Original subtitles

Will you be long, miss?

If you saw me for the first time, how old would you say I am?

How old precisely?

Well, rounded to the nearest ten.

Forty!-

Forty? You think I look forty? - You got this in the mail.

I can't see.

"Invitation to a class reunion. '

"Twenty years have passed since we parted ways, -

and now we are pleased to announce our class reunion. '

Bye, sweetie! I'm going to see Grandpa.

Mom will take you to practice. Kiss kiss.

"We've come up with a small task for everyone. "

"As class president, yours is to make a speech. "

REUNION

So you've been having trouble with your stomach. - Yes.

At least that's what I told Jaana.

I think it's better that she doesn't know -

about the trouble I've been having in the nether regions -

for quite some time already.

Have you had sex with a prostitute? Goddammit.

And I was afraid you'd never become a man.

Were you on a business trip or how did you find...?

A prostitute? Do men really go to them?

Right. I was just... kidding. - Right.

Don't tell Jaana what I said.

She wouldn't understand this kind of humor.

You understand? - I won't say a word.

I've been having trouble... I guess I must've been sitting too much.

I see. You mean in the backdoor? - Yes.

Alright, let's take a look.

Excuse me? A look inside? - Yes, I'm a doctor.

But you're also my father-in-law. - Here I'm more a doctor.

Can't you just prescribe something? - Not without taking a look.

Drop the pants.

Holy shit. That's quite a bunch of burn grapes.

Who are you calling? - Hello? Bring me the clinic camera.

Have you been under stress lately?

You like to touch these? - Touch them?

Some people like to touch them.

Keep your pants down. I'll take photos. Come on in.

I'll just take the trash. - No problem.

Hello.

These tend to get infected when you play with them.

This one looks like a French plum. - A plum?

Hi.

I found this. But it's not the clinic's camera. - Whose is it?

It's Jarska's. Our drunk janitor's.

What do you want me to photograph? - These grapes.

Is this really... - Hush. We're trying to work here.

Whoah. Looks like a bag of new potatoes.

I'd say they're almond potatoes.

I'll take a low-angle shot. - Yeah.

Try to relax. Take a couple of deep breaths.

Try to look happy; your backside looks depressing enough.

I'll spread it for you.

Good. Alright, we got it.

Great shots.

I'm Tuomas Lilja. Thank you!

You've been a great audience. Thank you.

Tuomas Lilja! Tuomas Lilja!

Hello, girls.

Hi.

I can't believe I got to fuck you again.

We've fucked before? - You don't remember?

Have you changed your hair? - No. Do me doggy style.

Now I remember.

Where are you going?

Hey! Get back here!

Going to bed. You can come over if you want. Leila.

Guess who?

Reetta! - Great to see you. Nice gig.

Hi, I'm Reetta. - Hi.

Nice butt.

Sorry. Thanks a fuck of lot, Reetta.

Where are you going?

I'll go buy fresh bread for breakfast from the bakery.

Tuomas. - Yeah?

Can you also bring those delicious cinnamon rolls? - Sure.

A pack of organic coffee, please. - Okay.

Good morning, Daddy. - Morning.

You can take the helmet off. - I want to be a role model

People might think you're old.

Hi. What can I get you?

I'll have... Damn, Jaana's handwriting is so small.

One ciabatta, four rye rolls and two croissants. - Okay.

You know Hanne? - Of course.

And you know she's into yoga now.

Antti feels like he lost her to stretching.

You know what?! happen next. You'll be jealous of a yoga matt.

Things got out of hand for Antti.

Suddenly they were sitting in couples therapy.

Antti just doesn't turn me on anymore. - I understand.

Can you believe it? The perfect couple from school.

We therapists have one piece of advice for people like you.

Carpe diem.

Antti was going to have to work hard to save his relationship.

Despite all the hard work...

Antti.

I'm in love. - With who?

Carpe diem. Carpe diem.

With Karno.

Antti, let me do this with Hanne. Carpe diem.

The couples therapist? - Yeah. He's like 25.

He's 25?

Is that all? - That's all for me.

I'll have a couple of spelt rolls.

And guess what Hanne did then?

That's when you know it's over.

Will you be alright? - Yeah, I will

Ville, let's go! - Yeah.

Now Ville sees his dad every other week.

Alright. Bye. - Bye.

Everything will be alright. See you soon.

Can you imagine? Twenty years together down the drain.

It's terrible. Antti probably won't attend the class reunion.

He's not that lonely.

What's the matter? - Nothing. [just have hemorrhoids.

Is everything okay at home? - Yeah. It's not that.

What is it?

You remember Mr. KyröIä's speech at the graduation -

and how we laughed at him?

One day you'll wake up.

And this party will be over.

We're like him now. We're old. - No, we're not.

Yes, we are old. - Times change. Forty is the new twenty.

These days it's okay -

for a seventy-year-old to be with twenty-something girls.

Really? - You have to get out more.

Flirt with girls and blow off some steam.

We'll take Antti with us. - I'm not going to the reunion.

You're worried about the speech? - What am I going to say?

That I have hemorrhoids and I can't seduce my wife anymore?

Listen. We'll spend the weekend there.

We'll stay at a nice hotel and pick up girls.

We'll go to the reunion and you'll give a great speech.

It'll be a blast, I promise. - I don't know...

If you don't do it for us, do it for Antti. He needs us.

I don't know... - Please say yes.

C'mon.

Hey... - No...

Yes, you will. - No...

Niklas, wait. Saara has something for you.

For the car ride.

Dad sent me photos. - I see.

Nice.

Say hi to the boys! - Yeah.

Well, look who it is. The man himself.

A great car for picking up girls. - Berlingo, a spacious family car.

Tuomas. Here's something you can share with your classmates.

A puppy picture of Remu. - Right. Thanks.

M, Leila. - m.

Bye.

Have fun! - Yep.

So you live here. - What do you mean?

You have those bags... - The boss himself!

Hi guys! - Hi.

It's great to see you.

Good to see you. - Hi.

You're late and you're warm.

I don't think so. We said noon and noon is... now.

Let's go.

Backseat!

You don't have to slam the door.

Why did you bring gas tanks? - I was asked to supply balloons.

I stole these from work. What were you asked to do?

I'll sing and Nippe will give a speech.

A speech? You? - Yeah.

I'm glad I only had to supply balloons.

I don't have to embarrass myself in front of everyone.

Thanks for the support.

You can lighten up the speech with the helium Antti brought.

"Hi, I'm Nippe and I have a small family car. "

No thanks. I'm still saying no to drugs.

Don't be such a buzz kill. The trip's just getting started.

That's right, guys! Let's go!

That's really mature. - Don't be such a bore.

What are they wearing? - One has a striped skirt.

The other one a dress that looks like it's made of curtains.

It wasn't me. My immature friends are goofing around.

Invite them to a sauna. - Oran orgy.

Did you just laugh at me?

Nippe.

The light's green. Let's go.

Wait. I locked the steering wheel.

Put the clutch down. - Let me do the driving, okay?

That's what I'm telling you to do. - Guys, somebody's coming over.

Nippe, you take care of this.

Are you gonna drive or are we gonna have to have a talk!

What are you staring at, you old fart?

I think we're gonna have to talk. - Tuomas Lilja, dammit.

Can I take a photo with you? - Sure.

Press the red button. - Here we go.

Got it. Nippe

Let's take one more. And a couple more.

Say cheese! - That's it.

Okay, we're done.

Thanks a lot. Sorry for everything. - That's okay.

We gotta go. Enjoy the photos.

What the fuck?

Fuck!

Hey guys!

Dammit, guys! I'll beat the shit out of you!

What's the matter?

Antti can tell you.

I don't know what he's talking about. - Right.

Antti pissed in the guy's car.

That guy back there?

Yeah, right.

Are you serious? You can't piss in people's cars.

He called me an old fart.

So, if someone calls you an old fart, you piss in his car?

That's right. Call me an old fart, I piss in your car. - Right.

I'm not an old fart.

Another guy who can't deal with getting old. - What?

Nothing.

The Catherine Suite package is all-inclusive. - Alright.

She's pretty.

I think I still got your number. - I think I got yours.

I think you got mine too.

Breakfast is sewed from seven to ten.

Dammit, guys! We're here! This is so cool! - What's next?

I'm waiting for a text about tonight's party. Let's eat something.

Maybe we should hit the gym. - Yeah, exercising is a good idea.

The girl in the pink top is pretty hot.

A little too much weight for you? - No, it's the hemorrhoids.

Is it Leila? - No, it's this chick named Reetta.

I don't get it. Leila is such a great girl

Why don't you move in together?

I'll go get water.

One more set.

I guess Leila doesn't want children, or what do you think?

I'm sure she does.

What about you guys?

We decided one kid is enough. - You decided or Jaana did?

We did. I've been thinking about getting a vasectomy.

What the hell? - Well, Jaana is already thirty-five.

I didn't mean that. You just checked out my girl.

Your girl? - My girl.

Don't look at her.

Your girl? - Yeah. I saw her first.

You saw her first?

We made eye contact when we got here.

I worked hard for her.

That's how it goes? - Yeah.

As a friend, you have to respect natural selection.

That's alright. You can keep her.

What's that supposed to mean? - What?

You made it sound like you're giving her to me.

Who? - Her.

I just said you can have her. She's all yours.

Oh my God. You and Tuomas are exactly alike.

"Let's help our friend. ' "That ugly fatso. '

I'll go shower. Maybe you should too.

Don't tell me what to do.

Maybe I could talk about our friendship in the speech.

We're kind of like brothers in arms.

There doesn't seem to be much left of our friendship.

Forget about the girl. We're here because you're my best friends.

What can I do for you?

You shave your pubes? - Of course.

You don't get girls with a jungle like that.

That bird's nest will scare them.

You don't want them to get hairs in their mouth?

Wanna try? - No.

I wonder if Karno also shaves. - I'm sure.

So Hanne has...

God, I hate him.

Pubes aren't masculine anymore? - Only untrendy people have them.

They're not retro? - Yeah, like vinyl records.

You gotta shave them if you don't want to look like an old man.

I gotta take a nervous dump.

I wonder what Jaana will say. - She'll get excited.

Because I shaved my pubes before my class reunion?

This'll take a couple of minutes. Sorry.

Hi.

One technical question: how far up the ass should I shave?

As far as you like, but shave in the direction of hair growth.

You said against hair growth! - Why would I have said that?

Shit! - Show me.

They look like cherry tomatoes. - I told you this was a bad idea.

They look good. Let's go to the sauna. I'm freezing.

Guys! - They're fine. Get over here.

Hi.

Hello.

Guys, look. I can almost see my reflection in them.

Leave your disco balls alone.

So, you told Tuomas that you're gonna get snipped?

Why would you do that?

Why not? - If a man can't have children, he's not a man.

That's bullshit. - That's right.

A complete load of crap. - That's right.

Tuomas.

Is the reason you fuck around so much because you can't have children?

My dad couldn't either.

I mean, it was a miracle that he got my mom pregnant.

But that doesn't mean you can't have children.

I've had unprotected sex with half the female population, -

and no one has ever contacted me afterwards.

Have you done fertility tests?

The longer you wait, the worse your chances are. - That's right.

Tuomas, you have to find out.

You know what, guys?

We're going to get your sperm tested. - No, we're not.

We're going to party tonight. - Antti is right.

You've taken care of our balls externally.

The best we can do is to take care of yours internally.

I think I've had enough sauna.

What happened?

Is it the hemorrhoids? What's wrong?

My balls are stuck!

Shit. Let me help you. - Stop!

Don't hit him. His balls are stuck!

My balls are stuck! - Antti, stay here. I'll go get help.

I'll go get a camera. No one will believe me without a photo.

We have an emergency. You have a saw or a crow bar? - No.

But my shift just ended.

My husband will be here in thirty minutes.

I should... - Have you ever seen a hotel laundry room?

Okay. Antti will handle the situation.

That's Tuomas's bag.

Whoah, Tuomas.

This is one of the guys from the willy club.

Maybe this heat will straighten him out.

Tuomas will handle the situation.

Mom!

I gotta admit he's pretty tough.

Timo, the World Sauna Champion!

How about we get started by simmering our balls?

Here's more ice. Are you feeling better?

What took you so long? - I did my best.

Guys, I found us a fertility clinic just around the corner.

We can't leave Nippe here in this shape.

I'm coming with you.

It's important for you and these look better already.

They look good. Tuomas, now we'll go jerk off!

The test was positive. Yes. Congratulations!

I shouldn't say this, but Tuomas Lilja just walked in. The singer.

Okay. Thanks.

Guys, I'm not doing this.

Yes, you are. You're gonna get in there and take care of business.

Hi. Sorry you had to wait. So you want three tests?

Actually, yeah. Three tests.

You know the stupid bets guys make. - Yeah, I've seen them.

Fill out these forms and then fill up the cups.

Turn to your left. Remember to wash your hands.

I can't do this. I can't even touch it.

One technical question.

Do you have pornographic material here?

Oh no. This is not one of those places.

You should make do on your own. - That's okay.

Look this way.

Well, well.

Sorry for taking so long.

It's a miracle you could produce anything after today.

What's that supposed to mean? That I'm old?

That was one tanned guy. Does a tan make you look younger?

The former alpha male has to settle for eating bamboo -

and watching his former partner mating.

He must adapt to a big change.

Nippe, are you going to take long?

Promise me you won't laugh.

What's that on your face?

I tested Tuomas's self tanner, but it's a bit dark.

I don't have self tanner. - What?

Is that my hair color? - Hair color?

Why didn't you read the bottle? - I can't read because I'm so old!

Wash it off and let's go.

What do you think I've been trying to do for the last half an hour?

Nippe, you look okay. Let's go.

I think I'm done blowing off steam.

I'm not going anywhere. I'm done.

Muff pie. - Cave.

Meat wallet. - Narnia.

Broad-faced chicken.

Tommi Läntinen. - Singer Tommi Läntinen is not a synonym for pussy.

Your turn to get drinks. - I mean he's here.

Oh. Tommi!

Tuomo! - Tuomas.

Sorry, Tuomas. - Love your song 'Via Dolorosa'!

Via Dolorosa.

That's a real ladies' man.

What do you think he'll do tonight? - He'll fuck, of course.

Guys, I'm sorry, but I have to close the bar.

One more round, please. - I'm sorry I can't.

Just a small drink. - Have a nice night.

Time to call it a night. - Don't you be a drag too.

You can go out. I'll go check on Nippe.

Bye.

Antti! Antti. - What?

Please don't go to bed yet.

I don't want to go out by myself. I need a wing man.

What about Nippe? - He's already asleep.

You need this. There's a bar full of women.

Women? - Yeah. Please say yes.

Come with me. Don't go to bed yet.

Hi honey. - Hi.

Why are you calling this late? - I just wanted to hear your voice.

How have you been?

Our big girl wanted to sleep in our bed.

I wish I was there with you.

Is everything alright?

Everything is fucked up.

What is it? - The guys went out and I'm trying to write the speech.

Read it to me.

"Dear alumni and 1995 junior high graduates. '

I'm sorry I can't hear you. - What?

Or was that all? - That was the best part.

I'm so tense all the time. I can't come up with anything...

Dry your tears and go out with your friends. That's why you're there.

I guess I need it. - You do.

Relax. I'm sure you look good.

Have fun. Goodnight. I love you.

All in.

Damn, what a place. - I told you.

Cheers.

What's your secret with women?

You really want to know? - I know. You're a star.

It's got nothing to do with being famous.

A real player taught me a trick that always works.

What is it? I need help.

Hello'! Where?

Let me talk to the bouncer.

Nippe is here!

Let him in. Thanks!

I hope he got that hair color off his face.

Hi guys! Sorry it took so long. What are we drinking?

What are you doing? - I'm here to party with my friends!

You're wasted! - [just had a couple of drinks.

Look after him. I'll go check out the VIP room.

Hi Tuomas. You're here as well. - Well, hello.

Hello. You're here as well

I mean, nothing. Sorry. - That's okay.

Nippe, dammit! Did you see how hot she was? - I did.

You just blew it! - You could've introduced me to her.

Antti, take the Del Monte man and sit him down over there.

Kama. - Fuck!

Why did you do that? - Our friend Oyster used to do that.

No, he did this.

Fuck! - Sorry.

That's okay. I love this music. What is it?

Let's get on the dance floor. Let's dance!

C'mon!

Good job, guys! - I can't see.

Let's go!

Nippe!

What's that? - The windmill.

You have to turn yourself in. You stole my moves.

Look at this! - Look at this! See how fast I'm moving?

I'm dead!

I'm back!

Wait a minute.

What's up, buddy? - Hi.

Did you find a girl? - I've got my bait in the water.

What did you say? - I've got my bait in the water.

Yep. - Of course.

Hey, they're leaving. - Who's leaving?

I gotta run! - Your mom? Invite her over.

Good luck!

What was the trick? The trick for picking up women!

You took my jacket. Is that an invitation? - Maybe.

That's the only thing you left us with.

Give me your numbers. I'll call you later.

"Fertility Clinic. " - Is there something wrong with your dick?

Have a sip. - Drink something.

No. - Don't be so uptight.

I don't want to. - I know you want it.

No. - C'mon.

Guys. - What is it?

Sorry.

C'mon, take it.

We bought you the drink. - I don't want it. Stop.

Hey, didn't we agree you'll be home by one?

Who are you, shit face?

Who are these gentlemen?

Shouldn't you introduce your friends to your dad?

Hi, I'm her dad.

Thanks, Dad. - No problem.

Have a nice night.

Let me guess. - What?

A bachelor party? - No, not a bachelor party.

You're not the groom? - What?

The groom? - No, I'm not. It's a bit complicated.

I have these cleansing wipes. - What?

Cleansing wipes. At home.

You wanna go?

Thanks.

Are you giving birth in there?

Karno! Motherfucker! You piece of shit!

You stole my wife!

Open the door! - Antti.

Get out! - I know you don't like me, -

but you have to learn to control your emotions.

Only by doing that will you find a new direction in life.

Some idiot is causing trouble in the toilet.

I'll take care of it.

I'll show you the new direction! - Antti.

Antti. - Carpe fucking diem.

I'm sorry.

Will you cuff this gorilla? He's crazy. - My pleasure.

Sorry about the car. Will an apology help?

Antti! Karno!

You too. - Sorry about last time. I didn't know anything about it.

Antti is slightly unstable at the moment-

because this couples therapist stole his wife.

You tried to save your relationship with couples therapy?

And he stole your wife? - Who cares? For once she had good sex.

Fuck off! - I'll take care of this.

Thanks.

May I introduce you to Mr. jolt. - Mr. who?

Two beers, please.

Did that really happen? - That was the sickest thing I've ever seen.

Mr. jolt!

Nippe should've seen that. Where is he?

It tickles.

You have laugh lines. - Don't let them fool you.

I'm unhappy and worn out. - Your vibe is a bit negative.

You might need one of these.

C'mon. How old do you think I am?

It's not Viagra. It just looks like it.

This is way better.

It'll clarify your thoughts and calm your mind.

You took one of those? - Of course.

I couldn't handle this without it. - You mean life?

That's how you feel now, but it gets better as you get older.

Like it did for you?

Does it really work?

Let's just say it's a small quantum leap -

back to a time when you were happy and carefree.

Maybe it's you I've been missing.

Not yet.

I'm married. - I know.

I'll do my thing and you just lie still, okay?

You tell me when you want me to stop, okay?

Yeah.

May 1?

Two blinks mean yes.

A hell of a good job, Nippe.

Sorry!

Now I remember.

He found a girl. Sandra. - Sandra'! Who's she?

He found her in the toilet. - it's no surprise with that face.

Tuomas! Wait! I'll just pay for the taxi.

You wanted to hear the trick for picking up girls? - Yeah.

Pick up the mousiest girl in the bar.

Do all the dirtiest tricks you know to her in bed.

I know a lot of them. - I know.

She'll tell her friends what an animal you are,-

and next time women will be lining up for you. - Thanks.

Remember: do all the tricks. - I will.

I'll go say goodbye to the bouncer. Wait here.

Excuse me, can I help you?

I'm looking for a guy named Tuomas Lilja. He was just here.

Tuomas is my friend.

He just went in. He'll be right back.

Tuomas is your friend? - Yeah.

Hi, I'm Reetta. - Antti.

Hi. - What's your name?

I'm Reetta. - That's right, you said it.

I'm Antti.

Your hand is nice and warm. - Oh, thanks.

What about your other hand? Oh, it's also warm.

Your hands feel like warm buns.

Sometimes you get a late-night craving for them. - For buns?

For buns. You want to grab a taxi and get laid? - Yeah.

I think I'm gonna fall...

Nippe.

Come on in.

You're finished?

Tuomas.

Don't ever call me again. We're done.

But your big friend can call me. He might want this back.

Tuomas. She took my watch.

I'm sure you got something better in return. - True.

I did all the tricks. - Let's go in.

Let's be quiet. Nippe's sleeping.

Was Nippe along for the ride? - Kinda.

"Dear alumni and 1995 junior high graduates. '

Help me. The reunion is in five hours and I have nothing.

I can't. I'm dead.

I didn't sleep at all last night. - Me neither.

Seriously, I can't do this. I'm gonna embarrass myself.

Speaking of which, who's Sandra?

Who? - Sandra.

You mean Sanni? just some girl I walked home.

Right. - Did you do her?

I certainly did not. - I'm sure he tried.

But then she saw your tomatoes.

Speaking of tomatoes, thanks a lot for this itch, Tuomas.

As if my balls weren't bad enough.

Your balls itch too? - Yeah.

I thought I got something from Reetta. - From who?

Stop it, will you? People will think you have crabs.

Ouch, it burned my mouth!

Hi, are you okay?

Feels so good.

But it keeps getting worse.

You feel better? - Yes.

Good.

Once you start, you can't stop. - Stop.

Oh, it feels so good.

I have to ask you to come with me. - Why?

I saw you two jerking off. - jerking off?

There's been a terrible misunderstanding.

We weren't looking at this little girl when were jerking off.

I mean we weren't jerking off at all.

She burned her mouth, and our friend gave her cold milk.

We weren't jerking off. We were scratching an itch.

An itch? You can tell your story to the police.

The police?

Listen, kid. There's a logical explanation for everything.

Niklas and I shaved our pubes yesterday. - Get up.

During this trip we've been trying to find out if he can have kids -

and if this man can finish his speech for our class reunion.

Besides, Niklas and I both have children. - That's right.

Besides, we all jerked off yesterday.

And I had sex this morning. Multiple times. With a woman.

You have no self-control

I could've spent those two hours writing the speech.

It's not about you anymore. It's about Tuomas's sperm.

Hi. - Oh, the gentlemen are back. Here are your results.

Tuomas. And Antti Kulmala.

And Niklas Lavonen. - Thanks.

Open yours first.

Guys! I have supersperm!

Suck that, Karno.

It says I have azoospermia. What does that mean?

The sperm count is so low that having children might be difficult.

But I have a child.

I guess you had your child some time ago. - He sure did.

Do you smoke? - No, but his eyesight is really bad.

That has nothing to do with it. Are you stressed? - Oh yeah, he is.

He's been stressing out the whole day about a little speech.

It's no little speech.

That can have an effect. So can age.

Forget about me.

Tuomas, how about you? You're the reason we're here.

I'm not opening it now. No way.

If I get shitty results like you, I won't be able to sing tonight.

And I'm supposed to give a speech? Give it to me. - No.

That's why we're here. - Stop.

Give it to me. - Guys, stop! Guys!

I can't fucking have children!

I can't have children. Nice.

You were going to get snipped anyway, so it's good news.

We did this for you.

Nippe. Shouldn't you get dressed?

I mean, unless you want to give your speech in your pajamas.

Is the speech ready?

You want to hear it? - Yeah.

"Dear alumni. It's great to see so many of you here. '

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag, python. "

Great speech.

I'd work on the middle part a little more.

Give me a couple of minutes.

Let's take some helium and cheer him up.

"Dear alumni. It's great to see so many of you here. '

"It'll clarify your thoughts and calm your mind. '

Guys, I'm ready.

You want to share it with us? - No, I'll keep it for myself.

I wonder if Eeva will be there. - Eeva the Butt.

I still fantasize about her.

I tell you, if I ever saw that butt naked, -

I'd never complain about anything ever again. - Wanna bet?

I'm serious.

Her butt is like the Holy Grail or the Shroud of Turin.

I wonder if she still has a hot butt.

If she does, I'm gonna fuck her.

She owes it to me after all those times she rejected me.

Imagine what I would be like if she had said yes just once.

You don't fuck a girl like Eeva.

You bang her gently. - The way you banged Reetta?

Who's Reetta? Did I miss something? Who is she?

Oh fuck. - Seriously.

This doesn't look so bad. - How am I going to avoid Hanne here?

I'm not singing at this funeral.

Finally!

We were getting a little worried.

You don't remember me, do you? - Of course we do.

Tum'? - Tum.

Tami? - Tami? - Toni.

Tomi. - That's right.

You bullied me in elementary school. And you fucked my sister.

And your mom.

I'll go get something to drink. - Me too.

Don't go too far. It's almost time for your speech.

You, troubadour, go check the equipment onstage.

I brought my laptop. - Would you like to meet my wife?

Maybe a little later. You know what I mean?

I'll go get a beer.

Dear alumni. As the master of ceremonies, -

I'll tell you a little bit about the evening's program.

First of all, our very own star Tuomas Lilja will be performing!

Tuomas, where are you? There you are.

Ladies, watch out for this man!

That goes for you men as well

Before Tuomas Lilja, -

I have the pleasure of inviting our class president onstage.

Niklas "Nippe" Lavonen has prepared a speech for us.

All this coming up real soon.

And once more: a warm welcome to you all.

Argh, it won't come off.

Sorry. I thought I was alone. Sorry.

Niklas. It's me, Eeva.

Eeva the Butt... Eeva.

Did you follow me? - No, I came here to take... a leak.

Have you been on vacation? - Yes.

Hi.

Two glasses of white wine, please.

Since when do you drink that crap?

Nice that you could make it. - Yeah, right.

How is Karno? - He's good. Why?

He's not having trouble in the nether regions, is he?

Let's just try to get through this somehow.

Funny you should say that.

This is difficult for me too. I'm sorry that...

I heard you're into young meat these days.

That makes two of us.

Bye khan. And a came (hem to you'.!

Tell Karno that Mr. jolt said hi!

Are you okay? - Yeah.

What a hag. Let's get drunk. I'm not performing here sober.

Sure.

But please don't say things like that about Hanne. - Okay. Sorry.

I think you missed these.

You weren't in our class, were you? I don't think we've met.

Maybe you just don't remember me. - I would if I had met you.

Did you see her? - Yeah. And here we go again.

Will you be okay? - Sure.

I'll be right back. Find Nippe. People are looking for him.

Do I look good?

You look good too.

I didn't know you used to come up here too. - I sure did.

I was afraid the janitor would realize the door was unlocked.

They never did. - That's right.

We were almost friends back then, -

and I've been wondering why we never...

Should we go? - What?

The dress is almost dry. - Oh, that's right.

Don't look. - No, I won't.

Let's go. We don't want to miss the party.

It's locked! - What?

Niklas!

You want some?

Tuomas.

Please don't stop.

Antti.

Lulu! - Long time no see.

Hi. - Have you seen my daughter Julia?

Your daughter? - Yes, Julia.

I haven't seen her. - She's waitressing here.

I haven't seen her. - She's always disappearing.

She takes after her father.

I see. Shall we catch up over a glass of wine?

Antti, I'm the daughter of a pastor.

I didn't know you'd become such a conversationalist.

I didn't either.

There you are. Thank God I found you.

What the hell is... Lulu, sorry. - It's okay.

I can't find Niklas and now Tuomas has disappeared.

Tuomas wasn't in there? - No, he wasn't.

We're in deep shit.

Forget about Nippe. You have a real Monsieur Tout-le Monde here.

Who? - You're funny.

Antti's gonna give a speech to be remembered. - I am?

Let's go. The mic is ready.

Did you hear something?

Only your music.

Want to hear the whole song? - Not now.

Damn. This is something different.

I've never felt this before... - Me neither.

Hello everyone. My name is Antti. - The microphone. The microphone.

My name is Antti. Antti Kulmala.

Here I am, giving you a speech.

Go, Antti! Yes! - Yes.

Hmm, what can I say.

I'm sure we've all had our ups and downs, but that's life.

I want to finish with some wisdom.

Apparently I don't really have any.

But actually a very good friend of mine gave me some advice:

When you come face to face with life, -

you have to show it all the tricks you know.

Live life to the fullest and make the most of it.

You have to do things that you might have only seen in videos.

That's what I've done this weekend and all I can say is -

that I'm pretty surprised.

Thank you.

Antti. Great speech. You aced it.

Where have you been? - With Julia. I'm in love.

We didn't even fuck. I'll tell you everything later.

Showtime.

Give it up for Antti Kulmala!

A great speech from a great friend.

It's great to be here with all of you on this fun Saturday.

Time to rock 'n' roll or what do you say?

Toni, it's time to rock.

My first song is about summer, love and champagne.

I think you know it.

Let's get this night started. One, two, three!

Good job, Eeva!

Come. I'll take you.

Can you take me? - I'm a man. I'll take you.

You sure? - I got you. I so got you.

Ouch, that hurt. Niklas!

Nippe.

Tomi! Tomi! Come here!

Nippe, what the hell are you doing? Eeva, where have you been?

It's embarrassing not knowing where your wife is.

Wait a minute. Have you two been somewhere together?

Of course not, honey bunny. - I couldn't find you.

I was with the girls.

We went there and when we came back, he was lying here.

I've taken two first-aid courses.

The most important thing is to stay calm.

Niklas, what's wrong with you?

He's probably having some kind of seizure.

No epilepsy bracelet or anything. I'll check his pockets.

Here's something. Is this your medicine?

Everything will be okay. You'll feel better in no time.

Here you go. Swallow.

Shit, he can't swallow.

Everything's okay. I have some brandy. Have a sip. Good.

Let's get him up and take him to the office.

Here we go. Everything's okay.

What's this?

Thank you. You've been a great audience!

The playback recording and I will take a short break.

Nippe! Where have you been? You missed a great party.

And I just met this amazing...

Are you okay? - Yeah.

I just gotta take care of one thing. Stay here.

That's an order. Stay here. - Yeah.

Are you on something? - The mic is melting.

Give me the mic. - No, I'm gonna give my speech now!

Hello, everyone.

Yowza! - Yowza to you too.

"Dear alumni. It's great to see so many of you here. '

This song...

Remember this song? The best song in the world, Maracena!

"Dear 1995 junior high graduates. '

A blue pill just asked me to sing for you.

What's the medicine I found in his pocket? - What medicine?

I'm sorry, but I feel so warm.

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag. '

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag. Python. '

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag. '

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag. '

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag. Python. '

I enjoyed your words of wisdom.

What words of wisdom? - Haha.

How did you come up with it? - Well, it's a long story.

Antti. - Yeah?

What's that? Can you hear it?

Nippe is giving his speech.

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag. '

"Poop, piece of ass, pussy, porn mag. Python. '

just follow the pill.

Antti Anaconda, come sing with us!

One more drink? A Campari would make you feel better.

I've been waiting the whole night for you to come talk to me.

Hi.

I gotta go. For you.

Thanks. - Bye.

Bye.

Whoah. Look, I got a number!

I got a number!

How are you doing? - Better by the minute.

We have to get Ville from my parents. - Tell them I said hi.

And sorry about... - About what?

About nothing.

I got this bouncer to give him an electric shock-

to the balls. - Sure. Goodnight. Bye.

He didn't even limp.

Let's go. I'll take you to the toilet.

Good. Everything! okay.

Hi.

Thanks for an interesting night. Fascinating speeches.

Is he okay? - Oh yeah.

He just had a little problem with his medication.

We're trying to figure out what happened. I'm sorry. - It's okay.

I enjoyed his show. - Yeah.

You found your daughter? - Julia is cleaning tables over there.

She's a hard-working girl. - I can tell.

Don't. - It's a piece of chewing gum.

No, it's not. Leave that alone. You threw it up.

You remembered me, even though I left for an exchange program.

We didn't see you much after that.

I had to leave. - Oh.

I got pregnant the summer we finished school

Oh. - It would've been a scandal in a small town like this, -

since I'm a pastor's daughter.

I see.

Who is... - ... Julia's father?

He doesn't know about Julia, and Julia doesn't know who he is.

I'm going to tell them tonight.

What? - Yeah.

Your friend Tuomas is Julia's dad.

Huh?

At least now you know that you're fertile.

The positive thing is that you didn't fuck her.

That's right. We didn't.

That's good. - That's really good.

Thanks. I'll be alright.

Guys, that was quite a trip.

It was. Thanks. - Thanks.

Yup. I'll take you home. - I can walk.

I'd like us to be in touch more, even in the bad times.

That's what friends are for. Nippe. - Antti Anaconda.

Yes.

Thanks.

Oh, don't. - Oh, sorry.

Don't laugh at Daddy. Your luck might turn any moment now.

Throw the dice.

Five. - Move there.

One, two, three, four, five.

Hi, you're home. - Hi.

How was the party? - It was great.

How was your speech? - Okay. It was okay.

Daddy's going to board a ship.

What happened to your face? - What do you mean?

It's blotchy. - I tried this hair color.

You put hair color on your face? - Everyone else looked so tan.

Right. Whose turn is it? - Yours.

Honey, let's go wash it off. - We're in the middle of a game.

Let's go wash it off. Saara can watch cartoons.

Oh, you mean wash wash?

We'll finish this game first. - Niklas, get over here.

Daddy, you should probably go.

Niklas! - Okay, let's just wash my face.

Jaana, I have to tell you something really important first.

I didn't want to do it. The guys made me do it.

Oh my God, what have you done?

That's what I was trying to tell you. - Well, it does look bigger.

Really?

No.

Tuomas, now we'll go jerk off!

Oh, how beautiful that woman is

Who is she and where did she come from?

Oh, how beautiful that woman is

Time to call it a night. - Don't you be a drag too.

So you've been having trouble with your... - Yes...

Can't you just... prescribe something?

Are you gonna drive or are we gonna have to have a talk'!

Breakfast is sewed from seven to ten.

You idiot!

She's a striptease dancer and she just danced on

One white wine, please. Or make it two.

Did you see how he drinks?

Make it three white wines. What the hell, make it four.

Smile.

Guess where they were? - Tell me.

In the ass. - Whose ass?

MY ass!

It just gets worse.

My farts don't smell like this. - It's not my fart either.

Did you see how hot she was? You blew it. - I saw.

Should I call her? - I actually... Sorry.

I wonder if I should call her. - You know what?

Here? - Yes. The table is set for you.

I love you. - What?

I love you. I mean it. I love you.

This was the trip of a lifetime.

You're right.