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1
00:01:04,029 --> 00:01:06,411
My name is mine!
2
00:01:06,445 --> 00:01:08,723
And you're all full of shit!
3
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,304
Noah Arkwright,
you fucking useless,
4
00:01:37,338 --> 00:01:39,547
miserable piece of shit!
5
00:01:39,582 --> 00:01:40,893
Arrogant, pathetic,
6
00:01:40,928 --> 00:01:44,552
self-indulgent
motherfucking cunt!
7
00:01:44,587 --> 00:01:46,106
Which,
8
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,659
although grammatically
kind of all over the place,
9
00:01:47,693 --> 00:01:49,902
is a pretty accurate
character assessment.
10
00:01:49,937 --> 00:01:51,249
But then Ray is
my best mate.
11
00:01:51,283 --> 00:01:53,043
You'd expect him to
know me quite well.
12
00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:10,923
My name's Noah Arkwright...
13
00:02:10,958 --> 00:02:12,615
and I want my mum.
14
00:02:21,969 --> 00:02:23,281
I'm just supplying
the disease, aren't I?
15
00:02:23,315 --> 00:02:24,972
The rest is just
plain old storytelling.
16
00:02:25,006 --> 00:02:26,836
Look at you,
practicing your pithy quotes
17
00:02:26,870 --> 00:02:28,493
-for the press release.
18
00:02:28,527 --> 00:02:29,528
There you go.
19
00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:31,703
Yeah, hello?
20
00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:33,291
Yeah, it is, yeah.
21
00:02:42,714 --> 00:02:43,818
Thank you.
22
00:02:49,997 --> 00:02:51,343
Kirstin's dead.
23
00:02:53,552 --> 00:02:55,071
I've gotta go.
24
00:02:55,727 --> 00:02:56,866
She's...?
25
00:02:58,247 --> 00:02:59,351
Ray?
26
00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:09,465
Shit my pants.
27
00:03:09,499 --> 00:03:12,226
In just under 25 minutes,
28
00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:14,815
I've got to stand in front of
baggy there
29
00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:17,231
and his unimaginatively
centrally cast,
30
00:03:17,266 --> 00:03:20,096
overeducated middle English
fuckwit pals
31
00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:23,203
and read out loud
from my latest screenplay,
32
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:25,791
and I'm fucking terrified.
33
00:03:27,276 --> 00:03:28,691
I also feel
a little bit of a prat
34
00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:30,727
'cause I tried to drunkenly
peroxide my hair
35
00:03:30,762 --> 00:03:32,695
at a party last week,
and I've ended up with
36
00:03:32,729 --> 00:03:35,456
this kind of dead ginger
guinea pig thing on me head.
37
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,217
Anyway, fuck it.
38
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,701
Since my last two films,
39
00:03:38,735 --> 00:03:40,565
I've got quite major
cult status at the moment,
40
00:03:40,599 --> 00:03:42,498
so looking weird
probably adds to
41
00:03:42,532 --> 00:03:44,707
the whole rebel aspect
of my coolness.
42
00:03:44,741 --> 00:03:47,227
Hey, I don't make up
the rules.
43
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,021
And being the hottest
new filmmaker
44
00:03:49,056 --> 00:03:50,885
to come out of the U.K.
in years
45
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,508
may be a very
heady epithet,
46
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:54,544
but can I cut
the academic mustard?
47
00:03:54,579 --> 00:03:57,547
Are they just wasting their
money on some inarticulate fake
48
00:03:57,582 --> 00:04:00,309
whose main credentials are
good art house box office
49
00:04:00,343 --> 00:04:03,208
and critical reviews in
obscure foreign journals?
50
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,072
Always a healthy indicator
of class
51
00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:07,661
if some renowned critic in
Gdansk thinks you're cool.
52
00:04:09,387 --> 00:04:11,285
I am also drunk.
53
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,563
I hit the station bar at
King's Cross big style,
54
00:04:13,598 --> 00:04:15,807
and I've got seven
double vodkas in me.
55
00:04:16,325 --> 00:04:18,775
Very nice vodka, I like it.
56
00:04:19,638 --> 00:04:23,159
Aah... nice one, Noah!
Thanks, man.
57
00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:25,057
You charmer.
58
00:04:25,092 --> 00:04:27,577
In my pocket is
a half bottle of scotch,
59
00:04:27,612 --> 00:04:30,097
and in my head
there are two Valium,
60
00:04:30,131 --> 00:04:32,306
and quarter of
clinically pure cocaine.
61
00:04:33,618 --> 00:04:34,998
I know this condition well.
62
00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:37,138
It's usually
the last scene before
63
00:04:37,173 --> 00:04:39,624
the alcohol and chemical
oblivion scene.
64
00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:50,428
Oh, God...
65
00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:55,743
There's a bench
right in front of you,
66
00:04:55,778 --> 00:04:57,227
you blind drunk bastard.
67
00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:09,101
Anyway, this is where
I met Kirstin.
68
00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:11,656
She was a corn-fed piece of
undergraduate perfection
69
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:15,280
taking her beautiful breasts on
a gently bouncing journey
70
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,766
across the quad to listen to
me and my genius.
71
00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:20,630
And I was definitely gonna
fuck her.
72
00:05:20,665 --> 00:05:22,529
-Decided that on the spot.
73
00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:24,876
My celebrity status would
take care of that.
74
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,291
It'd be the thing that'd
keep me focused
75
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,155
for the next hour.
Good.
76
00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:30,916
Salvation in the shape of
a surefire fuck.
77
00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:34,368
This was turning into
my kind of gig.
78
00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:41,030
Just what the doctor
ordered.
79
00:05:42,307 --> 00:05:43,481
Up yours, doc.
80
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,868
Aah...!
81
00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:54,871
Stay strong!
Work with me!
82
00:05:54,906 --> 00:05:56,701
We're nearly there!
83
00:05:57,943 --> 00:05:59,738
Now I'm gonna take
an uneducated stab in
84
00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:03,121
the psychological dark that
it doesn't work like that.
85
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,191
Noah, mate.
86
00:06:04,225 --> 00:06:05,744
Take a look at the magazine.
87
00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:06,952
Yeah?
88
00:06:08,747 --> 00:06:11,060
Look, she comes from
the same manor as you.
89
00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:13,752
Her quartet are playing the
Fleming Hall tomorrow afternoon
90
00:06:13,787 --> 00:06:15,375
and you are gonna go
and see her play
91
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,066
and you are gonna take her
out for a nice cup of tea
92
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,757
after the show.
93
00:06:18,792 --> 00:06:20,863
Despite the fact that neither
of us have ever met this girl,
94
00:06:20,897 --> 00:06:23,521
you've decided that
this is a great idea
95
00:06:23,555 --> 00:06:25,902
based on this one
article, have you?
96
00:06:25,937 --> 00:06:27,697
Yes, I have,
'cause I can feel it.
97
00:06:27,732 --> 00:06:29,734
I don't what it is...
98
00:06:29,768 --> 00:06:32,599
but I can feel it
very strongly.
99
00:06:37,604 --> 00:06:38,708
Yeah, I saw that too,
100
00:06:38,743 --> 00:06:40,192
but then I'm
pretty fucked up--
101
00:06:40,227 --> 00:06:41,953
I don't know what
your excuse is.
102
00:06:45,819 --> 00:06:47,717
And this woman is
playing her cello
103
00:06:47,752 --> 00:06:48,960
in a place that floats
104
00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:50,720
somewhere between
heaven and earth.
105
00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:57,451
Fluid alabaster.
106
00:07:01,317 --> 00:07:03,940
I know every single person in
the room saw that smile,
107
00:07:03,975 --> 00:07:06,426
but I decide it's only meant
for me, of course...
108
00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:12,259
Because I'm a wanker.
109
00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:21,613
Totally out of my league.
110
00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:29,000
What the fuck
am I doing here?
111
00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:30,173
Ray, what have
you got me into?
112
00:07:34,937 --> 00:07:36,628
Maybe she never got
the note.
113
00:07:36,663 --> 00:07:38,181
Yeah, they never actually
pass 'em on,
114
00:07:38,216 --> 00:07:39,735
these stage door
jobsworths, anyway.
115
00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:40,943
It's straight in
the rubbish bin
116
00:07:40,977 --> 00:07:42,979
as soon as you're
out of sight.
117
00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:44,947
Good, well,
that's good.
118
00:07:44,981 --> 00:07:46,466
Probably for the best.
119
00:07:47,846 --> 00:07:48,847
Noah?
120
00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:52,057
Noah Arkwright?
121
00:07:54,957 --> 00:07:56,683
I'm Clare Mattheson.
122
00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:01,273
And somehow I knew
in that moment
123
00:08:01,308 --> 00:08:03,172
that she'd be in my life
forever.
124
00:08:07,348 --> 00:08:09,074
Bit pukey-pukey,
I know, but...
125
00:08:14,148 --> 00:08:15,495
Where the fuck am I?
126
00:08:22,398 --> 00:08:24,987
Oh, corn-fed perfection,
it's you.
127
00:08:25,021 --> 00:08:26,609
Things are looking up.
128
00:08:26,644 --> 00:08:27,921
Wonder how I got here.
129
00:08:29,025 --> 00:08:30,717
Wonder if I fucked you.
130
00:08:30,751 --> 00:08:33,029
I wonder how to possibly
ask that one.
131
00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:36,308
Oh, my fucking head.
Oh, Jesus Ronnie H.
132
00:08:36,343 --> 00:08:37,896
Fucking Corbett!
133
00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:39,346
Keep the noise down,
you prick,
134
00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:40,554
you'll wake Gustav.
135
00:08:41,037 --> 00:08:42,625
And who the cunting hell
is Gustav
136
00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:44,558
when he's not propping up
a bar in Kiev?
137
00:08:44,593 --> 00:08:48,148
He's my son, you...
dipso nonhead.
138
00:08:48,182 --> 00:08:49,667
At your service...
139
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:07,892
Stop staring and say sorry,
you twat.
140
00:09:08,927 --> 00:09:09,928
Hey, did we, uh...
141
00:09:09,963 --> 00:09:11,654
No, we most certainly
did not.
142
00:09:11,689 --> 00:09:12,897
Oh.
143
00:09:12,931 --> 00:09:14,243
How you even made it through
the reading
144
00:09:14,277 --> 00:09:15,934
is a freak
of nature.
145
00:09:15,969 --> 00:09:17,936
Hey, I'm a pro,
what can I tell you?
146
00:09:19,179 --> 00:09:21,768
Oh...
147
00:09:23,770 --> 00:09:25,012
Oh...
148
00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:29,051
Oh, God help me.
149
00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:31,881
Fucking Jesus fucking Christ
help me.
150
00:09:31,916 --> 00:09:33,434
He will if you let him.
151
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:44,066
Oh, that's all we need,
a divine inter-bloody-vention.
152
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:48,208
I think you think you're
funny, Noah. You're not.
153
00:09:48,242 --> 00:09:50,555
You're unfunny.
You're an arsehole.
154
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,937
You're an unfunny arsehole.
155
00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:01,946
Well, we're all agreed
on that, then.
156
00:10:04,983 --> 00:10:07,123
Hey, Gus.
157
00:10:07,158 --> 00:10:08,435
Thanks for the crib, man.
158
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:11,541
I'm... sorry I kind of, uh,
power-puked
159
00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:13,923
on your power men
here a little bit.
160
00:10:13,958 --> 00:10:15,580
I'll make it up to you,
though.
161
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,961
I'll, uh...
162
00:10:16,995 --> 00:10:19,929
I'll, uh, come round and...
163
00:10:19,964 --> 00:10:22,449
uh... bake you a cake
or something.
164
00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:23,484
Oh, Jesus...
165
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:26,626
You ready for this,
Noah?
166
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,662
I don't even know
what this is, do I?
167
00:10:28,697 --> 00:10:30,112
Didn't even know you
18 hours ago.
168
00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:32,424
You know what this is, Noah.
169
00:10:32,459 --> 00:10:34,875
You have an off-the-chart
drink problem.
170
00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:37,153
How do I know?
I used to have one,
171
00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:38,568
so I know
what they look like.
172
00:10:41,019 --> 00:10:43,643
You were sent to me
so that I could save you.
173
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,128
Oh, wow, look how I won
the top prize.
174
00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:48,406
Shook a seven and ended up
with Mother Teresa's
175
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,476
little fucking helper.
176
00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:50,960
Noah...
177
00:10:50,995 --> 00:10:53,376
yesterday's history,
tomorrow's a mystery.
178
00:10:53,411 --> 00:10:56,207
Is it? Oh, well, I'll bear that
in mind, shall I?
179
00:10:56,241 --> 00:10:58,381
When you get inside, Noah,
just remember,
180
00:10:58,416 --> 00:11:00,625
look for the similarities,
not the differences.
181
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,317
What, like, "Oh, that's bloke's
got the same jacket on as me"?
182
00:11:07,805 --> 00:11:09,807
Oh, I did pack some
spare coke after all.
183
00:11:09,841 --> 00:11:11,601
Oh, Noah, you really are
a clever,
184
00:11:11,636 --> 00:11:12,982
naughty little druggie.
185
00:11:14,639 --> 00:11:16,330
-Ready?
-Yeah.
186
00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:18,470
Yeah, I am, I'm ready.
I am.
187
00:11:18,505 --> 00:11:21,819
And listen, thank you
very much indeed, okay?
188
00:11:22,889 --> 00:11:23,890
Come on.
189
00:11:24,994 --> 00:11:26,306
Come on, let's do it,
shall we?
190
00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:27,617
I'm ready,
let's have it.
191
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,208
Ah...
192
00:11:32,243 --> 00:11:34,832
It is... showtime.
193
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,663
welcome to the
St. Stephen's Thursday morning
194
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,907
step meeting for
Alcoholics Anonymous.
195
00:11:40,941 --> 00:11:43,012
Can we start with
a moment of silence
196
00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:44,531
to remember why we're here,
197
00:11:44,565 --> 00:11:46,878
and those still-suffering
alcoholics
198
00:11:46,913 --> 00:11:49,916
who've not yet made it
into these rooms?
199
00:11:55,093 --> 00:11:57,613
Who the fuck's
he waving at?
200
00:11:57,647 --> 00:11:59,926
He wants fucking loonies
anonymous, doesn't he?
201
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,376
It's a tradition that
we go round the room
202
00:12:02,411 --> 00:12:05,759
and introduce ourselves so we
can put a name to a face.
203
00:12:05,794 --> 00:12:07,657
And remember,
if it's your first time,
204
00:12:07,692 --> 00:12:11,420
just sit back, listen,
205
00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:13,215
try not to be afraid,
206
00:12:13,249 --> 00:12:16,943
and look for the similarities,
not the differences.
207
00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:18,392
Oh, someone else got
the new pages
208
00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:19,877
under her door last night.
209
00:12:21,223 --> 00:12:22,258
Okay?
210
00:12:23,052 --> 00:12:25,779
Hi, my name is Darren
211
00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:28,161
and... I'm an alcoholic.
212
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:29,403
Hi, Darren.
213
00:12:29,438 --> 00:12:30,888
Hi, Darren.
214
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:35,030
Hello, everyone, I'm Marion
and I'm an alcoholic.
215
00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:36,894
Hi, Marion.
216
00:12:36,928 --> 00:12:40,035
Hi, my name is Tom
and I'm an alcoholic.
217
00:12:40,069 --> 00:12:42,106
-Hi, Tom.
-Tom the alkie.
218
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:46,593
Hello, my name's Kirstin
and... I'm an alcoholic.
219
00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:47,939
Hi, Kirstin.
220
00:12:49,251 --> 00:12:50,217
Oh, my go?
221
00:12:51,978 --> 00:12:54,601
My name is mine!
222
00:12:54,635 --> 00:12:57,086
And you're all full of shit!
223
00:13:00,952 --> 00:13:03,092
No point following
the chase, right?
224
00:13:03,127 --> 00:13:04,576
We all know the next bit.
225
00:13:04,611 --> 00:13:06,924
This is where we came in,
as they used to say.
226
00:13:06,958 --> 00:13:09,823
Okay, Mr. Arkwright.
227
00:13:09,858 --> 00:13:11,307
Fuck knows
how I got here.
228
00:13:11,342 --> 00:13:13,344
I'm not even sure
I'm alive.
229
00:13:13,378 --> 00:13:15,311
Could murder a scotch,
though, I do know that.
230
00:13:15,346 --> 00:13:16,830
Or even a cuppa.
231
00:13:16,865 --> 00:13:19,591
Sadly, neither seem to be
on offer here.
232
00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:21,697
I get the feeling I'm in
the "home truths" suite
233
00:13:21,731 --> 00:13:24,665
of the "sit down and
fucking listen" motel.
234
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,806
-And sure enough...
-Let me give it to you straight.
235
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,947
Here it comes.
The state of my union address.
236
00:13:29,981 --> 00:13:31,914
-Your liver is enlarged.
-Uh-huh.
237
00:13:31,949 --> 00:13:33,882
Your prostate is enlarged.
238
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,023
Your testicles are enlarged.
239
00:13:37,057 --> 00:13:40,129
So tempted to go for
the cheap quip here.
240
00:13:40,164 --> 00:13:43,167
Is that a fact?
Big fucking... testicles?
241
00:13:43,201 --> 00:13:44,789
But I don't fancy
a bollocking
242
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,756
from doc eyebrows
in the state I'm in,
243
00:13:46,791 --> 00:13:47,999
so I stay schtum.
244
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:49,690
There are traces of blood
in your urine.
245
00:13:50,899 --> 00:13:53,108
-Your nostrils are enlarged.
-Really?
246
00:13:53,142 --> 00:13:55,835
And your septum
has more holes in it
247
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,733
than a cheese grater.
248
00:13:57,767 --> 00:14:00,667
Shit, a gag from the doc.
I can respect that.
249
00:14:00,701 --> 00:14:03,152
Your blood alcohol level
is off the scale.
250
00:14:03,187 --> 00:14:05,775
I'd fucking hope so,
the money I've spent on it, doc.
251
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,882
However... your blood
pressure is very low,
252
00:14:08,917 --> 00:14:10,608
almost reptilian.
253
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:11,989
Who cast this cunt?
254
00:14:12,023 --> 00:14:13,818
Which I suspect is one of
the few reasons
255
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,544
you're still alive.
256
00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:18,236
So, in words of
one syllable, then,
257
00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:19,824
you know, just...
258
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,619
Mr. Arkwright, I am not
in the business of
259
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:23,241
making fun of ill health.
260
00:14:24,104 --> 00:14:27,383
So instead of indulging you
in your dismissive attitude,
261
00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:29,178
I will be blunt with you.
262
00:14:29,213 --> 00:14:32,664
Do not be fooled by this
semi-healthy outward appearance,
263
00:14:32,699 --> 00:14:35,495
which may fool your
film friends...
264
00:14:35,529 --> 00:14:36,979
Which it does.
265
00:14:37,014 --> 00:14:38,878
Not that I've got that many
film friends,
266
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,259
or any other type of friends,
for that matter.
267
00:14:41,294 --> 00:14:43,089
Let me be absolutely
clear with you.
268
00:14:43,641 --> 00:14:47,196
If you do not stop this
idiotic consumption,
269
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,027
you will be dead
in three years.
270
00:14:53,375 --> 00:14:55,204
Do you understand
what I'm telling you?
271
00:14:55,239 --> 00:14:56,826
Three years.
272
00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,207
Be lucky to get
two more films made,
273
00:14:58,242 --> 00:14:59,933
maybe only one.
274
00:14:59,968 --> 00:15:01,038
Please,
someone give me a drink.
275
00:15:01,072 --> 00:15:02,453
I need a drink--
No, you don't.
276
00:15:02,487 --> 00:15:05,835
Yes, I do--
No, you don't.
277
00:15:05,870 --> 00:15:07,527
Yes, I do.
278
00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:09,425
Ask yourself, Noah,
279
00:15:09,460 --> 00:15:12,256
"Am I not sick and tired of
being sick and tired?"
280
00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:23,681
My name is Noah
and I'm an alcoholic.
281
00:15:25,407 --> 00:15:28,928
I want to say it out loud but
I'm too sick and too tired.
282
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:34,416
So all I can do is...
283
00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:36,970
Oh, fucking hell...
284
00:15:37,005 --> 00:15:40,249
Please say cut on this scene,
please, for fuck's sake?
285
00:15:40,284 --> 00:15:43,873
Will you just fucking cut?
Please cut, cut, cut...
286
00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:47,739
Just fucking cut, will you?
287
00:15:47,774 --> 00:15:50,156
I get it, I get it, I get it,
I get it, I get it,
288
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:52,227
I fucking get it.
I'm fucked up, all right?
289
00:15:52,261 --> 00:15:54,608
I'm fucked up! I get it!
I fucking get it!
290
00:15:54,643 --> 00:15:56,817
Cut, all right? Cut!
I'm the fucking director!
291
00:15:56,852 --> 00:16:00,131
And I say fucking cut, doctor!
Cut! Cut!
292
00:16:01,512 --> 00:16:03,824
Yes, he agrees
he needs treatment.
293
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,896
He's happy to come
immediately.
294
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,177
No, I'll get him there.
295
00:16:12,592 --> 00:16:13,834
Thank you, doctor.
296
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:17,010
You were at the meeting, Ray.
How, how? How did you--
297
00:16:17,045 --> 00:16:18,494
What were you doing
at the meeting?
298
00:16:18,529 --> 00:16:19,840
How did you get to
the meeting?
299
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,842
I mean, you live
fucking miles away, man.
300
00:16:21,877 --> 00:16:23,672
What is this, some kind of
a conspiracy or something?
301
00:16:23,706 --> 00:16:25,674
Kirstin found my number
on an old call sheet
302
00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:27,365
inside your pocket.
303
00:16:28,815 --> 00:16:30,230
Called me last night.
304
00:16:31,404 --> 00:16:33,958
I had no idea Ray was
your best friend.
305
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,442
But it shows
another way that
306
00:16:35,477 --> 00:16:37,065
destiny's
trying to help you.
307
00:16:39,067 --> 00:16:41,379
There are no coincidences,
Noah.
308
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:46,315
And with that sexy little
addition to the sloganography,
309
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:49,456
they looked at each other with
this strange kind of oneness.
310
00:16:49,491 --> 00:16:50,975
It was pretty sickly,
311
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,288
like they'd known each other
for years, not hours.
312
00:16:53,322 --> 00:16:54,668
I didn't want to freak you
out in the meeting,
313
00:16:54,703 --> 00:16:56,912
so, you know, I just
kept my head down.
314
00:16:57,982 --> 00:17:00,019
Now there's nothing to hide,
is there?
315
00:17:01,779 --> 00:17:03,781
I've been in the program
for a while now.
316
00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:07,578
Ever since Greece.
317
00:17:08,268 --> 00:17:10,063
You know,
the calamari deal.
318
00:17:10,098 --> 00:17:11,616
Remember?
319
00:17:11,651 --> 00:17:12,859
About 18 months ago,
320
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:14,309
we were down in Greece,
me and Ray.
321
00:17:14,343 --> 00:17:16,207
We'd been picking up some
second unit footage
322
00:17:16,242 --> 00:17:18,071
for a movie of the week,
which we didn't really need.
323
00:17:18,106 --> 00:17:20,591
So after a day shooting
various fishermen
324
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,144
unloading all kinds of
smelly fish,
325
00:17:22,179 --> 00:17:23,525
we settled down for
a hard day's night
326
00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:25,354
of drinking ouzo...
and about anything else
327
00:17:25,389 --> 00:17:26,804
they cared to set
in front of us.
328
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,013
-Oh!
329
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,015
Now, Ray is going at it
for Great Britain,
330
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,086
but I'm pacing myself
because
331
00:17:33,121 --> 00:17:36,607
I think I might be in with old
white blouse over there.
332
00:17:40,197 --> 00:17:41,577
See you later, Ray.
333
00:17:41,612 --> 00:17:43,407
Which turns out
to be correct.
334
00:17:48,205 --> 00:17:50,207
Next morning,
I'm a little bit fuzzy,
335
00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:51,760
but I've been
healthily pumped,
336
00:17:51,794 --> 00:17:53,210
and that always helps
the hangover--
337
00:17:53,244 --> 00:17:54,625
I don't know why,
but it does.
338
00:17:54,659 --> 00:17:56,178
Must be an endorphin thing.
339
00:17:56,213 --> 00:17:57,938
Obviously,
Johnny endorphin
340
00:17:57,973 --> 00:17:59,630
enjoys a good shag
like the rest of us
341
00:17:59,664 --> 00:18:01,010
and he passes on
the good faith by
342
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:03,841
letting you off in
the hangover department.
343
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,912
Great fucking deal
if you ask me.
344
00:18:13,575 --> 00:18:14,748
Not that I'm surprised.
345
00:18:15,991 --> 00:18:17,786
Ah, kalimera.
346
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:19,926
Kalimera.
Hey, you seen him?
347
00:18:20,927 --> 00:18:22,273
Calamari!
348
00:18:23,378 --> 00:18:25,380
Calamari!
349
00:18:25,414 --> 00:18:26,967
Then he starts waving
his hands about
350
00:18:27,002 --> 00:18:28,210
like an idiot, yelling...
351
00:18:28,245 --> 00:18:29,763
Calamari!
352
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,147
Kalimerais
"good morning."
353
00:18:34,182 --> 00:18:36,184
This is calamari!
354
00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:41,361
Kalameri. Kalameri.
355
00:18:43,639 --> 00:18:45,400
-Ooh...
-All right, Ray man?
356
00:18:45,434 --> 00:18:46,918
Oh... No, look,
no, no, look,
357
00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:48,610
he's smiling.
358
00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:50,922
Look, kissy...
Give us a kiss.
359
00:18:50,957 --> 00:18:52,441
-Go on, mate, have at it.
360
00:18:52,476 --> 00:18:53,649
Oh, give us a kiss.
361
00:18:53,684 --> 00:18:55,686
And he gives it a great
big smacker.
362
00:18:57,205 --> 00:18:58,620
Which the squid
obviously liked,
363
00:18:58,654 --> 00:19:00,173
'cause he responded
with equal affection.
364
00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:07,007
And that's when I knew
it was serious.
365
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:12,254
It's like something
out of theAlien.
366
00:19:12,289 --> 00:19:15,084
Ray was shit-scared.
I mean, he couldn't breathe.
367
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:16,810
And this little fucker
wasn't letting go.
368
00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:18,571
Get off him, man!
Fucking get off him!
369
00:19:20,124 --> 00:19:21,608
Ray, fucking breathe,
man, breathe!
370
00:19:21,643 --> 00:19:24,024
-Fucking--
371
00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:26,510
It was horrible.
372
00:19:27,821 --> 00:19:29,237
Come on, man, get off him!
373
00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:32,999
It took all of
the fisherman's strength
374
00:19:33,033 --> 00:19:35,760
to pull that little bastard
off of Ray's face.
375
00:19:35,795 --> 00:19:37,210
Get off him!
376
00:19:39,143 --> 00:19:41,041
Oh, fuck.
377
00:19:41,076 --> 00:19:43,596
-Ray, Ray, Ray--
-Fuck off!
378
00:19:45,529 --> 00:19:46,702
Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!
379
00:19:46,737 --> 00:19:47,876
Come here, mate,
it's all right.
380
00:19:47,910 --> 00:19:50,327
Ray, it's all right,
come here.
381
00:19:50,361 --> 00:19:53,606
And he sobbed like I've never
heard a man sob before
382
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,297
or since.
383
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:58,024
Except myself.
384
00:19:59,543 --> 00:20:01,855
And right now here was Ray
telling me it was that day
385
00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:03,478
he realized he had to
kill the booze
386
00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:05,169
or it would kill him.
387
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,102
And since then, he's always had
a string of ready-to-go reasons
388
00:20:07,136 --> 00:20:08,931
why he couldn't
come out for a drink,
389
00:20:08,966 --> 00:20:11,140
which I never really
questioned at the time.
390
00:20:11,175 --> 00:20:12,728
So, dots were joined.
391
00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:14,799
take care now.
392
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,733
It's the best thing that ever
happened to you, mate, trust me.
393
00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:19,148
Why didn't you
tell me, Ray?
394
00:20:19,183 --> 00:20:20,426
You should have fucking
told me--
395
00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:21,806
You should have
fucking told me!
396
00:20:21,841 --> 00:20:22,876
Sorry.
397
00:20:23,429 --> 00:20:24,602
I love you, mate.
398
00:20:44,829 --> 00:20:48,108
You bet your sweet life
I'm looking for a bar.
399
00:20:48,143 --> 00:20:50,249
Any joint with
a pulse'll do.
400
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,078
don't think I'm going to
the alkie home
401
00:20:52,112 --> 00:20:53,424
without a livener
in me, do you?
402
00:20:57,152 --> 00:20:59,430
For a good 20 high-tension
minutes, there's nothing.
403
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,746
I can feel the panic
rising.
404
00:21:08,784 --> 00:21:12,201
And I resort to the prayer
of the condemned man.
405
00:21:12,236 --> 00:21:14,273
Dear God, just one last time,
please.
406
00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:19,623
Then I'll be good forever
and ever, amen.
407
00:21:24,593 --> 00:21:26,077
Oh, you little beauty!
408
00:21:26,112 --> 00:21:27,665
Pull over here and wait.
409
00:21:30,427 --> 00:21:32,083
Ten minutes,
all that's required.
410
00:21:32,118 --> 00:21:33,430
Ha!
411
00:21:33,464 --> 00:21:35,501
Four tequila doubles
with salt and lime.
412
00:21:36,605 --> 00:21:38,435
Oh, fucking hell!
413
00:21:39,470 --> 00:21:41,714
Oh, fucking hell.
414
00:21:45,683 --> 00:21:48,583
Tequila! Tequila!
415
00:21:48,617 --> 00:21:50,585
I now have four liquid worms
in my gut
416
00:21:50,619 --> 00:21:52,518
and a bush fire
starting in my veins.
417
00:21:54,485 --> 00:21:57,523
And in a typical alcohol-fueled
fit of self-congratulation,
418
00:21:57,557 --> 00:21:59,456
I decide that in spite of
all the woes,
419
00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:02,390
I haven't done bad for a
snake-belted, gray-shorted,
420
00:22:02,424 --> 00:22:05,807
motherless snotty kid from a
council estate in Workington.
421
00:22:07,015 --> 00:22:08,257
When I was seven,
422
00:22:08,292 --> 00:22:10,121
I went to live
with my aunt and uncle,
423
00:22:10,156 --> 00:22:12,814
and one day this gypsy came
and read my palm.
424
00:22:12,848 --> 00:22:14,885
She said I would go far
from this place
425
00:22:14,919 --> 00:22:17,439
and in my middle years
I would become very ill,
426
00:22:17,474 --> 00:22:19,199
and how right she was.
427
00:22:19,234 --> 00:22:21,167
Whatever big city or
high-falutin' situation
428
00:22:21,201 --> 00:22:22,617
I've been in since then,
429
00:22:22,651 --> 00:22:24,791
I've crawled back into
that hole in the road
430
00:22:24,826 --> 00:22:26,724
every night,
drunk, drugged
431
00:22:26,759 --> 00:22:29,002
and feeling that
nameless fear.
432
00:22:30,107 --> 00:22:31,626
If I carry on with
the pattern,
433
00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:33,628
I'll make the second half of
the gypsy's prediction
434
00:22:33,662 --> 00:22:35,354
come true.
435
00:22:35,388 --> 00:22:38,357
Might even go mid-line,
mid-swig, mid-fuck.
436
00:22:39,081 --> 00:22:40,566
Or maybe all three.
437
00:22:41,049 --> 00:22:43,016
Or maybe all fucking three,
mate, eh?
438
00:22:43,051 --> 00:22:44,604
Maybe all fucking three.
439
00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:46,710
What do you think
about that?
440
00:22:46,744 --> 00:22:48,953
I'm going to rehab, mate,
I'm going to rehab.
441
00:22:49,575 --> 00:22:51,715
Fucking rehab
they've sent me to.
442
00:22:54,752 --> 00:22:56,478
Fucking rehab.
443
00:22:56,513 --> 00:22:59,239
I don't wanna go, frankly.
444
00:22:59,274 --> 00:23:01,207
But I must still want to live,
mustn't I,
445
00:23:01,241 --> 00:23:02,898
or else I
wouldn't be in this cab
446
00:23:02,933 --> 00:23:05,038
traveling up the gravel drive
to the funny farm
447
00:23:05,073 --> 00:23:06,523
and all points beyond.
448
00:23:08,248 --> 00:23:09,733
And just then,
a little bit of Becket
449
00:23:09,767 --> 00:23:11,459
pops uninvited
into my head.
450
00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:13,806
I decide to share.
451
00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:16,705
"Perhaps my best years
are gone,
452
00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:19,605
"when there was
a chance of happiness,
453
00:23:19,639 --> 00:23:21,330
"but I wouldn't want them back,
454
00:23:21,365 --> 00:23:23,885
not with the fire in me now."
455
00:23:26,439 --> 00:23:28,372
Oh, my God, Noah,
456
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,961
you pretentious
cunting fuckwad!
457
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:38,520
Hello, there.
458
00:23:39,314 --> 00:23:40,833
Oh, hello, love.
I didn't hear you come back.
459
00:23:42,386 --> 00:23:43,629
I was bloody miles away there.
460
00:23:43,663 --> 00:23:45,665
I was having a little--
a little reminisce.
461
00:23:46,459 --> 00:23:47,736
Listen, Noah, Etta and I
462
00:23:47,771 --> 00:23:49,358
are going to go to the cottage
for the weekend.
463
00:23:50,636 --> 00:23:51,982
Now, don't be angry.
464
00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:54,018
Why would I be angry?
465
00:23:54,985 --> 00:23:56,573
I am angry.
466
00:23:56,607 --> 00:23:58,437
What the fuck is she going
down there with Etta for?
467
00:23:58,471 --> 00:23:59,921
She knows I'm threatened
by Etta and her,
468
00:23:59,955 --> 00:24:01,819
oh, so safe in the knowledge
of her lot in life
469
00:24:01,854 --> 00:24:03,752
"Second violin. I could have
been first violin,
470
00:24:03,787 --> 00:24:05,167
but I chose
the supporting role"
471
00:24:05,202 --> 00:24:07,031
bullshit she doesn't mean
a fucking word of.
472
00:24:08,688 --> 00:24:10,345
Noah, everything's all right,
isn't it?
473
00:24:10,932 --> 00:24:12,589
You're not keeping
anything from me?
474
00:24:13,693 --> 00:24:14,832
No, of course not, why?
475
00:24:15,212 --> 00:24:17,421
Because you've been pretty
bloody strange recently,
476
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:18,974
even for you.
477
00:24:20,113 --> 00:24:21,770
Tell her now.
Tell her.
478
00:24:22,702 --> 00:24:23,945
Tell her the cancer's back.
479
00:24:24,704 --> 00:24:27,120
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry,
it's-- it's just these
480
00:24:27,155 --> 00:24:28,984
fucking tossers at
the film council.
481
00:24:29,019 --> 00:24:30,745
You know they like to
play God with you.
482
00:24:30,779 --> 00:24:32,160
It just winds me up.
I'm sorry.
483
00:24:33,817 --> 00:24:36,785
Okay. I'm gonna ask you.
484
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,651
Are you having an affair?
485
00:24:40,686 --> 00:24:43,102
You see, I knew she'd
bloody think this.
486
00:24:43,136 --> 00:24:46,864
No. I am so not having
an affair, Clare, actually,
487
00:24:46,899 --> 00:24:47,900
thanks a lot, no.
488
00:24:48,348 --> 00:24:50,316
Then you must be
drinking again.
489
00:24:50,350 --> 00:24:51,386
No!
490
00:24:52,076 --> 00:24:54,009
Jesus, you are
such a nightmare.
491
00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:56,702
Everything else is all right?
492
00:24:56,736 --> 00:24:58,151
Here's your chance.
Tell her.
493
00:24:58,186 --> 00:25:01,051
Yeah. Yeah, my-- yeah, um,
health's fine, I'm fine.
494
00:25:01,085 --> 00:25:04,157
Well, then, what the fuck
is wrong with you? Huh?
495
00:25:04,192 --> 00:25:06,608
This should be one of the
happiest times of our lives!
496
00:25:06,643 --> 00:25:09,369
Our second child's on the way,
you're well,
497
00:25:09,404 --> 00:25:11,337
I'm sawing,
money's no problem.
498
00:25:11,371 --> 00:25:13,960
Jesus Christ, Noah,
I even want you!
499
00:25:13,995 --> 00:25:15,203
I'm even horny!
500
00:25:15,824 --> 00:25:18,517
Every time I come near you, you
look at me like I'm radioactive!
501
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,004
Don't go to the cottage,
Clare, please.
502
00:25:23,038 --> 00:25:26,110
Oh, it's all arranged.
You get Coral from school.
503
00:25:26,455 --> 00:25:28,216
You know, and maybe
you should think about
504
00:25:28,250 --> 00:25:29,562
going to one of
those meetings
505
00:25:29,597 --> 00:25:31,668
where you do whatever it is
you do to change,
506
00:25:31,702 --> 00:25:34,049
'cause you are fucking
impossible at the moment!
507
00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,120
Tell them I told you so!
508
00:25:38,502 --> 00:25:39,883
I love you!
509
00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:44,370
With every inch
of my heart.
510
00:25:45,060 --> 00:25:46,096
Tell her.
511
00:25:46,924 --> 00:25:48,201
I know you do.
512
00:25:48,788 --> 00:25:50,928
But do you understand
what it means?
513
00:25:52,171 --> 00:25:53,275
Yes.
514
00:26:01,594 --> 00:26:04,701
Oh, shit, why didn't I
tell her as soon as I knew?
515
00:26:05,909 --> 00:26:07,704
We'd have had choices then.
516
00:26:08,739 --> 00:26:10,430
But how could I?
517
00:26:10,465 --> 00:26:12,881
Timing just couldn't have
been worse.
518
00:26:15,297 --> 00:26:18,715
Oh, whoopti boopti
fucking boo.
519
00:26:21,407 --> 00:26:22,995
Welcome back, guys.
520
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:24,583
Missed ya.
521
00:26:25,549 --> 00:26:26,723
Darling?
522
00:26:34,662 --> 00:26:36,180
Got something to tell you.
523
00:26:36,664 --> 00:26:38,182
Yeah, me too.
524
00:26:38,217 --> 00:26:39,805
You first.
525
00:26:39,839 --> 00:26:41,013
No, no, you.
526
00:26:41,738 --> 00:26:43,463
Okay.
527
00:26:43,498 --> 00:26:45,880
I'm pregnant again.
528
00:26:45,914 --> 00:26:47,778
And the scene is
frozen in time
529
00:26:47,813 --> 00:26:49,504
for a hundred
thousand years.
530
00:26:49,538 --> 00:26:52,265
The chemo last year had
basically been a neutron bomb
531
00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:54,474
making instant corpses of
billions of sperm,
532
00:26:54,509 --> 00:26:57,236
and now this,
the against-all-odds one.
533
00:26:57,270 --> 00:26:59,479
Oh, he giveth and he taketh
fucking away, all right,
534
00:26:59,514 --> 00:27:00,757
old God,
I'll give him that.
535
00:27:00,791 --> 00:27:02,448
He's got that fucker down.
536
00:27:03,311 --> 00:27:05,382
Noah, you happy?
537
00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:07,660
Of course I am, darling.
538
00:27:07,971 --> 00:27:10,214
God, that's fantastic!
I'm happy as a sandboy!
539
00:27:11,664 --> 00:27:13,666
-Me too, sandgirl.
-Sandboy, sandgirl.
540
00:27:13,701 --> 00:27:16,048
-Oh, God, that's fantastic.
541
00:27:16,669 --> 00:27:18,844
Oh--
Oh, that's fantastic.
542
00:27:18,878 --> 00:27:20,397
-Go on, your go.
-What?
543
00:27:20,431 --> 00:27:21,916
You wanted to say something.
544
00:27:21,950 --> 00:27:24,366
Oh, God, no, no, no.
Pales into insignificance
545
00:27:24,401 --> 00:27:26,506
in the presence of such
loftiness, darling.
546
00:27:26,886 --> 00:27:28,025
Oh, no, come on, come on.
547
00:27:28,060 --> 00:27:29,371
I don't want to steal
the front page.
548
00:27:29,406 --> 00:27:30,821
No, take it, it's yours,
don't worry about it.
549
00:27:30,856 --> 00:27:32,616
Mine was only on page seven
at the very, very best,
550
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:33,686
I promise you.
551
00:27:34,307 --> 00:27:36,309
-Oh, oh, I should call Etta.
-Oh, yeah.
552
00:27:36,344 --> 00:27:37,759
-Do you mind?
-No, no, course not.
553
00:27:37,794 --> 00:27:39,002
Go on, call her.
554
00:27:39,416 --> 00:27:41,004
No, she's your mate.
Go and call her.
555
00:27:53,568 --> 00:27:56,467
Yeah, that was the day,
all right.
556
00:27:56,502 --> 00:27:57,848
Not long after
Billy Bob's brother
557
00:27:57,883 --> 00:27:59,608
had given me his present,
I got another one.
558
00:28:01,403 --> 00:28:02,991
I'd got Clare
to come to Morocco
559
00:28:03,026 --> 00:28:04,683
on such a line
of bullshit.
560
00:28:04,717 --> 00:28:07,064
It was only our second meeting
over coffee.
561
00:28:07,375 --> 00:28:08,514
Going to shoot in
Morocco, so...
562
00:28:08,548 --> 00:28:09,722
-Morocco?
-Yeah.
563
00:28:09,757 --> 00:28:11,448
How exciting.
564
00:28:11,482 --> 00:28:14,002
-What's the film called?
-It's called Kobo.
565
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:17,868
I've been working on it for
about six months now.
566
00:28:17,903 --> 00:28:19,180
Liar.
567
00:28:19,214 --> 00:28:21,182
Um, got a big studio
behind me.
568
00:28:21,216 --> 00:28:22,804
Bullshit,
you fucking big liar.
569
00:28:22,839 --> 00:28:25,531
And a major actor--
afraid I can't tell you who,
570
00:28:25,565 --> 00:28:27,015
'cause of the old,
you know--
571
00:28:27,050 --> 00:28:28,361
wants to play the lead part.
572
00:28:28,396 --> 00:28:29,535
You could be a major actor,
Arkwright,
573
00:28:29,569 --> 00:28:30,881
this is such crapola.
574
00:28:31,571 --> 00:28:33,401
It all sounds great.
575
00:28:33,435 --> 00:28:36,162
You must be very highly
thought of.
576
00:28:36,197 --> 00:28:38,061
Me? Oh, yeah, I'm one of
life's most celebrated
577
00:28:38,095 --> 00:28:39,372
horseshit peddlers.
578
00:28:39,407 --> 00:28:41,374
Anyway, um...
579
00:28:41,409 --> 00:28:43,376
Go on, then, get to
the knicker-wetting bit. Ask her.
580
00:28:43,411 --> 00:28:45,068
I wondered if you might
want to come with me.
581
00:28:48,243 --> 00:28:51,799
Not a good idea.
582
00:28:53,939 --> 00:28:57,943
There's a man who follows
my career very closely.
583
00:28:58,875 --> 00:29:01,498
He sends me a red rose
for every performance.
584
00:29:01,532 --> 00:29:02,879
I've never met him.
585
00:29:02,913 --> 00:29:04,743
What the fuck is she
telling me this now for?
586
00:29:04,777 --> 00:29:07,953
He's asked me to
meet him in Paris.
587
00:29:07,987 --> 00:29:10,024
Okay, you better deal with
this, big boy, okay?
588
00:29:10,058 --> 00:29:11,611
Deal with this immediate
jealousy and anger
589
00:29:11,646 --> 00:29:13,544
you are feeling.
590
00:29:13,579 --> 00:29:14,580
A red rose
every performance,
591
00:29:14,614 --> 00:29:16,064
I'll kill the motherfucker.
592
00:29:16,099 --> 00:29:17,341
Oh, uh, when?
593
00:29:18,135 --> 00:29:19,999
Weekend after next perhaps.
594
00:29:21,380 --> 00:29:22,346
Do it now, dipshit.
595
00:29:22,381 --> 00:29:23,762
Say something magnanimous
596
00:29:23,796 --> 00:29:26,109
or you will blow this
right here and now.
597
00:29:26,143 --> 00:29:28,732
Well, P-Paris is beautiful,
isn't it, you know what I mean?
598
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,216
Even in March.
599
00:29:30,251 --> 00:29:32,218
Absolutely fucking useless,
you twat.
600
00:29:32,253 --> 00:29:33,875
Horrible,
just plain horrible.
601
00:29:33,910 --> 00:29:35,843
Go again, this time
with feeling.
602
00:29:36,153 --> 00:29:37,430
Noah...
603
00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:38,984
Sorry?
604
00:29:40,261 --> 00:29:42,504
Something happened between us
when we first met.
605
00:29:43,195 --> 00:29:45,093
Something
that could become very big.
606
00:29:45,818 --> 00:29:47,716
You felt it too,
didn't you?
607
00:29:50,340 --> 00:29:52,031
Yeah, I felt it, yeah.
608
00:29:53,619 --> 00:29:55,828
Well, then you will know
that I must go to Paris
609
00:29:55,863 --> 00:29:59,004
and see this man and...
610
00:30:00,177 --> 00:30:01,661
And she lets it
hang there.
611
00:30:01,696 --> 00:30:03,525
Bloody, hell, she's good,
I'll give her that.
612
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,527
Classy. And she wants me
to condone it.
613
00:30:05,562 --> 00:30:06,977
But I can't,
I can't say it,
614
00:30:07,012 --> 00:30:08,496
I can't say,
"Of course, you must go
615
00:30:08,530 --> 00:30:10,015
and spend some time
with the rose man of Paris.
616
00:30:10,049 --> 00:30:12,258
Go, go, please,
with my blessing."
617
00:30:12,293 --> 00:30:13,639
I hope his dick is
two inches long
618
00:30:13,673 --> 00:30:15,020
and he has a curious
lupus-type affliction
619
00:30:15,054 --> 00:30:17,332
which manifests itself
by his head falling off
620
00:30:17,367 --> 00:30:18,437
at inopportune moments.
621
00:30:21,129 --> 00:30:22,648
Then I get a rare moment
of inspiration.
622
00:30:22,682 --> 00:30:24,167
Ha! Genius!
623
00:30:24,201 --> 00:30:25,651
Here you are,
Robert Doisneau.
624
00:30:25,685 --> 00:30:27,446
Snap this photo,
you French fuck,
625
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,482
and slap it in your
album de Paris.
626
00:30:32,865 --> 00:30:34,315
Thank you, Noah.
627
00:30:34,660 --> 00:30:35,799
You know,
for a moment there,
628
00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:36,938
I thought you were gonna
handle it badly.
629
00:30:46,879 --> 00:30:48,743
Clare came to Morocco
with me,
630
00:30:48,777 --> 00:30:51,194
and in between Essaouira
and Marrakesh,
631
00:30:51,228 --> 00:30:52,851
we made love
for the first time.
632
00:30:54,542 --> 00:30:56,682
In truth, the reason I'm
still awake is that
633
00:30:56,716 --> 00:30:59,098
I realized that I made love
for the first time...
634
00:30:59,133 --> 00:31:00,789
ever.
635
00:31:00,824 --> 00:31:03,896
More pukey-pukey, I know,
but it's true.
636
00:31:03,931 --> 00:31:05,656
I, Noah the fuckmeister,
637
00:31:05,691 --> 00:31:08,038
the man who in
any emotional storm
638
00:31:08,073 --> 00:31:11,386
would dock his cock in
any vaginal port
639
00:31:11,421 --> 00:31:13,285
had never actually made
love to a woman before.
640
00:31:19,222 --> 00:31:20,430
Penny for them.
641
00:31:21,776 --> 00:31:24,330
I was just thinking,
today's my birthday, you know.
642
00:31:24,365 --> 00:31:25,400
It's April first.
643
00:31:26,677 --> 00:31:27,886
Huh.
644
00:31:29,025 --> 00:31:31,475
Which one of us is the fool
today, I wonder?
645
00:31:33,201 --> 00:31:34,444
Well...
646
00:31:36,342 --> 00:31:38,586
I feel like...
647
00:31:38,620 --> 00:31:42,555
all of the world's fools...
648
00:31:42,590 --> 00:31:44,764
and all of the smartest men
that ever lived...
649
00:31:46,076 --> 00:31:47,388
all in one body.
650
00:31:59,710 --> 00:32:01,609
-Good night, Noah.
-Good night.
651
00:32:01,643 --> 00:32:04,681
-Happy birthday.
-Thank you.
652
00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,272
Ah...
653
00:32:22,009 --> 00:32:23,251
Whoa, tilt!
654
00:32:23,286 --> 00:32:25,633
Hey, bartender,
what the fuck is this?
655
00:32:25,667 --> 00:32:28,222
Blood in urine
with a twist?
656
00:32:28,256 --> 00:32:32,157
Hang on-- deja piss.
Why does this ring a bell?
657
00:32:32,191 --> 00:32:34,780
Oh, yeah, the Tribeca twins
a few weeks ago.
658
00:32:38,266 --> 00:32:42,650
What the fuck is that?
659
00:32:42,684 --> 00:32:44,238
"Cranberries."
"Cranberries?"
660
00:32:44,272 --> 00:32:46,240
"Yeah."
"If you say so."
661
00:32:46,274 --> 00:32:48,242
Noah! Come back
and fuck us some more!
662
00:32:48,276 --> 00:32:50,278
Yeah!
What's the matter with you?
663
00:32:50,313 --> 00:32:51,383
Oh...
664
00:32:55,801 --> 00:32:58,183
Oh, finally.
665
00:32:58,217 --> 00:33:00,633
The Tribeca twins?
Okay, I'll tell you.
666
00:33:00,668 --> 00:33:02,808
-Good evening, vicar.
667
00:33:03,636 --> 00:33:06,294
Mind the small one.
Excuse me, can I-- Excuse me!
668
00:33:06,329 --> 00:33:08,503
Ray and I met the twins when
we were shooting some footage
669
00:33:08,538 --> 00:33:11,196
for a film called
Downtown Surf Story.
670
00:33:11,230 --> 00:33:12,783
We were told to get
some footage of
671
00:33:12,818 --> 00:33:14,440
this band called
The Turd Basket
672
00:33:14,475 --> 00:33:16,339
while they were still
raw and bloody.
673
00:33:16,373 --> 00:33:17,823
-Oh, oh!
-And there they were.
674
00:33:17,857 --> 00:33:19,963
Rita and Connie,
the twins.
675
00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:22,310
They're not really twins
but who cares?
676
00:33:22,345 --> 00:33:24,312
Oh, fucking...
677
00:33:27,143 --> 00:33:29,214
Hey, Ray! Ray!
678
00:33:29,248 --> 00:33:30,387
Raymond! Ray!
679
00:33:32,044 --> 00:33:35,358
Very erotic and very aware
of it-- I love that.
680
00:33:35,392 --> 00:33:38,154
Raymond! You got some up
here, you getting it?
681
00:33:38,188 --> 00:33:39,776
You got this, this...
682
00:33:39,810 --> 00:33:42,054
No pretending to be cute.
683
00:33:42,089 --> 00:33:44,988
"We are young, we are sexy,
we are fuckable
684
00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:47,197
and we don't care
who knows it."
685
00:33:47,232 --> 00:33:48,509
Oh, that is top.
686
00:33:48,543 --> 00:33:49,889
Fucking excellent.
687
00:33:53,238 --> 00:33:55,481
We went back to their loft
and they gave us a show.
688
00:33:55,516 --> 00:33:57,000
It turns out they're
graduates from
689
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,485
the London Fashion
Institute and very creative.
690
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,487
I decided there and then they
would design the costumes
691
00:34:01,522 --> 00:34:02,937
for all my films
from now on.
692
00:34:02,971 --> 00:34:04,559
Show us another one, show us
another one, come on.
693
00:34:08,598 --> 00:34:10,324
Oh, that's nice.
694
00:34:11,946 --> 00:34:13,844
And then we shagged nonstop
for the rest of the day,
695
00:34:13,879 --> 00:34:15,363
and from that day on,
696
00:34:15,398 --> 00:34:17,676
I was never turned away
whenever I was in London,
697
00:34:17,710 --> 00:34:19,436
and needy of some
female action of
698
00:34:19,471 --> 00:34:21,197
the "how's your father?"
variety.
699
00:34:21,231 --> 00:34:24,510
Oh... two thumbs up!
700
00:34:24,545 --> 00:34:26,616
I got two thumbs way up.
701
00:34:29,550 --> 00:34:30,999
And here I am again.
702
00:34:31,897 --> 00:34:33,830
Ladies, I am--
703
00:34:36,108 --> 00:34:37,972
I bid you farewell,
all right?
704
00:34:38,628 --> 00:34:40,906
I'm fucking out of here, man,
you know what I mean?
705
00:34:42,045 --> 00:34:43,598
It's been a great ride.
706
00:34:44,737 --> 00:34:46,429
You know that.
707
00:34:48,155 --> 00:34:50,226
As ever.
708
00:34:50,260 --> 00:34:52,228
But something tells me
this is the last time
709
00:34:52,262 --> 00:34:53,229
we will do this.
710
00:34:53,263 --> 00:34:54,954
Good luck, Noah.
711
00:34:54,989 --> 00:34:56,749
Come back and
see us soon.
712
00:34:56,784 --> 00:34:58,268
Yeah, yeah, I will,
I'll come back
713
00:34:58,303 --> 00:35:00,305
and see you soon,
all right see you.
714
00:35:05,413 --> 00:35:07,312
Love you both.
I fucking love you.
715
00:35:07,346 --> 00:35:09,348
Just see you later, right?
Ta. See you later.
716
00:35:13,766 --> 00:35:16,493
"Or you strained yourself.
Burst a blood vessel"
717
00:35:16,528 --> 00:35:18,633
"What?"
"The blood in the piss, Noah.
718
00:35:18,668 --> 00:35:20,463
Probably nothing
to worry about."
719
00:35:20,497 --> 00:35:22,948
"Right. Or cranberries."
720
00:35:24,122 --> 00:35:25,502
Yeah, well...
721
00:35:32,992 --> 00:35:36,168
-Whoa, fuckin' hell.
722
00:35:36,203 --> 00:35:37,997
What's the name of this place?
723
00:35:39,206 --> 00:35:41,139
Come to be an alkie!
724
00:35:46,489 --> 00:35:48,007
Anyone home?
725
00:36:00,882 --> 00:36:02,539
Fuck, you don't look well.
726
00:36:03,333 --> 00:36:04,679
You must be Noah!
727
00:36:04,714 --> 00:36:06,371
Jesus fucking Christmas!
728
00:36:06,405 --> 00:36:08,304
Welcome to
Bramwell Hospital.
729
00:36:08,338 --> 00:36:09,995
-What?
-Kirstin called to say
730
00:36:10,029 --> 00:36:11,307
you were on your way.
731
00:36:11,341 --> 00:36:13,412
We were just starting
to get worried.
732
00:36:13,447 --> 00:36:14,931
Oh?
733
00:36:19,004 --> 00:36:20,971
Oh, God.
734
00:36:21,006 --> 00:36:23,181
Sorry!
Forgot I was wearing it!
735
00:36:23,215 --> 00:36:25,148
It's our "smile revolution"
week.
736
00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:27,737
A smile day
keeps the doctor away.
737
00:36:31,741 --> 00:36:33,018
Uh...
738
00:36:34,088 --> 00:36:35,503
I'm Harry.
739
00:36:35,538 --> 00:36:38,023
Harry, do me a favor.
Fuck off, will you?
740
00:36:42,683 --> 00:36:43,718
We holding hands?
741
00:36:45,272 --> 00:36:46,342
All right.
742
00:36:48,689 --> 00:36:51,243
Oh, here we go.
That's it, it's all right.
743
00:36:51,278 --> 00:36:52,486
Nobody panic.
744
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,729
Fucking Nora, right?
That's all right.
745
00:36:56,041 --> 00:36:57,594
These are the works of
some of our guests.
746
00:36:57,629 --> 00:36:59,044
Wonderful, aren't they?
747
00:36:59,769 --> 00:37:02,254
No, they're shit,
they're fucking shit.
748
00:37:02,289 --> 00:37:04,187
Wa-hey, that one looks
like a vagina.
749
00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:06,879
Is that a vagina?
Big vag' thing going on.
750
00:37:06,914 --> 00:37:08,881
So, is that what I am now
then, Harry?
751
00:37:08,916 --> 00:37:10,435
I'm a guest, am I?
Is that it?
752
00:37:10,469 --> 00:37:12,230
Oh, no, not until you've
processed by Don.
753
00:37:12,264 --> 00:37:14,266
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
forgot about that,
754
00:37:14,301 --> 00:37:16,406
yeah, the old
processing by Don routine.
755
00:37:16,441 --> 00:37:18,684
Yeah, big bad Don
and the processors.
756
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:20,203
Hell of a band they are.
757
00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:22,205
Whoa! Miss Rabbit Ears,
758
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:24,207
that is a lot of drugs
you've got going on there.
759
00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:26,209
Where you going with 'em?
760
00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:28,453
Oh, no she's gone.
761
00:37:30,489 --> 00:37:31,732
It's optional.
762
00:37:33,285 --> 00:37:35,770
Yeah, and you know what else
is optional, Harry?
763
00:37:35,805 --> 00:37:38,394
Cutting your own balls off with
a pair of blunt garden shears.
764
00:37:38,428 --> 00:37:40,361
That's optional too.
765
00:37:41,569 --> 00:37:42,777
Where do you think
Miss Rabbit Ears
766
00:37:42,812 --> 00:37:45,746
parks that trolley
over night-time. Hmm?
767
00:37:48,058 --> 00:37:49,577
You don't know, do you?
768
00:37:50,337 --> 00:37:52,546
You'll be fine, Noah.
Don't worry.
769
00:37:52,580 --> 00:37:54,444
We take our work
very seriously here.
770
00:37:54,479 --> 00:37:55,618
Do you?
771
00:37:56,584 --> 00:37:57,827
Let's hope so.
772
00:37:58,655 --> 00:37:59,794
All right.
773
00:38:00,864 --> 00:38:03,315
Oh, for fuck's sake.
All right.
774
00:38:15,431 --> 00:38:17,433
Okay, fuck it.
775
00:38:34,691 --> 00:38:36,624
Hello, Noah.
My name's Don.
776
00:38:36,969 --> 00:38:38,005
Tell us your problem.
777
00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:41,767
Well...
778
00:38:41,802 --> 00:38:43,010
in for a penny
and all that.
779
00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:46,185
Hello, Don.
My name's Noah,
780
00:38:46,220 --> 00:38:48,049
and I am an
alcohol-abusing,
781
00:38:48,084 --> 00:38:50,362
drug-crazy,
arrogant arsehole...
782
00:38:50,397 --> 00:38:52,191
since you asked.
783
00:38:52,226 --> 00:38:54,228
don't be
so hard on yourself.
784
00:38:54,262 --> 00:38:56,506
The next couple of days
are gonna be tough.
785
00:38:56,541 --> 00:38:57,680
Uh.
786
00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:00,165
Tell me a little bit
about yourself.
787
00:39:02,167 --> 00:39:04,342
-I'm stuck.
-Eh?
788
00:39:04,376 --> 00:39:06,171
Can't think of
a single thing, not one thing.
789
00:39:06,205 --> 00:39:08,138
Tequila worms are
busy in my brain,
790
00:39:08,173 --> 00:39:10,348
sucking, vacuuming up
every thought in there.
791
00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:11,728
I don't-- I don't know
what you mean.
792
00:39:11,763 --> 00:39:13,834
Like, what do you mean?
What do you mean?
793
00:39:13,868 --> 00:39:15,905
What about a funny story?
794
00:39:17,113 --> 00:39:20,565
-Funny story?
-Yeah. A funny story.
795
00:39:20,599 --> 00:39:22,360
Not a joke? A story?
796
00:39:22,394 --> 00:39:23,844
Yeah.
797
00:39:23,878 --> 00:39:26,364
Funny story, funny story,
funny, um...
798
00:39:26,398 --> 00:39:28,020
I know loads
of funny stories.
799
00:39:28,055 --> 00:39:30,402
Fucking hell.
I can't fucking think of one.
800
00:39:30,437 --> 00:39:33,060
I did go to the pub
on the way, so hang on.
801
00:39:33,094 --> 00:39:36,926
Sorry, I'm just--
Oh, uh, all right.
802
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,515
Well, I don't know, okay.
Funny to me.
803
00:39:39,549 --> 00:39:41,344
Um...
804
00:39:41,379 --> 00:39:43,933
Ray, he's my--
he's my cameraman, all right?
805
00:39:43,967 --> 00:39:46,660
We met at a Black Sabbath
concert years ago.
806
00:39:46,694 --> 00:39:48,593
That's a--
That's another story.
807
00:39:48,627 --> 00:39:50,180
Me and him, we're on--
we're in the--
808
00:39:50,215 --> 00:39:51,872
on the M6, right,
north of Birmingham,
809
00:39:51,906 --> 00:39:53,943
and we are out of it.
810
00:39:53,977 --> 00:39:56,532
Out of it,
totally out of control.
811
00:39:56,566 --> 00:39:59,051
We've had like a six-pack of
super-strength lager,
812
00:39:59,086 --> 00:40:01,606
we got a couple thinnies of
Zowie Maui sinsemilla dope
813
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,987
and a windowpane
of acid each.
814
00:40:04,402 --> 00:40:05,506
Each.
815
00:40:05,955 --> 00:40:09,441
So, Ray's driving is really
driving steady, you know,
816
00:40:09,476 --> 00:40:12,375
like that, bosh,
like that.
817
00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:15,551
But fuck me if the cars
are not whizzing past
818
00:40:15,585 --> 00:40:17,138
at a serious miles an hour,
819
00:40:17,173 --> 00:40:20,003
just mental, mental,
mental, mental.
820
00:40:21,108 --> 00:40:22,799
And I don't know if it's
just my, you know,
821
00:40:22,834 --> 00:40:26,182
stoned disorientation
'cause they're like fucking--
822
00:40:26,216 --> 00:40:27,908
don't forget,
I'm not exactly,
823
00:40:27,942 --> 00:40:29,219
you know what I mean,
824
00:40:29,254 --> 00:40:31,567
going for me law degree
that afternoon.
825
00:40:31,601 --> 00:40:33,948
So and then suddenly
tap, tap, tap--
826
00:40:33,983 --> 00:40:35,294
Whoa.
827
00:40:35,329 --> 00:40:37,227
On the fucking, on the win--
on the window--
828
00:40:37,262 --> 00:40:38,643
plod.
829
00:40:39,782 --> 00:40:41,577
-Man.
-Fuck.
830
00:40:41,611 --> 00:40:43,371
-Yellow man.
-Fuck.
831
00:40:43,406 --> 00:40:45,753
So Ray winds
the window straight down.
832
00:40:45,788 --> 00:40:47,721
Copper, he says,
"What the--
833
00:40:47,755 --> 00:40:49,170
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?
834
00:40:50,655 --> 00:40:52,726
Ray puts on his, like--
his best, you know,
835
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,313
college blue voice.
836
00:40:54,348 --> 00:40:56,177
He says, "Oh, I'm
terribly sorry, officer."
837
00:40:56,212 --> 00:40:58,801
Were we going
a tad over the speed limit?
838
00:40:59,146 --> 00:41:01,113
He says, "You drugged-up,
hippie piece of...
839
00:41:01,148 --> 00:41:03,253
...drugged-up hippie
piece of shit.
840
00:41:03,288 --> 00:41:04,910
"You ain't doing
any speed, wanker!"
841
00:41:04,945 --> 00:41:06,809
You weren't doing any speed
at all, you wanker!
842
00:41:06,843 --> 00:41:08,811
"You are standing still...
843
00:41:08,845 --> 00:41:10,951
...in the fucking fast lane
of the M-bastard-6!
844
00:41:10,985 --> 00:41:13,263
"Of the M-bastard-6!"
845
00:41:13,298 --> 00:41:16,508
Oh, no, oh, no, no, no.
That's terrible.
846
00:41:17,371 --> 00:41:19,097
We were.
We, we, we'd stopped,
847
00:41:19,131 --> 00:41:20,788
we'd stopped, we'd stopped.
848
00:41:20,823 --> 00:41:23,204
We must have run out of petrol
or-or-or something, you know,
849
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,138
and we were so fucking wiped out
and stoned out of our bonces,
850
00:41:26,173 --> 00:41:27,174
we didn't even realize
we'd stopped.
851
00:41:27,208 --> 00:41:28,831
And I'm-- I'm saying--
852
00:41:28,865 --> 00:41:30,108
I don't know what I'm saying
to this copper.
853
00:41:30,142 --> 00:41:32,455
I'm-- I've gone into--
I'm in another...
854
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:34,664
Have you got very big feet?
855
00:41:35,078 --> 00:41:36,873
Oh, can I have a look
at your feet?
856
00:41:41,568 --> 00:41:43,362
I'm an eight.
857
00:41:43,397 --> 00:41:45,330
Although nine if you're
on the continent.
858
00:41:46,365 --> 00:41:48,057
If you're incontinent.
859
00:41:48,091 --> 00:41:50,335
I mean, I don't know how
they didn't lock me up
860
00:41:50,369 --> 00:41:51,405
and throw away
the key on that day.
861
00:41:52,233 --> 00:41:53,994
"Ecilop" if you say it
backwards.
862
00:41:59,171 --> 00:42:00,897
Right, you two
out of the car now.
863
00:42:01,553 --> 00:42:03,693
He was not happy.
He was not a happy camper,
864
00:42:03,728 --> 00:42:05,557
this, uh, this copper.
865
00:42:05,592 --> 00:42:07,145
He's cross, he's cross,
he's cross,
866
00:42:07,179 --> 00:42:08,733
-he's cross, he's cross.
-Just stay there.
867
00:42:08,767 --> 00:42:10,320
Okay, I'll stay.
What, here, like this?
868
00:42:10,355 --> 00:42:11,632
Not you. Him. Move it!
869
00:42:11,667 --> 00:42:13,220
Do I stay?
Oh, he's staying there.
870
00:42:13,254 --> 00:42:15,187
-He's staying there.
-So am I still getting out?
871
00:42:15,222 --> 00:42:16,223
You're getting out
of the car now!
872
00:42:16,257 --> 00:42:18,018
This is just--
That wasn't there.
873
00:42:18,950 --> 00:42:22,643
Lookit, um...
my leg's gone to sleep.
874
00:42:22,678 --> 00:42:24,852
Well, fucking wake it up
and get out.
875
00:42:24,887 --> 00:42:26,336
All right.
876
00:42:26,371 --> 00:42:29,167
That's funny, actually.
Did you hear what he said?
877
00:42:29,201 --> 00:42:30,720
-Yes.
-About my leg?
878
00:42:30,755 --> 00:42:32,722
But anyway, so next thing,
cut to, bosh,
879
00:42:32,757 --> 00:42:34,206
thank you very much.
880
00:42:34,241 --> 00:42:36,001
Off you go, see the geezer
for a bit of--
881
00:42:36,036 --> 00:42:37,347
You know, slapping.
882
00:42:37,382 --> 00:42:40,074
So we got a bit of a wrist slap
for the drugs.
883
00:42:40,109 --> 00:42:41,766
Judge is sitting there,
and he says, uh,
884
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:43,077
"I swear to God,
I don't know..."
885
00:42:43,112 --> 00:42:44,251
I swear to God,
I don't know
886
00:42:44,285 --> 00:42:45,735
what I'm going to charge
you boys with.
887
00:42:46,702 --> 00:42:48,531
He goes, "Ah" he says,
"I've got it."
888
00:42:48,566 --> 00:42:49,912
-He says--
-I've got it.
889
00:42:49,946 --> 00:42:51,258
"I'm gonna charge you..."
890
00:42:51,292 --> 00:42:55,020
I'm going to charge you
with dangerous parking.
891
00:42:55,055 --> 00:42:56,608
"With dangerous parking."
892
00:43:02,752 --> 00:43:05,134
Fucking dangerous parking
we got done with.
893
00:43:14,626 --> 00:43:17,077
That's the funny story, Don.
894
00:43:24,222 --> 00:43:25,326
Obviously not.
895
00:43:26,673 --> 00:43:28,606
Obviously not.
896
00:43:29,986 --> 00:43:31,160
Sign there, please.
897
00:43:32,506 --> 00:43:34,577
I feel a bit awkward now,
Don, I'll be honest with you.
898
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,924
Uh... I don't know
if I want to stay here.
899
00:43:37,649 --> 00:43:39,099
You'll be fine.
900
00:43:39,133 --> 00:43:41,584
How can I be fine
if I'm in here?
901
00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:42,654
How does that work?
902
00:43:42,689 --> 00:43:43,897
We'll make you better.
903
00:43:43,931 --> 00:43:45,001
Ah, fucking hell,
will you?
904
00:43:45,036 --> 00:43:46,589
-Yeah.
-I didn't know if I needed--
905
00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:49,005
I didn't even know I needed
to be made to feel better.
906
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:50,593
I woke up in this girl's
flat this morning.
907
00:43:50,628 --> 00:43:51,801
I don't know who she Is.
908
00:43:51,836 --> 00:43:53,078
I've never seen her
before in my life.
909
00:43:53,113 --> 00:43:54,597
She says, "Oh,
you're an alcoholic.
910
00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:56,841
Yeah, I-- Yeah, I know
what they look like. I'm one.
911
00:43:56,875 --> 00:43:58,256
Well, every fucker's one.
You're one.
912
00:43:58,290 --> 00:43:59,671
Go on.
Fucking go to rehab."
913
00:43:59,706 --> 00:44:01,259
I mean, rehab, rehab.
I'm in rehab. This is rehab.
914
00:44:01,293 --> 00:44:03,019
I like a drink.
I like a drink.
915
00:44:03,054 --> 00:44:04,676
I like-- Who doesn't
like a drink?
916
00:44:04,711 --> 00:44:06,195
Do you have a drink?
Do you like a drink?
917
00:44:06,229 --> 00:44:07,852
I Don't-- I know.
I didn't--
918
00:44:08,542 --> 00:44:09,785
You'll help me, will you?
919
00:44:09,819 --> 00:44:11,476
It's gonna be fine.
920
00:44:11,510 --> 00:44:14,513
You've just got to relax
and we'll be here to help you.
921
00:44:15,963 --> 00:44:18,172
Right, we'll have it
then, shall we?
922
00:44:18,207 --> 00:44:20,036
We'll have a portion
of rehab, shall we?
923
00:44:20,071 --> 00:44:21,555
-Yeah.
-Me and you and Harry.
924
00:44:21,589 --> 00:44:24,627
Sign there for rehab?
Sign there for rehab?
925
00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:26,180
Me on there for rehab?
926
00:44:27,181 --> 00:44:28,389
You got it.
Give us it.
927
00:44:28,424 --> 00:44:30,219
Give us it. Give us it.
Give us it, then.
928
00:44:30,633 --> 00:44:31,703
Can I use him,
old twizzle?
929
00:44:31,738 --> 00:44:33,256
How fucked up is he?
Look at that.
930
00:44:33,809 --> 00:44:35,534
I think I'm fucked up.
Look at that.
931
00:44:35,569 --> 00:44:39,193
Here you go, Noah Arkwright
fucking checking in.
932
00:44:39,228 --> 00:44:41,195
Thank you very much.
How about that?
933
00:44:41,230 --> 00:44:43,750
-How about that, Don?
-Thank you, Noah.
934
00:44:43,784 --> 00:44:46,684
You're signed and sealed,
and now Harry will deliver you.
935
00:44:49,238 --> 00:44:52,931
All right. Harry!
Come on, son, we're on.
936
00:45:08,222 --> 00:45:11,709
No jokes or tricks on
the fifth floor. House rules.
937
00:45:13,262 --> 00:45:15,885
I never saw a man change
so quickly in my whole life.
938
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,818
Half an hour ago,
this bloke greeted me
939
00:45:17,853 --> 00:45:19,233
like his long-lost brother.
940
00:45:19,268 --> 00:45:21,132
Now the miserable sod
can't even look at me.
941
00:45:23,893 --> 00:45:25,688
Bugger.
942
00:45:25,723 --> 00:45:27,586
And to add
insult to injury--
943
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,451
Oh, that is...
944
00:45:33,247 --> 00:45:35,387
I have to say, I thought
it was absolutely disgusting.
945
00:45:35,422 --> 00:45:37,389
I mean, this bloke's supposed
to be a professional.
946
00:45:38,356 --> 00:45:39,909
You know that was you.
947
00:45:40,427 --> 00:45:42,084
I know that was you.
948
00:45:42,981 --> 00:45:46,260
And all the other people in
this lift know that was you.
949
00:45:57,064 --> 00:45:58,617
Poo.
950
00:46:03,174 --> 00:46:04,589
Thank Christ for that.
951
00:46:04,623 --> 00:46:06,764
That was a real methane
head-breaker, that was.
952
00:46:19,328 --> 00:46:20,329
All right.
953
00:46:20,363 --> 00:46:21,571
First thing I see is this
954
00:46:21,606 --> 00:46:22,987
emaciated bloke
with a pink Mohican
955
00:46:23,021 --> 00:46:24,471
playing table tennis
with himself
956
00:46:24,505 --> 00:46:26,266
and a girl with
no hair on her head at all,
957
00:46:26,300 --> 00:46:28,958
apart from a tuft of peroxide
blonde over each ear.
958
00:46:30,995 --> 00:46:32,617
And I catch a glimpse of
myself in the mirror.
959
00:46:32,651 --> 00:46:33,998
It's like I've accidentally
been cast in
960
00:46:34,032 --> 00:46:35,896
a version of
Cuckoo's Nest
961
00:46:35,931 --> 00:46:37,277
for people with
stupid hairdos.
962
00:46:40,867 --> 00:46:42,730
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Fucking hell
963
00:46:55,019 --> 00:46:57,607
Oh! Bloody hell.
Hello.
964
00:46:57,642 --> 00:46:59,299
Come on, Noah.
I'll show you to your room.
965
00:46:59,333 --> 00:47:00,507
-Will you?
-Yeah.
966
00:47:00,541 --> 00:47:01,957
Okay, come on then.
967
00:47:05,961 --> 00:47:07,652
Hey, what day does
the hairdresser come?
968
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:09,309
-What?
-No, I need to know
969
00:47:09,343 --> 00:47:10,517
'cause I want
an appointment.
970
00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:13,761
Oh, dear.
Hey, is it me, right,
971
00:47:13,796 --> 00:47:15,936
or that Harry, is he
a fucking schizomaniac?
972
00:47:15,971 --> 00:47:18,145
Please don't swear.
It's not necessary.
973
00:47:20,078 --> 00:47:23,288
You shut up, you fucking
condescending bitch!
974
00:47:23,323 --> 00:47:25,532
What do you know is necessary
or not, you slag?
975
00:47:25,566 --> 00:47:27,775
Right, I want
a fucking large scotch
976
00:47:27,810 --> 00:47:30,192
on a bloody great rock
of unstepped-on coke,
977
00:47:30,226 --> 00:47:31,952
and if I don't get it
right now,
978
00:47:31,987 --> 00:47:34,023
I'm gonna rip this nurse's
fucking windpipe out!
979
00:47:34,817 --> 00:47:35,853
Get it?
980
00:47:37,578 --> 00:47:39,339
Yeah, this is
the psycho ward all right,
981
00:47:39,373 --> 00:47:41,513
and I'm definitely in
the right place.
982
00:47:56,390 --> 00:47:57,598
How do you do?
983
00:47:58,703 --> 00:48:00,394
I'm James.
984
00:48:00,429 --> 00:48:02,810
I'm schizophrenic suicidal.
985
00:48:06,573 --> 00:48:09,334
How long I stood there holding
James' limp-dick hand,
986
00:48:09,369 --> 00:48:11,716
I have no idea.
987
00:48:11,750 --> 00:48:14,201
I remember getting a whack of
I.V. Librium at some stage,
988
00:48:14,236 --> 00:48:16,341
and then...
989
00:48:16,376 --> 00:48:18,412
next thing I know,
it's nighttime.
990
00:48:24,729 --> 00:48:26,110
I've lost time before,
991
00:48:26,144 --> 00:48:28,526
stacks of times.
992
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:30,010
But this feels different.
993
00:48:30,045 --> 00:48:32,564
This is--
This is not nice.
994
00:49:25,307 --> 00:49:26,618
And before I know it,
995
00:49:26,653 --> 00:49:28,896
I'm counting like it's
a school contest.
996
00:49:28,931 --> 00:49:31,692
Thirty, 35, 40.
997
00:49:31,727 --> 00:49:34,281
Go on, Jimmy,
get the record, son.
998
00:49:34,316 --> 00:49:35,696
By the time I reach 70,
999
00:49:35,731 --> 00:49:37,802
Jimmy shows no sign
of resurfacing.
1000
00:49:41,012 --> 00:49:43,911
Then at just past 80,
his head starts to come up.
1001
00:49:43,946 --> 00:49:45,465
Bloody riveted by this.
1002
00:49:45,499 --> 00:49:48,364
The stupid bugger's actually
trying to drown himself.
1003
00:49:48,399 --> 00:49:49,503
And instead of trying
to stop him,
1004
00:49:49,538 --> 00:49:51,195
I wish I had
a Bolex camera.
1005
00:49:51,229 --> 00:49:52,506
This is great stuff!
1006
00:49:53,507 --> 00:49:54,681
"Help him, Noah."
1007
00:49:54,715 --> 00:49:56,510
"Fuck off!
This is not my shit."
1008
00:49:56,545 --> 00:49:58,167
Two minutes,
he's still under.
1009
00:49:58,202 --> 00:50:00,618
20.
Amazing!
1010
00:50:00,652 --> 00:50:01,619
Truly fucking bizarre.
1011
00:50:01,653 --> 00:50:03,276
It's like watching a murder,
1012
00:50:03,310 --> 00:50:04,656
but with the murderer
and the victim
1013
00:50:04,691 --> 00:50:06,175
all rolled up into
one bloke.
1014
00:50:08,522 --> 00:50:10,490
At just past
two minutes thirty...
1015
00:50:11,629 --> 00:50:13,872
...a murder is thwarted.
1016
00:50:13,907 --> 00:50:16,668
My first instinct is to clap.
Don't ask me why.
1017
00:50:16,703 --> 00:50:18,325
But then Jimmy starts to sob,
1018
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:20,362
so it seems kind of
inappropriate.
1019
00:50:24,366 --> 00:50:26,851
So I do the most unhelpful
thing imaginable.
1020
00:50:27,265 --> 00:50:28,680
Here you go.
1021
00:50:34,410 --> 00:50:35,894
You all right?
1022
00:50:40,658 --> 00:50:42,039
Fuck.
1023
00:50:44,351 --> 00:50:45,490
I'd been in there--
1024
00:50:45,525 --> 00:50:47,147
I don't know,
maybe four months.
1025
00:50:47,182 --> 00:50:49,046
Could have been four years
for all I knew.
1026
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:50,530
It's a "no time" zone.
1027
00:50:50,564 --> 00:50:52,704
They were pleased with me,
or so they said.
1028
00:50:52,739 --> 00:50:54,361
I'm a little harder
on myself.
1029
00:50:54,396 --> 00:50:55,914
I'm a man who never
suffered any pain
1030
00:50:55,949 --> 00:50:58,089
except that which
I brought on myself.
1031
00:50:58,124 --> 00:50:59,987
A man with the world
at my fingertips
1032
00:51:00,022 --> 00:51:02,024
and success in the palm
of both hands
1033
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:04,751
who chooses to piss it all away
every day of my life.
1034
00:51:04,785 --> 00:51:07,443
I'm a drunk without
a single excuse.
1035
00:51:07,478 --> 00:51:09,721
An addict
without reason.
1036
00:51:09,756 --> 00:51:11,827
That isn't true, Noah.
1037
00:51:17,798 --> 00:51:20,491
And sitting there...
1038
00:51:20,525 --> 00:51:21,733
is my dead mother.
1039
00:51:23,804 --> 00:51:25,254
Do you mind if I smoke?
1040
00:51:26,428 --> 00:51:28,499
It's not allowed
in the rooms.
1041
00:51:38,923 --> 00:51:42,306
So, how long are you
in here for?
1042
00:51:43,928 --> 00:51:45,757
But I can't speak,
1043
00:51:45,792 --> 00:51:48,035
can't take my eyes off her.
1044
00:51:48,070 --> 00:51:50,417
Her jawline so like mine.
1045
00:51:50,452 --> 00:51:53,351
Her ears the exact mold
for my own.
1046
00:51:55,284 --> 00:51:57,252
This is my mother.
1047
00:51:57,286 --> 00:52:00,496
She's come to see me...
1048
00:52:00,531 --> 00:52:01,601
and I can't cope.
1049
00:52:03,292 --> 00:52:05,570
Noah, try and speak
to me, pet.
1050
00:52:05,605 --> 00:52:08,366
It may be a long time before
I get to do this again.
1051
00:52:09,678 --> 00:52:11,921
Ask me the question
you want to ask me,
1052
00:52:11,956 --> 00:52:13,854
the question
I want to answer.
1053
00:52:17,272 --> 00:52:18,894
Why did you die?
1054
00:52:23,209 --> 00:52:26,660
I'd been, um,
33 hours in labor.
1055
00:52:28,524 --> 00:52:29,594
There had been a mix-up.
1056
00:52:29,629 --> 00:52:31,389
My-- My notes
had been mislaid.
1057
00:52:32,114 --> 00:52:33,840
My birth canal was blocked.
1058
00:52:34,910 --> 00:52:37,292
I should have had
immediate surgery.
1059
00:52:38,465 --> 00:52:41,330
By the time I was on
the table, I was...
1060
00:52:41,365 --> 00:52:44,230
too tired from the pain,
too full of morphine.
1061
00:52:46,301 --> 00:52:49,959
I was sure I could feel
your unborn fingernails
1062
00:52:49,994 --> 00:52:52,376
clawing at
the inside of my womb,
1063
00:52:52,410 --> 00:52:55,241
desperate to get out of me
before you died.
1064
00:52:56,034 --> 00:52:58,830
I heard the surgeon say
he could save only one life.
1065
00:53:01,661 --> 00:53:03,180
Wasn't a hard choice.
1066
00:53:04,905 --> 00:53:06,907
They, uh-- They dug you
out of me.
1067
00:53:08,599 --> 00:53:11,567
I lived long enough to
see you held up before me.
1068
00:53:11,912 --> 00:53:14,501
You were sucking in breath,
but you didn't cry.
1069
00:53:17,263 --> 00:53:19,955
I was addicted to morphine
in your womb, they said.
1070
00:53:21,922 --> 00:53:24,408
I had to be detoxed
at birth.
1071
00:53:27,997 --> 00:53:30,207
It was seven days
until I cried.
1072
00:53:32,726 --> 00:53:34,072
I didn't know that.
1073
00:53:36,903 --> 00:53:40,147
Perhaps I shouldn't have come,
but you were in so much agony,
1074
00:53:40,182 --> 00:53:42,460
I wanted to try to
take away your pain.
1075
00:53:44,911 --> 00:53:46,568
You have.
1076
00:53:48,259 --> 00:53:49,812
Be strong, my son.
1077
00:53:52,367 --> 00:53:54,369
I'll leave you with
a promise.
1078
00:53:56,578 --> 00:53:58,614
If you're ever suffering
this much again
1079
00:53:58,649 --> 00:54:00,789
and I am unable to come...
1080
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,241
I will send an angel to you.
1081
00:54:20,291 --> 00:54:21,603
Okay, motherfucker.
1082
00:54:21,982 --> 00:54:23,639
It's time to rock and roll.
1083
00:54:23,984 --> 00:54:26,573
You've been certified
clean and sober.
1084
00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:30,094
Now, if you'd do me the honor
of stepping through that door
1085
00:54:30,128 --> 00:54:32,476
and into your future.
1086
00:54:46,421 --> 00:54:49,216
Ah...
1087
00:54:49,251 --> 00:54:50,287
Excellent.
1088
00:54:57,501 --> 00:54:58,950
Cheers, son, cheers.
1089
00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:10,721
All right, cheers, son.
1090
00:55:15,277 --> 00:55:16,313
Cheers.
1091
00:55:16,347 --> 00:55:18,280
Oh, that is nice,
that is nice.
1092
00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:20,765
Nice like this?
Nice.
1093
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,596
What have you got there?
Coffee? Coffee? Coffee?
1094
00:55:23,630 --> 00:55:25,011
Cunt.
1095
00:55:26,392 --> 00:55:28,601
What am I thinking?
1096
00:55:28,635 --> 00:55:30,327
That if I stare at this
innocuous cup of
1097
00:55:30,361 --> 00:55:31,673
the strongest
double espresso
1098
00:55:31,707 --> 00:55:33,191
this joint can muster
long enough,
1099
00:55:33,226 --> 00:55:34,710
then when I put it to
my mouth,
1100
00:55:34,745 --> 00:55:36,367
it will turn into
a triple scotch
1101
00:55:36,402 --> 00:55:37,989
and take me back
to that place
1102
00:55:38,024 --> 00:55:39,784
I left behind
all those months ago,
1103
00:55:39,819 --> 00:55:41,924
but that still yearns for me
to re-embrace it
1104
00:55:41,959 --> 00:55:43,270
like a long-lost cousin?
1105
00:55:46,722 --> 00:55:49,069
Sounds pretty poetic,
doesn't it?
1106
00:55:49,104 --> 00:55:51,278
Don't be fooled--
it's horrible.
1107
00:55:51,313 --> 00:55:54,040
Painful, nasty,
and horrible.
1108
00:55:54,247 --> 00:55:57,284
Painful, nasty,
and horrible!
1109
00:56:01,875 --> 00:56:04,326
Six months since I
stepped out of detox
1110
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:06,363
and five since
my last drink.
1111
00:56:06,397 --> 00:56:07,571
I know, okay, well,
1112
00:56:07,605 --> 00:56:09,573
I'd been out
for about a month,
1113
00:56:09,607 --> 00:56:11,989
and I was giving a lecture
on screenplay structure
1114
00:56:12,023 --> 00:56:14,888
to a bunch of budding
Stoppards at Cambridge.
1115
00:56:14,923 --> 00:56:17,374
One raven-haired beauty
asked me some question
1116
00:56:17,408 --> 00:56:18,720
about film language,
1117
00:56:18,754 --> 00:56:21,343
which I gave
a suitably creamy answer to.
1118
00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:23,380
Then later, after hanging out
with her pals for a while,
1119
00:56:23,414 --> 00:56:25,830
we went back to her place,
she drunk and stoned,
1120
00:56:25,865 --> 00:56:28,315
me sober and horny,
horny, horny as hell.
1121
00:56:35,219 --> 00:56:38,015
So, next morning I planned to
take a piss,
1122
00:56:38,049 --> 00:56:39,706
have a sleepy-eyed fuck,
1123
00:56:39,741 --> 00:56:42,502
tape a note to the fridge,
and leave.
1124
00:56:42,537 --> 00:56:43,710
The piss was uneventful,
1125
00:56:43,745 --> 00:56:45,850
but on the way back to
the bedroom,
1126
00:56:45,885 --> 00:56:47,921
I had to pass through
the kitchen,
1127
00:56:47,956 --> 00:56:49,785
and who should be
sitting there with a huge
1128
00:56:49,820 --> 00:56:51,235
"Good morning, Noah,
how's it all going?"
1129
00:56:51,269 --> 00:56:54,272
grin on her face but
Auntie Ginnie herself.
1130
00:57:07,838 --> 00:57:10,806
I'd absolutely no intention
of touching a drop.
1131
00:57:12,774 --> 00:57:14,292
But before I know it,
1132
00:57:14,327 --> 00:57:16,640
I'm standing in
a stranger's flat,
1133
00:57:16,674 --> 00:57:20,160
naked as the day I was born
with my flaccid penis dangling
1134
00:57:20,195 --> 00:57:21,955
like the flag of
a defeated regiment,
1135
00:57:21,990 --> 00:57:23,923
guzzling neat gin
like a fucking maniac.
1136
00:57:33,657 --> 00:57:35,624
You c--
1137
00:57:36,280 --> 00:57:37,454
You cunt.
1138
00:57:49,362 --> 00:57:50,363
Cunt!
1139
00:58:06,793 --> 00:58:08,864
Since then, I've been in
a kind of low-key hell.
1140
00:58:11,453 --> 00:58:13,835
I'm not drunk,
but I'm not sober either.
1141
00:58:15,181 --> 00:58:17,079
I like to think I am.
I often say I am,
1142
00:58:17,114 --> 00:58:19,012
but I'm not.
1143
00:58:19,047 --> 00:58:20,220
Somehow in
the last three months,
1144
00:58:20,255 --> 00:58:21,532
I've managed to
put together
1145
00:58:21,567 --> 00:58:24,224
a stylish docu-drama
on Jackson Pollock,
1146
00:58:24,259 --> 00:58:27,849
so artistically, I'm still
considered very cool.
1147
00:58:27,883 --> 00:58:29,782
The current
New York Time Out
1148
00:58:29,816 --> 00:58:31,646
carries an article
declaring...
1149
00:58:33,717 --> 00:58:35,304
"antediluvian"?
1150
00:58:35,339 --> 00:58:37,341
No, me neither.
1151
00:58:37,375 --> 00:58:39,308
But basically I'm regarded
as an arbiter of taste
1152
00:58:39,343 --> 00:58:41,518
in a tasteless business.
1153
00:58:41,552 --> 00:58:44,900
But I'm 200 miles from home and
a billion miles from my soul,
1154
00:58:45,763 --> 00:58:48,525
and I am not a happy camper.
1155
00:58:48,559 --> 00:58:50,734
Not a happy camper at all.
1156
00:58:51,666 --> 00:58:53,668
"So, what's new?"
1157
00:58:53,702 --> 00:58:55,117
as they say
in the U.S. Of A.?
1158
00:58:57,361 --> 00:58:58,431
Fuck-all.
1159
00:59:01,572 --> 00:59:04,299
I've been to meetings,
in detox and since,
1160
00:59:04,333 --> 00:59:06,922
A.A.:
Alcoholics Anonymous,
1161
00:59:06,957 --> 00:59:09,373
the fellowship,
the club.
1162
00:59:09,407 --> 00:59:12,065
I had a deep aversion to it
from the very start
1163
00:59:12,100 --> 00:59:13,826
and always passed on
the "how do you do?
1164
00:59:13,860 --> 00:59:15,517
This is me" bit,
which they're okay with--
1165
00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:17,001
it's not compulsory,
it's a kind of
1166
00:59:17,036 --> 00:59:18,071
whenever you're ready thing,
you know?
1167
00:59:18,106 --> 00:59:19,314
Hi, my name's Bill.
1168
00:59:19,348 --> 00:59:20,384
And looking up at
that banner,
1169
00:59:20,418 --> 00:59:22,213
at good old step 2,
1170
00:59:22,248 --> 00:59:24,181
which I'd looked
at many times before,
1171
00:59:24,215 --> 00:59:26,424
something inside me
snapped.
1172
00:59:26,459 --> 00:59:28,703
The resistance cracked
and splintered,
1173
00:59:28,737 --> 00:59:31,153
and I'm sitting there
sick and tired of being
1174
00:59:31,188 --> 00:59:33,397
sick and tired,
1175
00:59:33,431 --> 00:59:35,226
happy to become
a living slogan
1176
00:59:35,261 --> 00:59:36,745
if it'll take
the pain away.
1177
00:59:40,646 --> 00:59:43,580
Hi, my name is Noah...
1178
00:59:45,374 --> 00:59:46,893
and I'm an alcoholic.
1179
00:59:48,101 --> 00:59:49,447
Truth at last.
1180
00:59:52,658 --> 00:59:55,764
And I was relieved and
pissed off at the same time.
1181
00:59:55,799 --> 00:59:57,732
I always thought my first
public declaration
1182
00:59:57,766 --> 00:59:59,285
would be floodlit, filmic,
1183
00:59:59,319 --> 01:00:01,943
with a soaring soundtrack,
effects,
1184
01:00:01,977 --> 01:00:03,772
the lot,
the full works.
1185
01:00:13,126 --> 01:00:17,027
Behold!
My name is Noah...
1186
01:00:17,924 --> 01:00:20,547
and I am an alcoholic!
1187
01:00:21,963 --> 01:00:23,792
It would be a scene that
would prompt critics
1188
01:00:23,827 --> 01:00:25,552
on both sides of
the Atlantic
1189
01:00:25,587 --> 01:00:27,969
to use up column-feet
rocketing me into
1190
01:00:28,003 --> 01:00:30,350
a celebrated orbit to
circle the firmament
1191
01:00:30,385 --> 01:00:33,837
alongside the great
truth-telling auteurs of film.
1192
01:00:37,461 --> 01:00:38,807
-But no.
1193
01:00:40,395 --> 01:00:42,639
My defining moment was
more like a wet, silent fart
1194
01:00:42,673 --> 01:00:45,124
than a blast
on a golden horn.
1195
01:00:45,158 --> 01:00:48,541
And I had meant it too,
really meant it.
1196
01:00:49,611 --> 01:00:50,992
I suppose that's
all that matters.
1197
01:00:54,271 --> 01:00:56,100
Will I ever drink again?
1198
01:00:56,135 --> 01:00:58,516
Dunno.
I hope not.
1199
01:00:58,551 --> 01:01:01,278
I can't say for sure.
Who can?
1200
01:01:01,312 --> 01:01:03,107
I know I'll never
enjoy booze again--
1201
01:01:03,142 --> 01:01:04,557
that's been taken away.
1202
01:01:04,591 --> 01:01:06,697
Guilt will always be
peeking over my shoulder
1203
01:01:06,732 --> 01:01:08,147
and whispering in my ear.
1204
01:01:08,181 --> 01:01:09,666
Remember, Noah,
1205
01:01:09,700 --> 01:01:11,737
it's the first drink which
gets you drunk.
1206
01:01:20,331 --> 01:01:21,885
Pressie.
1207
01:01:22,195 --> 01:01:23,887
We're so proud of you, Noah.
1208
01:01:24,197 --> 01:01:27,994
Six months-- that is a
serious achievement, mate.
1209
01:01:28,029 --> 01:01:29,893
-Mean it.
-Really?
1210
01:01:29,927 --> 01:01:31,826
It's not easy doing
what you done, you know.
1211
01:01:31,860 --> 01:01:33,759
It's your
six-month chip.
1212
01:01:34,069 --> 01:01:35,553
Congratulations.
1213
01:01:38,936 --> 01:01:41,042
I'll leave you two boys
to talk.
1214
01:01:42,181 --> 01:01:43,251
Bye, Noah.
1215
01:01:43,941 --> 01:01:46,806
All right, see ya.
Thanks.
1216
01:01:46,841 --> 01:01:48,187
-Bye, babe.
-See you later, darling.
1217
01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:56,126
I wanna thank you
as well, mate.
1218
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:57,714
What for?
1219
01:01:58,059 --> 01:01:59,060
Well, for Kirstin.
1220
01:02:00,406 --> 01:02:02,166
I mean, she really is
the most extraordinary woman
1221
01:02:02,201 --> 01:02:03,927
I've ever met.
You know, she's beautiful...
1222
01:02:03,961 --> 01:02:05,825
Oh, God, he wants me to
say something supportive
1223
01:02:05,860 --> 01:02:08,000
about the fact that
during this whole debacle
1224
01:02:08,034 --> 01:02:10,450
he's hooked up with
Kirstin and is shagging her
1225
01:02:10,485 --> 01:02:12,073
at a frightening rate
of knots.
1226
01:02:12,107 --> 01:02:13,660
She's funny,
she's intelligent...
1227
01:02:13,695 --> 01:02:15,179
When I wish I was.
1228
01:02:15,214 --> 01:02:17,078
He wants me to let him know
I'm pleased for him.
1229
01:02:17,112 --> 01:02:19,183
But I'm not.
I'm not pleased for him.
1230
01:02:19,218 --> 01:02:21,772
Or with him.
I partly resent it.
1231
01:02:21,807 --> 01:02:23,256
I saw her first,
didn't I?
1232
01:02:24,223 --> 01:02:25,949
For the first time
in my life, seriously,
1233
01:02:25,983 --> 01:02:27,433
I am a fucking happy man!
1234
01:02:27,467 --> 01:02:29,124
I'm not pleased for him,
1235
01:02:29,159 --> 01:02:30,574
I'm not pleased for him
at all.
1236
01:02:31,817 --> 01:02:33,473
I'm very pleased
for you, Ray.
1237
01:02:33,508 --> 01:02:35,199
And not only that, I can
fuck her day and night.
1238
01:02:35,234 --> 01:02:37,754
Oh, please!
Rub it in, I insist.
1239
01:02:37,788 --> 01:02:39,479
Let's get the K-Y
on the go here
1240
01:02:39,514 --> 01:02:41,205
and shove it
right up my jacksie!
1241
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:42,897
That's good, good.
1242
01:02:44,588 --> 01:02:46,624
Noah, everyone needs
a partner...
1243
01:02:47,246 --> 01:02:48,419
to wit.
1244
01:02:50,974 --> 01:02:52,872
That is Clare Mattheson.
1245
01:02:52,907 --> 01:02:55,150
Yeah, I can see that, big
letters, "Clare Mattheson."
1246
01:02:55,185 --> 01:02:57,877
She's a cellist for
the string quartet, Marikos.
1247
01:02:58,257 --> 01:03:00,777
So it would seem from
the bloody great big cello
1248
01:03:00,811 --> 01:03:02,433
between the legs, unless,
of course, she nicked it.
1249
01:03:03,503 --> 01:03:06,575
This woman is
your partner...
1250
01:03:06,610 --> 01:03:08,094
for a sober future.
1251
01:03:08,923 --> 01:03:10,821
What the fuck are you
talking about?
1252
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:13,720
Well, her quartet are playing
at the Fleming Hall
1253
01:03:13,755 --> 01:03:15,792
tomorrow afternoon and
I bought you a ticket.
1254
01:03:17,379 --> 01:03:19,450
You are gonna go
and see her play.
1255
01:03:20,727 --> 01:03:22,764
And after the show,
you're gonna go backstage,
1256
01:03:22,799 --> 01:03:24,628
you're gonna write her
a little note asking her
1257
01:03:24,662 --> 01:03:27,148
to join you for a nice cup of
tea and a cheese sandwich--
1258
01:03:27,182 --> 01:03:28,839
Have you gone round
the fucking bend, Ray?
1259
01:03:28,874 --> 01:03:30,151
Seriously.
1260
01:03:30,185 --> 01:03:32,084
Has Kirstin sucked all
the gray matter out
1261
01:03:32,118 --> 01:03:33,395
through your cock,
possibly?
1262
01:03:33,430 --> 01:03:35,156
I'm not joking, mate.
1263
01:03:35,190 --> 01:03:36,674
You are gonna do this.
1264
01:03:37,158 --> 01:03:38,159
I can't.
1265
01:03:38,193 --> 01:03:39,367
Yes, you can.
Why can't you?
1266
01:03:39,401 --> 01:03:41,196
Because it doesn't work
like that.
1267
01:03:41,231 --> 01:03:43,267
Well, how does it work?
I mean, you're hardly
1268
01:03:43,302 --> 01:03:45,580
the inner London
municipal area spokesperson
1269
01:03:45,614 --> 01:03:47,030
for finding
the right girl.com.
1270
01:03:47,064 --> 01:03:48,652
I mean, how do you know
if it works?
1271
01:03:48,686 --> 01:03:50,378
Well, maybe I'm not, Ray,
maybe I'm not, but, you know,
1272
01:03:50,412 --> 01:03:53,139
I'm gonna take an uneducated
stab in the psychological dark
1273
01:03:53,174 --> 01:03:55,176
that it doesn't work like that.
1274
01:03:58,731 --> 01:04:01,699
Noah, mate, take a look at
the magazine, yeah?
1275
01:04:05,703 --> 01:04:07,844
I will send an angel to you.
1276
01:04:13,780 --> 01:04:15,990
Love you both, right?
I fucking love you, just--
1277
01:04:16,024 --> 01:04:18,026
see you later, right?
Ta. See ya.
1278
01:04:19,856 --> 01:04:22,168
I felt bad about going
to the twins that night.
1279
01:04:22,203 --> 01:04:24,239
I just felt so horny.
1280
01:04:24,274 --> 01:04:25,827
Ray had got me
all worked up
1281
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,518
with that Kirstin
bonkography.
1282
01:04:27,553 --> 01:04:29,244
I had to have sex.
1283
01:04:29,279 --> 01:04:31,039
I also had
a lot of drugs.
1284
01:04:31,660 --> 01:04:33,041
And booze.
1285
01:04:33,076 --> 01:04:35,181
Okay, I admit it.
Hey! You try it!
1286
01:04:35,216 --> 01:04:37,011
You try not touching booze
when you...
1287
01:04:37,045 --> 01:04:40,048
Fucking love it!
1288
01:04:44,052 --> 01:04:47,538
So I'm feeling like shit in
almost every department.
1289
01:04:47,573 --> 01:04:50,231
Falling-off-the-wagon hangovers
are a law unto themselves.
1290
01:04:50,265 --> 01:04:51,715
They hurt you in
many harsher ways
1291
01:04:51,749 --> 01:04:52,785
than regular ones.
1292
01:04:55,546 --> 01:04:58,135
And that cranberry piss
was a bit worrying, too.
1293
01:05:04,762 --> 01:05:06,109
Now I've got
a few hours to kill
1294
01:05:06,143 --> 01:05:08,352
and get my shit together
before my blind date
1295
01:05:08,387 --> 01:05:09,906
with this
cello-playing woman.
1296
01:05:11,079 --> 01:05:14,048
Fuck, it's cold.
Icy cold.
1297
01:05:14,082 --> 01:05:17,189
Scary cold.
I feel edgy.
1298
01:05:17,223 --> 01:05:18,880
And I knowing it's
coming off me,
1299
01:05:18,915 --> 01:05:20,192
which is never
a good thing in London--
1300
01:05:20,226 --> 01:05:21,779
it exposes you.
1301
01:05:21,814 --> 01:05:24,368
The city gremlins
can feel you.
1302
01:05:24,403 --> 01:05:26,198
You smell like prey.
1303
01:05:26,232 --> 01:05:28,200
You are prey.
1304
01:05:28,234 --> 01:05:30,374
Shit, why did Ray have to
bring that article
1305
01:05:30,409 --> 01:05:32,066
with that bloody
what's-her-face on it?
1306
01:05:32,100 --> 01:05:33,619
Clare Mattheson.
1307
01:05:33,653 --> 01:05:36,311
You can do better than that.
Shout it out, laddie!
1308
01:05:36,346 --> 01:05:37,934
Clare Mattheson!
1309
01:05:40,557 --> 01:05:42,317
Got you!
Ah, your bum!
1310
01:05:42,352 --> 01:05:43,940
Got you!
You can't come in here.
1311
01:05:43,974 --> 01:05:46,666
This is my zone, my zone,
my zone, got you again!
1312
01:05:46,701 --> 01:05:49,738
-That's five, 10, 15, 20--
1313
01:05:49,773 --> 01:05:51,948
-Twenty-five. Captured.
-Cheat.
1314
01:05:54,502 --> 01:05:55,848
Clare, there's something
I gotta tell you.
1315
01:05:57,919 --> 01:05:59,093
I'm an alcoholic.
1316
01:06:00,128 --> 01:06:03,028
At least I was, I've been sober
for a few months now.
1317
01:06:14,315 --> 01:06:15,626
Tell me everything.
1318
01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:18,767
Everything meaning what?
1319
01:06:18,802 --> 01:06:20,252
Everything meaning everything
you can remember
1320
01:06:20,286 --> 01:06:21,494
from the day you were born,
1321
01:06:21,529 --> 01:06:22,979
including the day you were born.
1322
01:06:27,017 --> 01:06:28,501
So I did.
1323
01:06:28,536 --> 01:06:29,986
My dad was dead by the time
I was seven,
1324
01:06:30,020 --> 01:06:31,263
I was living with...
1325
01:06:31,297 --> 01:06:32,643
I told her everything
I could remember
1326
01:06:32,678 --> 01:06:33,713
about my whole life.
1327
01:06:34,162 --> 01:06:35,508
When I was at school,
1328
01:06:35,543 --> 01:06:37,683
there was this, uh--
this t-- this art teacher,
1329
01:06:37,717 --> 01:06:39,478
and he this Bolex camera,
and it was him
1330
01:06:39,512 --> 01:06:41,135
who actually got me into
art college,
1331
01:06:41,169 --> 01:06:43,171
'cause he saw a couple of
my short films that I did...
1332
01:06:43,206 --> 01:06:45,104
And I woke up in her flat
and I'm puking up,
1333
01:06:45,139 --> 01:06:46,692
just puking up
in this kid's bucket,
1334
01:06:46,726 --> 01:06:48,211
this child's bucket.
1335
01:06:48,556 --> 01:06:51,007
Anyone who wanted a drink--
I'd be like that,
1336
01:06:51,041 --> 01:06:52,698
just go,
I'd just be with them.
1337
01:06:52,732 --> 01:06:54,907
I don't care what his name is,
what he does for a living,
1338
01:06:54,941 --> 01:06:57,530
whether he's a nice bloke,
whether he's a murderer,
1339
01:06:57,565 --> 01:06:59,325
whether he's
a fucking pedophile.
1340
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:01,051
It didn't matter,
it didn't-- it didn't matter.
1341
01:07:01,086 --> 01:07:03,329
But now I suppose
the thing is to try and--
1342
01:07:03,364 --> 01:07:05,021
try and kind of
stabilize everything,
1343
01:07:05,055 --> 01:07:08,093
and-- and not be
such a prat, basically.
1344
01:07:09,197 --> 01:07:11,717
Because I've been a prat.
I know that.
1345
01:07:11,751 --> 01:07:13,857
If I was...
1346
01:07:13,891 --> 01:07:16,549
And not once did I get
the feeling she was bored.
1347
01:07:16,963 --> 01:07:18,517
'Cause I've been
the bloke who'd get crazy...
1348
01:07:20,070 --> 01:07:22,866
And when I got to the part
about that whole crazy day
1349
01:07:22,900 --> 01:07:24,730
that ended up with me in
Bramwell Hospital...
1350
01:07:24,764 --> 01:07:26,490
And the next thing you know,
you wake up
1351
01:07:26,525 --> 01:07:27,733
and you're in fucking rehab.
1352
01:07:27,767 --> 01:07:29,424
She just stopped me
and said...
1353
01:07:29,459 --> 01:07:32,496
You see? That's just
a small bit.
1354
01:07:32,531 --> 01:07:34,084
One day, two days.
1355
01:07:34,912 --> 01:07:36,638
Don't let it be the focus.
1356
01:07:37,846 --> 01:07:40,263
It's just one small piece, hmm?
1357
01:07:41,298 --> 01:07:42,679
Come here.
1358
01:07:42,713 --> 01:07:44,439
-Thanks.
-Come here.
1359
01:07:45,130 --> 01:07:46,131
Thank you.
1360
01:07:48,305 --> 01:07:50,066
And I knew right then
and there that
1361
01:07:50,100 --> 01:07:52,344
I would spend the rest of my
miserable time on Earth
1362
01:07:52,378 --> 01:07:54,794
with this woman.
1363
01:07:54,829 --> 01:07:56,210
And that there was
a good chance
1364
01:07:56,244 --> 01:07:57,659
she could actually
save my life.
1365
01:08:00,283 --> 01:08:03,286
-Aah! Ooh! Ow!
-What?
1366
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:04,908
-Oh, my God, fuck.
-What is it?
1367
01:08:04,942 --> 01:08:07,980
It was like a-- like a bloody
great big stitch suddenly.
1368
01:08:09,430 --> 01:08:10,431
Now it's gone.
1369
01:08:11,639 --> 01:08:13,537
Boy, that really hurt.
1370
01:08:13,572 --> 01:08:14,987
I gotta go for a wee now.
1371
01:08:15,436 --> 01:08:16,954
-You all right?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
1372
01:08:16,989 --> 01:08:19,647
Just need to go for a slash.
Cor dear, that was horrible.
1373
01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:40,323
Don't shoot me, you muppet.
Shoot the kids.
1374
01:09:00,515 --> 01:09:03,760
Merci. Au revoir.
Au revoir, les enfants.
1375
01:09:03,794 --> 01:09:05,106
Oh, what that was fantastic,
wasn't it?
1376
01:09:05,141 --> 01:09:08,005
-Fantastic.
-Oh, it's beautiful, man.
1377
01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:10,042
I'm gonna go back and
have a bath, I think.
1378
01:09:10,076 --> 01:09:11,181
Oh, okay, I'm gonna go
and see if I can get
1379
01:09:11,216 --> 01:09:12,355
a little bit of
refreshment, you know?
1380
01:09:14,322 --> 01:09:16,428
No, no, no, not that sort.
Just a little...
1381
01:09:16,462 --> 01:09:17,946
you know, maybe?
1382
01:09:17,981 --> 01:09:19,534
Is that okay?
1383
01:09:19,569 --> 01:09:21,467
Yes. Yes,
of course it is.
1384
01:09:21,502 --> 01:09:23,607
Look, look, alcohol
is my problem.
1385
01:09:23,642 --> 01:09:25,920
Drugs I've always been able to
take or leave.
1386
01:09:25,954 --> 01:09:26,955
-Really?
-Yeah.
1387
01:09:26,990 --> 01:09:29,165
Well, I always
thought that...
1388
01:09:29,199 --> 01:09:31,167
And you thought right,
Clare, my darling,
1389
01:09:31,201 --> 01:09:32,927
that I'm
a walking fuck-up,
1390
01:09:32,961 --> 01:09:34,480
so I talk in riddles.
1391
01:09:34,515 --> 01:09:36,586
You will come to know this.
1392
01:09:37,207 --> 01:09:38,726
No no, no, no.
Joint schmoint.
1393
01:09:38,760 --> 01:09:39,865
It's fine,
don't worry about it.
1394
01:09:39,899 --> 01:09:41,177
Okay, well,
that would be nice.
1395
01:09:41,211 --> 01:09:43,938
Okay. Okay. Okay.
1396
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:45,560
I'll see you a bit later,
all right?
1397
01:09:45,595 --> 01:09:46,630
-Yeah.
-Be careful, won't you?
1398
01:09:46,665 --> 01:09:48,218
-Yeah.
-All right.
1399
01:10:04,786 --> 01:10:06,374
I scored some weed
easy-peasy.
1400
01:10:09,032 --> 01:10:12,000
Should I have
stopped myself? Sure.
1401
01:10:12,035 --> 01:10:14,796
Can you be high and sober?
Course not.
1402
01:10:14,831 --> 01:10:16,660
For your luck.
1403
01:10:16,695 --> 01:10:18,731
Should I go back
to the hotel and tell Clare
1404
01:10:18,766 --> 01:10:21,217
I have some grass but
I can't smoke it with her?
1405
01:10:21,251 --> 01:10:22,218
Again, yes.
1406
01:10:23,357 --> 01:10:27,223
Aah, ahh, oh!
Oh, Jesus fucking-- Aah!
1407
01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:31,468
Aah! Aah! Aah!
1408
01:10:42,203 --> 01:10:44,412
You need to go home,
my friend,
1409
01:10:44,447 --> 01:10:47,001
as soon as you can...
1410
01:10:47,035 --> 01:10:48,761
for you are unwell.
1411
01:10:56,286 --> 01:10:57,632
What are you saying, darling?
1412
01:10:57,667 --> 01:10:59,116
What are you saying?
1413
01:11:03,086 --> 01:11:05,088
So, cut to
six years later,
1414
01:11:05,122 --> 01:11:06,503
as they say
in the movies.
1415
01:11:07,401 --> 01:11:09,437
How can you do that?
How do you do that?
1416
01:11:09,472 --> 01:11:10,783
Clare and I got married,
1417
01:11:10,818 --> 01:11:12,475
had a beautiful daughter
named Coral
1418
01:11:12,509 --> 01:11:14,649
who we made on the night train
to Marrakech.
1419
01:11:14,684 --> 01:11:16,030
First-time bull's-eye.
1420
01:11:18,515 --> 01:11:20,414
Whoa, oh, here you are,
Mum, look.
1421
01:11:21,967 --> 01:11:24,314
And sadly the Moroccan
Goliath was right
1422
01:11:24,349 --> 01:11:28,076
and I discovered that I did
indeed have bladder cancer.
1423
01:11:28,111 --> 01:11:29,457
Big sobs all around.
1424
01:11:30,458 --> 01:11:33,289
Hello, who is it?
Oh, it's you, hello.
1425
01:11:33,323 --> 01:11:35,325
But I got rid of it.
Couple of times, in fact.
1426
01:11:36,464 --> 01:11:38,397
Trouble is,
it kept coming back,
1427
01:11:38,432 --> 01:11:39,778
as if it had
forgotten something.
1428
01:11:39,812 --> 01:11:41,435
Everybody out.
1429
01:11:41,469 --> 01:11:43,747
Like it wanted to chew
a bit more of my insides off,
1430
01:11:43,782 --> 01:11:44,886
you know?
1431
01:11:45,715 --> 01:11:47,682
Almost. Not bad.
1432
01:11:47,717 --> 01:11:49,097
It did look very nice,
I gotta tell you.
1433
01:11:49,132 --> 01:11:50,616
Very nice from where
I was standing.
1434
01:11:59,867 --> 01:12:02,490
-Fish fingers.
-Again? Hey!
1435
01:12:02,525 --> 01:12:04,630
Anyway, touch wood, I've been
okay for over a year now
1436
01:12:04,665 --> 01:12:05,804
and decided to make
a film about
1437
01:12:05,838 --> 01:12:07,357
the whole experience
in true
1438
01:12:07,392 --> 01:12:10,360
indulgent-director-
craves-the-limelight fashion.
1439
01:12:10,395 --> 01:12:12,051
Blood and Milk,
I called it.
1440
01:12:12,086 --> 01:12:15,123
Seemed to have the right blend
of enigma and pretension.
1441
01:12:15,158 --> 01:12:17,056
Trouble is, I keep hearing
that obnoxious Yankee
1442
01:12:17,091 --> 01:12:19,265
movie trailer
voice in my head.
1443
01:12:19,300 --> 01:12:20,853
This fall,
1444
01:12:20,888 --> 01:12:24,167
love and
cancer collide...
1445
01:12:24,201 --> 01:12:25,513
Wish cancer
would collide with
1446
01:12:25,548 --> 01:12:26,652
that annoying twat.
1447
01:12:30,035 --> 01:12:31,761
We kept showing it to people
to get a reaction.
1448
01:12:33,072 --> 01:12:34,833
Kirstin lands in ten minutes.
1449
01:12:35,489 --> 01:12:37,249
Right, and what are you gonna
do when she gets here?
1450
01:12:39,424 --> 01:12:41,874
-Not smother her.
-Good. Very good.
1451
01:12:42,530 --> 01:12:44,843
Give yourself a blow job.
1452
01:12:44,877 --> 01:12:46,672
Since she went to live with
her family in the States,
1453
01:12:46,707 --> 01:12:48,812
Kirstin and Ray have been
having a bit of a rocky time,
1454
01:12:48,847 --> 01:12:50,573
but he's convinced her
to fly to London
1455
01:12:50,607 --> 01:12:52,126
so they can have
a powwow.
1456
01:12:52,609 --> 01:12:54,162
It'll be all right,
don't worry about it.
1457
01:12:54,197 --> 01:12:55,509
It'll be all right.
1458
01:12:59,409 --> 01:13:00,755
Right, let's do this,
shall we?
1459
01:13:01,238 --> 01:13:02,274
All right.
1460
01:13:07,866 --> 01:13:08,867
Mm-hmm.
1461
01:13:10,040 --> 01:13:11,732
Yes, they did,
I'm telling you.
1462
01:13:11,939 --> 01:13:13,699
It played really well,
they loved it,
1463
01:13:13,734 --> 01:13:15,011
you fucking
deal with it.
1464
01:13:15,045 --> 01:13:16,944
Oh, they were bored,
they were bored, Ray!
1465
01:13:17,462 --> 01:13:19,049
Jesus, allow yourself
to feel good for once,
1466
01:13:19,084 --> 01:13:21,086
you fucking
non-lugubrious farce.
1467
01:13:21,535 --> 01:13:22,743
Take it from me.
1468
01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:26,609
You have done an extremely
good job on this one.
1469
01:13:26,643 --> 01:13:28,231
You should be
very fucking proud.
1470
01:13:28,265 --> 01:13:29,784
I know.
1471
01:13:30,406 --> 01:13:32,338
If anything, it's gonna be
cathartic, isn't it?
1472
01:13:32,373 --> 01:13:33,719
Oh, what, turn the camera
on meself once?
1473
01:13:33,754 --> 01:13:34,962
Not particularly, no.
1474
01:13:34,996 --> 01:13:36,412
I'm just supplying
the disease, aren't I?
1475
01:13:36,446 --> 01:13:38,275
The rest is just
plain old storytelling.
1476
01:13:38,310 --> 01:13:40,381
Oh, look at you practicing
your pithy quotes
1477
01:13:40,416 --> 01:13:41,555
-for the press release.
1478
01:13:41,589 --> 01:13:42,797
There you go.
1479
01:13:43,902 --> 01:13:44,937
Yeah, hello?
1480
01:13:45,628 --> 01:13:46,732
Yeah, it is, yeah.
1481
01:13:49,942 --> 01:13:51,979
Eyewitnesses said
the Bentley Ray had sent
1482
01:13:52,013 --> 01:13:53,463
to pick her up as
a surprise
1483
01:13:53,498 --> 01:13:56,086
was cruising at 60
just past Heston services
1484
01:13:56,121 --> 01:13:58,364
when a container truck
came down the slip road
1485
01:13:58,399 --> 01:13:59,987
like a 40-ton
bat out of hell
1486
01:14:00,021 --> 01:14:02,645
and rammed it right into
the concrete bridge support.
1487
01:14:05,337 --> 01:14:07,270
Took the fire brigade
2 1/2 hours
1488
01:14:07,304 --> 01:14:09,099
to cut Kirstin out of
the wreckage.
1489
01:14:12,758 --> 01:14:15,623
And in a small cemetery
outside Queens,
1490
01:14:15,658 --> 01:14:16,866
we buried her.
1491
01:14:18,488 --> 01:14:20,835
And I said goodbye to
the complete stranger
1492
01:14:20,870 --> 01:14:22,596
who helped to
save my life.
1493
01:14:26,807 --> 01:14:28,256
We can use this shot.
1494
01:14:28,291 --> 01:14:30,569
We pan straight up to the nurse
when she's inside--
1495
01:14:30,604 --> 01:14:33,503
Okay, but as long as--
as long as inside of all that,
1496
01:14:33,538 --> 01:14:35,747
you've got the little girl...
1497
01:14:35,781 --> 01:14:37,438
After that,
we all dutifully tried to be
1498
01:14:37,473 --> 01:14:38,957
brave little soldiers
1499
01:14:38,991 --> 01:14:41,684
and look on the bright side
of Eric Idle's life.
1500
01:14:41,718 --> 01:14:44,134
We were all kind of waiting
for something to come along
1501
01:14:44,169 --> 01:14:45,688
and take our mind off it,
1502
01:14:45,722 --> 01:14:46,827
and lo and behold--
1503
01:14:46,861 --> 01:14:49,519
Ow! Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!
1504
01:14:49,554 --> 01:14:50,969
Never wanting to
disappoint the troops
1505
01:14:51,003 --> 01:14:52,384
in their hour of need,
1506
01:14:52,418 --> 01:14:55,145
I unselfishly supplied
the necessary diversion.
1507
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:56,940
Fucking hell, man.
1508
01:14:56,975 --> 01:14:59,529
Oh, you cunt!
You cunt!
1509
01:15:00,944 --> 01:15:02,290
Et voila!
1510
01:15:02,325 --> 01:15:04,534
Smiling Doc Baker,
that's my consultant,
1511
01:15:04,569 --> 01:15:06,260
confirmed my suspicions.
1512
01:15:06,294 --> 01:15:07,468
Light claret,
1513
01:15:07,503 --> 01:15:09,643
cloudy with no body,
some sediment.
1514
01:15:10,367 --> 01:15:11,921
Not a good year at all.
1515
01:15:12,473 --> 01:15:13,578
Doesn't look good,
does it?
1516
01:15:14,855 --> 01:15:16,822
Could just be
a small regrowth.
1517
01:15:17,202 --> 01:15:18,721
And if it's not?
1518
01:15:18,755 --> 01:15:21,517
Well, if it's not, we'll--
we'll deal with it, old boy.
1519
01:15:22,345 --> 01:15:23,588
More chemo?
1520
01:15:24,934 --> 01:15:26,970
Not-- Not an option,
I'm afraid,
1521
01:15:27,005 --> 01:15:29,145
no, no,
not after last time.
1522
01:15:29,559 --> 01:15:32,735
No, that was a bit severe, hmm?
No, bit severe, no.
1523
01:15:33,356 --> 01:15:36,359
Now, how many sessions
did we have?
1524
01:15:36,393 --> 01:15:37,671
We? I had ten.
1525
01:15:37,705 --> 01:15:40,087
I don't seem to remember
you having any.
1526
01:15:40,708 --> 01:15:44,160
-Right, right.
-Right.
1527
01:15:44,194 --> 01:15:47,543
And there was multiple
regrowth within the year.
1528
01:15:47,784 --> 01:15:49,579
So there was, Doc.
1529
01:15:49,614 --> 01:15:51,581
Fuck me sideways,
what a memory.
1530
01:15:51,616 --> 01:15:53,238
Fancy me not remembering that.
1531
01:15:53,272 --> 01:15:54,998
Mm-hmm.
1532
01:15:55,033 --> 01:15:57,345
Complete waste of time,
irony, with this bloke.
1533
01:15:57,380 --> 01:15:59,555
I've never known anyone take
anything so literally
1534
01:15:59,589 --> 01:16:01,004
that wasn't American.
1535
01:16:01,039 --> 01:16:03,869
No, if-- if, um, if chemo's
gonna be effective,
1536
01:16:03,904 --> 01:16:05,250
you know,
on the bladder,
1537
01:16:05,284 --> 01:16:07,217
it's gonna be
first time around.
1538
01:16:07,908 --> 01:16:10,566
Look, I mean, considering
the amount you took on board,
1539
01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:12,360
-you know--
-A liter.
1540
01:16:12,395 --> 01:16:13,361
What?
1541
01:16:13,396 --> 01:16:14,742
The amount I took on board.
1542
01:16:15,881 --> 01:16:17,745
Hundred CCs a session
for ten sessions--
1543
01:16:17,780 --> 01:16:20,058
I make that
one whole liter,
1544
01:16:20,092 --> 01:16:21,231
but then, you know,
I could be wrong.
1545
01:16:21,266 --> 01:16:22,750
What do I know?
I'm just the poor fucker
1546
01:16:22,785 --> 01:16:24,062
who took it up the dick!
1547
01:16:24,096 --> 01:16:25,581
Well, that's it, you see.
1548
01:16:25,615 --> 01:16:27,444
I mean, that is it exactly.
1549
01:16:27,479 --> 01:16:30,758
You just-- You don't want to
go through that again, do you?
1550
01:16:30,793 --> 01:16:33,899
I mean, mind you,
I-- I must say
1551
01:16:33,934 --> 01:16:37,213
you took it on the chin
like a champ, my God.
1552
01:16:37,247 --> 01:16:39,042
He really does use
these words. Sorry.
1553
01:16:39,077 --> 01:16:40,285
You even managed to
laugh about it.
1554
01:16:40,319 --> 01:16:41,700
You said something
very funny, what was it?
1555
01:16:41,735 --> 01:16:42,908
Kept your--
What was it?
1556
01:16:42,943 --> 01:16:44,530
Sense of tumor.
1557
01:16:44,565 --> 01:16:47,637
Kept your
sense of tumor, ha!
1558
01:16:47,672 --> 01:16:51,054
That's it, that's it, that was
bloody, bloody good, that,
1559
01:16:51,089 --> 01:16:52,746
bloody good-- kept us in
stitches for weeks,
1560
01:16:52,780 --> 01:16:54,437
that did.
1561
01:16:54,471 --> 01:16:57,164
Matter of fact, there was just
one of these hospital junkets,
1562
01:16:57,198 --> 01:16:59,822
vascular consulting chum
of mine, he was...
1563
01:16:59,856 --> 01:17:02,410
And on he goes,
blah, blah, blah,
1564
01:17:02,445 --> 01:17:04,447
about some
mindless anecdote
1565
01:17:04,481 --> 01:17:05,621
from who cares when.
1566
01:17:07,070 --> 01:17:08,762
But I'm gone.
1567
01:17:08,796 --> 01:17:09,832
I'm back in that room,
1568
01:17:09,866 --> 01:17:11,696
stark naked from
the waist down
1569
01:17:11,730 --> 01:17:14,319
as Dr. Patna shoves
a 20-millimeter plastic tube
1570
01:17:14,353 --> 01:17:15,976
up my urethra.
1571
01:17:16,010 --> 01:17:18,012
Routine for him,
not for me.
1572
01:17:18,047 --> 01:17:20,428
It's only my third
chemotherapy session.
1573
01:17:20,463 --> 01:17:22,465
So far it's been
easy-peasy:
1574
01:17:22,499 --> 01:17:24,812
no burning, no nausea,
no loss of hair,
1575
01:17:24,847 --> 01:17:27,090
a regular
stroll in the park.
1576
01:17:27,125 --> 01:17:28,264
So when will I know
1577
01:17:28,298 --> 01:17:30,162
when the chemo's
doing its stuff then?
1578
01:17:30,197 --> 01:17:31,750
We'll know the chemicals
have bitten deep enough
1579
01:17:31,785 --> 01:17:32,924
into the bladder muscle
1580
01:17:32,958 --> 01:17:34,719
when you find the pain
is intolerable.
1581
01:17:35,892 --> 01:17:37,135
Which, scary as it
may sound,
1582
01:17:37,169 --> 01:17:38,654
I can't really relate to,
1583
01:17:38,688 --> 01:17:40,656
'cause I haven't experienced
any of those things.
1584
01:17:41,035 --> 01:17:42,830
I'll look forward
to that then.
1585
01:17:42,865 --> 01:17:45,246
So I feel like the guy's
gonna get away with it.
1586
01:17:45,281 --> 01:17:46,765
In fact,
1587
01:17:46,800 --> 01:17:48,594
I feel so curiously detached
from the whole thing
1588
01:17:48,629 --> 01:17:50,631
that it's like a film
I'm directing
1589
01:17:50,666 --> 01:17:51,874
that I feel I'm not
getting enough from.
1590
01:17:53,047 --> 01:17:54,704
No, cut, cut, cut.
Hang on a minute.
1591
01:17:56,223 --> 01:17:57,707
Noah, listen.
1592
01:17:57,742 --> 01:17:58,984
What?
1593
01:17:59,019 --> 01:18:01,573
Can, um...
1594
01:18:01,607 --> 01:18:04,024
can you just give me
a little bit more, you know?
1595
01:18:04,058 --> 01:18:05,577
A bit more what?
1596
01:18:05,611 --> 01:18:07,821
Well, you know, fear, pain,
concern, you know.
1597
01:18:07,855 --> 01:18:09,685
This is-- This is chemo.
I think we need to--
1598
01:18:09,719 --> 01:18:11,341
Yeah, but I'm not--
I'm not feeling
1599
01:18:11,376 --> 01:18:12,653
any of those things, am I?
1600
01:18:12,688 --> 01:18:13,861
I can't just--
1601
01:18:13,896 --> 01:18:16,657
Well, you know
maybe you're not,
1602
01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:18,521
but can you just
pretend that--
1603
01:18:18,555 --> 01:18:20,385
that it's something,
you know,
1604
01:18:20,419 --> 01:18:21,869
'cause it's just, uh--
1605
01:18:21,904 --> 01:18:23,664
Well, it's not very good,
and, uh,
1606
01:18:23,699 --> 01:18:25,804
I'm not getting very much
from this, you know?
1607
01:18:25,839 --> 01:18:27,668
I-- I may have to
cut this scene.
1608
01:18:27,703 --> 01:18:29,014
That-- that would be
a shame.
1609
01:18:29,049 --> 01:18:32,224
Well, I'm sorry, I can't
just pretend something
1610
01:18:32,259 --> 01:18:33,812
that's not real, sorry.
1611
01:18:33,847 --> 01:18:36,642
That's just hokum, okay?
I'm not doing that.
1612
01:18:36,677 --> 01:18:38,403
That's fake, Noah.
That's totally fake.
1613
01:18:38,437 --> 01:18:39,922
I'm not doing that, man,
just not doing that.
1614
01:18:39,956 --> 01:18:42,372
Okay, okay.
I hear you, I hear you.
1615
01:18:42,407 --> 01:18:45,272
All right, okay.
Good, good, good.
1616
01:18:47,343 --> 01:18:48,724
-Hack.
-Fucking actors.
1617
01:18:48,758 --> 01:18:50,173
Right, what session's
this again?
1618
01:18:50,208 --> 01:18:52,106
Uh, third of ten sessions
altogether.
1619
01:18:52,141 --> 01:18:54,695
Ten, all right. Listen,
reset for session ten.
1620
01:18:54,730 --> 01:18:56,386
Joe, let's reset for
session ten, shall we?
1621
01:18:56,421 --> 01:18:57,905
All right, folks,
let's reset,
1622
01:18:57,940 --> 01:18:59,424
we're going for
session ten now,
1623
01:18:59,458 --> 01:19:00,563
session ten,
everybody.
1624
01:19:00,597 --> 01:19:02,599
But, of course,
it's not a film.
1625
01:19:05,741 --> 01:19:07,466
It's not a film at all.
1626
01:19:24,587 --> 01:19:26,762
No, fuck off!
1627
01:19:26,796 --> 01:19:28,798
Get this out of me!
1628
01:19:28,833 --> 01:19:31,421
Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off,
fuck off I can't breathe!
1629
01:19:31,456 --> 01:19:33,147
Stay strong!
Work with me!
1630
01:19:33,182 --> 01:19:35,115
Oh, God, it's burning,
it's burning me!
1631
01:19:35,149 --> 01:19:37,600
-You can do it!
-I can't, I can't, I can't!
1632
01:19:37,634 --> 01:19:41,259
I can't, I can't, I can't,
no, no, no, no, no!
1633
01:19:41,293 --> 01:19:43,399
-We're almost there.
1634
01:19:43,433 --> 01:19:45,159
There's just
a little bit there.
1635
01:20:00,209 --> 01:20:03,039
Bigger!
Come on!
1636
01:20:05,352 --> 01:20:06,732
Come on, bigger!
1637
01:20:14,844 --> 01:20:17,847
I don't want to die.
1638
01:20:30,653 --> 01:20:33,829
I don't want to die.
1639
01:20:40,697 --> 01:20:43,631
Miracles do happen.
I didn't die.
1640
01:20:43,666 --> 01:20:45,357
And apart from that
minor regrowth
1641
01:20:45,392 --> 01:20:47,532
which Doc Baker rather
expertly diagnosed
1642
01:20:47,566 --> 01:20:49,879
and then cauterized for me
in fairly short order,
1643
01:20:49,914 --> 01:20:52,123
it stayed away again
for another chunk,
1644
01:20:52,157 --> 01:20:53,779
lying there in wait
like a snake
1645
01:20:53,814 --> 01:20:55,505
in my personal
little undergrowth
1646
01:20:55,540 --> 01:20:58,198
until the day Clare told me
she was pregnant again.
1647
01:20:58,543 --> 01:21:00,821
Noah, you happy?
1648
01:21:00,856 --> 01:21:02,616
Of course I am, darling.
1649
01:21:03,859 --> 01:21:05,791
-That's fantastic.
-Go on, your go.
1650
01:21:05,826 --> 01:21:08,208
-What?
-You wanted to say something.
1651
01:21:08,242 --> 01:21:10,417
And that moment
right there
1652
01:21:10,451 --> 01:21:12,143
that I can
never have again...
1653
01:21:12,177 --> 01:21:13,489
Oh, God, no, no.
1654
01:21:13,523 --> 01:21:15,146
...came and went,
1655
01:21:15,180 --> 01:21:17,700
and I've been hiding this
latest treatment since then,
1656
01:21:17,734 --> 01:21:19,219
so scared it would
1657
01:21:19,253 --> 01:21:21,531
affect her or
the baby or both,
1658
01:21:21,566 --> 01:21:23,879
tried so hard
not to be selfish,
1659
01:21:23,913 --> 01:21:26,467
put other people first,
do the right thing.
1660
01:21:26,502 --> 01:21:27,883
I thought so anyway.
1661
01:21:31,127 --> 01:21:32,335
This should be one of
1662
01:21:32,370 --> 01:21:33,681
the happiest times
of our lives!
1663
01:21:33,716 --> 01:21:35,787
Our second child
on the way,
1664
01:21:35,821 --> 01:21:38,169
you're well, I'm sawing,
money's no problem.
1665
01:21:38,203 --> 01:21:40,999
Jesus Christ, Noah,
I even want you,
1666
01:21:41,034 --> 01:21:42,345
I'm even horny,
1667
01:21:42,380 --> 01:21:45,348
but you look at me
like I'm radioactive!
1668
01:21:45,383 --> 01:21:46,936
You know, maybe you
should think about
1669
01:21:46,971 --> 01:21:48,455
going to one of
those meetings,
1670
01:21:48,489 --> 01:21:50,560
because you are fucking
impossible at the moment!
1671
01:21:50,595 --> 01:21:52,493
Tell them I told you so!
1672
01:21:56,428 --> 01:21:57,947
And I'm getting
punished for it,
1673
01:21:57,982 --> 01:22:01,364
like I'm in some tacky TV
docu-drama soap opera
1674
01:22:01,399 --> 01:22:02,779
calledFuckup Street
or something.
1675
01:22:11,098 --> 01:22:12,962
Clare's been spending
more and more time
1676
01:22:12,997 --> 01:22:14,412
with her best mate, Etta.
1677
01:22:17,242 --> 01:22:18,795
Would you excuse us?
1678
01:22:18,830 --> 01:22:19,969
It was our first
weekend back in London
1679
01:22:20,004 --> 01:22:21,660
after our trip
to Morocco,
1680
01:22:21,695 --> 01:22:23,904
and who threw a party
to welcome her back
1681
01:22:23,939 --> 01:22:25,457
so I could be paraded around
as the new boyfriend?
1682
01:22:25,492 --> 01:22:27,114
There you are.
Hello, love.
1683
01:22:27,149 --> 01:22:28,667
Hello.
1684
01:22:28,702 --> 01:22:30,290
-How are you, baby?
-Good, good.
1685
01:22:30,324 --> 01:22:32,292
This is-- This is
the famous Etta,
1686
01:22:32,326 --> 01:22:35,226
who is as talented
as she is interesting
1687
01:22:35,260 --> 01:22:36,882
as she is lovely
as she is gorgeous.
1688
01:22:37,573 --> 01:22:39,057
And this is Noah.
1689
01:22:39,092 --> 01:22:40,748
Oh, my God!
1690
01:22:40,783 --> 01:22:42,923
He's adorable!
Hello!
1691
01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:44,304
You see?
Straight away.
1692
01:22:44,338 --> 01:22:46,237
What am I, a fucking
Golden Labrador puppy?
1693
01:22:46,271 --> 01:22:47,721
Careful, love,
I might get excited
1694
01:22:47,755 --> 01:22:48,825
and shit on your carpet.
1695
01:22:48,860 --> 01:22:50,344
It's very nice
to meet you, Etta.
1696
01:22:50,379 --> 01:22:51,759
I enjoyed watching you play.
1697
01:22:51,794 --> 01:22:53,451
Clare's told me
all about you.
1698
01:22:53,485 --> 01:22:55,625
All good, I hope.
He's lovely!
1699
01:22:55,660 --> 01:22:58,042
Oh, goodness me,
aren't you cute?
1700
01:22:58,352 --> 01:23:00,078
Now you must have
a good stiff drink
1701
01:23:00,113 --> 01:23:01,321
and meet all these people.
1702
01:23:01,355 --> 01:23:03,461
No, 'cause I'm an alcoholic,
so I can't.
1703
01:23:03,495 --> 01:23:05,325
An alcoholic!
Isn't he funny?
1704
01:23:05,359 --> 01:23:08,121
What do you think we are,
in Hollywood or something?
1705
01:23:08,155 --> 01:23:09,950
But she didn't mention that
you were a tricksy bastard
1706
01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:11,434
and I'd have to watch
me back from now on,
1707
01:23:11,469 --> 01:23:13,160
but I've worked that out
on me own in five seconds,
1708
01:23:13,195 --> 01:23:14,851
so we're off to a flyer.
1709
01:23:14,886 --> 01:23:16,681
And the next thing I know,
1710
01:23:16,715 --> 01:23:18,372
she's sitting down
opposite me
1711
01:23:18,407 --> 01:23:20,512
with her legs
casually open
1712
01:23:20,547 --> 01:23:21,962
and she's not wearing
any knickers.
1713
01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:24,551
She is presenting her bush
to me full on,
1714
01:23:24,585 --> 01:23:26,518
and it's no mistake either--
it's a challenge.
1715
01:23:26,553 --> 01:23:28,003
I can feel it,
1716
01:23:28,037 --> 01:23:30,695
despite her efforts
to cloak it from the pack.
1717
01:23:30,729 --> 01:23:34,181
You're right-- second violin
is more relaxed.
1718
01:23:34,216 --> 01:23:36,666
-Well, you have to be.
-Lazy, even.
1719
01:23:36,701 --> 01:23:38,151
And completely without
ambition, don't you think?
1720
01:23:38,185 --> 01:23:39,359
There, see?
1721
01:23:39,393 --> 01:23:41,016
Don't tell me
you didn't see that.
1722
01:23:41,050 --> 01:23:44,191
That is a full-on face-off,
or minge-off in this case,
1723
01:23:44,226 --> 01:23:46,331
and it's a top-notch minge,
as well,
1724
01:23:46,366 --> 01:23:48,402
but my dick doesn't get
the slightest twinge,
1725
01:23:48,437 --> 01:23:51,474
despite the fact this is
one perfect vagina.
1726
01:23:51,509 --> 01:23:52,855
'Cause otherwise
you get frustrated.
1727
01:23:52,889 --> 01:23:54,581
Yeah.
1728
01:23:54,615 --> 01:23:55,720
Don't pick up
the gauntlet, Noah.
1729
01:23:57,377 --> 01:23:59,068
I think so, I think
we've got to be
1730
01:23:59,103 --> 01:24:00,932
a certain type of person.
1731
01:24:01,346 --> 01:24:02,692
Why is that?
1732
01:24:04,280 --> 01:24:06,248
Because solos scare
the shit out of us.
1733
01:24:07,939 --> 01:24:09,182
Don't get me wrong.
1734
01:24:09,216 --> 01:24:11,598
We like to be heard
in rehearsal,
1735
01:24:11,632 --> 01:24:13,151
but if we don't
get our way,
1736
01:24:13,186 --> 01:24:14,187
I don't think
we put up a fight.
1737
01:24:14,221 --> 01:24:15,567
I suppose you could say...
1738
01:24:15,602 --> 01:24:16,741
you could say
we're easygoing.
1739
01:24:16,775 --> 01:24:18,191
I suppose you could
also say that
1740
01:24:18,225 --> 01:24:19,709
you're a scary,
manipulative witch.
1741
01:24:20,262 --> 01:24:21,780
Are you easygoing, Noah?
1742
01:24:21,815 --> 01:24:23,713
Oh, I don't like you,
darling.
1743
01:24:23,748 --> 01:24:25,405
-Me?
-Yeah.
1744
01:24:25,439 --> 01:24:27,372
-No.
-Not one little bit.
1745
01:24:27,407 --> 01:24:28,787
No, I'm not easygoing
at all, really.
1746
01:24:29,581 --> 01:24:31,204
What was the name of that...
1747
01:24:31,238 --> 01:24:33,482
And with that, the curtain
closes on the muff matinee.
1748
01:24:33,516 --> 01:24:35,725
Next show,30.
1749
01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:38,107
So, what?
Did I pass that test?
1750
01:24:38,142 --> 01:24:40,523
Fail it?
Who knows?
1751
01:24:40,558 --> 01:24:41,662
I don't feel like I failed.
1752
01:24:42,491 --> 01:24:43,975
One thing I do know:
1753
01:24:44,009 --> 01:24:47,461
I despise Etta with all
of my black little heart.
1754
01:24:48,911 --> 01:24:50,361
And now,
seven years later,
1755
01:24:50,395 --> 01:24:52,363
she's at our cottage
with my wife
1756
01:24:52,397 --> 01:24:54,917
weaving God only knows
what kind of magic spells
1757
01:24:54,951 --> 01:24:57,299
and pulling all kinds of
weapons of my destruction
1758
01:24:57,333 --> 01:24:59,818
from her 9-out-of-10
front bottom.
1759
01:24:59,853 --> 01:25:01,441
And she even had
the front to invite me
1760
01:25:01,475 --> 01:25:03,788
to go with them to
my own fucking cottage.
1761
01:25:03,822 --> 01:25:05,755
"Oh, change your mind
and come...
1762
01:25:05,790 --> 01:25:07,550
Change your mind.
Come with us. Please.
1763
01:25:07,585 --> 01:25:08,827
Be so much fun.
1764
01:25:08,862 --> 01:25:10,415
No, it's all right,
you-- you girls go,
1765
01:25:10,450 --> 01:25:11,727
have a good time.
1766
01:25:11,761 --> 01:25:13,556
-Drive carefully, darling.
-Mm, I will.
1767
01:25:13,798 --> 01:25:15,282
Come on, Ett, jump in.
1768
01:25:26,328 --> 01:25:28,916
Is it your cottage
that she is at?
1769
01:25:28,951 --> 01:25:30,090
Eh? You know it is,
1770
01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:31,816
you know it's
my cottage she's at.
1771
01:25:31,850 --> 01:25:35,337
Do you know where it is
and how to get there?
1772
01:25:37,994 --> 01:25:39,617
Mate, here, look, this is
what you do, all right?
1773
01:25:39,651 --> 01:25:42,620
You drive straight down there
and you surprise them.
1774
01:25:43,483 --> 01:25:45,657
What, now?
1775
01:25:45,692 --> 01:25:48,557
No, next February,
you fucking maroon.
1776
01:25:54,287 --> 01:25:55,529
God, this hamper's
bloody heavy,
1777
01:25:55,564 --> 01:25:57,773
I'm sweating cobs here.
1778
01:25:57,807 --> 01:26:00,327
So what am I gonna do
when I get there?
1779
01:26:00,362 --> 01:26:02,398
I run through a few options
I'd like to do.
1780
01:26:07,196 --> 01:26:09,750
Different attitude. Shift--
you have to shift, Noah.
1781
01:26:44,958 --> 01:26:47,374
Suddenly, I didn't want them
to know I was there.
1782
01:26:55,106 --> 01:26:58,178
I hadn't heard Clare laugh
for ages.
1783
01:26:58,213 --> 01:27:00,732
Hadn't made Clare
laugh for ages.
1784
01:27:02,182 --> 01:27:04,046
She looked so happy
and relaxed.
1785
01:27:05,220 --> 01:27:06,980
I didn't want to
spoil it.
1786
01:27:11,709 --> 01:27:14,608
So I left, feeling
very unwanted
1787
01:27:14,643 --> 01:27:17,232
and disconnected...
1788
01:27:17,266 --> 01:27:18,302
to anything.
1789
01:27:20,476 --> 01:27:21,581
Adrift.
1790
01:27:21,891 --> 01:27:23,445
I'm Amy.
1791
01:27:23,479 --> 01:27:27,725
This is my second meeting
and I guess I'm an alcoholic.
1792
01:27:27,759 --> 01:27:29,278
I drove back to London
like a maniac
1793
01:27:29,313 --> 01:27:30,866
and next thing I know,
I'm sitting in
1794
01:27:30,900 --> 01:27:33,040
a midnight A.A. meeting
in Muswell Hill,
1795
01:27:33,075 --> 01:27:36,112
confused, lonely
and pissed off.
1796
01:27:36,147 --> 01:27:38,460
As Ray would say, my head's
a dangerous neighborhood
1797
01:27:38,494 --> 01:27:40,393
and I shouldn't be
walking through it alone.
1798
01:27:40,427 --> 01:27:42,981
Why am I here?
God knows.
1799
01:27:43,016 --> 01:27:45,121
Keeping it all in the moment,
like they keep telling me.
1800
01:27:45,605 --> 01:27:46,778
And I'm an alcoholic.
1801
01:27:46,813 --> 01:27:48,918
God, they look so perky.
Look at 'em:
1802
01:27:48,953 --> 01:27:51,300
sober, perky fuckers.
1803
01:27:52,301 --> 01:27:55,304
Yesterday's history,
tomorrow's a mystery.
1804
01:27:55,339 --> 01:27:57,237
Piss off.
1805
01:27:57,272 --> 01:27:59,239
Hi, my name is Fiona,
1806
01:27:59,274 --> 01:28:02,898
and I'm a grateful
recovering alcoholic.
1807
01:28:02,932 --> 01:28:05,210
Here goes,
and I know this is wrong,
1808
01:28:05,245 --> 01:28:07,316
but I can't stop myself.
1809
01:28:08,490 --> 01:28:11,044
Hi, everyone!
My name is Noah,
1810
01:28:11,078 --> 01:28:13,391
and, yeah,
you guessed it!
1811
01:28:14,427 --> 01:28:16,636
I'm an alcoholic too!
1812
01:28:17,878 --> 01:28:19,363
And as grateful alkie Fiona
1813
01:28:19,397 --> 01:28:21,330
knocks of a quick impression of
Munch's "Scream"...
1814
01:28:23,159 --> 01:28:24,782
Fucking have some champagne,
you fucking sober cunt!
1815
01:28:24,816 --> 01:28:26,680
You all fucking want it,
don't ya?
1816
01:28:26,715 --> 01:28:28,337
You love it, don't ya?
1817
01:28:28,372 --> 01:28:30,512
Go on, you fucking
sober wankers!
1818
01:28:32,341 --> 01:28:33,653
Just gonna pop out
and get some more.
1819
01:28:33,687 --> 01:28:34,861
Is that all right?
Won't be long.
1820
01:28:34,895 --> 01:28:38,382
By the way, Peter?
Love the suit.
1821
01:28:46,528 --> 01:28:49,324
Did I feel better after
the champagne debacle?
1822
01:28:50,152 --> 01:28:52,119
Obviously not.
1823
01:28:52,154 --> 01:28:54,156
Did I tell Clare
the cancer was back
1824
01:28:54,190 --> 01:28:56,192
when she got home
from the cottage?
1825
01:28:56,227 --> 01:28:57,608
No, I didn't.
1826
01:28:57,642 --> 01:28:59,368
I know:
weak, coward, wanker,
1827
01:28:59,403 --> 01:29:01,232
all three and others,
whatever.
1828
01:29:02,992 --> 01:29:04,994
But anyway,
as it turned out...
1829
01:29:05,029 --> 01:29:06,341
I mean,
come off it, Clare,
1830
01:29:06,375 --> 01:29:08,377
I haven't made a decent
film in ages.
1831
01:29:08,412 --> 01:29:10,034
You've almost finished
Blood and Milk.
1832
01:29:10,068 --> 01:29:11,518
The rough cut's beautiful.
1833
01:29:11,553 --> 01:29:12,899
Oh, it's an indulgence.
1834
01:29:13,865 --> 01:29:15,867
I think all films are
indulgences.
1835
01:29:17,075 --> 01:29:18,801
There's no cause
in storytelling.
1836
01:29:18,836 --> 01:29:20,320
Yeah, that's exactly
what I mean.
1837
01:29:20,355 --> 01:29:22,874
I might just fart about
in post-production, you know,
1838
01:29:22,909 --> 01:29:25,498
and I take a few meetings
here and there with
1839
01:29:25,532 --> 01:29:27,948
fucking disinterested,
fucking untalented
1840
01:29:27,983 --> 01:29:30,572
miserable fucking twats.
1841
01:29:31,089 --> 01:29:32,884
Apart from that,
I do fuck-all.
1842
01:29:34,714 --> 01:29:36,509
You've been very ill, Noah.
1843
01:29:37,510 --> 01:29:38,718
It's not your fault.
1844
01:29:38,752 --> 01:29:41,065
I know it's not my
fucking fault, Clare!
1845
01:29:55,355 --> 01:29:57,426
Oh, my God.
Oh, Noah.
1846
01:29:59,532 --> 01:30:00,878
How long have you known?
1847
01:30:03,950 --> 01:30:05,469
Why didn't you tell me?
1848
01:30:07,747 --> 01:30:09,956
I just--
I don't know.
1849
01:30:12,096 --> 01:30:14,547
I just--
I don't know--
1850
01:30:15,720 --> 01:30:19,137
Look at you,
all tongue-tied, sweet.
1851
01:30:20,069 --> 01:30:21,761
You know what, Clare, why
don't I just fuck off a while
1852
01:30:21,795 --> 01:30:23,210
and leave you and Coral?
1853
01:30:23,245 --> 01:30:24,729
I'm so obviously just a pain
in the fucking arse.
1854
01:30:24,764 --> 01:30:26,351
You know what?
You know what?
1855
01:30:26,386 --> 01:30:27,629
Look at me.
Look at me.
1856
01:30:28,388 --> 01:30:29,424
When I signed up with you,
1857
01:30:29,458 --> 01:30:30,873
I signed up for
the full package,
1858
01:30:30,908 --> 01:30:33,324
all of it,
good and bad.
1859
01:30:34,636 --> 01:30:36,189
-You hear me?
-Yeah.
1860
01:30:36,983 --> 01:30:38,640
Yeah, it's not always
a bed of roses,
1861
01:30:38,674 --> 01:30:40,227
but you and I, together,
1862
01:30:40,262 --> 01:30:41,953
we can get through
anything, anything.
1863
01:30:41,988 --> 01:30:43,714
-You hear me?
-Yeah.
1864
01:30:43,748 --> 01:30:44,853
-You hear me?
-Yeah.
1865
01:30:47,303 --> 01:30:48,753
Tell you the truth,
1866
01:30:48,788 --> 01:30:51,273
I always thought roses were
vastly overrated anyway.
1867
01:31:00,420 --> 01:31:01,939
Clare Mattheson...
1868
01:31:02,940 --> 01:31:04,148
will you be mine?
1869
01:31:05,149 --> 01:31:06,702
Yes, I will.
1870
01:31:07,669 --> 01:31:09,843
Will you be mine,
Noah Arkwright?
1871
01:31:11,845 --> 01:31:13,468
Yeah, yes, I will.
1872
01:31:23,201 --> 01:31:25,652
Oh...
1873
01:31:33,695 --> 01:31:35,524
So, everything
out in the open.
1874
01:31:35,559 --> 01:31:37,699
Good, thank God.
1875
01:31:37,733 --> 01:31:40,356
All hands on the same deck
again. Excellent.
1876
01:31:42,186 --> 01:31:44,602
I hadn't felt so normal
in months.
1877
01:31:44,637 --> 01:31:45,983
It was a great feeling.
1878
01:31:48,364 --> 01:31:50,332
Truth...
1879
01:31:50,366 --> 01:31:51,989
best drug on the market.
1880
01:32:08,212 --> 01:32:10,317
She found it quite hard
to play with the bump,
1881
01:32:10,352 --> 01:32:11,802
but she said she
loved the idea of the music
1882
01:32:11,836 --> 01:32:14,390
vibrating through her body
into our unborn child.
1883
01:32:18,222 --> 01:32:20,604
I loved her so much
for thinking like that.
1884
01:32:22,088 --> 01:32:23,572
Ow! Oh!
1885
01:32:31,787 --> 01:32:34,238
Aah! Oh! Aah!
1886
01:32:41,417 --> 01:32:45,318
Ow, oh!
Oh, God, Jesus!
1887
01:32:45,352 --> 01:32:47,216
Oh. Ow! Ow!
1888
01:32:52,601 --> 01:32:53,878
Clares!
1889
01:32:53,913 --> 01:32:55,742
Clares!
1890
01:33:04,233 --> 01:33:06,097
Jesus, it fuckin' hurts!
1891
01:33:42,513 --> 01:33:43,825
Oh, no.
1892
01:34:02,671 --> 01:34:05,018
What are you saying, darling?
What are you saying?
1893
01:34:06,123 --> 01:34:07,365
I think
this might be it.
1894
01:34:08,194 --> 01:34:09,782
I think this might be it.
1895
01:34:09,816 --> 01:34:12,060
Shut the fuck up, Noah!
Shut up!
1896
01:34:26,730 --> 01:34:28,179
Darling,
are you all right?
1897
01:34:28,214 --> 01:34:29,560
Yeah, the baby's coming.
1898
01:34:29,905 --> 01:34:31,769
Oh, Lord, what?
1899
01:34:31,804 --> 01:34:33,840
My waters have broken.
Can you get someone?
1900
01:34:33,875 --> 01:34:36,118
Ah, right. Pregnant woman,
broken waters,
1901
01:34:36,153 --> 01:34:37,395
uh, wheelchair.
1902
01:34:37,430 --> 01:34:39,052
That's it, yeah,
bring it in, bring it in,
1903
01:34:39,087 --> 01:34:40,571
tight ship,
tight ship, that's it.
1904
01:34:41,641 --> 01:34:43,505
-Go on.
-Don't you worry about me.
1905
01:34:43,539 --> 01:34:45,680
There you are.
Nothing to worry about.
1906
01:34:47,060 --> 01:34:48,752
That's it.
There you are.
1907
01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:51,202
Be careful with her.
1908
01:34:51,237 --> 01:34:52,894
Oh, no, I don't want to
leave you.
1909
01:34:53,204 --> 01:34:54,792
I'm fine.
Go and have a baby
1910
01:34:54,827 --> 01:34:56,898
and stopping making
such a fuss, go on.
1911
01:34:59,763 --> 01:35:01,868
Don't worry, darling.
I love you.
1912
01:35:03,042 --> 01:35:06,839
I love you too.
See you later.
1913
01:35:29,137 --> 01:35:30,863
Sorry about the attire,
old boy.
1914
01:35:30,897 --> 01:35:32,830
Bloody farmers' dinner
this evening.
1915
01:35:32,865 --> 01:35:34,901
No time to go home
and change.
1916
01:35:35,799 --> 01:35:37,283
Fox steaks?
1917
01:35:37,801 --> 01:35:38,802
What?
1918
01:35:39,630 --> 01:35:43,254
On the menu tonight,
is it fox steaks?
1919
01:35:43,289 --> 01:35:45,222
Oh, Lord.
1920
01:35:45,256 --> 01:35:47,224
No, no, no. No,
nothing like that at all.
1921
01:35:47,258 --> 01:35:49,502
No, no.
Buggers don't feel a thing,
1922
01:35:49,536 --> 01:35:51,953
you know,
at the kill, nah, no.
1923
01:35:51,987 --> 01:35:53,782
Spoken like
a true surgeon.
1924
01:35:54,231 --> 01:35:55,888
So...
1925
01:35:57,475 --> 01:35:58,511
Noah.
1926
01:36:01,963 --> 01:36:03,688
Looks pretty bad in there.
1927
01:36:04,482 --> 01:36:08,555
It's, um almost all
bloody tumor, you know,
1928
01:36:08,590 --> 01:36:11,351
it's hardly any
bladder left at all.
1929
01:36:11,386 --> 01:36:13,146
It's, um...
1930
01:36:15,493 --> 01:36:17,564
bugger struggled for you
though, you know,
1931
01:36:17,599 --> 01:36:19,463
and-- and we've--
we've done our best
1932
01:36:19,497 --> 01:36:21,258
to keep the blighter in,
you know.
1933
01:36:25,296 --> 01:36:27,091
But it's, uh--
1934
01:36:28,575 --> 01:36:30,681
it's come to that time, yes?
1935
01:36:32,648 --> 01:36:34,167
And he looks at me
expecting some kind of
1936
01:36:34,202 --> 01:36:36,445
resignation or other.
1937
01:36:36,480 --> 01:36:39,414
Well, I won't make it
easy for him.
1938
01:36:39,448 --> 01:36:41,761
Let him feel some of
the terror of the fox
1939
01:36:41,796 --> 01:36:43,901
when he has
nowhere to run...
1940
01:36:43,936 --> 01:36:45,489
and nowhere to hide.
1941
01:36:47,525 --> 01:36:49,389
Bottom line, old boy,
1942
01:36:49,424 --> 01:36:51,806
bladder's got to come out.
1943
01:36:55,810 --> 01:36:57,052
Immediately.
1944
01:37:02,299 --> 01:37:03,990
So, look, um...
1945
01:37:05,371 --> 01:37:07,580
you might want
to make some calls.
1946
01:37:07,856 --> 01:37:09,478
Mm-hmm?
1947
01:37:10,238 --> 01:37:12,412
Get the affairs in order,
that sort of thing.
1948
01:37:14,242 --> 01:37:16,865
And perhaps, uh...
1949
01:37:16,900 --> 01:37:19,040
write a couple of letters,
hmm?
1950
01:37:19,074 --> 01:37:23,699
You know, to your daughter
and, uh, of course, the baby.
1951
01:37:26,323 --> 01:37:29,982
You know, something they can--
they can read at a future date.
1952
01:37:39,474 --> 01:37:41,027
What are you telling me?
1953
01:37:44,513 --> 01:37:46,999
I'm telling you to write
a couple of letters, Noah.
1954
01:38:29,213 --> 01:38:30,214
Shh, shh.
1955
01:38:35,081 --> 01:38:36,462
Oh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.
1956
01:38:36,738 --> 01:38:38,567
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.
1957
01:38:39,258 --> 01:38:40,776
She's got cello hands.
1958
01:38:42,813 --> 01:38:44,573
Have to get her
a mini one ASAP
1959
01:38:44,608 --> 01:38:46,265
so she can start
sawing away.
1960
01:38:49,371 --> 01:38:50,579
Yeah.
1961
01:38:54,894 --> 01:38:56,689
Go on, sweetheart.
1962
01:39:00,451 --> 01:39:01,866
Say what you need to.
1963
01:39:02,453 --> 01:39:04,835
You never know when you'll
get to do this again.
1964
01:39:33,726 --> 01:39:35,728
I'm sorry I had to
leave you, Clare.
1965
01:39:37,799 --> 01:39:39,904
I tried to stay
as long as I could.
1966
01:39:42,735 --> 01:39:45,324
All the King's horses
and all the King's men...
1967
01:39:46,221 --> 01:39:48,741
Well, you know what their
track record's like, don't you?
1968
01:39:49,397 --> 01:39:51,123
Bloody piss poor.
1969
01:40:05,620 --> 01:40:07,173
Oh, my angel.
1970
01:40:09,244 --> 01:40:10,487
My angel.
1971
01:40:11,488 --> 01:40:13,421
I'll always be here,
darling.
1972
01:40:20,600 --> 01:40:22,878
I do get to come
see Clare quite often.
1973
01:40:22,913 --> 01:40:24,225
They say it's because
1974
01:40:24,259 --> 01:40:25,709
we had a real connection
while I was alive
1975
01:40:25,743 --> 01:40:27,676
that you can stay
connected after you go.
1976
01:40:28,539 --> 01:40:30,403
Whoever "they" are.
1977
01:40:30,438 --> 01:40:31,956
You'd think you'd finally
meet "them"
1978
01:40:31,991 --> 01:40:33,579
on the other side.
1979
01:40:33,613 --> 01:40:35,650
Looked for them
all over the place,
1980
01:40:35,684 --> 01:40:38,584
but no one there seems
to know who they are either.
1981
01:40:38,618 --> 01:40:41,587
Turns out they
don't exist after all.
1982
01:40:41,621 --> 01:40:45,384
They're simply a figment of
our overactive imagination.
1983
01:40:55,463 --> 01:40:57,810
Just another bloody
fairy story.
1984
01:42:09,537 --> 01:42:12,264
to be searching
1985
01:45:16,206 --> 01:45:17,725
Here's something
for everyone.
1986
01:46:11,434 --> 01:46:14,126
Just look at
this place!
1987
01:47:20,330 --> 01:47:21,952
You charmer.
136491
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