All language subtitles for 420.Massacre.2018.HDRip.AC3.X264-CMRG

You said it was one uphill.

- Oh God shut up!
- And a bunch of downhill.

- This is like the third uphill.

Like, I thought it would
be kind of, mostly down.

- Why would you think that?
- I don't know.

- It's a mountain.
- Yeah.

I didn't think it was that big.

I'm sweatin' my balls off, here.

Are we gettin' close
to this place or what?

- We're closer than we were.

Hand me the map.

- Now if you ask me,

you've got us on a
wild goose chase.

- Oh, well lucky no
one's asking you.

Now, if my calculations
are accurate,

and I know for a fact they are,

pot of gold should be right
between them hills, there.

Come on, Buddy.

Move your ass.

Come on, let's go.
- Alright, alright.

Them hills are so far away, Dug.

You know somethin, Dug?

I'm startin' to have some
reservations about all this.

Stealin' is stealin', no
matter how you slice it.

- Look around you, Buddy.

All this here is designated
National Forest.

Therefore as American citizens,
whatever grows out here

is just as much ours
as anybody else's.

It says so in the Constitution.

Besides, we're stealin'
from criminals

so it don't count the same.

- Yeah, if they're the
criminals though,

what's that make us?

- Opportunists.

- No, I don't like that.

I mean we're
stealin' from stuff,

we're begging for trouble

if we're gonna be stealin'...
- Shh, shh, shh.

Shut up your yappin' ass up!

- What? What's wrong?

- You tellin' me you don't
see that behind that tree?

- See what?
- There.

It was somethin' strange.

- What like a critter?

- No, bigger than that.

It was like the forest
come alive for a second.

Nothing.

- Hey man...

Hey, you dehydrated, man.

Here I got something for
you to wet your whistle.

Some water here.

This is what I'm talkin' about,

this is bad news bein' out here.

If them stories are true...

Hold up, hold up.

Wait, wait, wait, wait for me.

I'm not the one that ate

the last granola bar, asshole.

- I got hungry, man.

Shouldn't leave them in my bag.

Why'd you put them in my bag

if you knew I was
gonna eat them?

You know hungry I get.
- Can't carry that much weight.

- Hey man, look it's not too
late to just double back.

Like, we can go home,
have a couple beers,

rub one out, not
together, separately.

What do you say,
man, you listening?

Are you even listening to me?

- I ain't listening to
a word you are saying.

- Oh, oh!

- Do you see what
I'm talkin' about?

That's what I'm talkin' about!

Holy shit!

Caught them right
at harvest, too.

What the hell are
you waitin for?

A written invitation?

Pack that shit up.

I wanna go look at
the rest of this.

- Yes, sir.
- Oh yeah!

Buddy it goes back and oh shit.

Yeah, oh you're a
pretty one ain't ya?

- I'm gon call you Mary.

I'm gon call you Jane.

- Oh, goddamn.

Oh, yeah!

Don't mind me, I'm just
sampling the merchandise.

- Dude, there's
somebody behind you.

- Where?

- Well, there was.

But he's not there now.

But he was, I saw somebody.

At least I thought I did.

- What the hell is
the matter with you?

Are you trying to give
me a heart attack?

- I'm sorry, Dug.

I didn't mean to scare you.

- Jackass.

- Alright, I'm finished.

Let's get the hell out
of here before...

Hey man, where'd you go?

Hey, come on man,
this ain't funny.

Dug?

Dug, come on man, how much
of that weed did you smoke?

Oh no, no!

- Alrighty kids, look alive.

We're walkin' the
rest of the way.

- This isn't it?

- No, it's further inland.

- You mean there's no
roads to get there?

- Where we're goin'
we don't need roads.

- Back to the future!

- Ah, yeah you got it!

I knew you'd get it.

- Yeah, what'd you think
was gonna happen?

- I don't know, I thought
we'd pull up to the

campsite and be done with it.

I didn't realize you guys
were gonna be so hardcore.

- So, how far are
we talkin' here

because all this gear
doesn't exactly look light.

- Well we can take turns
carrying the heavy stuff.

- Okay, that's great
but how far is it?

- It's like, what would
you guesstimate?

- I don't know, maybe
three, four miles at most.

- Yeah, that sounds about right.

- Do you two even know
where we're goin?

- Oh, ye of little faith.

- Remember I've been on your
little excursions before.

- And I have never
gotten us lost.

- I can bring up
specific examples.

- Yeah, bite me.

Morning, sunshine.

- Are we there yet?

- No such luck.

- Bummer.

- Yeah, so would you mind?

Are you serious?

- I'm ready.

- Damn, you really do smoke a
lot of weed, you know that?

- More than some,
less than others.

Perspective's an
interesting concept.

- Yeah, I don't know about that.

But I've known some
burn outs in my day

and I'm pretty sure you can
smoke them all under the table.

- Well, keep in mind,
I don't normally

blaze up this much.

It just so happens
to be a holiday.

- A holiday?

You Jewish or something?

- I'm pretty sure she's
talking about 420.

- That's right.

- Thanks for the help, guys.

- Sorry.
- Sorry, Aubrey.

- So, check it out,

I really want to get there
before we lose anymore daylight.

- Let's go, I've been
waitin' on your asses.

- Let's do this.

- Does everybody have
everything they need?

Speak now or forever
hold your peace.

Alright, let's blow
this Popsicle stand.

- Woo, Popsicles sound good!

- Ah, what we will do for booze.

- I know, right.

You sure this is the right way?

- Yes, you keep asking me that.

I know it's gorgeous, isn't it?

- I can't wait to
get in bed, though.

- We're almost there.

- I am telling you
about this place.

Super creepy.

It's like a spooktacular
horror movie.

Oh, you know the one where the
campers take the wrong turn

and then they get
hacked up by...

- Can we talk about
something else, please?

It's bad enough we're thousands
of miles from civilization,

I don't need you putting
anymore ideas in my head.

- Don't trip, we're not
that far off the grid.

- Famous last words.

So, what's you're deal?

You rent out half of Jess's
duplex or something?

- Yeah, I met her after
college, after I graduated.

I was couch surfing and
you could kind of say

she adopted me.

So, who are you here with?

- I'm here with Rachel.
- Ah.

- Well, I mean she invited me.

We work together and
she somehow convinced

me to tag along.

She can be very persuasive.

- I bet she can be.

- So that's your latest
conquest I take it?

- Hmm, Oh.

I'd say the jury's
still out but yeah,

I'd say it's lookin' up.

- You are such a
player, you know that?

- Okay, I'm not a
player, I'm a romantic.

- A romantic?
- Yeah.

- Oh is that what they call it?

- Ugh, damn, when you were little
and your legs were shorter

did it take you a whole
week to get here or what?

- So when you were
younger and your sarcasm

was a little more in check,

were you more pleasant
to be around?

- You know, you're lucky
that Jess here is your girl.

I mean, with all that
trash you're talkin'

I wouldn't want to embarrass you

and have to lay the smack down.

- Shut up.
- Oh, boy.

- Hey, I thought you said
we couldn't drive out here.

- I did, we still can't.

- Well, what makes
them so special?

- Shit, shit, shit,
it's the fuzz!

- No, actually it's
just the forest ranger.

- Oh my God.
- Okay, he's stopping.

- What are you girls
doing out here?

Are you lost?

- No, we're just on our
way up to Higgins Creek.

- Right.

- Yeah, we're gonna camp
there for the weekend.

- All five of you are out
here by your lonesome, huh?

- Is that a problem?

- No, just feel a whole
lot better if you

weren't out here by yourself.

- I'm sorry, what was
your name officer?

- Officer.

What do you take me
for, being a pig?

- No, I'm sorry, sir, it's
just you have the bad...

- Sir; that's even
worse, call me Rick.

Ranger Rick. - Hi, ranger Rick.

- Is something funny?

- No sir, Mr...

Mr. Rick. - Ranger Rick.

- Yeah, I'll take
your word for it.

- So, you ladies out here
to give me some trouble?

- Oh, no, we're just,

we're just camping for my
best friends birthday.

- Oh, thanks for that.

- Oh, it's your birthday, huh?

- That's what they tell me.

- Well, I guess I can't
stop you from going ahead

and doing what you want to do.

- Yeah, that's right.

- But, I would be
remiss if I didn't

give you some sound
advice before

you skip on your merry way.

Would you happen to have a beer
down there in the ice chest?

Ah, thank you.

Whoa.

Cheers.

Oh, nothing like a cold
one, I swear to God.

Oh, God that's the ticket.

Pardon me.

Alright now, where were we?

Oh yeah, listen.

I want you to stay on
the trails, alright?

Use the designated
camping spots,

read all the signs
that are posted

and most importantly, you
stay out of them damn hills.

Or else. - Or else what?

- We have an issue up here
with guerrilla growers.

- Nice!

- Guerrilla growers?
- Mm-hmm.

- What are those?
- Pot farmers.

- This whole area is
perfect conditions

for growing that
shit, apparently.

A lot of nooks and crevices
they hide the stuff in.

D.A. boys do everything they can

but it's a real
exercise in futility.

Take down one farm, another
one just pops right up.

It's like clock work.

- Come on, man.

What are a bunch of old
hippie farts gonna do to us?

- Now, that's where
you're mistaken.

These aren't some stoned out,

pass-me-the-doobie,
hippie types.

These are cold blooded
gangsters running a business

and the crops are the investment

and they'll protect that
investment at all costs

up to and even
including violence.

- Are you serious?

- Like a heart attack.

We had some campers missing
a couple of days ago.

We searched and
couldn't find anything,

maybe they fell off a cliff,
maybe mauled by a bear.

But my suspicion is: they got
their snouts into something

they shouldn't have and now
they're buried in a shallow

grave right up there in
those hills, rotting away.

It would really break my heart

if anything happened
to you girls.

Alright, so please just
stay on the trail,

read all the signs
that are posted,

and for God sake, stay
out of those hills.

Okay?

You understand right?

You understand?

- Yes, sir.

- Alright, Higgins Creek, right?

Alright down here a
couple of licks,

go to the fork in the,

listen, do you have a map?

- Oh, no.

- No, well that instills a great
deal of confidence in me.

- Well we've been going
there since we were kids

so we know...
- Yeah, just the same,

I'd feel a whole lot
better if you'd take this.

Am I right?

Here, this is my birthday
present for you.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

Alright ladies, be on your
way before I change my mind.

- Yeah, don't mention it.

- How long is it gonna
take to get to this place?

- I know, I feel like we've
been walking forever.

- This is some bullshit!

- Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,

you guys, I'm getting really
tired of all the complaining.

I've told you, we'll
be there soon.

- Yeah, well that's the problem.

You keep saying that but soon
never seems to get there.

- I'm sorry you feel that way.

- It's not about feeling
a damn way, it's a fact.

- Look, what do you
want me to do about it?

- Jess, do you know if
this is the right way

or you're just going along
with what Aubrey's saying?

And be honest.

- Well,

I mean, it does seem
to be taking a while.

But, I do recognize all of this.

- Yeah but do you remember it
taking this long to get there?

We should've been
there by now, right?

- It kinda feels that way.
- I fucking knew it.

Where's the damn map?

- Look, for your information,
I remember just fine

and we're going the right way.

Give her the map.

- I may have sweated
on it a little.

- Ugh, what did he
do with this thing?

- You probably don't
want to know.

- I can't make heads
or tails of this.

- Here.

So we started here and
we want to go here.

- Okay, I got it.

So where's that put us now?

- That's a good question.

- You gotta be
fucking kidding me.

- What the hell was that?

- Where is that coming from?

- It's probably just a animal.

- Think it's in front of us.

- Should we run?

- No, no, we don't
want to do that.

- What if it's a bear?

- Or a Saskwatch?

- This isn't funny!
- Who's laughing?

- I say we make a run for it.

- No, what if we do and
Big Foot or whatever

freaks out and
starts charging us?

- I thought that saskwatches
were supposed to avoid people?

- I don't know what they do.

But do you really want to
roll the dice and find out?

Everyone stand behind me.

- I don't hear anything anymore.

- I don't either.

Do you think it went away?

- I think so.

- Help!

Help me! Help me!

- Hey, buddy, what's
your problem?

- How'd you know my name?

- What?

- Stay away from me.

- You're the one that's
trippin' out on us, man.

- Stay away from me!

Stay away! - Okay, that was fun.

Can we go now?

- Yeah, good idea.

- Come on.

Jess.

- Jess, come on.

- It's okay, it's
alright, I got this.

- Screw that, look at him!

He's clearly looney toons.

Hey, buddy.

Buddy, is that your name?

- That's what people call me.

- They call you Buddy?

Well that's kind of funny.

Why do people call you that?

- Because I'm everybody's buddy.

Wanna know something? - Hmm?

- Dug was my buddy.

- Oh.

- He's dead now.

He was my bestest buddy
in the whole world

and now he's dead!

And now Dug is dead!

- Hey, hey.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

Can you tell me what happened?

- It happened out there.

In the forest.

Dug saw him first.

It was a monster or a demon
and he was hunting us

and we were the prey
and it got Dug.

It got Dug and now
it's coming for me.

It's coming for me!

- Stay with me, here.

Stay with me, okay?

Buddy, why would someone
want to kill you?

- The weed.

- Did he just say the weed?

Whoa.

- Holy crapballs!

- Take it.
- Yeah, Jess, Jess,

oblige the guy. - No, no, no.

You heard what Ranger Rick said.

What if he stole that?

- That's his problem, that's
got nothing to do with us.

You know like, like, like
finders keepers and shit!

- Take it, take it, take
it, please take it!

Please, please!

Now it's your weed.

And that means you're next.

You're all next.

You're all next!

- What a weirdo.
- Whoa.

- Fuck yeah, that
weirdo hooked it up!

That is a thing of
beauty right there.

There's gotta be at least like a

there's a butt load
of weed in this bag!

- Wow, yep, that's
a lot of weed.

- Guys, guys!

We need to go find Ranger
Rick and tell him about this.

- What?
- Come on, Jess.

Are you really that gullible?

- Hey, you heard the guy.

There could be a dead or a
dying person out there.

- Okay, I heard him
but he wasn't exactly

firing off on all
cylinders, now was he?

- Yeah, that dude was fucked
up on some gnarly mushrooms

or something. - Yeah, exactly.

So whatever his deal was or is,

I say let it not
ruin our weekend.

That is if you can ever
figure out where we're going.

- Like I said, we're here.

And if we just take
the fork up the hill,

we'll be right there.

- Uh-huh.

- So you guys wanna
go or you wanna

stand around here all day?

- It's your show, Ace.
- Thank you.

- Congratulations.

- Hey, Jess, you comin?
- Yeah.

Does anyone know

any good Dead Baby Jokes?

- Oh my God!

- Have any of you guys ever
had sex while camping?

- Not yet.
- No.

- Well, trust me, it's intense.

- Ha, ha, ha, ha.

- Okay, what about this one?

What do you get when the
mafia crosses the road?

- What?

- Forget about it, huh?

- Ha, ha!

- Okay, what do you get
whenever you cross a-

- Okay, I vote no more, please.

- Yeah, no more.

- But this one's really good.

Whoa, is that what
I think it is?

- Where the hell
have you taken me?

- Hey, stop shooting!

There are people over here!

- Hey, did y'all see that?

That's a quick little
bastard, isn't he?

Man, did y'all see where
that jack rabbit went?

- No and don't you know it's
illegal to hunt out here?

- Don't you worry, honey.

This here is just some buckshot.

- Well in that case.

- Yeah, you could've
killed someone!

- Oh my gosh, I'm
terribly sorry ladies.

Any you broads get hit?
- Luckily, no.

- Okay, then, I guess we got
nothing left to discuss.

- Yeah we do.

Bet it makes you feel
like a real tough guy,

killing and torturing
little animals, huh?

- Can we not do this?
- Why, fuck that guy!

- You got something
you wanna say to me?

- Yeah, plenty.

And if you weren't lugging
around that piece

of male compensation I would
tell you how I really feel.

- What are you, one of
them big city libtards,

who don't believe in freedom?

- Oh no, on the contrary, I
believe you can do whatever the

hell you want as long as you
don't behave like an asshole.

- Let me tell you something,
as long as I got my rights,

I'm going to exercise them,
whether you like it or not.

- Yeah, what about our
right not to die?

- Well that all depends.

You armed? - Obviously, no.

- Well if you had any
sense, you would.

Trust me, get your ass a gun.

Legally or illegally,
it don't matter.

Because the government,
nor the police,

nor your daddy, nor no
one is gon protect you.

- You need to like get high
and chillax are something.

Here, here...

My gift to you. - What are you,

the weed fairy? - Yeah, why not?

You must give to
receive, as they say.

- What you got here?

A little reefer?

- Just take it, it's yours.

Just do us a favor,

just stop hunting and
shooting and stuff, alright?

It's 420, you shouldn't go out
of your way to kill things.

You got something
to smoke that with?

- Yeah, got me a lighter.

- Alright.

Oh, hell yeah, you're
all set right there.

You can just like
roll that shit up

and smoke that blunt like a G.

- Like a what now?

- Nevermind, you just...

Take a cigar and you're
gonna split it right down

the middle, hollow
out the tobacco,

when you're left with
all the paper stuff,

just roll it on up like a
joint, you're good to go.

- Hmm, alright, much obliged.

- Just remember our deal.

Puff, puff don't bang, bang.

And that's how you
resolve conflict.

- Yeah it's great.

Now we got some nut
job carrying a gun,

high out of his mind
wandering around here.

You totally made us safe.

- Aw, weed doesn't
work that way.

He's gonna smoke it and
not wanna do shit.

- Yes, I do.

Ugh, oh my gosh.

- Yes, please.

Oh, this feels so good.

It's so quiet out here.

It's kinda nice, actually.

- I think that's the
first positive thing

you've said since we got here.

- Oh, come on.

I haven't been
complaining that much.

And you have to admit,
that hike was ridiculous.

- Sure, I was just
scared you were gonna

have regrets about coming.

- Not yet.

No, I'm actually really
glad you dragged me along.

- See, I knew you'd come around.

Now imagine once we bust out
the sleeping bags and we just

lay here all night with
the stars above our head.

- Are you high?

I'm not sleepin' outside.

That's what we brought
the tent for, right?

- You have no sense
of adventure.

Ugh, this bug needs
to get away from me.

- Alright ladies, I'd
love to sit here

and recharge my batteries
with the rest of you guys

but we have to set up
camp and I'm sure as hell

not gonna do it by myself.

- You're such a slave driver.
- I know.

It's just as soon as we get
this off our shoulders,

the sooner we can party.

- Amen to that!

But can we eat first?

Seriously, I'm starving.

I'm so hungry I
could eat a horse.

- How bout some lips and
assholes instead, huh?

- That's disgusting.

- Yummy.

- So, you guys set the tent up

and I'll grill these puppies up.

What do you say?

- It works for me.
- Cool.

- Does anyone want a beer?
- Yes!

- So, I think this
thing goes up.

- Oh yeah, it looks
like they're supposed

to get into each other. - Okay.

- Oh, yeah here it is.

- One step done.

- Okay, I got it.
- Oh, you do?

- Yes, okay, so snap
all these things on

and then go to the bottom.

- Hey, you did it, good job.

- Yay you figured it out!

- How's it goin?

- Good.

How's the dogs?

- I think it's gonna be
another minute or two.

What I actually meant
is how is that goin?

- We practically
grew up together.

- So?

- So, I don't wanna
screw that up.

Plus, I never really
told her anything.

So I just wanna make sure
she has a good birthday.

Period, end of story.

- Well if you ask me, I
think you should make like.

Young MC and bust a move.

- I'll keep that
in mind, thanks.

- Oh shit, can you
grab me that plate?

It's burning on the side.

- I can't wait to blaze you up.

- I'm surprised you
haven't done it already.

- Oh, it's coming.

I'm just waiting for
the right time.

- What's the right time?
- 4:20, of course.

- Oh, right, of course.

- I just think it's a
crying shame that you

are not going to partake.

- Hey, I don't mind pot.

It's just never been my jam.

You know, I've tried it and
got really really paranoid.

Then I just spaced
out and passed out.

Just not fun for me.

But I don't care
if you guys do it.

Go ahead.

Smoke, be happy.

- Yeah but that's the thing.

Your birthday is on 4-20.

You do realize that right? - No.

- So what do you do instead?

You reject it?

- Reject what?

- Your destiny.

- If the opportunity
presented itself, maybe.

But, even then I don't
know what I'd do or say.

- Okay, you know this
might sound crazy,

but you should just
tell her how you feel.

- Just tell her.
- No, the fuckin' Easter Bunny.

Yes, tell Jess.

Don't be ridiculous.

- Do I look like I
need love advice?

- Frankly, yes.

I mean from my vantage point,

you look like a
scared little girl

that's willing to
wait on the sidelines

and watch the parade
of life pass her by.

- That's a little harsh.

- Well the truth
can be that way.

- All I'm saying is,
with all the bad shit

that's happened on 4-20,
we need a person like you

smoking out to keep
things balanced.

- Wait, I'm lost.

Why is 4-20 a bad day?

- Lot's of reasons.

I mean, you do know
what historical figure

was born on this
very day, right?

I assume you know.

- Oh, no I never
heard that before.

- Well then don't say anything.

Would you care to
venture a guess?

- Hmm, Bob Marley?

- No, that's an urban legend.

No, it wasn't Jim
Morrison either.

- Try to think of someone
a little more genocidey.

- I don't know, I give up.

- Adolf Hitler?
- Wow!

You share a birthday
with Hitler, really?

- Mm-hm, sucks right?

- There's a bunch of
other jacked up shit

that's happened on 420.

Which is why it's
our collective duty

to blaze up on this day.

- What in God's name
are you talkin' about?

- I don't know if she'd
go for someone like me.

- Look, it's gonna
come down to this,

you're gonna have to ask
yourself one simple question.

How badly do you want it?

- What do you mean?

- I mean, how bad do you
want to be with her?

- There's nothing more that
I want in this whole world.

- Okay well then you have it.

Because anyone can get
anything and I mean anything,

provided they want
it badly enough.

- What if I tell her how I feel

and she looks at me like
I'm some kind of freak?

- Look, if she shoots you down

and is too stupid to realize
what a good person you are

then she isn't worth
it, trust me.

- That's nice.
- It's true.

- Okay, no offense, but
I think you may have

officially smoked
yourself retarded.

The lists don't lie, okay?

April 20, 1961, the
Bay of Pigs fiasco.

Huge foreign policy blunder.

April 20, 1993, the Waco Siege.

Lots of people killed
and burned alive.

April 20, 1995,
Oklahoma City Bombing.

Worse attack on US soil
since Pearl Harbor.

April 20, 1999 was the Columbine
High School massacre.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

are you trying to depress
me on my birthday?

- Fine, I will stop there.

But if you dig deeper you're
gonna find a lot more shit,

I can promise you.

That shit's mind
blowing isn't it?

- Sure but what does that
have to do with people

getting high on 4-20?

- To ward off all the bad
vibes and evil spirits.

I mean, think about it.

With all those dark
forces bouncing around.

It almost becomes
imperative that people just

chill the fuck out on 4-20.

That makes sense right?

- Yeah.

- Go ahead, laugh it up.

But by me being loaded,
it's like I am personally

shielding you from all the
potential harm that's out there.

- Oh, thank you.

You're our hero.

- Damn right.

- Hey, come on.
- Come on.

- I'm just jokin'!

- Is she serious?

- God, she's hardcore
about this shit.

- I know, I'm so hungry.

- I'm hungry.

- Wanna grab it?

- Behold a feast.

- Whoa, she is hungry.

- Nice.

- Since Ranger Dickhead
drank half our beer,

I thought we'd class
it up with some...

- Yeah, hotdogs and champagne.

- For you.

Okay, a toast to Jess.

I think that we all can
agree that the world

would be a much
more colorful place

if there were more
people like you in it.

- Don't make me cry.

- But I believe that God
must've really broken the mold

when he made you because
you are one-of-a-kind.

So, I say, screw the
rest of the world.

I think we will keep
you for ourselves.

Happy Birthday, Jess.

- Happy Birthday!

- Love you.

- This is good.

- It is good, I could
use some more.

- Yep, it hits the spot.

- Oo, me too.
- Yes, please.

- I'm gonna get one
of these dogs now.

Don't act like you didn't know.

- Jesus.

Good Lord.

Yep, mm-hmm, yep.

Damn.

That young lady

knew what she was talking about.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Can't we just talk about this?

Go for it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you doin?

- I don't know why I
pictured it somewhere else.

- Woo, man that
really hit the spot.

- Yeah, compliments to the chef.

- Thanks guys, I
really appreciate it

but it's kind of hard
to screw up hotdogs.

I mean, you'd
almost have to try.

- Don't sell your,
short change yourself.

Seriously, it was really good.

- Well, the culinary arts
are my life's passion.

- Really?

I had no idea.

- No.
- I'm kidding!

Seriously, you'd be lucky not
to die of food poisoning.

- Thank you.

- So Aubrey told me you
went back to school.

- Mm-hm.

Taking some PhD classes.

- Doing anything for job?

- Mm-hmm I teach self-defense,
couple nights a week.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Like karate and
kung fu and shit?

- Those are different
things but whatever.

- Well are you any good?

- What teaching?

- No, fighting.

- No.

No, I just do it for exercise.

- Oh no, no, no, no, no
she's just being modest.

Jess can throw down.

For real. - No.

- Yeah right.

- No, I'm serious.

Come on, show her what you got.

- Stop, no.

- I want to see.

I mean, seriously I
don't think you could

actually do something if someone
tried to really hurt you.

- Oh, someone's
talkin' mad shit, yo.

- I mean, come on.

Come on, cupcake.

Come on.

- Show us, show us,
show us, show us.

- It doesn't work like that
I can't just attack you.

- Well, that's lame what's
the point in knowing.

Ninjitsu and shit if you
can't show off a little?

- Look, how bout this?

Rachel you try to restrain her

then you'll see
what she's made of.

- Fine, have it your way.

How'd you do that?

- Just used your,
like a balance,

your momentum against you.

It's pretty easy actually.

- Remind me not to piss you off.

- Let me help.

Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Goddammit.

What the fuck?

- I am officially
switching to water.

Eh I'm a lightweight,
I'll admit it.

- Oh shit, what time is it?

Uh, 4:18.

- Uh-oh, you almost missed it.

- Almost but not quite

and I brought just the thing.
- Oh no what is that?

- You did not bring that.

You carried that
all the way here?

- You should know me by now.

I don't fuck around when
it comes to the ganja.

Time? - Uh, 4:19.

- Alright, alright, alright.

I'm assuming you're all
in on the session?

- Yeah!
- No, you can count me out.

- That's because you suck but
we already knew that so...

The rest of you are
smoking though,

I don't care what you say.

Coolio.

Who wants greens?

- That's all you.

- I'm gonna take a hit
and pass it around

and we just keep passing.

Everyone has to get a hit in
before the 60 seconds are up,

got it? - Yeah.

- You're so funny.

I don't know how you
actually managed to survive

as an adult on a
day-to-day basis.

- Hey this is serious business.

- Apparently.

- Do we all get it?

Do we understand?

- Yes ma'am.

- Time and count it out.

Okay 4:19 and 47 seconds.

50 seconds.

10, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three, two, one.

4:20, go!

- Good job, guys.

Mama's so proud of you.

Not you, but you.

- This stuff's really stone-y.

- Yeah, it's nice and
fresh, that's why.

- So, what do you guys wanna
do for the rest of the day?

- Mm, I don't know,
where's that creek

we've been hearing
so much about?

- Oh, you just walk
straight that way

and you will fall right in.

- We should go skinny dipping.

- Oh, I'm so down.

- Ha, shocking.

You know I'm half joking.

- And I'm half serious.

- I know, that's why I don't
want you to get your hopes up.

- Oh, the thought never
crossed my mind.

- Yeah right.

- But I do have a bottle of
champagne with your name on it.

- Oh my.

- So, what do you say, you down?

- Well, when you
put it like that.

- Don't wait up on us kids.

- Bye.
- Have fun.

- So,

birthday girl. - Yes?

- What do you wanna do?

- I'm cool with whatever.

- No, it's your day.

What do you want
to get out of it?

- I don't know, I'd kinda like
to go to that lookout point,

you know the one
we used to go to

and watch the sunset?
- Eagles Cliff?

- Yeah, you remember the name.
- Of course I do.

- Yeah, I was thinkin
it was that way.

- The trees look a
little different

because of the fire but
I'm sure we'll find it.

- Alright, let's do it.

- Alright.

- Are you comin?

- Oh no, I'm just gonna stay
here and guard the site.

- Sure.

Are you ready?

- As I'll ever be.

- Hey, what's the big idea?

- I'm saving you from yourself.

I think you've got
enough weed right there

to hold you off for a while.

- Oh, okay mom.

Just the two of us kid.

I'm so high.

- Oh Jesus.

Yeah, I like that song.

We're just gonna have our own
little dance party, Gerard.

We don't need them.

There's just more for us.

Oh, just a little bit more.

- We're camping, remember?

The wilderness.

- So are there like bears too?

Should we be...

- Should be fine around here.

I don't think they really
come near the creek.

- I don't know, that's
what people say before

they get attacked by a bear.

- You're gonna love it,
just trust me okay?

You're not gonna regret it.

- It is a pretty creek,
I'll give you that.

- You'll give me that.

Oh, lucky me.

Fancy. - How fancy you are.

- You know I know
how to treat you.

- Don't point that at me please.

- I'm not gonna point it at you.

You are so scared.
- I'm not scared.

I'm realistic.

- You're realistic?
- Yeah.

Don't get it on the blanket.

Oh my God, save some
for the rest of us.

Thank you.

- Relax, there's so much.

Not too shabby, huh?

- It's alrght.

- Oh correction,
it's the best, okay?

The best in the world.

- It's good.

- It's better than
good, it's the best.

I mean, look around you.

- Alright, it's great.

It' amazing, it's orgasmic.

What do you want from me?

- I want you to feel spoiled.

I want you to know that
despite my reputation,

I take care of those
I care about.

Granted that's not many
but you're in the club.

- Well I'm honored.

What do you think
people say about you?

- Oh, I know what they see.

Heartless, cold, driven,
The B and C word,

and everything in between.

But that visage is just
a means to an end.

- For what, world domination?

- God willing.

I mean, I aim to leave a mark
on this shitty little planet.

I mean, if no one remembers you,

did you ever actually exist?

- You may have a point there.

- What's that?

- Oh, nothing.

Just a little party favor.

- Oh, wow.

Look at you.

Well, anyways, I say
fuck being humble.

I mean, it's better
than being a loser.

That's my philosophy.

- So what, by being
humble makes you a loser?

- Hey, don't get me wrong.

Losers are some of the
nicest most humble people

I've ever met.

Yeah it does.

I'm good.

- Come on, I can keep
a secret if you can.

- Okay, fine.

- Atta girl.

- This is like the
only thing that still

looks as big from
when we were little.

- Yeah, right.

- Do you wanna sit there?

- Yeah.

How much longer til
sunset do you think?

- Oh, we've still got a while.

- Bummer.

- Or, I mean, we don't
have that long.

- Yeah I think the others
will be worried about us.

- Oh, they can fend
for themselves.

Hey, remember what you told me?

- Hmm?

- Just take it all in, relax.

Take it as it comes.

- Sounds like a plan.

- Do you remember when your
dad first brought us up here?

Do you remember,
we were so tired

that he had to carry
us on the way back.

- Oh man, I forgot about that.

You know, I've been thinking
about him a lot lately.

- Your old man?

Are you guys getting along?

- Who knows?

I mean, I've been
out of the house

for how long now and
do you know how many

times that he's called me?

Three, three times.

I mean, I put in all the effort

and he can't even be bothered to

return a damn phone call.

It's bullshit.

- You know, Jess, if my
opinion means anything...

- Of course it does.

- My old man was an asshole.

Sometimes I really hated him.

Sometimes I still think I do.

But at the end of the day,

I couldn't find it in my heart

to forgive him and
now it's too late.

I just don't want that for you.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, just,

I'm worried I'll never be happy.

- Yeah, I suppose
there are people

who never rise above
their circumstance

and they will always
be unhappy, sure.

The world is full
of people who do.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Like who?
- Like right here.

Me and you, two
prime candidates.

- I missed you, Jess.

- Oh, I missed you too.

- Oh God, I'm slobbering
all over you.

- Better out than in.

That's what they say.

You just keep lettin' it out

and eventually you get over it.

Was that for real?

- I just, I thought,

I thought that we...

- Oh shit.
- Oh God.

You didn't know?

- Well, I mean, I had
my suspicions, yeah.

But, we never talked about it.

I mean, it's cool.

It's cool, I just,

a little heads up
would've been nice.

You know?

Hey, I'm not mad, okay?

You just surprised
me, that's all.

- Do you want to hear me say it?

- Aubrey.

No, come on.
- No, I want you to know.

I have felt this way
about you since,

since before I even knew
that I liked women.

And I decided that no
matter how you took it

I just, I needed to tell you.

You know, even if you
ended up hating me.

In all of my darkest times,

when I was depressed
and suicidal,

it was always you that brought
me through it, you know.

It was always you.

- I don't know what to say.

- Do you feel the same
way about me at all?

- Not really.

I mean, you're a beautiful,
beautiful person

inside and out.

But I just,

I've thought about it, you know?

Liking women, but I
just am not into women.

I'm sorry.

But, you know,

if there ever were a woman
I could fall in love with

it would definitely be...

- God, you don't have to try
to make me feel better, okay?

Hey, I understand.

- You ready to head back?

- Fuck, you're weirded out now.

- No, no, no, I'm not
weirded out, no.

No, I just, I think
they're gonna start

to get worried about us.

Come on.

Come on, let's go
back to the campsite

and sit around the campfire
and eat a whole bunch

of s'mores and get completely,
completely shit faced.

What do you say, huh?

Yeah? - Yeah.

- Alright.
- Sounds good.

- Let's go get fucked up.

- So let me get this straight,

you think it's perfectly
fine for a person

to have no moral
boundaries in their life?

- Oh no, you can
have all the morals

and boundaries you want but
at the end of the day,

it's not gonna mean diddly squat

because you probably
won't be as successful

as you would otherwise.

And that's the cold,
hard, honest truth.

- Yeah, I guess
you have a point.

You know, I always said
it was strange that

things we're supposed
to admire about people,

kindness, generosity, honesty,

those traits, more
often than not,

are the cause of ones downfall

and then the things
that we're supposed

to despise in humanity,

ego, greed, lack of
empathy, self-interest,

those traits, more
often than not,

are attributed to those
who are successful.

And then the rest are failures.

- Wait, I didn't say
people are failures.

I said they were losers.

- What's the difference?

- Well, at the end of the day,

everybody's just
living their life

and you can't knock
them for that.

But it's more likely
that the losers

of this world, which
granted is most of us,

aren't gonna make that
much of an impression.

- So what?

What if you don't
care about all that?

- Trust me, everybody cares.

Everybody wants to be remebered.

But the fact is most of us won't

and that's just a harsh and
tough thing to accept.

Point is, that's all she wrote.

So how you feelin' over there?

- Tipsy.

- Yeah, same.

- I'm having a good time though.

- Me too.

It's crazy, it's like we're
on the same wavelength

or something like we're
connected on a deeper level.

- Uh-huh and now you're
making fun of me.

- No, I'm serious.

Why do you think we have
something going on?

- You think so?

- I mean, you can't deny we
have a certain connection.

- So you like, like me huh?

- Okay, well I'm not dead.

You're smoking, that
goes without saying.

But, more importantly you
got something going on.

You know, between those
beautiful ears of yours,

aside from a pretty face.

- You think I'm smart?

- That's the least of
your worries, trust me.

In fact, I've never,

quite met anyone like
you in my entire life.

- That's not funny.

- Hey, I'm serious.

Scouts honor, and cross
my heart, hope to die.

I really think you...

You're so pretty.

- Hey, do you mind if we
slow this down a little bit?

Yeah.

Someone's there!

- Jesus, what now?
- Over there!

- What the stoner chick?

I mean, who cares?
- No, it's some guy!

- Is this your way
of chickening out?

Ow, what the hell?

- Come on, let's
get out of here.

- Okay.

I just don't see anything.

- I'm not making this up.

- I'm not saying
you're making it up.

But what kind of perv would
just happen to be here...

- How the hell should I know?

It could be that hunter
guy or the ranger.

We told him where
we were, remember?

- Okay, sure, I'll
go check it out.

- What, no.

Come on, fuck that.

Let's just go back
to camp, please?

- First I want to check
what's going on.

- What do you think
you're gonna do

if you actually find somebody?

- What do you think
I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna drop kick his ass.

- I don't think you're
being very realistic.

- Sit tight, I'll be back, okay?

- Sorry.
- Well done.

- Did you see anyone?

- No, not a soul.

Why are your clothes on?

- I was feeling uncomfortable.

- Look I checked everywhere,
it's just you and me.

- Sorry, I thought
I saw someone.

- It's okay.

So, you wanna head back?

Oh, I thought you wanted
to go back to camp.

I did but,

I don't know seeing you
run around the woods

for my honor, all protective,

it kinda turned me on.

- Oh, is that a fact?

- It is.

- Oh, now you're pulling
the clothes off.

I see where you're at.

Cheeky, cheeky.

I guess I was right to
bring you to the creek.

Did you hear that?

- You're not funny.

- Actually, I'm hilarious.

Seriously, you didn't hear that?

- No.

I don't know what it is,

you make me feel safe.

- Oh, that's my
special man-power.

- Oh, is that what
they're calling it?

- Did you hear that?

- Yeah.

Someone screaming.

That was really weird, huh?

Did you hear it again?

- No, that was,

where the hell is everyone?

- Maybe everyone
went to the creek?

- This better not be
some kind of sick joke.

- What did she pass
out or something?

Hey Donna, what are you,

oh, my God!

Oh my God!

What happened to her?

- We need to go find the others.

- Rachel!

Rachel, where are you?

- Shh.

Don't do that.

Is that your blood?

What happened?

- We have to go I think
he's right behind me.

- Who is?

Where is Rachel?

Where is Rachel?

- Don't you understand,
she's dead!

He killed her and he's
gonna kill us too

if we don't get the fuck
outta here right now!

- Wait, wait, wait.

No, listen.

We can't just go running
without a plan.

The car is four miles from here.

- Well to hell with you both.

I'm not gonna die out here.

- Come on, Michelle!

Michelle!

Michelle!

Shit!

Okay, we gotta go get her.

Do you have the keys?

Do you have the keys?

- Yes, yes.

But we need to go
find Rachel first.

- Okay, no, no, no.

Listen to me, okay?

Rachel is dead.

- You don't know that.

You don't know that.

She could be out there right
now needing our help.

- We can not do anything to
help her right now, okay.

We gotta go.

Alright, do you have the keys?

- I don't think I can do this.

I don't think I can do this.

- Oh, yes you can.

Yes you can, okay?

You got this. - Okay.

Okay.

Oh my God.

- Michelle, wait!

- Which way is
that stupid trail?

- Just wait, we'll show you.

You bastard!

Michelle!

Michelle!

Michelle!

Michelle!

- We need to go.

Please, we need to go.

We need to go now.

We need to go!

Run, we're almost to the trail!

- God.

- A maniac thing, out
there trying to kill us.

- Is that right?

- He's killed all
of our friends.

- Wait, wait, wait where?

Where?

- He's back there.

We've been running from him.

- Guess what?

I ain't.

- You don't understand.

That sick bastard
is out of his mind

and he is gonna kill you.

- Yeah, well I doubt that.

- No, I don't think
that's a good idea.

- I don't think it's
a really good idea

that you been messing
around with the crops.

Didn't I give you a
warning about that?

- We didn't go messing
around with any crops.

- Oh you didn't huh?
- No!

- Now, let's see what's behind
the backpack then, huh?

Tell me what this is, huh?

What is that?

- No that's a mistake.

- A mistake huh?
- We didn't take that.

- You think this just
grew on your back?

You know one thing
I really detest

are phonies, liars, and people
with questionable integrity.

Come on, follow me.

I'm gonna put an end to
this, once and for all.

- Something's wrong.

- You know, I hear
you whispering.

You know, I think, I'm feeling
that you're conspiring

to conspire.

You know, that really
hurts my feelings.

Where's the trust?

You know, I'm a really
very sensitive guy.

- I will catch up with you.

- Aubrey, no!
- Go!

- Hey, fuck you, pig!

- No!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold your horses.

Alright, I'm glad
you're enthusiastic.

Just tie her up and drag
her over to the other one.

Come on.

Watch her, keep
your hands on her.

Wait, wait, wait come here.

Look what you made me do.

Listen, no more sass
little birthday girl.

You start actin' real nice.

Got it?

Oh, we've got a
real live one here.

Now, you keep an eye on her.

Alright?

Tie her up, drag her over
to the other one, now!

Oo, ouchy, ouchy.

Ouch that looks like
it really hurts.

Here, let me see
if I can help you.

Oh, man that's messy.

Bring her over here.

Take her over there.

- Why are you doing this to us?

- Protecting our investments.

It's nothing personal.

- Please we won't tell
anyone about this, okay?

Just let us go, we
won't say anything

to anyone, we promise.

- I appreciate that
but I think we've

reached the point of
no return, you know?

- I mean, look at my boy.

He's all giddy and he's excited,

he can barely contain himself.

You wouldn't want to break
his little heart would you?

- You don't have to do this.

- But we do.

We can't take any chances.

Especially around harvest time.

My son, he got out
of the service

and his brains were scrambled.

Wasn't his fault,
they did it to him.

They made him a remorseless
killing machine.

Then when it was over,

they spit him out.

Can you believe that shit?

A real American hero.

Christ sake.

And those meds, the VA
doctors prescribed to him,

left him a drooling retard and
he was no good for no one.

Miserable fucking cock suckers.

So we looked into other options,

weed seemed to help.

That's how it all began.

At first we planted just a few
seeds for our personal use

and then he really showed a
knack for being a farmer.

Yeah, a real green
thumb, this guy.

It was only a short
time before we realized

we were making a
pretty good penny.

I only wish that we could've
done it a lot sooner.

But, it is what it is.

- No, no, no, no!
- Jess, I love you.

- I love you!

- That's some sight, ain't it?

Gruesome, blood thirsty shit.

You know, I think he
got the taste of that

by fucking around with
them camel jockeys.

A bunch of fucking
savages, all of them.

But, this is the best part.

Look, you don't
want to miss this.

There, see that?

Do you know why they do that?

Do you know why they
hold it up so high?

Because the brain is still alive

up to eight seconds after
they've cut it off.

Blood just keeps flowing.

That's a hell of a long
time, don't you think?

You can see a lot in
those eight seconds.

Thoughts, feelings,
sensations, emotions.

You know, I often wonder
what it must be like

to die like that.

I was hoping that maybe someday,
somebody could tell me.

Maybe it could be you.

What do you think?

- Why don't you ask
yourself that?

Because you're gonna
die before me.

- The undying optimist,
I like that.

That's really nice.

I like that thing.

Let me tell you something.

Happy trails, kiddo.

Die you bitch.

That fucking bitch!

Alright, come on.

Get up.

Come on, get up.

Get up and get after her, go on!

Go on, you dumb moron!

Get her!

Help me, help me.

- Shut up!

- That son of a bitch
my goddamn eyes.

- You had a gun.
- Yeah.

- Okay, where is it?
- It's at the camp.

- Okay, where is that?

- I'm blind, can't you see?

- Which direction is the camp?

- It's that way.

- Okay, it's that way.
- Yeah.

- Okay, okay, okay, are
you sure about that?

- Yeah, I guess.

- Okay, you got this.

Come on, let's go.

- Are you still out there boy?

Where are you?

Oh, God.

Hey, come on.

Who the fuck is this guy?

Hey, come on.

Who the fuck is this,

Oh, God.

Don't do this to me.

Alright, okay?

Come on.

Please, I can't do
it without you.

You sit this one out, alright?

Sit it out.

Well.

Looks like we're at
the end of the line.

- Yeah, so it would seem.

- You know, being
the birthday girl,

I think I'm gonna let
you make the decision.

We have two options.

One, you can man up, turn
around, and end it quickly

or you could be the little
chicken shit with a push

and I would be very happy
to lend a hand for that.

So, what's it gonna be?

- Why are we even
foolin' ourselves huh?

We both know that
you wanna do it.

It's the only way that sick
perverts like you can get off

because you can't get
that little pecker up

so you gotta kill things
instead, am I right?

I don't smoke.

- Well, that's a pity
this is really good shit.

But, you know, you got me.

You really did, 100%.

Not about the pecker,

but about killing people.

Abso-fuckin-lutely.

Now, can you feel this?

I'm trembling with desire

and I simply can not
wait til it's over.

Are you ready to die? - No.

Are you?