SCREAMING)
(MICROWAVE BEEPS)
588
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,484
Dan, I'm calling the psychic!
589
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:23,727
Ah! Make the call!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
590
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:27,563
Blaine Fulda, professional psychic.
591
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:29,051
Hi, I'm Jody.
592
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,601
Indeed you are.
Yes. And this is my husband Dan.
593
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,604
Your payment as requested.
$500 in unmarked bills.
594
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,569
(SNIFFS)
And of course, you know Maria.
595
00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:39,246
Hola, Mr. Blaine.
Hi, Maria. How's your sister?
596
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,607
Dead. Demon kill her.
597
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,569
Well, that explains
the unreturned phone calls.
598
00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:46,246
I'm sensing evil.
599
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,324
I'm gonna have to get some of
your personal belongings here,
600
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,131
just so I can check for
demon and ghost residue.
601
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:53,486
I'm not gonna be able
to lift all those monitors,
602
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,849
but I'll send my cousin tomorrow with
the white van. He can get them in there.
603
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,809
Dan was attacked
by the kitchen last night.
604
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,406
We think it might be Mama.
Kitchen attack?
605
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,085
You could've said that earlier.
606
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:06,005
If a room turns on you,
it's either a ghost or a demon.
607
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:10,609
Can a demon take over someone?
Like, live within them?
608
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,171
Damn, that's some scary shit.
609
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,482
So a demon is about
the worst thing you can have?
610
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,371
No, ma'am, an STD is the
worst thing that you can have.
611
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,002
Who do you know who wants to hurt you?
Do you have a jealous colleague at work?
612
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,083
A Facebook friend
you might have ignored?
613
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:26,363
Maybe you adopted a small
African child named Ikatababwe,
614
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,568
promising to feed
this nigga for 25 cents a day.
615
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,205
But then he needs something to drink!
616
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,521
Anyway, let's begin.
OK.
617
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,047
This is the evil communicator.
618
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:39,124
When I put this on, I'll be able
to cross over to the other side
619
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,601
and confront the entity.
That will immediately trigger
620
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:46,362
the final $350 payment of
child support to Tisha Fulda.
621
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,808
And if you guys would just join hands,
close eyes and concentrate.
622
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,169
Empty your mind of all
the thoughts of today's troubles.
623
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,806
Everything that went on,
get that out of your mind.
624
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,122
This is all about the spirit world here.
625
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:03,564
And three, two and one.
626
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,969
(MOANING)
627
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,166
What's happening? Things are starting
to move all by itself!
628
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,684
(JODY) Breathe! Breathe!
629
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:17,649
Wait, I don't think he can breathe!
(DAN) He's a pro!
630
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,644
A sophisticated piece of equipment
like that? Of course he can breathe.
631
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,161
(GASPING) Shit, I couldn't breathe.
632
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,051
Almost killed myself.
All right, I communicated.
633
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,601
It was definitely a demon.
Oh, my God.
634
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,360
Wait a minute. I was wrong.
It's a ghost.
635
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,005
So strong.
636
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:35,926
Ow!
(GASPS)
637
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:37,966
(BLAINE) Help, it's got me!
Dan!
638
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,565
Dan, wake up!
Ma'am, you got to
639
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:43,088
get out of here. It's evil!
It's pure evil! It's Mama!
640
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,322
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
641
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,444
Now do you believe
that something's going on?
642
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,921
He got dragged away,
yelling out, "Mama."
643
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,082
He got dragged away?
I don't remember that.
644
00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:13,528
Dan, you were unconscious.
I don't remember that, either.
645
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:15,205
Look, honey, I don't want to argue.
646
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,328
The important thing is,
we love each other, OK?
647
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,887
No, the important thing is that
this Mama thing could be real
648
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,644
and she might be trying to kill us.
649
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,770
Jod, that guy was a fraud
and that's it. OK?
650
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,570
(INDISTINCT WHISPER)
(CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING)
651
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:36,882
What's that?
My penis.
652
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,684
No.
Yes.
653
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,126
(CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING)
654
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,489
There, right now, there.
I know. I'm trying.
655
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,883
What the hell is that?
My penis?
656
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,207
(LOW GROWL)
What's making that sound?
657
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,490
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
658
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,843
(CLANGING)
659
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,481
Dan, what is that?
660
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,810
MY penis.
661
00:40:05,720 --> 00:40:07,290
(MARIA GASPING)
662
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,769
(GASPING)
663
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,763
(EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH)
664
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,930
(SNIFFING) Is that smoke?
665
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,801
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
666
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,891
Maria! What are you doing?!
You're gonna burn down the house!
667
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,202
Kill bad spirits!
668
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,842
What is going on? (COUGHS)
Maria almost burned the house down.
669
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,047
What?
That's it, she's got...
670
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,201
(CHANTING IN SPANISH)
671
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:58,922
Enough! This is getting out of hand.
You're scaring everybody.
672
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,128
You can't fire her. I mean,
she's been with us for years.
673
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:02,611
I don't know what to do.
674
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,842
That's discrimination.
OK, now what the hell?
675
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,368
This is completely insane!
It's what she believes in, honey!
676
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:09,646
Give me that!
677
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,644
(MARIA) You're gonna let me go?!
Your family is not safe!
678
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,928
I'm sorry, Maria,
it's just not working out.
679
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,811
I'll give you a recommendation,
just nothing involving kids
680
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,725
or within a mile of anyone's house.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
681
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:25,846
I can't do this anymore.
I got to go to work.
682
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,610
I don't even understand
what you're saying!
683
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,001
(CLANGS)
684
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,883
Ow!
685
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:05,684
(MAN) Ladies and gentlemen,
686
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,605
for the past two years,
our own Dan Sanders has been
687
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,445
testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes.
688
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,887
Unfortunately, 29 of them turned into
689
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,611
insane, aggressive,
deviant sexual predators.
690
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,802
But one, Caesar,
691
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,043
has experienced a huge leap
in intelligence.
692
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,362
Here he plays three opponents.
693
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,925
Of course, they're apes.
694
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:30,881
But Caesar's superior capabilities
are the work of one man.
695
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:34,567
The brains behind
the I-13 project, Dan San...
696
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,051
Are you OK?
I'm fine, Martin.
697
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,642
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce you to Caesar...
698
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,006
You're not getting away from me!
699
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,009
Oof!
(SCREECHING)
700
00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:46,166
(GROANING)
701
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,567
(GRUNTS)
Oh, no!
702
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,486
(ALARM SOUNDING)
(APES SCREECHING)
703
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:54,971
(GASPS)
704
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:56,246
(SCREAMING)
705
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,527
Traffic is backed up
on the Broad Street Bridge,
706
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,127
where apparently police are battling
dozens of apes in a running gunfight.
707
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,369
Our reports indicate that
a scientist at a research laboratory
708
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,444
gave these apes an experimental
intelligence drug.
709
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:24,127
I'm being told that all available
officers are now on the scene.
710
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:29,411
But at this time, we are advising all
our viewers to find alternate routes.
711
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,370
I'm now being told
we have the actual 911 call
712
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,682
that first alerted the police
to the situation.
713
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,121
(MAN) 911, what's your emergency?
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
714
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,886
(WOMAN) Oh, my God!
Apes are inside the house!
715
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,202
(MAN) Calm down, ma'am. What happened?
716
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,283
(WOMAN) We were making love and...
Oh, my God!
717
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,363
They're attacking him!
(MAN) Who are they attacking, ma'am?
718
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,201
(WOMAN) Carl! Oh, my God!
Please, help him!
719
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,567
(MAN) Where is your husband right now?
(WOMAN) Carl's not my husband.
720
00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:56,406
My husband's the anchor for
Channel 12 News. He can't know about it.
721
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,130
(MAN) OK, ma'am, but we need to...
(WOMAN) Hurry!
722
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,288
Send help while my husband's
still on the air!
723
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,841
(MAN) Ma'am, that's not important.
Your life is.
724
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,048
(WOMAN) Yeah, you're right.
Why should he care?
725
00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,483
I mean, I'm pretty sure he's been
sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch!
726
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:09,846
Oh, I'm gonna rip her...
727
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,247
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
728
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,408
(KENDRA) Congratulations, girl.
729
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,007
I knew it was gonna be you.
You're just so perfect, so mechanical.
730
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,731
Watching you dance
is like watching a robot.
731
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:24,086
Thanks.
732
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:27,924
So hungry.
733
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:31,521
Mm.
734
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,047
Is that all?
Pierre has a weight limit.
735
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:37,010
I'm too heavy. Look at Mara.
736
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,527
She looks great.
737
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,286
Look, are you sure you're OK?
738
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:44,850
Weird things have been
happening at home.
739
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,207
Kathy said there was
going to be an accident.
740
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:51,285
Then it happened to Heather.
That's some serious shit.
741
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,647
You should talk to those kids.
742
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:55,370
Whoa, pizza.
743
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:03,527
I eat and eat and eat,
and I don't gain a pound.
744
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:08,682
(JODY RETCHING)
745
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,125
(SIGHING)
746
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:18,881
(GASPING)
747
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,604
Heather!
748
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,485
You think you can replace me?
749
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:38,248
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
750
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,763
Damn it!
751
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:52,685
Door!
752
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,849
Son of a bitch!
753
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,609
Oh, I didn't know
you were such a good builder.
754
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,365
Wow.
755
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,563
Kathy, I want you
to tell me about Mama.
756
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,724
Mama doesn't like it
when you talk about her.
757
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:12,927
Who is Mama?
758
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,361
She was a woman who
read from an evil book.
759
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,808
Sometimes she comes to us in a dream.
760
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,968
In a dream?
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
761
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,282
In your dreams, of course.
762
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,283
I wish I could see
what's inside your dreams.
763
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:26,851
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
764
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,163
To extract what's in your dreams.
To perform an inception.
765
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:31,367
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
766
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,887
Will you drop that?
That's my birth tuba.
767
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,087
(DOORBELL RINGS)
768
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:41,005
Hello. I'm Dom Kolb.
You called about a dream extraction?
769
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,561
(JODY) Yes. I need to find
out about an evil book.
770
00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:44,881
Mm-hm.
771
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,765
This machine will allow us
access to the dream world.
772
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:49,251
Let's begin.
773
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,164
So when do we start dreaming?
774
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,971
You never really remember
the beginning of a dream,
775
00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:59,326
do you?
I guess.
776
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:01,443
(RUMBLING)
OK, then,
777
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:05,286
this is your first lesson
in shared dreaming. Stay calm.
778
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,125
Sorry. I dropped my phone in there.
779
00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:12,608
You need to clear your subconscious.
And watch what you think about.
780
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,001
Nothing crazy.
Right.
781
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,891
Like having your crotch
burst into flames.
782
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:19,565
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
783
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:24,886
(GASPS)
784
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:31,203
(GASPS) What does that
have to do with Ma...?
785
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,931
Hey!
Oh.
786
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,247
Let's start over.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
787
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,128
I'm Jody Sanders.
788
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,362
Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you.
789
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,363
Please, come in.
790
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:51,170
They call me Christian Grey.
791
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:53,246
(SNIFFING)
792
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,209
How do you like my blue room?
793
00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:00,284
It's red.
Oh. I'm color-blind.
794
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,721
My decorator assured me that...
Never mind.
795
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:07,210
Champagne?
Mm.
796
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,323
(CLACKING)
797
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:15,965
Have a seat.
798
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:21,281
I'll stand.
799
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,808
Hey, Christian, man, golly, man!
I'd like to thank you a lot, man,
800
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,321
for working on my prostrate
like it was a speed bag.
801
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,450
Yes, Michael, I must admit, I was
surprised at your performance, as well.
802
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,922
Not bad for a washed-up, overweight,
facially tattooed...
803
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:35,491
(GRUNTS)
804
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:36,727
Do it again.
805
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:40,845
(LAUGHS) Oh...!
806
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,571
I have no idea what that one was.
807
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:51,328
Me neither.
808
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,328
Mama, are you here?
809
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:59,087
(WOMAN) Dom, is that you?
Oh, shit.
810
00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:02,528
You said you'd had a dream
that we'd grow old together.
811
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:04,409
Right. And we will.
812
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,609
What are you doing here?
Hi.
813
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,842
How could you bring her here?
What about our children?
814
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:13,527
They're not real.
Yes, they are. Watch.
815
00:49:13,720 --> 00:49:15,768
James, Phillippa!
816
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:18,408
Ew.
817
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,966
You're not gonna jump, are you?
818
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,851
I hadn't thought about that.
Thank you.
819
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,723
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
820
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:33,927
OK, we're not getting anywhere.
821
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:35,570
What does any of this
have to do with Kathy?
822
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:37,529
Kathy? I thought you were Kathy.
823
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,086
Oh.
824
00:49:55,840 --> 00:50:00,926
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
(GASPS)
825
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:20,767
(JODY SCREAMS, DISTORTED)
What's happening to me?!
826
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:22,365
(GASPS,PANTING)
827
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,603
That must have been her.
Mama.
828
00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:28,484
She wants to take us home to the cliff.
829
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:31,769
What does that mean?
I don't know.
830
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:34,763
But I trust you'll give me
a favorable Yelp review?
831
00:50:37,720 --> 00:50:40,405
(BARKING)
832
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,451
(NARRATOR) Jody's mission was clear.
833
00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,563
The evil book that created Mama
834
00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:49,247
was located in the cellar
of a cabin, in the woods.
835
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:53,570
If she could find that cabin,
maybe she could find some answers.
836
00:50:53,720 --> 00:50:56,803
If we can find that cabin,
maybe we can find some answers.
837
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:58,849
OK, calm down. I'm gonna come over.
838
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:00,411
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
839
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:01,846
Kendra?
What?
840
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,570
(PANTING)
841
00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:05,643
OK, wait, what's going on now?
842
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,167
I think she's out there!
843
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:11,722
OK, OK, just... you stay calm!
844
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,001
(FEMALE VOICE) Front door open.
845
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,288
She's in the house!
Front door open.
846
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,568
OK, stay...
Front door open.
847
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,171
Shut the hell up!
848
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:20,970
(FEMALE VOICE) No need for that, bitch.
849
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,009
Bitch?! (HIGH PITCHED SQUEAL)
Front door open.
850
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,288
No, you did not just call me a bitch!
Front door open...
851
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:26,441
(SCREAMING)
852
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,051
Honey?
Dan?!
853
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:34,171
I am so sorry. I didn't know
who you were and...
854
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:38,046
It's OK, honey, it was an accident.
Right, Caesar?
855
00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:40,971
And of course he can stay here.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
856
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,367
Look at that. Caesar wants to help out
around the house.
857
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:47,521
Aw.
858
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,407
Hey... (SCREAMING)
859
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:58,681
I'm sorry, I see an ape,
I come out swinging.
860
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,963
That's understandable.
(GRUNTING)
861
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,645
Here you go.
862
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:06,770
I am so glad you're OK,
but tonight was a wake-up call.
863
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:10,720
I think we've got to find that cabin.
OK. I got an idea.
864
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:14,282
Wait, we fired Maria.
Who's gonna watch the kids?
865
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,960
I already took care of it.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
866
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,005
Naughty Nanny's here.
Nice to meet you, Naughty.
867
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:24,249
This is my wife Jody.
Threesome? That costs extra.
868
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,051
Oh, Jesus. Monkey, too?
869
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:32,125
Oh, you people are freaks,
but for an extra $100.
870
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:33,645
What agency did you call?
871
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:36,371
Oh, they have nurses
and cheerleaders and nannies.
872
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:38,807
Dan, you called an escort service.
873
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,645
I used the same agency
to book a Santa for Christmas.
874
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:43,490
Someone called for Santa?
875
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,961
Ho,ho,ho.
876
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,048
Dan, you're watching the kids.
877
00:52:56,600 --> 00:53:00,924
(NARRATOR) Jody was nervous
about what she might find at the cabin,
878
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,684
but she was comforted by the fact
879
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:06,287
that Caesar and the girls
were in good hands.
880
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:07,891
(GRUNTING)
881
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,761
(LAUGHING)
882
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:28,205
(GRUNTS)
(THUD)
883
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,206
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
884
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,521
Who do you work for?
885
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:38,681
(HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS)
886
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:40,763
(JODY) Kendra, this isn't
the cabin I was talking about.
887
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,924
(KENDRA) I know, I just
thought you needed to relax.
888
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:45,127
Take one of these.
889
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:48,611
Um, I don't know.
890
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,570
Oh, come on, they'll only last
a couple of hours, tops.
891
00:53:51,720 --> 00:53:54,883
Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun.
892
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:57,651
(SCREAMING)
893
00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:00,321
Let me take a picture.
OK.
894
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:01,641
Oh, that's so hot!
895
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:03,490
Yeah!
896
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,731
Yeah, ride it, yeah, yeah!
897
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,765
A dollar will make me holler,
honey boo boo child.
898
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:28,049
(SCREAMING)
899
00:54:28,240 --> 00:54:29,685
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
900
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:31,922
(SHOUTING)
901
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,931
(ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC PLAYS)
902
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,167
Sorry.
(MOUTHING)
903
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:17,167
(EXHALES)
904
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:18,961
(GASPS)
905
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:23,322
(BOTH GASP)
906
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:27,642
I don't always go downtown,
907
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:31,765
but when I do,
I drink a beer first.
908
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:35,686
I'm the king of the world!
Woo! Woo!
909
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,011
(GRUNTS) I'm wicked hard!
910
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,091
(GRUNTING)
911
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:43,806
Mind if I play through?
912
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:45,686
(GLASS BREAKING)
Ooh, shit!
913
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,923
Again? You son of a bitch,
I'm gonna kill you!
914
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:15,769
(TRAIN HORN)
915
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,082
(FOG HORN SOUNDS)
916
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:29,922
(PANTING) Oh, my God,
rehearsal. I'm late.
917
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:34,769
Oh, no, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
918
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:37,161
(PIANO PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC)
919
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:44,522
(APPLAUSE)
920
00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:48,969
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
921
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:53,848
Stop, stop!
Oh, Jody, thank God you're here, girl.
922
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:55,411
I was just dancing and kissing him
923
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,005
'cause I didn't want him
to think about you being late.
924
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,367
Well, I'm the dancer, so I'll do
the kissing around here.
925
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,210
That was amazing.
926
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,440
I want you to have my children.
927
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,967
But, Papa, please,
we want to stay with you.
928
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,407
Back in the car, Gaston.
Aw...
929
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,244
She can't make you forget about me.
930
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,482
I overslept because you
just took off this morning.
931
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:16,210
This morning?
Yeah, you slept over.
932
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:19,091
What? Wait a minute, did you have
some kind of lezzo dream fantasy
933
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,242
about me?
Don't act like you weren't there.
934
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:24,244
We had something special.
We made love last night for hours.
935
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,164
What?
Oh, and now you're gonna tell me
936
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:27,651
Tiger Woods didn't
come out of my vagina?
937
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:29,046
(ALL SPITTING, GASPING)
938
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,449
Jody.
(EXHALES, CHUCKLES)
939
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,489
What?!
940
00:57:35,680 --> 00:57:37,808
Oh, yeah, yeah.
941
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,167
Well, that explains the poison ivy.
942
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:41,731
Jody?
943
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:45,047
There you are.
Kendra?
944
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:46,850
Oh, the door was open
so I let myself in.
945
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,685
It's OK. Look, I'm so sorry.
946
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,366
I really believed something happened
between us last night.
947
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,683
I must have dreamt the whole thing.
Oh, no, we had sex.
948
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:57,365
But this morning at rehearsal,
you said...
949
00:57:57,520 --> 00:57:59,363
I can't have the whole cast
knowing my business.
950
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:01,010
I'm already doing half of 'em,
951
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:03,043
and besides, me and Pierre...
we have this little thing...
952
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:04,406
Wait, then, what's this?
953
00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:07,564
Beats me... must have
happened after I left.
954
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:11,042
Oh, yeah!
Girl, you are freaky.
955
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:14,609
(MICROWAVE DINGS)
Oh, yeah.
956
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,962
Oh, yeah, get it. Oh, my God.
957
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:21,209
(GROWLING)
Oh, shit!
958
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,204
(CRASHING)
See, I knew she was real.
959
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:28,482
(JODY) All right, let's find out
where this cabin is.
960
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,649
(MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER)
Ugh!
961
00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:41,487
(MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER)
962
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:45,401
(LILY PANTING)
963
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:48,680
(KENDRA) What in the hell?
(EXCLAIMS)
964
00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:51,002
Bad girl.
(WHIMPERING)
965
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:53,481
Oh, what is this?
966
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:57,201
(JODY) Oh, my God, it's the same
cabin from the dream. Of course.
967
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:00,489
(KENDRA) So, what are we gonna do
if we find that book?
968
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:03,331
(JODY) I don't know, if that's the book
that turned Mama into what she is,
969
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:06,051
maybe it could
somehow reverse the curse.
970
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:07,690
OK, we're almost there.
971
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:12,163
Hey, I'm not going in there.
We have to go inside.
972
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,569
The book is the key
to the nightmare I'm living.
973
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,281
Oh, my gosh, who are you?
I'm Jody and this is Kendra.
974
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:21,204
We're looking for something
very important.
975
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:23,601
We all are. Come on in.
976
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:32,083
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
977
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:36,404
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
Go...
978
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:39,086
Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra.
979
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,004
Hello, Jody and Kendra.
Hi.
980
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,400
Pardon me for not standing,
981
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:45,086
but I'm mending the wing of this bird
that we found in the woods.
982
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,971
OK. Hi, we're in a hurry.
983
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:49,884
We're actually looking for
a book that could save lives.
984
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:52,407
Yes, I've got it right here.
Oh, thank God.
985
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:56,724
Thank him indeed. The Bible.
Here, let me read to you.
986
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,611
Oh, no, no, see,
we're actually looking for...
987
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:03,606
...the book of evil.
I know evil all too well.
988
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,649
You do?
This weekend's devoted to Mia.
989
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:07,086
It's a detox weekend.
990
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,727
She's hooked on energy shots.
991
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,484
Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle.
992
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:14,324
OK, listen,
we're looking for another book
993
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,165
somewhere in this cabin.
Hm. We haven't seen anything.
994
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:19,004
We gave it a shot,
let's get out of here.
995
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:21,003
OK, wait.
996
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:24,243
Is there a cellar?
(SCOFFS) Great.
997
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,082
There it is.
Oh!
998
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:49,051
OK, I don't care what it says.
999
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,289
"The curse begins with four words.
1000
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,808
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1001
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,440
(SCREAMING)
1002
01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:09,051
(DISTORTED)
You're all going to die tonight.
1003
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:12,167
(SNORTING, COUGHING)
1004
01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:14,049
(NORMAL VOICE)
You're all going to die tonight.
1005
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,207
(SCREAMING)
(BIRD COOING)
1006
01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:30,090
(JODY) "The curse ends with one word.
1007
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,844
Adunda."
1008
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:35,811
What the heck?
1009
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:39,447
Why? (SOBBING)
I don't have an arm.
1010
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,411
For some reason
I cut my tongue in half.
1011
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:47,007
OK, well, let's at least finish
the song. Everyone hold hands.
1012
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,403
Except for Eric.
Damn.
1013
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:54,650
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
1014
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:58,964
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
1015
01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,600
Well, maybe we didn't do it right.
1016
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,525
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1017
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:07,766
(SCREAMING)
1018
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,328
"Adunda."
1019
01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:22,131
Why does this keep happening?
Where's my arm?
1020
01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:24,760
Is this yours?
That's a left.
1021
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:26,445
That's mine.
Could you hand it to me, please?
1022
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:29,126
I need a right.
Eric chainsawed it off.
1023
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,567
Look, I'm sorry.
My... My leg?
1024
01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:34,087
No, that's black. It's not mine.
1025
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:36,846
Oh, shit.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
1026
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:39,844
(SOBBING)
Oh, cry me a river.
1027
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,002
I'm gonna need a little help.
I have to go to the bathroom.
1028
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,961
My penis is in the corner.
This is fucked up.
1029
01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:48,645
Let me try.
1030
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:55,327
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1031
01:02:58,200 --> 01:02:59,201
Nothing again.
1032
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:00,885
(SCREAMING)
1033
01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:04,290
You know what? Let's go.
Wait, there's a door right here.
1034
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:05,771
Let's go out this way.
1035
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,366
OK, cool, we can avoid
the weirdos upstairs.
1036
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:12,002
(DISTORTED) ♪ We're gonna get you
1037
01:03:12,160 --> 01:03:14,970
3 Not another peep
1038
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:16,485
(SHRIEKS)
1039
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:22,928
(JODY, KENDRA) Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
1040
01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,641
(JODY) Kendra and I recited
the Latin words over and over
1041
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:27,882
at the cabin and on the way home.
1042
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:30,850
We must have said it a hundred times,
but nothing happened.
1043
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:32,206
What if it isn't the right book?
1044
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:34,681
Maybe the curse
has somehow been lifted.
1045
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:40,048
(NARRATOR) Luckily for Dan and Jody,
there was someone in the house
1046
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:42,521
who, thanks to the I-13 formula,
1047
01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:46,480
had increased intelligence
and superior cognitive ability.
1048
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:49,211
His analytical problem-solving skills
allowed him...
1049
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:52,170
(BABY LAUGHING)
...to ascertain crucial information.
1050
01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:57,281
A marvel of modern-day science,
his IQ had surpassed even the most...
1051
01:03:57,440 --> 01:03:58,726
Aw, hell.
1052
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:07,603
(COOING)
1053
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:11,209
(ECHOING GROAN)
1054
01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:19,963
(GROWLING, GRUNTING)
1055
01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:23,447
(SCREAMING)
1056
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:31,569
Why did I think
you could be intelligent?
1057
01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:33,762
You're nothing but a dumb animal.
1058
01:04:33,920 --> 01:04:35,285
Ow!
1059
01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:37,249
Idiot!
1060
01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:41,921
I can talk.
(MAN) Hey, Caesar.
1061
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:46,604
(GASPS) Steve?
1062
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:48,444
Dan's got a mad demon in his house.
1063
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:52,329
Matt Damon's in his house?
No, a mad demon.
1064
01:04:52,480 --> 01:04:56,565
I love Matt Damon. Jason Bourne.
(IMITATES GUNFIRE)
1065
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:57,926
Oy.
1066
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,729
I should have known not to bring
a wild animal into the house.
1067
01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:05,524
I'm... I'm so sorry.
1068
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:07,682
But I believed in Caesar.
I thought he was different.
1069
01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:09,006
There's something more to this.
1070
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:12,528
I can feel it.
No, he just... went crazy.
1071
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:16,042
Forget it. But I still think Mama
could be in this house.
1072
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:17,964
But don't you...
We just had a whole night go on
1073
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:21,886
without a single sign of anything.
I guess.
1074
01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:24,803
I was just so scared
last night for the kids.
1075
01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:26,450
You're coming around.
1076
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:31,447
(JODY) Am I getting attached to them?
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)
1077
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:14,444
(JODY) It's the cliff from the dream.
1078
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:17,930
(DISTORTED VOICE) Get in the car now.
Don't make me yell!
1079
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:20,686
Unto thee, Satan,
I sacrifice these children.
1080
01:06:20,840 --> 01:06:23,286
Return home to the cliff of...
Holy shit!
1081
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:25,010
(SCREAMING)
(KATHY CRYING)
1082
01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:27,766
Home is at the cliff.
Oh, my God. Girls!
1083
01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:32,167
Kathy. It's OK. I saw the cliff.
I know what "home" means.
1084
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,129
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
1085
01:06:34,280 --> 01:06:38,285
(MOANING)
(SCREAMING)
1086
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:45,129
Whoa!
(CRASH)
1087
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:48,565
Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan.
1088
01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:50,563
That's cool.
1089
01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:53,087
Lily! Come on.
1090
01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:56,849
Aidan! Are you OK?
(SCREAMING)
1091
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:07,529
Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan!
1092
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,170
Mama! Mama! Mama!
1093
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:10,446
(GROWLING)
She's here!
1094
01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:13,524
Whoa. Girls, girls, girls.
One at a time. Lily, you first.
1095
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,604
(GROWLING)
1096
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:18,086
Got it. Now Kathy.
1097
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:20,686
Mama! Mama! She's here!
She's gonna kill us!
1098
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:23,241
How many times do I have to tell
everyone there's no such thing as...
1099
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,050
(SCREAMING).
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
1100
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:33,004
(SCREAMING)
1101
01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:36,604
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
1102
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:50,406
(CHUCKLES) Ow!
1103
01:08:08,280 --> 01:08:09,964
(GROANING)
1104
01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:11,724
Maria? What are you doing here?
1105
01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:14,724
I was angry you fire me,
so I bake you this.
1106
01:08:16,080 --> 01:08:19,163
(FLIES BUZZING)
A shit pie?
1107
01:08:19,360 --> 01:08:22,443
Uh, thanks, but...
Hot dog?
1108
01:08:24,200 --> 01:08:27,329
No, that's still shit with mustard.
1109
01:08:27,480 --> 01:08:31,724
Maybe just a banana, then?
Very much potassium.
1110
01:08:31,920 --> 01:08:34,446
So bueno, Mr. Dan.
1111
01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:36,887
No, I... I'm sorry.
I should have listened to you...
1112
01:08:37,040 --> 01:08:41,443
Mr. Dan, we have our problems,
but I always love you.
1113
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,045
So much.
1114
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:45,688
(MUFFLED GRUNTS)
1115
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:51,365
When I see you, I see my father.
1116
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:55,245
Dan. Dan, we have to...
1117
01:08:56,360 --> 01:08:59,409
Wait. What's going on here?
I can explain.
1118
01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:02,362
There's no time. Mama has the girls.
I know where she took them.
1119
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:05,289
Got to go.
1120
01:09:05,440 --> 01:09:06,930
You remind me of my father.
1121
01:09:07,120 --> 01:09:08,849
(JODY) Dan!
1122
01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:13,649
(NARRATOR) Knowing the girls
were in danger,
1123
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:17,043
Dan and Jody sped off,
racing to get to the cliff they...
1124
01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:19,407
Oh, my God. What happened to the car?
1125
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,005
Where...? Oh, there it is.
1126
01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:25,449
They were no longer able to sit idly by
and let a ghost jump off a cliff,
1127
01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:27,210
sacrificing their children with her.
(DAN) Kathy! Lily!
1128
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:30,045
Oh, my God. There they are.
Kathy, Lily, stop!
1129
01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:32,720
(GRUNTING, GROWLING)
1130
01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:35,008
What do we do now?
Um, I'll just...
1131
01:09:35,160 --> 01:09:36,810
...read from this
and change her back to human.
1132
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:38,041
(SCREAMING)
(GROWLING)
1133
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,166
Girls, run! Run! No.
1134
01:09:48,320 --> 01:09:49,890
No, not that way. Away from the cliff!
1135
01:09:52,360 --> 01:09:53,566
I'm not going to let Mama
take you away again.
1136
01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:55,961
(WHISTLING)
Hm?
1137
01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:04,051
Lily, stop! Come on.
Come on. Here, girl. Come on, Lily.
1138
01:10:05,400 --> 01:10:09,086
Come on. Look. Oh, look. Yeah.
1139
01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,447
(SQUEALS)
(PANTS)
1140
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:18,406
Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily.
1141
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:21,450
Oh, wow. Yeah.
1142
01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:23,880
Oh, come on.
1143
01:10:24,920 --> 01:10:27,730
Enough! This is crazy.
1144
01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:30,486
Lily's not a dog.
(WHIMPERS)
1145
01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:33,120
She's a beautiful little girl
who I've grown to love.
1146
01:10:33,280 --> 01:10:36,727
I love all these children, Mama,
even if they don't all love me.
1147
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:41,130
Lily loves you, too, Jody.
(LILY PANTING)
1148
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:42,850
And they belong in this world
with me and Dan.
1149
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:45,606
Because they deserve parents
who aren't decomposing.
1150
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:48,165
Good girl.
1151
01:10:48,320 --> 01:10:51,449
(SQUEALING)
All right, enough.
1152
01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:54,562
Where's the page?
Damn it, I can't find it.
1153
01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:56,165
Forget it.
1154
01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:58,322
There, that worked. Maybe not.
1155
01:10:58,520 --> 01:10:59,885
(GROWLING)
1156
01:11:03,120 --> 01:11:05,930
(GROWLING)
(HOWLING IN PAIN)
1157
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:12,480
(SCREAMING)
1158
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:15,166
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
1159
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:17,288
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
1160
01:11:17,440 --> 01:11:19,920
Man, we need to stop smoking this shit.
1161
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:26,207
Told you that shark
was going to come in handy.
1162
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:28,601
Thank you. Lily.
1163
01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:31,482
Honey, thank God you're all right.
1164
01:11:44,160 --> 01:11:47,004
Your cue is coming up.
Oh, Kendra.
1165
01:11:49,760 --> 01:11:52,001
Look, it's OK, girl.
Let's forget about what happened.
1166
01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:56,364
You are the Black Swan.
No. It's you.
1167
01:11:56,520 --> 01:12:00,445
Throwing Mama off the cliff has really
made me reevaluate my priorities.
1168
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,729
My family comes first.
You dance the Black Swan.
1169
01:12:04,960 --> 01:12:07,440
Because sometimes in life...
OK.
1170
01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:13,808
(MAN) Introducing our new Swan Queen,
Miss Kendra Brooks.
1171
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:16,042
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
1172
01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:38,803
This is not ballet.
No, it the hell ain't.
1173
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:42,409
This some bullshit.
1174
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:47,330
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
1175
01:12:47,480 --> 01:12:49,244
(YELLING)
1176
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:54,164
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1177
01:12:54,320 --> 01:12:57,244
That's what I'm talking about!
Right? Right?
1178
01:12:57,400 --> 01:12:58,811
You know that shit, right?
1179
01:12:58,960 --> 01:13:01,964
(NARRATOR) And so our story ends.
1180
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:04,282
If anything is to be learned from this,
1181
01:13:04,480 --> 01:13:07,450
it's that mankind is a pathetic race
1182
01:13:07,600 --> 01:13:10,968
and apes need to take over this planet.
1183
01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:14,602
Enjoy Earth while you still got it.
(LAUGHING)
1184
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:17,924
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
1185
01:13:57,400 --> 01:14:01,086
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
1186
01:14:19,160 --> 01:14:22,323
(LAUGHING QUIETLY)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1187
01:14:22,520 --> 01:14:25,729
I cannot hold it that long.
It's, like... it's so long.
1188
01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:38,605
(BLEEPING)
1189
01:14:48,160 --> 01:14:50,925
(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
1190
01:14:56,720 --> 01:14:58,404
We're kissing.
1191
01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:05,402
' (LAUGHING)
(MAN) Cut! Cut!
1192
01:15:07,120 --> 01:15:08,565
Cut!
(LAUGHING)
1193
01:15:12,320 --> 01:15:13,321
We're kissing.
1194
01:15:32,600 --> 01:15:35,683
(LAUGHTER)
(MAN) Cut!
1195
01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:46,563
(BANG)
(GASPS)
1196
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:48,881
(LAUGHTER)
1197
01:15:49,040 --> 01:15:51,486
What happened?
(MAN) Guy was in the shot.
1198
01:15:51,640 --> 01:15:54,166
Ah.
(MAN) Cut!
1199
01:15:54,360 --> 01:15:55,646
But was he dressed like a demon?
1200
01:15:58,760 --> 01:16:00,524
(MAN) Do the second "my penis"
as a question.
1201
01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:02,762
OK. And then "my other penis"
is a question also?
1202
01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:04,126
(MAN) Yeah.
OK.
1203
01:16:04,280 --> 01:16:06,203
But remember, you're jumping
to "What the hell is that?"
1204
01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:08,442
I know. I don't know why.
You're jumping... Yeah.
1205
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:10,329
There's just so many penises.
1206
01:16:10,480 --> 01:16:12,881
(MAN) Welcome to Hollywood.
(LAUGHING)
1207
01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:18,287
I'm ready for it.
Hey.
1208
01:16:18,440 --> 01:16:19,965
I'm OK with this.
1209
01:16:20,120 --> 01:16:23,044
That's the temporary nurses' shower.
1210
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,123
And we're painting it.
Cut.
1211
01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:28,284
That's the... temporary nurses' shower.
1212
01:16:28,440 --> 01:16:30,090
I'm OK with this.
1213
01:16:34,160 --> 01:16:35,969
Sorry, you guys. I...
1214
01:16:39,480 --> 01:16:40,811
I'm OK with this.
1215
01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:44,407
That's the nurses'
temporary locker room,
1216
01:16:44,560 --> 01:16:46,210
and we're repainting it.
1217
01:16:47,880 --> 01:16:49,166
' (LAUGHING)
(MAN) Cut.
1218
01:16:56,080 --> 01:16:59,289
Ouch. Hello here!
1219
01:17:02,400 --> 01:17:03,481
(MAN) B mark!
1220
01:17:03,680 --> 01:17:05,569
And background.
(MAN 2) Action!
1221
01:17:08,360 --> 01:17:10,169
Oh! (BLEEPING)
1222
01:17:15,640 --> 01:17:18,769
Jody! Thank God I caught you.
1223
01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:22,564
I forgot to tell you, now that
you are the Swan Queen...
1224
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:27,851
Suck my... (BLEEP)
1225
01:17:30,440 --> 01:17:32,602
I'll save you, Snoop Dogg.
1226
01:17:32,760 --> 01:17:35,923
My name ain't Snoop Dogg
in this... (BLEEPING) movie, man!
1227
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:38,048
(LAUGHING)
1228
01:17:41,160 --> 01:17:43,367
Well, I mean, I...
Sh...
1229
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:46,684
(LAUGHING)
1230
01:17:53,520 --> 01:17:54,521
Stop it!
1231
01:17:54,680 --> 01:17:56,569
We're good. We're good.
1232
01:17:59,680 --> 01:18:02,889
(MAN) Now prepare for a night
of unparalleled passion.
1233
01:18:03,040 --> 01:18:05,725
Oh, wait, wait, Mr. Grey...
The safe word is "deeper."
1234
01:18:05,880 --> 01:18:06,881
What?
(WHIP CRACKS)
1235
01:18:07,040 --> 01:18:07,962
(SCREAMING)
1236
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,081
(JODY) Damn! Ow!
1237
01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:16,571
Whoa!
1238
01:18:20,680 --> 01:18:22,489
What does all this
have to do with the ballet?
1239
01:18:22,640 --> 01:18:26,167
Ballet? (CHUCKLES)
Yes. Aren't you donating millions?
1240
01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:28,084
Millions? What...? I'm broke.
1241
01:18:28,240 --> 01:18:30,242
Every cent I have
has been put into this room.
1242
01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:37,280
I don't know what I'm going to do.
(SOBBING)
1243
01:18:37,480 --> 01:18:40,006
Oh, cry me a river.
1244
01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:44,609
I'm going to need a little help.
I don't have a penis.
1245
01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:47,491
(LAUGHING)
1246
01:19:02,840 --> 01:19:04,365
It does not come off.
1247
01:19:04,520 --> 01:19:06,568
It does not come off. I'm sorry.
1248
01:19:09,720 --> 01:19:11,643
I'm getting tired of talking
about this... (BLEEP)
1249
01:19:11,800 --> 01:19:13,768
In the woods with this man.
1250
01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:17,481
(BLEEP) ...man, we keep going in
circles, talking about a... (BLEEP) man.
1251
01:19:17,640 --> 01:19:18,971
Let's talk about a... (BLEEP) man,
1252
01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:20,804
or getting some...
(BLEEP) getting some...
1253
01:19:20,960 --> 01:19:22,962
Talking about... (BLEEP)
these two dudes in the woods.
1254
01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:27,250
If we had a... (BLEEP) here, she could
wash our... (BLEEP) off right now.
1255
01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:29,880
You understand me?
That's the way I would say it.
1256
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:34,764
Hey, babe, check out
this psychic's book for a clue.
1257
01:19:34,920 --> 01:19:37,685
It really freaks me out.
Come on, there's nothing to be...
1258
01:19:37,840 --> 01:19:39,604
Nuh!
1259
01:19:39,760 --> 01:19:42,491
These books are all...
(SCREAMS)
1260
01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:45,211
There's nothing to be scared...
(SCREAMING)
1261
01:19:50,400 --> 01:19:53,483
...to be scared... (SCREAMING)
1262
01:19:54,800 --> 01:19:56,131
Oh, there's nothing to be scared...
1263
01:19:56,280 --> 01:19:58,089
Oh, wrong animal. (BLEEP)
1264
01:19:59,480 --> 01:20:02,643
...be scared... A dinosaur? (BLEEP)
1265
01:20:06,840 --> 01:20:08,808
What does this have to do with...?
1266
01:20:08,960 --> 01:20:10,689
(LAUGHING)
1267
01:20:13,160 --> 01:20:14,207
I know. Sorry.
1268
01:20:16,040 --> 01:20:18,088
(MAN) And... action!
1269
01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:21,847
What does this have to do with...?
(LAUGHTER) Sorry.
1270
01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:29,320
You just keep cupping your boobs.
OK, sorry.
1271
01:20:47,480 --> 01:20:49,482
OK, how do we know who's a witch?
1272
01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:54,242
Do they have a broom?
1273
01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:55,811
Do they have a pointy nose?
1274
01:20:55,960 --> 01:20:58,725
(ALL LAUGHING)
1275
01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:06,285
I'm... I'm going to pee my pants!
1276
01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:15,365
So, what, I didn't get the part?
1277
01:21:15,520 --> 01:21:17,409
Where's everybody going?
1278
01:27:22,120 --> 01:27:24,361
(SCORE PLAYING THROUGH HEADPHONES)
1279
01:27:27,080 --> 01:27:29,321
I just had the most bizarro dream.
1280
01:27:29,480 --> 01:27:31,687
Demons, apes, a ballet.
1281
01:27:31,840 --> 01:27:34,127
You have a very active subconscious.
1282
01:27:34,280 --> 01:27:36,521
Anyway, the idea took hold.
1283
01:27:36,680 --> 01:27:39,570
Lindsay Lohan's coming over
to spend the night with you.
1284
01:27:39,720 --> 01:27:41,563
Awesome!
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
1285
01:27:48,680 --> 01:27:49,920
You were driving.96823
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