Original subtitles

Hello, I'm Princess Di and I'd like to buy an apartment

What are you looking for?

I'd like an apartment that is close to my work

I work in a playground store

Take a look, I think we have one

- Do you like the kitchen? - Wow! I love the kitchen, it's awesome

Check out the couch and the living room

Wow! The couch is pretty, I love it

Look on the next floor, we have a double bed

- And a bunk bed here, right? - Yes, do you like it?

Yes, and my husband and me plan to have two children

Their names will be Alexander and Caroline

I'll take it I'm going to buy the apartment

- Who will pay for it? - My husband and me will pay for it

- With a mortgage - Really?

Yes

The interest rate is 2.5% over twelve months starting from the date of the last payment

Then the Euribor rate will be variable, increasing by 0.5

Final payment: 24th of August, 2043

Perfect

That wasn't so bad, right? Now we all know exactly what we're signing

Ms. Aguado

Oh, it's a black pen... Do you have another colour, please?

- It's fine, you can sign in black - Yes, I know that

But the black blends in I'd like it to stand out from the text

- Isn't there one here? - I have one

- It's green - Okay, that's great

Thank you

- I sign each page, right? - Yes

- And when is the wedding? - Very soon

21st of May

It's done

- Your turn - My turn

Are you all right?

Want another pen?

Why couldn't you sign with the pen from the notary?

I told you it's the same colour as the other text

It's always the same thing, you know

In a restaurant we have to change tables three times

because you don't like the lighting

In a hotel, you ask for a room exactly like the website

Nothing is ever the way you want it

- Is this because of the enema? Yes - No!

- Please don't bring it up now - Yes but that's why

- No, it really isn't - Excuse me...

We'll give you some time alone and you can talk, huh?

- We're coming back, right? - Yes, of course, of course

Maria, this has nothing to do with the enema, okay?

- It's about the enema, yes - No, it isn't

It is but that's fine

We haven't had sex since and that was three months ago

Because you made me give you one like I was a nurse

All I said was I wouldn't do it without one

Maybe we could be a bit more spontaneous and do it without one!

- Then clean shit off the sheet? - Yes, I'd rather clean shit off the sheet!

Don't shout

It's just that you're just so inflexible

You're the most inflexible person on the planet

And I can't take it anymore, Maria

Maria, Maria...

You can come in

- So? Sorted it out? - We have a question

- If you were about to have anal sex... - No

Would you prefer that your partner had an enema?

or got carried away by passion and cleaned poo off the sheet?

- No, you don't need to answer... no - We can ask, right?

I need to know if you're going to sign or not

I'm sorry, Maria

I can't sign a 30-year mortgage with you, I can't

It isn't 30 years, it's 25

They've just read it

- I have to get out of here - Seriously?

I'm sorry

Sorry

There is no way we can get the down payment back, right?

May I have the pen back, please?

Thank you

WHEN YOU DON'T LET YOURSELF GO

Quick question I didn't take the pill last night

- Do I take it twice? - Absolutely not

Are you sure? I won't get pregnant, right?

No

- My love - Hey, where are you?

- I'm just leaving the meeting right now - Hurry, today's the day

I'll be there in 20, okay? Ciao, ciao, ciao

I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!

Shit, sorry, babe did I wake you?

- No, no - No?

- You sure? - No, don't worry about it

- How are you? - Good, what time is it?

It's ten you wanna go and get breakfast together?

But didn't you have to get up early to paint?

Yeah and I'm done

I wanted to take a little break before I go to work, you know?

- Yeah? - Hmmm

- Where do you work? - In a museum

- Really? - Yeah

- And you? - I work in a shop

Oh, hi! Welcome to the Mortgage club!

We'll celebrate this afternoon at Paula's birthday

We'll drink a toast to you and your new apartment

Gustavo has left me, Chris

Genaro, the bouncy castle is coming at four, can you let them in?

- Yes, your husband told me - Chris, are you listening?

- Perfect, thanks a ton - Of course

Hey, sweetie, I'm so happy for you, love you

Gotta meeting now see you at the party, kisses, love you!

You too

- Hi, honey, where are you? - In the kitchen

- How are you? - Fine

We have to be fast how was the meeting?

- Really good and you? - Good

- Yeah? - Yes, very good

- It needs to be quick, I have 15 minutes - No, only five

- What? Okay - I have work, I have to go soon

Hang on

- We can name him Rafa - What?

We can call the baby Rafa after Rafa Nadal

His school pals will be able to say, "Come on, Rafa"

But first, you have to get me pregnant, my love

- Right - Okay

- I'm gonna come! I'm coming! I'm coming - Honey! Honey!

We've made Rafa with this one, huh? It was like a line drive

You're the best, love you

- Love you - See you

Come on, come on, come on

Picasso, look how incredibly realistic the wrinkle is below his face

First time I saw it, I said "Oh, God, it's my grandpa''

We've placed Dali next to Velazquez

because you may not know it but Dali was super awestruck by Velazquez

It's a pity they are just wax and can't talk and stuff

Sebas, come I'd like to introduce Sebas

He's the wax artist at the museum here

You're gonna flip out when you hear how he did the hair of Justin Bieber

What? No, what?

Pop the cork! Who owns a house now?

- So why are you here? - Gustavo left me today

- What? - Yeah, Gustavo left me

Fuck!

- Hey, hey, hey, look, yellow! Here, Gari! - Thank you

Here

- This will look really good - Well, how's it going?

- Are the Rugrats behaving? - I think I'll hire them

I can sure use their help in the lobby

- Need a hand? Okay - Yes, thanks, Gari

- Know what I'll bring now? - What?

- More light bulbs! - Cool!

- Excuse me, Martina, what is wrong? - I've got it

What's wrong? There you go

Mummy's phone is ringing

- Javier, what's up? What happened? - My cake! My cake! My cake!

Hang on, just a second, Javier...

Gari? Can you pay the cake guy? It was 25 and change

- Make it 27, okay? - 27

- He will give you back 23 - 27, 23

- That's it, great, thank you - Okay, okay... hello!

- Javier, okay, I'm listening - Mummy! My cake! My cake!

- You have to charge 27 - Hang on

Let's see if I have change

Look, twenty in bills and some coins...

I'll take that... 23

- It's 23 - Yeah, a second, okay?

Ten, fifteen, twenty...

- Okay, it's good - Okay, bye

The cake, the cake...

- Here you go... alright - Okay, great, see you, okay

- Shit, I don't have any clean towels - Well, I'll do the laundry later

Whatever

If you're hungry there's Chinese food over there in the fridge

Cheer up, okay? Cheer up

Coming here was the right fucking thing to do

Gustavo was an asshole

Would you describe as straitlaced?

- What? - Do you think I'm straitlaced?

- Gustavo says I am straitlaced - No, straitlaced, no

- What am I like? - Persnickety

- Persnickety, how? - You get rigid, you know

Rigid and persnickety are not the same thing

Don't beat yourself up you just are who you are

What am I like?

I want to know, really you are my sister, I won't care

Pass me the box with poodles... on it?

Thank you

- So tell me - Well...

I don't know, when I started clubbing for example you remember that?

You took a permanent marker and wrote the bus times on my arm

- so I wouldn't get home too late - Yeah, I was worried about you

You're my little sister I should be the one worried for you

- Not you for me - That's not persnickety

That's just being responsible

- And your hair? - What about my hair?

You've always had it this way since you were eight year old

You've never improvised not even a braid, a little barrette

- Nothing, zilch - Yeah

Hey... don't let it bug you

You're amazing! And if Gustavo doesn't like you then screw him

And if I don't like me?

What are you doing? Come on, stop it

Don't do the dishes, I'll do them

- What are you doing? - Watch

Wow! What? Sis?

You aren't a pussy! Fucking do it!

Come on, cut off more! Cut off more!

Oh, Holy Jesus, what the...!

God, that's badass!

You've got ovaries, Maria! You've got fucking ovaries!

My hair, I cut my hair!

I cut my hair!

- You're super crazy! - I'm crazy

- And I'll do stuff that's really crazy - Go for it!

I'm going to be disorganized I won't shower

- I'm gonna skip work - Get laid!

- Go out partying - Go, girl!

I'll go get laid, I'll go and sing!

I'll going dancing, I'll do drugs! I'll do drugs!

I'll do drugs! Your stash of drugs?

Where is it?

No, no, no, no, no

Hey, hey, Maria, you've had a real rough day it'll make it worse

- What's this? Cocaine? - Take it easy

- No, it's not cocaine - What is it?

- It's heroin? - What do you mean heroin?

- I don't know - It's Molly

- What's Molly? - MDMA

- The love drug... yeah - Love drug? I want it

- You want to be high at a kids' party? - Well, yes, I do

- I can't handle kids - What if you have a bad trip?

I won't, how do I take it?

- Do I dissolve it in water? - No, you just suck your finger

and stick it in the baggie just one suck, okay?

Just a bit, I said that to you, you moron

- You're gonna feel like crap - It'll be alright

So what? Do you want it?

Okay, fine

- You did drugs - So how long till I feel it?

Maria, Maria

You're just super special

Someone who loves you have to accept your obsessions

Maria, your obsessions

Maria, Maria

- Why are you here? - It's my party

- What do you think of all this? - Beautiful

It's great here we'll throw the next party here too

We'll see, we'll see don't get your hopes up

Don't count on it

You did a great job with this party I don't do this much

- It got a bit out of hand - Hey, we won't complain

- Did you hang up the flags? - No, I had help

- Genaro the caretaker and the gardner too - Awesome

Hey, Gari? You're done with that, right?

- Yeah, sort of done - You're sort of?

Come on, I have something for you

- Okay, let's go - Do you sell many paintings?

Well... well, right now that topic is...

- It's a real debate - Why?

- Art versus business - Sure

What's the most important thing? Is... is it creative purity?

- Or public recognition? - Pure creative art always, I mean...

- It's pure, of course - Of course

Do you use Instagram?

My niece is an illustrator she sells work on it

- Really? - Yeah

- She has over 50,000 followers - What?

She's called Cactus Girl

I don't like social media and all that I don't feel comfortable with it

I paint on canvas

- Oh! - I exhibit...

I love that scarf on you

- Is it cashmere? - Yes

It's "catch me"

- Catch... - "Catch me"!

Oh, now I get the joke, it's ''Catch me!''

To my retirement

- More? - More

- So Genaro, I'm gonna get drunk, huh? - I'm glad to have met you

Me too, Genaro

Down the hatch

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Paula!

Happy birthday to you!

- What's up? You're acting really weird - What?

- What is up with your hair, sweetie? - Hey, kids!

- Who wants to learn to paint? - I do! I do!

Well, let's go inside, go inside

- Hey, your friend Marta... - Straight, straight

- Are you sure? - They are having a great time, honestly

- Thanks so much - Next is the painting class, just wait

- I'm sure - Later, we'll toss back some gin, right?

Oh, man, of course absolutely, yes, gin tonics

- Well, I will if you help me clear up - Okay

- Let's go - Come on

- I'm so tripped! - Me too

I'm losing my mind! Let's go dance and get laid

Let's dance and get laid and get laid also

- I've gotta go do this painting class - Whatever, let's go

I feel like I'm elastic I can feel my skin

Yeah, enjoy it, enjoy it

- I mean you could... - My finger is tasty

Lick yourself and touch yourself, girl you're gonna flip out

Feel the greenness go to the castle...

I know I wanna go commune with the nature, you'll flip out

Try it, I'm serious

Feel the greenness, gotta go! I'll be back!

Hey, kids!

Pablo! Where are you?

Really? That's suck you're going to miss it

Well, really, you've missed it

She loved it, yes

Hey, Esther's giving a painting class, okay? Gotta go

Yes, sure, see you soon, don't worry

- Hi - Hi

What's your name?

- Gari - Gari...

Like Gari Grant

You smell good, can I hold you?

- What? - Can I kiss you?

Why do you call yourself Cactus Girl?

Here, I cleaned them

Paula, doesn't this drawing look like a piece of shit to you?

No

Cris, can you fix me one of your G&Ts with thingies in it?

- What's this? - Vitamins

No

- They're not vitamins - Yes, they are

- Why are you taking the pill? - Hello!

- Any cake left? - Hi, honey!

Hey, what's this? What's Frida Kahlo doing here?

An autograph, please, Frida?

- What is up, dude? - How are you? Hmm?

You're prettier than her though You're missing a unibrow

- You okay? - Great

Relieved finally finished with that car campaign

- That's why I couldn't get away, sorry - That's great

- No worries, put the girls to bed, okay? - No, that's not enough

You two stay here have your girl talk, don't touch a thing

- My surprise! My surprise! - Keep it down, keep it down

- This is from your mum... - Hey, Martina is sleeping

Now, this is from me look at this cool bike

What do you think?

- How does it work? - No, no, no, we'll try it out tomorrow

- Yeah! - One thing...

I saw Maria in the bouncy castle she's spaced out

Because she took a whole a lot of vitamins

Yeah, I guess the doctor prescribed them for this party

- Say goodnight - Bye, bye!

- Goodnight, honey! - See you tomorrow! What?

Give me those vitamins! Give me some vitamins

- What's up with Maria? - Huh?

Mary!

- How many G&Ts did you have? - About four... Not so many!

- She's there - Why would she be there?

- Hang on - I don't believe she's in the castle

Mary!

What are you doing there? Have you been here the whole time?

Esther, careful, careful you're always so rough

Are you okay?

- I'm hungover - No, what about Gustavo?

I'm sure it was something stupid tomorrow you'll sort it out

I don't think so

I wanted to start a family and stuff, but...

That's over, I won't have kids

But I wanted to have kids you know I don't have many eggs

- I'm almost out of eggs - Wait, wait, wait, wait...

No, Esther, I don't have many eggs left

- They said I can freeze some - You've got just wait and chill out

You're coming down off the M, okay?

It's when You get really analytical you think too much

What?

Did you come to my daughter's party on drugs, Maria?

- She did too - God, you're such a snitch, God!

I don't believe it you two are the fucking worst

Seriously? Seriously?

Well, you hide the fact that you're on the pill from Pablo

What? The pill? Really? What about another one?

Know what your sister did?

Spent all afternoon hassling Marquitos's mum

She's been dying to eat pussy since she got her period

You're joking

Yeah, I knew...

- Here, drink - Pour it nice and slow

- Girls, here's to our new lives - To us

We're gonna fucking kick ass!

It's sinking! Oh, my God!

It's coming down!

Get me out!

There it is the size of a lentil

When did you have your last period?

A month and half ago or two

Well, you've been pregnant for seven weeks

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