Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,710
Well, I am happy to report
that my potato salad
2
00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:27,550
is once again the
hit of the potluck.
3
00:00:27,580 --> 00:00:29,340
That's great, honey.
I feel bad
4
00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:30,310
for Pam Staples.
5
00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:33,210
No one's touching
her potato salad.
6
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,120
If you feel bad,
then why are you smiling?
7
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,430
'Cause sometimes your
mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.
8
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:41,960
Howdy, Coopers!
How we doing today?
9
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,900
Pastor Jeff.
Thank you, Pastor Jeff.
10
00:00:43,930 --> 00:00:45,630
Y'all remember
my wife Selena.
11
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,100
Hi, Selena.
Oh, yeah.
12
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,360
¿Qué tal?
13
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,500
You're married
to her?
14
00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:51,340
Why, yes, I am.
15
00:00:51,370 --> 00:00:54,500
You can think it--
you don't need to say it.
16
00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:55,900
How are you liking Medford,
Selena?
17
00:00:55,940 --> 00:00:58,610
¿Cómo te gusta Medford?
18
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,190
She likes it fine.
19
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:05,060
Oh.
20
00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:09,360
She needs to use
the little girls' room.
21
00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:11,590
Mary, could I talk to you
for a second?
22
00:01:11,630 --> 00:01:12,830
Sure.
23
00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:14,990
Don't worry.
I'll bring her right back.
24
00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:17,070
Wasn't worried, but okay.
25
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,800
Okay.
26
00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:20,690
His Spanish is terrible.
27
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:22,530
That's not what
she said at all.
28
00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:23,600
Oh.
29
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,010
I don't know if you've heard,
30
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,700
but our church secretary,
31
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:29,700
Elizabeth Sohinki,
is currently seeking treatment
32
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:31,940
for a little problem
with-- shall we say--
33
00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:33,820
under-the-counter medications.
34
00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:35,890
Oh. So that rumor's true.
35
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:36,990
Mm-hmm.
Well, she did
36
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:39,020
always seem extremely alert.
37
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:41,020
Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,
38
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:43,290
we need someone to step in
and fill the position.
39
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,350
I was wondering
if you might consider it.
40
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,290
It's not just bookkeeping.
41
00:01:48,330 --> 00:01:51,240
I'd be in charge of handling the
maintenance issues-- you know,
42
00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:53,140
plumbing, electric,
what have you.
43
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:56,610
And I'd also head
the planning committee
44
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:57,880
for all the
social events,
45
00:01:57,910 --> 00:01:59,510
which, of course,
includes the big three:
46
00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,670
baptisms, weddings, funerals.
47
00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,780
And here is the cherry on top.
48
00:02:04,810 --> 00:02:08,880
The sign in front of the church
with all the clever sayings...
49
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,620
"Be an organ donor,
give your heart to Jesus"?
50
00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:11,850
Exactly.
51
00:02:11,890 --> 00:02:14,190
Guess whose job it would be
to write those.
52
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,580
Yours.
53
00:02:15,620 --> 00:02:17,620
Already working on a couple.
54
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,000
Listen to this.
55
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:26,730
"The best vitamin
for a Christian is B1."
56
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,040
What?
57
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,600
You know, be one.
58
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,880
Like be a Christian.
59
00:02:32,910 --> 00:02:35,080
And also B1 the vitamin.
60
00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:37,880
Well, now that you
explained it, it's funny.
61
00:02:37,910 --> 00:02:39,410
Yeah. Might be a thinker.
62
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,190
But there's a lot more
where that came from.
63
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,210
What about the twins?
64
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,850
Well, I'll still get 'em off
to school every day.
65
00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:49,430
And when they get home,
66
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:52,500
Mom can keep an eye on 'em
till I get back.
67
00:02:52,530 --> 00:02:54,030
Think she'll go for it?
68
00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:56,490
Are you kidding?
She loves 'em like crazy.
69
00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:57,630
Fat chance.
70
00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:59,440
Oh, come on.
71
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:02,310
You come on.
I'm in the prime of my life.
72
00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:05,610
I got my water aerobics
and my salsa dancing
73
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,040
and my bowling league.
74
00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:08,900
But you love your grandchildren.
75
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:11,310
I love ice cream, too,
but I don't want to eat it
76
00:03:11,350 --> 00:03:13,720
from 3:00 to 6:00
five days a week.
77
00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:15,890
Well, I'm very disappointed.
78
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,090
And I'm fine with that.
79
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,560
Why don't you just
get a babysitter?
80
00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:21,530
Kinda defeats the purpose
of making extra money.
81
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:22,330
Oh, yeah, right.
82
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,830
All right, let's
think about it.
83
00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:25,400
Georgie.
84
00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:26,600
Football practice.
85
00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,270
And I don't trust him
when I'm home. Oh.
86
00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:31,840
Okay, now, what are we
talking about here?
87
00:03:31,870 --> 00:03:35,070
Sheldon is intelligent
and responsible,
88
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:38,800
and Missy...
is his sister.
89
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,480
I think they'll be
fine home alone
90
00:03:40,510 --> 00:03:42,980
all by themselves for a couple
hours after school.
91
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:44,940
You think?
I do.
92
00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:47,620
As a matter of fact, I actually
think it'll be great for them.
93
00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,350
These kids today
are so coddled,
94
00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:51,210
I honestly think
y'all are raising
95
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:53,650
a whole generation
of sissies.
96
00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:56,790
Is that the way you speak
about your grandchildren?
97
00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,790
Yes.
98
00:04:16,075 --> 00:04:18,475
== Synced & corrected by MaxPayne ==
99
00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:22,820
Hi.
100
00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:25,010
How'd it go
with your mom?
101
00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:26,210
She's not interested
in watching 'em.
102
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,350
Doesn't want to give up
her afternoons.
103
00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:31,030
Of course. Sorry.
104
00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:34,800
You know what, it's okay.
105
00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:36,200
The timing wasn't right.
106
00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,490
Maybe when the kids are older.
107
00:04:38,530 --> 00:04:41,430
Okay.
108
00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:46,330
I guess
I'll go get dinner started.
109
00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:58,010
How about this?
110
00:04:58,050 --> 00:05:00,550
Go ahead and take the job.
111
00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:02,160
Yeah, if it turns out
112
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,690
Sheldon and Missy can't
look out for themselves
113
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,490
for a couple hours
after school,
114
00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:08,900
then... well, we'll cross
that bridge when we come to it.
115
00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:10,030
Are you sure about this?
116
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,890
Yeah. Actually,
probably good for 'em.
117
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:14,060
Teach 'em a little
responsibility.
118
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,500
That's exactly
what my mom said.
119
00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:18,140
Really?
120
00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:19,800
Well, I still like
the idea.
121
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,540
Mmm.
122
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,440
Thank you, God, for this food
123
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,280
we're about to receive,
and for the nourishment
124
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,950
of our bodies, and bless
the hands that prepared it.
125
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:33,710
Amen.
126
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,050
So, kids,
127
00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:37,660
we have a little family
business to discuss.
128
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,190
You're pregnant?
No.
129
00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:41,200
We're getting a puppy?
No.
130
00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:43,270
I'm not sure I care.
131
00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:46,100
Starting next Monday,
I'm gonna take
132
00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,200
a full-time job
at the church.
133
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,010
Well, who's going
to take care of us?
134
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,410
Well, nothing will change in the
morning-- I'll make breakfast,
135
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,470
take you both to school.
Then, after school,
136
00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:57,350
you'll come home,
do your homework,
137
00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,080
watch TV,
play with your toys
138
00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:01,240
till I come home around 6:00.
139
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,610
Well, why can't Meemaw
take care of us?
140
00:06:03,650 --> 00:06:06,210
'Cause she's not the person
you think she is. George...
141
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:08,420
You're really gonna leave
these two alone?
142
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:09,260
Yes.
143
00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:12,130
That's a brave choice.
144
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:13,730
Look, this job is important
to your mother.
145
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,460
We expect you both to
step up and be responsible.
146
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,270
I can do that.
147
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:19,700
Missy?
148
00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:21,960
I'm thinking about it.
149
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,530
Very brave.
150
00:06:31,235 --> 00:06:34,305
Okay, let's go over it
one more time.
151
00:06:34,345 --> 00:06:37,385
House key's under the
plastic owl by the front door.
152
00:06:37,415 --> 00:06:40,485
There's after-school snacks
in the fridge.
153
00:06:40,515 --> 00:06:43,255
One for each of you.
154
00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:46,355
Emergency numbers are
right there by the phone.
155
00:06:46,385 --> 00:06:48,415
First aid kit is
in the hall closet.
156
00:06:48,455 --> 00:06:51,055
And you won't be needing it,
157
00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:54,765
but under the kitchen sink
is a fire extinguisher.
158
00:06:54,795 --> 00:06:56,355
Ooh, that looks fun.
159
00:06:56,395 --> 00:06:59,925
For fires only, and don't be
starting one just to use it.
160
00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:02,865
It's like
she can read my mind.
161
00:07:02,905 --> 00:07:04,345
Don't worry, Mom.
162
00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:05,845
We'll make you proud.
163
00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:07,915
I know you will, baby.
164
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:09,145
All set for your first day?
165
00:07:09,175 --> 00:07:10,805
I believe I am.
Mm.
166
00:07:10,845 --> 00:07:12,015
Mwah.
Mwah.
167
00:07:12,045 --> 00:07:13,005
Go get 'em.
168
00:07:13,045 --> 00:07:15,305
Thanks for waking me up.
169
00:07:15,345 --> 00:07:17,715
I woke you up
40 minutes ago.
170
00:07:17,755 --> 00:07:20,325
Well, you didn't do
a very good job.
171
00:07:20,355 --> 00:07:22,455
Bye, y'all.
172
00:07:28,765 --> 00:07:31,735
Okay, yeah. Yeah.
173
00:07:31,765 --> 00:07:33,265
Okay, later.
174
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,605
Sorry to bother you, Peg,
is Pastor Jeff available?
175
00:07:37,635 --> 00:07:40,735
Jeff! You available?!
176
00:07:40,775 --> 00:07:41,745
On the phone.
177
00:07:41,775 --> 00:07:43,875
He's on the phone.
178
00:07:54,225 --> 00:07:57,665
You know, my mother's had some
luck cutting back on the smoking
179
00:07:57,695 --> 00:07:58,925
by chewing that nicotine gum.
180
00:07:58,955 --> 00:08:02,625
Got some right here.
181
00:08:02,665 --> 00:08:03,905
So you do.
182
00:08:03,935 --> 00:08:05,005
Come on in.
183
00:08:05,035 --> 00:08:06,435
Go on, you heard him.
184
00:08:07,535 --> 00:08:09,905
Thank you.
185
00:08:09,935 --> 00:08:11,495
Hey, hey.
186
00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:13,565
Hey, Mare.
187
00:08:13,605 --> 00:08:15,505
Uh, you finding everything
you need?
188
00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:16,885
Oh, you bet.
189
00:08:16,915 --> 00:08:19,585
So, I've been going
over the books,
190
00:08:19,615 --> 00:08:22,115
and I think we have
enough money in our budget
191
00:08:22,145 --> 00:08:24,375
to purchase
a personal computer
192
00:08:24,415 --> 00:08:26,645
to handle all
the church business.
193
00:08:26,685 --> 00:08:28,585
Okay.
194
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:30,425
Well, uh, why don't you
leave the paperwork here,
195
00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:31,655
and I'll-I'll take
a look at it.
196
00:08:31,695 --> 00:08:32,665
Of course.
197
00:08:32,695 --> 00:08:34,795
That's for your perusal.
198
00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:40,265
Everything okay?
199
00:08:40,305 --> 00:08:41,805
What?
200
00:08:41,835 --> 00:08:43,665
Yeah. Right as rain.
201
00:08:43,705 --> 00:08:44,805
All righty.
202
00:08:44,835 --> 00:08:46,805
Hey, if you have a minute,
203
00:08:46,845 --> 00:08:49,915
I would love to talk to you
about the sign out front.
204
00:08:49,945 --> 00:08:52,085
Yeah, sure.
205
00:09:04,055 --> 00:09:06,555
So far so good.
206
00:09:25,745 --> 00:09:27,775
Hello?
207
00:09:27,815 --> 00:09:29,955
Anybody?
208
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:34,615
They weren't kidding.
209
00:09:40,095 --> 00:09:43,005
Maybe I'll just have
one little peek.
210
00:09:44,565 --> 00:09:47,375
How come you're not
eating your snack?
211
00:09:47,405 --> 00:09:51,575
I prefer my snack to be a
reward for homework well done.
212
00:09:51,605 --> 00:09:53,865
You're like an old person.
213
00:09:53,905 --> 00:09:55,535
Thank you.
214
00:10:04,985 --> 00:10:05,975
What's your homework?
215
00:10:06,015 --> 00:10:07,185
Non-Euclidean geometry.
216
00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:08,525
How about you?
217
00:10:08,555 --> 00:10:10,985
"Symonyms."
218
00:10:11,025 --> 00:10:12,895
You mean synonyms.
219
00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:15,255
I'm pretty sure
she said "symonyms."
220
00:10:17,795 --> 00:10:19,655
Did you see that?
221
00:10:19,695 --> 00:10:21,595
Someone's out there.
222
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,975
Oh, no. They're
in the backyard.
223
00:10:25,005 --> 00:10:26,465
What do we do?
224
00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:30,035
Aah!
225
00:10:42,385 --> 00:10:46,285
Would one of you please
get me a towel?
226
00:10:51,115 --> 00:10:53,045
Why were you sneaking
around out there?
227
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,555
Yeah, you scared us.
228
00:10:54,585 --> 00:10:56,885
I was checking up on you two.
229
00:10:56,925 --> 00:11:00,025
And in case you're wondering,
you scared me back.
230
00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:01,485
Well, why didn't you knock?
231
00:11:01,525 --> 00:11:05,395
Because you two are supposed
to be doing this on your own.
232
00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:07,305
And you don't
think we can.
233
00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:08,375
Of course I do.
234
00:11:08,405 --> 00:11:09,635
I'm the one who told your mother
235
00:11:09,665 --> 00:11:11,795
that you were fine by yourselves
in the first place.
236
00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:14,265
Then why were you
checking up on us?
237
00:11:14,305 --> 00:11:16,465
That's called being two-faced.
238
00:11:16,505 --> 00:11:17,835
We'll be okay on our own.
239
00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:19,905
Yeah, we need to prove
we can do this.
240
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:22,105
All right.
241
00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:24,045
I respect that.
242
00:11:24,085 --> 00:11:28,855
And I'm happy to keep this
little incident a secret.
243
00:11:28,885 --> 00:11:30,585
Really? I'm
telling everyone.
244
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,595
It was hilarious.
245
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,735
I'm going bowling.
246
00:11:38,435 --> 00:11:42,005
When we first started dating,
everything was wonderful.
247
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,875
That's when
it is wonderful.
248
00:11:43,905 --> 00:11:46,005
All the problems started
once we got married.
249
00:11:46,035 --> 00:11:48,735
Well, marriage will do that
to a relationship.
250
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:50,015
I-I got Selena
a credit card
251
00:11:50,045 --> 00:11:52,715
to make small purchases
for the house.
252
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:55,755
You know...
...coffee maker, DustBuster.
253
00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:57,455
You know what she did?
254
00:11:57,485 --> 00:11:59,225
She went to that
Sharper Image store
255
00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:00,755
and she bought a massage chair.
256
00:12:00,785 --> 00:12:03,085
Oh, I sat in one of those
at the mall.
257
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:04,225
It was terrific.
258
00:12:04,255 --> 00:12:05,485
It's $2,000.
259
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:08,995
Oh. Well, seeing as I know
how much you make,
260
00:12:09,025 --> 00:12:10,225
you can't afford that.
261
00:12:10,265 --> 00:12:12,765
I... uh-uh.
262
00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:14,795
Of all the afflictions
263
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:18,175
that can befall a child,one reigns supreme.
264
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:21,175
Beyond scraped kneesand paper cuts,
265
00:12:21,205 --> 00:12:25,775
nothing strikes fear into thehearts of kids around the world
266
00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:28,115
like a splinter.
267
00:12:28,145 --> 00:12:32,515
No!
268
00:12:32,555 --> 00:12:35,525
Tell me why you were pretending
to have amnesia.
269
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,295
I've got a splinter!
270
00:12:37,325 --> 00:12:38,795
So?
271
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,125
So, it's an emergency!
272
00:12:40,155 --> 00:12:41,155
Call Meemaw!
273
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,195
Oh, calm down.
274
00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:44,785
We can take care of this.
No, we can't!
275
00:12:44,825 --> 00:12:47,655
Sheldon, if we can't handle
a little splinter,
276
00:12:47,695 --> 00:12:50,025
they're never gonna leave us
alone again.
277
00:12:50,065 --> 00:12:51,765
You're right.
278
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,175
So, what do we do?
279
00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:54,975
Let me see it.
280
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,085
Oh, boy.
That's a deep one.
281
00:13:00,115 --> 00:13:02,585
Hey, it's throbbing
really bad.
282
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,585
Mom would take it out
with tweezers.
283
00:13:04,615 --> 00:13:06,675
Well, where would
we find tweezers?
284
00:13:06,715 --> 00:13:08,415
Let's see what we got.
285
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,555
Band-Aids...
286
00:13:09,585 --> 00:13:11,545
cotton balls.
287
00:13:11,585 --> 00:13:13,255
What's "gowz"?
288
00:13:13,295 --> 00:13:15,735
It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that
289
00:13:15,765 --> 00:13:17,595
is not filling
me with hope.
290
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:21,105
Where would Mom
keep the tweezers?
291
00:13:21,135 --> 00:13:23,705
Sometimes she uses a
needle on splinters. No.
292
00:13:23,735 --> 00:13:26,235
No needles. Anything
but needles.
293
00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:29,115
Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.
294
00:13:29,145 --> 00:13:30,915
She plucks her eyebrows
with them.
295
00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:33,685
And sometimes her mustache.
296
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,925
Anything?
297
00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:42,095
Nope.
298
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,625
Wait.
299
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:45,115
Maybe they're
in her room.
300
00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:47,685
We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.
301
00:13:47,725 --> 00:13:50,125
Want me to get the needle?
302
00:13:51,995 --> 00:13:54,325
Let's make this quick.
303
00:13:54,365 --> 00:13:55,965
Why are you whispering?
304
00:13:56,005 --> 00:13:58,475
That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.
305
00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,505
I wouldn't know.
306
00:13:59,535 --> 00:14:01,295
I'm naughty all the time.
307
00:14:09,345 --> 00:14:11,305
You're really not coming in?
308
00:14:11,345 --> 00:14:13,645
No. But you're doing great.
309
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,595
What's wrong?
310
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:22,625
This really is naughty.
311
00:14:22,665 --> 00:14:24,335
I told you.
312
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,335
I don't see anything.
313
00:14:30,365 --> 00:14:32,065
There's just a Bible
and a flashlight.
314
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:35,875
What do I do?
315
00:14:35,905 --> 00:14:38,275
Answer it but sound calm.
316
00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:42,805
Hello.
317
00:14:42,845 --> 00:14:43,905
Hey, it's Dad.
318
00:14:43,945 --> 00:14:45,215
How you guys doing?
319
00:14:45,255 --> 00:14:46,355
We're great.
320
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,755
Glad to hear it.
321
00:14:47,785 --> 00:14:48,815
I'm watching TV,
322
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:51,425
and Sheldon's reading quietly.
323
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,565
I knew you could handle this.
324
00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:54,965
I'm proud of you.
You know what?
325
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,835
I'm proud of us, too.
326
00:14:56,865 --> 00:14:58,565
Okay, baby doll,
327
00:14:58,595 --> 00:14:59,895
I'll be home in a couple hours.
328
00:14:59,935 --> 00:15:01,875
Stay out all night.
We got this.
329
00:15:01,905 --> 00:15:04,505
Wha... Love you, too.
330
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,245
That was intense.
331
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,445
I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.
332
00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,705
You answer it this time.
333
00:15:14,745 --> 00:15:16,945
I can't; I'm supposed to be
reading quietly.
334
00:15:16,985 --> 00:15:18,525
Answer it, Sheldon.
335
00:15:18,555 --> 00:15:21,285
Well, I'm not going in there.
336
00:15:21,315 --> 00:15:23,515
Hello. Cooper residence.
337
00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:25,185
Sheldon speaking.
338
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,465
Hey, Shelly.
339
00:15:26,495 --> 00:15:27,625
Oh, hello, Mom.
340
00:15:27,655 --> 00:15:29,255
How's your day going?
341
00:15:33,295 --> 00:15:34,495
Shelly?
342
00:15:34,535 --> 00:15:38,605
Shelly? Shelly? You there?
343
00:15:38,635 --> 00:15:40,435
Yes, I'm here.
344
00:15:40,475 --> 00:15:42,515
She wants to know
how my day's going.
345
00:15:42,545 --> 00:15:43,645
Say it's going good.
346
00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:44,635
I can't say that.
347
00:15:44,675 --> 00:15:45,475
Why not?
348
00:15:45,515 --> 00:15:46,415
It's bad grammar.
349
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:47,685
How are you supposed to say it?
350
00:15:47,715 --> 00:15:49,115
"It's going well."
351
00:15:49,145 --> 00:15:49,975
Oh, that's nice.
352
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,885
I've got to get back to work,
353
00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:55,685
but I love you
and miss you very much.
354
00:15:55,725 --> 00:15:57,495
Okay.
355
00:15:57,525 --> 00:16:00,595
I handled that really well.
356
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:04,685
Got a minute?
357
00:16:04,725 --> 00:16:06,655
Sure, come on in.
358
00:16:06,695 --> 00:16:08,725
I just wanted to apologize.
359
00:16:08,765 --> 00:16:12,235
I-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.
360
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,245
Here it is,
your first day and all.
361
00:16:14,275 --> 00:16:15,105
Oh, that's fine.
362
00:16:15,135 --> 00:16:16,465
Always happy to lend an ear.
363
00:16:16,505 --> 00:16:18,735
Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.
364
00:16:18,775 --> 00:16:21,775
Really?
'Cause you told me a lot.
365
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,155
This morning,
while Selena was in the shower,
366
00:16:23,185 --> 00:16:25,655
I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.
367
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,325
Oh, my.
Now,
368
00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:30,325
do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?
369
00:16:30,355 --> 00:16:33,185
You know, saving us
from bankruptcy and whatnot?
370
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:36,995
Wow. Um, yeah,
that's complicated.
371
00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:39,995
Um... going through her purse--
probably wrong,
372
00:16:40,035 --> 00:16:42,205
but on the other hand...
373
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:44,575
...well, there is no other hand.
374
00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:46,445
You can't be
doing things like that
375
00:16:46,475 --> 00:16:47,645
and have a healthy marriage.
376
00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:49,015
Why don't you just talk to her?
377
00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:51,115
Explain
your financial situation?
378
00:16:51,145 --> 00:16:53,085
That...
379
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:56,945
Oh, we're closing
the door now, okay.
380
00:16:56,985 --> 00:17:00,055
That's not so easy.
381
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:02,355
Because of the language barrier?
382
00:17:02,385 --> 00:17:05,485
That, and I implied,
when we were dating,
383
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,465
that I was... well-to-do.
384
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,665
Oh, Pastor Jeff,
why would you do that?
385
00:17:11,695 --> 00:17:13,055
You saw her.
386
00:17:13,095 --> 00:17:14,395
Uh, she is the kind of woman
387
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:17,405
that can make a man do
bad things.
388
00:17:17,435 --> 00:17:23,335
Well, I... I don't know
what to say to that.
389
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,815
Maybe you ought to pray on it.
390
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,515
You're right.
391
00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:28,875
You're absolutely right.
392
00:17:30,385 --> 00:17:31,485
I'll do that now.
393
00:17:31,515 --> 00:17:32,675
I'll do the same.
394
00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:33,815
Thank you.
395
00:17:40,055 --> 00:17:42,255
God, please give me the strength
396
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:45,565
to not spread this juicy gossip
about Pastor Jeff.
397
00:17:45,595 --> 00:17:46,825
Amen.
398
00:17:47,895 --> 00:17:49,295
What are you doing?
399
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:52,845
I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.
400
00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:55,675
Found 'em.
401
00:17:55,705 --> 00:17:57,035
The tweezers?
402
00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:59,535
Mom's needles
and her magnifying glass.
403
00:17:59,575 --> 00:18:00,975
Absolutely not.
404
00:18:01,015 --> 00:18:02,715
Let me at least try.
405
00:18:02,745 --> 00:18:03,745
No.
406
00:18:03,785 --> 00:18:05,355
You're being a baby.
407
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,825
Nothing you can say
will change my mind.
408
00:18:07,855 --> 00:18:09,595
What if it gets infected
and turns green
409
00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:12,165
and they have to cut it off?
410
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,635
I think it's numb.
411
00:18:15,665 --> 00:18:16,565
Great, put your hand out.
412
00:18:19,035 --> 00:18:21,935
Wait, how do you plan
on sterilizing the needle?
413
00:18:21,965 --> 00:18:24,195
Mom uses a lit match.
414
00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:26,165
We're not allowed
to play with matches.
415
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:27,675
What else would work?
416
00:18:27,705 --> 00:18:29,565
Alcohol.
417
00:18:37,545 --> 00:18:39,545
Stick your finger in there.
418
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:40,685
I'll do the needle.
419
00:18:40,715 --> 00:18:44,185
Okay. I hope I don't get drunk.
420
00:18:44,225 --> 00:18:45,465
How long till you're sterile?
421
00:18:45,495 --> 00:18:46,295
I don't know,
422
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,995
but I'm getting lightheaded.
423
00:18:50,525 --> 00:18:53,925
No matter what happens,
hold still.
424
00:19:02,105 --> 00:19:03,205
I can't do it.
425
00:19:03,245 --> 00:19:05,045
Yes, you can.
No, I can't.
426
00:19:05,075 --> 00:19:06,235
Just let me get it.
427
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,035
What if you slip
and stab me in the eye?
428
00:19:08,075 --> 00:19:09,645
I'm not gonna slip.
429
00:19:09,685 --> 00:19:11,755
Who always wins when we play...
430
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:13,555
Be right back.
431
00:19:17,385 --> 00:19:21,215
In 1989the Milton Bradley Company
432
00:19:21,255 --> 00:19:25,125
had dozens of board gameson the market,
433
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:30,275
but only onewhere you were the doctor.
434
00:19:32,235 --> 00:19:34,965
Operation came complete
435
00:19:35,005 --> 00:19:36,735
with a red light-up nose,
436
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:40,215
13 plastic body partsfor players to remove
437
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:45,125
and, most importantly,one pair of genuine tweezers.
438
00:19:50,725 --> 00:19:54,025
My sister performeda medical procedure using
439
00:19:54,055 --> 00:19:56,055
a children's board game,
440
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:59,165
while I bravely sat very still.
441
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:14,685
I guess you could saythere were two heroes that day.
442
00:20:18,255 --> 00:20:21,095
Gee, how do you suppose
that happened?
443
00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:23,695
- Hello?
- In here.
444
00:20:23,725 --> 00:20:26,865
Why does the kitchen smell
like whiskey?
445
00:20:26,895 --> 00:20:28,995
Ask her.
446
00:20:29,025 --> 00:20:30,655
Oh, dear Lord!
447
00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:34,965
Wait till you hear
what I did to Meemaw.
448
00:20:35,005 --> 00:20:38,105
Our show came at number one.
449
00:20:38,275 --> 00:20:39,405
I did it! I did it!30797
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.