Original subtitles

Disrobe, please, and put this gown on.

God, it's cold in here.

Now, fill this bottle.

I-I don't think I can fill the whole thing.

You certainly look like you can.

Oh, thank you.

I'll do the best I can.

God, it's cold in here.

I filled it up.

That's a good boy.

Thank you.

Well, hand me the bottle.

Could I hold onto it a little longer?

It keeps my hands warm.

Hello? Hello, is this x-ray?

Step up here. Stand still.

Hold your breath, and you will not speak.

God, it's dark.

Well, you're lucky, 'cause I'm ugly.

Now, you will drink this down without stopping.

God, are you sure this isn't the bottle I just filled?!

No jokes, please. All right, here we go.

I'm upside down! I'm turning upside down!

Don't be alarmed.

Now, I am just going to insert this tube.

Insert what tube?

Don't insert- I can't see! It's dark!

Insert the tube where? Where? Aah!

That's where. Just let it fill your lower abdomen.

I can't hold it! I can't hold it!

Well, think of it as a contest.

I'm losing the contest! I can't hold it!

I tell you, I can't hold it! Aah!

Aah! Ooh, schweinhund!

here's another fine mess that I'm into, honey

it's a little bit sad and a little bit funny

so listen if you want to know the score

it's a story that you've probably heard before

It's the same thing ali macgraw had in love story.

No. What you have is

A toxic blood disease.

If I remember correctly,

Miss macgraw had leukemia.

Yeah, but I wind up the same way...

Dead.

I didn't say that, mr. Lawson.

You didn't have to say it.

Don't be afraid to say it, dr. Krugman.

I've had the biopsies.

Had the blood tests.

I had the spinal taps.

I've been to 3 doctors.

How long have I got?

It's really very difficult to say.

Try.

It's difficult to say because there's always a chance

That there's some doctor somewhere in some little lab

Who may find a cure.

Look, I'm not talking about some miracle.

Now, barring some miracle...

I'm a big man.

I'm a strong guy, you know what I mean?

I can handle it.

Now tell me... How long have I got?

I'd say you got a year.

Oh, my god! No!

I can't believe it!

A year to live!

I can't believe it!

Oh, shit!

What's the shortest?

I've seen some cases go in 3 months.

Oh, shit!

I got 3 months to live!

You can say 3 months if you choose

To look at this thing on its most negative level.

That's where I choose to look at it...

At the most negative level.

That's where I'm comfortable.

The most negative level.

I don't even feel sick.

I feel sick, but I don't feel like I'm dying.

I feel lousy,

But I don't feel like I'm dying!

People kept saying, "you're losing so much weight.

You look great."

"god, you look great.

You're losing so much weight!"

I do look good.

Don't I look good?

You look good.

You look very good.

I think you're going through

A period of remission.

You know, people frequently take on

An almost glowing quality...

Just before they die.

I don't understand

Why you didn't call your own doctor sooner.

Surely, you must have known

That you were quite ill for some time.

I thought I discovered a new way to lose weight-

Throwing up.

Throwing up's no good. That's not good.

You can't keep that up.

It's gonna get worse, isn't it?

Yeah. Unfortunately,

As the disease progresses,

The pain increases.

I'm very curious.

How do you feel right now?

I don't have a headache today.

I didn't have one yesterday.

My stomach is kind of bad.

On a scale from 1 to 10, it's about a 6.

You rate the pain?

That's interesting.

That's really interesting.

You talk about pain...

We had a guy-

Came in this office about 2-3 years ago...

Never mind.

Anyway, we have wonderful drugs.

We really have miraculous drugs for pain.

Really make you feel good.

We'll give you bone marrow injections,

Perhaps tie off some veins,

And maybe...

Maybe we'll remove your spleen.

No.

No!

You're not going to remove nothing.

I haven't had much dignity in my life,

But I'll have some dignity in my death.

I won't tell anybody about this, see?

I won't tell my mother or my father.

Not gonna tell my little daughter julie.

Nobody will know that I'm going to die.

Nobody!

Damn! Sorry.

You were saying.

Just tell me one thing.

What's it gonna be like at the very end?

Oh, well...

You're really not making it easy on me.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Ok. All right.

In the final stages,

You will be hospitalized.

You will experience

A great deal of shortness of breath,

Severe cramps,

And a great deal of hemorrhaging.

A great deal.

You forgot to make another appointment.

Mr. Lawson!

Mr. Lawson!

here's another fine mess I'm into, honey

they won't cut me loose, not for love nor money

I'm a fighter, but they got me on the floor

don't believe I'm gonna take this anymore

here's another fine mess I've stumbled into

as sorry a state as I've ever been to

though it's difficult for some to understand

I'm gonna knuckle down and take it like a man

Pronounced dead by a rotten corporation.

I'm gonna knuckle down and take it like a man

Excuse me, excuse me.

Excu-

I got something in my eye.

Uggh.

Hey!

What did he die of?

What, are you crazy? Get out of here!

Sir?

Sir?

Ma'am? Your beloved...

What did he die of?

You can have a little dignity.

I might have been a customer!

Yeah, in 2 seconds!

Oh, god, the corpse slammed against the door!

Excuse me, kid.

Do you know where I can talk to a priest?

I'm a priest.

Oh.

Really. I am.

No, I believe you. I think.

It's on my driver's license.

That's all right.

It's just that you look so young.

Young, yes.

I made a decision to serve god

Right after I got out of high school.

Oh, that's nice.

You got the calling, huh?

No, it's more like a whisper.

Nothing like in the movies.

I love movies.

That's very interesting, very interesting.

Sir? If you'd like an older priest...

No, no, that's ok.

Do they call you "father," father-what?

Benson.

Father benson.

I'd, uh...Like to make a confession.

Really?

Yes.

Gee, I haven't heard many confessions.

Matter of fact, you'd be one of my first.

Your first?

In the field, I mean.

We used to practice on friends at the seminary.

They all had such crummy little sins.

Barely worth confessing.

Maybe you should have a priest

With a little more experience.

Father o'hara will be here this afternoon.

He's old.

Look, I don't know how to put this.

This is going to be my last confession.

No!

Yeah. You see, I'm dying.

No.

You mean like- in dead?

Like in dead, yeah.

Dying, like in dead, right.

Dying. Wow.

A lot of people say that father o'hara

Looks just like barry fitzgerald...

You know, kindly, twinkle in the eyes.

I don't want to talk to father o'hara.

I want to talk to you.

Me?

Yes. I haven't got that much time.

I got to make my confession now, ok?

Certainly.

Thank you.

One other thing. I have a hard time

Calling you "father," father.

Call me dave, if it is more comfortable.

Dave. Thanks.

After you...

My son.

Bless me, dave, for I have sinned.

Dave?

Yes, I'm still here.

Think I'd rather call you "father."

Fine.

Bless me, father, for I have sinned.

How long has it been since your last confession?

Last confession I made was...

22 years ago.

Boy, that's a long time.

I was hoping one of us would be good at this.

What?

I said-

Why have you stayed away from god's house?

I don't know.

I just stopped going to church after I...

I sort of lost interest

After I discovered fu-sex.

That's when we lose them.

I believe in god.

Don't worry.

We all lack faith sometimes.

Want me to tell you something?

Yeah.

Every day...

I have questioned if I made the right decision,

Becoming a priest.

You see, becoming a priest,

That can keep a person from committing sin, sure,

But it can't keep a person from lusting after women,

Craving alcohol,

Dreaming of screwing a business partner,

Contemplating going out every night-

This is my dime. Do you mind?

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Where was I?

Um..."bless me." that part.

Oh, yeah.

Bless me, father, for I have sinned.

Among my grievous sins...

Is jacking off still a sin?

I mean, now?

Is that still your biggie?

It is mine, man.

Oh, I know. I sell real estate.

That's a sin?

The way I sell it, it is.

Also...

Also, I...

Well, the whole time I was married-

When I should have been a good father

To my daughter-

I was out copulating around with other women.

You...

You committed adultery during your marriage?

Yes, I did.

About...How many times?

Well, let's see, I was married 8 years.

About 200 times.

Jesus christ, son of our lord,

Blessed member of the holy trinity.

200 times?

Wow! All right!

How's it going?

Fine.

Where do they keep the dying patients?

Everywhere.

I mean the terminally ill.

Do they keep them in a special place?

I don't know. I ain't no doctor.

I'm a singer.

I just work here part-time.

you make me feel like dancin'

going to dance the night away

you make me feel like dancin'

going to dance the night away

That's real nice.

Where are the dying people?

Why?

'cause I'm dying myself! Dead in a month.

Don't touch the food.

Oh, sorry.

Check the third floor.

Don't think any of those folks are leaving.

At least not through the front door.

Thanks.

Can I use the stairs?

Yeah, man.

you make me feel like dancin'

going to dance the night away

Dr. Cambert, report to intensive care immediately.

What?

Dr. Cambert...Never mind.

Oh, my god.

I'm not gonna end up like that.

Honey, you can't come.

I'm still in intensive care.

I sneaked out to call you.

Talk some of that trash to me.

I have an important call.

Buzz off, fella.

Honey, you know what I want.

Talk that lovey talk.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

I hate to be rude, but this really is important.

Kiss my ass!

Not you, honey.

No, it's some guy.

Oh, that's it!

Don't make me breathe too heavy!

I don't get my pacemaker till tomorrow.

Yeah! What?

Yeah, that's the good part.

I'll call you back.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Darlene, is marty there?

Lunch?

Hell, it's only 11:00.

Where is he having lunch?

I don't give a crap what he said!

Where is he?

Darlene, I'll be dead in 24 hours!

Now where's he having lunch?

Casa ve-

Marty, you're my best friend,

You're my lawyer, and you're jewish,

So you're used to pain.

I've got to talk.

What about?

About dying.

Meaning what?

Lying underground and holding your breath forever.

I know that. What's this got to do with you?

Everything! I'm going to die!

My doctor told me.

They say anything to keep you coming.

No, marty. Listen to me.

I've got a toxic blood disease.

I've known for 3 months.

My chest aches.

Everything aches.

I'm nauseous all day and sick.

Why didn't you tell me?

I told you!

Every time I'm in your office, I throw up on your desk!

Was that you?

Yes!

Marty, I'm going to kill myself.

Sonny, the enchilada plate here-

Did you hear what I said? I'm going to kill myself!

I really am.

Sonny...

You're the sweetest guy I know.

I'm so sorry.

Forget it.

It doesn't bother me.

That bothers me.

I'm sorry, sonny. I'm hungry.

I haven't eaten all day.

Eat, if you can eat when I'm dying.

I don't have to.

I have more time.

True.

Sonny.

Jessie, julie...

I will do anything I can for them.

What a guy.

I appreciate it.

Sonny.

This is morbid,

But we're on the subject.

In what manner...

How do you-

To do it?

Yeah. How-

I think...

I think sleeping pills.

Ah!

Most painless. Right?

I don't have any,

But I could borrow some.

Good.

You got any?

No.

I have sleep-eze.

You can't o.D. On sleep-eze.

You could, but it would take 3,000.

Yeah.

Well...

I'm gonna go by and see mary ellen.

But I'm not going to tell her that-

Oh, no.

I'll just say I'll be back sometime.

Intelligent, sensitive...

That's what we expect of you.

You can't be dying, sonny!

Don't tell me that!

It can't be true!

Honey, I'm...

I'm sorry, baby.

I shouldn't have told you.

Sonny, not now.

Sonny!

This could be my last meal.

Sonny, not now!

Just making a little joke.

Well, it's a terrible one!

You're using your death.

Yeah. You're right.

I guess I was going for a pity fuck.

Sonny.

Oh, my sweet sonny!

Stupid idea.

Oh, sonny, what can I do

To make you feel better?

I didn't think you'd go for it.

Oh, sonny, I'll do anything!

Noooo!

Ha ha ha!

Kitty, kitty.

How was it in there?

Hmm, felt good.

Did you...

Did you...You know?

No.

There was a moment there

When you arched your back and let out a little sigh...

I thought maybe you reached orgasm then.

No.

You know the moment I'm talking about?

When you had your back arched and you-ohhh-let out-

Sonny, I really don't want a blow by blow

Description of our lovemaking.

Takes everything out of it.

Yeah. Of course it does.

Maybe you reached a climax and didn't know it.

Now, that's possible.

No, it's not.

Did you at least like it?

Well, of course I liked it, sonny.

I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it.

Yeah, that's the difference between you and me.

I've done it with people I didn't like.

I've done it with people that nobody liked.

Ohhhh!

The least you could do for a dying man is come.

Oh, sonny!

You don't let go. You won't release.

You've told me that yourself.

Oh, please, sonny. What can I do?

What any decent woman would do.

Lie to me!

For goodness sakes, I can't lie to you.

That's why you love me.

That's the problem!

That's always been the problem!

I love you more than you love me!

That's why you won't move in with me!

That's why you won't come

Or clean up this kitchen!

Sonny, why are you doing this to me?

Why are you saying these things

To make me so unhappy?

Because I'm unhappy!

Seeing you is like...

Being alone!

Psss!

Why do you keep coming here?

I say exactly how I feel!

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Why do you come here?

I gotta get out of here.

Where are you going?

I got to see julie before...

Before what?

Before she finds out what happened.

I thought you hadn't decided

If you would tell julie or not.

Look, I want to talk to my daughter!

Ok, all right. Don't get mad.

I just don't want you to do anything crazy.

Like what?

I don't know.

I just don't want you to hurt yourself.

Oh, don't be silly.

What are you talking about?

Where's that gun I gave you?

Sonny!

I'm just kidding.

You're not funny!

Yes, I am.

Honey, I got to change.

Julie doesn't like me in ladies' clothes.

Sonny, I...

I hate to let you go.

Why?

Am I gonna see you back here tonight?

Of course.

Sonny...

You promise you won't do anything?

Mary ellen...

If I planned to kill myself,

Don't you think I would tell you about it,

So you would be riddled with guilt and remorse?

That's true.

Sleeping pills?

What do you need sleeping pills for?

Go on a good diet.

Give up sugar and caffeine.

Don't lecture me!

Don't lecture me from classes that I paid for!

I was trying to help.

You always relate everything to money.

A lesson I learned from your lawyer.

Get out!

I'm sorry.

I don't want to fight.

What?

I don't want to fight with you!

You don't?

No!

What's the matter, wendell?

I don't feel good.

Try this, you'll feel better.

If you really can't sleep,

Why don't you borrow some pills from your folks?

They're hypochondriacs.

My folks are not hypochondriacs!

You always call them hypochondriacs!

They might have some downers though.

Why are you here?

To discuss something with julie.

It's very important.

Maybe I'll tell you.

Will it depress me?

God, I hope so.

Would you save it till tomorrow?

Julie woke up at 5:30 this morning

Screaming that the shark was after her again.

I will never forgive you for taking her to that movie.

You know she's afraid of the water.

I'm sorry. She said she wanted to see it.

I was making her happy.

She wanted to look brave to you.

You're so dumb.

Don't say that! I support you!

The maid is napping.

I support her!

If you wake maria-

We fired maria!

It's another maria!

Oh.

Julie's screaming woke her up, too.

So maria started screaming

Because she thought it was the border patrol.

Solamente cinco pesos.

Con cinco pesos, compra usted

El bucket grande de kentucky fried chicken.

Y una botella de coca-cola.

Jessie, you want to hear about heartache?

You want to hear about heartbreak?

You growing a beard?

Yes, for 3 months.

Why?

Because some mornings

I don't have the strength to shave.

You should go to a barber.

You don't care about me at all.

Not since you walked out that door.

You threw me out the door!

With 2 hookers!

One little mistake!

I've paid for it for 6 years.

Out of respect for you,

The three of us

Never laid down on our bed.

That's my date. Please get out.

No.

Aaahh!

Why don't you drop dead?

I'm working on it.

Buenos tardes.

Tu es hermosa.

Oh, grazie.

Te es divinal.

Ah, merci.

Oh, merci.

Una momento.

�si?

No prestes au atencion a ese schmuck.

Now, you be civil or I'll kill you.

I don't know how to tell you this, but...

I'm a dying man.

Senor,

Yo no hablo ingles.

Son of a gun. That's too bad.

Ok, vamanos.

I need to talk to you.

Let go.

We need to talk.

Por favor,

Esperas en el auto.

Ok?

S'il vous plait?

Yeah. Ok.

And fuck the panama canal!

Let go.

Are you going to taco bell

For a cock fight?

You are a racist ass.

We're going to a french restaurant.

After that, we're attending a seminar.

Oh, boring, boring!

Maybe to you, sonny,

But I'm trying to make my life better.

It may not work, but I'm trying.

Where did you meet this beaner?

Beaner?

I met this beaner in the english class I teach.

How nice. Teacher takes out the student.

A little tea and sympathy-

You're also a sexist ass, too!

You look 10 years older than him!

You look like his chaperone!

How dare you say that? You're going with a girl

Who probably still wears a retainer!

Listen to me! I got to talk to you!

If you don't get out of my way,

I'll give you a karate chop.

You wouldn't dare!

You don't think so?

Ok, sonny,

Pull yourself together now.

Here we go.

Are you going to go?

Huh?

Of course not.

Last time you got up, your chair was on fire.

Don't yell!

I'm not deaf!

Oh, hello, dear.

Hi, mom.

Shave that thing off.

I'm working on it. I bought you some candy.

Thank you.

Hiya, pop.

Hiya, pop!

Who is it?

It's your only son.

You never forget the holy water.

You hungry?

I'm almost out of milk.

How's the art world?

What?

How's the art world?

Boring, boring!

What the hell else can you do past 70?

Sit and watch your hands turn brown?

I hope you can stay.

We never talk.

I can't stay long.

Listen, I haven't slept well lately.

I need some sleeping pills.

Sleeping pills?

We don't have sleeping pills.

You know damn well we got enough sleeping pills

To put the mormon tabernacle choir in a coma.

Help yourself, son.

Thank you, pop.

Take what you need, but be careful.

Don't take too many.

Oh, god!

A 9.

Try those blue ones!

They'll really put you in la-la land.

Wowee!

I should never have married

An irishman who drinks.

Try finding one who doesn't!

My god!

No wonder they put up with each other.

I don't like this guy's colors.

They're all the same.

All day, I've been painting 11, 11, 11.

I'm sorry, ben.

The store was out of sad clowns.

The blue ones...

They'll really put you in la-la land.

Took place in south america

In the rich wildlife area along the kanani river,

Creating a vast man-made lake

That flooded the wildlife range.

Pedro cabal found this kinkajou

Swimming over flooded treetops that were once its home.

Our orphaned baby otters would have starved

If we hadn't found them near their den.

I'll see you two later.

Good-bye, pop.

Bye-bye, my boy.

Good-bye, dear.

Sure you're not hungry?

The meatloaf is great.

I'll have to heat it up.

Think you can handle it, maureen?

I didn't mean that.

That's all right. I'm...I'm not hungry.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

With the ocelot safely back at our camp compound,

We patrol the lake once more,

Searching for signs of life.

We had set up our base camp on an island

That gave us a good view over much of the lake.

I'm not paying all kinds of money

For my daughter to learn smut.

You're certainly not.

Her bill hasn't been paid in months.

Nice outfit for a striptease.

It's from a stage show.

I saw it in the navy.

Wear a coat over that. Isn't it cold?

It's 100 degrees out!

I'd like to take off this dumb hat.

What's the matter? It's cute.

Why did we have to put "daddy's girl" on it?

Makes me sound like a race horse.

I'm not having my daughter wear a hat

That says "bitch" on it.

Dad, why'd you bring me here? I hate miniature golf.

You loved it last time.

That was 6 years ago.

The game hasn't changed that much.

Castles are bigger.

I've changed.

I know you've changed.

That's why I want to talk to you.

Sit down.

Julie, I want to talk to you about sex.

If it's about sex, I know plenty.

Oh, you do? Like what?

I'm at the top of my sex education class.

I just got an "a" on my paper on menstruation.

How nice!

How can I put this delicately

So you won't be suspicious

Of the opposite sex for the rest of your life?

You see,

All boys, and all men...

Are rotten filthy beasts who just want to get you

In the sack and then dump on you.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Dad, why are you telling me this?

I'm going away for a while.

Maybe for a long while.

Julie...

But I'm coming back.

I am coming back.

God damn it, why are you wearing that?

Why can't you wear a coat over it?

It's obscene!

Take me home.

I'm sorry we had a fight.

Me, too.

Tell you what...

Let's not be mad at each other.

Ever again.

About today or anything in the future.

What do you mean?

Well, in this old world,

Sometimes things happen we don't understand.

You know?

But years later when we think about them,

They make sense.

I don't understand what you're trying to say.

That's good.

Good-bye.

Dad. Yeah?

Is this a business trip?

Yeah, it's a business trip.

Are you taking mary ellen with you?

No.

Then who the hell's gonna take care of you?

Don't cuss!

Wish I could go.

Damn it, don't say that.

Why?

Dad, what's wrong?

Where are you going?

Bakersfield.

You sound funny.

Like you're going someplace awful.

You ever been to bakersfield?

I know you haven't felt well lately.

You're going to the hospital, aren't you?

No! I'm not going to the hospital.

I'm not going in the hospital.

Swear to god?

I swear to god.

Cross your heart?

Cross my heart.

Hope to die?

I hope to die.

I'm glad.

I'll miss you, julie.

I'll miss you more than anybody.

You'll see me when you get back.

Yeah.

I love you.

You better go.

Bye-bye.

I love you.

"wendell sonny lawson..."

"love from mother."

God, what an ass I had.

You know, if I had been 4 seconds faster

In the 100-yard dash,

I would have been all-american.

Memories.

Is this the coward's way out?

Of course. That's why I picked it.

Come on.

Get on with it.

That's a pretty one.

God, sour-shit! Pah! Shit! Ca-ca!

God damn, they're right!

You can't take just one.

"lonely?

"depressed?

Contemplating suicide?"

Ha ha ha!

"don't do it.

Dial 555-h-e-l-p."

Why not?

5-5-5...

H-e-l-p.

Hello.

Hello. Help-

Thank you for calling help.

Ma'am, listen,

I'm doing a terrible thing-

To discuss problems with you-

I'm taking booze and downers-

All the lines are busy-

It's very dangerous-

This is a recording.

Ma'am?

Hello?

Twat!

I'm going to do it.

God, what a mess!

Look at all that color.

It looks like walt disney threw up.

No.

I never even had my own dog.

It ain't working yet.

Nothing's happening.

Ha ha ha!

A note.

Oh, my god,

I forgot the note.

Who do I write the note to?

Jessie.

Uh...

No, if I write it to jessie,

Mary ellen will be hurt.

If I write it to mary ellen,

Jessie will be hurt.

No matter who I write it to,

My mother will be hurt.

I could write it to my father,

But he probably wouldn't read it.

Who do I know...

Who do I know that's mature enough

To handle the suicide note?

"dear..."

"julie..."

I'm so sorry.

"daddy is so..."

"so sorry."

God damn son of a bitch.

Hi.

It's very interesting the way you woke up cursing.

A large percentage of attempted suicides

Wake up with exclamations of hostility.

Where am I?

92% ask that.

You're in la playa.

The nut house?

That's a cruel label.

We prefer booby hatch.

You a doctor?

Oh, no.

Me? No.

I'm a patient.

Marlon joseph borunki, paranoid schizophrenic.

Deep feelings of inferiority

Alternating with delusions of grandeur.

Hi.

Sonny lawson. Real estate.

Didn't you used to be on television

Selling land somewhere?

I used to watch you. Lake crest estates, right?

You didn't buy a lot? I swear there was a lake!

I don't buy land from television.

I'm crazy, but I'm not that crazy.

A real tv star!

How'd I get here?

I can't get over it!

Sonny lawson...What?

How'd I get here?

They transferred you from the hospital.

You tried to kill yourself.

Unsuccessfully, needless to add.

Aw, shit!

Why did you say it, dummy?

I'm writing a book on insanity.

You should write about something you know.

I'm calling it,

Fruitcakes I have known.

There's 2 whole chapters on suicide.

Did you know that 50% of all...

F-f-female suicides have bleached hair

And a hysterectomy scar?

Are you blue? Depressed?

Yeah.

Oh.

I thought I'd wake up dead!

They had no right to stop me like that!

Technically, they did.

It's against the law to kill yourself.

You're kidding?

Are you kidding?

Suicide's a serious thing.

I've never lied to you, have I?

No.

See?

Suicide is legislated against in most states.

It's all in the appendix of my book.

Dumb law.

I agree with you. It's very presumptuous

To tell a person how they can die

Or even how they can live.

A dumb law!

It's a dumb law!

Sane people make crazy rules.

Do you like me?

Sure.

I don't know you very well.

Are you kidding? I'm very superficial.

You said it.

I know! Leave me alone!

Are you rooming here with me?

Me?

No.

No.

Actually, I'm in the south wing.

Ta-da!

The south wing.

With the dangerous ones.

You're dangerous?

No.

Yes!

No.

Don't listen to him.

Actually, my father thought I was very dangerous.

Your father?

Did he put you here?

No. Kind of.

I strangled him.

You mean...

Like that?

No. More like that.

He was right about me being dangerous.

Doctors have different theories about why I did it.

Mother complex, father complex.

Feelings of inferiority, suppressed rage.

But I and I alone know the reason that I did it.

It was because...

He was so polish.

Polish?

When I was a kid, I was tormented with polish jokes.

Oh, you know.

Who was poland's man of the year?

Nobody.

How do you sing the polish national anthem?

You don't sing it, you fart it.

How do you tell a polack's identification?

By the shit in his wallet.

Kids can be very cruel.

What kids? My father told me those.

He was always teasing me.

He was a big, loud, hairy, sweaty polack!

He was covered with sweat. Always.

Only man I know who could sweat while he was swimming.

And I could never have friends over

Because he challenged them

To a nose-picking contest...

And he always won!

Got a minute?

Sure.

Then I finally brought home my...

G...G...

Girl.

...Before I took her out to dinner.

I knew I shouldn't have done it.

He was sitting in his favorite sweaty undershirt,

Drinking beer,

Eating chili with his fingers,

And watching celebrity bowling.

At first, he was nice, we were talking nice,

And then he was so stupid!

He said how he thought moby dick

Was a venereal disease.

I told him in a nice way

What a stupid idiot he was.

Then he told her that he thought

She was wasting her time

With a loser like me.

So I put my hands around his 22-inch neck

And I strangled him!

We never went to dinner

Because I strangled him.

You say it like you're proud!

Well, you didn't have the courage to do it.

Stop it!

No!

I feel sick. I feel sick.

When I was a little kid, my mother left us.

Just left us. I was a baby.

She said, "bye! Bye!"

I have always respected her for that.

Think this county will ever switch to the metric system?

I got to pee.

100% of all new arrivals have to pee.

Don't get up. Ta-da!

I can't use that.

Want a bigger one?

No.

I'll get the nurse.

No! I can't pee with a nurse around.

9!

I can't pee with the door open.

You know, you got a lot of rules about peeing.

Yeah, I know.

Finished?

Yeah.

Mr. Lawson!

That's all right,

Having so many rules about peeing.

Thank you.

You're welcome. He pees a lot.

Damn it, there's nothing in there!

Nothing in there to stick or shove or cut!

No way you could kill yourself in there!

They're very thorough.

That's so stupid!

There's no razors.

New shatterproof glass. There's no mirrors.

No mirror?

There's no mirror in here!

There's no place you could look at yourself!

You can't look at yourself!

I'm so sorry.

I wish you could hurt yourself.

What are you doing?

You're, uh...

You're a fighter.

You're cold?

You're hitting me.

You're trying to suffocate!

No, don't do that! Know what happens?

You pass out, breathe, and get a headache.

It doesn't work.

See?

No, it doesn't work.

Shoot!

You got a headache, right?

I got a headache.

Told you. Look, an electric bed.

Stick your head in there

And crack it like a walnut. See?

Oh!

You're not so crazy.

Tut, tut, tut, marlon.

Tut, tut, tut, marlon.

You've been making your own visiting hours again.

Get away from me with that thing!

Come with me, mr. Lawson.

Just think of it as a polish dinner jacket.

No...No, no!

Don't say polish to him. He's very sensitive. Aah!

I got you!

Don't hurt me.

Get away, you little dwarf!

I usually escape

Every Wednesday and Friday, mr. Lawson.

Sonny.

Sonny! He's my friend!

Just a minute.

He's my friend. Wait a minute!

He's my friend!

Wait! Wait!

Home, james.

Oh, doctor, sonny will try again.

He likes to get his way.

Set your mind at ease, mrs. Lawson,

These rooms were designed

To house attempted suicides.

The windows are barred.

There are no cords or sharp objects in the room.

There's constant surveillance.

There's no way he could hurt himself in here.

I see. Oh!

Oh, shit!

Oh, my god!

Aaahhh!

Gentlemen, out with the old dangerous beds,

In with the new safe beds!

Out with the old dangerous beds!

Sonny, listen. I know you're suffering from depression

As much as your illness.

Now, when your depression goes away-

Of course I'm depressed.

I'm gonna shrivel up and turn yellow.

Think the idea of looking like an old jap

Makes me cheerful?

Just calm down, ok? It's all right.

I don't want to calm down.

I don't want to calm down!

God knows I've only got a couple more days to live.

That's bullshit, too, sonny.

Your doctor said you're not going to die right away.

Sonny, why do you have to rush everything?

I don't want to rush everything.

The courts may decide very soon

That I'm not rational enough to make decisions,

And they'll assign some turkey like you

To make them for me.

I don't deserve that, sonny.

I'm sorry.

That's ok.

Sorry.

Ah, it's ok.

I don't deserve to die, either.

No.

I need to talk to you alone, jessie.

Sonny, I don't think so.

Please, jessie, please. Please.

Uh, that's ok, that's ok.

Look, sonny, I'll, uh...

I'll...I'll wait down here.

Listen, I'm your friend.

I love you.

I'll do anything for you.

I'll be your slave,

I'll get you girls.

Oh, I'm sorry, jessie. It's just-

It's ok.

I just can't sign that release.

It's ok, marty.

Just, uh...

Just wait down at the end of the hall.

And I love you, marty.

Down here?

Please. Hmm?

Will you go in the room with me, jess?

All right.

Oh, hi. How's it going?

Good to see you, too.

Hi, hi. How's it going?

Get me out of here! I'm going wacko!

Honey, I understand what you're going-

You won't understand until you've been pronounced dead!

I'm trying to understand.

You're doing a lousy job.

Sonny, I don't want to see you kill yourself.

It would be a burden

I would carry for the rest of my life.

Don't you understand? If I let you take your life,

It would make my life meaningless.

Tell me you understand that.

Jessie.

What?

You're a selfish bitch.

Jessie, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're just a wife, not a selfish bitch.

You are a sexist ass, right to the last!

I know, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to be nice.

Just trying to be nice, that's all.

Sonny, sonny. Ha ha.

Forget it.

We've forgotten how to be nice to each other.

But we should try harder, jessie.

We should try to be nice to each other.

Let's try to be nice to each other, ok?

Sign me out of here.

Oh, sonny. Come on!

I've had enough of this.

Ok, maybe I can't imagine how you feel,

But can you imagine how I feel?

No.

Sonny, suppose I wanted to kill myself.

Would you let me?

You mean if you were going to die?

Yeah!

Of course I would.

You really would?

Well, if you were in a lot of pain.

Aw, sonny.

No.

No, I wouldn't!

I wouldn't, jessie, I wouldn't.

Oh, sonny.

Oh, jessie.

People tend to coddle or cover up things

When someone they love is ill.

Makes them feel better.

Screw 'em. Screw 'em.

One of the worst aspects of dying

Is that you're so alone.

Oh, god, you're so alone.

So alone.

People are unable or afraid

To share your grief.

They'll never be able to imagine how alone you are.

I don't have to imagine it.

I'm dying, too.

You're dying, too?

Yep. The doctors tell me I can go any time.

Just like that.

Of course, they told me that about 2 years ago.

You seem so alive.

Strange, isn't it?

I'm not always this robust.

Right now, I seem to be in a period of total remission.

Even played tennis today.

Did you win?

No, I played shitty.

But then I also played shitty when I was well.

What the-what's wrong with you?

Heart trouble.

Lots and lots of heart trouble.

I'm not taking your, uh, therapy group.

Some people in my therapy group

Are really close to kicking the bucket.

You're gonna love 'em.

I'm committing suicide, remember?

You're sure having a hard time doing it.

That's because nobody will leave me alone.

Either that or you really don't want to.

I want to do it.

I want to commit suicide.

I'm in love with the idea

Of killing myself.

When I think about it, I get a hard-on.

I'm sure there's a part of you

That thinks of it as a romantic notion.

But there's another part of you that feels guilty

For taking your own life.

That's psychological bullshit.

I don't feel guilty about anything.

Then why did your suicide letter to your daughter

Begin with an apology?

"dear julie, daddy is so sorry

For what he's about to do-"

Give me that, you son of a bitch!

How could you? Damn it!

Aw, shit!

Feel better?

No!

You don't play fair!

The stakes are high- life and death.

Want to punch the scale?

Yeah!

No!

Yeah!

Shit!

I mean they... They shoot horses

When they're miserable, don't they?

Ow!

You see, I'm terrified of pain.

Pain hurts me.

Sonny, what makes you so convinced

Your death is going to be painful?

Have you ever actually seen someone die?

Haircuts hurt me.

People should die at home.

Well, that would be kind of difficult with me.

I mean, hustling from my house

To my ex-wife's house

To my girlfriend's house.

Hell, I'd be dying in a taxicab.

Are your parents alive, sonny?

No.

Yeah!

They're alive.

I guess that's called a freudian slip.

Either that... Or a boo-boo.

Ha ha ha.

Why don't you come to one death therapy session?

Just talking to people like yourself

Can make death less scary.

Maybe even meaningful.

I don't think so, doc.

Ok. I'll let you out of here.

But I want you to at least read a pamphlet, ok?

Ok.

you are my sunshine...

Oh, oh!

Boy, I tell you something.

You're the happiest son of a bitch

I've ever seen.

You're jumping up and down and whistling like that.

I'm gonna die, you're gonna die,

And you're jumping up and down whistling.

I'm with you!

Really?

It's a good decision.

You're a great salesman- don't back out on me.

I'm not going anywhere.

What did you do to him?

I liked him.

Sonny!

Hiya, sonny!

Hi, marlon.

How did you escape?

Oh, yeah. I escaped!

How'd you do it?

I forgot.

I forget things when I do them.

You're lucky.

About what?

Forgetting.

I know.

There's a lot of crazy people around here.

Did you hear about the bed?

I heard what happened.

It hurt my head.

You shouldn't listen to me.

Out of the mouths of polacks oft times comes ca-ca.

Don't put yourself down for being polish.

One of my favorite people is polish.

Yeah, who? You.

Ohh. Ha ha ha ha.

But it did hurt.

Good.

Not good. I don't like pain.

I want to die without hurting myself.

You got a lot of rules about dying, too.

I always thought jumping out a window

Would be completely painless...

Until you landed.

Then it would be very painful.

You couldn't change your mind once you started.

No. Geronimo!

All the windows here got bars on them.

Except the tower.

Tower?

Where's the tower?

Here it is! The tower.

I love high places.

I'm not crazy about them.

It's got a ledge, huh?

Just like in the movies.

It'll give you some place to stand on,

And I can cheer you on.

Ok, sonny...Jump!

Don't be so anxious!

I'm sorry. I thought that's what you wanted.

I am, but...

It doesn't seem high enough.

Sure it's high enough.

You sure?

Only one way to find out.

Will you stop? I'm gonna do it.

I've got to work up to it gradually.

You'll never get hurt if you crawl down.

I'm the one that's doing it.

Ok. You're very brave.

I am brave.

I gotcha.

Let me look before I go.

It ain't high enough!

Sure, it's high.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

It ain't high enough.

If I land on my feet,

I'll have broken ankles

And a toxic blood disease.

Wait a minute!

Ahhhhh!

I got an idea.

I'll drop you on your head.

No, you'll be a murderer.

Oh, my god, a murderer!

What are you talking about? I'm already a murderer.

That's right. You are a murderer.

Are you sure you want that kind of responsibility?

Did you mean it when you said you liked me?

I like you!

Then I want to help my friend.

Pull me in!

Then can I drop you? Yes!

That's good.

This is going to be good.

Now, let me get your feet.

Easy does it. Don't worry.

Do this slow.

I understand.

Let's not rush into this.

I'll let you go whenever you tell me.

Point your head down.

Wait, I got to get ready.

Ok.

Ok!

All right.

Let me know when you're down.

Oh, my god!

No!

Shall I let you go?

No!

Wait a minute.

Why?

Because it ain't high enough!

Good for me.

It isn't high enough!

Pull me back.

Pull me back up!

I don't think so.

God damn it, pull me back!

Ok! Ok!

Why did you pull me back?

You said-

I don't have enough courage or guts.

That's why you're here. I can't do it alone.

If you hadn't pulled me back,

I'd be dead now!

I'm a failure!

You said it!

Shut up!

I got an idea.

Please tell me.

I'll sit here.

You get running like a bull.

I'll have my back to you.

You push me, I'll go.

What a good idea. Thanks so much.

It's been a pleasure knowing you.

You're my best friend. Sorry.

Yeah.

I'm ready when you are, sonny.

Wait.

Bless me, father... Come on.

On second thought.

Ahhhh!

You're right, sonny!

It's not high enough!

They mate for life, you know.

You're kidding.

I wish I was dead.

You would be, too, if it wasn't for my dumb ideas.

Don't put yourself down.

You're right!

Why waste time talking about a piece of shit like me?

Ooh, I almost forgot.

I got you something.

A present for you.

That's very nice. You didn't need to do that.

Oh, I hope you like it.

Very sweet.

You like the color?

Yeah.

Hanging.

Yeah.

And the beauty part is you don't have to do anything.

You just have to stand there. I'll do the rest.

I wonder if it hurts.

You see, hanging is very simple.

It's clean, neat, and economical.

You don't spend any money with a rope.

It's just the cost of the rope.

That's why these things become traditional.

I wonder if it hurts.

marlon. Marlon. Shouldn't we have a horse?

Wait a minute. It's very simple.

All right. What?

I just step out from under you,

And you'll be hung.

Don't you understand?

yes. Uh...

What?

do it very slowly.

Yeah. You want a horse?

I said...Yes!

A horse? A horse, a polack, what's the difference?

It's the same thing.

You want a horse? You got a horse.

Just a minute.

You'll be hung in a moment.

Ok. Here you go. Ok!

Say good-bye to marlon! So long!

How are you feeling? Is that ok?

It hurts.

What?

It really hurts.

You're resisting again.

You know that?

You sound just like donald duck.

Wait, you're hurting my neck.

I...Ooh...Oh!

Ow!

Owwww!

Wait a minute!

Don't ever do that to me again!

I was almost dead!

One more minute,

I would've been dead!

Let go of me, you fool!

Don't ever stop like that!

When you got me like that,

Don't ever stop.

Do you understand?

Yes, I understand.

I don't think you understand.

I don't think you...

Understand at all.

I'll have to do this thing myself.

Marlon.

What is it, sonny?

Good-bye, marlon.

What? Good-bye!

No, wait a minute!

Wait for me!

I'm a failure!

You certainly are.

But not for long.

That man's nuts.

Grab him!

Aahhh!

Sonny, wait for me!

Come back here!

I certainly hope my father likes it here.

I'm sure he will.

He seems like a very nice man.

Keep your hands off of me, stubby!

It sure seems nice here.

Are there many, uh, uh, cra-

No, no, no.

I would say merely mildly irrational.

I got one! I got one!

mr. Petersen has one.

His expression.

Yeh-hoo-hoo!

Aah!

Ohh!

Aah!

Whoa!

Holy shit!

Hi!

Oh, no! Go away!

Get off, off,

Off, off, off.

Get off! I can't see!

It's a challenge.

Someone wants to play chicken.

Pull over!

Guts is part of learning to drive.

Get out of the way!

You turkey!

Ooh, my goodness.

Aah!

Ahhh!

It's a ramp!

Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

That was terrific!

Do it again!

Bye, marlon.

Ooh, sonny!

Aah! Aah!

What's happening?

The polish assassin has just escaped from that insane asylum.

He's very dangerous. He's a killer.

What'd he look like?

He's wearing white pants, white shirt.

Round face, bald.

Ohh.

Free! The polish prince is free!

Sweetheart,

Can I get you something?

You got any water?

Some water, um...

Oh, a 10.

Mary ellen,

If you're going to make glasses out of jelly jars,

Can you at least take the jelly out first?

Never mind.

Sonny, you should be in a hospital,

Shouldn't you?

I'm not going to hospitals anymore.

I'm not going anywhere

Where they have any control

Over your life... Or your death.

What are you looking for?

My clothes.

Where are they?

Here are your clothes. I ironed 'em.

It's not my clothes I'm looking for,

And you know it.

I hid it.

You're never gonna find it.

You're not even warm.

Aha!

Exactly where I thought it would be.

Hidden under the cat crap.

I'm gonna call the police.

Don't touch that phone.

I'll shoot...

Myself.

That's right, baby.

Put down that phone

Or I'll splatter my brains all over these walls.

Of course, on these walls, who would notice?

Sonny, you drive me crazy!

You put a gun to your head-

Mary ellen, will you stop?

You put that thing to your head.

Come on, help me off with my pants.

You drive me crazy.

Help me off with my pants!

Sonny. Yes.

I feel that maybe

If I'd done something different.

I don't know.

If I'd have loved you a little bit more...

Maybe you wouldn't be dying.

Maybe it's all my fault.

Maybe I caused it.

Oh, don't be silly, mary ellen.

You can't give somebody a blood disease.

That's a gift from god.

If I could've just...

Loved you a little bit more.

Something.

No, I don't think you could have done anything, mary ellen.

Well, maybe if you'd just come one time.

No, actually, you did everything you could.

I'm sorry.

No, you did everything you could.

I didn't!

You did, you did.

No, I didn't.

I got more out of the relationship than you did.

With all my bitching and moaning,

I got more out of the relationship.

Because I loved you, I loved you completely,

And you never did really love me completely,

And-and I was always fascinated by that.

You know what I mean?

No.

Well, it's like me.

I mean, if you think about it,

I think that's why I just kept, you know,

Hanging on and hanging on.

Doesn't that sound like me?

Yeah, it does sound like you.

I'll tell you something else, mary ellen...

With all this shit...

All this shit...

You always turned me on.

Always.

That's something, isn't it?

Yeah.

Well, doesn't that make you kind of...

Understand a little bit better

What I want to do? I mean...

Suicide.

I think I'm starting to understand.

I do.

Maybe it means I'm growing up.

I guess I've just been selfish,

Wanting to keep you around

A little bit longer.

But hell,

Sonny, do what you have to do.

You mean I can do it?

I can kill myself?

Aw...

Oh, baby.

But if you really love me...

Oh, sonny,

God, you drive me crazy!

You're always picking on me!

I can't do anything right!

I got to go, baby.

I can't let you go.

I got to go off somewhere and swallow lead.

I have to tell you something first.

What, that you screwed some guy?

I don't care about that now. I got a date with a.38.

Who was it? That guy on the honda?

Oh, my god! Don't tell me that!

No, it's nothing like that.

I have to tell you... The gun isn't loaded.

What?

I took all the bullets out of it

When you gave it to me.

I thought somebody would hurt themselves.

That was a stupid thing to do.

You know I know how to handle a gun.

Ohh!

Whoo ha ha ha! Ha!

Sshhh!

Well, I thought I unloaded it.

God damn! Everything you do is half-assed.

Ohh, sonny, you get out of my house!

Just get out of my house!

I'm glad I didn't kill myself here.

It'd take 6 months to find the body.

He missed.

Chickenshit.

Sonny, where you going?

Wait!

Aah!

You dirty rat!

Ohh! He's scared!

You! I hope your nuts rust!

and now

the end is near

and so I face

the final curtain

my friend

I'll say it clear

I'll state my case

of which I'm certain

I've lived

a life that's full

I traveled each

and every highway

and more

much more than this

I did it

my

way

for what is a man?

what has he got?

if not himself

then he has naught

to say the things

he truly feels

and not the words

of one who kneels

the record shows

I took the blows

and did it

my

way!

Here I come, lord.

Why'd daddy do it?

Julie. Shh. Daddy's gone now.

But he promised he was coming back.

You promised, dad.

I hate you for this! I hate you!

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

I want to live!

I want to live!

I can never make it.

Help me, lord.

Please.

I promise not to try and kill myself anymore.

Save me, and I swear I'll be a better father.

I'll be a better man.

I'll be a better everything!

All I ask is,

Make me a better swimmer!

Oh, god!

I can't do this to julie.

We can't do this to julie.

Oh, god, let me live,

And I promise to obey

Every one of the 10 commandments.

I shalt not kill.

I shalt not commit adultery.

I shalt not...

I...I...

I'll learn the 10 commandments!

And then I'll obey every fuckin' one of them!

Just get me back to the beach!

I'll be honest in business!

I promise not to sell lakeside lots

Unless there's a lake around!

I want to see another sunrise.

I want to see another sunset.

It was a mistake, god!

I never really wanted to kill myself.

I just wanted to get your attention!

Help me make it.

I'll give you 50% of everything I make.

50%, god!

I want to point out that nobody gives 50%!

I'm talking gross, god!

I think I'm going to make it!

You won't regret this, lord.

I'll obey every commandment.

I'll see my parents more often.

No more cheating in business-

Once I get rid of those 9 acres in the desert.

And I'm gonna start donating that 10% right away!

I know I said 50%, lord,

But 10% to start.

If you don't want your 10%,

Then don't take it!

I know it was you that saved me,

But it was also you that made me sick!

No! Oh, no!

God damn!

No!

Don't shoot me!

Please, I don't want to die!

Aaahhh!

Oh, no!

Oh, god!

You missed him, putz!

Will you stop it?!

Hold still!

God damn you, marlon! Don't shoot me!

It's empty.

You

Silly

Son of a bitch!

What's the matter?

You could have killed me!

I know!

You could have shot me!

Yes!

You

Fat,

Round

Polack!

Oh, sonny, you're so mean!

You son of a gun! You're so-you fink!

I'm trying to help you

And you yell at me foul names!

Up yours!

I'm not mad anymore.

I had a flat tire.

Gee, it was hard to find you.

Did you have a nice swim?

You know what? I missed you.

And I'm so sorry-

Aaaahhhhh!

Wait! Sonny, wait!

I don't want to die!

Do you understand me?

You've got to stop trying to kill me!

Do you understand me?

I understand.

I don't think you do.

I do.

The doctor was right about me.

That's why I couldn't do it.

'cause I really don't want to die!

But what about your fears and your pain?

I promised to help you end all that.

Will you forget about that?!

I don't think it's in your best interest.

I don't care what you think!

You don't like me anymore.

I like you, marlon.

I like you. I really do.

You do?

I do.

But you got to understand.

Tell me you understand.

I understand.

I love you, sonny.

I really do.

I love you, too, marlon.

I love you, sonny.

I love you, too, marlon.

Surprise!

Ah ha ha ha ha!

God!

Make me a better runner!

Wait for my knife!

God, god! 50%, god!

Remember what I said? 50%!

I'll give you 80, god. I'll give you 80%!

Gross! 80% gross!

here's another fine mess

I'm into, honey

they won't cut me loose

not for love nor money

I'm a fighter, but they've got me on the floor

don't believe I'm gonna take this anymore

here's another fine mess

I've stumbled into

as sorry a state

as I've ever been to

though it's difficult for some to understand

I'm gonna knuckle down and take it like a man

wave good-bye

don't try to talk

what's there to say?

the words are unimportant

it's the feelings we remember anyway

wave good-bye

don't make a scene

just let it go

don't smother love and glory

put an ending on our story

we're riding to that final round-up

this is where the old trail wound up

here's another fine mess

and not my choosin'

we loved for a while

you can't call that losin'

if I knew our love was gonna end this way

I'd live it over and I wouldn't change a day

here's another fine mess