Original subtitles

[ Pounding on door ]

Man: Help! Help me!

[ Pounding continues ]

Oh, my God, Pete. What happened?

You were the only one I could call.

Okay, stay here. I'm gonna call 911, alright?

No, no, no. It's too late.

Will you please just do me a favor?Of course.

After I die, could you please roll my ashes up

into a blunt...

[Singsong] and smoke me?

[ Laughs ] Oh, you ass! I almost had a heart attack!

It's jerky. Happy Halloween.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

What?

What?

♪ Like I know you want me to do ♪

There's something seriously wrong with you.

You didn't inherit Dad's love for Halloween?

That guy was the king of pranks.

He loved messing with me all the time.

Yes, my favorite prank was when

he abandoned me at the age of 10.

Wow. Very dark. Nice.

So, aside from giving me a coronary,

what are you doing in town?

Are you kidding? L.A. is lit during Halloween season.

I got five parties lined up.

You didn't bring Chastity?

No. She's, uh, stuck in Tempe.

They're doing a haunted house at the strip club.

But I was wondering if you still have

that open-door policy on your guest room?

A little notice would have been nice, but, yeah, sure.

How long would you like to stay?

Oh, just a couple days. Weeks. Months. I don't know.

But I do need some clothes. And deodorant.

And a toothbrush. Uh, I don't have anything.

Of course not. W-Why -- Why would you?

♪♪

Hmm. Can you grab the blueberries?

[ Rock music playing ]

We don't have any.

Wha-- I just went shopping.

Hey, when you finish something,

you need to put it on the shopping list.

I didn't eat them. I didn't.

Okay. Fine.

Just -- Just next time, put it on the list.

Oh, hey, did you figure out what costume you're gonna wear

to the West Hollywood parade tonight?

Um...not yet.

I sent you a ton of suggestions.

No offense... but they all sucked.

Um, o-okay. Well, just because you say "no offense"

doesn't mean it hurts less.

[ Knock on door ]

Hello. Hi.

I'm Margaret from 604. You're a cop, right?

Yeah. Uh, what's going on?

Hey. Stop! No, no!

Those are delicate instruments!

Oh, go screw yourself!

Whoa. Police. Hey.

What's going on?They robbed me!

Okay, thatis not at all true.

Mrs. Crouch hired us

to rid her home of an aggressive spirit.

You mean a ghost? You guys are ghost hunters?

Yeah, we are. The spirit in Mrs. Crouch's apartment

is rather just stubborn,

so we said that we would do a follow-up.

For another $5,000. She already paid them $10,000.

Our prices are in line with industry standards.

You didn't get rid of my ghost! Now, give me my money back!

Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

Mrs. Crouch is gonna stop trashing your stuff,

and you guys are going to give me your information

so I can pass it on to a detective.

Mm-hmm.

Lopez: Hey, what are you doing here?

I just felt like swinging by

and seeing the best detective in the city.

You have a client in lockup?

That too.

Well, don't forget to pick up candy for tonight.

And not those variety packs

with that pathetic, fun-sized nonsense.

We serve full-sized bars at the Lopez-Evers abode.

Uh, good morning. Good morning.

Um, I need a favor.What's up?

My neighbor is being taken advantage of.

There are these, uh, paranormal expert,

ghost hunters, whatever.

They're charging her 10 grand

to rid her apartment of ghosts.

That's ridiculous.

10 grand should at least get you a quality exorcism.

That said, making a case against them could be tricky.

Yeah, tarot, fortune-telling, necromancy, ghost hunting --

all the psychic arts are legal in California.

But she's an old lady on a fixed income.

There's no way she can afford $10,000

on "psychic services."

Well, now, that changes the equation.

Yeah, elder financial fraud is a crime.

I'll look into it. Thank you. You're the best.

[ Cellphone ringing ]Excuse me.

Hello. This is Lucy Chen.

Um...confirming what appointment?

Excuse me?

Your mother did what?

She pre-paid for me to have my eggs frozen

at a fertility clinic.

I thought you and your mother weren't talking.

[ Scoffs ] She's definitely talking now.

Seriously, what makes her think she has the right?

♪♪

Alright. Nolan...

Can you tell me what today is and what "ACH" stands for?

Today is Halloween, and I have no idea what "ACH" stands for.

No candy for partial answers.

Harper?

Anything can happen.

[ Sighs ]

Basically a reminder to be extra careful

'cause today is Halloween and Halloween is unpredictable.

Correct. And since Officer Thorsen

has range qualifications today, you're back riding with Nolan.

Oh, just like old times.

Yeah, without the fear of the whole blue-page thing.

Uh, what kind of unpredictable can we expect today?

Good question, Chen.

Lot of liquid courage. Lot of 211's.

Teenagers snatching little kids' candy.

Masked people running into liquor stores.

Do they have a gun, or are they just late for a party?

Muzzle discipline is critical.

And?

Can you remind us how you got your uniform torn

three Halloweens ago?

Uh...

if you get dispatched to a loud party,

make sure they know you're not the stripper.

[ Laughter, cheers ]

We'll try to get you home on time,

but it's Halloween, so...

All: Anything can happen.

Exactly. Alright, be safe out there.

[ Horn honks ]

This is nice, being together again.

It's actually a relief riding with someone

who can handle himself.

A compliment? How far we've come.

I am in a good place.

You know, work's good, James is great.

I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter.

And, I don't know, this job, it's -- it's changed everything.

Nice.

Lila excited for Halloween?

Oh, beyond. She's changed her costume

like 10 times this week.

[ Chuckles ] And how do you and Donovan arrange

for trick-or-treating?

We're supposed to alternate years, but this morning,

Lila told her father and I that she wanted to do

a family-themed costume, like we used to wear.

That sounds... complicated?

Yeah. But, you know,

she has her heart set on it,

and Donovan and I are in a good place, so we agreed.

Hmm.

That's very enlightened of you. Thank you.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

Seriously, why would you jinx me like that?[ Cellphone ringing ]

Um, I should probably take this.

Go ahead.

Hey, Chastity. How's it going?

Terrible. Are -- Are you sitting down?

It's -- It's -- It's about your brother.

He's missing.Oh, no, he's --

He went to the store last night,

and he went to go get corn nuts and Fanta,

and -- and no one's seen him since, and I'm just --

I'm worried that he may have fallen off the wagon.

He's -- He's on the wagon?

Yes, and I would have called the Tempe Police,

but they're still mad about the glitter bomb and --

Okay, no, no, Chastity, um, Pete's fine.

He-- He's not on a bender and he's not missing.

He's here in Los Angeles. He's with me.

That son of a bitch.

O-Okay. You want to tell me what's going on?

What's going on is, I am going to kill your little brother

the next time I see him, but before, I'm gonna rupture

his delicate parts with a pair of stilettos

and close up all of his openings with a hot glue gun.

O-Okay. You -- You do realize you--

you've described about six crimes to me, right?

Ugh.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

You have to hand it to her -- she's very creative.

Mm-hmm.

Happy Halloween.Be safe out there.

Thank you.

I'm just saying, I am only 29.

My eggs are nowhere near their expiration date.

But clearly, my mother thinks that I'm a pathetic loser

who's never gonna find a partner

before her fertility clock ticks down.

Or she's just looking out for you,

knowing how busy you are.

Wha-- Why are you taking her side?

I'm not taking her side.

It's just -- It's a biological fact

that you have a ticking reproductive clock.

Mm. Don't be smug about the fact that men

can have kids well into their 90s.

I'm not even 30 and apparently,

I need to flash-freeze my ovaries.

It's just insurance, okay?

Look, you don't get car insurance

hoping that you crash your car.

The policy is a waste of money, alright?

If your mom wants to pay the bill, let her.

I'm gonna pretend you didn't just compare

my fertility to a car wreck.

I can't find my daughter. Selina.

She's dressed like Stitch.

Uh, ma'am, she's -- she's right over there.

No.

There were twokids dressed as Stitch.

Okay. A parent probably just grabbed the wrong kid.

Um, hi. My name is Tim. What's your name?

Alton.

Okay, did your mom or dad accidentally leave

without you, Alton?

My dad.

Okay, and what's your dad's name?

Daddy.

[ Inhales deeply ] Okay, I got this.

Hi. Do you know where you live?

Oh, great. You are so smart. Where?

In a house.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay.

This is gonna take a little bit longer than I thought.

You didn't tell her I was here, did you?

Yes, of course I did. She was freaking out.

She thought you'd gone missing.

Are you not aware of the Bro Code?

'Cause rule number seven clearly states

that when a girlfriend asks where your bro is,

the answer is always, "I don't know!"

God, you're the worst half-brother ever!

I was about to say the same thing.

Oh, good. So you agree.

[ Stammers ] I'm the --[ Indistinct shouting ]

Okay. You -- You know what?

I can't -- Pete, I got to go. I got to go.

Control, 7-Adam-15.

415 unknown, Third and Gardner.

People are running. Stand by.

Man: Get out of there!

[ Brakes squeal, indistinct shouting ]

Woman: Over there!

[ Shouting continues ]

Zombie!

Zombie!

Ma'am?

Ma'am, we're here to help. What's your name?

[ Growling ]

Ma'am, can you hear me?

[ Growling ]

♪♪

[ Woman screaming ]

Ugh!

[ Screaming ]

♪♪

[ Breathing heavily ] You ready for round two?

Yeah?

♪♪

[ All grunting ]