All language subtitles for This.Is.Us.S02E17.This.Big.Amazing.Beautiful.Life.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-NTb

Previously on This Is Us...

You know what I thought of the
first time I heard your name?

I thought of the expression
"déjà vu."

'Cause you remind me
a little of myself

when I was your age.

They dropped the charges.

I'm here for my daughter.

I've got this big,

amazing, beautiful life.

Bye, Randall.

And if I'm seeing me in you...

We just want to make sure

that you're safe
and you're well taken care of.

Uh, we're making it work.

...if seeing you
is giving me that

sweet, sweet déjà vu feeling,

I think that means it's gonna
happen for you, too.

Grandma, I'm scared.

Oh, baby, there's nothing
to be scared of.

I was here with your mama.

Feels like yesterday.

Feels like déjà vu.

-Uh-huh.
-Baby.

Listen.

All right, Rebecca,
one more big push, now.

-There you go.

Keep pushing, keep pushing.

-All right.

There you go.

First male is out,

and he is looking good...

You hear that, baby?
We got a boy!

We got a boy!

We got a boy...

Welcome to the world, Deja.

Grandma,

I-I can't. Told you,
my back's still sore.

Yes, your back.

I heard you the last two times.

I'll get the nurse to get you
something for your pain.

But I need for you
to hold your daughter.

Get to know her.

-Let her get to know you.
-She grew inside me.

-I think we know each other
pretty well. -No.

No. No, you don't. Not really.

You have to hold her.

You will never forget the first
time you bond with your baby.

Grandma, I'm just tired.

You ain't tired.

You're just upset with Dennis.

You and your mom
are just the same--

always worried about some boy.

But, baby girl, I'm gonna
straight-talk you now.

I know you're only 16,

but playtime is over.

And it's time for you
to grow up.

This child is here now,

and she deserves a mother
who will put her first.

So...

Mm.

Watch her head. Watch her head.

G.G.!

Deja, what you doing up?

It's almost midnight.

Where's your mama?

Scoot.

Come on. Scoot.

Baby girl,

did you give away my brooch?

-Mr. Bear's just borrowing it.
-Well, he'd better take

real good care of it,
because I know where he lives.

Mwah!

-Mmm!

Okay,

what we gonna read tonight?

Goodnight Moon.

Goodnight Moon! Good choice!

That's my favorite.

Let me see. Uh...

Ah, here it is.

Okay.

Now...

"In the great green room

"There was a telephone

"And a red balloon

And a picture of the cow..."

"...jumping over the moon."

"And there were three
little bears sitting on chairs

"And two little kittens

And a pair of mittens."

"And a comb and a brush
and a bowl full of mush

And a quiet old lady
who was whispering 'hush.'"

Goodnight room

"Goodnight moon

"Goodnight cow
jumping over the moon

"Goodnight light

And the red balloon."

"And goodnight noises...

everywhere."

Why was that child
left alone in this house?

-Aw, Grandma, come on.

I tucked her in,
I put her to bed.

I was just at Brandon's.

His place is two blocks
from here.

I could practically see her
from there.

I was with Deja all day.
I just thought...

You thought that you could just
feed her some cold-ass pizza

and put on a hoochie dress
and go out and have some fun?

You don't have to talk to me
like that. I'm not a child.

Oh, so you think you grown?

-I'm 19.
-Oh, so you

grown enough to clean up
around here without me

-I do clean up.

-Why you always saying
I don't clean up Well,

you grown enough
to pay one of these bills?

Because you use everything

and you pay for nothing.

-You think I like living off
of you? -I don't know,

Shauna, because you're sure in
hell not trying to change that.

If I could, I would.

I would be in college
right now with my friends.

I wouldn't be here raising
no baby.

Well, I didn't think
you'd be here either.

I'm sorry.

I know.

Do I use whole or
canned tomatoes? -Both. -Both.

I can't carry this for you.

Not forever.

G.G.?

I'm okay, baby.

Grandma.

Grandma.

Please. Help! Somebody help!

Grandma. Come on,
breathe for me. Breathe.

You can't sleep either?

What are we gonna do now?

-"In the great green room

"There was a telephone

"And a red balloon

And a picture of the cow
jumping over the moon."

"And there were three little
bears sitting on chairs..."

-TESS: Get ready!
-WILLIAM: Ready.

-Set! Go!
- Set.

-Go.
-Oh, my God.

-Oh, you're gonna beat...
-Get it, get it, get it!

-Okay, whip 'em, whip 'em,
whip 'em! -Okay, okay.

-Whip, whip, whip.
-Oh, my God! -Come on! Get him!

-How fast you're going!

Hey!
-Aw.

Okay.

You see what I'm doing?

It's sticking on to me.

Flour. Like what they're doing.

-Careful, Kev! Careful.

Have you seen my vest?

-In the bathroom.

They shut the water off.

I get paid Friday.

We can shower at Mrs. Johnson's
till the water's back on.

It's 8:15, Ma. You got to go.

I know, I know.

Happy birthday.

Thank you, baby.

Get your stuff.
I'm taking you to school.

No, you can't. Sam's gonna
be mad if you're late again.

Well, let him be mad.
It's my birthday,

and I want to take my baby girl
to school.

Okay.

The electricity bill
was-was right here.

I put it in the mail yesterday.

What would I do without you?

-I beat every girl in my class
in the sprints.

Yes.

Mr. Troxell had me race
against the boys.

Yeah.

Well, you might beat me, then.

Mom.

Stop.

I'm not gonna race you
in the streets.

Fine.

What time are you off work?

I'm picking up some
extra hours, so 7:00.

7:00 like 7:00,
or 7:00 like 10:00?

Okay, don't be a smart-ass.

7:00 like 7:00. Why?

I'm making you dinner
for your birthday,

and don't ask me what,
'cause it's a surprise.

Okay. Just make sure
you don't burn it.

-Like last time. -Get off me.
: Get off...

Ouch.

Hey, it's Shauna.

-Leave a message.
: Mom.

Mom, where are you?

I hurt myself.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, please.

Can you-- I cut my hand.

Okay, okay.

Let's get you all wrapped up.

-Good.

Now, it is gonna itch
for a few weeks,

but just try not to scratch it,

because we want it to heal,
okay?

-All right.

Excuse me.

Deja, hi.

My name is Linda.

I'm from Child Services.

Just want to make sure
you're okay.

Deja, you told the nurse
your mom was at work.

And we called her job
and she's not there.

Do you have any idea
where she could be?

Excuse me.

Hello. Um, I got a message
that my daughter is here.

-Ma.
-Deja.

Wh

Uh, we went out for my birthday,
and my phone died.

I'm so sorry, baby girl.

I'm Linda.
We need to talk.

-In private, please. -No, no,
no, no, no. Just give me...

-Just step right out...

-I just got here.
-Just go through the door.

-Did you hear that my
phone died? -Mm-hmm.

Then what do you want?

I can sort of smell the alcohol.

No, no, no.
I only had one drink.

-I'm Child Protective Services.
-No, no, no. You don't--

no, no, no.
No, that's not necessary.

-That's not necessary...
-I just...

Can't tell you how many times
I've slept on this thing.

It's not much of a bed,
but it's comfortable.

I-I'll do it, I'll do it.

I've called around.

I'm gonna need
pretty immediate placement.

For one night.

Maybe longer, I'm not sure yet.

Lookin' like a court jester,
heard what ya said

And that's messed up

But we won't address ya

We go bang-bang,
we go bang-bang

And if it don't
concern you...

Come on. Try it.

I can't. I'm not as good
as you.

Nobody's as good as me.

Now get up. I can't have you

at the school dance
acting all boring.

Doing good.

What's with all the damn noise?

You can't knock?

Turn that crap off
and get your asses to school.

But the buses aren't even here
yet, Foster Dad.

Out. Now. Before I toss you
out that window.

Well, can you see me now?

Revenge is sweet,
but we had fun...

Well?

Did you see his face?

Why do you talk to him
like that?

That only gets him madder.

You should be thanking me.

Long as I talk, he focuses on me
and not you.

-But you always get in trouble.
-Exactly.

When he gets drunk,
he's gonna hit me, anyway.

Might as well have some fun
before he does.

Stop worrying about
lame-ass Mr. Miller.

His life sucks.

-He's got no job and his wife's
butt ugly.

You know what you're wearing
to the dance?

I got this purple dress I like,
but I don't have any makeup.

We could just get our own.

With what money?

Raven, no. Mr. Baldwin's so old.
We can't do...

That's why it'll be easy.
Deja, damn.

-I like you, but you're soft.
-I'm not soft.

-Okay.
-I'm not.

You're soft, Deja.

You're quiet and you're sweet
and you're soft.

Now, come on.

Hey, Mr. B.

Hey, Mr. Baldwin.

Hey, girls.

RAVEN:
Deja, come on. Take this.

Stop looking at him.

Here.

And this.

And one of these.

Let's go.

Bye, girls.

Um, is

Yes, it's necessary;
it's contouring.

Raven, Deja, come on down here.

He's never beat you
that bad before.

The Millers tell me you're going

to a school dance next week.

That's wonderful.

When do I go home?

Deja.

Your mother's been in and out
of treatment for the past year.

She only started using that
stuff 'cause she misses me.

I understand.

But I want to make sure

the next time you go home
it's for good,

and that's not the case
right now.

Is everything okay here?

You can tell me
if something's wrong.

Okay.

I'll have a quick word with
the Millers before I head out.

Enjoy the dance.

I'll see you in a couple weeks.

He hits us.

Raven.

Raven, are you awake?

Raven, are you mad at me?

Leave me alone.

I had to say something.

Do you know how many beds
I've slept in?

I don't.

'Cause by the year
I turned nine, I lost count.

At least he only hit.

We could have stayed
in those beds for years.

Now we'll get separated.

It's like a storm
once it starts, Deja.

Bed after bed after bed.

Before,

at least we had each other,

at least we weren't alone.

Your mom's doing much better;
I'm optimistic.

Deja.

I was thinking
about making dinner,

maybe Grandma's jambalaya.

Been a while.

And I can help.

What would I do without you?

A friend from rehab
might join us tonight

if that's all right.

Uh, yeah.

I'm telling you,

-even the abuelitas were dancing
in the street. -SHAUNA: Mm.

It was crazy.
But that's DR, you know.

I don't know. Maybe I can
take you there some day.

-Deja!

That's okay. She can ask.

I work for myself.

Doing what?

I run a few businesses.

You know, merchandizing mostly.

Look,

I know this is a lot
for you, Deja.

You and your mom are just trying
to figure your stuff out,

and here I come,
fresh out of rehab.

Laugh like
a Disney villain, right?

You know, I think I was
just a little older than you

when my mom met my stepdad,

and no matter what he did,
I hated the guy.

But I really hope
that you'll give me

a chance to prove myself to you,

because I really like your mom.

You know, like,
I really, like, like her.

-Like, so much. Like, serious,
you know

-Give me a break.

You took my money
and did what with it?

I told you it sounded
like a good deal, right?

That was a lot of money, Lonzo.

-Please.

I'm trying to get you
and Dej out of here.

Lonzo, please. What is this gun
doing in the house?

-Just tell me.

I was trying to help you out,
but I just...

-Didn't I tell you to stay out
of my stuff? -Okay, I'm sorry,

but we have a child
in this house. You know that.

I know we got a child
in this house.

Okay, then just get rid
of it, okay? Please.

Shauna, why don't you just
admit it, right?

You're better off without me.

-No, that's not...

Where are

my car keys?

I can't be late for work.

Pass them chips, dude.

Did you at least
fill up the tank

Hey, Ma,
I'm gonna be home late.

Why

Nothing. I just...
I got this thing after school.

Oh, okay.

-Mm-hmm.
-Well, have a good day.

-I love you.
-Love you, too.

Hey, you got
that math test today, right?

Yup.

Let me help.

All right, girls?

Girls?

Girls, come on!

-Let's get started.

Hey, uh-uh.
Kesha, zip it.

Listen, we have the fall
dance slam in a week.

I need y'all to just show out
on these solos.

Come on. Deja, you're up.

Can I help you, Officers?

Why'd I get taken out of school?

I'm missing drill team.
What's going on?

Your mom's been arrested.

She's in custody. All I know

so far is she was pulled over,

and the police found a gun
in her car.

Well, it's not hers.

Well, they are gonna try to get
to the bottom of this as quickly

as they can,
and in the meantime...

Where am I going?

Hi there. Come in.

-Hi, guys. This is Deja.
-BETH: Hi.

Hi, Deja.

It's really nice to meet you.

I'm Randall.

I'm Beth.

So happy to have you here.

This is Tess and Annie.

You can sleep in the reading
chair if you're scared.

You're a good person, I think,

Deja, but you need
to listen to me.

The next time you find a bed

that feels even a little safe,

don't blow it.

Please take the words
to carry away

There's others in need
of the song

We all bury our fathers...

"I had fun, too, Foster Dad."

I'm going to talk
to my daughter!

-I just...

Dayje. Hey, Tater Tot.

We are singing

To comfort pain...

You remember what I told you
about working hard.

All right?

Big house, fancy car?

Big house.

Fancy car.

If my path is to worry

Then I'll walk in shame

I'd rather find beauty
in pain... *

Bye, Randall.

Bye, Dej.

-He's gone. It's just us.

I'm gonna get it right
this time, Deja.

Look what I made.

-I made it at school.

It's kind of like a home bank.

We can use it to save money.

Go on, say it.

"What would you do without me?"

Okay.

My mom doesn't know I'm here.

We're past due on our gas.

We haven't had heat
in a couple of weeks.

I didn't know where else to go.

I paid you on the first.

With a bounced check.

That is your third
bounced check.

Hey, lower your voice.

I should have kicked you
out of here months ago.

-I told you I'm good for it.
-You're good for nothing.

You pay your rent by the end
of the day, or you're gone.

We're getting evicted?

Nobody's getting evicted.

-But Terry just said...
-Don't worry about it.

I said I'll figure it out.

The box is empty, Mom.
What happened?

We have bills, Deja.

Damn. I'm picking up
extra shifts, but we have bills.

And I had to help
with Lonzo's bail.

!
-He's locked up,

and it's my fault.
I can't just turn my back.

!
!

It's always gonna be something,
isn't it?

Okay, you need
to watch your tone.

Look, I'll figure this out.

You don't have to worry.

Deja?

Come back here! Deja!

Deja...

You've reached Randall Pearson

of R & B Properties.
Please leave a message,

and I'll get back to you
as soon as I can.

Uh, what can I get for this?

Look, we're not Goodwill.

We don't take
this kind of stuff here.

Sorry.

Hello?

Deja. It's Randall.

I saw you called.

Uh, yeah. Um...

that Bill Nye guy
was just on TV.

I just thought of you.

Oh. Okay.

Well, uh, we're in Las Vegas,

but I'm keeping my phone
on me, okay?

If you need anything.

Okay.

So your heat's back on?
It's all good?

Yeah. Um, I'm sorry.

It's hard to call
when my mom's around.

You have

Been

Strong in my mind

Today

Who that

I love

Stands in

My way

Keeps me

From trying

Who am I

To say

My love

Is dying

To be

On your way

* Why

Am I always

Drawn to the darkest light

It seems

That I

I believe

I can help it shine

So let me...

Hey, um, let me
get you something to drink.

-You're back!
-Deja!

-Girls,

you remember Deja's mom, Shauna?

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Hey.
-There you go.

Why don't you guys take these
into the other room, huh?

This is just temporary.

Yeah. I mean,
we'll sort it all out.

You stay here tonight,
get a good meal.

But we don't have
to decide anything now.

I'm sure you want to wash up,
settle in.

Yeah, bathroom's upstairs.
You'll find it.

There's, uh, fresh towels
on the rack.

Thank you.

-So...

-I don't like it.
But I like red. -Oh!

-I don't know...
I don't know if she meant it

-in a nice kind of way...
-Oh, oh, oh. Oh, I see.

I would like

to introduce to all of you,

my instructor,
the man who taught me

how to fight.

-Please welcome...

if you will...

Sergeant John Hurney.

Sorry it's the couch
for tonight.

The basement's
a bit of a mess right now.

-Oh, this is fine for us.
Thank you. -Okay.

Um, can I sleep in my old room?

If that's okay.

Of course.

Okay.

Good night, Deja.

Good night.

You ran track?

Yeah. In high school.

I was anchor
in the four

No. I just did cheerleading.

I hated it.

I only did it
to impress this guy

on the basketball team,
Richard Gavin.

He looked like D'Angelo.

Say no more.

-Mm-hmm.

I never seen her acting
like that,

-like she was tonight.

Like a kid.

I was a teenager
when I had Deja.

I don't mean that as an excuse.

Well, maybe I do.
I don't, I don't know.

She's special though,
isn't she?

I know all mothers think that,

but I-I think she's really
special

She is.

I failed Deja.

-No. You didn't.

No, I failed her,
and I can't keep failing her.

You know what I always
say to her?

I say, "What would I do
without you?"

I've been saying that to her
since she was five.

Who puts that on a kid?

Who does that?

May I?

You kept them alive.

It's no biggie.

Just made sure they got
enough light, enough Beyoncé,

enough water.

This one's looking
a little droopy.

Oh, you didn't know?
That's a new species.

It's a Hibiscus droopus.

It's very rare.

Oh, my God,
you're still so corny.

Like I'm on the cob, baby.

Oh, God.

-Yeah.

I know it's kind of
a weird night.

What you thinking?

Thinking about how many beds
I've slept in already,

in my whole life.

S-Scary thing to think about,
'cause the number's pretty high.

You remember, a while ago,

you told me
I reminded you of you?

I do.

That was kind of weird to me,
honestly,

'cause you seemed
so different from me.

Psst.

It just didn't seem
very déjà-vu'y to me.

But then I started thinking,

isn't it weird how everyone
goes to sleep at night?

Like,

everyone in the whole planet.

All these people.

People I'll never know.

Some are poor.

Some are rich.

Some sleep in beds.

Some sleep on the floor.

But, at the end of the day,

everyone sleeps.

And I guess,
if you think about it hard,

you know, got other stuff
everyone's got, too.

Things that hurt them.

Things that make them
feel better.

Anyway, I don't know
if that's déjà vu, but, um,

that's just what
I was thinking about.

I'm really tired.

I know, sweetheart.

I got to go.

And I can't take her with me.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH