All language subtitles for Rick and Morty - 1x04 - M. Night Shaym-Aliens!.HDTV.KILLERS.en
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Rick: t-t-t-this is just
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Sloppy craftsmanship.
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Morty: hey, Rick.
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Boy, sure is really especially
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Beautiful out there today, huh?
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Rick: oh, yes, Morty.
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I-it's almost unbelievable,
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Isn't it?
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Morty: yeah, you know?
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There's something about the air
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And just the way the sunshine
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Is.
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Rick: uh, sure, buddy. Yeah.
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Sure. B-brilliant.
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Very convincing.
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Rick: wha convincing?
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Morty: oh. Responsive, too.
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In real time. I love it.
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Morty: uhh...okay.
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Beth: [ robotic ] i'm going
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To work.
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Morty, good morning.
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Dad, good morning.
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I am going to work. Goodbye.
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Morty: what's with mom?
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Rick: oh, what's with mom?
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So, you're saying that she's
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Acting weird?
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How soph[burps]isticated.
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Careful, guys.
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You're gonna burn out the cpu
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With this one.
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Morty: okay, you know what,
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Rick?
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You'reacting weird, too.
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Rick: whatever,
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Quote-unquote "Morty."
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Morty: all right, well...
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I'll see you after school.
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Ow! Oof! Ugh!
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Damn it!
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I'm all right. I'm okay.
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Rick: [ slurps ]
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All right, who can tell me
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What 5 x 9 is?
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[ students whispering ]
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Morty?
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Morty: uh, me?
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What is 5 x 9?
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Morty: umm...you know, it's
51
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Uhh...at least 40.
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[ students gasp ]
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Morty, that's exactly
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Correct!
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5 x 9 isat least 40!
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Come up here.
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Whoo! Way to go, Morty!
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Everybody, this is the best
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Student.
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I want youto be the teacher
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Today.
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Teach us, Morty!
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Rick: interesting.
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Morty: w-w-w-what do you want
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Me to teach you?
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Ooh, ooh!
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How do you make concentrated
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Dark matter?
69
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Oh, that's a good question.
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Morty: concentrated huh?
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Concentrated dark matter
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The fuel for accelerated space
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Travel.
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Now, do you know how to make it?
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Morty: umm...
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Come on, Morty.
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Isn't your grandpa, like, a
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Scientist?
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Morty: oh, yeah, but, you
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Know, he told me that i
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Shouldn't go around spouting off
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About, you know, his science and
83
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Stuff.
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I bet you've seen him make
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Concentrated dark matter a lot.
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You know, if you tell us, i'll
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Be your girlfriend.
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Morty: uh, y-you will?
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Seems like a rare
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Opportunity, Morty.
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[ blam! ]
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Rick: Morty, u-uh, come on.
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There's a family emergency.
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Stop right there!
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If he leaves, i'm giving him an
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"f."
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Rick: he doesn't care.
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Morty: aw, man!
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Rick, i have to go back!
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I think i was about to get
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Married!
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Ugh!
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Rick: take a shower with me,
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Morty.
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Morty: what?!
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Rick: listen to me, Morty.
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Get your clothes off and get in
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The shower right now.
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Y-y-y-you got to trust me,
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Morty.
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Morty: ugh!
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I'm gonna get an "f" in class,
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Rick.
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Rick: Morty, that's not
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Class.
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T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher.
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This isn't your school.
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This entire world is not the
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World.
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We're inside a huge simulation
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Chamber on an alien spaceship.
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Morty: wait a minute.
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W-what are you talking about?
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Rick: it's all fake [burps]
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Morty all of it.
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Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of
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Crazy fake nonsense, Morty.
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I couldn't say so until we got
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In the shower.
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They won't monitor us in here.
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Morty: monitor us?! W-who?!
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Rick: zigerion scammers,
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Morty the galaxy's most
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Ambitious, least successful con
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Artists.
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You know, it's lucky for us
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They're also really
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Uncomfortable with nudity.
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Morty: aw, come on, Rick.
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If everyone's just gonna be
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Insane today, at least let me be
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Insane with jessica.
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Rick: i can't [burps] let you
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Do that, Morty.
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Morty: give it to me!
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Rick: no! [ burps ]
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You give it to me!
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Morty: g-g-give it! No, Rick!
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[ aliens groaning ]
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Oh, god, sir!
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They're still naked!
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Ugh.
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Well, check every five quintons
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And tell me when they're not.
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I think we should make kevin
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Look, sir.
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What?! No!
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W-w-why would you even say that?
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Uh, sir, we have a situation
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Over here.
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If there's a wiener on that
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Monitor, i swear to god, stu...
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Something is drawing a lot of
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Processing power.
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Oh, wait. No wonder.
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There's another real human in
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The simulator.
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Jerry: okay, Jerry big
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Pitch meeting.
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Make-or-break time.
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[ whirrin]
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You can do this.
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How did this happen?!
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Where's the abductions
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Department?
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Hey, man, abductions just
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Follows the acquisition order.
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Don't put this on
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Acquisitions!
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We only acquire humans that
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Haven'tbeen simulated!
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Well, simulations doesn't
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Simulate anybody that's been
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Abducted, so [chuckles]
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Oh, i see! Oh, oh!
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It was no one's fault.
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Oh, okay. [ chuckles ]
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I'm sorry.
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Well, then, problem solved.
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Oh, wait no.
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There's still another human in
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Here!
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Who is he?
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Rick's son-in-law,
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Jerry smith.
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So far, he hasn't noticed he's
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In a simulation.
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[ sighs ]
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Well, cap his sector at 5%
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Processing, keep his settings on
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Auto, and we'll deal with him
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Later.
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Rick sanchez is the target.
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Jerry: [ inhales deeply ]
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Got to relax.
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It's just a pitch.
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Got to relax.
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[ click ]
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[ static ]
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This is earth radio.
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And now, here's...human music.
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[ repetitive rhythmic beepin]
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Jerry: hmm. Human music.
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I like it.
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[ beeping continue]
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[ Rick and Morty panting ]
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Morty: Rick!
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Rick: uhp, uhp, uhp!
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Morty, keep your hands off your
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Ding-dong!
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It's the only way we can speak
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Freely.
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Look around you, Morty.
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Do you really think this [burps]
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World is real?
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You'd have to be an idiot not to
227
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Notice all the sloppy details.
228
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Look that guy's putting a bun
229
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Between two hot dogs.
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Morty: i don't know, Rick.
231
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I mean, i've seen people do that
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Before.
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Rick: well, look at that old
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Lady.
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She's she's walking a cat on
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A leash.
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Morty: uh, mrs. Spencer does
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That all the time, Rick.
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Rick: look, i-i-i don't want
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To hear about mrs. Spencer,
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Morty!
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She's an idiot!
243
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All right, all right, there.
244
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W-what about that, Morty?
245
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Morty: okay, okay, you got me
246
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On that one.
247
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Rick: oh, really,Morty?
248
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Are you sure you haven't seen
249
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That somewhere in real life
250
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Before?
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Morty: no, no.
252
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I haven't seen that.
253
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I mean, why would a pop tart
254
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Want to live inside a toaster,
255
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Rick?
256
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I mean, that would be, like, the
257
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Scariest place for them to live.
258
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You know what i mean?
259
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Rick: you're missing the
260
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Point, Morty.
261
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Why would he drive a smaller
262
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Toaster with wheels?
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I mean, does your car look like
264
00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:51,430
A smaller version of your house?
265
00:05:51,449 --> 00:05:52,199
No.
266
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:52,770
Morty: so, why are they doing
267
00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:53,530
This?
268
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:54,500
W-what do they want?
269
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:55,669
Rick: well, that would be
270
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,670
Obvious to you, Morty, if you'd
271
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:57,469
Been paying attention.
272
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,829
[ siren wails ]
273
00:05:58,850 --> 00:05:59,870
[ tires screech ]
274
00:05:59,889 --> 00:06:01,129
We got the president of the
275
00:06:01,149 --> 00:06:02,500
United states in here!
276
00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:03,799
We need 10cc of concentrated
277
00:06:03,819 --> 00:06:05,529
Dark matter, stat, or he'll die!
278
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:06,230
Morty: concentrated dark
279
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:06,930
Matter?
280
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:07,699
They were asking about that in
281
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:08,600
Class.
282
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,629
Rick: yeah, it's a special
283
00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:10,669
Fuel i invented to travel
284
00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:11,469
Through space faster than
285
00:06:11,490 --> 00:06:12,170
Anybody else.
286
00:06:12,189 --> 00:06:13,500
These zigerions are always
287
00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:14,669
Trying to scam me out of my
288
00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:15,800
Secrets, but they made a big
289
00:06:15,819 --> 00:06:17,000
Mistake this time, Morty.
290
00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,099
They dragged youinto this.
291
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,170
Now they're gonna pay!
292
00:06:19,189 --> 00:06:20,529
Morty: what do you
293
00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:21,829
W-w-what are we gonna do?
294
00:06:21,850 --> 00:06:22,700
Rick: we'll scam the
295
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:23,730
Scammers, Morty.
296
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,800
And we're gonna take them for
297
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,269
Everything they've got.
298
00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:28,170
Jerry: national apple farmers
299
00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:30,399
Of america, welcome to our ad
300
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:30,970
Agency.
301
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,329
I'm Jerry smith.
302
00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,200
All right.
303
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,030
I'll just...get to the pitch.
304
00:06:37,050 --> 00:06:39,270
Um, simple question, gentlemen,
305
00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:40,830
[ hoarsely ] what are apples?
306
00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:42,629
[ clears throat ] excuse me.
307
00:06:42,649 --> 00:06:44,029
Ahh.
308
00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,930
[ coughs, clears throat ]
309
00:06:45,949 --> 00:06:48,699
What are apples?
310
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,000
Apples are food.
311
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,029
And...when do we need food?
312
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:54,370
When we're hungry.
313
00:06:56,189 --> 00:06:58,230
With that, i give you your new
314
00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,899
Slogan!
315
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,430
[ sighs ]
316
00:07:01,449 --> 00:07:02,729
Well, say something!
317
00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:03,699
Do you like it?
318
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:04,630
Yes.
319
00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:05,699
Jerry: you do?
320
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:06,930
All: yes.
321
00:07:06,949 --> 00:07:09,099
Jerry: so...i sold it?
322
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,829
[ laughs ] i sold the idea?
323
00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:12,000
All: yes.
324
00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:13,729
Jerry: oh, my god! Thank you!
325
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:15,370
Together: thank you.
326
00:07:15,389 --> 00:07:17,569
You're welcome.
327
00:07:17,589 --> 00:07:20,829
[ "baker street" plays ]
328
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:22,200
Jerry: hey!
329
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:23,870
I just sold my first pitch!
330
00:07:23,889 --> 00:07:24,569
[ dialing ]
331
00:07:24,589 --> 00:07:25,399
Slow down!
332
00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:25,930
Lookin' good.
333
00:07:25,949 --> 00:07:27,329
My man!
334
00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:30,000
[ beeping, telephone ringing ]
335
00:07:30,019 --> 00:07:31,169
Robot Beth: hello.
336
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:32,500
Jerry: guess who just sold
337
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:33,699
The apples campaign.
338
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:34,830
Robot Beth: who just sold the
339
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:35,700
Apples campaign?
340
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:36,730
Jerry: me!
341
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,529
I guess it wasn't a rip-off of
342
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:39,970
"got milk?" after all.
343
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:40,930
Guess someonewas wrong.
344
00:07:40,949 --> 00:07:42,029
Robot Beth: yes.
345
00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:43,300
Jerry: well, all is forgiven,
346
00:07:43,319 --> 00:07:44,569
Because right now, i've got an
347
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,729
Erection the size of an
348
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:47,029
East coast lighthouse, and i'm
349
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,030
Coming home to share it with my
350
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:48,829
Beautiful wife.
351
00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:49,770
Robot Beth: okay.
352
00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:50,600
Jerry: wait really?
353
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:51,329
Robot Beth: yes.
354
00:07:51,350 --> 00:07:51,930
Jerry: yes!
355
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:52,800
See you in 10 minutes!
356
00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:53,370
[ cellphone beeps ]
357
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,229
Hey!
358
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,569
I'm going to make love to my
359
00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:56,099
Wife!
360
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,030
Lookin' good.
361
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:57,770
Slow down!
362
00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:58,530
My man!
363
00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:00,770
[ beeping ]
364
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:01,970
Morty: aw, geez, Rick.
365
00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:03,000
I-i don't know if i like this
366
00:08:03,019 --> 00:08:04,099
Plan, you know?
367
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,670
I mean, crowds, t-t-t-they have
368
00:08:06,689 --> 00:08:07,329
A tendency to make me really
369
00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:07,900
Nervous.
370
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,900
Rick: Morty, relax.
371
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:09,900
It's just a bunch of 1s and 0s
372
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:10,770
Out there.
373
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,830
You're gonna be fine.
374
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,200
Just follow my lead.
375
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,770
Yo, deejay, drop that beat.
376
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:16,770
[ hip-hop beat plays ]
377
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:17,530
[ cheers and applause ]
378
00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:18,730
Uh-oh, Morty.
379
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,730
This crowd looks too small for
380
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,430
One of ourfamous rap concerts.
381
00:08:22,449 --> 00:08:23,969
I don't think we can perform our
382
00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:25,230
New song, "the recipe for
383
00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:26,500
Concentrated dark matter," for a
384
00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:27,669
Crowd this tiny.
385
00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:28,500
Morty: you got that right,
386
00:08:28,519 --> 00:08:29,129
Rick.
387
00:08:29,149 --> 00:08:32,199
[ cheers and applause ]
388
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,529
Rick: now that's [burps]
389
00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:34,199
More like it!
390
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:35,769
Morty, here we go.
391
00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:37,169
Let me hear everybody say
392
00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:38,830
"hey-oh!" yeah!
393
00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:40,200
[ crowd cheering ]
394
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,899
All the ladies say, "yeah!"
395
00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:43,029
[ ladies cheering ]
396
00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:44,429
Everybody over 30, do this with
397
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:45,400
Your hands!
398
00:08:45,419 --> 00:08:46,870
Everybody with a red shirt, jump
399
00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:48,669
Up and down!
400
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,530
[ beeping ]
401
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:57,129
[ tires screech ]
402
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,100
Jerry: mm. Mm. Mm.
403
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,570
Yeah, don't move.
404
00:09:02,590 --> 00:09:04,670
Mm, mm, mm, mm!
405
00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:06,030
Mm!
406
00:09:06,049 --> 00:09:06,929
[ cheers and applause ]
407
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:07,930
Rick: yo, everyone whose
408
00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:09,200
First name begins with an "l"
409
00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:10,500
Who isn't hispanic, walk in a
410
00:09:10,519 --> 00:09:11,970
Circle the same number of times
411
00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:12,930
As the square root of your age
412
00:09:12,950 --> 00:09:14,470
Times 10!
413
00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:17,000
[ beeping ]
414
00:09:17,019 --> 00:09:18,230
Run, Morty!
415
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,169
Before the system reboots!
416
00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:21,300
[ squeaking ]
417
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,930
Jerry: yeah! You like that?
418
00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:24,129
Now who's unremarkable?
419
00:09:24,149 --> 00:09:25,399
You hungry for apples?
420
00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:26,969
[ squeaking intensifies ]
421
00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:30,299
Are you hungry...for...apples?!
422
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,700
[ squeaking stops ]
423
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,000
[ sighs deeply ]
424
00:09:33,019 --> 00:09:34,169
[ chuckles ]
425
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,130
Oh, my god.
426
00:09:36,149 --> 00:09:38,000
That's the best sex i've ever
427
00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:40,029
Had in my life.
428
00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:43,729
It's...it's...too good.
429
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,070
I don't deserve this, Beth.
430
00:09:46,090 --> 00:09:47,700
I'm a fraud.
431
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,800
Morty: oh, man, Rick!
432
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,970
W-w-w-where we running to?
433
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:50,730
Rick: out of the simulation,
434
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:51,470
Morty.
435
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,730
Normally, the chamber operates
436
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:53,830
Like a treadmill, with the
437
00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:55,000
Virtual world disappearing
438
00:09:55,019 --> 00:09:56,129
Behind us and being rendered in
439
00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:57,299
Front of us as we move through
440
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,670
It, but while it's frozen,
441
00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:00,630
Morty, we can get to...
442
00:10:00,649 --> 00:10:01,899
The edge.
443
00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:02,870
Here we go.
444
00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:04,100
Morty: holy crap!
445
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,129
Rick: come on, Morty.
446
00:10:05,149 --> 00:10:06,730
Morty: [ grunts ]
447
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,870
Sir, they're over the edge.
448
00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:10,199
Yes, they are.
449
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,070
Just...as...planned.
450
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:16,769
[ evil laughter ]
451
00:10:16,789 --> 00:10:17,769
Oh, this is going to be such a
452
00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:18,429
Mind [bleep]
453
00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,299
Rick: keep your eyes peeled
454
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,070
For the central processing room,
455
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:23,769
Morty.
456
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:24,669
That's how we're gonna scam
457
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,600
These idiots.
458
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:26,629
Morty: so, hey, why do these
459
00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:27,730
Aliens keep coming after you,
460
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:28,429
Rick, if you're so much smarter
461
00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:29,300
Than them?
462
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,230
Rick: it's an obsession for
463
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:31,200
Them at this point.
464
00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:32,570
The zi[burps]gerions have been
465
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,530
Trying to outsmart me for years,
466
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:34,500
Morty.
467
00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:35,629
Every time they do, i'm one step
468
00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:36,269
Ahead of them.
469
00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,230
Aha!
470
00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:39,769
Here we go.
471
00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:40,730
Grab as many processors as you
472
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:41,799
Can carry, Morty.
473
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:43,200
These guys aren't good at much,
474
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,100
But they're reallygood at
475
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,570
Making these chips.
476
00:10:46,590 --> 00:10:47,670
Morty: i've got so many, i
477
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:48,470
Can barely hold them all.
478
00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:49,430
[ chuckles ]
479
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:50,470
Look at look at this.
480
00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:51,629
Oops. I dropped one.
481
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:52,299
Rick: don't worry about it,
482
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,170
Morty.
483
00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:53,970
There's plenty of them, you
484
00:10:53,990 --> 00:10:54,470
Little goofball.
485
00:10:54,490 --> 00:10:56,600
[ both laugh ]
486
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:57,570
Come here, Morty! Oh, i gotcha!
487
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,129
Morty: come on, quit it,
488
00:10:58,149 --> 00:10:58,629
Rick!
489
00:10:58,649 --> 00:10:59,600
Quit it! [ laughs ]
490
00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:00,730
Rick: nothing wrong with just
491
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:01,769
A little bit of horseplay every
492
00:11:01,789 --> 00:11:02,929
Now and then, little fella.
493
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,100
[ glass shatters ]
494
00:11:14,889 --> 00:11:16,370
Morty: wow. What do you know?
495
00:11:16,389 --> 00:11:17,629
Huh. That was easy.
496
00:11:17,649 --> 00:11:20,299
Rick: totes malotes, dawg.
497
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,100
Morty: just kind of hard to
498
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:21,799
Believe, you know?
499
00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:22,830
Rick: believe it, Morty.
500
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,399
And once again, i'm flying away
501
00:11:24,419 --> 00:11:25,799
With everything i can carry, and
502
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:26,930
The zigerions got nothing of
503
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,300
Mine.
504
00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:33,699
Jerry: [ sighs ]
505
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,269
Mr. Marklevitz, do you have a...
506
00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:36,599
Minute to talk?
507
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:37,769
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
508
00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:39,569
Jerry: look, i'm a fraud.
509
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:40,870
I mean, let's face it
510
00:11:40,889 --> 00:11:42,370
"hungry for apples" is just a
511
00:11:42,389 --> 00:11:43,529
Rip-off of "got milk?"
512
00:11:43,549 --> 00:11:44,729
It's almost identical.
513
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,200
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
514
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,269
Jerry: [ sighs ] okay.
515
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,969
I deserve that.
516
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,370
Umm...i guess...i'll just pack
517
00:11:51,389 --> 00:11:52,299
Up my desk.
518
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,370
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
519
00:11:53,389 --> 00:11:56,330
Jerry: [ crying ]
520
00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:59,269
[ sobbing ] oh, my god.
521
00:11:59,289 --> 00:12:01,730
Wait. You know what?! No!
522
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:03,370
The milk people don't have a
523
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,399
Patent on simple rhetorical
524
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,500
Questions!
525
00:12:05,519 --> 00:12:07,000
There's not even a single word
526
00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:08,470
In "hungry for apples" that's
527
00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:09,700
Shared by "got milk?"
528
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,129
It's a completely different
529
00:12:11,149 --> 00:12:11,769
Slogan.
530
00:12:11,789 --> 00:12:13,529
It's different!
531
00:12:13,549 --> 00:12:15,299
And i shouldn't be fired.
532
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:16,629
I should be promoted!
533
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:17,299
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
534
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:17,730
Jerry: yeah!
535
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:18,600
Wait. Really?
536
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,399
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
537
00:12:19,419 --> 00:12:20,299
Jerry: yes!
538
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,400
I mean, i'm it may be
539
00:12:21,419 --> 00:12:22,569
Derivative, but it's the most
540
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,800
Successful campaign to come out
541
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:24,830
Of thagency in a long time.
542
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:25,899
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
543
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:26,969
Jerry: i-i'm not saying it
544
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,000
Should win an award for
545
00:12:28,019 --> 00:12:29,370
Commercials, but it could
546
00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:30,399
Certainly be nominatedfor an
547
00:12:30,419 --> 00:12:31,370
Award for commercials
548
00:12:31,389 --> 00:12:32,669
Specifically about apples,
549
00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:33,830
Like...an appley or something.
550
00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:34,700
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
551
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,529
Jerry: is there really an
552
00:12:35,549 --> 00:12:36,399
Award called the appley for
553
00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:37,269
Apple-related ad campaigns?
554
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,029
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
555
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:38,829
Jerry: could we nominate me?
556
00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:39,570
[ snaps fingers ] yes.
557
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:41,430
Jerry: holy crap!
558
00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:43,230
[ beeping ]
559
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:48,970
Rick: get in, Morty.
560
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,500
I'm gonna [burps] be able to use
561
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:51,730
These processors to make some
562
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,230
Real important science stuff.
563
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,000
[ keypad beeping ]
564
00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:56,899
Huh.
565
00:12:56,919 --> 00:12:57,969
I thought i entered the code
566
00:12:57,990 --> 00:12:58,500
Right.
567
00:12:58,519 --> 00:12:59,929
[ keypad beeping ]
568
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,730
Wha well, what's this?
569
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,799
W-what could this possibly be?
570
00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:12,330
Because it looks like you're
571
00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:13,899
Inside a simulation...
572
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,399
Inside a simulation.
573
00:13:16,419 --> 00:13:18,029
You're still on the ship.
574
00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:19,529
Game-day bucket go boom.
575
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,829
Sir, the, uh, doctor's
576
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,399
Appointment to examine the
577
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:23,529
Discoloration on your butthole
578
00:13:23,549 --> 00:13:24,500
Flaps was
579
00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:25,730
Too loud, cynthia.
580
00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:26,899
Too loud and too specific.
581
00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:27,829
Rick: uhh...
582
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:28,870
[ chuckles ]
583
00:13:28,889 --> 00:13:30,129
We've known how to make
584
00:13:30,149 --> 00:13:31,470
Concentrated dark matter for a
585
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:33,700
Long time.
586
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,870
But now we alsoknow the code to
587
00:13:36,889 --> 00:13:38,970
Your fabled safe, Rick sanchez!
588
00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:40,930
All your most valuable secrets
589
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:41,930
Will now be ours!
590
00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:43,070
Rick: uh, yeah, until i get
591
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,330
Home before you and change the
592
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:45,029
Combination, you bunch of
593
00:13:45,049 --> 00:13:45,699
Idiots!
594
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:46,529
That is why you're never
595
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:47,129
Getting home.
596
00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:49,269
Get them!
597
00:13:49,289 --> 00:13:50,469
Rick: [ grunts ]
598
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:51,500
[ aliens shouting, groaning ]
599
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:52,730
Run, Morty!
600
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,269
[ both panting ]
601
00:14:01,889 --> 00:14:03,500
Morty: oh, my god!
602
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:10,000
[ beep, click ]
603
00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:17,600
[ mechanical breathing ]
604
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:21,299
Ow!
605
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,870
[ click, whoosh ]
606
00:14:26,889 --> 00:14:28,330
[ aliens screaming ]
607
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,170
[ both panting ]
608
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,570
Jerry: i got to tell you,
609
00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:32,670
This morning, i didn't even know
610
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:33,600
This award existed.
611
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,429
Now i'm holdingone.
612
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:37,000
And...um...
613
00:14:37,019 --> 00:14:39,000
Look, i want to say that today
614
00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:41,529
Was the best day of my life...
615
00:14:41,549 --> 00:14:43,129
But...the truth is, it's it's
616
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,529
More meaningful than that.
617
00:14:44,549 --> 00:14:45,699
My man!
618
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,800
Jerry: yes. Thank you, sir.
619
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,129
[ sighs deeply ]
620
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:52,769
I...am...finally complete!
621
00:14:52,789 --> 00:14:54,599
[ beeping ]
622
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,129
My my my my man!
623
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,700
Jerry: aah!
624
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,629
What the hell?!
625
00:15:04,649 --> 00:15:07,329
[ beeping ]
626
00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:07,800
No.
627
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,530
Rick: Jerry?!
628
00:15:08,549 --> 00:15:09,529
Morty: dad!
629
00:15:09,549 --> 00:15:10,229
Rick: what are you doing
630
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:10,899
Here?
631
00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:11,699
W-why are you dressed like a
632
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:12,600
Waiter?
633
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:13,399
Screw it. We don't have time.
634
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:14,069
Come on.
635
00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:16,200
Jerry: [ sobbing ] no!
636
00:15:21,919 --> 00:15:23,399
[ alarm blaring ]
637
00:15:23,419 --> 00:15:24,229
Rick: ohhhhh!
638
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:27,870
[ beeping ]
639
00:15:27,889 --> 00:15:29,429
Jerry: aah!
640
00:15:48,149 --> 00:15:50,100
All: yes! Yes! Yes!
641
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:01,029
Oof!
642
00:16:01,049 --> 00:16:02,769
Rick: man up, Jerry!
643
00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:03,469
I may need you to work the
644
00:16:03,490 --> 00:16:03,870
Lasers.
645
00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,470
[ beeping ]
646
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:07,970
[ slurps ]
647
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:08,830
[ gasps ]
648
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,399
[ alarm blaring ]
649
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:17,330
Morty: oh, man!
650
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,700
They're hot on our tail, Rick!
651
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:19,800
Rick: i guess they really do
652
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:20,730
Have concentrated dark matter.
653
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:21,600
Morty: well, you know how to
654
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:22,330
Make it, too, right, Rick?
655
00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:23,600
Rick: yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
656
00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:24,769
Uh, check the engine room.
657
00:16:24,789 --> 00:16:26,099
We just need cesium, plutonic
658
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,470
Quarks, and bottled water.
659
00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,700
Morty: it's all here, Rick!
660
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:31,529
Rick: wow, Morty.
661
00:16:31,549 --> 00:16:32,129
Lucky break.
662
00:16:32,149 --> 00:16:33,299
Grab that bucket.
663
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,430
Okay, two parts plutonic quarks,
664
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:36,570
One part cesium.
665
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,870
Morty: okay. Uh-huh.
666
00:16:38,889 --> 00:16:40,000
[ fizzing ]
667
00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:40,829
All right.
668
00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:41,899
Rick: now empty the water
669
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,029
Bottle into the bucket and pour
670
00:16:43,049 --> 00:16:44,599
It all into the fuel tank so we
671
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:45,899
Can get the hell out of here!
672
00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:46,929
What are you doing, Morty?!
673
00:16:46,950 --> 00:16:47,730
There's no time!
674
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,399
[ beeping ]
675
00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:54,570
Morty: [ stammering ]
676
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:56,030
Rick: oh, no.
677
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,029
Jerry: what the
678
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:57,899
Rick: no!
679
00:16:57,919 --> 00:17:00,129
[ laughter ]
680
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,970
Oh, my god, Rick.
681
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,170
How dumb are you?
682
00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:10,130
You're inside a simulation...
683
00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,930
Of a simulation...
684
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:14,370
Inside another giant simulation!
685
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:15,730
[ laughs ]
686
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,269
W-we never had the recipe for
687
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:18,700
Concentrated dark matter.
688
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,200
But we do now!
689
00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:21,600
We do now, sucka!
690
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:22,929
Rick: you simulated my
691
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:24,370
Grandson's genitalia?!
692
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:25,870
Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons
693
00:17:25,890 --> 00:17:26,970
Of bitches!
694
00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:27,970
Kevin fought real hard to
695
00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:29,069
Supervise that project.
696
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:29,899
You said you weren't gonna
697
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:30,900
Tell anyone!
698
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:31,529
I'm never gonna live this down,
699
00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:32,200
Am i?
700
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:33,299
Rick: all right. Okay.
701
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:34,369
All right, great. Wonderful.
702
00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:36,170
You win. Can we go home now?
703
00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:37,600
I don't know. Canyou?
704
00:17:37,619 --> 00:17:39,099
Ha! Nice.
705
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,699
Okay, okay.
706
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,730
Show this gullible turd to his
707
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:42,569
Shuttle.
708
00:17:42,589 --> 00:17:43,869
I'm done with him.
709
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:44,900
Oh, wait. Let me get a picture.
710
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:45,930
[ shutter clicks ]
711
00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:47,029
Aww. Look at his face.
712
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,200
He's trying to figure out if
713
00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:49,130
He's in a simulation still.
714
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,300
Are you, Rick?
715
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,730
Are you?
716
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:52,769
[ laughs ]
717
00:17:52,789 --> 00:17:54,170
You're not.
718
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,799
Or ayou?
719
00:17:58,089 --> 00:17:59,730
Oh, a-and, by the way, i don't
720
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,269
Have discolored butthole flaps.
721
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,569
That was part of the simulation.
722
00:18:02,589 --> 00:18:03,299
Oh.
723
00:18:03,319 --> 00:18:04,730
Uh, sir, should i cancel that
724
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,930
Appointment, then?
725
00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:07,000
Yeah! Of course you should!
726
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:07,930
[ chuckles ]
727
00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:08,930
No, keep it.
728
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:09,730
Move it up, actually, if you
729
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:10,599
Can.
730
00:18:15,019 --> 00:18:15,930
Rick: hey, Jerry, don't worry
731
00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:16,830
About it.
732
00:18:16,849 --> 00:18:17,969
So what if the most meaningful
733
00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:19,130
Day of your life was a
734
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:20,070
Simulation operating at minimum
735
00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:21,129
Cap[burps]acity?
736
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:22,500
Jerry: you know what, Rick?
737
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,529
Those guys took youfor a ride,
738
00:18:23,549 --> 00:18:24,299
Too.
739
00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:25,799
You should try having a little
740
00:18:25,819 --> 00:18:27,200
Respect for the dummies of the
741
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:28,370
Universe, now that you're one of
742
00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:29,100
Us.
743
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:29,699
Rick: maybe you're right,
744
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,799
Jerry.
745
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:31,769
Maybe you're right.
746
00:18:31,789 --> 00:18:32,700
[ aliens cheering ]
747
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,200
[ dance music plays ]
748
00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:36,230
All right, everybody.
749
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,099
Two parts plutonic quarks...
750
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,669
One part cesium...
751
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:42,970
[ fizzing ]
752
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,500
A-and listen, i'm sorry for
753
00:18:44,519 --> 00:18:45,769
Éling earlier.
754
00:18:45,789 --> 00:18:46,899
I-i couldn't ask for a better
755
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,000
Staff.
756
00:18:48,019 --> 00:18:49,869
I love you guys, and i love all
757
00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:51,270
Your families.
758
00:18:51,289 --> 00:18:53,569
And the final ingredient...
759
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,230
Jerry: whoa!
760
00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:58,430
What the hell?!
761
00:18:58,450 --> 00:18:59,470
W-what happened back there?
762
00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:00,829
Rick: why don't you ask the
763
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:01,500
Smartest people in the universe,
764
00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:02,900
Jerry?
765
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,269
Oh, yeah. [ burps ] you can't.
766
00:19:04,289 --> 00:19:05,970
They blew up.
767
00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:06,829
[ sighs ]
768
00:19:06,849 --> 00:19:07,899
[ beep ]
769
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,930
[ "baker street" play]
770
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:10,830
[ vocalizing ]
771
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,930
[ vocalizing out of sync ]
772
00:19:21,849 --> 00:19:23,969
[ "baker street" continues ]
773
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:47,200
Jerry: so...
774
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,529
What do you think?
775
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:50,900
You're fired.
776
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,070
Jerry: wha
777
00:19:52,089 --> 00:19:53,500
But t-this idea was tested in a
778
00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:55,200
State-of-the-art simulation.
779
00:19:55,220 --> 00:19:56,529
Well, then, it was a terrible
780
00:19:56,549 --> 00:19:57,000
Simulation.
781
00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:58,369
Get out.
782
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:02,030
[ door opens, closes ]
783
00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,569
Man, how does a guy like that go
784
00:20:03,589 --> 00:20:05,629
Home and have sex with his wife?
785
00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:06,930
Rick: hey, Morty.
786
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:07,870
Morty: what?
787
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:09,030
Rick: hey, little buddy.
788
00:20:09,049 --> 00:20:10,399
H-h-how you doing in here right
789
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:11,130
Now?
790
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:11,970
Morty: aw, geez, Rick.
791
00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:13,029
What are you doing, man?
792
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:13,629
Rick: y-y-you're a good kid,
793
00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:14,269
Morty.
794
00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:15,129
Y-you're a real l-little
795
00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:15,930
C-character, Morty.
796
00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:16,900
Morty: oh, boy.
797
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:17,900
Rick: you know, i had a
798
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,670
Really rocky road today,
799
00:20:19,690 --> 00:20:21,000
M-Morty.
800
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:21,769
You're my little friend, aren't
801
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:22,170
You?
802
00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:23,570
[ sighs ]
803
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:24,799
We had some good times together,
804
00:20:24,819 --> 00:20:25,129
Huh, m-Morty?
805
00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:26,070
We
806
00:20:26,089 --> 00:20:27,029
You're a real true hero out in
807
00:20:27,049 --> 00:20:27,730
The fld.
808
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:28,500
You're a li
809
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,569
You're a real trouper, huh,
810
00:20:29,589 --> 00:20:30,230
M-m-Morty?
811
00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:31,130
Morty: have you been
812
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:32,130
Drinking, Rick?
813
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,070
Rick: i really appreciate
814
00:20:33,089 --> 00:20:33,929
You, Morty.
815
00:20:33,950 --> 00:20:34,870
Morty: o-okay, cool.
816
00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:35,770
A-all right, Rick
817
00:20:35,789 --> 00:20:36,129
Rick: you little son of a
818
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,130
Bitch!
819
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:39,100
Y-y are you a simulation?!
820
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:40,069
Huh?! Are you a simulation?!
821
00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:41,129
Morty: no! No! No!
822
00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:41,830
Rick: you little son of a
823
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:42,730
Bitch!
824
00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:44,170
Morty: [ gasping ]
825
00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:45,269
Rick: i-i-i'm sorry, Morty.
826
00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:46,099
Y-you're a good
827
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:46,799
You're a good kid, Morty.
828
00:20:46,819 --> 00:20:47,470
Morty: geez!
829
00:20:47,490 --> 00:20:48,170
Rick: y-you're a good
830
00:20:48,190 --> 00:20:49,029
You're a good kid.
831
00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:49,869
Morty: oh, my god!
832
00:20:49,890 --> 00:20:50,830
Rick: [ snoring ]
833
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:53,569
Morty: w-w-what the hell?
834
00:20:53,589 --> 00:20:54,799
What a life.
9999
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