Original subtitles

Chapter 13... it was the first Halloween the Hayworth siblings

had all been together since they were little,

and they were making up for lost time.

- Oh, my God. - Can you not crowd my arm

- while I'm scooping? - Can you not elbow me

- while I'm holding a knife? - Okay.

- Ooh, easy, kids. - Hey, guys?

I've been thinking about our group costume idea.

How about we all go as superheroes?

- Oh! - Oh!

- I call Captain America! - Black Widow, obviously.

If we're talking, uh, superheroes,

I call Lucretia Mott.

19-century feminist?

Started the women's suffrage movement?

- It's a deep cut, Lulu. - Okay.

I've actually been working on an Iron Man costume.

No spoilers, but it's going to make the Mark VI

look like the Mark I.

Wait, why do you get to be Iron Man?

I'm clearly the Tony Stark of the family.

I'm rich. I invest in tech.

- I'm rich. - Come on, It's not just about money.

Tony is also a clever wordsmith, much like myself.

Tom, no offense, but if Tony was here,

he'd probably call you a dork

and then blast you with his laser eyes.

What?

Iron Man doesn't have laser eyes.

Who's the dork now?

He has repulsor beams.

- Everyone shut up. Emily's here. - Okay.

Can you please keep your crush on my brother's ex-wife

- down to a simmer? - It's not a crush.

She's just objectively stunning in every way.

- Hi! - Hi! Come in!

- Oh, thank you. - Wow, you smell like a garden.

Oh, thanks!

I'm just dropping off Gretchen. I won't be long.

Stay as long as you want.

- Hi, everybody. - Hello.

Shamiah, Esteban, Alejandro, Kelvin, Camila, Marina.

Hey.

- Hello. - Oh, hey, Tom.

Sorry, just blended in with the background, so...

Oh, Aunt Emily,

we're all going to be superheroes for Halloween.

- Solve an argument for us. - Hmm?

Who should be Iron Man for Halloween, me or Tom?

- Well, obviously Tom. - Thank you!

Yeah, because Halloween costumes are for children

and adults who act like children.

So...

- Yeah, thank you. Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

Sarah, Denise, your place is so cute.

- Stop! - Stop.

Well, I'll see you all on All Hallows' Eve.

Ooh, fancy.

So Emily is joining us.

First big holiday since the divorce.

Yeah, we thought it would be better for Gretchen

- to have us both there. - Yeah, definitely, totally progress,

but have you two discussed boundaries?

No, we thought the divorce

was a pretty good boundary, Sarah.

Okay, I just...

All right, fam...

What time should we meet up on Friday to T-and-T?

You mean "trick or treat?"

Yeah, it's just shorter to say it like that.

- It's absolutely not shorter. - Yeah, and it's "trick or treat,"

not "trick and treat."

Okay, professor.

So should we get an early start,

- maybe 4:00 p.m.? - It's going to be awesome.

I heard our neighbors give out king-size candy bars.

No, we got to trick-or-treat here.

Yeah, we can knock on ten doors in two minutes. I've timed it.

Daddy says it's about quality, not quantity.

- That's how you build wealth. - That's my girl.

- So 4:00 p.m., my place? - Wait, the kids are right.

Why do you just assume that we would do it at your house?

Because the neighborhood is richer?

No.

- Yeah. - I agree with Kel.

We should do it here. This building goes all out for Halloween.

Also, Connor, it takes, like, 20 minutes

to walk to your next-door neighbor.

It's not my fault the Carusos just put in a helipad.

Okay, I think we're all ignoring

an obvious solution... our neighborhood.

The houses aren't that far apart.

The neighbors are friendly.

We don't really know them, but we do wave at each other

when we're taking out the trash.

Yeah, it's the Goldilocks of neighborhoods.

You guys are so suburban basic.

Glorifying the gentrified ideal.

How's going to you a compromise

- when we're already here? - That's not a compromise...

Ah.

Wasn't sure I if knew how to do that.

Guys! How about we trick-or-treat

separately in our own neighborhoods?

- Hmm. - Yeah.

I mean, I guess we don't have to do everything together.

Fine by me... that way I can be Iron Man

without Tom getting all middle school about it.

Come on, I called it first. That's not fair. He's copying.

Okay, say "Ragnarok,"

whatever that means.

Tom! Gamora and I are waiting! Are you ready?

Oh, boy.

J.A.R.V.I.S., activate the Unibeam.

Hang on.

Oh.

Cool.

Is that Camila's night-light?

Are those my gardening gloves?

I know! Can you believe this thing's homemade?

I feel like that question's is a trap.

Dad, look! Uncle Connor tagged you in a video.

Have you seen this?

I am the Iron Man.

There's no "the." It's just Iron Man,

and his suit is ridiculous. How much do you think he spent on this?

Babe, that's why we are not seeing them tonight, okay?

No fights, positive energy.

Have you even noticed I am wearing a skintight jumpsuit?

Whoa, yes. Um, wow, okay.

Yeah, you know what?

- Tony Stark is a ladies' man. - Oh.

What do you say, Natasha?

Let's do this. Actually, you know what?

I really got to pee, so just give me, like, 20, 25 minutes.

I'll be right back.

Okay... done!

- Ta-da! - Ooh-hoo!

"Votes for V-Vomen."

Yeah, I couldn't find a W,

but must like Lucretia Mott, I persisted!

Ooh, look at these heroes. Kel, do the pose.

- Oh! - Oh, yes!

Okay, here's the plan.

First, we're going to take family photos

before all the chocolate stains.

Then we're going to have a trick-or-treating marathon,

and then we're going to wrap it up with caramel corn

and Charlie Brown Halloween Special.

Um, I was wondering if I could go

to Gaby's across the street tonight.

She invited a couple girls from the cheer team to hang out.

I don't understand. How are you going to do that and trick or treat?

I wouldn't. I'd just do one.

So you're not going to Gaby's.

I want to go to Gaby's instead of trick or treating.

I don't follow.

I'm saying...

I'm too old for trick or treating.

Oh.

- O-of course, sweetie. - Yeah, that's... that's fine.

If that's what you really want.

Uh, we can walk you over.

That's okay. I'm already late. I'll be back by 9:00.

- Have fun! - Okay.

Yeah, we will, and...

She's gone.

Yeah.

- We still have Kelvin. - We do. Yeah.

- Yes! Yeah. - Of course! Our son!

- We have two. - We have two kids.

Where is Kel?

Let's go! It's candy o'clock! Less talking, more knocking!

- Did I see him leave? - I did not see him leave.

Oh, very good.

You guys look amazing.

Daddy, your costume is the most awesome I've ever seen.

Honestly... me too.

I can't necessarily, uh, sit down, per se,

but sitting down is overrated.

- All right, one more. - Very good.

All right, time to T-and-T.

Gretchen, go grab your candy bag.

All right.

Oh, here, let me. I'll do it. There you go.

Can I just say...

- Hmm? - I'm proud of us.

First holiday since the divorce, making it look easy.

Yeah, we really are.

You know, it's important that we do this for Gretchen.

I don't know why people think co-parenting is so hard.

Yeah, well, those people aren't us, right?

Exactly.

All right, it's time to get a move on.

You want to go throw your costume on?

Oh, yeah.

I'm ready.

Seriously? That's your costume, cat ears?

Yeah, I'm a cat.

Meow!

Okay.

Yeah, it's just... That's cool.

I-I just kind of, you know, I went all out.

- Right. - And you just threw on a headband.

Mm.

Okay, how about we say that I'm a hedge fund manager

who drove across town during rush hour

to make it to her daughter's Halloween

and put on cat ears to be festive?

I don't know. See, that's kind of a thinker.

- Is it? - Maybe you should've just gone

with the superhero theme.

Are you guys ready?

- Yeah, let's do this thing! - Born ready.

Can I just say this is so... pleasant?

I know. A break from your family's drama...

- it's like an emotional cleanse. - Ooh, can I...

Yes, you can use that in your book.

- Good, thank you. - Veronica!

Oh, you're Veronica's parents?

Camila talks about her all the time.

I'm Marina. This is Tom and our thankfully sleeping twins.

Oh, how funny, we have twins, too.

- What? - Ah!

I'm Juliet. This is Eduardo.

I love your Iron Man.

- Mark VII? - Good eye, sir.

I tried to do a group costume

based on "The Eternals," but I got outvoted.

Their loss. Let me guess... the Fourth Doctor.

- No one beats Baker. - Right?

Although Tennant is a close second.

- Right? - Sorry about my husband.

I was about to apologize for mine.

And you are dressed as...

- Villanelle. - I love "Killing Eve."

Can I go to Veronica's house? We want to compare our candy.

Well, if it's okay with her parents?

What do you think, mi amor?

How about we all head back

and treat ourselves to a bottle of wine?

- Uh, twist my arm? - Thank God.

I knew I liked you. Come on, follow us.

- This couple is so cool. - I know.

This never would've happened if we were with my family.

This is big, honey.

We're making real-life neighborhood friends...

- like they do in the movies. - Trick or treat!

Trick or treat!

I love your Halloween wreath.

It's so spooky.

Oh, Kel, did you say thank you?

Kel, wait for us!

- Can't, I'm in the zone! - Kelvin, hey!

- Hey! - Did he get faster this year?

I think we got slower.

Can I go around with Jason and Marcus?

I can hit double the doors

without you dragging me down, no offense.

First of all, yes offense, but sure.

- You just have to promise that you're... - I will, thanks!

Trick or treat.

What are you, a superhero and a witch?

Oh, um, uh, we're both superheroes, actually.

- Where are your kids? - It's, uh, just us.

- Where are your husbands? - It's just us.

- Uh-huh. - Oh...

thank you.

Trick or treat!

- King-size, baby! - Wow.

Sweetie, you've already had two.

Maybe save some for later?

Oh, don't be so stiff, Iron Man.

She can eat it whenever she wants to.

I'm gonna agree with Mommy on this one.

Can you not undermine my parenting

in front of Gretchen, please?

It's just a little candy. Who cares?

I care. She's going to be up till 3:00 in the morning.

Okay, well, she can stay with me, then.

No way, it's my weekend.

Can you walk any faster? Maybe you need some sugar.

I'm trying. It feels like I'm walking in ski boots.

Well, my cat shoes are quite comfortable.

Those aren't even cat shoes.

Yeah, it was a joke. What's a cat shoe?

Shoes a cat would wear.

Look, they gave me a ring light!

- So cool! - Wow! Nice!

I know, right?

Seems a little show-off-y, don't you think?

Says the man who spent thousands

to look like a disco robot.

Iron Man is not a robot, okay?

- He's a rich guy in a suit. - Oh, okay, Tom.

Wow, that's a low blow.

Where is Tom, anyway? I thought your family was coming.

- They're doing their own thing. - Right.

They're probably having a terrible time.

Mm.

Guys, this is insane.

Our house has the exact same layout.

And the furniture... I think we have the same couch.

Oak Harbor sofa in dove gray?

Pearl white, but we almost went with the dove!

We almost bought the pearl!

I liked the show,

but it would've been better as a limited series.

Hello? I said the exact same thing to this one.

Call me basic, but I love this new orange-wine trend.

Same. It's like sauv blanc meets kombucha.

I have that same sweater, but mine is in...

- Yellow? - How'd you know?

Because that's the color I wanted, and they were out.

You stole my sweater! What?

Oh, man.

Well, I guess we're just kind of like...

very similar people.

You know, I just can't get behind Prop 65.

I mean, it seems like the right thing...

But the distribution of the money isn't transparent enough.

Yeah.

I was gonna say the exact same thing.

You heard that episode of "The Daily"?

We love that podcast.

- Of course you do. - Huh.

Huh.

Is it getting hot in here?

Okay.

God, how far apart are these houses?

At least your boots aren't filling up with blood.

Oh. Again.

Mom, Dad, look! A giant skeleton!

- Amazing! - Whoa! Crazy!

This is exhausting.

Yeah, well, no one told you to dress up like a toaster.

No, not that, just pretending everything's fine...

'Cause it's not.

Yep. We're making each other miserable.

I mean... maybe we shouldn't have done this together.

That would've been fine with me. I just...

I just didn't...

You didn't want to give up having Halloween with Gretchen?

- I guess not. - Yeah, me neither.

And I don't even like Halloween.

Ah, we didn't do this for her.

Yeah.

No, we were being selfish.

Look at her. She doesn't need both of us here.

God, she's on, like, her 10th Sour Straw.

You know, maybe...

maybe we should split up holidays for a while.

Ah, we'll be the cool divorced parents someday.

Yeah, absolutely.

Dibs on Christmas, though.

What? No, you cannot call dibs on Christmas.

I literally just did, so...

- Oh. - Can we go home now?

- Already? - So soon?

Okay.

- This is good. - Mm.

It's important to have healthy boundaries.

You sound like your sister.

First I sound like Tom. Now I sound like my sister?

- Make up your mind. - I don't know.

Maybe both of your siblings are rubbing off on you.

I can't believe our kids don't need us anymore.

That's not true.

They need us for food and shelter.

Not for long!

Look at us... we're two adults sitting alone in an apartment

in costumes that don't even match.

I kind of... wish we were hanging out with your family.

- Is that insane? - Ugh, no, me too.

I kind of wanted to see Alejandro in his little Thor costume.

I bet he's wearing a tiny little wig

on his head with a little helmet.

And a teeny-tiny hammer?

- It's so... - Hey, Moms!

Shamiah.

- What were you crying about? - Nothing, just visualizing a baby.

- Mm-hmm. - Why are you home so early?

We did a Ouija board, and the ghosts were making fun

of Sienna's bucket hat.

That sounds awful.

It really wasn't. I was just ready to go home.

- Poor thing. - It's okay.

I'm saying I was fine.

Shh.

- Kel. - Guys, I cleaned up.

Get in this hug pile!

My sweet angel babies!

Okay, too much, Mom.

- Yeah, that's a lot of kissing. - Okay.

Oh, you know, the color comes from contact with the grape skin.

- You already mentioned that... - Okay.

... and I already knew it.

Mm.

Are those our twins or yours?

Who can tell anymore?

We'll go check and grab some cookies.

Chocolate walnut from Tartine?

- How'd you know? - I just did.

I can't take it anymore.

- This couple is... - Us.

They're us, Tom. Can we please get out of here?

- It's terrible. I mean, I don't get it. - We're too much alike.

I don't want to have drinks with us.

I spend all my time with us! I'm losing my mind.

And there's no spark. There's no conflict,

no debate, unlike my family...

Whoa-'kay.

Do we like hanging out with my family?

No. Maybe.

I mean, we fight, but at least it's interesting.

Oh, my God. We're friends with your family.

- Tom! Have you checked out... - Oh...

- ... the new All Wings cross-trainer? - It's great.

It's like running on air. We got to get going.

- Cookies? - This was fun.

- So great meeting you. - Let's do it again.

Oh, it was our pleasure.

If they reach out, we'll just say we're busy with kid stuff.

Oh, that was torture.

If they ask us over, let's just say we're busy with kid stuff.

I got a box of French truffles, Swiss caramels.

Dad, is Dogecoin worth anything?

It depends on the market, sweetie.

What's wrong, Daddy?

Nothing. I just...

I thought we'd get at least one T-and-T-er tonight.

I think our house is too far from the road.

Aunt Sarah says our landscaping is hostile.

T-and-T-ers!

Trick or treat!

Ooh!

- Wow! - What are you guys doing here?

Just checking in to see how the other half Halloweens.

Oh, so your neighborhoods weren't fun?

- Oh, we had the best time. - Oh, so fun.

No tears at all.

Iron Man.

Iron Man.

Oh, my God, that's so cool.

Yeah, so I'm not going to lie. Trick-or-treating with Emily

was a little tough.

Kind of wish we had all been together.

- Oh, my gosh. - Oh, my gosh.

- Me too. - Okay, 'cause us, too.

Connor, can I ask you something?

- Hmm? - Do you have orange wine?

What's that? Sounds gross.

Halloween isn't usually a sentimental holiday.

That's reserved for Christmas or Thanksgiving

or a drunken Fourth of July.

Look, I'll trade you three lollipops for the Dogecoin.

- Five. - Deal.

But this Halloween the Hayworths discovered

that in spite of their differences...

Oh, you're just the cutest little god of mischief.

- Yes, you are! - In spite of all common sense,

this family didn't just need to spend time together.

They actually liked to.

Admit it, my suit is better. It's an exact replica.

Yeah, because you bought it.

I made mine, just like Tony Stark.

And, yeah, I know what you're thinking.

J.A.R.V.I.S. is the one who actually made it.

But who made J.A.R.V.I.S., huh?

I want to push you down so bad right now.

- I want to push you down. - Oh, yeah?

- Laser eyes. - Repulsor beams!

- Connor, sit down. - No, I'm cool.

No, seriously, sit down. I can make some space.

No, seriously, I physically can't.

- I tried. - Aah!

Okay, maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing

if our kids grew up a little bit.

Aah!

Yeah, I'm ready for them to be in college.

Can someone please wrangle these sugar-crazed monsters?

I nominate one of the Iron Mans.

I got it.

Halt!

Aah!

The Iron Man commands you!

Whoa!

- No! - Aah!

Now, that's how it's done.

It's just part of the job.

Wow!

Good work, mi amor.

Thanks, Tom.

You're a real hero.

Bring it in.

Sorry. Sometimes I forget how strong I am.

No, you don't.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --