Original subtitles

Oh, God, my allergies are so bad today.

Listen to how stuffed up I sound.

How can you tell?

( laughter )

( sneezes )

Oh, no. Where's all the tissues. I thought this was a full box.

Good morning!

( laughter )

Fran, where are the double stuffed Oreos?

Shut up right now.

( laughter )

Here, sweetheart.

Now listen, we're going to have be very sensitive where your sister is concerned.

She's eager to develop.

Yeah, you're right. Couple of years

we're just going to have to go through the same thing with Maggie.

Oh, I don't know how I'm going to get through this day.

My only remaining single friend called to tell me he's getting married.

Oh, Niles, you poor thing.

You're probably feeling so vulnerable and insecure.

Like a big loser.

( laughter )

Welcome to my world, baby.

It's just that I'm lonely, Miss Fine.

You don't know what it is to be the only one of your friends who's not married.

Hello?

And over 40.

Not a clue.

Oh, Niles, how I wish that the woman of your dreams

would just come walking right through that door.

Ugh.

I have been tasting garlic pesto for two days now.

Would she ever leave Morty... what am I saying?

Darling, I just won a contest

and I'm on my way over right now to pick up my prize.

- Oh! - 19 inches of heaven.

( laughter )

I'm so hoping it's a TV.

A brand new Sony Trinitron. And all I had to do,

was fill out this little questionnaire on retirement.

Oh.

Sylvia, have you eaten breakfast already?

What do you think?

Then you'll just want a little nosh.

Oh, I love you.

And I love that perfume... Good God, man, get a grip.

( laughter )

Come on, Franny we gotta pick up the TV before 3 o'clock.

Ma, this is a scam, they're only trying to lure you down there

so they can talk you into buying a retirement condo in...

Boca?

Let me get my bag.

( laughter )

[opening credits]

♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make up but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair, she was there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are actually smiling such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing, the Nanny named Fran. ♪

An average day at Sunlake Village

consists of waking up, God willing,

( laughter )

to breathtaking beaches, lush foliage, and unspoiled vistas.

Ooh... Tony Romas.

Just six minutes from a Loehmann's,

a 24-hour Cadillac dealership

and the best prostate man in South Florida.

( laughter )

You see that guy in the front row?

- Yeah. - I bet he's got great hands.

( laughter )

What? One of us has to be able to open the pickle jar.

( laughter )

So, ma, what do you think? This place looks fabulous.

Oh, I couldn't make a decision like this without discussing it with your father.

And now, for those of you who are ready to make a deposit, please,

you'll join us for complimentary coffee and cake.

You know, I'm my own person. Do the appliances come in avocado?

( laughter )

Mr. Sheffield, I know that it's really,

really late, but I couldn't sleep and I was just hoping that you might...

(aloud) be up!

( Scared ) Oh! What? What happened?

Were you having a nightmare?

Oh, I think so.

I was dreaming I was sleeping in my bed

and then this incredibly sexy woman came in and bloody woke me up!

( laughter )

You think I look incredibly sexy?

Miss Fine, what are you doing in my bedroom?

Mr. Sheffield, I've got insomnia and I couldn't sleep

and I thought, you know if you couldn't sleep

and you came into my room, I'd be there for you.

Hmm, alright, so why do you think you can't sleep? What are you feeling?

Well, I'm feeling frustrated and I don't know why.

( laughter )

Well,

when do you think this started?

Four years ago.

( laughter )

The insomnia kicked in tonight.

Well, did something happen today that's upsetting you or worrying you?

No, no, it was a perfectly normal day. Manicure, pedicure, facial, for Gracey.

She had a big playdate today.

Then I took ma to buy a condo in Florida, then Bloomeys, then home.

Miss Fine, your mother's moving to Florida?

Uh-huh, she put down a deposit on a condo for her and Daddy today.

They're finally moving to Boca,

1,372 miles away, roughly.

Miss Fine, did it occur to you that your mother

moving to Florida might be what's troubling you?

So not.

No, seriously, I think it might be worrying you more than you think.

I think this is the thing you should talk to Dr. Miller about.

In therapy?

Well, of course in therapy, what do you think those sessions are for?

You're not going to tell me you just sit there week after week talking about me?

Yeah, right.

( laughter )

Oh, hello, Dr. Miller, I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time.

Oh, not at all.

( Toilet flush )

( laughter )

No, I'm always up at 5:30 in the morning.

How did you get my home number?

Well, let's just say there are 30 Dr. Millers in the tri-state area

that are a little P-O'd at me.

He he.

Alright, Fran, what's the emergency?

Dr. Miller, last night my dream came true.

You know, I couldn't sleep, so I went into Mr. Sheffield's room

- and while we were in bed, - Yes!

Don't get excited,

( laughter )

Just on a night when I should have been jumping for joy, I wound up miserable.

Not unusual.

When two people fantasize for a long time about something

and it happens, it's not uncommon for them to feel let down.

The question is, what about your feelings?

Were you completely satisfied?

Well, I think so. I mean, you know it's what I've always dreamed of.

You know how long I've wanted this.

Well, did you feel the earth move?

Doc, they're moving to Boca, not Antarctica.

( laughter )

Excuse me?

My parents are moving to Boca. Why aren't I happy?

Fran, it is a long and sometimes painful process separating from one's mother,

but you have to understand you must do that,

in order to become a mature healthy adult.

( Knocking at the door )

Mother, I am in session.

( laughter )

I don't even know why I still keep going to that Dr. Miller.

I mean, listen to what that man says to me.

For a woman my age, I have an abnormal connection to my mommy.

What's that?

It's wrong, Fran.

I mean if you were still living at home

and sleeping on the pull-out couch, then already you'd be you...

You.

( laughter )

You know, the man is wacko.

Do you know how many people would kill

to have a relationship like I have with my mother?

I mean, let's face it, she's not getting any younger.

You don't know how many years you have together.

You got to appreciate every precious moment.

( Crying ) I don't want my mommy to move away!

( laughter )

Oh, good, my anti-depressants.

Mm, they're mine.

( laughter )

Please, would you stop?

Just 'cause your friend's getting married and you're not.

You know, you don't exactly make tons of money.

You should be happy you don't have a wife to support.

And, on that note...

Oh, poor Niles. Always a best man, never a man.

( laughter )

Hey, what do you think will be the hardest part?

Watching your friend kiss the bride, or starting every sentence with,

"No, I don't have a date."

Well, I was thinking of asking a tall, voluptuous blonde.

But she's moving to Boca.

( laughter )

Oh, you are pathetic.

Alright, if you're that desperate I will go with you.

That doesn't sound like you.

Someone leave that on your answering machine?

Well, now you can just forget it.

I wouldn't go if you begged me.

- I'll pick you up at 8:00. - 7:00, we'll have drinks.

( Doorbell rings )

Oh, Val.

What am I going to do without my mother being here?

I'm going to miss her hugs and kisses.

Why is she the one that always gives me that warm fuzzy feeling?

'Cause she don't wax her chin.

( laughter )

You are not putting brown pebble linoleum

in my grey and mauve new nouveau riche condo.

( laughter )

Your condo?

Whose 350 dollar a month social security is paying the mortgage?

Could you puke from this?

Oh, and this is hip.

( laughter )

Well, at least mine is more appetizing.

Yeah, you need more appetite.

( laughter )

Well, excuse me, Ma,

but Dr. Ortenberg says that I have a sluggish metabolism.

And I have to eat or I will die.

( laughter )

And if that happens, I will put in my will

that you are not putting

( yelling ) this brown pebble fakakta in my condo.

( laughter )

Oh, Val.

Val, I can't, can't tell her not to move.

Look how happy she is.

( laughter )

Miss Fine? I've got a wonderful surprise for you.

The entire family's going to Florida for the weekend.

Florida sucks.

( laughter )

Miss Fine, do you really think that sundae can replace your mother's love?

No.

Now it can.

( laughter )

Miss Fine, you've got to come to grips with your mother moving.

Well, I'm trying to, but every time I turn around something else reminds me of her.

( laughter )

Now, do I start yelling or will those things disappear on their own?

( laughter )

She's just taking them out for a spin.

Would you think of them as training wheels?

( laughter )

Come here, sweetie.

( Crying )

Miss Fine, come with us.

It'll be fun. Look we're traveling first class.

Think shrimp, free slippers.

We'll be staying at the Fountain Blue

and your palatial suite has its own Jacuzzi.

And a terrace?

( laughter )

Oh, I don't care. I'm not going.

Oh, Miss Fine, I understand.

But we'll be back Monday morning

after I finish judging the Miss Universe contest.

Maybe it would be better for me to be around people.

( laughter )

( music )

Hi.

Pretty girl, isn't she, Miss Fine?

You know, her platform is the environment.

You can tell she's had her whole body reconstructed

from her country's natural resources.

( laughter )

Little jealous, are we, Miss Fine?

Please, I've had a glimpse of a few of their mothers.

I know where they're headed.

( laughter )

Speaking of mothers, you're handling your future separation well.

I'm very proud of you.

Oh, well, you know, this has been a great diversion for me.

I mean, the plane, the shrimp, watching Booty Call...

Hehe.

Thank you for taking me on this trip.

I really haven't even thought about Ma.

I'm always there for you, Miss Fine.

I know you are, and you're such a...

Oops, they need me to take a picture with Miss USA.

( laughter )

Hi. Hello.

I am Alicia Machado.

Hi, from "Who's The Boss?"

No, that is Alyssa Milano, but I get that all the time.

I'm Miss Universe, look at that.

( Applause )

Miss Universe... ( cries )

¿Qué pasa, chica? Why are you crying?

I just saw a contestant that reminded me of my mother.

Who?

Miss Hungary.

Oh, poor baby.

Tell me what interests you, Miss USA?

You mean other than handsome judges?

Oh... he he he.

Mr. Sheffield, I wanna go home. I have to tell Ma that she can't move.

Oh, it sounds delicious. Why don't you make reservations?

( laughter )

Excuse me, I just want to say what a wonderful job your judges are doing.

Especially that one over there.

You know, his cousin's a little nervous

so he's giving her a few tips on how to win this thing.

His cousin?

What on earth would make them think I was related to Miss USA?

She's bloody Hawaiian, for God's sake.

Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise, I mean, the British aren't exactly known

for picking the most attractive people to wear a crown.

Miss Fine,

I haven't seen Grace's new figure since we left Disneyworld.

What happened?

Space Mountain.

They blew off into a galaxy far, far away.

So, Brighton, am I going the right way?

Yeah, just make a left at that old lady.

We're in Florida, which one?

You know, I don't ever remember taking this long to get to the airport.

Or maybe I'm just anxious to get home and talk to Ma.

Miss Fine, I have a little confession to make.

Dad, I thought we were going to Sylvia's condo.

( Gasps ) Stop the car! Stop the car!

Miss Fine! Do you want us all to die?

When in Boca...

I just thought if you actually saw

your mother's condo and the beautiful lifestyle

she's going to have, you might be happy for her.

Wouldn't you think...?

Do you ever think some good might come of your mother moving away?

Mr. Sheffield, I've been so lost since Ma left.

Really?

I feel wonderful.

( laughter )

I don't know what it is, Miss Fine,

but I feel so much closer to you since Sylvia left.

Sylvia who?

( laughter )

Miss Fine, I'm not sure how much longer I can control my feelings for you.

Well, wait 3 or 4 seconds and let it rip.

( laughter )

I gave Niles the day off...

Mr. Sheffield...

Where are the children?

I should know that, shouldn't I?

School, they're in school till 3:00.

So there's nothing to stop us.

I mean, your mother's isn't going to be dropping by, is she?

Uh-uh.

♪ Mom's moving to Boca, mom's moving to Boca ♪

♪ Mom's moving to Boca. ♪

You know, according to the map, we should be there by now.

There are no condos around here.

This is a complete and total swamp.

Oh, no, oh, my God. Oh, no.

Miss Fine, I think your mother's been taken for a ride.

No, no, no, you know what?

We'll get her deposit back

and, as soon as possible, she'll put another down payment

on a condo in Boca, as soon as possible.

Did I say that twice?

I'm carsick. I think I'm gonna throw up.

( Crying ) Me first...

( laughter )

Miss Fine, your mother's not moving to Boca,

so why the sundae?

My mother's not moving to Boca.

Miss Fine, where's Niles? Did I give him the day off?

Guess so.

Where are the children?

I should know that, shouldn't I?

This is delicious. Here, you wanna try some?

Yeah... Mmm.

Good, huh?

Oh, boy, a little chocolate and a little mouthy.

Ugh, I have been tasting Kung Pao Beef for two days now.

( laughter )

Oh, oh, mm...

almost there. Oh,

yes, yes! Yes!

Just give me 20 minutes to recover

and then I'll open up the apple sauce.

( laughter )

Yeah.

( Applause )