Original subtitles

Previously on Lois & Clark:

Disturbing news, my lord.

It appears Lord Nor and a party of his followers...

...have vanished from New Krypton.

- Where would they go? - They're on their way toward Earth.

Yield to the forces of Nor!

Lord Kal-EI...

...I have brought you a selection of concubines.

These United States ain't theirs for the taking.

- He's made us into his slaves. - I know.

Lois and I are gonna be slaves too, and undo all this.

I want your throne, Kal-EI.

And I want your world.

And I want you gone...

...forever.

Well, well.

We have here a tableau of infinite possibilities...

...none of them, unfortunately, pleasant for you.

Do you try to escape, and I kill the Kents?

Do you attack me, and I kill you?

Do we do battle, and I kill all these Earth people?

Stop me if you're sensing a theme here.

You don't wanna do battle with me.

Oh, but I do.

All my life...

...I've been one step away from marrying Zara and claiming the throne.

All my life I've heard of the lore of the great House of El and its beloved son...

...my rival. How I've hated you.

It's not me that's kept you from the throne.

It's the law of your own people.

On the contrary...

...the law of my people will place me on the throne.

- You're under arrest. - Under arrest for what?

- He hasn't done anything wrong. - You're the one who's breaking the law.

You hired an assassin to kill him, is that legal?

Excuse me, do any of you hold Kryptonian law degrees?

- No. - Then shut up!

So...

...not content with ruling your world, you wanted to rule mine.

Ambition will be the end of you, Kal-EI.

And them as well.

Are you two all right?

Could you at least get them some chairs?

On New Krypton we do not get hostages chairs.

You know what, I don't like New Krypton.

There, I said it.

I know that you're supposed to be...

...so intellectually advanced, but I think...

...you're a bunch of creeps and I am sorry that Kal-El ever...

...even gave you the time of day, much less sacrificed everything...

...to save your stupid planet.

So are you going to shoot us over a couple of chairs?

I don't think so. Because we're the only hold you've got over my friend...

...Kal-El who'd be here in two seconds to mop the floor with you.

- Well said, Lois. - Hear, hear.

Silence!

You. Inside.

Kal-EI, in accordance with your legal rights...

...you have a visitor.

A particularly vile Earth woman.

Watch it, I'm his favorite concubine.

Come on.

You gotta be careful with these guys.

- Make them mad and they might... - I'm sorry.

I get upset, I shoot my mouth off, I don't know if you noticed.

I have.

When I was a kid...

...I used to sit at that stool right there, eating banana splits all day.

Never thought I'd be locked up here with my parents chained...

...and the world about to be taken over. - I know.

It's always something.

How can they arrest you? Aren't you the king or something?

Under their law, if one noble charges another with a crime...

...then a tribunal has to be convened.

But they can't convict me, I haven't done anything.

See, you're so good...

...you assume justice will prevail. This is not something I assume.

Lois, I'm gonna beat this guy Nor.

And then the Kryptonians can go back and they can solve their own problems...

...and faster than a speeding bullet, you and I are gonna get married.

Can you make it any faster than that?

Move along, Earth slugs.

Find out if they know about kryptonite.

It's the one thing that could be a problem.

From what I can tell, they don't know about it.

For a bright bunch of aliens, they sure didn't do their homework.

Then why is he so confident of winning?

What does he have?

Well, that's what I will try to find out.

Good.

Judas Priest, it's like a tomb in here. Now, look, this may be...

...your headquarters, but it's still my newsroom, so...

...don't look so glum, let's lighten up. Superman's on the case.

Still, one more day and this whole planet may be at war.

The world's military gave Kal-El 48 hours to find what's going on in Smallville.

I'll tell you what's going on.

We got a wacko Martian on our hands and he's gotta be taken out.

- Martian? - Martian?

A generic term for anyone who's never had a Big Mac.

Chief. Chief, bad news.

Superman told STAR Labs to get kryptonite ready, only there isn't any.

It got stolen out of their vault. No sign of forced entry, had to be an inside job.

- Or else somebody with super powers. - That's what Dr. Klein said.

If Nor knows kryptonite's power and uses it against him...

He will marry me and assume the throne.

My dear, you continue to paint far too bleak a picture of Lord Nor.

I have bad news.

Doesn't anybody ever come through that door with good news?

Kal-El has surrendered to Nor, who invites us to meet him at Smallville.

I still maintain that Nor is, at heart...

...Ioyal to the nobility.

Do what you should have done. Go to this Smallville and confront him.

You have the full backing of the Council of Elders.

Well, if you feel that's best.

All right, all right then, it's a done deal. Now, Jimmy...

...I want you to tag along with these folks here.

Tell Superman and Lois about the kryptonite.

Try to get some photos inside the force field.

Thanks, chief.

Listen, Ching...

...maybe I should wear one of those black outfits...

...like Kal-EI, just so I'd fit in better.

It's not like I'd look bad, I've really lowered my percentage of body fat.

All right, line up in two columns.

Citizens' committee has drawn up a petition.

They demand more food and water for the people.

Oh, that's only fair.

Kill the committee, distribute their portion among the rest.

Leadership is problem solving.

I thought they'd never get here.

Order the field made penetrable by thought transmission.

Lord Nor, this is Zara.

What?

I hereby order you to open the force field.

You are here without authorization of the Council of Elders...

...and have much to explain.

It's Zara. They're here.

Not only to me, but to your people.

Ching.

Could you have a talk with the guy who hands out the suits?

- Sorry. - The entire Council joins me...

...in warning you not to resist our...

Jimmy, we are trying to communicate!

Look, before you go invoking the law...

...the Council, and everything that's sacred...

...let me extend to you my sincerest welcome.

Nor is letting them land. What's he up to?

Words of reason, Lady Zara.

I fear Lord Nor's been judged too harshly.

Look sharp, lads. We do want to give our...

...ruler a most fitting welcome.

My most humble greeting to Lady Zara of New Krypton.

And to the Council, at whose pleasure she rules.

Lord Nor, you've taken Kal-El prisoner.

We order his release.

We also order you to surrender this territory.

Of course, my lady, if that's what the Council wishes.

My Lords, my hope had been to provide you...

...with a full report about colonizing the Earth.

Colonizing?

We have a home.

A temporary one, I feel.

My Lord Trey...

...wasn't our charter to find the most hospitable home for our people?

Can we think the barren wasteland we live on...

...is preferable to the lushness of Earth?

Perhaps we should wait until your report is complete.

Provided...

...the townspeople are unharmed.

Why, even today I increased their rations of food and water.

As for Kal-EI...

...I'm merely holding him for tribunal, since he has the power to elude us.

- What tribunal? - A tribunal must judge any charges...

...brought by one noble against another.

And what could Lord Kal-El possibly be charged with?

The same as you, Zara.

Destroying the royal bloodline.

Betraying your people.

In short...

...high treason.

What? What?

So welcome to New Krypton.

We'll have a world of fun.

Lord Nor commends the earthly governments for ordering...

...their military units not to interfere with the reorganization of this planet.

Being annexed by New Krypton...

...is a lot like getting amiable, some say fun-loving, new neighbors.

Except, of course, you're going to be our slaves.

We will take over one city at a time...

...beginning with Metropolis.

Any city resisting this opportunity will be annihilated.

Thanks for your cooperation, and welcome to the New Krypton family.

Great shades of Elvis, have you ever heard such unmitigated gall?

- And when did that rascal switch sides? - We're not just gonna sit still for this.

I'm calling the Pentagon.

The U.N. Has to let the military act.

Oh, come on, colonel, what can you do against these people?

You've already lost men trying to stop them. Face it...

...you simply don't have a weapon...

...that's effective against these Kryptonians.

Up! Up! Up! Form up for work detail.

You, up. And you, get in line.

Yeah, you, in the baggy suit.

Hey.

Jimmy.

You noticed these aliens have a lot of attitude?

That kryptonite you said was stolen from STAR Labs, hear any talk about it?

No, and I've been nosing around.

Me too. Nobody's saying anything.

That Nor's got some game plan here. I'll bet he's got it.

- There. - You! Concubine.

Okay, let's get something straight. I am not a concubine.

Sure, baby.

You're to report to the palace. The trial's about to commence.

Hey, what about me? I'm with the press.

This is a Kryptonian matter, no one of your species is to attend.

Unless they're evidence.

Evidence?

My lords of the Tribunal of Elders, the evidence is all too clear...

...that Kal-El and Lady Zara...

...did willingly enter into a cynical pact...

...to delude the people of New Krypton and place Zara illegally on the throne.

That's a lie!

Everything I did was for the good of New Krypton.

And who would you be to judge what is good for New Krypton?

My lords, Kal-El was raised on Earth.

He's a virtual half-breed.

Awash in the primitive teachings of these simple rustics.

- You watch your mouth. - He's the best son we could hope for.

No doubt.

My lord, to anoint Kal-El our ruler is to place an earthling on the throne.

I'm proud of how I was raised.

If I knew nothing of Krypton...

...it's because I was sent here as a baby.

Your heritage was preserved for you in the ship you arrived in.

Writings, holograms.

In a language that I didn't know.

You mean a language of no interest to an Earth child.

The same child who would grow to be a man...

...and give his heart...

...to an Earth woman.

Do you deny that you're in love with this creature?

That you had her smuggled into the palace as your concubine?

That you plan to marry her...

...in direct violation of Kryptonian law?

Silence, silence!

There will be order to these proceedings.

I left her on Earth.

I left her to bring peace to your planet.

Did you, now?

And wasn't that a ruse too?

Told you I'd come back.

You did. Kiss me.

Don 't ever leave me again.

I won 't.

I'm sad to say I...

...witnessed this myself.

There is no question he loved this woman.

But also no question of what his intentions were when he left Earth.

His intentions, I'm so glad you brought that up.

Just listen to this.

You saved yourself for her?

- Yeah. - How dare you?

Well, I saved myself for Lieutenant Ching.

So then, we're agreed.

Not partners in bed...

...but partners.

Do you deny that you never intended to produce an heir as demanded by law?

That this marriage was never consummated?

That you had no intention of doing so.

A sham marriage for the sole purpose...

...of snatching the throne from the proper bridegroom:

Me.

- That is not true. - Oh, no?

Lois, I'm gonna beat this guy Nor.

And then the Kryptonians can go back and they can solve their own problems.

And faster than a speeding bullet, you and I are gonna get married.

In a single speech, Kal-El reveals his plans...

...to abandon the people he'd pledged to rule.

To commit adultery and bigamy...

...and murder a fellow noble.

No, you tried to murder him.

Silence, concubine.

I am not a concubine.

From her own lips.

A confession of her subterfuge.

And where is one shred of proof of this wild-eyed murder allegation?

I saw the assassin Tez.

- As did I. - And I did too.

Well, there's an airtight case if ever I heard one.

Don't you see the railroad job going on here?

All Zara and I are guilty of is trying to save our people.

Because I was grateful to a planet that gave me life...

...and to my father, Jor-EI...

...who saved my life.

My father...

...was honest and good.

And so I imagined this great society...

...filled with noble ideals.

And I imagined that saving this society from war...

...was worth turning my back on everything...

...and everyone...

...that I loved.

Oh, it is a noble society, Kal-EI...

...and you are its nightmare.

A duplicitous, lying...

...half-breed bent on seizing the throne...

...diluting the bloodline...

...and ending the culture.

My lords, if you do not banish this man...

...there's no telling what he'll do to you and to Lady Zara.

The ruling couple of New Krypton will most likely be a half-breed...

...and his earthly slut.

- Nor. - Silence!

Silence! There will be order!

There will be order!

Well, Lady Zara.

On the bridal bed at last.

Dare I hope to soon be joining you?

You proved nothing in court.

All you did was prey on their fears and prejudices.

Brilliantly, if I do say so.

Oh, I'm sipping from the wedding cup.

I do take to all this quite naturally.

Oh, by the way...

...I've begged the Council for leniency in your case.

Do you care to show your gratitude in some inventive way?

Get out.

Tossing your husband from the bedchamber...

...is no way to start a marriage.

You'll never be my husband.

Oh, I beg to differ.

With Kal-El gone...

...I'm next pig at the trough.

And I assure you...

...I'll have no trouble consummating the marriage.

Not feeling romantic, dearest?

I swear, this will be the last time you deny me.

You've lived on this idiot planet too long.

And grown far too emotional.

This chamber will come to order.

Come to order.

Having considered all the evidence...

...the tribunal will render its verdict. Kal-EI...

...of the charges of high treason and conspiracy...

...the Tribunal finds you...

...guilty as charged.

And we do hereby direct for you to be banished forever...

...that your body be disintegrated...

...and your molecules scattered over countless distant galaxies.

That is the sentence of this court.

I assume the sentence will be carried out posthaste.

What about Kal-EI's appeal?

Well, admittedly he's well-built, but he's a trifle dull for my taste.

I meant his legal options.

Oh, that. There are none.

Council, you've been used.

Lied to and manipulated to get me out of the way...

...so Nor can threaten the people of this planet with extinction.

The ravings of a condemned man, my lords...

...of which there is not one shred of proof.

Kal-El is your ruler. Certainly his case...

...is entitled to more consideration than this.

Kal-El only rules so long as he's married to you.

- The Tribunal has annulled your marriage. - What?

A mongrel dog, unfit to lead, unworthy of your hand.

An impostor who has been unmasked.

Any last words, mongrel?

I am a man of few words.

Slit their throats.

No!

One day you'll have nothing to hide behind.

Then it'll just be you and me.

And you'll be made to answer for all the lives that you've ruined.

Come along, gentlemen.

- You're invited to a wedding. - No!

Clark.

Clark, don't go. Honey, a lot more lives are at stake than ours.

Clark, get out of here.

I can't do that, Dad.

They'd kill you.

Thus ends the ceremony which binds you together.

Kiss me, my pet.

I'd rather die.

My Lord Nor, I have urgent news.

Metropolis has refused to surrender.

- I knew this would happen. - Shut up!

- Beloved. - Metropolis?

I was conducting delicate negotiations for our people to share the city.

By ordering it to surrender?

I had to have some leverage.

Lord Nor is our leader now, Trey.

He is not to be questioned.

I see.

Any response, sir?

That was "Yes."

My Lord Jen Mai, alert my generals. We will proceed to Metropolis...

...where we will destroy the city.

- He's mad. - Yes, he is.

Careful. As I'm sure I needn't remind you...

...such words are treasonous.

Lord Trey.

There's been an oversight. The court must allow two nobles...

...vying for the throne to settle their differences privately.

Yes, an ancient law almost never used.

In any event, Kal-El didn't request it.

He didn't know of it. I barely knew of it.

As a traitor, he's lost the right, stripped of his title...

The verdict is irreversible.

If he was not informed of the right before the trial, the verdict is illegal.

No.

No.

Reverse the procedure at once! Bring Kal-El back.

- You'll do no such thing. - Kal-El was denied his legal rights.

- Lord Nor will determine his rights. - Nor follows the same laws we all do.

You do this, Trey, and you'll answer to him.

If Nor breaks the law, he answers to me!

Hey, Kal-El is being scattered all over the universe.

Shouldn't somebody do something...

...and you could measure your manhood later?

Clark, honey. I thought we'd lost you.

Easy, Mom, I'm still a little bit shaky.

Look at this.

Can't beat fire? Watch this.

It's mine!

- Where's your master? - Enjoying himself immensely.

And why are you here, and not looking after my interests back at the palace?

The palace is here. Kal-El has exercised the right of challenge.

- Kal-EI? - He lives.

The Tribunal determined he must be given the right to challenge.

The traitorous chief of the Tribunal, master.

And you probably feel it would be prudent to accept.

Well, there is a certain public-relations upside to a duel, yes.

Wherein it is certain you will emerge the victor.

Lord Nor. Kal-El is no longer an outcast.

Further, I can assure him the support of at least a portion of the nobility.

Avoid a massive battle... A battle you well could lose.

- And accept the challenge.

Mind you, this duel belongs to you and Kal-EI.

Your warriors are restricted to their barracks.

Is that clear?

Perfectly.

The street upon which I now stand.

Noon. Tomorrow.

You're doing the right thing, master.

- Kal-El is as good as dead. - Oh, be still, you sickening sycophant.

Although you're not incorrect. I do possess the superior skill.

- There's that. - And I cheat.

That too.

What bothers me, Dr. Klein, is this duel is coming up...

...and Lord Nor seems completely unconcerned.

One reason may be that he has the missing kryptonite.

Oh, boys, excuse me, that's my grandmother's lamp.

Sorry, I meant to move that. By the way we're out of...

...high-fat, high-salt, nutritionally worthless snack items.

I nearly cleaned out the store.

I know, but we're nervous, and since we don't worry about calories...

Trust me, I know all about it.

Oh, boys, not the fish tank. Not the fish tank.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry, Dr. Klein.

Well, don't you agree that Nor could've been able to pull off the robbery...

...without any signs of forced entry?

You're a very quick study. Nor has been training with the Drei since childhood...

...but you've mastered its finer points.

As well as the 980 basic moves.

And you've won three out of four matches.

- That's good, isn't it? - Yes. But I could still beat you.

- Are you sure? - Yes.

Well, if not Nor, who else had access to the vault?

Zara, stir the fudge and turn off the popcorn.

Which is which?

Finally, someone worse in the kitchen than me.

You can beat me, huh?

Go ahead.

Gotta go.

What the heck was that?

There is a mindset crucial to all Dreimasters.

A point in the match where the man becomes the weapon. All else vanishes.

No doubts, no heart, no mercy, just the kill.

You have not shown us that.

And I won't. Because that's not me.

Yes, it is, Clark. It is part of the Kryptonian will that lies within you.

I've never believed in killing.

I've closed my mind to Kryptonian instincts like that.

Then I doubt you will survive the duel.

A change in uniform, Kal-EI?

In whose name are you fighting?

I'm fighting for my people.

Don't you trust me? I assure you we're quite alone.

Did I mention I'm quite good at this?

Milady, all are accounted for.

Nor's men are safely in their barracks.

Dr. Klein, what is it?

Well, of course you can trust me.

Even if it is a rumor, if you have information...

...about who else had access to that kryptonite, you have to tell me now.

What did you say?

The guy just sucker-punched Superman.

This is code name "Ready Money."

It's a go-ahead on deployment of lethal gas in three minutes.

- Lethal gas? - Yes. We're just covering our bets...

...in case Superman can't beat this guy in combat.

Ordinary gas wouldn't be lethal to Kryptonians would it, colonel?

Unless it was laced with kryptonite.

The missing kryptonite's been in your hands the whole time.

I know tactics.

Now, if we take Nor down, his followers will cave.

We just didn't have a way of getting him.

Not until you had Superman for bait.

- Lf you'll excuse me. - Stop the gas.

- No can do. - Superman has saved all our lives...

...even yours, thousands of times, and you repay him with betrayal?

It was a tactical decision.

Now, you have anything else you want to say, little lady?

No.

Superman! They're gonna hit the two of you with kryptonite gas.

You've gotta get out of here.

Only one of us leaves this place.

Your world is mine.

You've gotta get out of here.

You did it.

No doubts, no mercy.

Just the kill.

- Clark, the gas. Come on. - I can't leave him here. He's still alive.

Nor had no intention of facing you alone.

Lois?

Lois?

You okay?

- Both flanks secure, sir. - Halt.

Hold it. Don't go in there.

They didn't make it.

He's not dead. He's not dead. You're not dead.

You're alive.

Here you go.

Thank you, honey.

So Nor and Ran saved my life?

Well, they saved your life by absorbing most of the gas...

...with their bodies after first knocking you senseless.

I keep telling you, there's some good in everyone.

What about Colonel Cash? He's in jail, by the way.

Kal-EI, this will require your signature.

What is it?

Orders for my arrest.

Now, before you say more...

...let me assure you I accept full responsibility for the gravity of my acts.

The ease with which Lord Nor appealed to my...

...arrogance, my fear, my... My mistrust of you...

...was shameful. Shameful.

Further, I accept with humility whatever punishment...

...you and the new Tribunal deem proper.

And who will advise Lady Zara while you're imprisoned?

She'll need the steady hand of a statesman...

...to keep the factions in line. - Well, isn't that what you'll...?

I mean, aren't you...?

Trey, the more that I try to be Kal-EI...

...the more that I know I am Clark.

Zara will do what she's been prepared for since birth:

Rule wisely over New Krypton.

Her place is there. With the man that she loves.

Mine is here on Earth.

With Lois.

Goodbye, Clark. We are grateful beyond words.

I said once you had been on this sloppy planet too long...

...and now I think it's true of me.

For the first time in my life, I have tears.

Seems like years ago we stood at this window and said goodbye to each other.

That was the worst night of my life.

Did any part of meeting up with your roots feel good?

I mean, was it satisfying in any way or was it a disappointment to you?

Maybe all of those.

I kept waiting for this incredible feeling of connection.

You know, like I was exactly where I belonged.

But that's only happened to me once in my life.

When?

The day I met you.

For a spaceman, you are the most romantic person I've ever known.

Earth guys don't stand a chance against you.

I told you I'd keep it safe.

As safe as your love for me.

Marry me, Lois.

Let's not plan, let's not wait.

Let's not let clone makers or psycho psychiatrists...

...or women who shrink people into little people keep us apart.

Just marry me.

You know...

...that's precisely what I was thinking.