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1
00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:07,628
You walk down a hallway
and come to a wooden chest.
2
00:00:08,116 --> 00:00:10,083
Lord Gray Matter,
what do you do?
3
00:00:10,352 --> 00:00:13,529
I poke it with my dagger
to see if there are any traps.
4
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:15,713
There are no traps.
5
00:00:16,036 --> 00:00:18,152
Fire Beak,
what do you do?
6
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:20,752
- Billy?
- What?
7
00:00:21,106 --> 00:00:22,505
You are Fire Beak.
8
00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:24,345
Okay.
9
00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:27,242
So what do you do?
10
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:30,524
I'm Fire Beak.
11
00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:33,536
MARY: Hey, guys, I brought snacks.
12
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,166
Thanks, Mom.
13
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,328
What are y'all playing,
Chutes and Ladders?
14
00:00:37,364 --> 00:00:39,737
Tam is teaching us
Dungeons & Dragons.
15
00:00:40,199 --> 00:00:41,226
Oh.
16
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:45,111
We're on a quest to find the pitchfork
of a devil named Baalzebul.
17
00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:46,490
I'm Fire Beak.
18
00:00:47,289 --> 00:00:48,955
And is this the devil?
19
00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:51,392
No, he's just a monster
who doesn't wear pants.
20
00:00:51,438 --> 00:00:52,839
Oh, I see.
21
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,586
Yes, oh, he's just hanging
right out there, isn't he?
22
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:57,726
Okay, well...
23
00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:01,192
You kids have fun.
24
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,028
ADULT SHELDON:My mother
didn't believe in elves,
25
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,787
fairies, or dragons.
26
00:01:05,823 --> 00:01:06,856
George!
27
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,434
ADULT SHELDON:But she did
believe in the devil.
28
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:10,568
And she did not view him
29
00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:13,171
as an appropriate playmate
for her son.
30
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,238
MARY: George!
31
00:01:14,273 --> 00:01:17,241
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
32
00:01:17,276 --> 00:01:20,376
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
33
00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:22,647
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
34
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:25,854
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
35
00:01:25,890 --> 00:01:30,393
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
36
00:01:30,429 --> 00:01:32,428
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:35,824 --> 00:01:36,941
I'm worried.
38
00:01:36,977 --> 00:01:40,387
There are incantations in this
book to summon actual demons.
39
00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:42,645
Is that how
we wound up with you?
40
00:01:43,441 --> 00:01:45,044
That's a good one.
I'm gonna give you that.
41
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,281
This is not a joke.
42
00:01:46,317 --> 00:01:48,084
This is one of the
children's games
43
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,386
we were warned about in church.
44
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:51,236
Then tell him
to stop playing.
45
00:01:51,272 --> 00:01:52,396
It's not that easy.
46
00:01:52,432 --> 00:01:54,199
He's finally got
a couple of friends.
47
00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:55,705
I don't want to
scare them off.
48
00:01:55,806 --> 00:01:58,107
Well, when you're ready
to scare kids,
49
00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:00,069
you got this face
locked and loaded.
50
00:02:00,358 --> 00:02:02,009
All right,
the other one was funny,
51
00:02:02,045 --> 00:02:03,557
now you're just being
a jackass.
52
00:02:03,593 --> 00:02:05,193
(GEORGE SR. LAUGHING)
53
00:02:05,229 --> 00:02:06,994
I'm glad
you're both amused,
54
00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:09,457
but our little boy's soul
may be at stake.
55
00:02:09,493 --> 00:02:10,467
Come on.
56
00:02:10,503 --> 00:02:12,837
When I was a kid, we were
listening to Black Sabbath,
57
00:02:12,873 --> 00:02:14,151
all that devil music.
58
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,984
Didn't hurt me.
Satan didn't get my soul.
59
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,888
What happened to it?
You trade it for some donuts?
60
00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:23,840
You had that one coming. (LAUGHS)
61
00:02:27,979 --> 00:02:30,179
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
62
00:02:33,901 --> 00:02:35,735
Hello? Mr. Sparks?
63
00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:37,228
- Oh, hello, Mary.
- Got a minute?
64
00:02:37,264 --> 00:02:38,418
Sure, what's up?
65
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:42,542
Um, I was just concerned about
a game that the boys were playing
66
00:02:42,577 --> 00:02:44,638
and was wondering if you and
your wife knew about it.
67
00:02:44,674 --> 00:02:45,672
A game?
68
00:02:45,747 --> 00:02:48,223
Yes, a very disturbing one.
69
00:02:48,259 --> 00:02:49,705
Well, what're we talking about?
70
00:02:49,741 --> 00:02:51,475
Did you catch those boys
playing grab ass?
71
00:02:51,511 --> 00:02:55,588
No. Dungeons & Dragons.
72
00:02:55,624 --> 00:02:57,357
So everybody's got
their trousers up?
73
00:02:57,392 --> 00:02:59,282
- Yes.
- What's the problem?
74
00:02:59,727 --> 00:03:01,595
The game contains demonology,
75
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:04,193
which goes against
the teachings of the church.
76
00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:06,168
But nobody's touching
nothing, right?
77
00:03:06,204 --> 00:03:07,234
No.
78
00:03:07,506 --> 00:03:09,306
Well, then I don't quite know
what you're worried about.
79
00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:10,675
- You don't?
- Nope.
80
00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,205
I'm just thankful Billy
found some friends
81
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,675
and he ain't eating dirt
and crabgrass any more.
82
00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:17,611
Some point,
he just got a taste for it.
83
00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:20,639
On an unrelated note, uh,
84
00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:22,175
you doing something new
with your hair?
85
00:03:22,211 --> 00:03:24,178
It looks, uh, real pretty.
86
00:03:25,287 --> 00:03:26,920
No, but thank you.
87
00:03:27,455 --> 00:03:29,322
Okay, well,
I'm gonna leave you to it.
88
00:03:29,357 --> 00:03:31,540
- Smells good, too.
- All right. Bye-bye.
89
00:03:31,576 --> 00:03:33,026
Hey, you want
chicken for dinner?
90
00:03:33,061 --> 00:03:34,928
I'll slaughter a big one
for you right now.
91
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,022
I'm good.
92
00:03:36,058 --> 00:03:38,226
I'll kill one in case
you change your mind.
93
00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,618
Now which one of you's
tired of this life?
94
00:03:44,239 --> 00:03:45,313
You.
95
00:03:52,948 --> 00:03:54,714
Excuse me, Mr. Nguyen?
96
00:03:54,749 --> 00:03:55,654
Yes?
97
00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:57,990
Hi, you don't know me.
I'm Sheldon's mother.
98
00:03:58,019 --> 00:03:59,352
Ah, the smart boy.
99
00:03:59,387 --> 00:04:01,200
Yes, the smart boy.
100
00:04:01,236 --> 00:04:02,532
You are lucky.
101
00:04:02,568 --> 00:04:04,802
To have a smart son
is a great joy.
102
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,227
I do not have that joy.
103
00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:10,031
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
104
00:04:10,471 --> 00:04:12,499
Listen, are you aware
that Tam and Sheldon
105
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:14,794
are playing Dungeons & Dragons?
106
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:16,263
Dungeons & Dragons?
107
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:20,006
Yes, and it's filled with
demons and satanic images.
108
00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:23,209
(SPEAKING VIETNAMESE)
109
00:04:23,679 --> 00:04:25,667
_
110
00:04:25,703 --> 00:04:27,608
_
111
00:04:27,823 --> 00:04:29,697
_
112
00:04:30,346 --> 00:04:32,696
So what is the problem
with this game?
113
00:04:32,732 --> 00:04:35,922
The problem is, it goes against
the teachings of the church.
114
00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:36,890
All right.
115
00:04:36,925 --> 00:04:38,367
Listen to me.
116
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,782
A problem is starving to death
in a Communist reeducation camp.
117
00:04:41,818 --> 00:04:43,444
A problem is not
seeing your family
118
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,098
for many years while
you remove land mines
119
00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:46,705
from the Ho Chi Minh trail.
120
00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:49,736
A game boys play with
make-believe demons,
121
00:04:49,771 --> 00:04:50,942
not a problem.
122
00:04:52,635 --> 00:04:55,542
Well... I think they
can all be problems.
123
00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:58,526
_
124
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,272
I'm sorry,
I agree with you.
125
00:05:01,308 --> 00:05:02,474
I will talk to Tam.
126
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,800
Oh, good.
Thank you.
127
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:07,637
Well, bye.
Nice meeting you.
128
00:05:09,691 --> 00:05:11,233
Five dollars.
129
00:05:14,195 --> 00:05:16,362
(CLOCK TICKING)
130
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,600
(CLEARS THROAT)
131
00:05:20,635 --> 00:05:22,405
So, Pastor...
132
00:05:23,752 --> 00:05:25,219
How's things going
at the church?
133
00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:27,218
Please, call me Jeff.
134
00:05:27,296 --> 00:05:30,944
And everything's going great
'cause I have the coolest boss.
135
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:34,570
I'm sorry, but I'm kind of
having a hard time
136
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,917
feeling the Holy Spirit
calling you Jeff.
137
00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:40,135
I'm-I'm gonna stick with Pastor.
138
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:41,456
Sure.
139
00:05:41,894 --> 00:05:43,519
Thank you, Pastor.
140
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,927
Yeah, that feels better.
141
00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:49,602
So nice of you to
come over, Pastor Jeff.
142
00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:51,080
He prefers Jeff.
143
00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:52,966
I'm sticking with Pastor.
144
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:56,220
Wait, I changed my mind.
I'm going with PJ.
145
00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:59,680
Brings to mind pajamas,
but that's fine, too.
146
00:06:00,157 --> 00:06:03,343
Anyway, I'm sorry to
drag you into this,
147
00:06:03,378 --> 00:06:05,877
but it is demons,
so it's in your purview.
148
00:06:05,913 --> 00:06:06,946
It is indeed.
149
00:06:06,981 --> 00:06:09,049
In fact, at a recent Young
Baptist Leaders Conference,
150
00:06:09,084 --> 00:06:12,341
I attended a seminar on
satanic leisure activities.
151
00:06:12,377 --> 00:06:13,453
And?
152
00:06:13,488 --> 00:06:15,121
And the important lesson is,
153
00:06:15,156 --> 00:06:17,757
rather than have a parent
or authority figure
154
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,659
take the offending game away,
155
00:06:19,694 --> 00:06:22,711
let God remove it,
root and stem.
156
00:06:22,747 --> 00:06:26,867
Question, PJ. Uh, how's
the big guy do that?
157
00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,803
Simple, Sheldon needs to start
attending Sunday school.
158
00:06:29,838 --> 00:06:32,467
If he likes books
with demons and devils,
159
00:06:32,537 --> 00:06:35,141
I've got one
that will blow his mind.
160
00:06:35,652 --> 00:06:37,025
What book is that?
161
00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:38,460
The Bible, George.
162
00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:39,729
Sure, yeah.
163
00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:42,382
I think that's a wonderful idea.
164
00:06:42,418 --> 00:06:43,982
Although, I am concerned
165
00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:46,658
that we may get a little
pushback from Sheldon.
166
00:06:47,369 --> 00:06:48,621
A little?
167
00:06:49,087 --> 00:06:50,411
No, I won't go.
168
00:06:50,447 --> 00:06:52,135
I don't believe in God.
169
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:55,381
Well, now, what you
believe in is not the point.
170
00:06:55,417 --> 00:06:57,296
Mary, if I may...
171
00:06:57,332 --> 00:07:00,240
Sheldon, I understand you hope
to be a scientist someday.
172
00:07:00,276 --> 00:07:01,367
Yes, sir.
173
00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:02,775
Well, let me ask you a question.
174
00:07:02,872 --> 00:07:04,339
You say you don't
believe in God,
175
00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,272
but what kind of scientist
comes to a conclusion
176
00:07:06,307 --> 00:07:08,213
without first doing
the research?
177
00:07:09,173 --> 00:07:10,698
A bad scientist.
178
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:11,694
That's right.
179
00:07:11,730 --> 00:07:13,879
So I'll see you
Sunday morning at 8:00.
180
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:15,674
No, you won't.
181
00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:19,212
I cast a second level spell
of invisibility on myself.
182
00:07:22,921 --> 00:07:25,389
Well, that game isn't
making him any smarter.
183
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,346
♪ ♪
184
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,895
Shelly, why aren't you asleep?
185
00:07:40,317 --> 00:07:42,692
I'm studying for
Sunday school.
186
00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:44,527
You're reading the Bible?
187
00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:46,343
That's wonderful.
188
00:07:46,765 --> 00:07:48,098
I do have a question.
189
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:49,633
Sure, what?
190
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:52,802
Is there anyone in our town
from the Amalek tribe?
191
00:07:53,163 --> 00:07:54,608
I don't know, why?
192
00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:59,042
If there is, we're supposed
to kill them and their cows.
193
00:07:59,308 --> 00:08:01,873
Well, no.
There's no Amaleks.
194
00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:03,592
Told you.
195
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:09,886
PASTOR JEFF AND CHILDREN:And lead us not
196
00:08:09,921 --> 00:08:11,855
into temptation,
197
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:14,691
but deliver us from evil.
198
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:17,096
For thine is the kingdom
199
00:08:17,132 --> 00:08:19,646
and the power and the glory
200
00:08:19,682 --> 00:08:21,498
forever and forever.
201
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:22,777
And ever. Amen.
202
00:08:22,813 --> 00:08:24,977
- Amen!
- Very good.
203
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,870
Now before we get started
this morning,
204
00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:29,306
I want to introduce
two new students,
205
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:30,874
Sheldon and Missy Cooper.
206
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:32,309
Let's give them
a warm welcome.
207
00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:35,345
(APPLAUSE)
208
00:08:36,859 --> 00:08:37,867
Yes, Billy?
209
00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:39,045
I know them.
210
00:08:40,004 --> 00:08:41,046
Thank you, Billy.
211
00:08:41,082 --> 00:08:42,861
You're welcome, Pastor Jeff.
212
00:08:43,788 --> 00:08:45,889
Now, uh, last week,
213
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:48,758
we started talking
about the Gospel of John.
214
00:08:48,793 --> 00:08:50,560
Does anybody have a notion
215
00:08:50,595 --> 00:08:53,135
as to what God's getting
at in that passage?
216
00:08:53,797 --> 00:08:54,883
Yes, Sheldon?
217
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,033
Chapter one, verse one states,
218
00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:58,702
"In the beginning was the Word,
219
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:01,781
and the Word was with God
and the Word was God.”
220
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,277
Well done.
221
00:09:04,313 --> 00:09:06,776
Thank you. I read
the gospels last night.
222
00:09:06,811 --> 00:09:07,846
Suck up.
223
00:09:08,208 --> 00:09:10,424
Did you know when
the Bible says "the Word,”
224
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:12,848
they're translating the
Greek expression "logos,”
225
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,551
and logos means knowledge.
226
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:17,861
Sounds like someone has
a noggin full of "logos.”
227
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,340
Yes, Billy?
228
00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:20,886
They live on my block.
229
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:22,877
Terrific.
230
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:26,129
SPORTS ANNOUNCER:...as Ellis
will come in to punt.
231
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,228
Five kicks, 38-yard average
232
00:09:29,624 --> 00:09:31,201
I can't believe
he's reading the Bible.
233
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,802
I know.
234
00:09:32,837 --> 00:09:35,205
I'm actually grateful to that
Dungeons & Dragons game.
235
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,507
It helped lead him to God.
236
00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:40,676
Ixnay on the Odskay.
237
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:44,981
I'm done.
238
00:09:45,477 --> 00:09:46,887
You finished it?
239
00:09:47,191 --> 00:09:50,120
All of it. Ask me which
birds are kosher.
240
00:09:50,602 --> 00:09:52,555
I'll bite.
Which birds are kosher?
241
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:55,625
Chickens, yes.
Quail, yes.
242
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,492
Owls, surprisingly no.
243
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,276
Well, there ain't a lot of meat
on them anyway.
244
00:10:00,312 --> 00:10:01,279
MARY: Shelly,
245
00:10:01,315 --> 00:10:04,000
I'm so happy you're taking
an interest in religion.
246
00:10:04,035 --> 00:10:05,201
I am.
247
00:10:05,236 --> 00:10:08,371
And I've decided to explore
other religions, too.
248
00:10:08,821 --> 00:10:10,095
What's this, now?
249
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:11,741
Pastor Jeff encouraged me
250
00:10:11,776 --> 00:10:13,610
to approach religion
scientifically,
251
00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:16,535
so it only makes sense
to enlarge my database.
252
00:10:16,571 --> 00:10:17,781
MARY: No, your database
253
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:20,322
is Baptist. That's all
the data you need.
254
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,575
Baptist data.
255
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,421
What other religions
you considering?
256
00:10:25,176 --> 00:10:26,222
SHELDON: Buddhist, Jewish,
257
00:10:26,257 --> 00:10:28,411
Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
258
00:10:28,447 --> 00:10:29,497
MARY: Nope. Nope.
259
00:10:29,533 --> 00:10:30,676
That's not happening.
260
00:10:30,979 --> 00:10:34,615
Well, why? As an American,
don't I have freedom of religion?
261
00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:37,139
Um...
262
00:10:37,702 --> 00:10:39,536
Those dungeons and dragons
are looking pretty good
263
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,237
right now, aren't they?
264
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,604
I'm also looking into voodoo.
265
00:10:49,594 --> 00:10:51,527
Tam, you're Catholic, right?
266
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:52,415
Yes.
267
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:53,983
Explain it to me.
268
00:10:55,073 --> 00:10:56,085
Explain what?
269
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,887
Well, for starters,
who do you pray to?
270
00:10:58,748 --> 00:11:01,658
I guess, Jesus, God and Mary.
271
00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:03,760
Jesus isn't God?
272
00:11:03,795 --> 00:11:05,383
No, he's his son.
273
00:11:05,586 --> 00:11:07,641
But you do eat him,
and drink his blood.
274
00:11:08,321 --> 00:11:10,308
Oh, there's also a ghost,
275
00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:11,734
but not the scary kind.
276
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:13,436
Like Casper?
277
00:11:13,471 --> 00:11:14,552
Exactly.
278
00:11:15,607 --> 00:11:17,073
And how does the pope work?
279
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:18,241
Well,
280
00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:19,802
the pope lives in Italy.
281
00:11:19,838 --> 00:11:23,006
He has a special car,
and a big pointy hat.
282
00:11:23,577 --> 00:11:25,170
It's a wonderful hat.
283
00:11:25,454 --> 00:11:27,521
And is there anything else
I should know about?
284
00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:28,868
Every once in a while,
285
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:30,740
you have to confess
your sins to a priest.
286
00:11:30,776 --> 00:11:32,789
Not me,
I don't have any sins.
287
00:11:32,824 --> 00:11:34,490
Then you have
the sin of pride.
288
00:11:36,069 --> 00:11:38,361
Your religion is
making me feel bad.
289
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,200
That's how you know
it's working.
290
00:11:40,999 --> 00:11:42,465
(CART ROLLING)
291
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,267
Ms. Hutchins,
what's your religion?
292
00:11:44,545 --> 00:11:46,035
I'm a Mormon, why?
293
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:48,271
I'm conducting
a research project.
294
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:50,306
Can you tell me about
being a Mormon?
295
00:11:51,049 --> 00:11:53,109
Well, it started in New York,
296
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:56,206
when a man found gold plates
buried underground.
297
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:57,512
The plates said that,
298
00:11:57,548 --> 00:12:00,149
when we die, we get to
go to our own planet.
299
00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,068
Unless you're a woman,
300
00:12:02,104 --> 00:12:04,231
then you have to go
to your husband's planet.
301
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:07,056
But that won't be
a problem for me.
302
00:12:07,236 --> 00:12:08,836
I don't have a husband.
303
00:12:08,872 --> 00:12:10,906
All I have is a cat.
304
00:12:10,942 --> 00:12:13,143
A big, mean cat.
305
00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:14,097
Oh...
306
00:12:14,132 --> 00:12:16,432
Maybe I'll get to
go to his planet.
307
00:12:18,539 --> 00:12:21,171
Lonely Cheryl on Planet Cat.
308
00:12:22,888 --> 00:12:24,660
I like her.
She's funny.
309
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:28,745
MEEMAW: You're gonna love Ira.
310
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,146
He's a great guy.
311
00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:31,800
Is he your boyfriend?
312
00:12:31,836 --> 00:12:34,284
Well, he's one of them,
so let's not bring that up.
313
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:35,518
(MEEMAW CHUCKLES)
314
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:38,230
- (CHUCKLING): Hey.
- MEEMAW: Is this a good time?
315
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:40,182
Absolutely.
Come in, come in.
316
00:12:40,346 --> 00:12:42,158
Ira, this is my
grandson Sheldon.
317
00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:44,632
Sheldon, this is my friend Ira.
318
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:46,162
- Hello.
- Howdy.
319
00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,974
So Meemaw tells me
you're Jewish.
320
00:12:49,738 --> 00:12:51,146
Right to it, huh?
321
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,703
All right, let's do this.
Please, sit down.
322
00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:55,751
Thank you so much
for helping out.
323
00:12:55,787 --> 00:12:57,841
Aw, Connie, you know,
anything for you.
324
00:12:58,380 --> 00:12:59,646
So, Sheldon,
325
00:12:59,682 --> 00:13:00,782
you hungry?
326
00:13:00,818 --> 00:13:01,978
You want a nosh?
327
00:13:02,263 --> 00:13:04,330
I don't know,
I've never eaten a nosh.
328
00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:06,482
(CHUCKLING):
Uh, no, a nosh isn't a thing,
329
00:13:06,517 --> 00:13:07,584
it's a... never mind.
330
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,320
Um, would you care for
some hard candy?
331
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,312
Are they kosher?
332
00:13:12,348 --> 00:13:13,556
Who are you, my mother?
333
00:13:13,591 --> 00:13:14,557
(LAUGHS)
334
00:13:14,592 --> 00:13:16,326
All right,
so what can I do for you?
335
00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:19,379
What's it like to be Jewish?
336
00:13:19,415 --> 00:13:21,431
Oh, it's terrible.
I don't recommend it.
337
00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:23,327
- Why?
- Well, for starters,
338
00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:26,605
your life is hemmed in
by ancient, pointless rules.
339
00:13:26,641 --> 00:13:29,005
There's a lot of
yelling, and, uh,
340
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,741
you're probably not gonna get
into a good country club.
341
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:33,807
What about God?
342
00:13:33,843 --> 00:13:34,809
What about him?
343
00:13:35,095 --> 00:13:37,095
Does he play
a part in your life?
344
00:13:37,243 --> 00:13:40,428
Well, historically, he's gotten
a kick out of punishing us.
345
00:13:40,935 --> 00:13:42,602
What about Jesus?
346
00:13:42,637 --> 00:13:44,036
He was Jewish.
347
00:13:44,071 --> 00:13:45,605
Oh, we've got
a lot of celebrities.
348
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,541
Uh, we've got, uh,
we got William Shatner,
349
00:13:48,576 --> 00:13:49,976
and Leonard Nimoy...
350
00:13:50,011 --> 00:13:52,011
Kirk and Spock?
351
00:13:52,046 --> 00:13:53,713
I want to be Jewish.
352
00:13:53,748 --> 00:13:55,381
(LAUGHS) Hold on a second.
353
00:13:55,416 --> 00:13:57,150
Hold... I got a question
for you, Sheldon.
354
00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:00,447
When you grow up, are you
planning on living in Texas?
355
00:14:01,255 --> 00:14:02,522
Probably.
356
00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:05,224
Then I strongly advise you
to stay Baptist.
357
00:14:05,588 --> 00:14:07,515
Maybe even wear a cross.
358
00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:10,229
Why did you move to Texas?
359
00:14:10,264 --> 00:14:11,464
Well, that's simple.
360
00:14:11,499 --> 00:14:14,567
Medford had no Jews,
so there was an opening for one.
361
00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:17,524
And you got it?
Good for you.
362
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,538
(IRA CHUCKLES)
363
00:14:18,573 --> 00:14:20,490
I love this kid.
364
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,014
Me, too.
365
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,665
Mwah.
366
00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:33,519
Hey.
367
00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:34,954
How's it going?
368
00:14:34,989 --> 00:14:39,091
Good. Did you know that
Zoroaster believed in two gods?
369
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:40,432
No, I did not.
370
00:14:40,612 --> 00:14:42,595
And the Taoists don't
believe in God at all.
371
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:44,597
They believe in
a principle of harmony.
372
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:45,998
How very nice for them.
373
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:48,301
Shelly, I understand
you enjoy researching things.
374
00:14:48,336 --> 00:14:49,569
Love it.
375
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,305
But it's important
to keep in mind
376
00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:54,774
that there is only one true God.
377
00:14:54,809 --> 00:14:56,776
That's called monotheism.
378
00:14:56,811 --> 00:14:59,646
I have a book about it
if you're interested.
379
00:15:00,481 --> 00:15:03,750
That's okay,
I have the book about it.
380
00:15:05,485 --> 00:15:08,931
Would you be angry with me
if I don't pick your religion?
381
00:15:10,491 --> 00:15:12,658
I could never be
angry with you.
382
00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:16,764
You be a seeker of
your own truth.
383
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:20,333
Thanks, Mom.
384
00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:26,037
And if the truth turns out
to be Satan,
385
00:15:26,073 --> 00:15:28,374
I will do battle with him.
386
00:15:28,409 --> 00:15:30,609
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
387
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,775
MALE VOICE: Welcome, Sheldon.
388
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,268
FEMALE VOICE: We've
been waiting for you.
389
00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,870
Are you the Ten Commandments?
390
00:15:57,905 --> 00:15:59,038
No.
391
00:15:59,073 --> 00:16:00,373
We are one.
392
00:16:00,408 --> 00:16:02,141
And zero.
393
00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:03,943
We are the binary code
394
00:16:03,978 --> 00:16:06,025
that underlies the universe.
395
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:09,096
The ten thing is
a common mistake.
396
00:16:09,627 --> 00:16:11,984
I want to understand God.
397
00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:13,386
Can you help me?
398
00:16:13,421 --> 00:16:15,388
Did you not hear
what we just said?
399
00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:18,024
It's a binary universe.
400
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:19,458
God is yes and no.
401
00:16:19,493 --> 00:16:20,893
Left and right.
402
00:16:20,928 --> 00:16:22,161
On and off.
403
00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:23,629
Something and nothing.
404
00:16:23,664 --> 00:16:25,002
Positive and negative.
405
00:16:25,038 --> 00:16:26,666
Male and female.
406
00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:27,967
Light and dark.
407
00:16:28,002 --> 00:16:30,706
But why is there evil
and suffering?
408
00:16:30,742 --> 00:16:32,805
Well, without evil and suffering,
409
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,674
there is no good and happiness.
410
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:37,054
Oh, sure.
Binary.
411
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:40,680
Shall we give him the
final piece of information
412
00:16:40,715 --> 00:16:43,322
that unlocks
the secret of the universe?
413
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,052
Why not?
414
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,683
At least one human being should
know the reason for everything.
415
00:16:48,009 --> 00:16:49,443
Sheldon,
416
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:52,826
before the universe began...
417
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:55,789
GEORGE JR.:Hey, dummy.
418
00:16:55,825 --> 00:16:57,859
You're drooling
all over your books.
419
00:16:57,895 --> 00:16:58,918
Huh?
420
00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:00,499
No.
421
00:17:00,534 --> 00:17:03,536
Zero was about to tell me
the secret and you ruined it.
422
00:17:04,939 --> 00:17:07,856
ADULT SHELDON:I never heard
from One and Zero again.
423
00:17:08,036 --> 00:17:11,777
Although, I was once visited
by Nine when I had chickenpox.
424
00:17:11,812 --> 00:17:15,196
He was a lot less funny
than he thought he was.
425
00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:20,553
PASTOR JEFF: Okay, "What God means to me."
426
00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:22,493
Who'd like to go first?
427
00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:23,616
Billy.
428
00:17:23,652 --> 00:17:25,185
I'd like to go third.
429
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:27,560
All righty.
430
00:17:27,595 --> 00:17:28,961
Who's feeling brave?
431
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:30,666
Missy.
432
00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:31,968
I'll go second.
433
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:34,967
Great.
Does anybody want to go first?
434
00:17:35,002 --> 00:17:36,002
I'll go.
435
00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:38,955
Okay. Come on up here, Sheldon.
Let's hear what you got.
436
00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:44,610
I've spent the last week
studying what people believe,
437
00:17:44,645 --> 00:17:46,312
and I've come to a conclusion.
438
00:17:46,347 --> 00:17:47,713
And what's that?
439
00:17:47,911 --> 00:17:50,395
- I'm starting my own religion.
- I'm sorry, what?
440
00:17:50,651 --> 00:17:52,585
I'm calling it Mathology.
441
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,087
It's based on
a universal binary system.
442
00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:58,090
That's terrific, Sheldon, but
this is a Baptist Sunday school.
443
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,626
I know,
I'm here to convert everybody.
444
00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:02,346
- Any takers?
- Okay.
445
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,040
PASTOR JEFF: Let's go have
a talk with your mom.
446
00:18:04,298 --> 00:18:07,249
The only sin in Mathology
is being stupid.
447
00:18:13,079 --> 00:18:15,578
Welcome to
the Church of Mathology.
448
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,447
Today, I'd like to talk about prime
numbers, and why they bring us joy.
449
00:18:19,602 --> 00:18:21,369
Hallelujah!
450
00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:28,814
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