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1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,670
A simile directly compares
two things,
2
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:08,589
using the words "like" and "as."
3
00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,633
"I slept
like a log."
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,843
"I'm hungry as a horse."
5
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,171
"Your love is like
bad medicine."
6
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:16,301
Exactly.
7
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,633
That's Bon Jovi.
8
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:19,137
Okay.
9
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,844
His hair is awesome.
10
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,053
Moving on.
11
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:25,140
Metaphors are different
from similes.
12
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:26,766
(sneezes)
13
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,153
ADULT SHELDON:
I've been called a germophobe,
14
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,448
but I do find
a single sneeze acceptable.
15
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,776
It could be caused
by dust, allergies...
16
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,953
really, whatever nasal irritant
floats your boat.
17
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:40,367
However...
18
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,911
during flu season...
19
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,796
...a second sneeze means
a plague is upon the land,
20
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,589
and it's every man for himself.
21
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,005
Where do you think
you're going?
22
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,507
Away from you.
23
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,587
Why's that?
24
00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,260
I want to live.
25
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,309
I'm not sick.
Get back in your seat.
26
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,476
No, thank you.
27
00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,520
You know the rules.
28
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,563
You can't leave
without a hall pass.
29
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:08,812
May I have a hall pass?
30
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,108
No, you may not.
31
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,936
Now get back in your seat.
32
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,693
ADULT SHELDON: Rules
are the pillars of society.
33
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:15,989
I love rules.
34
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,193
But what benefit are rules
to a dead man?
35
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,656
♪♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪♪
36
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,491
♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪
37
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,374
♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪
38
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,081
♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪
39
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,464
♪♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪♪
40
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,141
Excuse me.
41
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,307
Do I look like
I'm getting sick to you?
42
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,646
You look a little pale.
43
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,523
Okay, good, that's normal.
44
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:57,778
Now, I understand Sheldon
is an exceptional child,
45
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,200
all right,
but when he
46
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,073
willfully disobeys
the order of a teacher,
47
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,280
there needs
to be some consequences here.
48
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,327
Oh, we couldn't
agree more.
49
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,033
What kind of punishment
are you thinking?
50
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,662
Well, Mary, in a case like this,
a few days of detention.
51
00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:12,622
Really? That seems
a little harsh.
52
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,707
Oh, detention's
no big deal.
53
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:18,260
Now, my principal used to
whup my ass with a paddle.
54
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,720
That got
my attention.
55
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,218
Oh, yeah.
Those were the days.
56
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,266
Still have mine.
57
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,178
Ah.
58
00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:30,272
Ol' Spanky.
59
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,515
(chuckles):
Whoa.
60
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,479
- Got a real nice grip on that thing.
- Yeah, George.
61
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,030
Had the equipment manager over
at the Astros make this for me.
62
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,157
The holes in it...
63
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,576
cut down on wind resistance.
64
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:43,531
Smart.
65
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:46,577
But these days you have
to have a consent form
66
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,499
to whack the kids.
67
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,369
I don't know
where this world's headed.
68
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,830
You ought to get one of those
for when Georgie acts up.
69
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,624
Like you never thought
about going upside his head
70
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:57,799
with a slab of wood.
71
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,301
You know, there was a time
this thing gave me tennis elbow.
72
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:06,968
(sneezes)
73
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,641
(continues
blowing nose)
74
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,146
Okay, Sheldon, come o...
75
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,107
Where'd he go?
76
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:22,650
Thataway.
77
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:23,780
♪♪♪ ♪
78
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:24,860
(sneezes)
79
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,663
(coughing)
80
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,036
(sneezing and coughing continue)
81
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,216
♪♪ Well, I'm running ♪♪
82
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,794
♪♪ Police on my back ♪♪
83
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,503
♪♪ I've been hiding ♪♪
84
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:43,971
- ♪♪ Police on my back ♪♪
- (grunting)
85
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:45,889
♪♪ There was a shooting ♪♪
86
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,387
♪♪ Police on my back ♪♪
87
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:48,843
♪♪ And the victim ♪♪
88
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,553
♪♪ Well, he won't come back ♪♪
89
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,392
What you
doing, kid?!
90
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,315
- ♪♪ Tuesday, Wednesday ♪♪
- (grunting)
91
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,143
♪♪ Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday ♪♪
92
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,318
(grunting)
93
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,396
ADULT SHELDON:
Enjoy this. It is, by far,
94
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:03,198
the most athletic two minutes
of my entire life.
95
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,242
♪♪ What have I done? ♪♪
96
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,034
♪♪ What have I done? ♪♪
97
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,323
(Meemaw laughing)
98
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,533
It's not funny.
99
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:13,709
Oh, come on, now.
100
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,833
Sheldon in detention...
that's funny.
101
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,877
I actually think
it'd be good for him.
102
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,708
He needs to learn
he's not special.
103
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,426
But he is special.
104
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,503
You know what I mean.
He can't just
105
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,635
walk out of a classroom
'cause he feels like it.
106
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,216
He was worried
about catching a cold.
107
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,176
That is a legitimate concern.
108
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,307
And now he's in danger
of being mugged
109
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,434
by a roomful of hoodlums.
110
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,481
He's not getting mugged.
111
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,229
It's half a dozen kids
doing homework
112
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,606
while a teacher watches 'em.
113
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,029
Although it might not hurt
to give Sheldon a few dollars
114
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,027
to buy himself
some protection.
115
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,734
That's actually not a bad idea.
116
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,454
(grunts, coughs)
117
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:55,534
What are you doing?
118
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:56,877
Nothing.
119
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,455
Is that
chewing tobacco?
120
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,041
It's chocolate Bazooka.
What do you want?
121
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,877
I have detention tomorrow,
122
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,052
and I thought you could
give me some tips.
123
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,756
That was pretty badass, you
walking out of class like that.
124
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:12,351
It was not my intention to be
bad "A" word, but thank you.
125
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,229
The only thing you need
to worry about in detention
126
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,976
is staying close
to the teacher.
127
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,525
If he leaves the room,
you go with him.
128
00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:20,855
Why?
129
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,521
'Cause you're gonna
get your "A" word kicked.
130
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,695
Are you saying I'll be
in physical danger?
131
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,776
It's all the worst kids
in school
132
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,153
in one room for an hour.
133
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,159
What do you think's
gonna happen?
134
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,832
I thought we were gonna spend
the time regretting our actions
135
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,877
and thinking about how we could
be better in the future.
136
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,205
Well, you thought wrong.
Get lost.
137
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,048
You're both mean
and nice to me.
138
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,092
It's confusing.
139
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,965
(gags)
140
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,227
Maybe I'm doing this wrong.
141
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,771
(school bell rings)
142
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,902
Have you ever been in detention?
143
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,608
No.
144
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,614
But I do take
the school bus.
145
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,653
And that is no party.
146
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,410
It's like a mental hospital
on wheels.
147
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,488
That's a good use of simile.
148
00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,121
Thanks.
149
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,824
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
150
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:22,496
I hope.
151
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,376
(door closes)
152
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,754
- (school bell rings)
- (footsteps rapidly departing)
153
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,760
Hello. I'm here
for detention.
154
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,471
Where is the teacher?
155
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,224
Not here yet.
156
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:42,979
Oh.
157
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,157
I have three dollars.
158
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,859
Feel free to share it
with the others.
159
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,004
Would you prefer
a piece of paper?
160
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,002
I have some
in my briefcase.
161
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,422
It's here
if you change your mind.
162
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,846
All right, losers,
you know how this works.
163
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,219
One hour, no talking,
no horseplay.
164
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:15,466
Sheldon?
165
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,176
Hello, Mr. Givens.
166
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,473
Why are you here?
167
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,850
I didn't want to catch a cold
from Ms. MacElroy,
168
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,479
so I left her classroom
without a hall pass.
169
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,185
Well, something is going around.
170
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,316
I actually had a little tickle
in my throat.
171
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,948
Okay, time to go.
Nice meeting you.
172
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,366
Whoa, what-what are you doing?
173
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,155
You've heard of
fight or flight?
174
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,782
This is flight.
175
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,036
Not so funny
now, is it?
176
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,618
No. How long
is he suspended for?
177
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,793
A week.
178
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,462
And it goes on
his permanent record.
179
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,290
Well, that's
no big deal.
180
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:50,718
I had all kinds of stuff on my
permanent high school record.
181
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:54,138
Didn't stop me from being
a bartender for eight years.
182
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:57,183
I think the real issue we need
to deal with is his germ phobia.
183
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,092
Oh, yes,
you don't
184
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,098
want him turning
into Howard Hughes.
185
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,054
Growing his nails out.
186
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,731
Peeing in a jar.
187
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,775
Why would he pee into a jar?
I don't know why he peed in a jar,
188
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,649
I just know he did.
189
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,354
(sighs)
I hate to say it,
190
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,405
but I think
we need help with this.
191
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:13,865
- Like what?
- Maybe we could
192
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,319
take him to that nice doctor
who calmed him down
193
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,780
when he was convinced
he had an enlarged prostate?
194
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,365
Sheldon only calmed down
when the doctor told him
195
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,415
what happens in a prostate exam.
196
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:23,909
Poor thing.
197
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,836
Still talks about it.
198
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,754
Thank you for seeing us,
Doctor.
199
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:31,717
No problem.
200
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:35,217
So, what do you got today,
Sheldon?
201
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,423
Rickets?
Rabies?
202
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,474
Early-onset menopause?
203
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,553
Is he making a joke?
204
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,887
I believe so.
205
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,062
Humorous.
206
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,186
- Hmm.
- Sheldon's not sick,
207
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,984
but he has become overly
concerned with getting a cold
208
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,187
- or the flu.
- Well, any symptoms...
209
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:52,817
runny nose, achy,
210
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,945
- sore throat, fever?
- No.
211
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,073
All right, well, Sheldon,
if you do catch a cold,
212
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,656
or even the flu, it's...
it's not the end of the world.
213
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,746
The flu was the end of the world
for half a million Americans
214
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,954
during the influenza epidemic
of 1918.
215
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,204
- Really?
- In India
216
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,464
17 million people died.
217
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,838
Okay, I think we're getting
off the subject. Doctor,
218
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,386
Sheldon is afraid
to go to school
219
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,713
because he might get exposed
220
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,298
to some kind of bacteria
or virus.
221
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,474
So he's got a phobia?
222
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,643
It's not a phobia
if the threat is real.
223
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,600
You're a doctor,
you should know that.
224
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,734
Sheldon, you have
nothing to worry about.
225
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,651
Even if you did get the flu,
226
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,399
it's usually over in a week.
227
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,112
Why are we getting medical
advice from a man who smokes?
228
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,568
Sheldon.
O-Okay,
229
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,245
I have patients
who are actually sick.
230
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,323
Maybe we should wrap this up.
231
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,703
How come you don't
get sick all the time?
232
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,410
Well, I take precautions.
233
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,463
I wash my hands,
I wear gloves and a mask.
234
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,351
So, Mom, how was your day?
235
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,184
We're ignoring this?
236
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:10,645
Okay.
237
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,527
So pretty.
238
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,784
What's going on?
239
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,449
I'm not feeling so good.
240
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:27,745
(coughs loudly)
241
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,328
Biohazard! Biohazard!
242
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,253
Sucker.
243
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,585
WOMAN (on TV):
In national news,
244
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:38,636
an unusually early flu season
is buffeting the country.
245
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,760
Doctors say the strain,
originating in China,
246
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,137
is particularly severe.
247
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:48,642
Children and the elderly
are most at risk.
248
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,019
Sheldon, why are
you still up?
249
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,021
We're all gonna die!
250
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,317
...about the local cattle...
251
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:55,440
This isn't funny!
252
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,272
I know, baby, I know.
253
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,571
But you need to
understand that sometimes
254
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:04,153
the news says those things
just to scare people.
255
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,825
Well, it's working!
256
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,746
Come here.
257
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,369
I know you don't
believe in this,
258
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,326
but I'm gonna
do it anyway.
259
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:11,827
(sighs)
260
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,960
Lord, I pray for
my son Sheldon
261
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,043
that you protect him from
all illness and disease,
262
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,844
and keep him healthy
and keep him safe,
263
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,763
and protect him from
his head to his toes,
264
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,388
inside and out. Amen.
265
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,930
You're right.
I don't believe in that.
266
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:36,352
But it did feel good. Thanks.
267
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,735
In the Bible, that's called
a hedge of protection.
268
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,947
Why do you keep smiling?
269
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,245
You need to look
at your mask, baby.
270
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:50,870
SHELDON:
Missy?!
271
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,996
We have to go to school,
and Sheldon doesn't?
272
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,832
- That's not fair.
- Sure it is.
273
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,883
Sheldon loves school
and can't go.
274
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,211
You hate school
and have to. Fair.
275
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,046
GEORGE SR.:
He still has
276
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,551
to spend his day doing chores.
277
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,508
Can't sit around
playing with his trains.
278
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,969
Yeah, put him to work.
Good parenting, Dad.
279
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,554
Oh, I'm glad you approve.
280
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:12,684
I do.
281
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:15,562
Where you going?
282
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,643
I'm gonna give Sheldon
a list of chores.
283
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:19,729
You're actually
taking my advice?
284
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:20,729
Yes.
285
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,065
Well, how about that?
286
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,692
Hey, you were due.
287
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:26,865
(door closes)
288
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,321
Proud of you, George.
289
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,254
Sheldon?
290
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:39,999
Yes.
291
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,130
The door's locked.
Can you open it?
292
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,503
No.
293
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,634
What on earth?
294
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,901
- Hello.
- What are you doing?
295
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,901
I made a real germ-proof
hedge of protection.
296
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,779
Oh, honey,
you can't stay in there.
297
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:08,907
I've got a refrigerator,
I've got my sleeping bag,
298
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,705
and anything else I need
I can make out of Legos.
299
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,496
What's with
the Halloween costume?
300
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,500
In case of a breach.
301
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:22,757
Stay right there.
302
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,130
That's my plan.
303
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,381
George?
304
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,476
Just when you think
he's gonna zig,
305
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,269
you get
a big old zag.
306
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,437
It's ridiculous. I'm...
I'm gonna take it down.
307
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,811
No, you can't force him out
of a phobia.
308
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:39,725
What do we do?
309
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:40,775
He can't live
in there.
310
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,319
Well, actually, he can.
311
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,396
He's got the refrigerator
and a sleeping bag.
312
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,777
And he can always
go potty in the sink.
313
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,909
I think I'll take
the kids to school.
314
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,280
I'm sure he'll be out
by the time you get home.
315
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,831
Not sure why you
think that, but okay.
316
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,034
- Mom?
- Yes, Shelly.
317
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,334
Can you close the door?
318
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,378
I need to use the sink.
319
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,051
(Meemaw laughs)
320
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,670
- Tammy Cook?
- Here.
321
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,177
- Georgie Cooper?
- Here.
322
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,805
Sheldon Cooper? Absent.
323
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,261
- Where's your brother?
- Home.
324
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,346
Is he okay?
325
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,351
Yeah, he's just...
326
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,602
(bell dings)
327
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,605
Actually, it's not
looking good for him.
328
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,186
He might not make it.
329
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,022
- Oh, that's terrible.
- I know.
330
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,070
I love him so much.
331
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,079
If anything ever happened,
I don't know what I'd do.
332
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:34,613
Aw.
333
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,038
MARY:
Shelly, if you don't mind
334
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:46,091
- me asking, what's your long-term plan here?
- I'm working
335
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,838
on the math to turn the garage
336
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,171
into a self-sustaining
ecosystem.
337
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,882
- Okay. And what exactly does that mean?
- Well, all I need
338
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,764
is sunlight and a few seeds
to grow unlimited food
339
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,311
which I'll fertilize
with my own feces.
340
00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,560
(laughing):
This just gets better.
341
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,562
If you're not gonna
help, please go inside.
342
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,234
This is not a show.
343
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,437
Now that's where I disagree.
344
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:07,897
- (sighs)
- (giggles)
345
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,948
Shelly, baby,
please come on out.
346
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,407
I can't.
347
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,201
Come on.
I'm your mommy.
348
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,870
Do it for your mommy.
349
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,071
No.
350
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,280
(sighs)
351
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,581
But I'm your mommy.
352
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,580
(laughing):
Y'all are killing me.
353
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,377
(laughing)
354
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,921
(sighs) - (laughing):
"I'm your mommy."
355
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:29,377
I think the saddest part
about it is just how sad it is.
356
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,461
Is there anything
that we can do?
357
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,471
I don't know.
358
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,303
A hug might help.
359
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:36,892
Of course.
360
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,096
What's wrong
with you two?
361
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,725
Don't you care
about my brother?
362
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,565
(fake crying)
363
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,821
Aw.
364
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,613
(crying):
Oh, Sheldon.
365
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,569
That's it. I've had
enough of this nonsense.
366
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,996
If you don't come out,
I'm coming in!
367
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,620
One, two,
368
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,667
- three.
- Breach! Breach!
369
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,917
- You come here right this instant!
- No.
370
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:06,918
Oh!
371
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,339
♪♪ That's great, it starts
with an earthquake ♪♪
372
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,841
- Sheldon!
- ♪♪ Birds and snakes and aeroplanes... ♪♪
373
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,173
You can't run away
from me forever.
374
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,805
I don't have to do it forever.
Just till you get tired.
375
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,101
MEEMAW:
Mary,
376
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,599
I'm gonna run
and go get my video camera.
377
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,055
Don't catch him till I get back.
378
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,515
This is not a joke!
379
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,350
Sheldon, get over here!
380
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,151
- ♪♪ It's the end of the world ♪♪
- (Meemaw laughs)
381
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,898
- ♪♪ As we know it ♪♪
- Get over here.
382
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:34,446
Sheldon Lee Cooper, get here.
383
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:35,366
Right now.
384
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,321
Oh, Lord, I think
I'm gonna wet myself.
385
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,872
Get! You come here!
Sheldon Lee Cooper!
386
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,291
♪♪ I feel fine. ♪♪
387
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,546
Look at that.
388
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,959
St. Mary drinking alcohol.
389
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,344
God saw what just happened.
He gets it.
390
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,557
Mind if I take a crack
at catching the Road Runner?
391
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,680
What are you gonna do
that I couldn't do?
392
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,136
Oh, a little trick I learned
393
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,312
trying to get prairie dogs
out of the hole.
394
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,148
Of course we'd whack off
their heads with a golf club.
395
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,393
I'm not gonna do that
to Sheldon.
396
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,354
(sighs)
397
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,690
(singsongy):
Oh, Moon Pie,
398
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,660
I've got a little treat for you.
399
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,661
Chocolate chip?
400
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,240
Mm-hmm, right out of the oven.
401
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,208
Good. That means
they're sterile.
402
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,876
(laughs)
403
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,206
Why don't you come on out here
and... have a couple?
404
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,836
I can't do that.
405
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,542
Okay, I tell you what.
406
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,299
I'm gonna just put 'em
right out here,
407
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,677
and you can come out
and get one when you're ready.
408
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,802
How about that?
I'm gonna put 'em down
409
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,891
right... here.
410
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:49,937
Aah! (laughs)
411
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,565
Come on! Oh. (laughs)
412
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,531
Listen to me, buster.
413
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,366
- Okay.
- You are
414
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,035
a lot of things, Sheldon.
415
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,614
You are cute, smart, hygienic.
416
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,411
But most of all...
417
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:13,340
you... are a Texan.
418
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:14,586
So?
419
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,043
So Texans
420
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,629
aren't afraid of nothin'!
421
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,885
Rattlesnakes, Indians,
422
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,016
the Mexican Army.
423
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:30,057
Do you imagine that Sam Houston
was scared of a little old cold?
424
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,312
No.
425
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,269
Jim Bowie?
426
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:34,603
No.
427
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,697
Sissy Spacek?
428
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:39,987
I... guess not?
429
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,823
You're damn right,
because they're Texans
430
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,116
through and through.
431
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,790
Now I want you to quit hiding
in this plastic bubble,
432
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,458
and I want you to
come out here and
433
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:51,833
eat your cookies
out in the world like a man!
434
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,334
Like a Texan man!
435
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:01,804
(Meemaw sighs)
436
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,653
I'm impressed.
437
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,104
Me, too.
438
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,282
I thought I'd lost him
at Sissy Spacek.
439
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,240
Whew! (chuckles)
440
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:29,912
ADULT SHELDON:
As you can see,
441
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:33,461
my meemaw successfully
lured me back into the world
442
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,542
by reminding me
of my brave Texas ancestors.
443
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,968
Their blood ran
through my veins.
444
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,672
I was a true son
of the Lone Star State.
445
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,553
Albeit a true son
446
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,556
with an incredibly fragile
immune system.
447
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:52,105
I woke up the next morning
with a temperature of 102
448
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,933
and a head packed full
of mucus.
449
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,945
However, there was
a silver lining.
450
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:03,238
♪♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪♪
451
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:06,160
♪♪ Little ball of fur ♪♪
452
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:10,240
♪♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty ♪♪
453
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,917
♪♪ Purr, purr, purr. ♪♪
454
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,498
Sing it again, Mom.
455
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,921
First, blow your nose.
456
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,247
(blows nose)
457
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,670
♪♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪♪
458
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,505
♪♪ Little ball of fur ♪♪
459
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:29,260
♪♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty ♪♪
460
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,016
♪♪ Purr, purr, purr. ♪♪
32400
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