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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:16,798 Doogie! 2 00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:19,097 Douglas, i can't understand why you're so angry. 3 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,831 We caught the fish. 4 00:00:20,833 --> 00:00:22,232 Ha ha. 5 00:00:22,234 --> 00:00:23,998 A good-sized critter, 6 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,132 I might add. 7 00:00:25,134 --> 00:00:27,232 You just don't get it, dad. 8 00:00:27,234 --> 00:00:31,332 I don't care. I never wanted to come here. 9 00:00:31,334 --> 00:00:33,582 What? 10 00:00:33,583 --> 00:00:35,831 I could be in palm springs with wanda right now. 11 00:00:35,834 --> 00:00:38,200 Instead, i'm stuck out here-- 12 00:00:38,202 --> 00:00:39,533 Needs more butter. 13 00:00:39,535 --> 00:00:41,366 ...Talking to the fish! 14 00:00:41,368 --> 00:00:43,400 Butter. 15 00:00:43,402 --> 00:00:45,300 More. 16 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:11,602 [doorbell rings] 17 00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:12,769 Murray, get the door! 18 00:01:12,771 --> 00:01:15,468 I've grown out of these trips. 19 00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:16,403 Butter. 20 00:01:16,405 --> 00:01:18,637 [muttering] 21 00:01:18,638 --> 00:01:20,869 I don't want to be the great white hunter. 22 00:01:21,971 --> 00:01:25,736 Sorry to disturb you at this hour, mr. Seidenbaum, 23 00:01:25,738 --> 00:01:28,603 But you have been personally selected 24 00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:30,103 To receive a most... 25 00:01:30,105 --> 00:01:31,204 Irresistible offer. 26 00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:32,437 Giving me instructions 27 00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:34,671 Like i was still a little boy. 28 00:01:34,673 --> 00:01:37,103 I didn't realize you felt like this. 29 00:01:37,105 --> 00:01:41,704 I'm surprised you didn't say anything before this. 30 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:46,305 Murray, what are you doing back there? 31 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,638 Murray! 32 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:48,805 [electronic noise] 33 00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:52,939 Aah! 34 00:03:52,282 --> 00:03:53,948 [burp] 35 00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:00,747 My name is darryl knable. 36 00:04:00,749 --> 00:04:04,381 I'm a normal kid who led a pretty normal life... 37 00:04:04,383 --> 00:04:05,682 Until that night. 38 00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:07,815 [announcer] it looks and feels natural, 39 00:04:07,817 --> 00:04:09,281 Whether you're skimming the surf 40 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,249 Or racing the wind on a cruiser for two. 41 00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:14,316 And remember, we stand behind it. 42 00:04:14,318 --> 00:04:17,382 I'm not only the hair club president, 43 00:04:17,384 --> 00:04:19,833 But also a client. 44 00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:22,282 [darryl] in describing my dad, several names come to mind-- 45 00:04:22,284 --> 00:04:23,783 Bill cosby, alan thicke, 46 00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:25,116 The brady bunch father. 47 00:04:25,118 --> 00:04:26,749 My dad watched all of them. 48 00:04:26,751 --> 00:04:30,584 In fact, he watched anything on tv all the time. 49 00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:32,517 They say the average american 50 00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:34,584 Watches 7 1/2 hours of tv a day. 51 00:04:34,586 --> 00:04:38,717 If that's true, there are two guys who never watch, 52 00:04:38,719 --> 00:04:42,017 And my dad took their times. 53 00:04:42,019 --> 00:04:43,917 Perhaps i shall one day. 54 00:04:43,919 --> 00:04:46,951 You have some dispatches for me, captain? 55 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,618 I have some dispatches for the queen. 56 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:52,751 Prepare to taste corsican steel. 57 00:04:55,887 --> 00:04:57,552 Uhh! 58 00:04:58,554 --> 00:05:00,452 Hi. 59 00:05:00,454 --> 00:05:01,352 Hi. 60 00:05:01,354 --> 00:05:03,619 It's late. 61 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,885 Yeah, i know. I'll be up in a minute, honey. 62 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:07,186 [swords cross] 63 00:05:07,188 --> 00:05:09,153 I'm thinking of renting out 64 00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:11,119 Your side of the bed. 65 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:12,620 Huh? 66 00:05:20,089 --> 00:05:22,054 Don't get me wrong. 67 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,020 I like tv just as much as the next person. 68 00:05:24,022 --> 00:05:28,287 It's just there are more things you can do with it 69 00:05:28,289 --> 00:05:30,955 Than only watch it. 70 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:33,621 For instance, you can also make money with it. 71 00:05:41,057 --> 00:05:43,988 We interrupt this broadcast for a special report. 72 00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:47,022 Young electronics genius darryl knable 73 00:05:47,024 --> 00:05:49,455 Has just won the nobel prize. 74 00:05:49,457 --> 00:05:51,022 Oh, you dipstick. 75 00:05:51,024 --> 00:05:53,523 For secretly videotaping his sister diane 76 00:05:53,525 --> 00:05:55,956 French-kissing with her boyfriend chris. 77 00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:57,256 We're talking tongues here! 78 00:05:57,258 --> 00:06:00,656 For copies of this tape, send $3.00 to... 79 00:06:00,658 --> 00:06:05,390 Darryl knable, 1532 blue jay court-- 80 00:06:10,559 --> 00:06:14,257 Hey, knable, your kid's messing up my tv reception again. 81 00:06:14,259 --> 00:06:17,258 And your dog's messing up my dichondra. 82 00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,958 Rivets didn't do that. 83 00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:22,658 Then there's a brontosaurus loose in the neighborhood. 84 00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:27,658 Bad dog. Bad, bad doggie. 85 00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:30,192 I'm going to call the fcc! 86 00:06:30,194 --> 00:06:31,192 The fcc! 87 00:06:31,194 --> 00:06:33,142 [snort] 88 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,091 My mom was a big-deal advertising executive 89 00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:37,760 With a vitamin company. 90 00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:40,426 My dad had this real suck job selling plumbing supplies. 91 00:06:40,428 --> 00:06:42,359 I heard them arguing one night, 92 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,859 And she said he was suffering from 93 00:06:44,861 --> 00:06:47,693 Something called a mid-life crisis, 94 00:06:47,695 --> 00:06:49,193 Whatever that is. 95 00:06:49,195 --> 00:06:50,560 He said he wasn't. 96 00:06:50,562 --> 00:06:54,061 She said he was jealous of her success. 97 00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:55,560 He said he wasn't. 98 00:06:55,562 --> 00:06:58,194 They argued a lot. 99 00:07:07,997 --> 00:07:11,795 Aah! 100 00:07:26,165 --> 00:07:27,330 So that's my dad, 101 00:07:27,332 --> 00:07:29,597 Going to his pretty normal home 102 00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:32,463 After his pretty normal day at his suck job, 103 00:07:32,465 --> 00:07:34,196 Ready to watch his tv. 104 00:07:34,198 --> 00:07:37,997 That brings us to that night i was talking about. 105 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,364 That's when everything changed. 106 00:07:40,366 --> 00:07:42,997 [woof woof] 107 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:45,464 I love you. 108 00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:48,030 I don't care who loves who-- 109 00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:50,464 I won't play the sap for you. 110 00:07:50,466 --> 00:07:54,465 You killed miles, and you're going over for it. 111 00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:59,765 Wait, wait, wait. Where are you two going? 112 00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:02,065 Mom, remember? 113 00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:04,365 Oh, right. You're spending the night with friends. 114 00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:05,365 Diane... 115 00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:06,699 No boys. 116 00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,032 Mother, i am not a child. 117 00:08:08,034 --> 00:08:11,899 Mm-hmm. You go directly to tracy's, you understand? 118 00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:13,433 Right. 119 00:08:15,301 --> 00:08:18,866 Mom, you know my friend billy stephan? 120 00:08:18,868 --> 00:08:20,117 Mm-hmm. 121 00:08:20,118 --> 00:08:21,367 Well, his dad moved out for a while. 122 00:08:21,369 --> 00:08:25,734 Then his parents went away and sat in a hot tub all weekend. 123 00:08:25,736 --> 00:08:29,033 When they got back, billy's dad moved back in 124 00:08:29,035 --> 00:08:30,500 And things were all better. 125 00:08:30,502 --> 00:08:34,634 Did you plan this so your dad and i could be alone? 126 00:08:34,636 --> 00:08:39,001 We don't know how much that hip bruise he got-- 127 00:08:39,003 --> 00:08:40,068 Roy? 128 00:08:40,070 --> 00:08:41,235 Hi, helen. 129 00:08:41,237 --> 00:08:42,201 I have an idea. 130 00:08:42,203 --> 00:08:45,768 You know how proud i am of you-- pass it! 131 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:48,202 Let's go away. 132 00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:50,634 Go ahead. I'll be there in 4 minutes and 16 seconds. 133 00:08:50,637 --> 00:08:51,868 Roy. Roy, listen. 134 00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:54,636 Let's go away like we used to, 135 00:08:54,638 --> 00:08:56,369 To the mountains. 136 00:08:56,371 --> 00:08:57,102 O.K. 137 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,436 Just the two of us. 138 00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,970 No phones, no kids, no tv. 139 00:09:00,972 --> 00:09:02,502 No tv? 140 00:09:02,504 --> 00:09:04,703 They don't have tv there. 141 00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:06,637 Is there a plug? 142 00:09:06,639 --> 00:09:08,203 This is abnormal. 143 00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:10,870 Honey, you're just shutting yourself off 144 00:09:10,872 --> 00:09:14,271 From everything and everybody. 145 00:09:14,872 --> 00:09:16,737 Are you having problems? 146 00:09:16,739 --> 00:09:19,137 Is--is it me? 147 00:09:19,573 --> 00:09:21,037 Yes! No. 148 00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,503 Is--is it work? Are you having trouble at work? 149 00:09:22,506 --> 00:09:26,671 Of course not. What makes you say something like that? 150 00:09:26,673 --> 00:09:28,138 Shoot, you idiot. Shoot. 151 00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:31,272 The one thing we always promised each other 152 00:09:31,274 --> 00:09:33,771 Is that we would remain honest. 153 00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,305 We are honest with each other. 154 00:09:36,307 --> 00:09:37,806 Look... 155 00:09:37,807 --> 00:09:39,305 You say that i'm shut off, 156 00:09:39,307 --> 00:09:42,073 That--that i can't open up to you, 157 00:09:42,075 --> 00:09:43,106 That i'm closed down. 158 00:09:43,108 --> 00:09:45,772 O.K., well, i'm going to tell you something 159 00:09:45,774 --> 00:09:48,139 That's--that's very important to me. 160 00:09:48,141 --> 00:09:50,006 I'm going to be completely honest. 161 00:09:50,008 --> 00:09:53,707 I just don't want you to take this the wrong way. 162 00:09:53,709 --> 00:09:57,873 Oh, roy, talk to me. I can take anything. 163 00:09:57,875 --> 00:10:01,374 We're in double overtime here. 164 00:10:02,343 --> 00:10:04,374 Fine! 165 00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,774 Watch tv. 166 00:10:06,776 --> 00:10:07,641 Thanks, sweetheart. 167 00:10:07,643 --> 00:10:09,874 Could you move just to-- 168 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:10,975 This is unbelievable! 169 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,641 You couldn't listen to me for two minutes 170 00:10:13,643 --> 00:10:16,075 Without that stupid television being on! 171 00:10:16,077 --> 00:10:18,875 When i married you, you were a doer. 172 00:10:18,877 --> 00:10:21,009 Now all you are is a watcher! 173 00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:24,276 [announcer] he gave it away to drexler. 174 00:10:24,278 --> 00:10:27,243 Drexler fouled at mid-court. 175 00:10:29,311 --> 00:10:30,776 Oh, roy? 176 00:10:30,778 --> 00:10:32,276 Huh? 177 00:10:33,211 --> 00:10:35,509 Hyah--aah! 178 00:10:35,945 --> 00:10:38,810 The tv! 179 00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,676 [paul henreid] i was afraid 180 00:10:40,678 --> 00:10:43,244 You were keeping tina out of pity, 181 00:10:43,246 --> 00:10:45,277 But that wasn't pity just now. 182 00:10:45,279 --> 00:10:47,644 Now i know you still love me. 183 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:50,011 It won't die, what's between us. 184 00:10:50,013 --> 00:10:51,644 Do what you will-- 185 00:10:51,646 --> 00:10:52,577 Never happen. 186 00:10:52,579 --> 00:10:54,278 Ignore it, neglect it-- 187 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,977 No further developments in the disappearance 188 00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,278 Of murray and sarah seidenbaum of oakview. 189 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:03,411 Police are still baffled and report they have no clues. 190 00:11:14,248 --> 00:11:15,779 Ahhhh... 191 00:11:15,781 --> 00:11:16,479 Roy... 192 00:11:16,481 --> 00:11:18,579 Your boring little life 193 00:11:18,581 --> 00:11:20,546 Is about to become 194 00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:23,413 Much more exciting. 195 00:11:23,415 --> 00:11:26,113 [doorbell chimes] 196 00:11:30,249 --> 00:11:31,747 Mr. Knable? 197 00:11:31,749 --> 00:11:34,880 Sorry to disturb you at this hour, 198 00:11:34,882 --> 00:11:36,847 But you've been personally selected 199 00:11:36,849 --> 00:11:40,181 To receive a most irresistible offer. 200 00:11:40,183 --> 00:11:41,949 I'm busy. 201 00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,715 Wait, mr. Knable. I have something you want-- 202 00:11:43,717 --> 00:11:44,781 Escape... 203 00:11:44,783 --> 00:11:46,848 From all your failures and woes, 204 00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:49,382 At the touch of your thumb... 205 00:11:49,384 --> 00:11:51,349 On this. 206 00:11:51,850 --> 00:11:53,148 [beeping] 207 00:11:53,150 --> 00:11:54,649 Go ahead. 208 00:11:54,651 --> 00:11:56,749 [beeping] 209 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,250 Your new controller. 210 00:12:02,318 --> 00:12:07,750 Your passport to the ultimate television adventure. 211 00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:09,149 Cute place. 212 00:12:09,151 --> 00:12:10,250 You fence! 213 00:12:10,252 --> 00:12:12,817 Oh, i used to. 214 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:15,251 Did you ever, uh, kill anyone? 215 00:12:15,253 --> 00:12:17,717 Of course not. Look, mr., uh... 216 00:12:17,719 --> 00:12:18,551 Spike. 217 00:12:18,553 --> 00:12:20,784 At your service. 218 00:12:22,319 --> 00:12:25,118 What exactly is it that you're selling? 219 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,884 Mmm! Attractive. The little woman. 220 00:12:27,886 --> 00:12:29,751 You two having difficulties? 221 00:12:29,753 --> 00:12:31,818 Well, i don't see how-- 222 00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:33,352 I know all about you, roy. 223 00:12:33,354 --> 00:12:36,752 Success, it's like a fly buzzing around your head. 224 00:12:36,754 --> 00:12:39,252 You reach for it, you grab it, 225 00:12:39,254 --> 00:12:41,719 And all you get is... Nothing! 226 00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:43,585 You're tired of nothing, roy, 227 00:12:43,587 --> 00:12:46,253 So you want to hide from everything, 228 00:12:46,255 --> 00:12:48,019 But she gives you heat, right? 229 00:12:48,021 --> 00:12:51,052 Roy, wait till she gets a load of this-- 230 00:12:51,054 --> 00:12:54,987 600 and 66 channels of heart-pounding, 231 00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:56,453 Skull-blasting entertainment. 232 00:12:56,455 --> 00:12:58,320 Comedy! Drama! Hot-oil aerobics 233 00:12:58,322 --> 00:13:00,721 Like nothing you've ever seen, brother. 234 00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:03,320 Unlimited entertainment, snatched from the ether 235 00:13:03,322 --> 00:13:05,988 And slammed into your brand-new 44-inch, 236 00:13:05,990 --> 00:13:09,954 900-line resolution, 3-way expanded-matrix, 237 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,921 Dolby stereo tv, right here, roy. 238 00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:14,455 A new tv? 239 00:13:14,456 --> 00:13:15,987 Straight from the temple of high-tech. 240 00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:18,888 Make this thing look like a philco. 241 00:13:18,890 --> 00:13:20,089 Some people would give 242 00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,622 Their souls for a system like this. 243 00:13:22,624 --> 00:13:26,189 Just sign here. We're in business. 244 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,356 I--i can't. 245 00:13:32,591 --> 00:13:34,456 All right. 246 00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:37,689 Good night, mr. Knable. 247 00:13:38,925 --> 00:13:41,557 Did i mention, uh... 248 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,257 Free trial? 249 00:13:43,259 --> 00:13:45,056 Free? 250 00:13:48,692 --> 00:13:53,924 Well, roy, all set for the tv adventure of a lifetime? 251 00:13:53,926 --> 00:13:55,358 Now remember... 252 00:13:55,359 --> 00:13:56,791 You'll have to adjust the dish 253 00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:58,524 To fine-tune reception. 254 00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:00,191 Like this. 255 00:14:16,694 --> 00:14:19,393 Enjoy your new system, roy. 256 00:14:19,395 --> 00:14:21,526 We'll be in touch. 257 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,059 Ha ha ha! 258 00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:25,226 That was a dead end! 259 00:14:25,228 --> 00:14:25,993 [thunder] 260 00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:28,793 [spike] ha ha ha ha! 261 00:14:38,296 --> 00:14:39,494 Hi. 262 00:14:39,496 --> 00:14:42,194 Ho ho ho ho ho! 263 00:14:42,196 --> 00:14:44,427 Ha ha ha ha ha! 264 00:14:44,429 --> 00:14:47,661 Ha ha ha ha ha! 265 00:14:51,797 --> 00:14:53,995 Aah! 266 00:14:53,997 --> 00:14:56,262 Now, honey, just keep an open mind. 267 00:14:56,264 --> 00:14:59,562 There's no obligation. I got it on a free trial. 268 00:14:59,564 --> 00:15:02,929 It's a whole satellite system, over 600 channels. 269 00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:05,196 ¶ i hate to leave you ¶ 270 00:15:05,198 --> 00:15:07,763 ¶ but i really must say ¶ 271 00:15:07,765 --> 00:15:11,263 ¶ oh, good night, sweetheart ¶ 272 00:15:11,265 --> 00:15:13,563 Wednesdays at 9:00... 273 00:15:13,832 --> 00:15:16,597 The salesman said we'd get a lot of shows 274 00:15:16,599 --> 00:15:19,197 You can't get on regular tv. 275 00:15:19,199 --> 00:15:20,963 Helen? 276 00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:23,497 Helen? 277 00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:26,198 I don't want this anymore! 278 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,797 [announcer] we thought it would be funny, 279 00:15:28,799 --> 00:15:31,598 If our bob, dressed as a policeman, 280 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,798 Would tell a perfect stranger 281 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,265 Her husband is dead. 282 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,999 Mrs. Cecily barth? 283 00:15:37,001 --> 00:15:38,749 Yes. 284 00:15:38,750 --> 00:15:40,504 Your husband's name was steven barth? 285 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,474 Was? 286 00:15:41,476 --> 00:15:43,013 What do you mean, was? 287 00:15:43,015 --> 00:15:46,356 Did your husband drive a 1978 chevrolet impala? 288 00:15:46,358 --> 00:15:47,394 What are you saying? 289 00:15:47,396 --> 00:15:49,466 Has something happened to my steven? 290 00:15:49,468 --> 00:15:52,811 [announcer] watch her reaction to the bad news. 291 00:15:52,813 --> 00:15:54,417 I'm afraid so. 292 00:15:54,419 --> 00:15:55,386 Ah! Aah! 293 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,456 [weeping] 294 00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:58,597 It's all right. 295 00:15:58,598 --> 00:16:00,737 [announcer] i think it's time for mrs. Barth 296 00:16:00,739 --> 00:16:02,877 To be let in on the fun. 297 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,721 Mrs. Barth, look across the street 298 00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:07,727 At that van behind me. 299 00:16:07,729 --> 00:16:10,903 Look really carefully. 300 00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:13,379 Is that, uh... 301 00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:14,917 It's a camera, yes. 302 00:16:14,919 --> 00:16:17,358 Then...You mean... 303 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,930 Yes, mrs. Barth. 304 00:16:18,932 --> 00:16:20,301 You're on... 305 00:16:20,303 --> 00:16:22,843 Sadistic hidden videos? 306 00:16:22,845 --> 00:16:24,950 And you're...Bob. 307 00:16:24,952 --> 00:16:26,555 Ha ha ha ha! 308 00:16:26,557 --> 00:16:27,926 I'm on tv? 309 00:16:27,928 --> 00:16:29,665 Uhh! Oh, you guys! 310 00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:31,539 Oh! 311 00:16:37,393 --> 00:16:40,133 The dish needs adjusting. 312 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,725 Ohh! 313 00:16:48,162 --> 00:16:51,237 That'll improve the reception! 314 00:16:51,707 --> 00:16:53,444 Yeah? 315 00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:55,885 Oh, yeah, roy? 316 00:16:55,887 --> 00:16:58,460 Well, how's this? 317 00:16:58,462 --> 00:16:59,296 [banging] 318 00:16:59,298 --> 00:17:00,767 You receiving this? 319 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:02,273 Are you getting this? 320 00:17:02,275 --> 00:17:03,710 Will you stop it? 321 00:17:03,712 --> 00:17:05,817 I am leaving you, roy. 322 00:17:05,819 --> 00:17:08,158 [beeping] 323 00:17:09,531 --> 00:17:14,513 I want a man who'll touch me rather than his remote control. 324 00:17:14,515 --> 00:17:17,488 Please hang on a second. 325 00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:18,827 We have to talk! 326 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:21,603 It's too late to talk! 327 00:17:29,765 --> 00:17:32,371 Whoa! 328 00:17:46,352 --> 00:17:48,290 Fasten your seat belts, folks. 329 00:17:48,292 --> 00:17:51,500 It's going to be a bumpy ride! 330 00:17:51,502 --> 00:17:53,006 Ha ha ha ha! 331 00:17:53,008 --> 00:17:55,280 Ha ha ha ha. 332 00:17:56,017 --> 00:17:59,226 And welcome back to... 333 00:17:59,228 --> 00:18:02,503 You can't win! You can't win! 334 00:18:02,505 --> 00:18:05,346 Now let's welcome our new contestants 335 00:18:05,348 --> 00:18:08,758 Roy and helen knable! 336 00:18:12,706 --> 00:18:16,182 Do you know the rules of our game? 337 00:18:16,184 --> 00:18:17,586 What game? 338 00:18:17,588 --> 00:18:20,998 The game with these great prizes. 339 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,168 Jay? 340 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,338 Feast your eyes on this-- 341 00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:25,479 The all-new nappa-crapper 9000. 342 00:18:25,481 --> 00:18:29,057 You'll never have to get off your fat butt again. 343 00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:30,595 It has every amenity-- 344 00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:32,067 A built-in color tv. 345 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:35,612 It adjusts to you so you don't have to move. 346 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,487 No more trips to the kitchen during commercials. 347 00:18:38,489 --> 00:18:41,632 Better yet, no more annoying trips to the bathroom. 348 00:18:41,634 --> 00:18:45,077 Your television viewing never has to be interrupted, 349 00:18:45,079 --> 00:18:46,849 And of course, win or lose, 350 00:18:46,851 --> 00:18:50,962 Every contestant takes home a set of encyclopedia satanica! 351 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:54,239 And now it's time to play... 352 00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:55,645 You can't win. 353 00:18:55,647 --> 00:18:56,881 Back to you, guy. 354 00:18:56,883 --> 00:18:59,356 Roy, the first question's for you. 355 00:18:59,358 --> 00:19:01,363 On your last wedding anniversary, 356 00:19:01,365 --> 00:19:04,740 You missed the romantic dinner your wife had planned. 357 00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:07,282 The reason, a--car trouble. 358 00:19:07,284 --> 00:19:10,225 B--you were running a marathon. 359 00:19:10,227 --> 00:19:12,333 C--you were in a bar 360 00:19:12,335 --> 00:19:15,877 Swilling a beer, watching...World series. 361 00:19:15,879 --> 00:19:18,251 Car trouble, just like i said! 362 00:19:18,253 --> 00:19:20,560 No! Can you take it? 363 00:19:20,562 --> 00:19:22,699 You were watching baseball? 364 00:19:22,701 --> 00:19:24,840 That's right! 365 00:19:26,682 --> 00:19:30,258 Trust me, babe. You walked into the right place. 366 00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,850 Very cushy down here. 367 00:19:32,851 --> 00:19:35,441 You can cool your heels in here for the rest of eternity 368 00:19:35,444 --> 00:19:37,381 If you kiss the right ass. 369 00:19:37,383 --> 00:19:39,956 These lips ain't calloused for nothing! 370 00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:41,093 Ha ha ha ha! 371 00:19:41,095 --> 00:19:43,000 Are you some kind of comedian? 372 00:19:43,002 --> 00:19:46,077 I once opened for liberace in vegas. 373 00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:46,745 Great. 374 00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,016 This is the jumbotron. 375 00:19:48,018 --> 00:19:50,658 It's got all the bells and whistles. 376 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:52,230 It's our official scoreboard. 377 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:54,437 Keeps track of the sbis. 378 00:19:54,439 --> 00:19:56,544 Souls batted in. 379 00:19:56,546 --> 00:19:57,815 Ha ha ha. 380 00:19:57,817 --> 00:20:00,591 Kind of a sports thing. 381 00:20:00,593 --> 00:20:02,296 [cough] 382 00:20:02,298 --> 00:20:05,708 Time for the seidenbaums, sir. 383 00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:14,369 Punch 'em up. 384 00:20:14,572 --> 00:20:18,048 Mmm... The seidenbaums. 385 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,087 Yearning for exotic locales. 386 00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:23,733 This episode takes them to tokyo. 387 00:20:23,735 --> 00:20:25,606 They're having a wonderful time 388 00:20:25,608 --> 00:20:27,378 Starring in their own movie. 389 00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:31,124 It's the seidenbaums versus... 390 00:20:31,126 --> 00:20:34,703 The gigantic stinking-footed lizard! 391 00:20:34,705 --> 00:20:36,107 Aah! 392 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:36,743 Ooh! 393 00:20:36,745 --> 00:20:39,685 Sayonara, mrs. Seidenbaum. 394 00:20:46,142 --> 00:20:47,444 That's entertainment. 395 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:48,882 Oh, he's good. 396 00:20:48,884 --> 00:20:50,388 He's so good. 397 00:20:50,390 --> 00:20:51,725 Ha ha ha! 398 00:20:51,727 --> 00:20:53,163 Shocking. 399 00:20:53,165 --> 00:20:56,173 Sir, this is pierce, our new, uh, intern. 400 00:20:56,175 --> 00:20:58,614 If you can't stomach the sight of blood-- 401 00:20:58,616 --> 00:21:01,357 It's not the blood i find distressing. 402 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,497 It's your lack of subtext. 403 00:21:03,499 --> 00:21:06,173 Film school graduate. 404 00:21:06,175 --> 00:21:07,276 Yes, sir. 405 00:21:07,278 --> 00:21:08,765 Usc. 406 00:21:08,766 --> 00:21:10,252 I did my thesis on kurosawa and spike lee. 407 00:21:10,254 --> 00:21:14,065 Mr. Pierce, let me educate you about our organization. 408 00:21:14,067 --> 00:21:15,102 Here at hellvision, 409 00:21:15,104 --> 00:21:18,245 We've turned the process of soul acquisition 410 00:21:18,247 --> 00:21:19,784 Into an entertainment extravaganza, 411 00:21:19,786 --> 00:21:25,135 And all for the benefit of one very demanding viewer below. 412 00:21:25,137 --> 00:21:26,406 The boss himself, 413 00:21:26,408 --> 00:21:28,178 And i don't mean springsteen. 414 00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:30,452 He has an enormous appetite for misfortune. 415 00:21:30,454 --> 00:21:34,030 It is our job to supply him with an eclectic offering 416 00:21:34,032 --> 00:21:37,040 Of light amusements, not subtext! 417 00:21:37,577 --> 00:21:38,746 Don't go away, knables! 418 00:21:38,748 --> 00:21:42,191 It's time for... The final question. 419 00:21:42,193 --> 00:21:44,899 What's that mean? 420 00:21:44,901 --> 00:21:47,241 The pit! The pit! 421 00:21:50,821 --> 00:21:51,922 Yes, the pit! 422 00:21:51,924 --> 00:21:54,999 And what's down there today, jay? 423 00:21:55,001 --> 00:21:59,781 Lots of slimy, crawly bad things, guy. 424 00:21:59,783 --> 00:22:00,551 Eeeuw! 425 00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:02,223 Now you have 10 seconds 426 00:22:02,225 --> 00:22:06,136 To answer the question correctly, or be... 427 00:22:06,138 --> 00:22:07,707 Eliminated. 428 00:22:07,709 --> 00:22:09,413 Aah! 429 00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:12,323 So the object's to get to the end-- 430 00:22:12,325 --> 00:22:15,266 The object's to kill them before the end. 431 00:22:15,268 --> 00:22:17,439 Take the knables, for instance. 432 00:22:17,441 --> 00:22:18,577 They just checked in. 433 00:22:18,579 --> 00:22:21,352 If they survive 24 hours, they go back. 434 00:22:21,354 --> 00:22:24,028 Part of our treaty with the other side. 435 00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:26,168 Kind of a geneva convention 436 00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:28,375 In the war for souls. 437 00:22:28,377 --> 00:22:29,379 Ha ha ha ha! 438 00:22:29,381 --> 00:22:32,656 Name the person who's recently been seeing 439 00:22:32,658 --> 00:22:34,095 A former lover. 440 00:22:34,097 --> 00:22:35,833 Is it, a--roy? 441 00:22:35,835 --> 00:22:36,737 No. 442 00:22:36,739 --> 00:22:37,973 B--helen? 443 00:22:37,975 --> 00:22:41,586 Or c--roy and helen? 444 00:22:41,588 --> 00:22:43,827 I know, i know. 445 00:22:43,828 --> 00:22:46,067 The former lovers we've been seeing are each other! 446 00:22:46,069 --> 00:22:49,980 You're... 447 00:22:49,982 --> 00:22:51,551 Right! 448 00:22:51,553 --> 00:22:54,160 Aah! 449 00:22:54,663 --> 00:22:58,675 We'll be back with the knables' vacation round 450 00:22:58,677 --> 00:23:00,748 Right after this! 451 00:23:04,897 --> 00:23:07,069 How long do they usually last? 452 00:23:07,071 --> 00:23:09,644 Whether they go quickly or not, 453 00:23:09,646 --> 00:23:12,052 In the end, they always join us. 454 00:23:12,054 --> 00:23:14,794 You're forgetting that wiry little peruvian chap. 455 00:23:14,796 --> 00:23:17,436 A mistake, mr. Crowley, that won't be repeated. 456 00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:20,614 Hey, it wasn't me that loused up. Jeez. 457 00:23:20,616 --> 00:23:23,891 Are you implying that if was my fault? 458 00:23:24,495 --> 00:23:25,496 I'm kidding! 459 00:23:25,498 --> 00:23:27,269 You know me. 460 00:23:27,271 --> 00:23:30,279 Always joking. 461 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,288 I think, mr. Crowley, it's time for a little...Field work. 462 00:23:33,291 --> 00:23:34,693 Uh... 463 00:23:34,695 --> 00:23:36,800 Spike. 464 00:23:37,672 --> 00:23:39,241 Sir. 465 00:23:39,243 --> 00:23:40,947 Uh... 466 00:23:40,948 --> 00:23:42,652 Why don't i take you to lunch? 467 00:23:42,654 --> 00:23:45,729 We can sit down. We can-- 468 00:23:45,731 --> 00:23:47,803 Oh, boy. 469 00:23:47,805 --> 00:23:50,612 Hey, spike, come on. 470 00:23:50,614 --> 00:23:52,117 You know me. 471 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:53,220 Heh heh heh. 472 00:23:53,222 --> 00:23:55,427 Chronic foot-in-the-mouth disease. 473 00:23:55,429 --> 00:23:58,204 I don't want to do field work. 474 00:23:58,206 --> 00:23:59,742 I'm executive material. 475 00:23:59,744 --> 00:24:01,715 I belong here with you. 476 00:24:01,717 --> 00:24:04,491 Aaahhh! 477 00:24:05,997 --> 00:24:10,310 Screw up in here, and you're dead meat... 478 00:24:10,312 --> 00:24:12,115 Dead meat. 479 00:24:14,392 --> 00:24:15,861 Mr. And mrs. Knable, 480 00:24:15,863 --> 00:24:17,467 It's time to find out 481 00:24:17,469 --> 00:24:22,115 Where you go on your fantasy vacation. 482 00:24:29,943 --> 00:24:33,552 Door number 1 it is! 483 00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:35,626 What is going on? 484 00:24:35,628 --> 00:24:39,304 You're going on the trip of a lifetime! 485 00:24:39,306 --> 00:24:41,981 Aah! 486 00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:48,000 [bell dings] 487 00:24:49,975 --> 00:24:51,578 Ladies and gentlemen, 488 00:24:51,580 --> 00:24:54,087 The main event-- 489 00:24:54,089 --> 00:24:55,692 Mixed pairs wrestling. 490 00:24:55,694 --> 00:24:57,298 No holds barred. 491 00:24:57,300 --> 00:25:00,207 No transfusions allowed. 492 00:25:00,209 --> 00:25:02,748 A battle to the death! 493 00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:05,585 This has got to be a dream. 494 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:08,688 It's a bad dream. 495 00:25:08,689 --> 00:25:11,789 In this corner, roy "the couch potato" knable 496 00:25:11,792 --> 00:25:14,926 And his wife helen the harridan! 497 00:25:14,928 --> 00:25:16,328 I gotta wake up. 498 00:25:16,330 --> 00:25:18,130 And the challengers... 499 00:25:18,132 --> 00:25:19,898 The vilest and evilest duo 500 00:25:19,900 --> 00:25:23,201 Ever to disgrace a wrestling ring... 501 00:25:23,203 --> 00:25:28,039 That ogre and ogress... The gorgons! 502 00:25:28,041 --> 00:25:29,974 Rraahhhrr! 503 00:25:29,976 --> 00:25:33,644 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 504 00:25:33,646 --> 00:25:34,545 Rraahhr! 505 00:25:34,547 --> 00:25:36,380 Calm down. Stay calm. 506 00:25:36,382 --> 00:25:37,715 Couch potato, come on. 507 00:25:37,717 --> 00:25:39,650 I--i think he means us. 508 00:25:39,652 --> 00:25:43,254 Excuse me. We're not suppose to be here. 509 00:25:43,256 --> 00:25:44,555 Rrraahhhr! 510 00:25:44,557 --> 00:25:45,723 O.K. Everything goes-- 511 00:25:45,725 --> 00:25:48,558 Maim, murder each other, i don't care, 512 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:49,659 But keep it clean. 513 00:25:49,661 --> 00:25:52,362 When the bell rings, kill or be killed. 514 00:25:52,364 --> 00:25:54,264 Do we look like wrestlers? 515 00:25:54,266 --> 00:25:56,399 We have no idea why we're here. 516 00:25:56,401 --> 00:26:00,036 I'm a senior product manager for a vitamin company. 517 00:26:00,038 --> 00:26:01,638 Senior product manager? 518 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,039 I got a promotion. 519 00:26:03,041 --> 00:26:05,140 Why didn't you tell me? 520 00:26:05,142 --> 00:26:06,875 Roy, you know why. 521 00:26:06,877 --> 00:26:08,093 Why? 522 00:26:08,094 --> 00:26:09,310 Because my success threatens you. 523 00:26:09,313 --> 00:26:12,147 Your success does not threaten me. 524 00:26:12,149 --> 00:26:13,615 It does, too! 525 00:26:13,617 --> 00:26:14,716 [bell dings] 526 00:26:14,718 --> 00:26:16,401 Uh-oh. 527 00:26:16,402 --> 00:26:18,085 I've watched enough wrestling to know 528 00:26:18,088 --> 00:26:19,388 It's all fake. 529 00:26:19,390 --> 00:26:21,990 No one ever gets hurt-- 530 00:26:21,992 --> 00:26:24,058 Aaaahhhh! Rrraahhrr! 531 00:26:24,060 --> 00:26:25,726 Rrraahhhr! 532 00:26:30,967 --> 00:26:32,900 Roy! 533 00:26:39,709 --> 00:26:41,174 Not fake. 534 00:26:41,176 --> 00:26:43,393 It's not fake. 535 00:26:43,394 --> 00:26:45,611 Run for your life, helen--quickly. 536 00:26:45,614 --> 00:26:47,347 Helen, hold me... 537 00:26:47,349 --> 00:26:49,049 Aah! 538 00:26:57,992 --> 00:26:58,958 Aah! 539 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,660 Watch, mr. Pierce. See how it's done. 540 00:27:01,662 --> 00:27:05,898 The exhilarating end of a tedious life. 541 00:27:09,270 --> 00:27:10,803 Grrr! 542 00:27:13,107 --> 00:27:14,506 Get up. Get up! 543 00:27:14,508 --> 00:27:20,378 Here comes that gorgon girl to finish the job. 544 00:27:20,380 --> 00:27:23,281 Leave him alone, you bitch! 545 00:27:23,283 --> 00:27:25,183 Grrr! 546 00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:26,251 I apologize. 547 00:27:26,253 --> 00:27:30,021 You're probably really not a bitch. 548 00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:31,689 Roy, get up! 549 00:27:32,926 --> 00:27:35,359 The gorgon's in the seats! 550 00:27:35,361 --> 00:27:36,760 He's history! 551 00:27:36,762 --> 00:27:37,995 Roy! 552 00:27:37,997 --> 00:27:40,764 You know, for a full-figured woman, 553 00:27:40,766 --> 00:27:43,233 You really wear that outfit well. 554 00:27:43,235 --> 00:27:44,835 Help! Ow! 555 00:27:44,837 --> 00:27:47,037 Whoa, nellie! Cat fight! 556 00:27:47,039 --> 00:27:49,206 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 557 00:27:49,208 --> 00:27:52,074 This could be the end. 558 00:27:53,244 --> 00:27:54,777 Grrr! 559 00:28:00,551 --> 00:28:03,552 My hair! 560 00:28:18,335 --> 00:28:20,135 Looks like that pathetic loser 561 00:28:20,137 --> 00:28:25,807 Isn't going to be as easy as we thought. 562 00:28:30,813 --> 00:28:31,645 Roy. 563 00:28:31,647 --> 00:28:33,580 What happened? 564 00:28:33,582 --> 00:28:34,748 We won. 565 00:28:34,750 --> 00:28:36,550 Or rather, i won. 566 00:28:36,552 --> 00:28:37,551 Knables! Knables! 567 00:28:37,553 --> 00:28:39,553 Knables! Knables! 568 00:28:39,555 --> 00:28:42,389 Knables! Knables! 569 00:28:45,260 --> 00:28:47,527 All right, you won, too. 570 00:28:47,529 --> 00:28:49,262 Damn right. 571 00:28:50,298 --> 00:28:53,099 And your success does not threaten me. 572 00:28:53,101 --> 00:28:55,568 It does, too. 573 00:29:20,093 --> 00:29:22,793 Totally wicked. 574 00:29:29,702 --> 00:29:31,802 Excellent. 575 00:29:34,006 --> 00:29:35,272 [door opens] 576 00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:39,309 Where's mom and d-- oh, my god. 577 00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:41,678 Dad must have gotten it last night. 578 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,413 How did james dean really die? 579 00:29:43,415 --> 00:29:48,985 Find out tonight on autopsies of the rich and famous. 580 00:29:54,959 --> 00:29:57,693 The usual, sir? 581 00:29:57,695 --> 00:30:00,062 Please. 582 00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:08,837 [ride of the valkyries plays] 583 00:30:29,125 --> 00:30:30,557 Bizarre. 584 00:30:30,558 --> 00:30:31,991 Welcome to northern overexposure, 585 00:30:31,992 --> 00:30:33,425 The story of a young doctor from new york 586 00:30:33,429 --> 00:30:36,997 Who comes to alaska, complains about everything, 587 00:30:36,999 --> 00:30:39,366 And freezes to death. 588 00:30:48,709 --> 00:30:53,012 Hello! Yoo-hoo, mister! 589 00:30:53,014 --> 00:30:56,182 Stay away! These are my holes! 590 00:30:56,184 --> 00:30:56,882 Back off! 591 00:30:56,884 --> 00:30:59,018 Oh, knable, it's only you. 592 00:30:59,020 --> 00:31:01,220 How does he know our name? 593 00:31:01,222 --> 00:31:04,256 Trying to find a conduit out of here. 594 00:31:04,258 --> 00:31:05,857 Conduit? 595 00:31:05,858 --> 00:31:07,458 Yeah. A window to the next channel. 596 00:31:07,461 --> 00:31:10,628 If you think i'm spending the rest of eternity here, 597 00:31:10,630 --> 00:31:11,663 You're crazy! 598 00:31:11,665 --> 00:31:13,131 [wolf howls] 599 00:31:13,133 --> 00:31:15,700 Here it is! Here it is! 600 00:31:15,702 --> 00:31:17,635 This is it! 601 00:31:17,637 --> 00:31:19,571 [growling] 602 00:31:27,179 --> 00:31:29,513 The shack! 603 00:31:36,956 --> 00:31:38,922 Aah! 604 00:31:40,458 --> 00:31:42,925 Helen! Helen! 605 00:31:57,775 --> 00:32:01,142 Hey, mom and dad left us a note. 606 00:32:01,144 --> 00:32:02,143 Give me that. 607 00:32:02,145 --> 00:32:05,280 "dear kids, had to leave for a while. 608 00:32:05,282 --> 00:32:08,183 "will call tomorrow to explain. 609 00:32:08,185 --> 00:32:09,351 Love, mom." 610 00:32:09,353 --> 00:32:12,521 Killer! The house to myself! 611 00:32:12,523 --> 00:32:14,556 They did it. 612 00:32:14,557 --> 00:32:16,589 They went away, just like billy's mom and dad did. 613 00:32:16,592 --> 00:32:19,827 And now it's your turn to go away, dweebnik. 614 00:32:19,829 --> 00:32:23,664 Shelley, it's me. Guess what? 615 00:32:44,753 --> 00:32:47,787 [beeping] 616 00:33:42,074 --> 00:33:43,773 What are you doing? 617 00:33:43,775 --> 00:33:45,441 Did you see that? 618 00:33:45,443 --> 00:33:47,776 That dish, it ate my bmx. 619 00:33:47,778 --> 00:33:51,213 Is this some kind of male puberty thing? 620 00:33:51,215 --> 00:33:52,481 [barking] 621 00:33:52,483 --> 00:33:54,383 Let me get this straight. 622 00:33:54,385 --> 00:33:57,987 We've been sucked into some kind of tv world? 623 00:33:57,989 --> 00:34:00,255 Are you saying that that salesman was-- 624 00:34:00,257 --> 00:34:01,973 Mr. Spike-- 625 00:34:01,974 --> 00:34:03,691 Mephistopheles of the cathode ray, 626 00:34:03,693 --> 00:34:05,560 Big brother to the ungrateful dead. 627 00:34:05,562 --> 00:34:09,530 If we ever cross channels again--ho ho ho! 628 00:34:09,532 --> 00:34:10,698 Roy, how could you? 629 00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:13,234 I thought i was buying a tv. 630 00:34:13,236 --> 00:34:16,137 Oh! This is just great. 631 00:34:16,139 --> 00:34:17,238 This is great. 632 00:34:17,240 --> 00:34:19,573 You wanted to live in a tv fantasy? 633 00:34:19,575 --> 00:34:20,941 You got your wish. 634 00:34:20,943 --> 00:34:23,343 At least we're not dead. 635 00:34:23,345 --> 00:34:24,077 Not yet. 636 00:34:24,079 --> 00:34:26,113 Stay alive another 15 hours-- 637 00:34:26,115 --> 00:34:28,882 Bingo. Free pass back to reality. 638 00:34:28,884 --> 00:34:31,251 The odds of making it are-- 639 00:34:31,253 --> 00:34:32,819 [crack] 640 00:34:33,555 --> 00:34:34,955 Oh, my. 641 00:34:34,957 --> 00:34:38,024 The cold's no place for a stiff. 642 00:34:38,026 --> 00:34:39,091 Oh, my god. 643 00:34:39,093 --> 00:34:40,459 Don't panic. 644 00:34:40,461 --> 00:34:42,828 I got us into this, i'll get us out. 645 00:34:42,830 --> 00:34:47,333 Your leadership skills couldn't get us out of a t-shirt! 646 00:34:51,706 --> 00:34:53,205 [doorbell chimes] 647 00:34:53,207 --> 00:34:55,273 I'll get it! 648 00:34:56,510 --> 00:34:57,642 Hi! Hi! Hi! 649 00:34:57,644 --> 00:34:59,778 Hi. Come in. 650 00:35:06,687 --> 00:35:09,521 I don't believe in out-of-body experiences. 651 00:35:09,523 --> 00:35:12,223 That's because you hold your emotions back. 652 00:35:12,225 --> 00:35:14,141 Do not. 653 00:35:14,142 --> 00:35:16,059 What do you think of this color? 654 00:35:16,062 --> 00:35:17,127 That's all right. 655 00:35:17,129 --> 00:35:20,431 I don't think it really goes in here. 656 00:35:20,433 --> 00:35:21,498 Clashes with the bars. 657 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:24,168 You can't really say you're an expressive person. 658 00:35:24,170 --> 00:35:27,438 What do you think of this color here? 659 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,606 Clashes with the bars. 660 00:35:29,608 --> 00:35:31,974 See? I told you. 661 00:35:31,976 --> 00:35:34,811 Coming this fall... 662 00:35:36,981 --> 00:35:39,782 ¶ row, row, row your boat ¶ 663 00:35:39,784 --> 00:35:42,151 ¶ gently down the stream ¶ 664 00:35:42,153 --> 00:35:43,653 ¶ merrily, merrily, merrily... ¶ 665 00:35:43,655 --> 00:35:46,022 These kids are driving me crazy! 666 00:35:46,024 --> 00:35:48,523 Wish there was some way to shut them up! 667 00:35:48,525 --> 00:35:51,827 [announcer] for those long, tedious car trips, you need... 668 00:35:51,829 --> 00:35:54,129 The silencer of the lambs. 669 00:35:54,131 --> 00:35:57,766 Driving will never be the same. 670 00:35:59,503 --> 00:36:03,572 Silencer of the pets sold separately. 671 00:36:04,208 --> 00:36:07,908 It's... 672 00:36:16,219 --> 00:36:18,152 My bike. 673 00:36:20,289 --> 00:36:23,289 That's my bike. 674 00:36:25,227 --> 00:36:28,561 You saw a bike like yours on tv. 675 00:36:28,563 --> 00:36:29,229 So what? 676 00:36:29,231 --> 00:36:31,564 Not a bike like my bike. 677 00:36:31,566 --> 00:36:32,899 My bike! Come on. 678 00:36:32,901 --> 00:36:34,801 Stop it! Leave me alone. 679 00:36:34,803 --> 00:36:36,569 Look, there's something else. 680 00:36:36,571 --> 00:36:41,306 I found this on the ground near the dish. 681 00:36:46,180 --> 00:36:47,045 Mom's watch. 682 00:36:47,047 --> 00:36:49,181 It stopped at 10:30. 683 00:36:49,183 --> 00:36:52,017 This is going to sound totally crazy, 684 00:36:52,019 --> 00:36:54,803 But i don't think 685 00:36:54,804 --> 00:36:57,588 Mom and dad went to the mountains for the weekend. 686 00:36:57,591 --> 00:37:00,424 Come on, diane! 687 00:37:00,426 --> 00:37:04,495 Look, i'm sure it's nothing to worry about, o.K.? 688 00:37:04,497 --> 00:37:06,430 Now leave us alone! 689 00:37:06,432 --> 00:37:08,232 Diane, whatever you do, 690 00:37:08,234 --> 00:37:11,335 Don't go in the back yard, o.K.? 691 00:37:11,337 --> 00:37:14,572 Don't go in the back yard! 692 00:37:16,141 --> 00:37:17,307 If you'll excuse me, 693 00:37:17,309 --> 00:37:19,209 I'm off to warmer megahertz. 694 00:37:19,211 --> 00:37:21,244 Going to find a channel with sun, 695 00:37:21,246 --> 00:37:23,980 Funny drinks with those little umbrellas, 696 00:37:23,982 --> 00:37:26,483 And maybe a dog track. 697 00:37:29,521 --> 00:37:31,488 All clear. 698 00:37:34,058 --> 00:37:35,191 [grrr] 699 00:37:35,193 --> 00:37:37,259 Hey! Aah! 700 00:37:39,697 --> 00:37:44,099 I'm already dead! Save her! 701 00:37:59,983 --> 00:38:01,816 We got to get to that conduit! 702 00:38:01,818 --> 00:38:04,686 Roy, it's getting worse! 703 00:38:05,222 --> 00:38:08,489 Wait, wait, wait. I got an idea. 704 00:38:08,491 --> 00:38:11,024 Push! Come on, now. 705 00:38:26,575 --> 00:38:27,707 There it is. 706 00:38:27,709 --> 00:38:30,042 There it is! 707 00:38:31,246 --> 00:38:33,179 Come on. 708 00:38:35,750 --> 00:38:37,516 [grrr] 709 00:38:59,206 --> 00:39:00,205 Jump. 710 00:39:00,207 --> 00:39:02,807 Jump? 711 00:39:02,808 --> 00:39:05,409 Wherever it leads can't be any worse than this. 712 00:39:21,593 --> 00:39:22,725 Yeow! 713 00:39:22,727 --> 00:39:24,360 Umph! 714 00:39:27,232 --> 00:39:30,199 Couldn't be any worse, huh, roy? 715 00:39:30,201 --> 00:39:31,634 Helen? 716 00:39:31,636 --> 00:39:33,069 Oh, my god! 717 00:39:33,071 --> 00:39:35,271 We're cartoons. 718 00:39:36,474 --> 00:39:38,106 Boy, this is strange. 719 00:39:38,108 --> 00:39:40,976 Strange? I'm an animated rodent 720 00:39:40,978 --> 00:39:43,245 Wearing high-heeled running shoes. 721 00:39:43,247 --> 00:39:46,615 The word "strange" is somehow lacking. 722 00:39:57,427 --> 00:39:59,193 At least we're safe here. 723 00:39:59,195 --> 00:40:02,096 No one ever dies in cartoons, right? 724 00:40:02,098 --> 00:40:04,198 Ralph, i left some food out. 725 00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,534 I hope it doesn't attract any mice. 726 00:40:06,536 --> 00:40:09,236 Don't worry. That new device is guaranteed. 727 00:40:09,238 --> 00:40:12,473 No rodent stands a chance in there. 728 00:40:22,551 --> 00:40:24,317 Stay tuned. 729 00:40:24,987 --> 00:40:27,487 How can you even think of eating doughnuts 730 00:40:27,489 --> 00:40:28,822 At a time like this? 731 00:40:28,824 --> 00:40:32,591 Should i look for some oat bran? I'm starved. 732 00:40:32,593 --> 00:40:35,361 If you don't come down, i'm leaving. 733 00:40:35,363 --> 00:40:38,464 Where you going to go, your cartoon mother's house? 734 00:40:38,466 --> 00:40:41,333 I am warning you, roy. 735 00:40:42,336 --> 00:40:44,737 Roy? 736 00:40:44,738 --> 00:40:47,139 Wow! These things are as big as buicks. 737 00:40:47,141 --> 00:40:49,340 I'm gone. That's it. 738 00:40:49,342 --> 00:40:52,610 I said we're through, and we are through. 739 00:40:52,612 --> 00:40:55,046 I can do better on my own. 740 00:40:55,048 --> 00:40:59,017 I am not a mouse. I'm helen knable. 741 00:40:59,019 --> 00:41:00,718 I have an mba. 742 00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:03,287 I live at 1532 blue jay court. 743 00:41:03,289 --> 00:41:05,956 I have two beautiful children-- 744 00:41:05,958 --> 00:41:09,659 Who i may never see again. 745 00:41:09,661 --> 00:41:12,029 Mom? 746 00:41:19,204 --> 00:41:20,971 Roy? 747 00:41:30,014 --> 00:41:34,517 Warning--you are trespassing in a human habitation. 748 00:41:34,519 --> 00:41:37,319 The penalty is death. 749 00:41:48,065 --> 00:41:50,899 My doctor was right. 750 00:41:50,900 --> 00:41:53,734 Doughnuts will be the death of me. 751 00:42:14,590 --> 00:42:16,457 [whistle blows] 752 00:42:28,236 --> 00:42:29,502 Aah! Aah! 753 00:42:29,504 --> 00:42:31,137 Aah! Aah! 754 00:42:36,977 --> 00:42:39,344 Would you let go of me? 755 00:42:39,346 --> 00:42:42,814 You have to see this. 756 00:42:44,284 --> 00:42:46,334 There. 757 00:42:46,335 --> 00:42:48,385 This will work. It worked on macgyver. 758 00:42:48,388 --> 00:42:50,589 What are you talking about? 759 00:42:50,591 --> 00:42:51,723 Can't you see? 760 00:42:51,725 --> 00:42:54,959 It's mom and dad in the cartoon. 761 00:42:54,961 --> 00:42:57,228 Very funny, pus-head. 762 00:42:57,230 --> 00:43:01,565 Diane, you've got to believe me. 763 00:43:18,150 --> 00:43:22,819 Kids, don't try this at home. 764 00:43:53,750 --> 00:43:56,482 I think we lost them. 765 00:43:57,217 --> 00:43:59,016 What? 766 00:43:59,017 --> 00:44:00,815 For a mouse, you, um, look pretty sexy. 767 00:44:00,817 --> 00:44:03,516 Too bad you didn't like the way i looked 768 00:44:03,518 --> 00:44:05,083 When i was human. 769 00:44:05,085 --> 00:44:06,616 I always did. 770 00:44:06,618 --> 00:44:08,651 News to me. 771 00:44:08,653 --> 00:44:10,250 I'm sorry. 772 00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:17,718 Surrender. 773 00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:19,718 Come out with... 774 00:44:34,757 --> 00:44:38,556 Look! Roy, turn! Turn! 775 00:44:40,624 --> 00:44:42,889 Helen, wait! 776 00:44:49,026 --> 00:44:52,357 This is one clever pussy. 777 00:44:53,526 --> 00:44:54,824 I've watched enough cartoons. 778 00:44:54,826 --> 00:44:57,058 How would an animated character 779 00:44:57,060 --> 00:44:58,692 Handle this? 780 00:45:04,395 --> 00:45:08,627 This will put a permanent crease in his shorts. 781 00:45:11,963 --> 00:45:13,662 [doorbell chimes] 782 00:45:13,664 --> 00:45:16,962 Identify yourself. 783 00:45:16,964 --> 00:45:19,429 Catnip-gram. 784 00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,164 [barking] 785 00:45:31,166 --> 00:45:32,698 [meow] 786 00:45:52,703 --> 00:45:56,202 I'll never get out of here. 787 00:46:01,505 --> 00:46:05,637 Deeb-a-deeb-a-deeb-- that's all, folks. 788 00:46:08,140 --> 00:46:11,871 I've lost the feeling in my arm. 789 00:46:11,873 --> 00:46:15,372 All of a sudden, i can't see anything. 790 00:46:15,374 --> 00:46:17,339 Uhh! Oh! 791 00:46:18,341 --> 00:46:21,407 Sundays at 8:00... 792 00:46:21,409 --> 00:46:24,140 It's... 793 00:46:26,076 --> 00:46:27,707 Where did he go? 794 00:46:27,709 --> 00:46:30,374 Duane's underworld. 795 00:46:30,376 --> 00:46:32,775 Duane's underworld. 796 00:46:32,777 --> 00:46:35,975 It's partytime! Excellent! 797 00:46:35,977 --> 00:46:38,310 [guitar riff] 798 00:46:39,445 --> 00:46:42,643 Welcome to duane's underworld, o father of lies. 799 00:46:42,645 --> 00:46:44,110 I'm your excrement host duane, 800 00:46:44,112 --> 00:46:47,978 And with me as always is my slightly decaying cohost garf. 801 00:46:47,980 --> 00:46:48,778 Wifto! Wifto! 802 00:46:48,780 --> 00:46:50,212 Party eternally, garf. 803 00:46:50,214 --> 00:46:51,345 Party eternally, duane. 804 00:46:51,347 --> 00:46:53,845 All right. Today we have a special guest, 805 00:46:53,847 --> 00:46:56,679 A man who can't even sell plumping supplies. 806 00:46:56,681 --> 00:46:59,880 Shhyeah! Like no one uses a toilet. 807 00:46:59,882 --> 00:47:01,580 Mr. Roy knable. 808 00:47:01,582 --> 00:47:04,047 Salutations, o mighty failure. 809 00:47:04,049 --> 00:47:07,048 Mr. Knable, before we get started, 810 00:47:07,050 --> 00:47:10,782 Tell me what you see on this card. 811 00:47:10,784 --> 00:47:13,982 I...War ship...Satin? 812 00:47:13,984 --> 00:47:16,015 Excrement. 813 00:47:18,052 --> 00:47:20,501 Now, i understand 814 00:47:20,502 --> 00:47:22,951 You're searching for your lovely wife helen... 815 00:47:22,952 --> 00:47:25,383 Who i truly believe you will find, 816 00:47:25,385 --> 00:47:28,451 Because good always conquers over evil... 817 00:47:28,453 --> 00:47:30,885 Not! Not! 818 00:47:34,354 --> 00:47:37,286 In order to assist you in your efforts, 819 00:47:37,288 --> 00:47:40,320 We have located a photograph of your wife 820 00:47:40,322 --> 00:47:42,221 To show our viewers. 821 00:47:42,223 --> 00:47:43,853 Where did that come from? 822 00:47:43,855 --> 00:47:45,754 She's a vixen, mr. K. 823 00:47:45,756 --> 00:47:46,988 Beezle-babe! Tent pole! 824 00:47:46,990 --> 00:47:49,688 Lady knable, we salute you. 825 00:47:49,690 --> 00:47:50,754 Schwing! Schwing! 826 00:47:50,756 --> 00:47:52,522 And your daughter's pompoms, 827 00:47:52,524 --> 00:47:54,822 They're delectable, too, man. 828 00:47:54,824 --> 00:47:55,755 You creeps! 829 00:47:55,757 --> 00:48:00,389 Uh-oh. Extreme close-up on mr. Knable. 830 00:48:00,391 --> 00:48:02,190 Oh! Oh! 831 00:48:05,926 --> 00:48:07,558 Excellent. 832 00:48:08,193 --> 00:48:10,291 One more time! 833 00:48:14,127 --> 00:48:15,859 Man, i'm getting dizzy. 834 00:48:15,861 --> 00:48:17,226 I could hurl. 835 00:48:17,228 --> 00:48:18,893 No. Chew it back, man. 836 00:48:18,895 --> 00:48:23,327 Now the red-hot-poker- in-the-eye cam. 837 00:48:36,498 --> 00:48:38,463 Bogus. 838 00:48:39,198 --> 00:48:40,630 I'm black and white. 839 00:48:40,632 --> 00:48:44,030 Hello. Testing, testing. 840 00:48:44,966 --> 00:48:47,764 "roy knable, private dick." 841 00:48:47,766 --> 00:48:50,565 Well, better than being a public dick. 842 00:48:50,567 --> 00:48:55,066 O.K., i'm in some old movie. Must be on cable. 843 00:48:55,068 --> 00:48:57,900 I've been watching these things my whole life. 844 00:48:57,902 --> 00:49:00,033 I should know what to do. 845 00:49:00,035 --> 00:49:02,767 Be like bogart, like in the maltese falcon. 846 00:49:02,769 --> 00:49:05,601 I'm on a case. I got to find helen. 847 00:49:05,603 --> 00:49:07,201 Got to find the clues. 848 00:49:07,203 --> 00:49:11,469 Got to find out how to use this thing. 849 00:49:12,737 --> 00:49:14,569 [intercom buzzes] 850 00:49:14,570 --> 00:49:16,401 Mr. Knable, you've dropped your gun again. 851 00:49:16,404 --> 00:49:18,036 I know! 852 00:49:20,305 --> 00:49:21,737 [knock on door] 853 00:49:21,739 --> 00:49:24,971 Roy, is that you? 854 00:49:30,241 --> 00:49:32,505 Sir...Great news. 855 00:49:32,507 --> 00:49:34,340 Your new class of recruits-- 856 00:49:34,342 --> 00:49:37,773 We've taken possession of all of them, 857 00:49:37,775 --> 00:49:39,240 Except two, sir. 858 00:49:39,242 --> 00:49:42,374 Oh! I know that, you postulating putz! 859 00:49:42,376 --> 00:49:45,374 They've just been lucky, that's all. 860 00:49:45,376 --> 00:49:46,441 Have they? 861 00:49:46,443 --> 00:49:49,709 You know, the strain of your job 862 00:49:49,711 --> 00:49:50,909 Must be tremendous. 863 00:49:50,911 --> 00:49:52,475 Ever considered taking a vacation, 864 00:49:52,477 --> 00:49:56,309 Letting someone else take the burden off your shoulders? 865 00:49:56,311 --> 00:49:58,977 Someone else? 866 00:49:58,979 --> 00:49:59,977 You? 867 00:49:59,979 --> 00:50:02,078 I'm flattered you'd even think 868 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,044 I could fill your shoes. 869 00:50:04,046 --> 00:50:05,911 But i'm ready to try, sir. 870 00:50:05,913 --> 00:50:09,411 [announcer] and now...Get in shape with the exorcisist. 871 00:50:09,413 --> 00:50:12,346 Come on, people, let's get in shape. 872 00:50:12,348 --> 00:50:15,080 Come on. Make it burn. 873 00:50:15,082 --> 00:50:17,380 Feel it burn. 874 00:50:17,382 --> 00:50:18,380 [explosion] 875 00:50:18,382 --> 00:50:20,114 Good, doreen. 876 00:50:20,116 --> 00:50:22,847 O.K., everybody, head spins. 877 00:50:22,849 --> 00:50:23,815 With me. 878 00:50:23,816 --> 00:50:25,615 Ready, go. 879 00:50:25,850 --> 00:50:27,982 Very good. Very nice. 880 00:50:27,984 --> 00:50:30,249 I like it. 881 00:50:30,251 --> 00:50:31,649 O.K., that's good. 882 00:50:31,651 --> 00:50:33,649 Cool down. Shake it out. 883 00:50:33,651 --> 00:50:35,450 O.K., now vomit. 884 00:50:35,452 --> 00:50:39,317 [announcer] kids, now there's a new beer just for you. 885 00:50:39,319 --> 00:50:41,000 It's got no alcohol, 886 00:50:41,001 --> 00:50:42,683 But it'll make you act just like dad. 887 00:50:42,686 --> 00:50:45,485 [burp] give me another one, babe. 888 00:50:45,487 --> 00:50:47,886 That's my boy. 889 00:50:47,887 --> 00:50:50,286 Yogi beer. You'll be just like your dad. 890 00:50:50,288 --> 00:50:52,819 [channel changer beeps] 891 00:50:54,088 --> 00:50:55,020 Dad? 892 00:50:55,022 --> 00:50:57,586 [voices] 893 00:51:00,889 --> 00:51:03,188 Get away from the dish. 894 00:51:03,190 --> 00:51:05,488 Darryl, what is with you? 895 00:51:05,490 --> 00:51:07,255 Get lost. 896 00:51:10,691 --> 00:51:11,889 [beep] 897 00:51:11,891 --> 00:51:13,723 [beep] 898 00:51:13,725 --> 00:51:14,789 [beep] 899 00:51:14,791 --> 00:51:17,123 5, 6, 7, 8. 900 00:51:20,059 --> 00:51:22,191 5, 6, 7, 8. 901 00:51:25,460 --> 00:51:27,559 5, 6, 7, 8. 902 00:51:27,561 --> 00:51:29,058 Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! 903 00:51:29,060 --> 00:51:30,726 Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! 904 00:51:30,728 --> 00:51:33,260 Darryl, what are you doing? 905 00:51:33,262 --> 00:51:35,994 Darryl! Oh, my god! 906 00:51:35,996 --> 00:51:40,294 Guys, wait! It's not my fault my brother's a creep! 907 00:51:40,296 --> 00:51:41,928 [door slams] 908 00:51:42,363 --> 00:51:44,061 Darryl! 909 00:51:44,063 --> 00:51:45,695 Darryl! 910 00:51:45,697 --> 00:51:47,495 Darryl! 911 00:51:51,897 --> 00:51:53,229 You're pizza topping! 912 00:51:53,231 --> 00:51:56,197 Wait. Mom and dad are here. 913 00:51:56,199 --> 00:51:58,030 They're home? 914 00:51:58,299 --> 00:52:01,164 Well, not exactly. 915 00:52:01,166 --> 00:52:02,697 Look. 916 00:52:06,333 --> 00:52:08,499 See? That's dad. 917 00:52:08,501 --> 00:52:10,866 That is not dad. 918 00:52:14,135 --> 00:52:15,634 Mom? 919 00:52:16,569 --> 00:52:19,151 That looks like mom. 920 00:52:19,152 --> 00:52:21,734 It is mom. That's what i've been trying to tell you. 921 00:52:21,737 --> 00:52:25,369 Our parents are trapped in television. 922 00:52:25,803 --> 00:52:27,469 Oh, wow. 923 00:52:27,471 --> 00:52:29,235 "classy dame vanishes. 924 00:52:29,237 --> 00:52:32,470 Last seen at club seidenbaum." 925 00:52:33,272 --> 00:52:35,004 Helen. 926 00:52:35,006 --> 00:52:36,070 Seidenbaum. 927 00:52:36,072 --> 00:52:37,237 That name is famil-- 928 00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:39,037 Oh, my god. Murray seidenbaum. 929 00:52:39,039 --> 00:52:40,804 He lives right near me. 930 00:52:40,806 --> 00:52:42,938 He borrowed my lawn mower. 931 00:52:42,940 --> 00:52:45,872 [beep beep beep] 932 00:52:47,174 --> 00:52:49,172 Obviously, we're dealing with something 933 00:52:49,174 --> 00:52:50,840 Of a supernatural nature here, diane. 934 00:52:50,842 --> 00:52:55,407 I mean, this thing, it did not come from radio shack. 935 00:52:55,409 --> 00:52:59,674 Yeah, so you're the smart one. Think of something. 936 00:52:59,676 --> 00:53:02,525 O.K., um... 937 00:53:02,526 --> 00:53:05,375 What goes in a dish and winds up on tv? 938 00:53:05,378 --> 00:53:07,643 My bike... 939 00:53:07,645 --> 00:53:09,509 Our parents... 940 00:53:11,711 --> 00:53:13,310 Follow me. 941 00:53:21,047 --> 00:53:23,745 Hey, not my stereo. 942 00:53:23,747 --> 00:53:25,145 I need the parts. 943 00:53:25,147 --> 00:53:27,079 Go downstairs and watch them. 944 00:53:27,081 --> 00:53:29,446 Keep track of them. 945 00:53:37,783 --> 00:53:42,548 Ho ho. Nice work, boys. 946 00:53:43,550 --> 00:53:46,249 Glad you could join me, mrs. Knable. 947 00:53:46,251 --> 00:53:48,016 Didn't have much choice. 948 00:53:48,018 --> 00:53:49,850 Lobster? 949 00:53:49,852 --> 00:53:51,383 Drink. 950 00:53:51,652 --> 00:53:53,683 Where's my husband? 951 00:53:53,685 --> 00:53:54,817 Why worry about him? 952 00:53:54,819 --> 00:53:56,917 I ditched my wife five channels ago. 953 00:53:56,919 --> 00:54:01,985 She happened to meet the business end of a 50-ton reptile. 954 00:54:01,987 --> 00:54:03,652 And i can tell you, 955 00:54:03,654 --> 00:54:06,819 I don't exactly miss dried meat loaf. 956 00:54:06,821 --> 00:54:08,753 This is great here. Great. 957 00:54:08,755 --> 00:54:11,186 I don't ever want to get out. 958 00:54:11,188 --> 00:54:13,820 Outside, i was murray the doormat. 959 00:54:13,822 --> 00:54:17,388 In here... Boss seidenbaum. 960 00:54:18,490 --> 00:54:20,788 Brought my remote in with me. 961 00:54:20,790 --> 00:54:23,955 Gets too hot--bam, i'm on another channel. 962 00:54:23,957 --> 00:54:26,123 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 963 00:54:26,125 --> 00:54:27,689 Aah! Aah! 964 00:54:27,691 --> 00:54:28,656 Oh! Oh! 965 00:54:28,658 --> 00:54:31,323 You're not coming in here! 966 00:54:34,493 --> 00:54:36,224 Euh! Euh! 967 00:54:36,226 --> 00:54:37,357 Ahhh! 968 00:54:37,359 --> 00:54:39,758 Well, look who showed up. 969 00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:40,758 Where's my-- 970 00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:41,492 Hello, roy. 971 00:54:41,494 --> 00:54:42,825 Helen, you're all right. 972 00:54:42,827 --> 00:54:45,525 You-- you look terrific! 973 00:54:45,527 --> 00:54:46,792 Oh, really? 974 00:54:46,794 --> 00:54:50,626 Hey, seidenbaum! I'm taking over your business! 975 00:54:50,628 --> 00:54:53,894 Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! 976 00:55:15,632 --> 00:55:17,097 Seidenbaum. 977 00:55:17,099 --> 00:55:19,331 Knables. 978 00:55:19,332 --> 00:55:21,565 All i wanted was to be the big shot for once. 979 00:55:21,567 --> 00:55:23,832 Take my remote. Get out of here. 980 00:55:23,834 --> 00:55:28,700 You two still got a chance of making it together. 981 00:55:32,969 --> 00:55:34,367 There it is! 982 00:55:34,369 --> 00:55:35,834 No, no, stay down. 983 00:55:35,836 --> 00:55:38,035 This is my job. 984 00:56:02,807 --> 00:56:04,806 Piece of cake. 985 00:56:04,808 --> 00:56:05,572 O.K., ready? 986 00:56:05,574 --> 00:56:07,873 [channel changer beeps] 987 00:56:07,875 --> 00:56:09,540 [neigh] 988 00:56:14,276 --> 00:56:16,675 Oh, my god. I lost them. 989 00:56:16,677 --> 00:56:21,042 The next item we have for you on the... 990 00:56:22,944 --> 00:56:25,709 Dad, where are you? 991 00:56:25,710 --> 00:56:28,476 And now the all-new miniseries about the french revolution... 992 00:56:28,478 --> 00:56:31,277 The story of the marquis de knable, 993 00:56:31,279 --> 00:56:33,027 An enemy of the people, 994 00:56:33,028 --> 00:56:34,777 Who wears a disguise to escape the guillotine. 995 00:56:34,780 --> 00:56:39,378 It's an epic drama of love, danger, and cross-dressing. 996 00:56:46,381 --> 00:56:47,880 Roy. 997 00:56:48,882 --> 00:56:51,414 You have boobs. 998 00:56:52,849 --> 00:56:55,214 Oh, they're not mine. 999 00:57:04,751 --> 00:57:08,983 [shouting in french] 1000 00:57:11,585 --> 00:57:14,384 Psst! Hey, knables. 1001 00:57:18,521 --> 00:57:19,619 Nice disguise. 1002 00:57:19,621 --> 00:57:20,653 Crowley? 1003 00:57:20,654 --> 00:57:21,686 Interesting concept, diagonal boobs. 1004 00:57:21,688 --> 00:57:24,186 Could you fix that thing? 1005 00:57:24,188 --> 00:57:26,520 Thought the wolves got you. 1006 00:57:26,522 --> 00:57:28,586 Tell you something about wolves-- 1007 00:57:28,588 --> 00:57:30,287 Vicious? Goes without saying. 1008 00:57:30,289 --> 00:57:32,488 But not that bright. 1009 00:57:32,489 --> 00:57:34,688 While those dumb bunnies were fighting over my appendages, 1010 00:57:34,690 --> 00:57:36,821 I managed to escape. 1011 00:57:36,822 --> 00:57:38,954 Liberte, citizen. Vive la france! 1012 00:57:38,957 --> 00:57:40,455 Power to the people! 1013 00:57:40,457 --> 00:57:44,256 Ha ha ha ha! Come on. 1014 00:57:50,959 --> 00:57:53,091 Personally, i think he's losing it. 1015 00:57:53,093 --> 00:57:55,124 What a pathetic thing to watch. 1016 00:57:55,126 --> 00:57:58,858 Only 2 hours left, and your 24 hours are up. 1017 00:57:58,860 --> 00:58:02,192 All you got to do is lie low. 1018 00:58:02,194 --> 00:58:03,526 [speaking french] 1019 00:58:03,527 --> 00:58:04,859 Les cops. Les cops. 1020 00:58:04,861 --> 00:58:06,243 Inside. Inside. 1021 00:58:06,244 --> 00:58:07,626 I'll find a conduit out of here. 1022 00:58:07,629 --> 00:58:12,960 Bonjour. Nice day for an execution, non? 1023 00:58:13,363 --> 00:58:15,778 [the marseillaise plays] 1024 00:58:15,779 --> 00:58:18,194 Stay tuned for the final chapter of off with his head, 1025 00:58:18,197 --> 00:58:21,495 When the marquis de knable finally loses his. 1026 00:58:21,497 --> 00:58:23,029 Uh-oh. 1027 00:58:25,999 --> 00:58:27,164 Darryl! 1028 00:58:27,166 --> 00:58:28,464 We got to jam. 1029 00:58:28,466 --> 00:58:31,497 [beep beep] 1030 00:58:31,900 --> 00:58:33,397 Merci. 1031 00:58:33,399 --> 00:58:38,066 Well, we've always wanted to go to paris. 1032 00:58:38,300 --> 00:58:40,899 In the 20th century. 1033 00:58:40,900 --> 00:58:43,499 Since we're here, we might as well make the best of it. 1034 00:58:43,501 --> 00:58:45,067 Make the best of it? 1035 00:58:45,069 --> 00:58:46,733 This is the french revolution. 1036 00:58:46,735 --> 00:58:48,467 People are trying to kill you. 1037 00:58:48,469 --> 00:58:52,134 If we get out of this, things will be different. 1038 00:58:52,136 --> 00:58:54,401 I won't just be a watcher. 1039 00:58:54,403 --> 00:58:57,169 I'll be the man i was when we first met. 1040 00:58:57,171 --> 00:59:02,203 You weren't blond then, and you wore a lot less make-up. 1041 00:59:06,839 --> 00:59:11,571 [darryl] aim it at the center of the dish! 1042 00:59:28,909 --> 00:59:31,908 You are both under arrest! 1043 00:59:31,910 --> 00:59:32,607 For what? 1044 00:59:32,609 --> 00:59:34,575 For being too beautiful 1045 00:59:34,577 --> 00:59:36,909 And without proper escort. 1046 00:59:36,911 --> 00:59:37,909 Ha ha ha! 1047 00:59:37,911 --> 00:59:40,843 Garcon, more wine! 1048 00:59:44,379 --> 00:59:47,377 [beep beep] 1049 00:59:53,980 --> 00:59:57,312 O.K. Tv's connected to the dish. 1050 00:59:57,314 --> 00:59:59,879 Now we go for contact. 1051 01:00:16,617 --> 01:00:18,249 There's no interference. 1052 01:00:18,251 --> 01:00:20,849 Nothing's getting through. 1053 01:00:21,185 --> 01:00:22,983 We need more power. 1054 01:00:22,985 --> 01:00:26,150 I'm going to cop some juice. 1055 01:00:26,519 --> 01:00:27,417 Be careful. 1056 01:00:27,419 --> 01:00:30,285 This woman is not who you think. 1057 01:00:30,287 --> 01:00:31,385 She is wanted. 1058 01:00:31,387 --> 01:00:34,418 Of course she's wanted, you fool! 1059 01:00:34,420 --> 01:00:35,518 By me! 1060 01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:37,419 My cherie... 1061 01:00:37,421 --> 01:00:39,953 You inflame me. 1062 01:00:39,955 --> 01:00:42,953 I never kiss on the first date. 1063 01:00:42,955 --> 01:00:43,686 Oh? 1064 01:00:43,688 --> 01:00:45,988 Ooh! Naughty boy. 1065 01:00:45,989 --> 01:00:48,288 This has been a kick, fellas, but we've got to go. 1066 01:00:48,290 --> 01:00:51,121 No, no! Come back here, sweetheart! 1067 01:00:51,123 --> 01:00:52,755 Keep your hands off her! 1068 01:00:52,757 --> 01:00:57,322 Your hair's so beautiful. May i have a lock of it? 1069 01:00:57,324 --> 01:00:58,189 I-- 1070 01:00:58,191 --> 01:00:59,740 Oh! Oh! 1071 01:00:59,741 --> 01:01:01,290 Why don't you keep the whole thing? 1072 01:01:01,292 --> 01:01:02,757 I tried to tell you! 1073 01:01:02,759 --> 01:01:05,191 It's the marquis de knable! 1074 01:01:05,193 --> 01:01:07,591 Enemy of the people! 1075 01:01:07,593 --> 01:01:10,092 I knew that! 1076 01:01:11,027 --> 01:01:12,991 Marquis de knable... 1077 01:01:12,993 --> 01:01:14,859 The guillotine awaits! 1078 01:01:14,861 --> 01:01:19,159 I would have given you chocolates. 1079 01:01:19,161 --> 01:01:21,993 [beep beep] 1080 01:01:48,100 --> 01:01:50,498 Kill the marquis! Kill the marquis! 1081 01:01:50,500 --> 01:01:53,432 I'm telling you, i'm not a marquis! 1082 01:01:53,434 --> 01:01:56,766 I sell plumbing supplies in seattle... 1083 01:01:56,768 --> 01:01:58,399 Washington! 1084 01:02:08,203 --> 01:02:09,801 [grrr] 1085 01:02:09,803 --> 01:02:10,801 Roy! 1086 01:02:10,803 --> 01:02:11,935 Roy! Roy! 1087 01:02:11,937 --> 01:02:14,235 I love you. 1088 01:02:14,237 --> 01:02:16,702 You guys are making a big mistake. 1089 01:02:16,704 --> 01:02:19,303 I'm not even a member of this country! 1090 01:02:19,305 --> 01:02:22,536 Darryl, you'd better hurry up! 1091 01:02:22,538 --> 01:02:23,537 [grrr] 1092 01:02:23,539 --> 01:02:24,704 [grrr] 1093 01:02:24,706 --> 01:02:26,521 Kill the marquis! 1094 01:02:26,522 --> 01:02:28,338 Hi, fellas, i loved you in star wars. 1095 01:02:28,340 --> 01:02:31,271 Can we just talk for a second? 1096 01:02:31,273 --> 01:02:32,839 Oh, my god. Holy-- 1097 01:02:32,841 --> 01:02:34,939 Oh! Could we-- 1098 01:02:36,808 --> 01:02:37,806 [grrr] 1099 01:02:37,808 --> 01:02:39,173 [woof] 1100 01:02:39,175 --> 01:02:41,107 [grrr] 1101 01:02:41,109 --> 01:02:43,707 [shouting] 1102 01:02:44,609 --> 01:02:46,757 Any last requests? 1103 01:02:46,758 --> 01:02:48,907 Yeah. How about the long version of stairway to heaven? 1104 01:02:48,910 --> 01:02:53,942 I'm afraid that is not where you are going. 1105 01:02:58,678 --> 01:02:59,710 Darryl! 1106 01:02:59,712 --> 01:03:01,510 [grrr] 1107 01:03:01,512 --> 01:03:03,444 [grrr] 1108 01:03:03,912 --> 01:03:06,177 [grrr] 1109 01:03:06,646 --> 01:03:08,178 [woof] 1110 01:03:09,580 --> 01:03:10,911 [grrr] 1111 01:03:10,913 --> 01:03:12,846 Here, catch! 1112 01:03:15,281 --> 01:03:19,580 Wait! An innocent man's blood is being spilled! 1113 01:03:19,582 --> 01:03:20,480 Good point. 1114 01:03:20,482 --> 01:03:21,713 Better back away. 1115 01:03:21,715 --> 01:03:25,914 This one, he could be a gusher. 1116 01:03:30,450 --> 01:03:32,632 By order of the court... 1117 01:03:32,633 --> 01:03:34,815 Looks like spike's going to make his quota after all. 1118 01:03:34,817 --> 01:03:37,416 I deliver the marquis de knable's soul 1119 01:03:37,418 --> 01:03:39,450 To its rightful owner! 1120 01:03:39,452 --> 01:03:42,417 Finally, he's mine. 1121 01:03:58,188 --> 01:04:02,020 How come he dresses like a woman? 1122 01:04:02,022 --> 01:04:04,354 I do that sometimes. 1123 01:04:14,091 --> 01:04:16,423 Kill the marquis! 1124 01:04:26,394 --> 01:04:29,091 Dad, can you hear me? 1125 01:04:30,894 --> 01:04:33,226 Darryl? My god! 1126 01:04:33,728 --> 01:04:35,493 God? 1127 01:04:38,662 --> 01:04:40,494 Yes! 1128 01:04:40,496 --> 01:04:41,627 It's... 1129 01:04:41,629 --> 01:04:43,128 God! 1130 01:04:45,497 --> 01:04:47,728 Right, god? 1131 01:04:47,730 --> 01:04:51,229 Tell the infidels to release him. 1132 01:04:51,231 --> 01:04:52,329 What's an infidel? 1133 01:04:52,331 --> 01:04:53,496 I don't know. 1134 01:04:53,498 --> 01:04:55,263 Tell them to release him! 1135 01:04:55,265 --> 01:04:57,146 Tell them! 1136 01:04:57,147 --> 01:04:59,029 Um...Um...Release the marquis. 1137 01:04:59,032 --> 01:05:01,864 You heard him. Get me out of this. 1138 01:05:01,866 --> 01:05:02,964 What's happening? 1139 01:05:02,966 --> 01:05:04,064 [beep beep] 1140 01:05:04,066 --> 01:05:06,531 Who's messing with my programming? 1141 01:05:06,533 --> 01:05:08,799 [beep beep beep] 1142 01:05:08,801 --> 01:05:11,766 You--the weenie in black-- 1143 01:05:11,768 --> 01:05:13,633 You, dork-- 1144 01:05:13,635 --> 01:05:15,066 At the wheel-- 1145 01:05:15,068 --> 01:05:16,967 Yeah, you! 1146 01:05:16,969 --> 01:05:19,067 Release him! 1147 01:05:19,969 --> 01:05:22,801 I am the voice of-- 1148 01:05:27,303 --> 01:05:29,935 Ohhh... Oh, roy! 1149 01:05:30,570 --> 01:05:32,969 We beat spike! We did it! 1150 01:05:32,971 --> 01:05:38,804 I would have given an arm and a leg to see this! 1151 01:05:38,806 --> 01:05:40,771 In fact, i already did! 1152 01:05:40,773 --> 01:05:43,004 Ha ha ha! No, it's... 1153 01:05:43,006 --> 01:05:43,971 Not possible. 1154 01:05:43,973 --> 01:05:47,438 [beep beep beep] 1155 01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:50,272 [alarm warbling] 1156 01:05:53,674 --> 01:05:56,673 Sir. Speaking for the staff... 1157 01:05:56,675 --> 01:06:01,674 We'll all miss your kind words and inspiring leadership. 1158 01:06:04,144 --> 01:06:05,708 Ducker, contracts-- 1159 01:06:05,710 --> 01:06:06,825 What? 1160 01:06:06,826 --> 01:06:07,941 There was a protest 1161 01:06:07,943 --> 01:06:10,193 Filed on the knable case. 1162 01:06:10,194 --> 01:06:12,443 A verbal contract binds only those parties personally making the agreement. 1163 01:06:12,445 --> 01:06:16,443 Therefore, the contract can only be for one person. 1164 01:06:16,445 --> 01:06:18,177 You took two. 1165 01:06:18,179 --> 01:06:19,711 Yes. 1166 01:06:22,347 --> 01:06:23,844 Yes. 1167 01:06:24,514 --> 01:06:27,345 Yes! Yes! Oh! 1168 01:06:27,347 --> 01:06:29,063 Mmm! 1169 01:06:29,064 --> 01:06:30,780 Oh, you're the ugliest bitch in perdition, 1170 01:06:30,782 --> 01:06:33,479 But you gave me a beautiful idea. 1171 01:06:33,481 --> 01:06:35,213 Discharge mr. Knable. 1172 01:06:35,215 --> 01:06:36,447 But, sir... 1173 01:06:36,449 --> 01:06:38,881 The contract was for him only. 1174 01:06:38,883 --> 01:06:41,281 Masterful stroke, sir. 1175 01:06:41,283 --> 01:06:43,481 I don't get it. 1176 01:06:43,984 --> 01:06:47,482 They should've zapped you two home by now. 1177 01:06:47,484 --> 01:06:49,382 You heard me... 1178 01:06:49,384 --> 01:06:52,417 Discharge mr. Knable. 1179 01:06:57,353 --> 01:06:58,683 Roy? 1180 01:06:58,685 --> 01:06:59,784 Roy! 1181 01:06:59,786 --> 01:07:01,918 Oh! Oh! 1182 01:07:16,256 --> 01:07:17,254 [darryl] dad! 1183 01:07:17,256 --> 01:07:18,954 [diane] dad! 1184 01:07:20,689 --> 01:07:22,788 Where's your mother? 1185 01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:24,889 My obligation is limited to those i have a contract with. 1186 01:07:24,891 --> 01:07:27,855 I fulfilled my end by discharging mr. Knable. 1187 01:07:27,857 --> 01:07:29,906 His wife is still-- 1188 01:07:29,907 --> 01:07:31,955 Those who trespass into the system are on their own. 1189 01:07:31,958 --> 01:07:34,123 We'll sort out the bodies later 1190 01:07:34,125 --> 01:07:35,924 After i kill them both. 1191 01:07:35,926 --> 01:07:38,757 How can we be sure he'll come back? 1192 01:07:38,759 --> 01:07:41,525 Because he loves her. He's a puss. 1193 01:07:41,527 --> 01:07:43,258 Oh, and i'll be back, 1194 01:07:43,260 --> 01:07:45,359 In case anyone's feeling ambitious. 1195 01:07:45,361 --> 01:07:48,993 Well, time to rock 'n' roll. 1196 01:07:52,028 --> 01:07:53,727 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1197 01:07:53,729 --> 01:07:56,061 Crowley. 1198 01:07:56,062 --> 01:07:58,394 Quite a radical weight-loss plan you've been on. 1199 01:07:58,396 --> 01:08:00,327 Yes. Ha ha ha. 1200 01:08:00,329 --> 01:08:02,328 Ha ha ha. 1201 01:08:02,830 --> 01:08:05,829 But, uh...Feeling a lot, uh, better. 1202 01:08:05,831 --> 01:08:08,196 Ha ha ha! 1203 01:08:08,198 --> 01:08:09,596 Aah! 1204 01:08:09,598 --> 01:08:11,696 Hello, mrs. Knable. 1205 01:08:11,698 --> 01:08:14,930 Mr. Spike, at your service. 1206 01:08:14,932 --> 01:08:17,297 Where's my husband? 1207 01:08:17,299 --> 01:08:19,464 I'll take you to him. 1208 01:08:19,466 --> 01:08:21,265 Rahrr. 1209 01:08:21,966 --> 01:08:24,432 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1210 01:08:28,768 --> 01:08:30,566 Howdy, ma'am. 1211 01:08:30,567 --> 01:08:32,366 Reckon the 3:10 to yuma will be along any minute. 1212 01:08:32,369 --> 01:08:36,600 Funny thing, though... It don't exactly stop here. 1213 01:08:36,602 --> 01:08:38,635 You're going to hit me with a train? 1214 01:08:38,637 --> 01:08:42,768 What can i say? I'm a sucker for a big ending. 1215 01:08:42,770 --> 01:08:44,502 You sadistic bastard. 1216 01:08:44,504 --> 01:08:45,569 Runs in the family. 1217 01:08:45,571 --> 01:08:48,069 My father was an oil company president. 1218 01:08:48,071 --> 01:08:51,904 Well...Have a good day, mrs. Knable. 1219 01:08:53,205 --> 01:08:55,904 [beep] 1220 01:08:55,906 --> 01:08:56,937 This just in... 1221 01:08:56,939 --> 01:08:59,071 Helen knable has been kidnapped 1222 01:08:59,073 --> 01:09:03,105 And taken to channel 1. We take you there live. 1223 01:09:03,107 --> 01:09:06,405 Roy, wherever you are, get your butt back here! 1224 01:09:06,407 --> 01:09:09,940 Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband 1225 01:09:09,942 --> 01:09:12,807 Won't lift a finger to save her. 1226 01:09:12,809 --> 01:09:13,940 Right, roy? 1227 01:09:13,942 --> 01:09:15,441 No. 1228 01:09:21,710 --> 01:09:27,276 Dynamite. He's going to hit me with a train and blow me up? 1229 01:09:27,278 --> 01:09:28,943 Roy! 1230 01:09:28,945 --> 01:09:31,143 I want you both to stay inside. 1231 01:09:31,145 --> 01:09:33,143 Make sure those doughnuts are ready. 1232 01:09:33,145 --> 01:09:36,278 I'll be very hungry when i get back. 1233 01:09:36,280 --> 01:09:37,811 O.K.? 1234 01:09:38,146 --> 01:09:40,511 [darryl] careful, dad. 1235 01:09:54,949 --> 01:10:01,515 [theme from the good, the bad, and the ugly plays] 1236 01:10:08,718 --> 01:10:09,616 [cough] 1237 01:10:09,618 --> 01:10:10,616 [cough cough] 1238 01:10:10,618 --> 01:10:11,850 [cough cough] 1239 01:10:11,852 --> 01:10:12,850 [cough] 1240 01:10:12,852 --> 01:10:13,917 [cough] 1241 01:10:13,919 --> 01:10:15,651 Help! 1242 01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:19,652 Helen? 1243 01:10:19,654 --> 01:10:21,318 Roy! 1244 01:10:30,088 --> 01:10:32,754 Back to play the hero, huh? 1245 01:10:32,756 --> 01:10:35,154 Ha ha ha ha ha! 1246 01:10:35,156 --> 01:10:38,721 Not exactly typecasting. 1247 01:10:39,024 --> 01:10:40,988 Be about 6...6'1". 1248 01:10:40,990 --> 01:10:42,522 Yeah. 1249 01:10:46,258 --> 01:10:49,623 Make your move, tinhorn. 1250 01:10:55,827 --> 01:10:58,492 Today, roy! 1251 01:11:01,461 --> 01:11:03,159 No! 1252 01:11:03,161 --> 01:11:05,259 Dad! Dad! 1253 01:11:18,931 --> 01:11:20,428 [beep beep] 1254 01:11:20,430 --> 01:11:22,496 [beep beep] 1255 01:11:25,131 --> 01:11:27,930 You missed me, partner. 1256 01:11:44,302 --> 01:11:46,500 Captain, the ship has found itself 1257 01:11:46,502 --> 01:11:47,934 In an orbit around hell. 1258 01:11:47,936 --> 01:11:50,000 The underworld is hailing us. 1259 01:11:50,002 --> 01:11:52,000 I know you. 1260 01:11:52,002 --> 01:11:53,468 Greetings, captain roy. 1261 01:11:53,470 --> 01:11:55,701 Our remotes are synchronized, 1262 01:11:55,703 --> 01:11:58,168 So wherever you go, i go. 1263 01:11:58,170 --> 01:11:59,769 Enjoy the attack. 1264 01:11:59,771 --> 01:12:01,702 [alarm warbling] 1265 01:12:01,704 --> 01:12:02,769 Lieutenant? 1266 01:12:02,771 --> 01:12:03,769 Captain? 1267 01:12:03,771 --> 01:12:07,803 G-g...Get us out of here! 1268 01:12:07,805 --> 01:12:09,637 No! 1269 01:12:13,173 --> 01:12:15,338 Phasers on, uh... 1270 01:12:16,940 --> 01:12:18,538 Torture. 1271 01:12:23,641 --> 01:12:26,106 Holy shatner! 1272 01:12:26,741 --> 01:12:28,774 And just to show you how effective 1273 01:12:28,776 --> 01:12:30,574 Our passenger restraint system really is, 1274 01:12:30,576 --> 01:12:33,208 Watch this demonstration at 110 miles an hour, 1275 01:12:33,210 --> 01:12:35,942 Where our driver dummy has the benefit 1276 01:12:35,944 --> 01:12:37,741 Of seat belt and air bag, 1277 01:12:37,743 --> 01:12:40,209 The other dummy having neither one. 1278 01:12:40,211 --> 01:12:42,309 Neither one? 1279 01:12:43,111 --> 01:12:45,610 I can't watch. Switch to mom. 1280 01:12:45,612 --> 01:12:47,076 Switch to mom! 1281 01:12:47,078 --> 01:12:49,610 [train whistle blows] 1282 01:12:55,947 --> 01:12:58,111 Dad'll save her. 1283 01:13:01,181 --> 01:13:03,012 [beep beep] 1284 01:13:03,014 --> 01:13:05,446 Aah! 1285 01:13:15,717 --> 01:13:17,548 Ooh. Rrr! 1286 01:13:21,017 --> 01:13:23,349 No! No, wait! 1287 01:13:24,618 --> 01:13:29,717 Aaaaaahhhhh! 1288 01:13:36,054 --> 01:13:39,719 Hey, lady, watch out! 1289 01:13:51,890 --> 01:13:53,387 Ooh. 1290 01:13:57,891 --> 01:13:58,922 Whoop. 1291 01:13:58,924 --> 01:14:01,456 Aah! 1292 01:14:10,593 --> 01:14:12,525 Yaaahhhh! 1293 01:14:13,327 --> 01:14:14,258 Whoa! 1294 01:14:14,260 --> 01:14:15,892 Unh! Ahh! 1295 01:14:15,894 --> 01:14:17,625 ¶ come and knock on our door ¶ 1296 01:14:17,627 --> 01:14:19,959 ¶ come and knock on our door ¶ 1297 01:14:19,961 --> 01:14:20,826 Where have you been? 1298 01:14:20,828 --> 01:14:22,926 ¶ we've been waitin' for you... ¶ 1299 01:14:22,928 --> 01:14:26,727 Aaaaaahhhh! 1300 01:14:33,064 --> 01:14:34,828 [cough cough] 1301 01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:38,329 My, my. 1302 01:14:38,331 --> 01:14:42,563 Now you'll never get back to kansas. 1303 01:14:44,699 --> 01:14:46,364 En garde. 1304 01:14:48,966 --> 01:14:50,231 Oh, no sword. 1305 01:14:50,233 --> 01:14:53,898 Have to talk to that prop man. 1306 01:15:04,202 --> 01:15:06,100 Right about now, your wife is probably 1307 01:15:06,102 --> 01:15:09,601 Catching that train... Right between the eyes. 1308 01:15:09,603 --> 01:15:12,435 And you let it happen. 1309 01:15:16,438 --> 01:15:18,569 Here it comes, dad! 1310 01:15:21,505 --> 01:15:23,470 I've taken loads of souls... 1311 01:15:23,472 --> 01:15:25,170 And none more pathetic 1312 01:15:25,172 --> 01:15:28,271 Than yours, roy. 1313 01:15:31,507 --> 01:15:34,572 Say good night, gracie. 1314 01:15:35,708 --> 01:15:37,756 Not yet. 1315 01:15:37,757 --> 01:15:39,805 You see, i was captain of my junior college fencing team. 1316 01:15:39,808 --> 01:15:42,306 All right. Co-captain. 1317 01:15:50,576 --> 01:15:53,408 I gave you escape from your pitiful life. 1318 01:15:53,410 --> 01:15:55,675 I want it back. 1319 01:15:56,245 --> 01:15:57,876 All sales are final. 1320 01:15:57,878 --> 01:15:59,710 Not this one. 1321 01:16:08,280 --> 01:16:09,944 ¶ you got to start me ¶ 1322 01:16:09,946 --> 01:16:11,645 ¶ up ¶ 1323 01:16:12,780 --> 01:16:15,613 ¶ start me up ¶ 1324 01:16:17,848 --> 01:16:20,080 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1325 01:16:20,082 --> 01:16:20,913 ¶ come down ¶ 1326 01:16:20,915 --> 01:16:23,013 ¶ the "s" to the a-l-t ¶ 1327 01:16:23,015 --> 01:16:23,747 ¶ come down ¶ 1328 01:16:23,749 --> 01:16:25,014 ¶ the love to the b-u-g ¶ 1329 01:16:25,016 --> 01:16:26,048 ¶ come down ¶ 1330 01:16:26,049 --> 01:16:27,081 ¶ the spin to the d-a-rella ¶ 1331 01:16:27,083 --> 01:16:28,431 ¶ come down ¶ 1332 01:16:28,432 --> 01:16:29,780 ¶ s-t-double e-v-e in the "p" ¶ 1333 01:16:29,783 --> 01:16:30,715 ¶ come down ¶ 1334 01:16:30,717 --> 01:16:31,815 The "p" to the e-p-a ¶ 1335 01:16:31,817 --> 01:16:33,416 ¶ come down ¶ 1336 01:16:33,417 --> 01:16:35,015 ¶ the idolmaker's in the house, how ya know? ¶ 1337 01:16:35,017 --> 01:16:35,916 ¶ come down ¶ 1338 01:16:35,918 --> 01:16:37,116 ¶ to the record lord ¶ 1339 01:16:37,118 --> 01:16:38,433 ¶ come down ¶ 1340 01:16:38,434 --> 01:16:39,749 ¶ wait a minute, wait a minute, y'all ¶ 1341 01:16:39,752 --> 01:16:41,850 ¶ let's get serious for a minute ¶ 1342 01:16:41,852 --> 01:16:42,817 ¶ y'all havin' fun? ¶ 1343 01:16:42,818 --> 01:16:43,783 ¶ i'm havin' fun, everybody havin' fun ¶ 1344 01:16:43,785 --> 01:16:46,050 ¶ but you know those times ¶ 1345 01:16:46,052 --> 01:16:47,384 ¶ when you get stressed out ¶ 1346 01:16:47,386 --> 01:16:49,285 ¶ and you wanna give up? ¶ 1347 01:16:49,287 --> 01:16:51,818 ¶ everybody has a time in their life ¶ 1348 01:16:51,820 --> 01:16:54,119 ¶ when things doesn't always go right ¶ 1349 01:16:54,121 --> 01:16:57,086 ¶ it just gets harder every day ¶ 1350 01:16:57,088 --> 01:16:58,720 ¶ and it makes you wanna run away ¶ 1351 01:16:58,722 --> 01:17:02,187 ¶ then i wonder when it will end ¶ 1352 01:17:02,189 --> 01:17:04,220 ¶ can i ever be myself again? ¶ 1353 01:17:04,222 --> 01:17:06,320 ¶ yo, i got hopes, and i got trust ¶ 1354 01:17:06,322 --> 01:17:08,754 ¶ and i got you here to start me up ¶ 1355 01:17:08,756 --> 01:17:09,921 ¶ i'm fed up, fed up ¶ 1356 01:17:09,923 --> 01:17:11,154 ¶ word up, dead up ¶ 1357 01:17:11,156 --> 01:17:12,421 ¶ gotta keep my head up ¶ 1358 01:17:12,423 --> 01:17:13,688 ¶ don't stop or let up ¶ 1359 01:17:13,690 --> 01:17:14,689 ¶ you're sleepin', laid up ¶ 1360 01:17:14,691 --> 01:17:16,723 ¶ time to get your bed made up ¶ 1361 01:17:16,725 --> 01:17:17,556 ¶ always gonna lose it ¶ 1362 01:17:17,558 --> 01:17:18,723 ¶ till your dues get paid up ¶ 1363 01:17:18,725 --> 01:17:19,556 ¶ straight up, wait up ¶ 1364 01:17:19,558 --> 01:17:20,789 ¶ i'm not gamin' or bluffin' ¶ 1365 01:17:20,791 --> 01:17:23,624 ¶ watch television all day doin' nothing ¶ 1366 01:17:23,626 --> 01:17:25,041 ¶ poisoning your liver ¶ 1367 01:17:25,042 --> 01:17:26,457 ¶ looks like you're ready to deliver ¶ 1368 01:17:26,460 --> 01:17:28,291 ¶ yo, salt, i think he gets the scissors ¶ 1369 01:17:28,293 --> 01:17:30,791 ¶ start me up ¶ 1370 01:17:30,793 --> 01:17:33,125 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1371 01:17:33,127 --> 01:17:35,126 ¶ start me up ¶ 1372 01:17:35,427 --> 01:17:38,193 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1373 01:17:38,195 --> 01:17:40,126 ¶ start me up ¶ 1374 01:17:40,128 --> 01:17:42,727 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1375 01:17:42,729 --> 01:17:45,661 ¶ start me up-- ¶ 1376 01:17:52,230 --> 01:17:54,762 ¶ start me up ¶ 1377 01:17:54,764 --> 01:17:57,096 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1378 01:17:57,098 --> 01:17:59,063 ¶ start me up ¶ 1379 01:17:59,065 --> 01:18:01,063 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1380 01:18:01,065 --> 01:18:03,230 ¶ on the dial, the people gonna fall off ¶ 1381 01:18:03,232 --> 01:18:06,164 ¶ the eeby deeby jam coming at me, big mama ¶ 1382 01:18:06,166 --> 01:18:07,164 ¶ stoppin' at the period ¶ 1383 01:18:07,166 --> 01:18:08,832 ¶ and pause upon the comma ¶ 1384 01:18:08,834 --> 01:18:11,165 ¶ the bis boom bit did a drama for your fodda ¶ 1385 01:18:11,167 --> 01:18:12,232 ¶ tell me, rough ¶ 1386 01:18:12,234 --> 01:18:14,666 ¶ coach man workin' i'm stuck ¶ 1387 01:18:14,668 --> 01:18:17,033 ¶ de-man-a man-a lek-o lek-o ¶ 1388 01:18:17,035 --> 01:18:19,433 ¶ fix the collar on a world, rah ¶ 1389 01:18:19,435 --> 01:18:21,600 ¶ the microchips never fail me ¶ 1390 01:18:21,602 --> 01:18:23,634 ¶ start me up ¶ 1391 01:18:23,636 --> 01:18:26,001 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1392 01:18:26,003 --> 01:18:28,035 ¶ start me up ¶ 1393 01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:30,168 ¶ you got to start me ¶ 1394 01:18:30,170 --> 01:18:30,902 ¶ up ¶ 1395 01:18:30,904 --> 01:18:32,202 ¶ well, uh, well, uh ¶ 1396 01:18:32,204 --> 01:18:33,302 ¶ we-heh-heh-hell uh ¶ 1397 01:18:33,304 --> 01:18:34,869 ¶ you're caught in the rain ¶ 1398 01:18:34,871 --> 01:18:36,103 ¶ but you forgot your umbrella ¶ 1399 01:18:36,105 --> 01:18:37,459 ¶ what could you do ¶ 1400 01:18:37,460 --> 01:18:38,814 ¶ punch-a-nella, punch-a-nella? ¶ 1401 01:18:38,815 --> 01:18:40,169 ¶ you're trapped in a cage like an ape called magilla ¶ 1402 01:18:40,172 --> 01:18:42,671 ¶ and now you're ready to throw in the towel ¶ 1403 01:18:42,673 --> 01:18:43,638 ¶ that's kinda foul ¶ 1404 01:18:43,640 --> 01:18:44,738 ¶ you don't give a hoot ¶ 1405 01:18:44,740 --> 01:18:45,704 ¶ like a mute owl ¶ 1406 01:18:45,706 --> 01:18:46,871 ¶ that's not the way i know you to be ¶ 1407 01:18:46,873 --> 01:18:48,372 ¶ you used to be true to me ¶ 1408 01:18:48,374 --> 01:18:50,672 ¶ oo-ee, what you used to do to me ¶ 1409 01:18:50,674 --> 01:18:52,306 ¶ start me up ¶ 1410 01:18:52,308 --> 01:18:55,239 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1411 01:18:55,241 --> 01:18:58,207 ¶ start me up... ¶ 1412 01:18:58,209 --> 01:18:59,340 Wait. 1413 01:18:59,342 --> 01:19:01,307 O.K. You got the remote. You win. 1414 01:19:01,309 --> 01:19:03,274 But how about-- just pitching here-- 1415 01:19:03,276 --> 01:19:05,008 You and me working together? 1416 01:19:05,010 --> 01:19:07,475 We could come up with dynamite programming. 1417 01:19:07,477 --> 01:19:08,608 Chairman'd love it. 1418 01:19:08,610 --> 01:19:10,309 Knock him off his hooves. 1419 01:19:10,311 --> 01:19:11,242 We'd be number one. 1420 01:19:11,244 --> 01:19:13,509 Of course, we are the only one, but-- 1421 01:19:13,511 --> 01:19:15,809 You don't get it, do you? 1422 01:19:15,811 --> 01:19:18,610 Without me, you don't get out of here. 1423 01:19:18,612 --> 01:19:22,311 Sorry, spike. You're cancelled. 1424 01:19:25,813 --> 01:19:28,711 ¶ you got to start me up ¶ 1425 01:19:28,713 --> 01:19:30,978 ¶ start me up ¶ 1426 01:19:30,980 --> 01:19:32,546 ¶ you got to start me ¶ 1427 01:19:32,548 --> 01:19:34,246 ¶ up ¶ 1428 01:19:36,916 --> 01:19:38,446 Roy! 1429 01:19:39,249 --> 01:19:41,548 Deactivate escape frequencies. 1430 01:19:41,550 --> 01:19:43,015 What are you doing? 1431 01:19:43,017 --> 01:19:45,415 I've trapped them. 1432 01:19:57,019 --> 01:19:57,850 It's not working! 1433 01:19:57,852 --> 01:20:01,384 Turn it off. Turn it off. 1434 01:20:03,053 --> 01:20:06,285 Turn it off. Turn it off. 1435 01:20:06,287 --> 01:20:09,386 What do you do when you want the tv to go away? 1436 01:20:09,388 --> 01:20:10,519 You turn it 1437 01:20:10,521 --> 01:20:12,052 Off! 1438 01:20:26,957 --> 01:20:28,756 We've lost them. 1439 01:20:28,758 --> 01:20:29,822 Helen... 1440 01:20:29,824 --> 01:20:31,689 We're home! 1441 01:20:31,691 --> 01:20:33,223 Kids! 1442 01:20:34,258 --> 01:20:35,523 Oh! Dad! 1443 01:20:35,525 --> 01:20:38,090 Oh! Oh! 1444 01:20:41,626 --> 01:20:43,158 [dog growls] 1445 01:20:43,160 --> 01:20:46,525 Whoever left the gate open is grounded for a week. 1446 01:20:46,527 --> 01:20:48,525 [woof] 1447 01:20:53,962 --> 01:20:55,260 Check that. 1448 01:20:55,262 --> 01:20:59,961 Whoever left the gate open gets double their allowance. 1449 01:21:02,063 --> 01:21:04,295 Look at that. 1450 01:21:25,200 --> 01:21:26,932 Wetzel! 1451 01:21:26,934 --> 01:21:29,632 Don't get me angry, you worm! 1452 01:21:29,634 --> 01:21:31,466 Get me out of here! 1453 01:21:31,468 --> 01:21:33,066 Put a lid on it, fido. 1454 01:21:33,068 --> 01:21:35,134 O.K., pierce, what do you want? 1455 01:21:35,136 --> 01:21:36,867 Corner office? Name on the door? 1456 01:21:36,869 --> 01:21:38,967 Hello, spike. Heh heh. 1457 01:21:38,969 --> 01:21:40,568 Crowley. 1458 01:21:42,770 --> 01:21:45,435 You know, you're a gentleman and a scholar... 1459 01:21:45,437 --> 01:21:46,402 A fine corporate asset... 1460 01:21:46,404 --> 01:21:49,269 A man who i, personally, like very much. 1461 01:21:49,271 --> 01:21:53,803 Oh, incidentally, spike, nice of you to drop in. 1462 01:21:53,805 --> 01:21:56,070 Ha ha ha ha... 1463 01:21:56,072 --> 01:21:59,271 Ah...That's funny. 1464 01:21:59,973 --> 01:22:01,438 Ah! 1465 01:22:01,440 --> 01:22:02,838 Aah! 1466 01:22:02,840 --> 01:22:05,572 [woof woof] 1467 01:22:06,474 --> 01:22:09,339 I get his parking space. 1468 01:22:09,775 --> 01:22:12,240 So what can i tell you? 1469 01:22:12,242 --> 01:22:13,507 My parents got back together. 1470 01:22:13,509 --> 01:22:17,074 The only tv my dad watches is 60 minutes, 1471 01:22:17,076 --> 01:22:18,541 And he started a new job. 1472 01:22:18,543 --> 01:22:22,207 I guess you could call us a pretty normal family. 1473 01:22:22,209 --> 01:22:26,275 That's if anything is ever normal. 1474 01:22:26,277 --> 01:22:28,642 Who on earth taught you that? 1475 01:22:28,644 --> 01:22:30,709 Uh, i saw it on tv somewhere. 1476 01:22:30,711 --> 01:22:32,443 Some old movie. 1477 01:22:32,444 --> 01:22:34,176 Take my advice, kiddo. Don't watch too much tv. 1478 01:22:34,179 --> 01:22:36,411 It can get you into trouble. 1479 01:22:36,413 --> 01:22:38,711 O.K., fencers. Class dismissed. 1480 01:22:59,283 --> 01:23:02,515 ¶ me and that dude is talkin' ¶ 1481 01:23:04,151 --> 01:23:06,015 ¶ baby, i just love your body ¶ 1482 01:23:06,017 --> 01:23:08,716 ¶ can't believe the feeling when you walk your walk ¶ 1483 01:23:08,718 --> 01:23:10,849 ¶ baby, we don't need no party ¶ 1484 01:23:10,851 --> 01:23:12,983 ¶ you can taste it if you don't like to talk ¶ 1485 01:23:12,985 --> 01:23:15,283 ¶ i used to have a woman who was so shy ¶ 1486 01:23:15,285 --> 01:23:17,551 ¶ never spoke about what she desired ¶ 1487 01:23:17,553 --> 01:23:19,718 ¶ now the door is open, it's open wide ¶ 1488 01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:22,319 ¶ take a little peek and find what's inside ¶ 1489 01:23:22,321 --> 01:23:24,252 ¶ baby, i just love your body ¶ 1490 01:23:24,254 --> 01:23:26,719 ¶ can't believe the feeling when you walk your walk ¶ 1491 01:23:26,721 --> 01:23:29,086 ¶ hey there, we don't need no party ¶ 1492 01:23:29,088 --> 01:23:32,787 ¶ you can taste it, if you want ¶ 1493 01:23:49,425 --> 01:23:51,623 ¶ baby, i just love your body ¶ 1494 01:23:51,625 --> 01:23:54,257 ¶ can't believe the feeling when you walk your walk ¶ 1495 01:23:54,259 --> 01:23:56,224 ¶ baby, we don't need no party ¶ 1496 01:23:56,226 --> 01:23:58,525 ¶ you can taste it if you don't like to talk ¶ 1497 01:23:58,527 --> 01:24:00,892 ¶ used to have a woman who was so shy ¶ 1498 01:24:00,894 --> 01:24:03,159 ¶ never spoke about what she desired ¶ 1499 01:24:03,161 --> 01:24:05,392 ¶ now the door is open, it's open wide ¶ 1500 01:24:05,394 --> 01:24:07,793 ¶ take a little peek and find what's inside ¶ 1501 01:24:07,795 --> 01:24:09,826 ¶ baby, i just love your body ¶ 1502 01:24:09,828 --> 01:24:12,493 ¶ can't believe the feeling when you walk your walk ¶ 1503 01:24:12,495 --> 01:24:14,694 ¶ baby, we don't need no party ¶ 1504 01:24:14,696 --> 01:24:17,961 ¶ you can taste that, if you want ¶ 1505 01:24:30,432 --> 01:24:33,064 Captioning made possible by warner bros. Inc. 1506 01:24:33,066 --> 01:24:36,297 Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. 1507 01:24:36,299 --> 01:24:38,598 Captions copyright 1992 morgan creek productions, inc. 1508 01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:43,765 Public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute 1509 01:24:45,801 --> 01:24:48,033 ¶ do you want it? ¶ 1510 01:24:57,036 --> 01:24:59,535 ¶ do you want it? ¶ 1511 01:25:11,572 --> 01:25:13,704 ¶ do you want it? ¶ 1512 01:25:20,207 --> 01:25:22,606 ¶ do you want it? ¶ 1513 01:26:01,680 --> 01:26:04,112 ¶ do you want it? ¶ 1514 01:26:04,948 --> 01:26:08,513 ¶ do you--do you want it? ¶ 1515 01:26:10,749 --> 01:26:13,181 ¶ do you want it? ¶ 1516 01:26:14,783 --> 01:26:16,581 ¶ moon's out tonight ¶ 1517 01:26:16,583 --> 01:26:20,649 ¶ the doctor's takin' a walk ¶ 1518 01:26:21,150 --> 01:26:24,016 ¶ awoo ¶ 1519 01:26:25,318 --> 01:26:27,583 ¶ the mic stalker ¶ 1520 01:26:33,886 --> 01:26:35,718 ¶ some dame did me wrong, and i admit it ¶ 1521 01:26:35,720 --> 01:26:37,318 ¶ my temper was a fuse, and you just lit it ¶ 1522 01:26:37,320 --> 01:26:39,518 ¶ and made me right that on a saturday night ¶ 1523 01:26:39,520 --> 01:26:41,119 ¶ that i bit it, the price is death ¶ 1524 01:26:41,121 --> 01:26:42,386 ¶ this is a row, the fight for right ¶ 1525 01:26:42,388 --> 01:26:44,353 ¶ don't get hyped this is my knife strike ¶ 1526 01:26:44,355 --> 01:26:45,553 ¶ no nob, no gun ¶ 1527 01:26:45,554 --> 01:26:46,752 ¶ took my vocals through the mic ¶ 1528 01:26:46,753 --> 01:26:47,951 ¶ it's cold so i pack it in my jacket at night ¶ 1529 01:26:47,955 --> 01:26:50,120 ¶ hey, i live by my mic and die by my mic ¶ 1530 01:26:50,122 --> 01:26:51,804 ¶ no, i live to exist ¶ 1531 01:26:51,805 --> 01:26:53,487 ¶ and i never bid on the great ride to hitch ¶ 1532 01:26:53,489 --> 01:26:54,688 ¶ and while you're dying ¶ 1533 01:26:54,690 --> 01:26:56,254 ¶ your son is cryin', beggin' and yellin' ¶ 1534 01:26:56,256 --> 01:26:57,321 ¶ will i give you pity? Hah! ¶ 1535 01:26:57,323 --> 01:26:58,622 ¶ never would i with all the trouble i'm in ¶ 1536 01:26:58,624 --> 01:27:00,723 ¶ until the devil eat heart out cause i'm hotter than him ¶ 1537 01:27:00,724 --> 01:27:02,990 ¶ the other day kid was rockin' on the corner alone ¶ 1538 01:27:02,992 --> 01:27:04,589 ¶ and i was stroking my microphone ¶ 1539 01:27:04,591 --> 01:27:06,624 ¶ i heard him reciting somebody's record that was sold ¶ 1540 01:27:06,626 --> 01:27:08,824 ¶ though he was five years old i had to adjust some more ¶ 1541 01:27:08,826 --> 01:27:10,890 ¶ teach him a lesson no matter what the age ¶ 1542 01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:12,991 ¶ i'm on a rampage on and off the stage ¶ 1543 01:27:12,993 --> 01:27:14,191 ¶ you wanna copy of my record? ¶ 1544 01:27:14,193 --> 01:27:15,625 ¶ this is what you do ¶ 1545 01:27:15,626 --> 01:27:17,058 ¶ go to the precinct, and they'll give you a few ¶ 1546 01:27:17,060 --> 01:27:20,292 ¶ the mic stalker, stalker, stalker ¶ 1547 01:27:24,894 --> 01:27:27,160 ¶ i got a natural gift, i don't sniff ¶ 1548 01:27:27,162 --> 01:27:28,960 ¶ for a little lift, boy, my mother woulda whipped ¶ 1549 01:27:28,962 --> 01:27:31,794 ¶ i got accused when my mother gave me, never gave me dope ¶ 1550 01:27:31,796 --> 01:27:33,527 ¶ to coke, she say, just say no ¶ 1551 01:27:33,529 --> 01:27:35,428 ¶ it's criminal or premature ¶ 1552 01:27:35,430 --> 01:27:37,328 ¶ it's premeditated literature ¶ 1553 01:27:37,330 --> 01:27:41,162 ¶ the mic stalker, stalker, stalker ¶ 99044