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ADULT SHELDON:
It was a beautiful morning
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00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:04,911
in East Texas.
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00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,959
The kind of morning
that made you want to get up,
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00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:14,171
get dressed and test
that acceleration
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00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:17,302
due to gravity does not depend
on an object's motion.
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00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:20,643
I love Saturdays.
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00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,847
ADULT SHELDON: The Earth causes the
same gravitational acceleration
8
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:24,772
of everything,
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00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,441
even a doll
and a flying Ping-Pong ball.
10
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,644
It's not often a man of science
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00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,027
gets to say "Yippee ki-yay,"
and mean it, but...
12
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,362
Yippee ki-yay.
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00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,905
(doorbell rings)
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00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:40,617
Morning, Herschel.
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00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,911
Hey, George.
Uh, you didn't see a dog
16
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,492
wandering around here, did you?
17
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,494
No. Y'all get a dog?
18
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,705
Uh, sort of. We took him in
after my brother-in-law
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00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,291
had to go live
in a gated community.
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00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:54,127
Oh, that sounds nice;
uh, they got a no pets policy?
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00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,132
He's in jail, George.
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00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,337
Right, sure.
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00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,468
ADULT SHELDON:
In physics,
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00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:58,799
nothing feels better
25
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,349
than predicting an outcome.
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00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,143
I love predictability.
27
00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:04,512
The force of gravity:
predictable.
28
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,813
Nuclear fusion: predictable.
29
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,142
My brother peeing
in the shower:
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00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,943
repulsive, but predictable.
31
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,154
What isn't predictable:
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00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:14,613
dogs.
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00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,609
I've always been
terrified of dogs.
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00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:21,488
To me, they're nothing
but big, furry question marks.
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00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,448
Question marks with teeth.
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00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:24,790
(barks)
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00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:33,587
In panic situations,
I'd often lose consciousness.
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00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:34,959
(barks)
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00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,295
This time,
I only lost my voice.
40
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:38,759
(weakly):
Help.
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00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,089
Please help.
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00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,139
♪♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪♪
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00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,017
♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪
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00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,645
♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪
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00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,477
♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪
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00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:56,235
♪♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪♪
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00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:00,614
SMURF (over TV):
Uh, I was just admiring
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00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,321
Grandpa Smurf's
unique walking stick.
49
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:04,997
Smurf-a-loo-loo.
50
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:06,164
That's not my walking stick.
51
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,332
Lunch is ready.
52
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:08,830
Can you go get your brother?
53
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,161
I'm watching TV.
54
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,746
Just go.
55
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,458
(sighs) I have to do
smurfing everything around here.
56
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:16,917
I heard that.
57
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,503
I said "smurfing."
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00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,304
And I heard how you said it.
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00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,505
(door closes)
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00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,262
She can cut her own crusts off.
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00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,136
Sheldon?
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00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,395
Who are you?
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00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,439
You're so cute.
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00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,353
SHELDON (whispering):
Be careful.
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00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,735
What are you doing up there?
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00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,312
Staying alive.
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00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,817
Whose dog is this?
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00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,695
I don't know. Get help.
69
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,196
Well, how did he get
into the garage?
70
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,323
Please get help.
71
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,449
Maybe we can keep it.
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00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,789
I'm begging you, get help now.
73
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,496
First, I have
to tell you something.
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00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:50,789
What?
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00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:52,582
Lunch is ready.
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00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,551
GEORGE SR. (laughing):
Will you look at that?
77
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,253
What kind of dog
chews through wood?
78
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:01,880
Y'all are feeding him, right?
79
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,556
Maybe he's teething.
80
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,553
You know, when Billy was little,
81
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,009
he chewed right through
his playpen.
82
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,390
- No kidding?
- Only had three teeth.
83
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,263
Mostly gummed it.
84
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,432
So how y'all want to fix it?
85
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:13,892
Well, I figure I'll patch it,
86
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,568
run some chicken wire
along the bottom...
87
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,736
that way, he don't
chew through it again.
88
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,106
Hello.
89
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,153
- Hey.
- Hey, Billy.
90
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,820
Was this fence window
always here?
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00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:26,537
(sighs)
92
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:29,331
No, son,
that's a new fence window.
93
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,915
Anybody else getting dizzy?
94
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,516
Why didn't you
call for help?
95
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,019
I tried,
but no sound came out.
96
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,596
You poor thing.
97
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,101
It was very dirty up there.
98
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,649
Is cleaning the garage
your job or Dad's?
99
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,817
Don't you worry about that.
100
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,485
Here, have some tea.
101
00:03:58,697 --> 00:03:59,904
- Chamomile?
- Yes.
102
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:00,946
One teaspoon of honey?
103
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:01,939
Yes.
104
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,400
An ice cube to cool it off?
105
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:04,859
I went with two today.
106
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,115
You've been through enough.
107
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,038
I prefer one ice cube.
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00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,369
Drink it.
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00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:18,797
It's nice when the kids
are in bed,
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00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,001
and we can just
hang out and relax.
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00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,554
I'm not even gonna
respond to that.
112
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,716
(sighs)
I finally got him asleep.
113
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,846
He's still pretty shook up.
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00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:30,676
MEEMAW:
Maybe having
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00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,808
this mutt next door
won't be so bad.
116
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,480
Shelly could end up
getting used to it.
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00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,769
That's true.
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00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,020
Remember when he got
all freaked out
119
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,942
by the fruit
at the bottom of yogurt?
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00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,611
Now he eats it no problem.
121
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,355
He still makes me stir it.
122
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,234
MEEMAW: Maybe you
could start out
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00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,282
with a small pet,
and work your way up.
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00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,200
Like a turtle.
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00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,035
He says they carry salmonella.
126
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,236
A gerbil?
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00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,288
Apparently, they
caused the plague.
128
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,365
What about a bird?
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00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:53,574
Oh, I know that one.
130
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,751
They'll steal his hair
to make a nest.
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00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,914
♪♪♪ ♪
132
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,629
(dog panting)
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00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,719
- Mom!
- (barks)
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00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,351
ADULT SHELDON: At least
this time, sound came out.
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00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:19,392
- I call that progress.
- (barks)
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00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,608
(whimpers)
137
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:27,908
(knocking on door)
138
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:31,620
What's going on?
139
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,243
Your dog got
into our house.
140
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,448
How the hell did he do that?
141
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,250
He pushed in a screen window.
142
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,960
You think he chewed
through the fence again?
143
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:38,870
All I know
144
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,500
is Sheldon's yelling at the dog,
145
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,081
and Mary's yelling at me.
146
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,962
Now I'm looking at you
in your underwear.
147
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,134
BRENDA: Damn it, Herschel,
what is going on?
148
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,636
Oh, hey, George.
149
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,554
Hey, Brenda.
150
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,176
Bucky got in their house.
151
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,135
That's funny.
152
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,059
It might be funny one day,
not right now.
153
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:55,560
Look, I'm real sorry, George.
154
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,513
I'll keep him tied up,
it won't happen again.
155
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:58,810
Y'all have a good night.
156
00:05:59,025 --> 00:05:59,731
MARY:
George!
157
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,227
You are not gonna
believe this. Look.
158
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:05,028
Their dog left a dead squirrel
in our living room.
159
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,448
Well, h-he is part hunting dog.
160
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,945
I think that means he likes you.
161
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,947
I'm not interested in
winning his affection.
162
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,950
I'm interested in keeping dogs
and rodents outside of my home.
163
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,372
BRENDA: Well,
now, hold on.
164
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,620
How do we know it was
Bucky that left
165
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:17,996
that squirrel
in your house?
166
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,960
Maybe that squirrel
was already there.
167
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:23,415
Why else would a dead squirrel
be in my living room?
168
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,090
I don't know what kind
of house you keep.
169
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,008
(gasps)
170
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,251
My house
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00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,085
is immaculate.
172
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,421
- George, tell them.
- Uh...
173
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,380
She does keep a nice house.
174
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,717
Honey, it's a pretty good chance
it was Bucky.
175
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,801
- Whose side are you on?
- Yours, always yours.
176
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:36,636
All right.
177
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,016
Everyone's upset, it's late.
178
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,434
Maybe we should drop
this for tonight?
179
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,311
That's a good idea. Okay.
180
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,900
You just keep your dog
away from my son.
181
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,023
- There you go picking it up again.
- I am sorry,
182
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,319
but their dog
broke into our home.
183
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,612
Something he
probably learned
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00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:48,614
from your brother.
185
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:49,781
How dare you.
186
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,201
Okay, I think that's
a good stopping point.
187
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,994
How do we know
that your son didn't
188
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:57,118
lure Bucky in to perform weird
science experiments on him?
189
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,667
My son was asleep in his bed,
and you have some nerve...
190
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:00,709
(squirrel chittering)
191
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:01,911
(screams)
192
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,621
Oh, oh, oh! Oh!
193
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,122
HERSCHEL:
Night, George!
194
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,173
Night!
195
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,501
(screeching)
196
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,470
I don't understand
why that dog
197
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,344
is so interested in Sheldon.
198
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,676
Maybe Bucky likes the way
Sheldon smells?
199
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,602
Your brother washes himself
three times a day.
200
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,270
He has no smell.
201
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,098
Here we go: animal control.
202
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,478
MEEMAW:
Oh, no, no.
203
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,935
No, you don't want
to go calling animal control.
204
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,736
- Why not?
- Because,
205
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,406
you have to live next door
to these people.
206
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:34,406
They called the cops on Georgie
when he played music too loud.
207
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,450
Maybe it was them,
maybe it was me.
208
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:38,618
Anyway, the point is,
209
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,914
you don't can't
go throwing
210
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,287
gasoline on the fire.
211
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,744
Well, they started this fire,
212
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,420
and now,
they're gonna get burned.
213
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,915
I believe you've had
enough coffee.
214
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,005
Listen, why don't you
let me talk to Brenda,
215
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,301
and just smooth things out?
216
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,845
Why do you think
she'll listen to you?
217
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,264
Because people like me
more than you.
218
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,345
People like me.
219
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,517
I didn't say they don't,
they just like me more.
220
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:00,644
Anyway,
221
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,096
I see her all the
time at bowling.
222
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,726
I know how to handle her.
223
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:05,266
Fine.
224
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,851
Thank you.
225
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,319
Plenty of people like me.
226
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,532
Hey, Brenda, how's it going?
227
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,960
Your daughter's a pain in
my ass, that's how it's going.
228
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,247
(laughs)
229
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,626
You don't beat around the bush.
230
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,128
I've always liked that
about you.
231
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,175
Connie, I've had a long night.
232
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,754
Unless you're looking to bowl,
I don't want to hear it.
233
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,089
Aw, now, come on.
234
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,807
Let me buy you a drink,
and we'll talk about this.
235
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,473
I'm more on your side
than you think.
236
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,636
Somehow,
237
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,893
- I doubt that.
- It's true.
238
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,438
Don't you think I realize
that Mary can be a bit...
239
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,440
Of a self-righteous bitch?
240
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,067
I was gonna say "challenging,"
but sure, let's go with yours.
241
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,281
It's got a nice rhythm.
242
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,610
Mmm.
243
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,116
Brenda, this is, by far,
244
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,618
the best bowling alley
margarita in town.
245
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,325
How long
246
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,331
you and Herschel been married?
18, 19 years?
247
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,378
19, but it feels like 30.
248
00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,253
(chuckles) Well,
y'all are a great couple.
249
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,208
Eh.
250
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,043
I just wanted to thank you
251
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,800
for being so patient and kind
to my daughter and her family
252
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,005
since they moved in.
253
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:19,802
- It's nothing.
- No,
254
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,475
it needs to be said.
255
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,474
You know, Mary has a tough job
raising those three kids,
256
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,898
with one of them being,
you know, somewhat special.
257
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,645
- I can see that.
- Yeah.
258
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:33,237
And having a kind neighbor makes
all the difference in the world.
259
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,438
Well, we try.
260
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,741
And I know you know
how stressful it is,
261
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,739
seeing as how you have
your own child
262
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,697
who is special in his own way.
263
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,414
What's that supposed to mean?
264
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,619
Well, I mean, hey, I know
Billy is a terrific little boy,
265
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,831
but I am sure he has presented
you and Herschel
266
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,541
with some challenges.
267
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,881
If there's a weird kid
in the neighborhood,
268
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,587
it's your grandson.
269
00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,890
Now, hang on, I said
"special," not "weird."
270
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,137
I heard you.
271
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,388
I said "weird."
272
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,052
Okay, see now, Brenda,
273
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,058
you don't want to go calling
my grandson weird
274
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,765
when I've just treated you
to a margarita grande.
275
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,146
Well, I'm sorry,
but you shouldn't be inferring
276
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,194
there's something wrong
with my Billy.
277
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,237
Darlin', there's no inferring.
278
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,156
I've seen the boy
sitting in the dirt
279
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,610
eating his own
belly button lint.
280
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,782
♪♪ That's the way
the girls are in Texas ♪♪
281
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,033
(gasps)
282
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,958
Really, Mom? This is how
you put out the fire?
283
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,335
Well, at least she got
the worst of it.
284
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,666
How you figure that?
285
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,797
I ripped a big patch of hair
out of her head.
286
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,429
This will be healed in a week.
287
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,348
She will be wearing a hat
till Labor Day.
288
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,474
(chuckles)
289
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,601
I want to be just like you
when I grow up.
290
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,054
- No, you don't.
- Pick again.
291
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,983
Excuse me, Ms. Hutchins?
292
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:01,942
Hey, Sheldon.
293
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,779
Can you recommend any books
on overcoming phobias?
294
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,115
That's in the self-help section.
295
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,666
Follow me, I have read them all.
296
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,870
- Any phobia in particular?
- Dogs.
297
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,456
Ah, cynophobia.
That's a good one.
298
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,712
Did you know there's
over 50 million dogs
299
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,634
just in the United States alone?
300
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,508
That's 50 million
too many.
301
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,636
Here. I read this one to help
with my haphephobia.
302
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:28,723
Ah, fear of being touched.
I have that, too. Was it useful?
303
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,352
Well, when someone's
interested in touching me,
304
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:33,603
we'll find out.
305
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:37,903
(sighs) - ADULT SHELDON:
The basic premise
306
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,730
of the book was that phobias
307
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,032
were overcome by taking
incremental steps
308
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,485
toward confronting
the phobia in question.
309
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,822
In my case, that started
with watching a TV show
310
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,328
that was adored by children
around the world,
311
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,627
but for me,
was the stuff of nightmares.
312
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,579
Scooby-Doo!
313
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,500
The next step
was to go face-to-face
314
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,176
with real dogs.
315
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,300
Albeit through
a plate-glass window.
316
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,385
Okay, that's enough.
317
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:07,637
ADULT SHELDON:
And finally,
318
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,344
a close encounter
of the third kind,
319
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,182
physical contact with a member
of the canine species.
320
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,108
Hello, I'd like to speak
with the veterinarian.
321
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,861
Well, I was hoping
you might have one or two dogs
322
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,690
under anesthesia that
I might come by and pet.
323
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,525
Sure, I'll hold.
324
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,784
Who are you talking to?
325
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,912
The Medford Veterinary Clinic.
326
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:29,996
Why?
327
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,870
I'm trying to overcome
my fear of dogs
328
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,872
before it affects
our family any further.
329
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,330
Oh, honey, you don't have to
worry about how it affects us.
330
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,086
Meemaw got punched
in the face because of me.
331
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:44,090
No, that wasn't because of you,
and for the record,
332
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,342
your meemaw gets punched
in the face all the time.
333
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,760
Well, I still think
I need to take
334
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,638
some sort of positive action.
335
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,184
- WOMAN (on phone): Hello?
- Yes, hello?
336
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,811
Oh, that's too bad.
337
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,766
How about a small fluffy one
that's recently died of old age?
338
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:57,600
Enough.
339
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,066
Sorry. (sighs)
340
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,704
Now, it says here
in Mark 12:31
341
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,622
that you should
"Love your neighbor
342
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:13,824
as yourself."
343
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,252
Anybody like to take a guess
what that means? Missy?
344
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,171
It means to be nice to
the people who live next door.
345
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,419
That's right.
346
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,125
But everybody else
can go to hell.
347
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,007
Okay, Missy, we don't use
that kind of language here.
348
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,181
And if you think about it,
in this world,
349
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:32,510
with all the ways we can travel,
everybody's your neighbor.
350
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,094
Yes, Sheldon.
351
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,596
How do we love
our neighbors
352
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,181
when our moms hate each other?
353
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,483
- Who does your mom hate?
- Your mom.
354
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:42,311
Hey, my mom hates your mom.
Small world.
355
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,146
Okay, let's hang on a second.
356
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,947
My mom also hates
their grandma.
357
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,445
'Cause she lost a fight to her.
358
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,031
Nuh-uh, she won. She said so.
359
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,283
All right, stop. Let's stop.
360
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,285
Now this might be hard
to understand,
361
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,366
but living a loving,
Christian life
362
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,794
isn't always
the easiest thing to do.
363
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:01,504
Yes, Billy.
364
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,924
My mom's not crazy
about you either.
365
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,804
Just love your neighbor, 'kay?
(sniffs)
366
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,182
JEFF: Now, I am more than
willing to look the other way
367
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,555
when my parishioners don't
get along with each other.
368
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,429
That sort of thing happens,
but when it becomes a problem
369
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,890
for the children,
then I have to intervene.
370
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,188
There's no
problem here,
371
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,486
other than these two thinking
that they're better than me.
372
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,938
I don't think it, I know it.
373
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:27,489
I gave your mother
a good smacking.
374
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,531
I can give you one, too.
375
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,030
That's big talk from somebody
with a comb-over.
376
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:32,281
JEFF:
Ladies.
377
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,409
Do I need to remind you
that we are Christians?
378
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:37,199
In all our behavior,
in all our actions,
379
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,081
we must constantly
ask ourselves the question,
380
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,037
"What would Jesus do?"
381
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,168
Can I say something?
382
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,585
Would Jesus say it?
383
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,508
Never mind.
384
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,512
ADULT SHELDON:
In my life, I've often
385
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,215
been accused of being
a physical coward,
386
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,474
and for the most part,
those accusations are correct.
387
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,851
But there have been times
when I've shown great courage.
388
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,018
This was one of them.
389
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,446
Hello, Bucky.
390
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,451
Are you a good dog?
391
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,528
(sighs)
392
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,410
Please be a good dog.
393
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,500
(sighs) Please.
394
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,294
Now oftentimes,
when we don't like someone,
395
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:25,543
what's happening is
we see something in them
396
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,340
that we don't like in ourselves.
397
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:28,841
What are you saying?
398
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,965
Really? That was
over your head?
399
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,796
- (scoffs)
- I'm saying,
400
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,591
y'all might have more in common
than you think.
401
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,927
Well, don't say
both their kids are "special."
402
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,479
She does not
like that.
403
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,020
SHELDON:
Okay.
404
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,772
Here we go.
405
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,023
Petting... the dog.
406
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,457
I'm doing it.
407
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,043
I'm petting a dog.
408
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,217
I've conquered my phobia.
409
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,057
You're a good boy.
Yes, you are.
410
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,643
(sighs)
411
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:23,309
I'm sorry for the unkind things
I said to you.
412
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:26,562
Me, too.
413
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,485
Connie?
414
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,271
What?
415
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,361
Anything you'd like to say?
416
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,158
Not particularly.
417
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,486
Mom.
418
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,196
Okay.
419
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,783
I'm sorry for the things I said,
420
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,871
and, you know, what happened
at the bowling alley.
421
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,002
As am I.
422
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,297
Here.
423
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,428
I think this came out
of your head.
424
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,927
He licked me! He licked me!
425
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,557
The dog licked
my tongue!
426
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,264
I can still taste it!
427
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,442
- Call 911!
- (door slams)
428
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,853
I think Jesus
might go check that out.
429
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,528
(Sheldon gargling)
430
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,318
How's it going in there, baby?
431
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,031
SHELDON: (spits) Okay, but we're
gonna need more Listerine.
432
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,121
(gargling)
433
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,291
I'm proud of him for trying to
overcome that damn dog phobia.
434
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:29,959
You should tell him that.
435
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,375
Well, if he ever leaves
that bathroom, I will.
436
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,086
What I can't figure out is why
that dog is so drawn to Sheldon.
437
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:37,295
Beats me.
438
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,056
- You say his owner's in the slammer?
- Yeah.
439
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,183
Wonder what kind of fella he is.
440
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:45,479
(rock music plays)
441
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,531
(sniffing)
442
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,286
(whines)
443
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:07,997
It's a mystery.
444
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,538
I guess we'll
never know.
445
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,587
MEEMAW:
Hey, Moonpie.
446
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,506
I got you a little something
to help you
447
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,763
get over your fear of animals.
448
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:25,677
A tranquilizer gun?
449
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,638
A pet fish.
450
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,728
Why?
451
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,608
Well, I thought you could
start small
452
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:36,904
and then work your way up.
453
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,865
Look, he's
kind of cute.
454
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:44,451
He doesn't even care
that I'm here. I like him.
455
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:46,956
What are you
gonna name him?
456
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:48,371
Fish.
457
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:49,500
Fish?
458
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,003
I'm not ready to get attached.
459
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,082
Fish are kind of boring.
460
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,250
I know, isn't it great?
461
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,052
But you can't
even pet 'em.
462
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,300
Maybe we can.
463
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,348
(screaming)
464
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,595
Baby, what's wrong?
465
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,429
I tried to pet Fish!
Ah, he was so slimy!
466
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,685
Well, yeah, he's a fish.
467
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:14,189
I put my finger in the top
of the tank, then I touched him,
468
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,314
and he bit me!
469
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,065
Oh, I'm sure he didn't bite you.
470
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,271
SHELDON:
I can't breathe.
471
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,575
His fish blood is mixing
with my human blood.
472
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,778
- Maybe he was just trying to give you a kiss.
- No.
473
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,034
He hates me. I never
want to see him again.
474
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,785
Oh, Sheldon,
you're being silly.
475
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,458
Fish like this don't bite.
476
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,208
Look. See?
He's harmless.
477
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,789
Son of a bitch!
478
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,632
Dad killed my fish!
479
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:38,708
George!
480
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,302
He'll be fine.
481
00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:43,304
Just got to put him
back in the bowl.
482
00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,175
Oh, George.
483
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,695
(toilet flushes)
34326
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