Original subtitles

Transcription: fba90130, SulFiloDeiRicordi; Translation: SulFiloDeiRicordi;

Hello diary,

my name is Alice.

I guess i'm buying you because i feel that at last i have something worthwhile to say,

and since we moved and i'm starting a new school,

it's even more important that i have some place to be me,

to say what i really think,

and not to worry about how it sounds to anyone else.

Dad seems happy about his new teaching job.

I guess being an assistant dean is a big promotion.

Mom loves the new house.

And of course,

Tim has a couple of friends already.

I just hope that i can make a fresh start.

Just got to keep my weight down so all my new clothes will fit,

and i've got to be more outgoing.

Maybe i could even give a party here...

I brought you some more hangers.

Oh, Alice!

You had time to try all of your clothes twice probably three times,

don't you wanna put them all away now,

so you'll be ready for tomorrow?

I just can't deicide what to wear...

Oh, i think that looks very nice.

Yeah, but supposing everybody goes in blue jeans,

I mean.. you want me to look like a total misfit?

I mean afterall you're the one that's been after me to stop being a drag..

I never called you a drag.

Didn't have to, showed in your eyes...

It was because of your attitude, honey.

Seems so unfeeling and unlike you.

I mean, even on last night,

not letting old friends like Bobby and Sharon come around to say goodbye.

How are three people supposed to have a party?

- Is that what it's all about? - It's that what it's all about.

The way you've been acting all last time?

Is that because Sharon got a boyfriend?

Oh, honey...

Honey, I know this is a very difficoult time for you, but...

it can be a wonderful time too.

Best time of your life.

Oh, I don't care.

You will.

You will as you mature, as you... as you feel your body changing...

and you know it's been hormones coming to your bloodstream..

Nothing to be ashamed of sweetheart.

Or afraid of.

Yeah.. what about when the hormones get into the boys bloodstream?

Slap! Instant sex maniacs.

Or didn't they use to get frustrated in the good old days?

What do you do about that?

Well, uh, of course, uhm...

I mean, boys do have a stronger sex drive as you said, but...

you have to realize, you have to be aware of your own desires too dear.

You already gave me the sex lection, remember?

Well honey, it's something that we can talk about.

- Anytime. - Yeah...

Sure, mom.

Anytime? I remeber when I could talk that way.

Now it's as if we speak different languages.

Or maybe she's just as lost with words as i am,

and we're both just groping around unable to say...

what we really mean to each other.

Sometimes I just wish I could tell my mother i'm afraid!

♪ One pill makes you larger...

♪ And one pill makes you small.

♪ And the ones that mother gives you...

♪ Don't do anything at all.

♪ Go ask Alice.

♪ When she's ten feet tall.

♪ And if you go chasing rabbits...

♪ And you know you're going to fall...

♪ Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar...

♪ Has given you the call.

♪ Call Alice.

♪ When she was just small.

♪ When the men on the chessboard...

♪ Get up and tell you where to go...

♪ And you've just had some kind of mushroom...

♪ And your mind is moving low...

♪ Go ask Alice!

♪ I think she'll know.

♪ When logic and proportion...

♪ Have fallen sloppy dead...

♪ And the White Knight ♪ is talking backwards...

♪ And the Red Queen's ♪ off with her head...

♪ Remember what the dormouse said,

♪ "Feed your head, feed your head".

Congratulations, Alice!

Clothes are all wrong.

Now, students, do you understand everything we discussed today?

You have your list of all the things that you need for the classtest tomorrow.

Any questions?

Jan Meeker is passing out your assignments, your schedules.

please be sure you have one before you go to lunch.

And if there's any question I'd appreciate if you discuss it with me today.

Don't forget the Student council election tomorrow.

Anybody interested in campaign you better get busy!

Are you going to the cafeteria?

Yeah, where is it?

Where the sign says.

Cafeteria, are you kidding?

What's in the bag, uh?

Oh no, oh!

Guess it doesn't matter what I wear or what I say,

whether I go to the cafeteria and eat all alone...

or try to sit with some other creep or what.

Maybe it's never going to matter.

I'm not going to make it in school either.

Double fries, jumbo malted.

Well diary, I still have you...

but what a lousy month it's been.

I've gained 8 pound, my face is breaking out and...

I think I've found a friend.

Her name is Beth Baum.

I've seen her around school and at a couple of other hamburger places.

We seem to have a lot in common,

besides our weight problems.

We're both kinda shy,

We both feel older than most 15 year-olds.

Now I'll have someone to walk with,

to talk to in the cafeteria.

I've decided to watch our figures...

even if nobody else does.

Beth is super cool about not being popular,

unlike me,

but I'm afraid you have to be super smart to be that cool.

Beth?

- Bethy? - Huh?

Do you suppose that girls like us ever get married?

Married? Well, all I'm trying to do is accelerate...

- so that I can get out of high school...

- and get into college. - No, I mean ever, like...

you know, when we're older.

Well, if I can get good in languages...

I should be able to get a job that involves a lot of travels.

Oh, Come on! Don't you ever want to get married?

Yeah, I guess, only I have this sort of nightmare.

It's pretty weird.

I have some weird dreams, too.

Well, my grandmother told me that if a Jewish boy...

finds out that the girl he's marrying isn't a virgin...

he can leave her right in the middle of the synagogue.

Like... at the last minute. Just walk out in front of everybody.

But, you're a virgin. I mean, aren't you?

Well, now I am.

But, in the dream, I'm just standing in front of the rabbi,

in my beautiful gown, with everybody whispering, I'm not.

But how can they prove it?

- Some kind of examination, I guess. - At the wedding?

I don't know.

My grandmother never told me how they prove it.

Maybe she was lying just to scare me.

Wouldn't somebody in your family know?

I can't ask them that!

What would they think?

I know.

Strange that Beth and I could talk so easily...

and I can tell her all about my diary...

and I am afraid to let my mother and father know...

that I have one.

Strange too how time went so slowly for Beth and I...

before we met each other,

and now that we're friends it's gone by so fast.

The term was over before we knew it.

pull up the water from the Nile...

Maybe we're too dependent on each other...

but what are best friends for?

We both dreaded the end of the semester...

because now Beth has to go away for the summer...

to camp in Vermont, and I'm stuck here.

At least Mom and Dad understand how lonely I will be...

and they're going to let me make two long distance calls to her.

It's decent of them but it's still going to be a terrible summer.

I've never been so bored in all my life.

♪ I just saw her with my best friend...

♪ Do you know what I mean?

♪ D'you know, know what I mean?

Ehy, uh... why don't you come in?

Hi, how are you?

I didn't know you worked here.

Yeah, all summer.

Do you wanna look around?

Yeah!

Makes me wanna ask my Dad for some more money for clothes.

Uh, your dad's kinda big around here.

You mean because of his lectures?

Yeah, I hear his name, you know, all over the place.

Hmm, my folks might be going away this weekend to a party...

and I thought I'd have one of my own.

Are you free?

Am I free?

Wow, am I free!

Some of these guys must be college age,

I've never seen them around our school.

I guess they're always nice as Chris when you get to know them.

I just hope some of the kids...

don't start that number about dope or drinking.

I have to admit I've never tried it...

or take it...

Alright!

Button, button.

Button, button, who's got the button?

Button, button, who's got the button?

Don't be greedy! Babies first!

Oh, Yeah!

- Button, button! - Thank you!

Button, button!

Button, button!

- Ready to do it? - Hmm.

♪ Dear Mr. Fantasy play us a tune.

♪ Something to make us all happy.

♪ Do anything, take us out of this gloom...

♪ Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy...

Hey, stop playing that song!

And now we have our first winner of the...

What's happening?

Don't worry, you just relax!

I feel really strange, I feel..

feel really sick!

Now, well, I'm here, hey? Just let it happen.

- Are they trying to poison me? - No! No, they aren't.

Enjoy it! You're going to have a beautiful trip, I promise.

That's why I didn't get any,

so that I could take care of you.

At... At first I felt totally cut off from everyone,

thought I was dying very slowly!

I knew that no one in the world outside me could help.

It was so frightening...

...that I wanted to die.

Then the ugliness left.

But everything... anything became new and beautiful.

After that I felt that I found the perfect,

true and original language.

My mind seemed to possess all the wisdom, knowledge of the ages.

There were no words adequate to explain it to anyone.

I... for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful, free and non antipathique.

Now that it's over I'm not sure whether I'm ashamed or elated.

I guess I'm glad they did it to me because...

I can honestly say it wasn't my decision.

I'll always remember that feeling, but it's over.

I've had the experience now and I'll never do it again.

Phone!

Are you awake?

It's almost noon!

It's... it's that boy, Ritchie,

who brought you off from the party last night.

You want to take it or you want me to have him call you back?

Alice?

Yeah... Yeah... I'll take it.

The summer's getting pretty skitzy now:

tripping with Richie at night,

playing it straight in the daytime.

Mom and Dad don't suspect anything as far as drugs go, of course.

But they're nagging about my hair and clothes and attitude enough to drive me crazy.

That, plus my monthly pregnancy scare makes me "borrow"...

a lot of Mom and Dad's tranquilizers but they never miss them.

Richie says, "Parents always know there's missing booze but never pills or cash.

He says, "that shows where their heads are at".

Well Diary, school has finally started again.

It's really weird how the same place that I hated last time...

has become my sanctuary this time.

I'm at 103 lbs and feeling great.

Whenever I get hungry or tired I just pop a benny.

Ritchie even gives me this stuff to have when for when I am alone...

...or want to turn on.

Isn't that nice?

Alice?

Ah, there you are.

I almost didn't recognize you!

Hey, listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you back on Saturday...

...it was just that, uh, this weekend was really wild!

Like... all three weeks I've been home!

Three weeks? Wow.

I didn't realize it's been that long!

It's just that I've been really busy and, well,

I've got an old man now.

Yeah, well, I've met somebody too.

His name is Bud.

He goes to college back East.

So, I guess we won't be able to see each other except on weekends and...

holidays and things, you know...

but we decided it was worth the wait.

Yeah, well, still waiting, uh?

Well, you know... our families and things...

Hey, Alice, we go for lunch?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Hey, listen, I gotta go OK? I'll see you around.

Yeah, well, I'd really like to you to meet him sometimes if you can.

Sure, anytime, just call!

Sure.

How can you tell somebody you have outgrown them?

Sometimes I wish every straight kid could be turned on like I was,

Just once.

Feel that first beautiful lift...

and they'd find out what they're missing. And join the party,

Instead of getting left out like Beth.

I thought about inviting her but...

...she would have got really uptight when we started doing this stuff.

Happy birthday Alice!

Hey man, your brother's on fire!

Stand up, stand up, stand up and take your praise...

...your praise. stand up!

She can't!

Don't you want me to blow out my candles?

Well, sure he wants you to blow out the candles!

Come on kids!

I mean it's not old fashion to celebrate a birthday these days, is it?

Listen, we're really dying for something sweet.

Yeah, we crave sweets!

Ehy you see honey birthday cakes aren't so square!

They're round.

Alice, make your wish, this year we break out the champagne!

Can you believe it? Stoned out of my mind and...

my own parents can't tell difference.

How did they get to the age they are?

Who's more out of it, them, or us?

Having a wonderful time...

Wish you were here,

I could tell you a thing or two.

Come on you guys, it's time to eat.

Think fast! Hey, good catch!

I though I'd bring these tests over to you.

Good! Come and meet my family.

Bobby!

- John Clements. - Hi.

- Oh, how do you do? - My slave driven T.A.

- Pretty good. Nice to meet you. - Are you the Chaucer assistant?

Ah no, I'm in contemporary Lit, my Middle English stinks.

- And this is Big Tim. - Hi.

Our star end. There's Alice over there!

Alice? That used to be Alice. Honey, isn't that Alice?

I'm sure that's Alice, she's been sleeping in Alice's room lately.

Well, the feet look familiar...

...but the hair kind of hides everything else.

If you weren't so uptight about yourselves...

- you wouldn't be bugging me all the time. - Honey, that's no way to speak to your mother.

OK, OK, Joel, how about staying for some cold ham and potato salad?

Uh, sure, if I'm not intruding, uh, I...

No, no, no, listen.

If war breaks out again between the generations,

you can referee, did you bring your striped shirt and whistle?

He eats more than I do!

Uh, Tim is our Refuse Department.

If they gave a scholarship for gluttony,

Tim would be a shoo-in.

That's terrible.

What do you know about that scholarship renewal for Ritchie, uh,

what's his name, Alice's friend,

he's in your section, isn't he?

Oh, yeah, uhm, he started up pretty good but he's been slipping a lot lately.

He got top grades on his papers, I saw them.

Well, yeah, he's a smart guy, alright,

but, uhm, well he's got a lot of work that's overdue.

He's not gonna lose his scholarship, is he?

Does he care?

Wish Ritchie were here to straighten 'em out,

Then I wouldn't have to zonk myself to get through moments like this.

Between the downs at home and the uppers at school,

to get over the downs I'm popping more pills than I can keep track of.

Did you hear about Bill getting busted?

- Yeah, yeah. - For possession and dealing.

I heard all about it, He's pushing at the junior high.

- Junior high? - What--what if he's, uhm...

...says things about his connections?

Now, look ladies, two more facts of life:

one, he's not gonna say anything.

Nobody's gonna say anything.

Two, anybody wants to pay for a high,

is gonna find a source.

Right? So, junior high or senior high, somebody's gonna make the bread.

Might as well be us, baby!

It's like penny candy for these pre-meds to get this stuff!

The whole scene, whatever anyone's bag is...

all they want.

Yeah, we don't have the time to push, Ritchie baby.

Yeah but, you know, in schools, and in our car,

and, you know, it's taking a chance, isn't it?

It's worth taking the chance!

Except for the labs we've missed...

I just don't understand why you're into this pushing all of a suddent...

- don't you work on weekends anymore? - Now, don't get in an uproar...

What comes from too much talk, and not enough smoke?

Alice and I could, uhm...

do Bill's number at the junior high.

Bill is pushing mostly pills.

We could use that money now, couldn't we, Ritchie?

Gonna miss it!

Well, I think I could pay it back to you.

You're good to me.

Wow!

Would you do that for me?

Sure. I'd do anything.

You haven't had any speed yet, have you?

No.

Well...

I want some good news.

I'm with Ritchie and we're both high.

It's a really wild feeling.

But when we're not high,

he seems to forget about me.

He... he never even touches me then.

Sometimes I find myself wondering,

what it... what it's like without dope.

Just feeling things straight.

I thought you'd be older!

I'm pushing at the grade school.

Are these yours?

No.

Somebody just gave them to me.

I didn't even want 'em.

Who's it, Ritchie?

Is this the reason for his slump at school?

And... and.. and... your peculiar?

The reason for his slump is because he's out on his feet.

Ritchie has two night jobs, and...

besides, can't prescribe medicines just because he's in pre-med.

And anyhow, I'm not in a slump, so, uhm...

so I guess you got your signals crossed, huh.

Then straighten us out, honey.

If it wasn't Ritchie, where did you get those pills you had upstairs?

Some girls for some crams or something,

or just about anybody to stay up for a test.

I haven't even tried'em. I didn't even know I really had them.

I found them right in your desk!

You're vacuum the inside of my desk now?

The drawer was open, they were right on top.

- So, I guess I wasn't expecting a search then.

- I don't search my children's robes. - She knows that, darling,

she knows that we respect her privacy, honey,

all we want is to be sure that you aren't experimenting...

with this stuff or any other drugs.

And that you'd tell us about it if you do, or try.

All we want is your word.

We've always trusted you, Alice.

All we want is keep on trusting you.

I know you have.

I give you my word.

Now, that's what I hoped to hear.

Who was that?

Man, are we dummies! Damn it! Those creeps was just using us.

Both of us.

And God knows how many other stupid girs.

The least we can do is to take the money. It's ours too.

Hey,

do you think we did the right thing?

Well I think it'd be worst if we stayed.

Now all that money is gone I don't trust at all Ritchie.

I don't even trust myself.

How long do you think 200$ is gonna last?

They will last.

Maybe if we keep straight.

Maybe if we promise to keep straight.

I can't promise, Chris.

I can't trust myself.

I can't trust myself either.

It's kind of a bad thing we're into.

Kickin' all that stuff.

Tell me that it was just for fun and...

that we weren't really hooked.

I don't know, Alice.

I haven't been straight for two years.

Where's Chris?

Have you got anything?

- Where is she? - Listen I don't know any Chris.

You got any uppers left?

I don't know you?

What's the matter, you're in a blackout? I brought you here.

Who are you?

I'm Doris. We've been all over.

For how long?

Forever.

What happened to the music?

The whole rally was cancelled, remember?

Somebody must have really slipped you a bad pill.

Yeah, well,

- I wish they'd do it again. - Yeah...

Yeah, well I figured there'd be a few caps left to tide me off. I'm dyin'.

Hey uhm, there's gotta be some place to crash around here, right?

Yeah, there's this creep at the Digger's Cafe,

says he'll give you some bread to go home with him.

So why don't you?

Tried, says baby hookers just turn him off.

Been making it longer than he has.

How old are you?

You know, fourteen.

Hey uh...

I gotta go now, I'll see you.

Hey wait, wait. Don't you want this?

What're you writing?

I don't remember.

Yeah, well I bet it's really far out stuff.

See later, Alice.

OK diary, it's happened.

Damn, we didn't even last a month.

Dallas to Phoenix to L.A.

No jobs anywhere but plenty of dope.

How you pay for it is something else.

Use your imagination, the man said,

and...

e- even that doesn't work sometimes.

After a while you don't even know what you're buying.

Pure acid turns out to be horse tranquilizer.

I got on a jag with speed.

Didn't eat for five days.

Gotta stay away from the hard stuff.

Sometimes grass just doesn't make it for me.

Chris likes heroin but it makes me too sick.

Little Alice searches for the perfect drug.

Still not sure if I'm pregnant, none of us takes that pill...

'cause even if we had it we'd never know what day it is.

Chris and I found a place to crash.

Weird lady, weird man but, can't be that choosy.

They... they keep their dope in candy dishes.

Oh God, how... how do we get out of here?

We're... we're like... prisoners.

They- they just got Chris in the other room. I- I can hear the screaming.

We're just about booked out. Are you coming or going?

Uhm, well,

- I'm not Catholic. - Neither are they. You.

Uhm...

Someone at the Diggest Café said that there was,uhm,

a priest here who...

who knew bad kids.

- Knew what? - Just knew.

I think he knew more about winos and drunks...

but they are kind of outnumbered now.

You want some coffee?

No, uhm, here, I wanted to show you some...

Let me, please.

Whatever.

Hear, I'm sorry, it's...

it's just that it...

my diary.

Well, I'm a priest.

Come on.

Hey man, remember when we felt beautiful?

About a hundred years ago?

Did you get to read it?

Parts of it.

You... couldn't...

Well,

like you say...

you're not Catholic.

Wasn't really meant to be a confession,

'cept maybe to yourself.

When you start worrying about what makes good reading,

you might quit writing this stuff.

I can't even look at it, I tried to and...

Yeah, you tried.

It... it made me sick, I...

I am sick.

I... look, I need something.

- Like what? - (Groans)

Another expert opinion.

What... oh, right, alright, uh...

I gotta stop, but I can't.

I tried a month ago and I can't- I can't stay off of it.

I like it.

I wanna live without it.

Then you'll have to live with this.

- It's your choice. - Father.

It's your choice.

Oh, father.

- One of you gets this. - And the other one is "it".

- It's all right, it's all right. - Father.

It's over, they're gone, they're gone.

Just like it was that time. Could...

So we... we were there for three days.

Were you?

I don't know.

I don't know anything but what I read.

That's the part that made you sick before.

Maybe...

maybe it never really happened, I mean,

maybe I was...

just so upset that I made the whole thing up,

'cause Chris left.

Do you want an opinion, or do you want an alibi?

Don't hassle me,

do you want me to freak out again?

Uh.. uhm.

Listen.

Isn't it better for me to freak you out,

than brain damage?

I don't- I don't know what would count any more.

That's...

- that's why I came. - I know.

Let the priest put it all together again,

with a little help from the big head-setter in the sky, but don't count on it.

- You're looking for magic. - I'm looking for help!

Then look inside.

Look at the part of you that won't give up.

The part of you that... that stays alive through... through a blackout.

The part of you that won't let you lie to yourself.

Or your diary.

- Did you read it? - I didn't have to read much of it.

I've heard it all.

The thing that makes you different from a lot of the others,

is this:

"At last I have something worthwhile to say".

God knows you do.

Maybe it isn't what you thought you were saying.

But it's enough to break your heart, or your habit.

Can you imagine what some of these kids would write in a diary?

365 pages with "wow" scrawled across every one of them.

Lock this up for now.

And be sure to get another one of these when you get home.

You might as well stay hooked on your good habit.

Home?

Well, sure.

What do you want to do, crash forever, Like him?

The three of us make an odd couple.

Come on, you're in.

This your home phone?

You... please, don't, wait.

Do you want to, or don't you?

Uh... I... I don't wanna make things worse.

Take a chance.

It's their dime.

We'll reverse the charges.

Yeah, uh, operator?

Uhm, area code 513,

the numbers 388 2685, collect, please.

The party calling is Alice,

just... Alice, they'll know... who it is.

Who answered?

Your father, but they're all getting on.

I can't. I can't!

It's all yours, Alice. It's all yours.

Alice?

Are you there? Alice? Alice please, say hello.

- Alice? - Oh, daddy?

Oh, mommy dear,

I love you.

Somehow, diary, I'm gonna make it up to my family.

They don't care what happened, they don't even ask.

They just want to show the whole world that they...

they're behind me. So that it makes three on our side.

Just in case the world's lined up the other way.

Uhh, have you got some stuff?

I mean, you're kidding?

Uh, Oh, hey wait, you're Alice, aren't you?

- Forget it! - Now look, Bill said you'd be holding!

Then tell Bill to forget it too.

Now you're holding. Welcome home.

Now I'm not holding.

God, if you knew how much I wanted those pills.

I'm still shaking but, but I can't blow it now.

Not a second time.

Hey, beth?

- Uh? - I can't wait for your party on Saturday night.

- Did you get me a college guy, too? - Oh, sure.

- I'll see you later, bye! - Bye!

Hi!

Hey, uh, congratulations.

Is... is Bud around?

Well, he won't be here 'till to the party. Uhm.

Hey, that's OK.

I'm sorry.

- Look, fair is fair I didn't invite you to my party. - That's not why.

It's just that everybody in the school knows who's on and who's off now.

Yeah...

It's like two different worlds.

I mean, once you get a reputation...

I mean, it's just that, straight kids are so outnumbered, Alice.

And they just get suspicious.

Yeah, and, uh....

Users are so paranoid they can't stand having any straight ones around.

Makes feel a lot of fun.

Look, I really wish I could invite you, I just can't, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah I understand.

Well diary, you're still are the only friend I have.

It's awfully cold out here in no man's land.

Even Chris is lucky.

Her parent has moved away after she got home and let her start all over again.

Well, Jan? What army are you feeding this weekend?

Uh, a whole crowd.

Including Alice if she does break down and socialize a little.

Well, she uh, she gets a lot studying on the new sitter's job.

But maybe she's being too conscientious, we'll try to persuade her.

All work and no play...

Why don't you give up Alice?

Get off for your high horse.

Or your uh... horse high?

Well, bye, it was really nice seeing you again, goodbye.

I'm gonna lose my mind.

Mom and dad tell me it to be a good judge of character.

Sometimes I wonder how do they made it to the age that they are.

It... it's like I've been part of some giant spy ring that won't let go of me.

Don't they realize that the more they put me on the spot,

the harder it is for me not to talk to my parents or... or someone.

Alice?

How are you, Alice?

- Ohhh, what're you doing, babysitting? - Oh, hey Jen, you're all wet.

So... Mrs. Carson called me when you didn't show up and asked me to...

come over and, uh, I just put the baby down so keep it down.

What? I'm gonna get 'er up, that's my job.

It's not your job anymore so stay away from the baby.

Oh, look it! She's laughing when I'm bouncing around,

she doesn't want to sleep!

- How 'bout a... a little music? - Jan, come here!

- Baby! - Oh, shut up!

Do you want me to call your family?

- If you try that, you- - Get out!

No, you get out! Look, I'm taking over...

this is my territory, my territory!

This is my book,

this is my piano,

my stereo, my pillow!

Will you please come get Jan? She's crazy, she's...

What you're doing?

N-no!

Get out, please!

I think you handled it absolutely right.

Exactly. What else could you have done?

- Would you like some more coffee? - No, thanks.

A lot of work from Jan Meeker point of view.

Could have gone over her mother's head to the authorities.

And we still can if she stirs anything up.

You promised me that if I told you you wouldn't...

The promise still stands, but let's try and be realistic about this.

I can't get you an overnight transfer just because...

a couple of anti-social kids want to drive you out of school.

I think that it makes more sense to stand up to Jan Meeker.

Whatever mistakes your friends think you made,

I can't believe that they'll side with her on this one.

Any sane person would understand that... you were responsible for that baby.

Kids like that don't understand anything.

I'm damn glad my kids aren't like that.

Are you kidding, daddy? I was worse.

I mean, don't you know what it was all about?

I don't wanna know.

What dad means is that it's, uhm, that it's forgotten.

Yeah, I know what dad means.

The point is that you're a different person now, you're strong, an adult,

and we're with you.

And when that crowd finally realizes that you really mean business,

you'll get their respect, too.

Uhm, thanks for walking me to school.

Listen, I could walk you home if you want.

Anytime.

Hey, thanks!

Hey watch out there you don't want to push the fink down the stairs.

What would you do if they put a roach down your father's car, fink?

Fink.

Hey, Alice,

what's the matter? Can't you take it?

Hey Listen, uh, like a little something to calm your nerves?

It will make you feel really fine.

Oh you know your little brother? Your little baby brother?

I think uh, before you quit school you better tell...

your baby brother not to take candy from people he doesn't know.

You go near him, or you even try it, I'll kill you! I mean it Jan, I'll kill you.

Hey, have you seen my dad?

Uhm, no, As a matter of fact I was just looking around for him myself.

I think he may have gone home for the day.

If I bump into him is there a message you'd like to leave, or something?

No, uhm...

I won't bother with it.

Wait a second!

It's funny how I've divided the whole world into freaks and straights for so long.

I forgot there were other kinds of people around.

I went through a similar thing,

couple of years ago.

With my parents, you know, but it was... but I didn't... didn't feel like I had to...

to relate them everything about it, you know, I mean,

is there other ways you can talk to your parents.

What are the things you can talk to them about, they don't have to know everything about you.

Did you have somebody to talk to?

You know, my friends.

I... I guess that's the trouble, I mean, I...

I... I can't talk to the kids who use dope, because....

they're afraid of me, that I'll turn them in and I know too much,

I can't... talk to the kids... who never used dope because...

they're scared of me because I've used dope, and...

the whole point is that I'm scared, I came to daddy's office this morning, because...

because what happened today in school is gonna keep on happening and...

and it won't stop. They'll do something to Tim.

They'll put dope in daddy's car, they'll... they'll...

they're angry, they're angry at me because I turned them in.

I mean, I'm... I'm worse than their parents now.

I stand for everything that they...

that they hate, that, the reason they take dope,

they're copping out from what's real...

And what you wanna do?

I guess I just need someone else to talk to.

I'll play that way.

Hey, thanks.

So, uhm you'll be working over the weekend?

Uhm, yeah, I'm baby sitting for the Larsens all weekend.

- A little extra cash always comes in handy. - Yeah...

I normally work until Saturday. Uhm, nine o'clock.

Uhm,

listen, you think it'd be OK if I step by?

- Saturday? - Yeah.

What for?

You know, watch TV, uhm, talk...

Alice, what I'm trying to do is ask you for a date.

Oh.

I guess what's- what's strange about John is that he really does,

the things Ritchie pretended to do. He works hard, he likes it, supports himself,

cares about people.

♪ Something to make us all happy.

♪ Do anything to take us out of this gloom.

No!

♪ Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy.

- WHISPERING -

Doctor Benjamin to Orthopedics, Doctor Benjamin.

But we need more than some kind of recognition to establish...

how much memory is available.

We profess that medical recommendations in these case,

depend on the patient's verbal response.

The more direct and significant your contact with her,

the better for all of us.

Well,

just us today.

That means you're better, honey.

You're well enough to tell us how you are.

If... you wanna just nod until you're ready,

it's OK for opening.

Y...you know, like, we've been trying with the doctor.

G- Give us a nod.

Come on.

You can see us and hear us.

Sh-Show us you know who we are.

And that we love you.

Do you know that we love you, darling?

How can she answer that? It's not the right kind of question.

Yes it was.

Alice...

Doctor Siegel, to radiology. Doctor Siegel.

Can you remember things now?

Try to remember what happened that night.

There's a... There's a special reason we need to have you answer now,

it's... uh... legal really, as well as medical. You.

Dad will explain it to you.

It's... uhm...

more or less a formality, there's...

gonna be an... hearing... of sorts, and,

the... the only complication is that...

your...

Well, two of the girls in school, they, uh,

well, they... they said that you've been...

selling... this LSD that you took....

to all of them all along.

We don't believe it.

Alice, we're going to swear to our belief in you against every last one of them, we're going to...

we're going to swear to the change in you since you've been home and your work...

and your attitude and everything.

And... and how that... that whole school crowd upset you...

and they ke... they kept after you.

If we had a... clue...

as to where you got the stuff you took at the Larsen's...

No... no...

She... she's trying to tell us, she wants to.

I... I... I can't... No, uh, I can't.

They're crawling again, They're...

they're going to eat me, they're crawling.

- They're crawling. - Take the doctor.

they're going to eat me, they're crawling.

No, honey, it'alright, it's alright... -No...

Doctor, Doctor, please.

- No, please, please, they're crawling. - No, it's alright,

I'm sorry.

We're better now for today.

Please, stop, please.

Please, they're crawling again, please, stop it, please.

Good morning, Alice.

One of your friends told your family you might like to take that to the clinic with you.

Locked out.

Only for your own viewing. Just for you.

If it's true that you still keep the diary.

What friend?

Oh, I'm not sure, let me see if I have a note here.

Any Idea of who'd might be?

A boy, a girl...

someone older?

Someone at school?

No friends there.

Miss Beth Baum.

I didn't do it,

it was in the drink.

Please tell the kids,

I didn't do it, please tell them that, please.

Alice, look at me, and try to make me understand so I can tell Beth.

I... uh, just went to the refrigerator, and I... I opened the door and I...

there was a bottle...

of drink there and I... I took it out and it was... it was half-empty and I...

took the drink and I... and I took the formula...

And I... and I went into the living room and I sat down and...

and then I started to give the formula to the...

- Oh, the baby! - The baby is alright.

Nothing happened to the baby.

She was asleep in the crib.

You left the baby in the crib and locked yourself into the closet.

- Whatever for? - To stay away from her!

You did not harm the baby.

You harmed yourself.

It's a bum trip...

Bum trip and a half.

I thought that I was... buried...

w- without a coffin,

and I... and I tried to...

- s- scratch my way out, uhm... - Yes.

To kick and claw...

Doctor Siegel, Doctor Siegel please report to surgery.

Guess I even tried to use my head against the door.

Yes, your skull was fractured.

Yes, some door, uh?

But only a door.

No coffin?

Am I leaving alive?

No one died, Alice.

After all...

I guess I'm really back.

Well, live and learn diary, this use center is probably the first sensible thing...

that's happened to me since I started drugs.

Like, uh, I come from a small town...

and, uhm, I hadn't heard about drugs at all, you know,

and, you know, alright I hadn't been around it that much,

and then you know my parents started with this, you know...

everytime I had come home, they'ld started checking me out, you know,

check'in my eyes and everything. And, uh,

They were the first ones that ever, you know, really...

I.. I, you know, I knew about drugs, but, they really made me aware of drugs, you know,

like the pills, the grass...

Seems crazy now that I'm straight,

and that's how it all started.

You know, like...

A couple of my buddies, we heard about glue and...

and bam we all got blasted.

Like it was so green,

like I thought the first one left with some kind of high.

- I really dug it. - Still do.

Dig sniffing glue?

- No, that first lift. - He just told you. He digs being straight.

I know what he just told me,

but he's getting high just talking about getting high,

you're getting high off his high and I'm getting high off your high...

and it's one big contact high.

We think we're having this great rap session and...

and really we're no better than anyone who sniffs, cor.

It just doesn't go anywhere.

Hey, look Alice,

don't get mad.

look,

I can get us a mixed bag. you know, just for the two of us.

No,

I really don't want to.

For the first time in- in my dumb life, I... I think I meant that.

I know I'll always be one pill away from being an addict again.

But, if I can just keep turning down that same pill,

I'll be OK.

Goodbye.

Most hopeless of places where I finally learned to hope...

Learn to... take apart nightmares,

and put together a life.

Even learn to forget about people who forget about me,

like Joel.

But it doesn't matter.

Nothing matters now except, going home.

- Not bad if I say so myself.

- Oh! Pretty! - Where are the candles?

Ah, ah! No candles, I said there could be a party without candles, without cake,

and no... and no singing. And I cook all the food.

Hmm. That's not bad, as long as you don't do your cooking the way Beth does.

listening to, uh, foreign language records simultaneously.

One of these days she is gonna make, uhm, lasagna topped with chocolate moose.

Ah, you'll be the first one to try it, Bud.

At the center the food was so bad we had to have contests to jazz it up,

you know, like, uh, peanut butter and whipped cream, on salami.

- Did you ever try, uh, turnips and yogurt? - Your cute!

- Come on Beth. - Save some for the party, uh.

Uhm, what are your plans about School and everything now?

Oh I don't know, I guess the same as my plans about life, just...

take it as it comes.

You know, how I was gonna say, it's different now.

Because of us.

But, what it really boils down to, is that you really did it yourself.

I guess there's something about...

living through the worst that can happen, that- that once it's really over...

oh, I hope it's over...

I don't think I could live through that again.

Once is enough for anybody, but you really did it Alice.

Yeah, with the help of my friends, uh.

Alice?

There's somebody here to see you.

Happy birthday.

- It was really good. - Thanks.

You know, I, uh...

I really feel crummy about the last couple of months, not writing you or anything.

I didn't have any right to expect that you would.

It's just that...

well, when it comes right down to it, I.

I guess I was afraid.

I mean,

I knew you had a lot of things going on inside you, and,

a lot of problems, you know, and so do I, uh, I guess everybody does.

It's just that...

I.. I just didn't know if I...

was willing to take on the responsibility for somebody else.

I... I know.

Anyway,

what I wanna say is... is that I, I don't feel that way anymore.

And I... I don't blame you if you're sore at me.

I'm...

I mean it,

it's no way to start a relationship, if you really care about somebody.

And I do care about you.

I... I guess the problem is, is that I...

I don't know how to start a relationship, I, uh...

I don't talk very well except to my diary and...

I've done a lot of things with a lot of men but I was always...

really stoned...

I guess I don't know,

if I can have a relationship with someone and be just... me.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

I guess Joel is about the best birthday present...

any seventeen year old girl named Alice could ask for.

But as nice as he is,

I hope I don't learn on him the way I... did with drugs.*

It scares me when I... when I still find myself thinking about a high.

It's a fear I've got to live with.

Oh, well, tomorrow is a new day,

and finally back to school.

I think I've come to... a decision.

Yeah? You look like you've come to some sort of decision.

- It's about my diary. - Yeah?

Uh, I just finished the second one and, I really don't have time for it anymore and...

and besides I don't... I don't think I need it.

Could be.

In the fall of her last year in high school our daughter died of an overdose of drugs.

We were never able to find out what the drugs were...

or whether or not they were self-administered.

Since she had stopped keeping a diary several months before...

we had no clues as to why she died.

We have discovered since then...

that she was one of almost five thousand drug deaths that year.

And so we... decided to make her diary public, because...

we feel she would have wanted us to.

♪ And your mind is moving low...

♪ Go ask Alice...

♪ I think she'll know...

♪ when the logic and proportion...

♪ have fallen sloppy dead...

♪ remember, what the dormouse said...

♪ "Feed your head!", "Feed your head!"...