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1
00:00:01,458 --> 00:00:02,502
GUILLERMO:
Let's try this.
2
00:00:02,546 --> 00:00:05,070
What does this look like? Huh?
3
00:00:05,114 --> 00:00:07,768
Nandor's deprogramming is
taking longer than we thought.
4
00:00:07,812 --> 00:00:11,642
Bat. Okay, let's try this.
Who am I?
5
00:00:11,685 --> 00:00:14,993
[with accent] "It's me, Nandor.
The world's greatest vampire."
6
00:00:15,037 --> 00:00:16,864
I'm you.
7
00:00:16,908 --> 00:00:18,214
[sighs]
8
00:00:18,257 --> 00:00:21,173
Okay, how about this?
9
00:00:21,217 --> 00:00:22,957
COLIN:
Well, well, well.
10
00:00:23,001 --> 00:00:26,918
Seems like what we have here is
a failure to communicate.
11
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:31,836
The prisoner will be reminded
not to try to bend these bars,
12
00:00:31,879 --> 00:00:35,666
-or he might just end up
getting the prod. [scoffs]
-[electrical crackling]
13
00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:37,450
[Colin laughs]
14
00:00:37,494 --> 00:00:39,844
It's, uh...
it's, uh, getting hot.
15
00:00:39,887 --> 00:00:41,498
[chuckles]
It got hot.
16
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,108
Can I have the--
Thank you, Nandor.
17
00:00:43,152 --> 00:00:44,240
NANDOR:
So, it has come to this?
18
00:00:44,283 --> 00:00:47,025
My own friends imprisoning me
19
00:00:47,069 --> 00:00:49,506
on the word of
my own simpleminded familiar.
20
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,508
-Bodyguard.
-Familiar.
-NADJA: Nandor,
21
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,118
we are just trying to help you.
22
00:00:53,162 --> 00:00:55,642
I mean, look at you.
You are clearly brainwashed.
23
00:00:55,686 --> 00:00:57,427
NANDOR:
I am not brainwashed.
24
00:00:57,470 --> 00:01:00,647
For years I have single-handedly
held this house together.
25
00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:02,084
-[scoffs]
-You mock me.
26
00:01:02,127 --> 00:01:03,998
You disrespect me,
you contradict me.
27
00:01:04,042 --> 00:01:05,609
Uh, no, we don't.
28
00:01:05,652 --> 00:01:07,001
Laszlo.
29
00:01:08,090 --> 00:01:09,917
You are the laziest vampire
I have ever had
30
00:01:09,961 --> 00:01:11,180
the misfortune of meeting.
31
00:01:11,223 --> 00:01:12,659
Thank you.
32
00:01:12,703 --> 00:01:14,487
Born with a silver dick
in your mouth.
33
00:01:14,531 --> 00:01:17,360
-Huh.
-Never even lifted a hand
to help me in this house.
34
00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:19,579
-Nope.
-Because they were both
too occupied
35
00:01:19,623 --> 00:01:21,494
giving constant self-pleasure.
36
00:01:21,538 --> 00:01:24,497
Nadja,
you openly laugh and mock me
37
00:01:24,541 --> 00:01:26,369
for my romantic tribulations.
38
00:01:26,412 --> 00:01:29,111
-[stifled laugh]
-Which are a cause
of great pain for me.
39
00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:32,331
And when it comes to matters
of the Vampiric Council,
40
00:01:32,375 --> 00:01:34,464
when I say to do A,
41
00:01:34,507 --> 00:01:36,466
it is guaranteed
that you will say, "Do B."
42
00:01:36,509 --> 00:01:38,337
Uh, do me next.
This is fun.
43
00:01:38,381 --> 00:01:39,860
I would not even
remember your name
44
00:01:39,904 --> 00:01:41,471
if it was not written
on a piece of paper
45
00:01:41,514 --> 00:01:42,907
that I keep in my pocket
at all times.
46
00:01:42,950 --> 00:01:45,823
-Shit, Nandor. That's low.
-Yeah.
47
00:01:45,866 --> 00:01:48,042
That wasn't as fun
as I thought it might be.
48
00:01:48,086 --> 00:01:49,392
And you!
49
00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:52,699
I finally find a place
where I am happy.
50
00:01:52,743 --> 00:01:56,529
You drag me away from
my new life back into this hell.
51
00:01:56,573 --> 00:01:58,140
I'm sorry, Master.
52
00:01:58,183 --> 00:02:01,534
I am sick and tired
of being sick and tired,
53
00:02:01,578 --> 00:02:04,798
which is why I've decided
there is only one solution.
54
00:02:04,842 --> 00:02:08,106
It is time...
55
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:10,195
for me to take a Super Slumber.
56
00:02:10,239 --> 00:02:13,503
-No, no, no, no. That's-- No.
-[gasping] Oh, it can't be.
57
00:02:13,546 --> 00:02:15,418
-That's a terrible idea.
-What's happening?
58
00:02:15,461 --> 00:02:17,507
What's happening?
59
00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:19,683
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
60
00:02:19,726 --> 00:02:22,207
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long♪
61
00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:24,688
♪ They have no use
for your song♪
62
00:02:24,731 --> 00:02:27,343
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead♪
63
00:02:27,386 --> 00:02:30,259
♪ You're dead
and out of this world♪
64
00:02:31,825 --> 00:02:34,872
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone♪
65
00:02:34,915 --> 00:02:37,614
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world♪
66
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,964
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead♪
67
00:02:40,007 --> 00:02:42,619
♪ You're dead
and out of this world.♪
68
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,360
♪
69
00:02:52,237 --> 00:02:54,457
A Super Slumber is
an act performed
70
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,763
by the most desperate
of vampire.
71
00:02:56,807 --> 00:02:59,201
It is basically
a vampire hibernation.
72
00:02:59,244 --> 00:03:02,378
It is performed when times are
particularly hard for vampires.
73
00:03:02,421 --> 00:03:05,207
A way of sitting out
a bad epoch in history.
74
00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:07,252
The Super Slumber consists
of a vampire
75
00:03:07,296 --> 00:03:10,603
-[snoring]
-sleeping for either
50 years, 100 years,
76
00:03:10,647 --> 00:03:12,170
or worst-case scenario,
77
00:03:12,214 --> 00:03:14,346
up to 300 years.
78
00:03:14,390 --> 00:03:16,261
It is a choice worse than death.
79
00:03:16,305 --> 00:03:18,568
Those who enter
Super Slumber fall
80
00:03:18,611 --> 00:03:21,179
into a dark,
dreamless existence.
81
00:03:21,223 --> 00:03:25,705
When they wake,
they are weak, pathetic, empty,
82
00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:28,491
-starved nothings.
-And every human being
they knew is dead,
83
00:03:28,534 --> 00:03:31,407
and every vampire they knew is
scattered to the four winds
84
00:03:31,450 --> 00:03:33,539
and started a new life
without them.
85
00:03:33,583 --> 00:03:37,674
It really is the most desperate
measure for any vampire.
86
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,503
And it must be respected.
87
00:03:40,546 --> 00:03:42,592
[sobbing softly]
88
00:03:47,988 --> 00:03:50,904
I wish it had not come to this,
but it has.
89
00:03:50,948 --> 00:03:53,603
Perhaps we will
see each other again.
90
00:03:53,646 --> 00:03:55,257
But probably not.
91
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,215
[crying softly]
92
00:03:57,259 --> 00:03:58,869
-Nandor, if I may?
-Yes.
93
00:03:58,912 --> 00:04:00,218
[clearing throat]
94
00:04:00,262 --> 00:04:02,525
[sobbing]
"Nandor the Relentless,
95
00:04:02,568 --> 00:04:04,396
"I have enjoyed
our time together
96
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,921
-at the Vampiric Council
where we have achieved so much."
-Mm.
97
00:04:07,965 --> 00:04:10,794
[normal voice]
Because together we get it done.
98
00:04:10,837 --> 00:04:13,623
[sobbing]
"May this Super Slumber ease
your pain,
99
00:04:13,666 --> 00:04:15,146
"and may you awaken to a world
100
00:04:15,189 --> 00:04:17,366
that is kinder to you
than we have been."
101
00:04:17,409 --> 00:04:18,889
Thank you, Nadja.
102
00:04:18,932 --> 00:04:21,544
-I, too, have written something.
-NANDOR: Yes.
103
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,287
"Nan."
104
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:27,114
-That's it.
-[Nadja scoffs softly]
105
00:04:27,158 --> 00:04:28,899
Sorry, old chap, I thought I'd
written more, but I haven't.
106
00:04:28,942 --> 00:04:32,511
-[Colin crying]
-Thank you for that kind word.
107
00:04:32,555 --> 00:04:34,644
There, there, Colin Robinson.
108
00:04:34,687 --> 00:04:36,820
Let not my departure upset you.
109
00:04:36,863 --> 00:04:39,257
No, it's not that.
It's just...
110
00:04:39,301 --> 00:04:42,956
I can't help but think
that you're doing this
111
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:47,352
to get out of coming to
my 100th birthday party tonight.
112
00:04:47,396 --> 00:04:49,006
[crying]
113
00:04:49,049 --> 00:04:51,922
I did not even know that
it was your birthday today.
114
00:04:51,965 --> 00:04:54,098
And that's another reason
I'm crying!
115
00:04:54,141 --> 00:04:56,274
Okay, well...
116
00:04:56,318 --> 00:04:59,016
kind of thought this moment was
gonna be a bit more about me,
117
00:04:59,059 --> 00:05:01,366
but, uh, anyway, thank you all.
118
00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:04,282
And now,
I bid you all farewell.
119
00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:08,025
-[crying] Oh, farewell.
-Farewell. Farewell.
120
00:05:08,068 --> 00:05:10,419
And... [sniffles]
121
00:05:10,462 --> 00:05:12,159
Don't film us like this.
122
00:05:12,203 --> 00:05:13,465
[normal voice]
Colin, come on.
123
00:05:13,509 --> 00:05:14,727
-[crying resumes]
-Eat shit.
124
00:05:14,771 --> 00:05:17,295
[sighs]
Aye. Thank you.
125
00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:21,908
Let go of my hand!
126
00:05:21,952 --> 00:05:23,693
[groans]
127
00:05:25,129 --> 00:05:26,957
I wish you weren't doing this,
Master.
128
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,176
[sighs]
129
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:31,091
My dear Guillermo.
130
00:05:31,135 --> 00:05:32,876
You will miss me.
131
00:05:32,919 --> 00:05:34,747
Close the lid.
132
00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:37,097
[sighs deeply]
133
00:05:37,141 --> 00:05:39,186
♪
134
00:05:43,495 --> 00:05:45,715
[creaking]
135
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,162
Please, guys.
136
00:05:58,205 --> 00:05:59,816
Does everything have to be
on camera?
137
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,774
Just-- can you please
just give me like a minute?
138
00:06:01,818 --> 00:06:03,950
Just please.
139
00:06:03,994 --> 00:06:06,039
[banging]
140
00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:20,445
[bell tolling]
141
00:06:20,489 --> 00:06:22,926
Well...
142
00:06:22,969 --> 00:06:24,841
what's done is done.
143
00:06:26,973 --> 00:06:28,279
[coughing]
144
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:30,847
[groans]
I come bearing news.
145
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,458
Why can't you use a fucking door
like anyone else?
146
00:06:33,502 --> 00:06:35,721
What's the point of
being able to turn into smoke
147
00:06:35,765 --> 00:06:37,767
if you're just going to
go around using doors?
148
00:06:37,810 --> 00:06:39,812
-What is your news?
-[clearing throat]
149
00:06:39,856 --> 00:06:43,947
"The Supreme Worldwide
Vampiric Council
150
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:46,602
"has invited you to receive
151
00:06:46,645 --> 00:06:48,473
"a delegation
from the Old World...
152
00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:50,867
-[laughs]
-"...here at your home,
153
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,086
"with the intent of inspecting
154
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:56,568
the progress you've made thus
far in running the council."
155
00:06:56,612 --> 00:06:59,397
LASZLO:
This is a huge honor for us,
156
00:06:59,441 --> 00:07:01,834
but like all huge honors,
it's a pain in the nutsack.
157
00:07:01,878 --> 00:07:03,836
-But a huge honor all the same.
-Yes.
158
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,578
I have always dreamed of meeting
someone important.
159
00:07:06,622 --> 00:07:08,667
No one important
ever came to our village.
160
00:07:08,711 --> 00:07:11,278
There was one time
that the rubbish man came
161
00:07:11,322 --> 00:07:14,194
to collect all the shit,
and he assigned, uh,
162
00:07:14,238 --> 00:07:17,546
pieces of rubbish for
the children and autographed it.
163
00:07:17,589 --> 00:07:19,156
We danced for
the next three months,
164
00:07:19,199 --> 00:07:21,114
so you can imagine
this is just...
165
00:07:21,158 --> 00:07:23,639
Wow! Very exciting for me.
166
00:07:23,682 --> 00:07:25,728
And when will this
delegation be arriving?
167
00:07:25,771 --> 00:07:27,904
Let's see, on the night of...
168
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,122
tonight.
169
00:07:29,166 --> 00:07:31,298
-What?
-At the hour of 8:30.
170
00:07:31,342 --> 00:07:32,822
8:30 tonight?
171
00:07:32,865 --> 00:07:34,301
-Mm-hmm.
-NADJA: This is all very,
very soon.
172
00:07:34,345 --> 00:07:35,868
Maybe they could come
tomorrow night,
173
00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:37,566
and then we could
really lay on a really...
174
00:07:37,609 --> 00:07:39,829
The Supreme Worldwide
Vampiric Council
175
00:07:39,872 --> 00:07:42,048
does not shift things around
in their book!
176
00:07:42,092 --> 00:07:44,486
All right, all right.
Keep your hair on.
177
00:07:44,529 --> 00:07:46,531
I've already arranged for some
local vampires to come round
178
00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:48,098
for Colin Robinson's birthday.
179
00:07:48,141 --> 00:07:50,143
The more the merrier.
180
00:07:50,187 --> 00:07:53,712
-Wait. I-I have to share
my birthday party with a...
-NADJA: Yes!
181
00:07:53,756 --> 00:07:55,540
You're lucky to have
a birthday party!
182
00:07:55,584 --> 00:07:59,196
It's true. And now,
you and Nandor should prepare
183
00:07:59,239 --> 00:08:01,894
some remarks about running
the council together.
184
00:08:01,938 --> 00:08:03,243
-They're very intrigued.
-GUILLERMO:
Well, the thing is...
185
00:08:03,287 --> 00:08:04,810
[Nadja stammers]
186
00:08:04,854 --> 00:08:07,944
-8:30 is perfect, thank you.
-GUIDE: Wonderful.
187
00:08:08,945 --> 00:08:10,599
[others coughing]
188
00:08:10,642 --> 00:08:12,078
Geez Louise.
189
00:08:12,122 --> 00:08:14,037
-Ideas?
-I should wake him up?
190
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,299
-We'll just wake him up.
-GUILLERMO: I should
wake him up.
191
00:08:15,342 --> 00:08:16,953
-Wake him up.
-Okay.
192
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,303
♪
193
00:08:20,913 --> 00:08:22,567
Master?
194
00:08:22,611 --> 00:08:24,003
Master, I'm sorry.
195
00:08:24,047 --> 00:08:25,701
Master?
196
00:08:25,744 --> 00:08:27,354
NANDOR:
Who is there,
and what is going on?
197
00:08:27,398 --> 00:08:29,095
Sorry, it's me, Guillermo.
Sorry.
198
00:08:29,139 --> 00:08:30,401
[creaking]
199
00:08:32,055 --> 00:08:34,144
[yawning]
200
00:08:34,187 --> 00:08:35,406
Wow.
201
00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:38,931
800 years really went by
so fast.
202
00:08:38,975 --> 00:08:40,759
-Well, that's because
technically...
-Oh.
203
00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:43,545
Guillermo, you look awful.
204
00:08:43,588 --> 00:08:46,460
-Okay.
-The ravages of time have
not been kind to you
205
00:08:46,504 --> 00:08:48,767
and your formerly boyish face.
206
00:08:48,811 --> 00:08:50,856
Okay, well, it's because it--
not a lot of time has gone...
207
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:53,337
-Tell me.
-You've been asleep
for 30 minutes.
208
00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:55,513
Then why are you waking me up?!
209
00:08:56,558 --> 00:08:58,864
This is not an emergency at all.
210
00:08:58,908 --> 00:09:00,344
But we have told everyone
211
00:09:00,387 --> 00:09:02,346
that we are co-leaders
of the council.
212
00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:04,478
Fine. I hereby
relinquish my control.
213
00:09:04,522 --> 00:09:06,219
You are now sole leader.
214
00:09:06,263 --> 00:09:08,265
Congratulations,
long live the Queen.
215
00:09:08,308 --> 00:09:10,354
-Good night forever.
-But the delegation is going
to think...
216
00:09:10,397 --> 00:09:11,747
-Nandor, come back. Come back.
-[groans] What?
217
00:09:11,790 --> 00:09:13,966
Why don't you just delay
your Super Slumber
218
00:09:14,010 --> 00:09:15,446
a couple of days?
219
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,317
You wouldn't miss
Colin Robinson's birthday.
220
00:09:17,361 --> 00:09:19,189
-Why do you have
such a cock up...
-Why would I give
221
00:09:19,232 --> 00:09:21,495
-a flying fuck about that?
-...for Colin Robinson's
birthday?
222
00:09:21,539 --> 00:09:24,498
Just inform the delegation
that I was a threat to power,
223
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:25,978
so you killed me.
224
00:09:26,022 --> 00:09:28,198
You rule without mercy,
remember?
225
00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:31,636
-They love that shit.
-That would be
a humiliating end for you.
226
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,464
Who cares? Not me.
227
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:35,771
So, good night, forever.
228
00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:38,251
See you in 100 years,
probably not.
229
00:09:41,124 --> 00:09:42,473
Master, I really wish
you weren't doing this.
230
00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:44,214
Again with the "make me
a vampire" shit?
231
00:09:44,257 --> 00:09:46,738
No. No, no, I don't even
care about that anymore.
232
00:09:46,782 --> 00:09:49,001
-I just...
I don't want you to go.
-[groans]
233
00:09:49,045 --> 00:09:51,569
So just stick around
for the next 100 years,
234
00:09:51,613 --> 00:09:53,266
and we'll be together again
when I wake up.
235
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:56,443
I'll be 130 years old, aka dead.
236
00:09:56,487 --> 00:09:57,880
You don't know that.
237
00:09:57,923 --> 00:09:59,403
So maybe you should spend
the next 100 years
238
00:09:59,446 --> 00:10:01,797
practicing to be
less of a pessimist.
239
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,190
-I'm closing the lid now,
thank you.
-No, w...
240
00:10:09,065 --> 00:10:10,283
[loud banging]
241
00:10:13,809 --> 00:10:15,985
-NANDOR: Guillermo!
-Sorry.
242
00:10:16,028 --> 00:10:18,465
Just boarding your door.
243
00:10:19,466 --> 00:10:21,512
[neighing]
244
00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:28,258
Guillermo, what time is it,
and where is Colin Robinson?
245
00:10:28,301 --> 00:10:30,260
-8:28.
-[Nadja groans]
246
00:10:30,303 --> 00:10:31,522
And he's on his way.
247
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,480
Shit, you haven't signed
his card.
248
00:10:33,524 --> 00:10:36,222
[microchip version of
"The Hamster Dance Song" plays]
249
00:10:37,223 --> 00:10:39,225
That's Colin Robinson's
favorite song.
250
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:41,924
-Oh.
-Oh, good.
251
00:10:41,967 --> 00:10:44,056
You guys added "The Hamster
Dance" to the playlist.
252
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,189
-[laughing nervously]
-I-I want to make sure
you gather around me
253
00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:48,887
in a circle
when I do the Humpty Hump.
254
00:10:48,931 --> 00:10:49,932
You betcha.
255
00:10:49,975 --> 00:10:51,629
-[groans]
-[doorbell rings]
256
00:10:51,673 --> 00:10:53,849
Oh, they're here!
Everyone line up. Positions.
257
00:10:53,892 --> 00:10:55,372
[Guide clearing throat]
258
00:10:55,415 --> 00:10:56,634
[Guillermo clearing throat]
259
00:10:56,678 --> 00:10:59,245
The Contessa Carmilla De Mornay.
260
00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:00,943
GUIDE:
This is Contessa
Carmilla De Mornay.
261
00:11:00,986 --> 00:11:02,901
She's 1,000 years old,
possibly did it with a horse.
262
00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:06,165
[snickers] Contessa,
it is such an honor.
263
00:11:06,209 --> 00:11:08,080
The pleasure is mine.
264
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:09,560
Please, if you make
your way upstairs,
265
00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:10,866
your blood banquet awaits you.
266
00:11:10,909 --> 00:11:12,737
-Oh! Thank you.
-[clearing throat]
267
00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:15,044
Dominykas The Dreadful.
268
00:11:15,087 --> 00:11:17,176
GUIDE:
This is Dominykas The Dreadful.
269
00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:18,700
It is said that
he started the fire
270
00:11:18,743 --> 00:11:21,311
that burned down
the great Library of Alexandria.
271
00:11:21,354 --> 00:11:23,835
-Well, me and another guy.
-[laughing]
272
00:11:23,879 --> 00:11:28,840
Dominykas The Dreadful's
human lady friend, Coco.
273
00:11:28,884 --> 00:11:30,059
-NADJA: What?
-LASZLO: What?
274
00:11:30,102 --> 00:11:31,538
Okay, uh, so this is...
275
00:11:31,582 --> 00:11:33,410
My companion.
276
00:11:33,453 --> 00:11:35,412
-Partner.
-Girlfriend.
277
00:11:35,455 --> 00:11:36,805
[chuckles]
She keeps me young.
278
00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:38,807
Yeah, we're engaged
to be engaged.
279
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:40,765
I don't want to put
a label on what we have,
280
00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:43,202
-which really is so special.
-Welcome. If you head upstairs,
281
00:11:43,246 --> 00:11:44,987
the blood banquet does await.
282
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:46,640
GUIDE:
You know he's not going to die.
283
00:11:46,684 --> 00:11:48,642
You're not going to get
his money.
284
00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:50,383
-[overlapping chatter]
-I'm gonna do
the Humpty Hump later.
285
00:11:50,427 --> 00:11:53,386
NADJA:
[gasps] This gentleman needs
no introduction.
286
00:11:53,430 --> 00:11:54,953
He's very well-known to me.
287
00:11:54,997 --> 00:11:58,130
This is Quinn,
the great vampire.
288
00:11:58,174 --> 00:12:00,872
Right-hand man of Deacon Frost
of the House Erebus.
289
00:12:00,916 --> 00:12:02,787
Just a role I played.
Donal Logue.
290
00:12:02,831 --> 00:12:04,267
-So nice to meet you.
-Wait, so Donal Logue is
291
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,530
-on the Worldwide
Vampiric Council?
-Yeah.
292
00:12:06,573 --> 00:12:08,097
I kind of got jumped in
after Blade came out.
293
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:09,838
But you are a vampire, yes?
294
00:12:09,881 --> 00:12:11,883
Yes. Kind of a funny story.
295
00:12:11,927 --> 00:12:14,407
I was not a vampire
when I filmed Blade,
296
00:12:14,451 --> 00:12:15,974
but it was such a fun shoot
297
00:12:16,018 --> 00:12:17,628
and I sort of fell in love
with the lifestyle,
298
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:20,196
so I decided to jump in
and go whole hog.
299
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,545
-[laughter]
-Donal.
300
00:12:21,588 --> 00:12:22,851
[overlapping chatter]
301
00:12:22,894 --> 00:12:24,504
NADJA:
Please, head upstairs, everyone.
302
00:12:24,548 --> 00:12:26,376
-The blood banquet awaits.
-And it's my birthday.
303
00:12:29,814 --> 00:12:31,250
[quiet chatter, laughter]
304
00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:33,600
Do you happen to have
any human food for my consort?
305
00:12:33,644 --> 00:12:35,211
She doesn't like blood,
306
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,517
and she doesn't care much
for grown-up food, either.
307
00:12:37,561 --> 00:12:40,433
Uh, Guillermo,
do we have a-- Oh.
308
00:12:40,477 --> 00:12:42,305
-DOMINYKAS: Okay.
-NADJA: Bon appétit.
Your wish is my command.
309
00:12:42,348 --> 00:12:43,393
[laughing]
310
00:12:43,436 --> 00:12:45,787
There you go and voilà.
311
00:12:45,830 --> 00:12:48,093
-[gasps]
-Chicken nuggies
for the young lady
312
00:12:48,137 --> 00:12:50,139
with a side of spaghetti
with only butter.
313
00:12:50,182 --> 00:12:53,446
-[retches]
-Oh, my gosh. Okay, we need
the name of your chef.
314
00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:54,534
Do you have any ranch?
315
00:12:54,578 --> 00:12:56,623
Ranch for the human consort!
316
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:57,799
COCO:
Oh, my God, she's loud.
317
00:12:57,842 --> 00:12:59,278
More blood, anyone?
318
00:12:59,322 --> 00:13:01,063
-May I?
-Oh, of course.
319
00:13:01,106 --> 00:13:02,804
-That is what
they're there for.
-Oh, thank you.
320
00:13:02,847 --> 00:13:04,849
[grunting]
321
00:13:08,374 --> 00:13:11,377
Exquisite. [chuckles]
322
00:13:11,421 --> 00:13:13,205
You must try him, but just a sip
323
00:13:13,249 --> 00:13:14,337
-and pass him along.
-Oh, yes.
324
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,860
Thank you for sharing, Donal.
325
00:13:16,905 --> 00:13:18,820
I say,
326
00:13:18,863 --> 00:13:21,605
has everyone remembered to sign
Colin Robinson's birthday card?
327
00:13:21,648 --> 00:13:23,085
[Nadja laughs nervously]
328
00:13:23,128 --> 00:13:24,913
You have all met
my wonderful husband, Laszlo.
329
00:13:24,956 --> 00:13:26,349
[quietly]
Fuck off, Laszlo.
330
00:13:27,219 --> 00:13:30,962
So, where is your co-leader?
331
00:13:31,006 --> 00:13:34,183
The famed Nandor The Relentless.
332
00:13:34,226 --> 00:13:37,839
Ah, um, good--
The Nandor, yes, um...
333
00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,754
Nandor was a threat to my power,
334
00:13:40,798 --> 00:13:45,020
so, uh, in order to run
the council correctly,
335
00:13:45,063 --> 00:13:46,848
I, um...
336
00:13:46,891 --> 00:13:48,980
had no choice but to...
[clears throat]
337
00:13:49,024 --> 00:13:50,416
kill him dead.
338
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:52,027
-You what?
-[gasping]
339
00:13:52,070 --> 00:13:53,811
GUIDE:
Excuse me?
340
00:13:53,855 --> 00:13:57,162
-Excellent work, Nadja.
-[laughs nervously]
341
00:13:57,206 --> 00:13:59,556
-How deliciously cutthroat.
-Huh.
342
00:13:59,599 --> 00:14:02,080
You got to do what you
got to do and you did it.
343
00:14:02,124 --> 00:14:03,516
I cannot hate on that.
344
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:04,909
-[whooping]
-Oh!
345
00:14:04,953 --> 00:14:06,955
[laughs]
I killed him.
346
00:14:06,998 --> 00:14:11,089
In order to pay our final
respects to a vanquished foe,
347
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:12,525
could we...
348
00:14:12,569 --> 00:14:15,398
see his body?
349
00:14:15,441 --> 00:14:17,922
-Fix it.
-Okay.
350
00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:20,011
Nothing would make me happier
351
00:14:20,055 --> 00:14:23,362
than seeing the dead body
of your vanquished foe.
352
00:14:23,406 --> 00:14:25,364
♪
353
00:14:29,978 --> 00:14:31,631
Master? Master? Master?
354
00:14:31,675 --> 00:14:33,329
-[creaking]
-Master?
355
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,765
You are kidding, right?
356
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:36,027
I have been in Super Slumber
for, what,
357
00:14:36,071 --> 00:14:37,550
20 minutes? Half an hour?
358
00:14:37,594 --> 00:14:39,248
-It's actually been two hours.
-Oh, great.
359
00:14:39,291 --> 00:14:41,685
A nice two-hour-long
Super Slumber.
360
00:14:41,728 --> 00:14:43,817
I've had orgasms that
have lasted longer than that.
361
00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:45,210
-Really?
-Yes!
362
00:14:45,254 --> 00:14:46,864
And it's not as pleasant
as it might sound.
363
00:14:46,908 --> 00:14:48,474
Well, as you know, the
delegation is here, and...
364
00:14:48,518 --> 00:14:50,259
-Get to the good bit.
-Well, you need to pretend
365
00:14:50,302 --> 00:14:51,738
to be dead so the delegation
can come see your dead body
366
00:14:51,782 --> 00:14:53,044
and make sure that
you're actually dead.
367
00:14:53,088 --> 00:14:54,393
Why did you not
just bring them in
368
00:14:54,437 --> 00:14:56,047
and show me in Super Slumber?
369
00:14:56,091 --> 00:14:58,223
A state that
so closely resembles death
370
00:14:58,267 --> 00:14:59,746
no one would ever know
the difference.
371
00:14:59,790 --> 00:15:01,139
Well, what if you
accidentally woke up
372
00:15:01,183 --> 00:15:02,358
in the middle of
them looking at your body?
373
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:03,707
That's a good point,
374
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,100
but I think the point
I'd like to make
375
00:15:05,143 --> 00:15:06,666
in countering that point is:
376
00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:08,103
no one accidentally wakes up
377
00:15:08,146 --> 00:15:09,843
-from a Super Slumber!
-Oh.
378
00:15:09,887 --> 00:15:11,933
Not unless you come in here
and wake them up.
379
00:15:11,976 --> 00:15:14,283
-Okay, well now that's--
that makes-- that's clear.
-Is it, though?
380
00:15:14,326 --> 00:15:16,676
Because it really seems
like it's not quite sinking in.
381
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,896
So... can I...
382
00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:21,159
Yes, fine,
just bring these dummies in
383
00:15:21,203 --> 00:15:22,987
and show them my dead body
so we can get this over with,
384
00:15:23,031 --> 00:15:25,033
and I can finally commence
my long overdue
385
00:15:25,076 --> 00:15:27,557
-and this time completely
uninterrupted-- Hey!
-NADJA: Guillermo?
386
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,385
CARMILLA:
Yes, a dead body.
387
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:32,127
NADJA:
Guillermo? Is the body
ready for viewing yet?
388
00:15:32,170 --> 00:15:34,738
-Yes, Mistress. It is.
-[clearing throat] Okay.
389
00:15:34,781 --> 00:15:37,088
Everybody, come around. Please.
390
00:15:37,132 --> 00:15:38,872
We're going to take
a very quick look
391
00:15:38,916 --> 00:15:40,265
'cause it is going to be
very sad.
392
00:15:40,309 --> 00:15:41,919
-GUILLERMO: Very quick.
-NADJA: Okay.
393
00:15:41,963 --> 00:15:44,052
-DOMINYKAS: Front row seat.
-Reveal the corpse.
394
00:15:44,095 --> 00:15:45,836
All right.
395
00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:48,404
-And there it is
and that's enough.
-And then we...
396
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:52,147
It's just a very great loss
for vampiredom.
397
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:54,279
-Mm-hmm.
-Very sad.
398
00:15:54,323 --> 00:15:56,325
He truly was one of the greats.
399
00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:58,544
Was he, though? Eh.
400
00:15:58,588 --> 00:16:02,548
As a warrior, yes, he was.
401
00:16:02,592 --> 00:16:06,465
As a vampire, he was... okay.
402
00:16:06,509 --> 00:16:08,641
Pretty good.
403
00:16:08,685 --> 00:16:10,339
The jury is still out
on his legacy, I suppose.
404
00:16:10,382 --> 00:16:11,818
I don't disagree.
405
00:16:11,862 --> 00:16:15,083
Nandor The Relentless,
we hardly knew ye.
406
00:16:15,126 --> 00:16:17,172
May he sleep well.
407
00:16:17,215 --> 00:16:18,347
-Yes.
-You know,
408
00:16:18,390 --> 00:16:20,566
we grow so weary
of eternal life,
409
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:22,351
and yet when we come
face-to-face with eternal death,
410
00:16:22,394 --> 00:16:24,614
it really makes you think about
big things, doesn't it?
411
00:16:24,657 --> 00:16:26,529
CARMILLA:
Yes, it does.
412
00:16:26,572 --> 00:16:28,748
Speaking of big things,
413
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:31,273
I have heard that
in addition to being
414
00:16:31,316 --> 00:16:34,232
a ferocious
and merciless warrior,
415
00:16:34,276 --> 00:16:36,321
that Nandor
The Relentless had...
416
00:16:36,365 --> 00:16:37,888
Yes!
417
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:39,194
I have heard this as well.
418
00:16:39,237 --> 00:16:40,543
DONAL:
Heard what?
419
00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:43,198
Oh, how to put this
respectfully?
420
00:16:43,241 --> 00:16:47,376
Uh, it is said that he had one
of the most impressive members
421
00:16:47,419 --> 00:16:49,073
-in all of vampiredom.
-[Nadja scoffs]
422
00:16:49,117 --> 00:16:52,816
Both in length and in girth.
423
00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:54,209
-Well, that's true.
-GUIDE: Is it?
424
00:16:54,252 --> 00:16:56,080
Um, I've heard--
I've also heard it said.
425
00:16:56,124 --> 00:16:58,430
-[clearing throat]
-Shall we take a peek?
426
00:16:58,474 --> 00:16:59,866
Just for funsies?
427
00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:01,520
-Oh.
-No.
-Just for funsies.
428
00:17:01,564 --> 00:17:03,870
Oh, I-I think that would be
very disrespectful.
429
00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:06,438
Dude is fucking dead.
It's not like he's gonna care.
430
00:17:06,482 --> 00:17:08,005
I, too, want to see
this massive dong
431
00:17:08,049 --> 00:17:10,355
with my own peepers.
432
00:17:10,399 --> 00:17:12,705
Something to tell the grandkids
about when I get home.
433
00:17:12,749 --> 00:17:15,969
Familiar, reveal his member.
434
00:17:16,013 --> 00:17:17,580
With all due respect, Contessa,
435
00:17:17,623 --> 00:17:18,885
-I'm not a familiar.
-[growling]
436
00:17:18,929 --> 00:17:20,931
Reveal his member.
437
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,454
[hissing]
438
00:17:22,498 --> 00:17:23,934
Of course.
439
00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:25,718
Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
440
00:17:25,762 --> 00:17:27,372
As you wish, Contessa.
441
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:28,460
Here you go.
442
00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:31,246
-Step aside.
-[gasps]
443
00:17:31,289 --> 00:17:32,812
Hmm.
444
00:17:34,771 --> 00:17:37,295
-DONAL: Hmm.
-DOMINYKAS: Well, there it is.
445
00:17:38,949 --> 00:17:40,472
Hmm.
446
00:17:40,516 --> 00:17:42,561
[exhales sharply]
447
00:17:43,519 --> 00:17:45,912
Huh. What do we think?
448
00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:48,567
It seems pretty average to me.
449
00:17:48,611 --> 00:17:52,049
Not substandard but...
450
00:17:52,093 --> 00:17:54,225
nothing special, really.
451
00:17:54,269 --> 00:17:55,879
-Mm.
-GUILLERMO: I-I also heard
452
00:17:55,922 --> 00:17:57,576
that he was more of a grower
than a shower, so...
453
00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,100
I don't think so.
454
00:17:59,143 --> 00:18:01,145
Okay, well,
we-we've done that now, so...
455
00:18:01,189 --> 00:18:03,147
Look, I am not saying
it's small.
456
00:18:03,191 --> 00:18:05,410
No. No, it's not small.
457
00:18:05,454 --> 00:18:09,022
-No.
-Maybe it was
the density of the member
458
00:18:09,066 --> 00:18:11,329
that earned such acclaim.
459
00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:13,331
Oh, no.
460
00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:14,811
[clearing throat]
461
00:18:15,899 --> 00:18:17,857
Hmm.
462
00:18:19,729 --> 00:18:21,687
Anything of note?
463
00:18:21,731 --> 00:18:24,125
No, it seems to be
of average weight,
464
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:27,128
and, uh-- what's
the word I'm looking for?
465
00:18:27,171 --> 00:18:28,172
Pliability?
466
00:18:28,216 --> 00:18:29,869
I guess so. It's not...
467
00:18:29,913 --> 00:18:31,523
Oh! "Wiggliness."
468
00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:35,484
Yeah, just seems like a standard
mid-tier pecker to me.
469
00:18:35,527 --> 00:18:39,052
-Hmm.
-Anyway, back to
the blood banquet.
470
00:18:39,096 --> 00:18:41,229
-Is it this way?
-Yes! Everybody this way,
very quickly, come.
471
00:18:41,272 --> 00:18:42,491
[chuckles]
We don't want to...
472
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:44,101
-CARMILLA: Thank you.
-[sighs]
473
00:18:44,145 --> 00:18:45,668
-Lovely to see.
-DOMINYKAS: Well, that was...
474
00:18:45,711 --> 00:18:47,670
much ado about nothing.
Is there a sanitizer?
475
00:18:47,713 --> 00:18:48,932
DONAL:
Nandor could've benefited
476
00:18:48,975 --> 00:18:50,629
from just a touch
of rigor mortis.
477
00:18:50,673 --> 00:18:52,588
Thank you for that, Guillermo.
478
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,633
A wonderful send-off.
479
00:18:54,677 --> 00:18:56,461
Now close the fucking lid
and get out of here.
480
00:18:56,505 --> 00:18:57,549
Yes, Master.
481
00:19:01,597 --> 00:19:03,686
So, now let us raise
a glass of blood
482
00:19:03,729 --> 00:19:06,210
to our guests and to ourselves.
483
00:19:06,254 --> 00:19:08,560
Vampires now
and vampires forever.
484
00:19:08,604 --> 00:19:10,475
-[laughing]
-Vampires forever!
485
00:19:10,519 --> 00:19:12,085
Like we have a choice.
486
00:19:12,129 --> 00:19:14,087
Well said, my darling,
well said.
487
00:19:14,131 --> 00:19:15,741
You are a tough act to follow.
488
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:18,918
But indeed I must,
for today is an auspicious day
489
00:19:18,962 --> 00:19:21,486
for a couple of reasons,
one of which...
490
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:23,880
we are joined
by such esteemed vampires.
491
00:19:23,923 --> 00:19:26,230
The other happens to be
the 100th birthday
492
00:19:26,274 --> 00:19:28,754
of our housemate, our friend,
493
00:19:28,798 --> 00:19:31,540
and the energy vampire,
Colin Robinson.
494
00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:33,194
NADJA:
Okay, why not?
495
00:19:33,237 --> 00:19:35,718
Yes, uh, let us raise a toast
to Colin Robinson.
496
00:19:35,761 --> 00:19:37,328
[chuckles forcefully]
Cheers.
497
00:19:37,372 --> 00:19:39,069
-[chuckles] So, if every...
-LASZLO: I remember
498
00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:41,071
the first time
I met Colin Robinson,
499
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:44,857
I thought to myself, "How can
one man be so fucking dull?"
500
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,685
[Laszlo chuckles]
501
00:19:46,729 --> 00:19:48,383
It's true to say,
502
00:19:48,426 --> 00:19:50,515
he's left his mark
on Staten Island.
503
00:19:50,559 --> 00:19:52,125
It's also true to say,
504
00:19:52,169 --> 00:19:56,086
he's left his mark on my heart.
505
00:19:57,348 --> 00:20:00,743
This is a wretched world
that we find ourselves in--
506
00:20:00,786 --> 00:20:03,049
full of cruel,
disgusting people.
507
00:20:03,093 --> 00:20:06,009
His main crime was
that he's dull.
508
00:20:06,052 --> 00:20:07,967
I don't even particularly
like the fellow.
509
00:20:08,011 --> 00:20:09,534
I mean, I can't stand the man,
510
00:20:09,578 --> 00:20:13,756
but I'm proud to call him
my friend.
511
00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:17,890
Please be upstanding
for Colin Robinson.
512
00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:20,545
-Bravo!
-And again, Colin Robinson.
513
00:20:20,589 --> 00:20:22,243
So, if you would like to
make your way to the library,
514
00:20:22,286 --> 00:20:24,070
we have laid on
a live fuck show.
515
00:20:24,114 --> 00:20:25,768
-[laughs] Yes, that's right.
-CARMILLA: Ooh!
516
00:20:25,811 --> 00:20:27,683
You can take your clothes off
on the way out.
517
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,206
-GUIDE: Right this way.
-NADJA: Yes. [chuckles]
518
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:31,121
DONAL:
Live fuck show?
519
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:32,731
What the fuck was that?
520
00:20:32,775 --> 00:20:34,777
No one even knows
who Colin Robinson is,
521
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,953
let alone gives a bloody
piss about his birthday.
522
00:20:36,996 --> 00:20:39,608
-Why are you so obsessed
with him at the moment?
-My darling.
523
00:20:39,651 --> 00:20:42,306
-Colin Robinson is dying.
-What?!
524
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:43,655
GUILLERMO:
What?
525
00:20:44,874 --> 00:20:47,311
Colin Robinson will be dead
by sunrise.
526
00:20:47,355 --> 00:20:49,008
[Nadja gasps]
527
00:20:49,052 --> 00:20:50,271
LASZLO:
There's nothing
we can do about it.
528
00:20:50,314 --> 00:20:51,881
I've known for months.
529
00:20:52,882 --> 00:20:54,753
The very first time
Colin and I were
530
00:20:54,797 --> 00:20:56,755
in the Vampiric Council Library,
531
00:20:56,799 --> 00:20:58,627
he began searching
for information
532
00:20:58,670 --> 00:21:00,324
about energy vampires
533
00:21:00,368 --> 00:21:03,196
and how they're made
and where he came from.
534
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,112
I knew there was a page or two
on energy vampires
535
00:21:06,156 --> 00:21:09,899
in Edmund Wheelwright's
Compendium Vampirium.
536
00:21:09,942 --> 00:21:11,553
But what I found shocked me.
537
00:21:11,596 --> 00:21:13,685
"Energy vampires," it said,
538
00:21:13,729 --> 00:21:18,342
"have a life expectancy
of exactly 100 years."
539
00:21:18,386 --> 00:21:20,301
Why are you ripping that page
out of that book?
540
00:21:20,344 --> 00:21:22,999
I'll wank my way
and you wank yours.
541
00:21:23,042 --> 00:21:25,393
On their 100th birthday
542
00:21:25,436 --> 00:21:26,829
they expire.
543
00:21:28,265 --> 00:21:30,049
So, does Colin know?
544
00:21:30,093 --> 00:21:31,486
He doesn't.
545
00:21:31,529 --> 00:21:32,922
I haven't had the heart
to tell him.
546
00:21:32,965 --> 00:21:35,403
And eventually, I realized,
547
00:21:35,446 --> 00:21:38,884
better for the poor bastard
to not know at all.
548
00:21:38,928 --> 00:21:41,800
Better for me
to show him a good time
549
00:21:41,844 --> 00:21:43,976
during his last months of life.
550
00:21:45,543 --> 00:21:46,849
[laughing]
551
00:21:46,892 --> 00:21:48,024
COLIN:
Just the dudes.
552
00:21:48,067 --> 00:21:50,026
[grunts]
553
00:21:50,722 --> 00:21:51,984
[screaming]
554
00:21:52,028 --> 00:21:54,204
♪
555
00:21:56,511 --> 00:21:58,774
And I feel I succeeded,
556
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:00,297
but I also feel this could be
557
00:22:00,341 --> 00:22:01,342
-the beginning of...
-Uh...
558
00:22:01,385 --> 00:22:03,039
Hey, guys.
559
00:22:03,082 --> 00:22:06,042
I think I'm gonna pass on the...
the fuck-and-suck show.
560
00:22:06,085 --> 00:22:07,826
I'm feeling
a little funny tummy.
561
00:22:07,870 --> 00:22:11,526
I'm gonna 23 skidoo
and lie down, take a nap.
562
00:22:11,569 --> 00:22:13,571
Party on, dudes.
563
00:22:14,572 --> 00:22:16,400
The dying has begun.
564
00:22:20,404 --> 00:22:21,753
-[flatulence]
-LASZLO: Ooh.
565
00:22:21,797 --> 00:22:23,755
NADJA:
Hello, Colin Robinson.
566
00:22:23,799 --> 00:22:25,148
-[chuckles softly]
-[flatulence]
567
00:22:25,191 --> 00:22:26,932
-GUILLERMO: Hey, buddy.
-Hey, dudes.
568
00:22:26,976 --> 00:22:30,849
Sorry I... I'm ruining
my own birthday party.
569
00:22:30,893 --> 00:22:33,199
You know what, though?
I feel like I'm rallying.
570
00:22:33,243 --> 00:22:34,853
Maybe we can have
some birthday fun after all.
571
00:22:34,897 --> 00:22:37,203
Oh, no, no,
don't exert yourself,
572
00:22:37,247 --> 00:22:39,075
-dear friend.
-[Colin coughs]
573
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:41,338
-No.
-[flatulence]
574
00:22:41,382 --> 00:22:42,600
-Oh, okay.
-GUILLERMO: Oh.
575
00:22:42,644 --> 00:22:44,689
[singsongy]
That awkward moment.
576
00:22:44,733 --> 00:22:46,996
No, it happens to the best
of us, doesn't it, boys?
577
00:22:47,039 --> 00:22:49,433
You know? Is there anything
we can get you?
578
00:22:49,477 --> 00:22:52,828
Can someone please
fetch me a, uh,
579
00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:54,917
diet ginger ale
for my funny tummy?
580
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,614
He'll do that,
and in the meantime,
581
00:22:56,658 --> 00:22:58,660
I think you should just recall
582
00:22:58,703 --> 00:23:02,185
the last 100 years' worth
of fun and friendship.
583
00:23:02,228 --> 00:23:03,839
Yeah, actually
I kind of feel like
584
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:07,016
the first 100 years
of my life were wasted, so...
585
00:23:07,059 --> 00:23:08,713
-[flatulence]
-Starting tomorrow,
586
00:23:08,757 --> 00:23:13,849
Colin Robinson's motto is
"young, dumb and full of cum."
587
00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,199
Well, that sounds marvelous,
and, um,
588
00:23:16,242 --> 00:23:18,288
if anyone else has
anything to say,
589
00:23:18,331 --> 00:23:20,638
I would say
now is the time to say it.
590
00:23:20,682 --> 00:23:22,466
GUILLERMO:
Okay, Colin Robinson,
591
00:23:22,510 --> 00:23:23,989
I know that sometimes you...
592
00:23:24,033 --> 00:23:26,165
Did you fetch him the ginger ale
for his tummy?
593
00:23:26,209 --> 00:23:28,516
-Can I speak?
-Well, his stomach's not gonna
repair itself, is it?
594
00:23:28,559 --> 00:23:31,475
-Can I just speak please?
-Speak.
595
00:23:31,519 --> 00:23:33,651
Colin Robinson...
596
00:23:33,695 --> 00:23:36,611
-I know that we're not related,
you and I or anyone.
-[flatulence]
597
00:23:36,654 --> 00:23:39,265
-[sniffs]
-He farted, not me.
598
00:23:39,309 --> 00:23:40,876
-Carry on.
-[exhales sharply]
599
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:42,399
-[groans]
-And I was gonna say that
600
00:23:42,443 --> 00:23:43,748
we don't treat each other,
sometimes,
601
00:23:43,792 --> 00:23:45,837
with the upmost respect
or kindness,
602
00:23:45,881 --> 00:23:49,493
but in a weird way
we're still a family.
603
00:23:49,537 --> 00:23:51,147
We're like a big family here.
604
00:23:51,190 --> 00:23:52,714
[flatulence continues]
605
00:23:52,757 --> 00:23:53,802
I'll be right back.
606
00:23:53,845 --> 00:23:55,499
Diet ginger ale.
607
00:23:55,543 --> 00:23:56,544
LASZLO:
For his tummy.
608
00:23:56,587 --> 00:23:58,676
♪
609
00:23:58,720 --> 00:23:59,982
[grunting]
610
00:24:04,682 --> 00:24:06,510
NANDOR:
Hello, Guillermo.
611
00:24:06,554 --> 00:24:09,208
Did you bring more people
to yank on my pee-pee?
612
00:24:09,252 --> 00:24:10,296
No, Master.
613
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:12,429
[creaking]
614
00:24:12,473 --> 00:24:14,039
Colin Robinson is dying,
615
00:24:14,083 --> 00:24:16,477
and I figured we should all be
together for that.
616
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:19,915
[groans]
617
00:24:20,916 --> 00:24:22,657
[cries softly]
618
00:24:22,700 --> 00:24:24,397
Oh.
619
00:24:25,398 --> 00:24:28,140
You're too late.
He's gone.
620
00:24:28,184 --> 00:24:30,665
-He's dead?
-NADJA: Yes.
621
00:24:30,708 --> 00:24:34,407
He let out one last quiet fart,
622
00:24:34,451 --> 00:24:37,149
a gentle one,
and then he expired.
623
00:24:37,193 --> 00:24:38,716
[whimpers]
624
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,979
You guys are really incredible,
you know that?
625
00:24:41,023 --> 00:24:42,938
This fucking guy is not dead.
626
00:24:42,981 --> 00:24:44,548
Nandor, he's dead.
627
00:24:44,592 --> 00:24:46,332
Do you not remember
the last time he was dead?
628
00:24:46,376 --> 00:24:49,161
When we dug his grave
and we buried him in the ground,
629
00:24:49,205 --> 00:24:50,511
and it turned out he was
faking it the whole time
630
00:24:50,554 --> 00:24:52,121
just to get attention.
631
00:24:52,164 --> 00:24:53,644
And that was like
the fifth time we'd fallen
632
00:24:53,688 --> 00:24:55,690
for his,
"Oh, I'm dead" thing.
633
00:24:55,733 --> 00:24:57,692
-Yes, well, this time
it is real, Nandor.
-Enough!
634
00:24:57,735 --> 00:24:59,084
Wake up, Colin Robinson.
635
00:24:59,128 --> 00:25:02,174
Hey! Wakey, wakey!
636
00:25:02,218 --> 00:25:03,828
Don't make me tickle you now.
637
00:25:03,872 --> 00:25:05,438
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
638
00:25:05,482 --> 00:25:06,962
Enough of this shit.
639
00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,485
Hey!
640
00:25:08,529 --> 00:25:09,747
-[Nadja gasps]
-Oh!
641
00:25:11,662 --> 00:25:12,881
Uh-oh.
642
00:25:12,924 --> 00:25:14,360
Guess he wasn't faking it.
643
00:25:14,404 --> 00:25:18,147
Well, this is very sad.
644
00:25:19,931 --> 00:25:22,586
[Material's "Word of Advice"
plays]
645
00:25:25,328 --> 00:25:30,115
♪ If after having been exposed
to someone's presence♪
646
00:25:30,159 --> 00:25:33,728
♪ You feel as if you've lost
a quart of plasma♪
647
00:25:33,771 --> 00:25:36,208
♪ Avoid that presence♪
648
00:25:36,252 --> 00:25:40,473
♪ You need it like
you need pernicious anemia♪
649
00:25:40,517 --> 00:25:44,652
♪ Don't like to hear
the word vampire around here♪
650
00:25:44,695 --> 00:25:48,960
♪ Trying to improve
our public image.♪
651
00:25:49,004 --> 00:25:52,007
♪
47940
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