Original subtitles

Baxter: Reggie Patterson. I thought I killed you.

I'm gonna kill you, Reggie.

Andrew: What? Huh?

Baxter: I'm gonna kill you.

Kill you right now. You're dead.

Cut you up.

I know how to make a body disappear.

Cut you up.

I'll kill your family, too.

Make sure you're dead this time.

Andrew: Oh, my God! Baxter murdered someone!

No! No!

He couldn't -- he couldn't have, right?

There he is. There he is.

Baxter: Drew, what's up?!

-Andrew: Baxi Pads. -Baxter: What's up, man?

Andrew: What's going on?

Yeah, I'm a little freaked out by Baxter's sleep talk,

but I don't think he did anything.

But, you know, it wouldn't hurt

to launch a subtle investigation

into whether he murdered somebody -- NBD -- no big deal.

I had a crazy-ass dream last night.

I was gonna tell you about it. -Baxter: Nice.

Andrew: I was trying to think if it related

to, like, real life or not.

I was like John Stamos' personal assistant,

but stylist sort of.

-Baxter: Okay. -Andrew: And he ended up

not liking an outfit I put him in.

-Baxter: Oh, okay. -Andrew: And he fired me.

And at the end of it all,

I walk out into the street,

and I realize it was just an episode

of the new "Full House,"

"Fuller House." I don't know.

Baxter: You're doing pretty well around here,

so I think you're fine.

Andrew: Yeah. What did you dream about?

Baxter: I had a pretty vivid dream

of a confrontation... with a friend of mine.

-Andrew: Who? -Baxter: Yeah.

Baxter: Reggie Patterson.

He stole a listing of mine.

Andrew: See?!

It was just a harmless dream about a guy he's mad at.

But he was out late.

He was out very late.

I kept trying to call you last night.

I noticed you wouldn't -- you wouldn't pick up

and then the provider was doing that thing where it's like...

"The person you are trying to reach

is outside"-- Baxter: Out of cell --

Andrew: "...of the cell service area."

Baxter: Good, good. I'm glad it did that.

Andrew: I was like, "Where the hell is Bax?"

-Baxter: I'm glad it did that. -Andrew: Where were you?

Baxter: I took my phone up to --

I was just tired of answering e-mail,

so I dropped it 100 miles north at a --

it's called a black site. -Andrew: Black site?

Andrew: There's no way to track you there.

I just had to get off the grid.

I've been on my phone so much lately.

So, yeah. -Andrew: That's crazy.

Baxter: And then I went to Reggie's,

and...we talked it out

and settled it. -Andrew: And you said --

Baxter: You don't have to worry about him

any more stealing our listings.

Andrew: Okay.

No, no, no!

No, I don't believe it.

No.

What's that?

Baxter: Hmm?

-Andrew: Is that red paint? -Baxter: Oh, no, it's blood.

It's my blood, yeah.

-Andrew: Oh. -Baxter: Don't worry about it.

Typical... -Andrew: Do I look worried?

-Baxter: Yeah, no. -Andrew: No, no, no. All right.

Baxter: Yeah, I just had a little nose bleed.

Andrew: Sushi for lunch?

Baxter: Sushi for lunch, yeah.

-Andrew: Sushi's good. -Baxter: All right.

Andrew: Catch you later, man.

Baxter: Later.

Victoria: I'm showing a house in Malibu today

to guerilla indie filmmaker Derek Young.

He said he's open to anything

as long as it has good natural light.

This is one

of the finest properties on the market right now.

Five bedrooms, five bath, his and her closets --

or his and his if you wear the pants

in the family.

You can see the view is exquisite.

Derek: This is total mid-'70s

Altmanesque kind of a Yasujiro Ozu touch.

Victoria: Well, hey, there!

Don't you steal my job. -Derek: Okay.

Do you mind if I take a couple of quick films?

I just -- I have a visual kind of memory,

and it really helps me to -- -Victoria: I get it.

Derek: You have no problem with that?

Victoria: Please! Get the whole --

get the whole panoramic view in there.

It's...

Derek: Yeah, oh, you are not kidding.

-Victoria: Right? -Derek: Panoramic.

Victoria: Totally normal -- I get this a lot.

Clients want to shoot the property

so they can look at it later when they're making a decision.

Derek: And that's all I need right now.

Guys, come on in. I --

I want to shoot the best thing I can for -- to make it look.

You're the best Realtor, you show me the best house.

I gotta make the best decision, right, so...

Victoria: Okay.

Derek: So I kind of have all these people here, so...

But don't mind them, this is how I -- I buy things.

-Victoria: Oh. -Derek: So that's okay? Okay.

We'll go from what we did yesterday

with the car scene. Nothing was resolved.

Now you're all bottled up, you're -- you know,

you gotta give it to him. Okay?

Victoria: Well, this is a first.

Derek: That's right. Don't deny it.

-Victoria: Der-- -Derek: Don't deny

that you instigated all of this. Yes?

Victoria: I just wanted to let you know that the art does come

with the house. -Derek: And it is amazing,

and we're gonna get that in the shot.

You know what? You know how you can help

me make my decision? -Victoria: Oh, yeah.

Derek: Could you give her one of those flats?

There we go. I need you to reflect over there.

-Victoria: I wasn't -- -Derek: Gotta hold that down

and angle it up towards...

towards Cindy, okay? -Victoria: Okay.

Derek: Let's do it from the beginning

and go all the way, straight to the end, okay?

-Cindy: Okay. -Derek: And we're --

and we're helping by being quiet.

Okay! -Steven: Thank you, Derek.

All right. -Derek: Okay.

And, no, you gotta hold that low.

But out of the shot.

A little lower. Here we go.

And action.

Steven: Look, I wanted to borrow a little bit of money

from your father, okay?

Cindy: How dare you put me in that position again.

You know that my father and I have money issues.

Steven: Look, you are looking at this backwards.

You're looking at me as if I'm the bad guy.

How do you think that feels?

Cindy: Okay, okay, all I'm getting from you

right now is victimization.

Steven: Well, that's how victims talk.

-Victoria: Oh. -Derek: Cut.

Perfect.

Victoria: Really get the feeling of the house.

Derek: We got there. Took us a little while.

I am at 99%. -Victoria: Yeah?

Derek: Yes, and that was really helpful.

Victoria: I knew you would like this place.

Derek: Um...you know what would get me to 100%?

Victoria: Tell me, you got it.

Derek: Do you have an interior kitchen day...

a continuation of this?

Victoria: Derek, I have a kitchen.

And it has a warming drawer that I think you're gonna love.

Derek: Warming drawer! Guys,

right away, we're gonna shoot the kitchen scene. Here we go.

Victoria: Brand-new oven, kitchen...

Glenn: I'm really enjoying my new role

as a broker and partner at Platinum.

I have a commanding presence

that the staff takes very seriously.

Todd: There is an 11:10 A.M. departing out of Atlanta.

And that's gonna get you to DFW --

Dallas/Fort Worth -- your destination by...

3:20 local time.

Well, no, I'm sorry, ma'am.

That's the latest flight I can get you.

You will have to travel with your luggage.

Uh, yeah.

Let me... let me do some searching and --

Glenn: Sorry, Todd, are you...

Todd: And, uh... Okay, well, we do have --

we have two windows open.

Glenn: Todd, I'm trying to figure out what's going on.

Todd: And, uh...

Okay, no, I do understand that, ma'am.

And we are searching for that flight.

There was some weather problems out of Buffalo.

Glenn: Sorry, Todd. Todd --

Todd: I'm not sure how that affected you.

-Glenn: Okay, Todd. -Todd: Yeah, ma'am,

I'm gonna put you on hold for one second.

Glenn: Okay, great, yeah.

Are you working a completely different job

right now? What is happening?

Todd: Yeah, I work customer service for Delta Airlines.

Do you have a problem with that?

Glenn: Um...

-Todd: I'm moonlighting. -Glenn: Okay.

-Todd: I'm doing my job. -Glenn: Okay.

Todd: Are you doing your job right now?

Glenn: I am doing my job.

Okay, I'm trying to bring, um...

Okay, uh...

Todd: Ma'am, this is Todd again.

-Glenn: Whoa. -Todd: No,

I am a real person, ma'am, I'm not out of Mumbai.

Glenn: I am shocked that I caught Todd

the weird janitor working another job on Platinum's dime.

And he's doing it in front of a partner!

I need you to -- -Todd: Sir, your luggage --

no, I'm looking for your luggage now,

and apparently you landed at ORD.

-Glenn: It doesn't matter. -Todd: Chicago's O'Hare Airport.

-Glenn: It does not matter. -Todd: And your luggage,

for some reason, is at YYZ -- -Glenn: Todd?

Todd: Which is Toronto International Airport.

Glenn: Todd, why, why are you doing this?

-Todd: Also a great Rush song. -Glenn: Shut him down.

You need to shut him down.

Todd: Okay, sir, yeah,

I understand that, sir, and it's --

-Glenn: Todd? -Todd: It's very difficult.

It's very difficult

to find luggage that's in another country.

Glenn: It's very difficult to get work done --

Todd: Delta is looking for your luggage right now, sir.

And Delta is gonna track down your luggage

and get it to you wherever you might be.

Glenn: At all times by all employees of a company

such as Platinum Realty.

Todd, I'm asking you to stop this phone call right now.

Todd: They will find your luggage for you, sir!

Thank you for calling Delta.

Glenn: They will be helped by another representative.

Is the call done?

Todd: Thank you for calling Delta. This is Todd.

Glenn: Do not take another call.

Todd: This is Todd in customer service.

-Glenn: Todd! -Todd: How may I help you?

Glenn: Stranded travelers can wait,

unlike Baxter with his non-flushable baby wipes.

Unclog the toilets, Todd!

Chelsea: Glenn's win has oddly bonded the rest of us together.

Amir and I have been getting lunches

to talk Diamond Dealmaker strategy.

Um, sorry, I just -- this said "seared,"

and it really feels like it's kind of cooked through.

Waitress: I'm so sorry about that.

Chelsea: That's okay. If I could just...

-Waitress: Yeah, uh... -Chelsea: Could they redo it?

Waitress: ...make you a new one.

-Chelsea: Thank you. -Amir: I also actually --

I haven't really cut into my lamb,

but I can tell just by looking at it

that it's a little too rare. -Chelsea: Yeah.

Amir: Also, the sweet potato mash here, I mean,

it's definitely been mashed too much.

It's probably overcooked,

'cause it's like -- I mean,

I'm not in a nursing home, you know what I mean?

-Waitress: I'll send it back. -Amir: And then I tried this,

it was very, very sweet, like, cloying.

Waitress: I'll have them make you an entirely new plate.

Amir: It was, like, cloyingly sweet.

Chelsea: You know, that made me realize

that I thought that was sweet potato,

but that's like a carrot ribbon,

and I just feel like just garnishing with carrots

is like -- it's like 1997, right?

Waitress: Would you prefer a side salad?

We could do mixed greens.

Chelsea: I think just something that feels more,

like, of this decade, because it feels very --

Amir: Something that doesn't make us feel

like we just saw "Better Off Dead" in the theaters.

Also, this is a fake flower.

I know I look Middle Eastern, but I'm not a Syrian refugee.

-Waitress: Okay. -Amir: So...

Waitress: Would you like me to take the flower away?

-Amir: Yeah. -Chelsea: I never ever do this,

but I just feel like the whole restaurant,

it's beautiful, everything's great.

All of the food is disgusting and your attitude is --

Waitress: Okay, I never do this,

but I never do this, but -- -Amir: There's Asians -- oh!

Waitress: But I'm doing it today.

Sorry, what were you gonna say about Asians?

Did I interrupt? You know what?

Why don't you say what you were gonna say

about Asians right now.

Oh, whoops. I'm sorry.

I stepped on your fucking salmon...

Chelsea: Oh, my God.

Waitress: ...that is seared and not cooked through.

So why don't you eat it and put on some fucking weight?!

Pieces of shit!

You eat that.

Chelsea: Oh, my God, she called me skinny.

Thank you!

Victoria: I'm touring a house with my client, Derek,

who insists on shooting the house with his actors.

I'm done buying that this is for his private use.

Steven: If you didn't want me to go on her house boat,

why did you let me DJ her birthday party?!

Why did you let me go there?!

Cindy: You are not putting this back on me!

You should have kept your dick outside of her!

Steven: You know what? I tried.

And then you drove my dick right back into her!

You drove it in again and again and again and again!

Cindy: How many times?!

Steven: You want to know how many times?

-Cindy: How many times? -Steven: Well, I'll tell ya.

It's less than 100, more than 10!

Cindy: Oh, my God! You animal!

Derek: Cut. Perfect!

Oh, God, that's perfect!

-Victoria: Hey, Derek, can we -- -Derek: Wow.

Victoria: With all due respect,

it kind of feels like you're shooting a movie here.

Derek: It -- no, yeah, a little more powder on her.

No, this is -- I need this for --

Victoria: This is what I'm talking about, the touch-ups...

Derek: I want to make the best decision I can about the house,

so we're gonna do a couple more takes,

then do some exteriors and...

Victoria: How stupid does he think I am?!

Oh, I'll just tell her

I'm gonna shoot some scenes so I can see the house,

but really I'm gonna shoot my whole movie here.

Is that what you thought, you little indie fuck?!

Well, listen up, okay? Nobody fools me!

I'm the top Realtor in Los Angeles, okay?

So you don't come in here and push me around!

What are you doing? -Derek: I -- sorry, Victoria,

have you ever -- have you ever --

Victoria: What?

Derek: Have you ever acted before?

Victoria: Of course, I've acted.

I was understudy to the player queen in "Hamlet"

in high school. -Derek: Okay.

Can -- I mean, she's -- -Victoria: What?

Derek: You have got to be the girl

that she has the affair with,

and we never reveal your name. Would you be --

Victoria: You want me to be in your movie?

Derek: Yes, I want you to save this movie! Would you?

Victoria: I knew it wouldn't be long

before the stage called me back.

God, just when you think you're out,

it pulls you back in.

Derek: Would you be okay with, like, some tasteful nudity?

Victoria: Yeah. I'm okay with everything.

Derek: Yeah? Side boob, fleeting bush,

half butt. That's all it is.

-Victoria: Got it. -Derek: Okay, good.

Exterior porch, let's do it, guys. Come on.

Victoria: Now, I want to talk about the script.

Are we allowed to go off, or do we need the lines exactly?

Andrew: I've been thinking about it a lot.

I know my friend Baxter,

and there is no way he hurt Reggie.

Baxter: Oh.

Andrew: That's as fast as you can go?

Baxter: I'm trying.

Andrew: [ Laughs ] That chair!

Anyhoots, I'm off to meet a client in Brentwood.

Oh, my God! Reggie Patterson is in that rug.

Baxter: Andrew! Hey.

-Andrew: Hey, man. -Baxter: Oh, hey.

Andrew: What's up?

Baxter: Sorry, I... I didn't know you were gonna be

coming out of the elevator this way in the parking garage,

'cause nobody parks on this side.

I thought everybody was gone.

Andrew: Um, yeah.

Baxter: You want to help me load this rug up?

I'm trying to stage a house with a nice Oriental rug,

and I can't get it in the back of the car.

Do you want to help?

Andrew: He is my best friend, and I have sworn to help him.

This means something.

I know what's going on here.

I'm not stupid. I get it.

Baxter: You know what's happening?

Andrew: I know exactly what's happening.

But I'm gonna help you. -Baxter: But it's for you.

Andrew: I don't want to even try to understand

what that means because I never asked this of you.

I've joked around about it before.

Baxter: Great. Help me get him in there.

He's super heavy. -Andrew: He? He?

Baxter: Yes, the rug.

Andrew: You can't say things like that.

You have to be more careful. -Baxter: It's a male rug.

Andrew: No, there's no such thing as a male rug.

Baxter: Yes, of course there is. This is a nice

burgundy dark rug. -Andrew: No.

Baxter: This is a male rug.

-Andrew: Jesus Christ. -Baxter: Help me get it.

Andrew: I can't believe this is happening to us.

-Baxter: Put the head up near -- -Andrew: You can't say head.

Baxter: The rug has a head.

There we go.

Okay.

Andrew: Hey, get -- hey, no, no, no!

No, Baxter!

No, no!

-Baxter: We're going! -Andrew: No!

Somebody! Somebody help me! Somebody!

Glenn: I hate to be a tattletale,

but this janitor really chaps my ass.

Todd: Leave me the fuck alone, weirdo!

No, ma'am, I'm not talking to you.

I'm sorry you heard that language.

No, there's just a little man bothering me right now.

A little pestering man. -Glenn: Okay.

And I have no choice but to run and tell Dean.

Mara: Ooh. Unfortunately,

Mr. Rosedragon is not in right now.

Glenn: Okay, Dean is sitting right there.

Mara: So sorry, he just stepped out for just a second.

Pardon me for just one moment.

You know, I think he just stepped out for lunch.

Dang it, you just missed him.

Glenn: Okay, I'll play your game.

When is...

the first available appointment with Dean?

Mara: Let me just check real quick.

Dean: Do you know what we need is a pinball machine.

Do you know what I mean? -Mara: Absolutely!

Dean: For, like, days like this where it's so boring.

If we just had a pinball machine in the office,

like a real, old-fashioned one, you know?

Mara: That is an excellent idea.

Dean: Will you make a note of it?

-Mara: I will! -Dean: So I won't forget.

Mara: Absolutely.

Dean: Thank you very much, Mara.

Glenn: Dean, if I could. Dean, if I c--

Mara: I guess he took a small vacation,

and, um, I think --

I think if I got the planes right,

he should be back tomorrow some time.

Glenn: No. No.

He's there.

He didn't step out.

-Dean: Mara? -Mara: Yes, sir?

Dean: What's my favorite national anthem again?

Mara: The Canadian national anthem, sir.

-Dean: Thank you, thank you! -Mara: So, again,

if you'd like to set up an appointment, that would be --

Glenn: Yeah, I want to set up an appointment, Mara.

Mara: Ooh.

That's a nasty tone.

Glenn: When can I have an appointment, Mara?

Mara: Uh, I believe he's open at 5:00 P.M.

5:00 P.M.

Glenn: Today? Great. I'll take 5:00 P.M. today.

Mara: Next Friday.

Glenn: He's sitting right there,

reading some kind of old book, okay?

Let me speak to Dean. Get out of my way.

Please, get.

Mara: Go ahead.

Oh, block! You never leave me open.

-Dean: Mara? Mara? -Mara: Yes, sir?

Glenn: There's no way he didn't see me standing there!

Why is no one

giving me the respect worthy of a partner?

Dean: Oh, this does take place on Earth.

Glenn: Okay, Dean, I'll just be -- I need to speak --

Mara: I think -- I think it's time.

I think it's time for you -- -Glenn: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, hey! This is a suit.

This is a suit, all right. This isn't some kind of...

Dean: Mara?

Mara: Yes, sir?

Dean: What's "Star Wars" again?

Mara: Oh, it's that silly little film

that you said you hated.

Dean: Oh! Yes, I hate it so much!

Mara: Did you want me to go ahead and recap it for you?

-Dean: Yes, please. -Mara: Okay.

In a galaxy far, far away...

Glenn: She put me in time-out.

Being partner feels a lot like being office manager.

Victoria: I was really pissed when Derek used my listing

as the location for his independent film.

? But that all changed when he made me a star ?

Cindy: [ Crying ] Damn it, I will jump!

Steven: No.

Victoria: Steven...

I can't do this anymore.

-Steven: But you have to. -Victoria: I'm sorry.

Listen, I... -Steven: But you have to.

Victoria: Why is my character even here?

Derek: Because she is a force of nature. She has no --

Victoria: She wouldn't be here.

She goes to yoga on Tuesdays.

Why would she show up here? It doesn't even make sense.

Derek: Wait a minute,

when did we decide that she goes to yoga on Tuesday?

Victoria: I have a back story. Put your arm up.

-Derek: Mm-hmm. -Victoria: Slowly, sl-slower.

Slowly, slower.

Look at me, look at me. -Steven: [ Grunts ]

Oh, my balls!

Victoria: I think we should roll. Just roll.

Filmmaking is like real estate.

I do whatever I want.

But ask no more!

Ask no more.

Derek: And cut, print.

Victoria: I mean, I think that was it.

Steven: That was so good.

-Victoria: Oh. -Cindy: You okay, Derek?

Derek: I'm gonna need a second, guys, I'm sorry.

Cindy: Sure.

Derek: Thank you.

-Victoria: Thank you. -Derek: Thank you.

-Victoria: Oh, bravo me. -Derek: Victoria.

Just a second, just a second, okay?

Victoria: Do I have room for a Diamond Dealmaker

and an Oscar?

I'll make room.

Andrew: I agreed to help Baxter move a rug

with a dead body in it, and then he kidnapped me.

I don't know where we're headed, but I am terrified!

Why are we stopping?

-Baxter: We're stopping. -Andrew: Why are we stopping?

-Baxter: We're here. -Andrew: Why did you say --

we have gone so far and you're suddenly stopping.

What are we doing?! Let me out!

-Baxter: I'm letting you -- -Andrew: Let me out!

-Baxter: I am! -Andrew: I am so car sick!

I am so car sick!

Baxter: Just shut up!

Okay? There comes a time

when you have to be a big boy. -Andrew: Oh.

Baxter: And stop being a little boy.

Andrew: I want to stay little.

Baxter: I feel like you have your diapy on right now.

Do you have a big dirty diapy?

Andrew: I do have a dirty diapy.

Baxter: No one can know.

Andrew: I'll do this with you. I will help you with it --

[ Noisemakers blowing ]

All: Surprise!

-Andrew: No! -Baxter: Yeah!

-Andrew: Yeah! -Baxter: It was a prank!

Andrew: You knew! I thought you...

I thought you killed --

I thought you killed a person. -Baxter: What?!

Andrew: I thought I --

Baxter: He thought I killed someone!

[ Laughter ]

Andrew: I knew Baxter couldn't kill anyone.

It turns out it was actually an elaborate cover

for a surprise birthday party for moi.

Guys, I thought he literally had killed somebody.

-Chelsea: What? -Andrew: I did. I swear to God.

I went down in the basement as I'm leaving for the day.

He had that -- he had that stand-up of me,

which is nice,

and I had wanted that

for a long time. -Chelsea: Yeah.

Andrew: He had that wrapped up in a rug.

So what would you think if you saw somebody putting a...

Baxter is a genius!

He throws a surprise party for me

when my actual birthday is four months away.

Cindy: I'll do it. I'll jump.

Victoria: No.

Announcer: 3 lovers, 1 house...

Steven: But you have to!

Victoria: Five bedrooms, five and a half baths.

The master bedroom has two closets!

Announcer: Starring Cindy Roost...

Robbie Cass...

and introducing Victoria King.

Victoria: I won't even need to put it on MLS.

I'm that good!

Announcer: In select theaters.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0