Original subtitles

[ Theme music plays ]

Letha: Potted plants --

how to improve your curb appeal.

We like to have fun!

[ Cheers and applause ]

And welcome back

to "The Real Estate Show."

I'm your host, Letha Benet.

And I'm here

with a special guest.

Once again, we had no idea

he was coming to the studio.

Rosie O'Donnell

is in the greenroom.

She's pissed.

Dean Rosedragon is gonna be

talking about

the launch of his book,

"Sidewalks Made of People --

colon -- The Legacy

of Dean Rosedragon."

Dean: The colon is silent.

Letha: Tell me,

last time you visited us, Dean,

we couldn't get a handle

on whether or not

this book had been written.

And now, finally,

it's going to be published

and released

and in stores on Friday.

Dean:

That's not strictly true.

Letha:

What do you mean by that?

Dean:

Friday will be a party

celebrating the release

of the book,

and then we'll have the release

party on the release date.

Letha: I'm sorry -- so the book

will not be on stands

to be purchased this Friday.

Is that co--

Dean: No.

Letha: [Bleep] me.

I swear to God.

Dean: Letha, what is it?

Letha:

When I have you on the show,

I am told by your people

that there's gonna be a

physical book for me to promote.

Dean: Can I tell you

a little secret?

Sometimes, I pretend to be

one of "my people" on the phone.

Letha: You got

your voice so high.

Do it again for everybody.

Dean: [ High-pitched ]

This is Mr. Rosedragon's office.

Letha: And you gave her

a whole backstory.

Dean: [ Normal voice ] Yes.

Letha: Penelope,

she's 88 years old.

Dean: Never existed.

Letha: I sent money

because, apparently,

her husband was dying

of some sort of...something,

and you had a GoFundMe

for the husband.

Dean: It went to charity.

Letha: Did it?

[ Laughter ]

???

Letha: Now, I've been told

that you're going to be

announcing something

very special.

Dean: Very shortly,

in our Platinum offices,

I will announce to the brokers

which of them has won the right

to write my foreword.

Letha: Can you give us a hint

as to who that might be?

Dean: Can I tell you that

the winner is victori-ous?

Letha: Okay, I think

we know who that is.

Dean: Do you?

Letha: I think so.

Dean: I mean,

if you're going to be

[Baxter]

on my back, stir-ring up

the pot...

To determine the winner,

it's almost as if

I held up my hand

and drew out the winning name.

[Andrew]

Letha: Okay. There we go.

And we'll be back

after a commer--

Dean: That's not --

I have two more misleads.

Letha: Okay.

Dean: Who will be the winner?

We shall see.

[Chelsea]

Letha: You just gonna say

everybody's name in the --

Dean: This is what I do.

It's a mere affectation.

[Amir]

Amir will --

Letha: So it's Amir.

Dean: Amir will not

be the winner.

???

Andrew: We have a brand-new

listing near Lake Hollywood.

Baxter:

The owner is insisting that

we co-list with another broker.

Andrew:

But I'm not bothered, because

three is greater than two.

Baxter: I'm nervous.

Andrew: I know you're nervous.

You're sweating like a pig.

Baxter: I haven't done

a three-way...

Andrew: We did do one.

Baxter: Yeah,

since our early 20s.

Andrew: Yeah.

Baxter: Are you gonna

get jealous again?

Andrew: I didn't get jealous.

I was mad because you were doing

something with somebody else,

and I wanted to be in that

position, but I wasn't jealous.

Baxter:

You just defined "jealousy."

Andrew: No, jealousy is food.

It's a jiggly food.

Baxter: Okay, here we go.

Andrew: Look at this guy!

Baxter: Rocket!

Rocket: What's happening, y'all?

Andrew: What's up, Rocket?

Baxter: Good to see you, sir.

Rocket: Oh, yeah.

Baxter:

We met Rocket Jackson at the

Diamond Dealmakers last year.

Andrew: Of course, we knew

about him even before.

He used to be

a quarterback in the NFL.

Rocket: I was playing football.

Woman: Mm-hmm.

Rocket: And then I had

to retire when I was 24.

Woman: Right.

Rocket: I'm 27 now,

but the doctor says I have

the mind of a 68-year-old.

Andrew: You know what I like

about us right now?

We feel like we don't

have a leader.

It just feels like three strong

representatives of this house.

Baxter: Yeah.

Andrew: And I think

we should enter the house

just like that -- even Steven.

Baxter:

No one ahead of the other.

Andrew: So we go in together,

exactly at the same moment.

Rocket: I like it.

I want to get in between y'all.

Andrew: All right.

Baxter: Let's get

this door open.

Andrew: All right.

Baxter: All right.

Equal partners.

Andrew: Let's sell this thing.

Baxter: One, two, three.

Rocket: Mm-hmm.

Andrew:

Let's go sideways -- me, you...

Baxter: Oh, this way?

Andrew: Yeah.

Baxter: Okay.

A big right step on three.

One, two, three.

Andrew: My, uh,

my butt won't go through

'cause you're pushing back

into my -- my penis.

Rocket: That's just me.

Baxter: That's just me, too.

All right, let's see

if we can get out.

Andrew:

Can you push your butt...

Baxter: I don't know

if I can get back out now.

Andrew:

There you go. Does that help?

Can you push it further?

Baxter:

I'm gonna push my butt back.

Oh. [ Grunts ]

Andrew: Can you go lower?

Baxter: Me? Let's see if we get

all the way down low.

Rocket:

That's as far as my knees go.

Andrew:

I can't move, though, now.

I'm stuck. I can't get out.

Rocket: Let's try it again.

Baxter: Let's just sit down

on three.

One, two, three, sit down.

Andrew: I can't get out.

Baxter:

Okay. All right, I can --

Okay. There we go.

Rocket: There we go.

Andrew:

Um, that way wasn't bad.

We didn't get it,

but I had a good time.

Rocket: A good time.

???

Chelsea:

Today, I'm showing a villa

in Calabasas to Huck Harbuckle.

He's from a crazy-rich family

in New Zealand,

and he is hot to buy.

If you'll follow me

around the corner,

there's actually an ocean view

that's really stunning.

Huck: This is gonna sound weird,

but has anyone

ever been attacked by a whale

on the property?

Chelsea: A whale?

I can 100% say

no one has been attacked

by a whale on this property.

Huck: So it's been whale-proofed

and everything?

Chelsea: It's been...?

Huck: Whale-proofed.

Chelsea: Whale-proofed?

Huck: There's a security system

you can get these days

that detects

potential whale attacks.

Chelsea: Oh.

Huck: I thought

a property of this scale

would have that installed.

Chelsea: I can check.

Huck: I would appreciate that.

Chelsea: Whale-proofing

a house is, by far,

the strangest request

I've ever gotten from a client.

Huck: The windows seem large

for windows.

I mean,

that's a whale-sized window --

which just seems like suicide.

Chelsea:

Uh, you know...

this house really couldn't be

further from the water.

Huck: Well,

I have a phobia of whales,

so I'm just -- that's my thing.

Chelsea: Oh.

Everybody has something, right?

Huck: Yeah, well, I mean, I was

actually attacked by a whale,

so it's, for me, it's a real --

it's a real thing.

Chelsea: Oh. Wow.

I'm terribly sorry about that.

Is this guy a famous

scuba diver or something?

Huck: Sealand --

have you been there?

Chelsea: No, I haven't.

Huck:

It's a water amusement park.

Chelsea: I -- Yeah.

Huck: Yeah.

Kanesha, the whale,

jumped out of the tank...

Chelsea: Oh.

Huck: Yeah.

...and, um, attacked me, and...

It was my fault. I was --

Chelsea: How?

Huck:

I was heckling her. They threw

a donut, and she didn't eat it.

And I thought, "Boo!" you know,

"What a bad show,"

and I was booing

and heckling the whale,

and it heard the heckle.

It picked me

out of the audience,

jumped out of the pool,

over the rail...

Chelsea: Oh. No.

Huck: ...into the crowd...

and then just started

slapping me with its tail.

Chelsea: Just you?

Huck: Yeah, just me.

Then took a bite

out of my torso.

Chelsea: What?

Huck: Yeah. Nibbled on my torso.

Chelsea: Wow. I'm so sorry.

Huck: Yeah.

Chelsea: You know,

I was attacked by a bird.

Huck: Did it bite

a chunk out of you?

Chelsea: No, but...

Huck: Not that relevant.

Chelsea: You're right.

So yours is much worse.

Huck: I had a whale...

Chelsea: I kn-- Yeah.

Huck: ...take a bite out of me.

Chelsea: Oh! Yeah.

Huck: Yeah.

That's not a bird bite. Okay?

Chelsea: No. That is --

You can --

Huck: You want to touch it?

Chelsea: I don't.

Huck: No.

???

Dean: An impressive

dust-jacket photo

is a critical component

of any good book.

And here to help me capture

the perfect author image

is world-famous photographer

and friend Jerry.

Jerry, thank you so much

for agreeing to do this.

Jerry: I could not be happier

to have gotten your call.

Dean: How have you been since

the last time I've seen you?

Jerry: Not good.

I was put into

a medically induced coma

so they could recycle

all of the blood out of my body.

Dean: But at your request?

Jerry: Of course.

I asked them to put

the blood of a female lion in me

so I knew what it was like to

be protective about something.

Dean: Mm.

Jerry: Did not work.

Dean: The human/lion

incompatibility problem?

Jerry: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My body shut down completely.

Dean: I can't believe there's

not a workaround for that yet.

Jerry: That's what I said.

But don't you worry.

I'm working on it.

Dean: I bet you are, Jerry.

Cassandra: Ahhhhh...

Jerry: Mmm.

Told Cassandra

to wear her boobiest top,

and instead,

she showed up in this --

like a nun all covered up.

Cassandra:

I need to be able to move.

Dean: I understand.

Jerry: How are we, Dean-o?

What are we doing?

Dean: I'm doing very well.

You know, I'm working

on my book, my memoir.

Jerry: Please tell me

that part of your memoir

includes the story of you, me,

and Richard Marx in 1984.

Dean: Do you know what?

That is a hidden chapter.

It's a chaplet within a chapter.

Jerry: I love hidden chapters.

Dean: It's in code,

so if you read every fourth word

in this chapter,

you will find the secret story

of you, me, Richard Marx,

and a certain British monarch,

not to be named...

Jerry: [ Chuckles ]

Dean:

...and when we found that dead

body by the railroad tracks.

Jerry: Oh, yes.

I'm gonna say

upwards of 15 dead bodies

that we've found over the course

of our friendship.

Dean:

It is troublesome sometimes,

when I think about it --

that we've found

so many dead bodies.

Jerry: That's so interesting

because in my mind,

I'm shocked

we've not found more.

Should we take some pictures?

Dean: Let's.

Jerry: [ Chuckles ]

Why don't you

shut the fuck up?!

Dean: Why don't you try

pointing the camera

in the right fucking direction?!

Jerry: What did you say to me?!

Dean: You heard what I said!

Jerry: Say it to my face!

Dean: You can't take a picture

to save your life!

Jerry: I will open your mouth,

push this down,

and take pictures

of your rotten guts!

Dean: There is not one person

alive who speaks to me this way!

Jerry:

I will leap over this desk, and

I will rip you limb from limb!

Dean: [ Growls ] I will --

Jerry: What do we got?

What's the F-stop?

Cassandra: Uh, 2.8. 2.8.

Jerry: 2.8. 2.8.

Dean: Do you need me to face

towards the light or...

Jerry: Sure. Whatever you want.

Dean: Is this good?

Jerry: Okay, go.

All right!

Dean: Lying coward!

Jerry:

Are you ready for this?!

Dean: I'm ready!

Do you think you can do it?!

Jerry: Oh, well, well, well!

Look who decided to show up,

you motherfucker!

Dean: How dare you!

Jerry: Do not question me!

Dean: You spineless worm!

Jerry: Here we go! Three!

I'm gonna take this picture!

Dean: Good luck!

Jerry: Two! Get ready to be

photographed, asshole!

Dean: You miserable idiot.

Jerry: One!

Eat shit, Mommy!

That was pretty good.

That felt really good.

Dean: Can I see it?

Cassandra: Oh, my God!

Jerry: Look at that.

Look at that. Look at that.

Dean: Oh, I like that!

Jerry: That's gorgeous.

Dean: That looks very nice.

Jerry: You know what I think

about when I see this?

"How much for the book?"

Dean: Perfect.

Thank you very much.

Um, have your prices changed?

Jerry: Oh, yes, quite a bit.

Dean: Oh.

Jerry: I only get paid

in Jet Skis.

Dean: Oh, that's wonderful news.

Jerry: This is a 17-jet-Ski job.

Cassandra: Kawasaki.

Dean: Yes, Jerry is a genius,

but now I am exhausted.

Ohhh!

photography subject

is a young man's game.

???

Andrew: Our co-listing

with Rocket Jackson

is going wonderfully.

Baxter: The three of us

are showing the property

to a possible buyer

named Shargaret Talume.

Baxter: Look at this.

Andrew: This is probably my

favorite bathroom, I think...

in the city.

Andrew: Picture this. You get

home from a long day at work.

Rocket: All you want is

a hot, hot, steamy shower.

You don't want to be lifting

legs, getting those --

Andrew: No. You lift it --

The thing -- You lift your legs,

and all of a sudden,

you're doing other work.

You want to get into a mode

around your house

where your relaxation

is at 100%.

Baxter:

And you know what will bring

that 100% relaxation?

Get ready.

Get ready. Drumroll.

Men: [ Beatboxing ]

Andrew: [ Gasps ] Is it raining?

Is it raining?

Baxter: This co-listing

is going great.

Andrew:

Yeah, Rocket, Baxter and I

have really found our rhythm.

Baxter: Isn't this amazing?

Rocket: It's like

a "Price Is Right" microphone.

Baxter: Yeah. What do you bid?

Rocket: $1,000.

Baxter: Oh, that's too high.

What about you?

Andrew: I can't afford this.

Baxter: ? Ba ba ba dee,

ba ba ba dee ?

Rocket: ? Brrrooow ?

Baxter: I love co-listing.

Rocket is the greatest.

Andrew: I know. I mean, should

we make it a permanent trio?

Baxter: I think so!

Andrew: Maybe! Maybe!

All these tiles

are actually heatable --

uh, not just the shower tiles.

Rocket:

You want to walk around, turn

this up to 120, 130 degrees,

throw a couple steaks

on there...

Shargaret: Wait.

Does it get that hot?

Baxter: It does not. Nope.

Rocket:

If you want it to get that hot,

it could get that hot.

Shargaret: I would just hate

for the kids to play with it

and then burn their feet off.

Rocket: No! They want

to cook something, too.

Remember how,

when you were a kid,

you'd put scrambled eggs

on the hot sidewalk?

You ain't got to even do that.

You can do it in your bathroom.

Baxter: I think that's

just specific to you, Rocket.

No, this only goes

up to about 105.

What the hell was that?!

Andrew:

Hey, he's a football guy.

Everyone's allowed one fumble.

Baxter:

Hey, let's move on to the tub.

Rocket: L-Let's get to the tub.

Let's get to the tub.

Why don't you push that button,

show her how this thing works?

Andrew: I was gonna --

Rocket: Push the button.

Baxter: All right. Calm --

Rocket: I don't want

no back-talk.

Push the button.

Andrew: Sorry.

Baxter: This is an amazing

marble one-piece tub.

Shargaret: Wow.

Rocket: Turn it on.

Andrew:

You're probably wondering,

"Where does the water

come from?"

Baxter: Look at that little...

Shargaret: That scared me.

Rocket: Have you ever

seen anything like --

Look at this.

Shargaret: Don't.

Rocket: Look.

I could chop my neck off.

It's in my beard now.

Feel it.

Shargaret:

I don't want to feel it, sir.

Rocket: Have you ever seen

anything like this?

It's coming out of the roof!

Shargaret: I've never

seen a tub like this.

Rocket: Most water

comes out of the ground.

You heard of groundwater,

but have you ever

heard of roof water?

Shargaret: No.

Rocket: No, you haven't!

Baxter: You're getting

very aggressive.

Shargaret: I love it.

Rocket: It's a great tub,

and we don't need

to talk no more.

This is the house

that you want.

This is where you want to live.

This is where you want to be.

Shargaret: Yeah, I -- Okay.

Rocket: Why don't we

get that paperwork started?

Andrew: Are you trying

to fight her?

Rocket: I'm not

trying to fight her.

Shargaret: He keeps --

No, stop grabbing me.

Baxter: Rocket has officially

ruined the vibe here.

Andrew: I am losing

my sales boner.

Baxter: Rocket. Rocket.

Andrew:

You know what? There's too many

of us in here right now.

Maybe one of us

should take a break.

Baxter: Why don't you

sit on the bench?

Rocket:

Oh, I got to sit on the bench?

You're putting me on the bench?

You putting your star player...

Baxter: Sit on the bench!

Rocket: I can't

believe this shit!

I can't believe this!

You don't bench me!

Baxter: Hey! Hush. All right?

Rocket: You don't bench me!

[ Door closes ]

Baxter:

I am so sorry about that.

We don't normally sell with him.

???

Chelsea: Okay, I'm checking.

So far, so good.

No whales here.

Huck likes this house, but --

I can't believe

I'm gonna say this --

his whale trauma

is getting in the way.

Come on. We're good.

Huck: Okay?

Chelsea: Yep, we're whale-free.

Now --

Huck: It's a nice room.

Chelsea: Yes.

Huck: Yeah.

Whoa!

Chelsea: It's okay.

It's a toilet and a bidet.

Huck:

That's a double-access point.

Chelsea:

Do I really have to explain

to this man that a whale is not

gonna come up and attack him

through the plumbing?

Huck, I want to point out...

Huck: Okay.

Chelsea: ...a toilet --

a very narrow pipe.

A whale cannot fit

through those pipes.

Huck: What about a baby whale?

Chelsea: A baby whale.

Huck: A little,

itty-bitty baby whale.

Chelsea: Poor guy. All he sees

is whales everywhere.

Huck:

These little whale babies, okay,

are just swimming up

the drainpipes.

Chelsea: Mm.

Huck: Okay? Do you know where

the drainpipe goes?

To the ocean, okay?

Chelsea: Sort of.

It goes to a municipal --

Huck: They see that

as an access point.

They think, "This'll be fun.

Let's swim up this drainpipe,

bite someone's butt."

Okay?

Chelsea: Okay, well --

Huck: Next thing, you got

a whale on your butt. Okay?

Chelsea: I don't know

what I'm supposed to say here.

Huck: The more I think

about it, I'm just...

I would get rid of all --

These sinks would go.

Chelsea: Well --

Huck: The toilets would go,

the tub would go.

This would be more of a --

a dry room.

Chelsea: You're gonna get rid

of all of the plumbing?

Huck: Mm-hmm.

Chelsea: All right,

how are you gonna wash?

Huck: Since the attack, I don't

wash with liquids anymore.

Chelsea:

You don't wash your body?

Huck: I air-wash.

Chelsea: You air-wash?

Huck: Yeah,

I bathe in a light breeze.

Chelsea: So you just

stand in some wind?

Huck:

It's completely normal.

Chelsea:

I just put it together.

Tech addiction is like my whale.

I got to help him.

We're gonna do something.

Come here.

Huck: Oh, no.

I don't even go in tubs. Okay?

Chelsea: Oh.

Oh, you think this is a tub?

Huck: Yeah.

Chelsea: No, no, no.

No, this is a ceramic couch.

Huck: Yeah?

Chelsea: It's very modern.

Come on. Take a seat.

Yeah? You got it?

Huck: This is

a very unusual couch.

Chelsea:

I want you to come with me.

Come with me on a journey.

Stick both your hands out.

This is a faucet. All right?

Huck: Mm-hmm.

Chelsea: No whale can

come through that faucet.

Huck: Got a whale filter?

Chelsea: Come on! Look!

Look -- it's on.

Huck: This is not really --

Chelsea: Nope. Come here!

Huck: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, no, I --

Chelsea: Come here!

Huck: Whoa! Aah!

[ Babbling incoherently ]

[ Screaming ]

???

One, no whale!

Two, no whale!

Both: Three, no whale!

Chelsea:

And he's whale-free!

Both: [ To tune of

"The First Noel" ]

? No whale, no whale ?

? No whale, no whale ?

? No, oh, oh, wha-a-ale ?

? No, oh, wha-ale ?

Chelsea: Come here. Bring it in.

Huck: Thank you.

Chelsea:

Oh, my God. No whale.

He smells awful.

???

Baxter: Once we got Rocket out

of there,

everything just started

clicking again.

Andrew: We got the client

all excited,

and now it's time

to close the deal.

You've seen the property.

You like it.

Shargaret: I like it.

I like it a whole, whole bunch.

Andrew: You want it?

Shargaret: I really want it.

Andrew: How bad do you want it?

Shargaret: I want it bad.

I want it really bad.

Baxter: I'm reaching around,

and I'm throwing

all the furniture in for free.

Shargaret: Okay. Okay.

Baxter: What if we had the whole

exterior of the house painted

to something you liked

a little more, huh?

Andrew: Oh, yeah!

Shargaret: You'd do that?

Andrew: It's gonna be so pretty!

Shargaret: Oh, my God.

Andrew: It's gonna look

real good.

Are you gonna want it?

Baxter: And contingencies --

they're all gone.

Shargaret: Gone? Oh!

Andrew: Oh! Yeah!

Shargaret: Okay!

Andrew: Yeah!

All: Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yeeeeeees!!

Baxter: Oh, we're selling!

We sold! We sold!

Andrew:

I sold it everywhere.

Rocket: What is this?!

What is this?!

Baxter: You're too late.

We already sold.

Shargaret:

I'm gonna go call my husband.

I'm gonna call him right now.

Baxter: All right. Ohh.

Andrew: Wow.

Rocket:

Y'all sold without me?

Y'all gon' take the Rocket

all the way to space

and then abandon ship.

Baxter: Nope.

You were simply a...booster.

We just needed you to get

outside of the...atmosphere,

and then we dumped you.

Andrew:

We didn't have a guarantee

this was gonna work out.

We like you a lot.

You're a good guy.

It just didn't --

Baxter: We're better together.

So we had to take over.

We left your commission

on the table.

Just, you know,

take it and clean up

or whatever you got to do.

Rocket: Oh. Not gonna

hand me the commission?

You just gonna point at it

and not even look at it?

Baxter: It's over there.

I'm sorry.

Rocket: Sorry, my ass.

I'm gonna take this bread.

???

I'm gonna go fuck somebody.

Andrew: That stinks, man.

Baxter: He's in bad shape.

Andrew: We're enough.

Baxter: We're enough.

Andrew: I got you.

Baxter: Oh, God, I'm coming!

Andrew: Did you come?

Baxter: I'm coming!

You can't kiss my neck.

Andrew: Oh, my God.

Baxter: [ Moaning ]

Andrew:

I got one of those areas, too,

but I will never

tell you what that area --

[ Moaning ]

Baxter: I knew it.

???

Chelsea: It feels good

knowing that I'm responsible

for Huck getting over

his whale phobia.

I'm meeting him

at the house today

to sign paperwork and celebrate.

Huck? You up here?

Hey, Huck, it's Chelsea.

I have that paperwork

that we were gonna sign.

[ Gasps ] Oh, my God!

[ Gasps ]

Oh, no!

Huck?

Huck?!

[ Screaming ]

Kaneshaaaaaaaa!

???

Dean:

The day has arrived for me

to select the lucky broker

who will write

the foreword to my book.

I may be exhausted

from yesterday's

vigorous photo shoot,

but I know just the tonic

to relax my body

and clear my mind --

traditional archery.

Stavros.

This time, I've got it.

All right?

Stavros: I-I hope.

Dean: I know what I did wrong.

Stavros: Hit my face?

Dean: "To-may-to," "to-mah-to."

The point is,

this time, for sure.

Stavros: Okay.

Dean: All right. Clear eyes.

Stavros: Okay.

Dean: Full hearts.

Don't move.

Stavros: Good luck.

Dean: No! Stavros.

Stavros: What?

Dean: We say "break a leg"

in archery.

Stavros: Oh.

Dean: Here we go!

Stavros: Break a leg.

Dean: Oh, Stavros!

Your timing is atrocious!

Stavros:

I don't know what to do.

Dean: Just stay there and enjoy

being a part

of an accomplishment.

Stavros: I am so lucky

to be in your presence.

Dean: There we go.

As I stare at the apple

quivering atop Stavros' head,

my mind is struck

by a thunderbolt,

as if flung from the skies

by the hand

of mighty Zeus himself.

Everything goes dark,

and I feel as if

I am being visited by

the presence of Death herself.

Eventually, I emerge from

this void, arrow still in hand.

And in that moment, I know.

[ Bow snaps ]

I know which broker

will write the foreword.

Stavros:

Hi! He told me!

Dean: I did. I told Stavros.

???

DJ: I can't wait to hear

which broker gets to write

Papa's foreword.

Victoria: Do we really need to

go through this big ceremony?

Everyone knows I'm gonna get it.

Amir: This is where I

finally turn it all around.

Chelsea:

I really think the universe

wants me to write this foreword.

Baxter: The foreword

is as good as ours.

Andrew: Plus, there's two of us,

so each of us

will only have to write

half the letters!

Baxter: F!

Andrew: U!

Baxter: D!

Andrew: M!

Baxter: E!

Both: Fudme!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Dean: Hello.

I have an announcement.

???

I know that all of you

are on pins and needles,

waiting to find out

whom I have selected

to write the foreword

to my book,

which will be revealed

to the world

at the celebration this Friday.

Well, I have come

to a decision.

And after

much careful consideration,

there is one clear winner.

And that person is...

[ Groans ]

[ Heartbeat ]

Forgive me -- I had a momentary

constriction in my chest

that I'm sure was --

Nnrrrrrgh!

[ Groaning ]

DJ: Papi?

Dean: No!

I will deal with this.

It is my body.

Blood, I order you

to flow in an orderly manner,

as you have done

lo these many years.

[ Groans ]

The person writing the foreword

will be --

Oh! Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

Heart!

Cease your constrictions!

I command you!

[ Inhales sharply ]

You are mine!

You will obey me!

[ Groaning ]

Oh! My organs are

as strong-willed as I am!

This is truly

a clash of the titans.

[ Wheezing ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh.

The person writing

the foreword is --

Chelsea: Oh, my God!

DJ: Papa!

Papa! Breathe!

Andrew: Shake him! Shake him!

Victoria: I'll give him CPR.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

He needs it!

Chelsea:

He wouldn't want it.

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