All language subtitles for 21 Jump Street s03e12 The Dreaded Return of Russell Buckins.eng

(throat clearing)

(coughing)

(throat clearing)

(coughing)

- Excuse me, Mr. Hanson.

- Yeah?

- Um, I was just
wondering if you're always

this talkative in the morning.

- Whatta ya mean?

- Well this is the
first time we've spent

the night at your
house, and overall,

I've gotta say the
nights are much more

exciting than the mornings.

- I like to read in the
morning, it helps me wake up.

- I already helped you
wake up once this morning,

twice, in fact.

I guess next time I'll just
throw you a little book.

- Listen, I have a routine.

I go to the store,
I grab a newspaper,

a couple of magazines,
coffee, read.

It helps me wake up.

- No talking.

- I'm usually alone.

Why don't you have
a magazine, huh?

- Oh, thank you.

- Live a little.

- Oh boy.

- See?

- You're not gonna believe this.

Working out of an
abandoned chapel,

this band of kiddie cops
invades the city schools

with an enthusiasm
usually associated

with the playground at recess.

(tense music)

- Son of a bitch!

- [Jackie] Who?

- Russell Buckins.

- You told a reporter about
the Jump Street program?

- I told a friend about
the Jump Street program.

- [Jackie] Some friend.

- Dead friend.

(gentle music)

(moves to rock music)

? We never thought we'd
find a place where we belong

? Don't have to stand alone,
we'll never let you fall

? Don't need permission
to decide what you believe

? Ooh, I said jump

? Down on Jump Street

? I said jump

? Down on Jump Street

? Your friends will be there
when your back is to the wall

? You'll find
you'll need us cause

? There's no one else to call

? When it looks hopeless
a decision's what you need

? You better be ready to

? Be ready to jump

? 21 Jump Street

- A Bruce Lee clone who
swiped Don Johnson's wardrobe?

Where does your friend get
off printing this bull?

It's your fault, man!

- I know, Harry, I'm
sorry, all right?

- You're here, so Buckins
must be dead, right?

- Go away, I'm a little busy.

Hi, yes, I'm looking
for one of your writers,

a Russell Buckins?

Well, this is his cousin.

It's a family emergency.

Yeah, I'll hold.

- Hey, hey, this
typical bruiser type who

has fallen off of his
motorcycle one too many times.

Is that supposed to be me?

- And what is this
about preening in front

of the ladies room mirror?

- Buckins, yeah.

San Francisco, really?
- Captain's comin'.

Make a run for it.

- Well, thank you very much.

You've seen it.

- Mag's got a big
circulation, Hanson.

Can I see ya in my
office a minute?

- Yeah.

- Cap'n, just for
the record, you know,

I don't happen to
think that you combine

the worst qualities
of a drill sergeant

and a male fashion model.

- And just for the
record, Penhall, I don't

think that's very funny.

- Well you know,
I didn't write it.

It was Russell,

Russell the wienie Buckins!

- (sighing) Hanson, I'm
sorry to have to do this,

but you know how the department

feels about this sort of thing.

You're under suspension
until an investigative

committee determines
just how damaging

this article will
be to the program.

- And then?

(gentle music)

- Then you go before
a review board.

They'll decide how much
of this is your fault,

and what action is to
be taken against you.

- Well, Captain, I wish I had
some kind of an explanation.

You know, Russell tells me
things, I tell him things.

I just, I thought
it was understood.

- Yeah, well, sometimes
there's no way to tell, Hanson.

All you can do is
trust your instincts.

- [Tom] Yeah well, when it
comes to Russell Buckins,

my instincts ain't worth much.

- Got it.

- [Tom] Remember the time I
got suspended for drag racing?

- [Adam] Yeah, I remember.

Instead of doing your
time at the academy,

you took off with that clown.

- [Tom] Yeah, that guy
had a way of talkin'

me into anything.

- I'll be honest, Hanson,
I never seen anybody

degenerate this fast before.

- What did I sleep on, man?

- I mean, you blow off your job,

you wrestle a bear,
you get a tattoo,

I mean, what can I say?

I'm impressed.

- [Tom] How could you
let me get a tattoo?

- Heck, will you forget
about the tattoo?

- You can't forget
about a tattoo, man,

that's the point.

(screaming)

(horn honking)

(tires screeching)

(car crashing)

- Vehicular cowicide, I mean,

is that really on the books?

- That was a $5,500 cow, son,

and you don't have
any insurance.

- Well hey, neither did the cow.

I mean, this is a
no-fault state, isn't it?

(light music)

- Russell was always a big
dreamer and a big talker,

but I never thought he'd
actually sell anything.

What kind of stuff do you write?

- Eh, magazine pieces,
lifestyle stuff mostly.

- Where do you get your ideas?

- You know, life.

- Yeah, Hanson, unfortunately,
he wrote about your life.

You know what you're gonna do?

- I got a pretty good idea.

(classical music)

- So you're here for
the wedding, huh?

- What wedding?

- Hunt Samperton's kid,
she's gettin' married.

They've been throwin'
parties for a week.

I thought that's
what you're here for.

- No.

Keep it runnin'.

I'll be right back, okay?

- [Man] May I help you?

- I'm here for the party.

- Have you an invitation?

- Invitation, hey
you know what, I left

it in my hotel room.

- Most unfortunate.

I could look through the
guest list, Mister, uh?

- Robert Wendell,
is that you, boy?

Oh, it must be 15
years if it's a day.

Come with me.

We'll say hello to Elizabeth.

She will be thrilled.

It's absolutely
uncanny how closely

you resemble your grandfather.

Yes, it's the same face.

- You know I get
that all the time.

Listen, by any chance
have you run into a guy

named Russell Buckins?

- Oh, excuse me, Wendell,
that's George Woodhouse.

I need to see him for
- George Woodhouse

the idiot congressman?

- Oh, let's not be snide
boy, it's his wedding, too.

Actually, I heard
him give a speech

at his alma mater last month.

He was almost coherent.

I was quite amazed.

George.

George, look who I
found wandering around.

- Who?

- It's uncanny.

The boy drifts, just
like his grandfather.

(light jazz music)

- Robert Wendell, is that you?

- It's Louise from
day camp, remember?

- Day camp, right.

I don't--

- It's okay, it's
been a long time.

I never would have
recognized you either

if Mr. McKenzie hadn't seen you.

How's Harvard?

- Great.

Harvard's great,
it's a good school.

- I've heard, and Monica?

- Monica, actually
we broke it off.

Things didn't work out.

- Things didn't work
out with your schnauzer?

- Right.

I have a confession to make.

I'm not Robert Wendell.

- No kidding.

Robert's a head shorter
and 50 pounds heavier,

but you do look a lot
like his grandfather.

- Hmm, Tom Hanson.

- How 'bout you
don't give me away,

and I won't give you away?

- Okay.

So what are you doin' in
here, you don't like parties?

- Hmm, this seems
more like a circus.

- Yeah, I know what ya mean.

The biggest clown's the groom.

- George Woodhouse?

Any woman would kill to
marry George Woodhouse.

He's charming,
handsome, wealthy.

He's a prize catch.

- Yeah, I guess if
you like flounders.

- Ooh, you're cruel.

- Come on, the guy's turned
stupidity into an art form.

I mean, you know,
would you marry him?

- Well of course I'd marry him.

What else would
I be looking for?

- You tell me.

- Well if I was a silly
teenager I'd tell you

I was looking for
something different.

I don't know,
spontaneous, crazy.

- [Tom] Passionate.

- Very passionate.

A guy who cared only
about being with me.

The two of us will live
on some tropical island

and live on love and
coconuts in a grass hut.

- [Tom] It sounds very romantic.

- But I'm a little too
adult for that fantasy.

- So you'd opt for the
klutzy congressman.

- You disappointed I'm
looking for a guy wild enough

to crash a party and
pretend he's Robert Wendell?

- Actually, I'm not
crashing the party.

I'm looking for someone.

No, no I am.

Maybe you've seen him,
a big guy, big mouth,

probably sneaks
half the buffet back

to his hotel every night?

- Russell?

You're a friend of
Russell Buckins?

I love that guy.

- Do you know where
I can find him?

- Los Angeles.

I'm telling you a candidate
like George Woodhouse

would hit the jackpot in L.A.

- He's a Republican,
a conservative.

I would've thought
just the opposite.

- Well sure, he'd miss out
on the Jane Fonda vote.

He wouldn't get Cher,
but I'm talkin' Bob Hope,

Chuck Heston, Moses
for cryin' out loud.

George is a good-lookin' guy.

He looks good in a
suit, and I'll tell ya,

that thing he does
with the droolin'

on his shirt, people love that.

- Thomas old chum, what
are you doing here?

(punch smacking)

Fraternity handshake.

Oh, I love this guy.

Can't wait to catch
up on old times.

Whoa, you didn't like
the article, huh?

Wait, just let me explain!

Listen, just let me explain!

Tommy, damn it!

I let you explain
when I caught you

watchin' my sister
in the shower!

- [Tom] Get up!

- Come on, man, I
just wanna explain.

- [Tom] Everything's
under control.

Everything's fine.

Explain!

- I can't.

You're right.

You're right.

I was up against the wall,
and I needed a story.

- You used me.

You didn't care what
it did to my department

or to my career.

- It don't mean I
don't love ya, Tommy.

Tommy, wait a minute.

I stink, okay?

I'm the stuff you
scrape off your shoe.

I'm pond scum.

I know that.

It's a chemical
imbalance or somethin',

but believe me, I never
meant to hurt you, man,

and that's the truth.

- Fine, then you're
gonna come back with me,

and you're gonna explain
to the review board

that just suspended me
that you're a conniving

slug who sold me out
for a few lousy dollars.

- Hey, I made five
grand on that article.

- Get in the cab!

- I can't.

- What do you mean you can't?

- Tommy, I got
important business here.

Look, just gimme
two days, would ya?

I swear, I'll come back.

I'll clear your name.

- You're gonna go
back with me now.

- Tommy, I'm doing a major
expose on George Woodhouse,

the damn symbol of
beauty parlor politics.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.

This piece could make my career.

- What are you really
up to, Russell?

- Tom, I told you, you know,
I'm just doin' an article.

- Come on, I know you.

You got that hungry
look on your face.

What is it, you got like
kinky pictures of Woodhouse?

Is that what it is?

- No, no, no, Tom, you
got me all wrong, man.

I'm a new man.

I'm changing.

- Russell, you're gonna
come back with me now,

or I'm gonna go in
there, I'm gonna tell 'em

what kind of journalist
you really are.

- Tom, if you do that
then I won't say a thing

to your review board.

- Russell, you know I'm
a trained police officer.

If you're not in my
office in two days,

I will hunt you down and
perform voodoo rights

on your internal organs.

- Oh, what a revolting image.

All right, I'll be
there, I'll be there.

Ya got my word.

- I don't know what
you're up to, Russell,

but I pity these people.

You've got two days!

Just take me to the
airport, all right?

- Must be somethin', huh?

- [Tom] What's somethin'?

- [Cabbie] Louise Samperton
back there with your friend.

- [Tom] That's Louise Samperton?

- Yeah, worth 20 mil
if she's worth a dime.

- I'm tellin' ya, Tommy
and I are best friends.

We always hit each
other like that.

It's a, it's a tradition.

Uh.

- Hello again.

- Hello, again.

- What are you doin' here?

I thought you went
to the airport.

- I changed my mind, Russell.

- Ugh, you want an egg?

- No.

- Well, shall we go
to the other room?

(upbeat music)

(soft jazz music)

Hey Tommy, you
tried one of these?

The ones from the box
don't even come close.

- Maybe later.

So I was surprised
to hear you were

getting married so soon?

- Were you?

- I guess you've given
up on love and coconuts.

- Love and coconuts, what are
you two talkin' about, Tommy?

- It's an old joke
from day camp, Russell.

- [Man] Louise!

- Hi.

- Watch.

- How are you, darling?

- Fine thanks.

- Good.

- I have some friends
I'd like you to meet.

- I'm gonna make him stammer.

It's easy.

- [Louise] I was just meeting
a friend of Russell's.

- Oh.

- Hi, Tom Hanson.

- George Woodhouse,
proud to know you.

- Hey, George, I have a
friend at the Enquirer

who's doing a story that
says you cheat at golf.

- You're putting
me on. (laughing)

- Of course he's putting you on.

- Well he says he has
access to scorecards,

caddies who are
willing to testify that

you improve your lines without
taking any penalty strokes.

- Russell.

- I never, no.

- Well, it doesn't
sound like much,

but it's a character issue,
you understand, George?

I mean, just go ask Gary Hart
about the character issue.

- Well, I, it's just not true.

It's it's it's it's it's

- Just not true?

- Who told you this?

Was it Duckworth?

- George, it's a joke.

He's joking.

- Oh.

- He's right, George,
but you didn't know that,

and you were properly indignant.

Good for you.

- Well, a man's golf game
should never fall into question.

Wars were fought over less.

- Excuse me, gentlemen, may I
have the honor of this dance?

- Of course, Daddy.

- Gentlemen, I am a lucky man.

- You're a doofus.

- You don't have
to do it, you know.

In fact, if you have
any doubts at all,

I'd rather you didn't.

- Is it that obvious?

I keep waiting to feel
something special, something

primal.

I wait, and I hope, and
it's just not there, Daddy.

I know I'm just a spoiled brat

who's gotten everything
she's ever wanted.

Settling down is the
best thing for me.

- Your mother and I,

we had a long,
wonderful marriage.

When she died, I tell
you from my heart,

I loved her so
deeply, so completely,

but when we first were together,

things were very primal.

I think that feeling
has to be there first

before the rest can come.

(soft jazz music)

- So, you're doin'
a story on a girl

who's worth $20 million.

- No, I'm doing a
story on her fiance.

- Uh huh, you know,
Russell, if I find out

that you're here
to break them up,

I'll sew your eyelids shut

- Hey come on, what kinda
guy do you think I am?

Don't answer that, okay?

- I think you're a guy
lookin' for a meal ticket.

(throat clearing)

- Excuse me, sir, can I cut in?

- Get lost.

- Don't be that way,
Daddy, it's okay.

- Your dad hates my
guts, doesn't he?

- He liked it when you got hit.

Is something the matter?

You seem quiet.

- Oh, I can be
quiet, too, you know?

- I know.

- I can feel a whole
range of human emotions.

- Of course you can.

- Yeah well, tell
that to Hanson.

I may not be perfect, but ah

- Oh!

(laughing)

- You're not an animal.

You're a human being?

- Well, I like to think so.

- You know what Russell?

You're loud.

You're obnoxious.

You're a slime.

You make enemies
by the metric ton.

- Oh well, look, thanks
for cheerin' me up.

I'm just gonna go
drink some Windex now.

- You're also unpredictable.

- Well...

- Funny.

Incredibly loyal in
a scary kinda way.

Face it, Russell,
you are an original.

- Ah, but have you seen this?

Woo, woo, woo woo, woo, woo!

(Louise laughing)

- Vodka, straight up.

- How ya doin'?

- You know, if it weren't
absolutely ridiculous,

I might think your
friend is trying

to move in on my daughter.

- She would never go
for him, would she?

- Never.

- Good.

- So, who are you?

I mean, half this group
thinks you're Robert Wendell,

the other half thinks you're
some sort of secret agent.

- Actually, I'm just a cop, sir.

Tom Hanson.

- Oh, pleasure, hi,
good strong right hand.

You know how to throw it, too.

- Not well enough.

He got up, didn't he?

- (laughing) Still,
it's a pleasure to meet

a young man with passion
and with red blood

coursing through his veins.

- Yeah, but you
know what gets me?

He ruins my life, I
come here, I smack him,

he still gets his way.

- Hanson, from what I've
seen, a guy like Buckins

just needs a man like
you to set him straight.

- Or to stop him.

Here's to it.

- Russ?

Are you okay?

You look a bit green.

- No, no, I'm fine.

George,

well, I'm gonna tell you.

No, I'm sorry.

Never mind.

Forget it.

- Russell,

what is it?

You can tell me.

- George, this goes
against every ounce

of journalistic
ethics in my body.

- Russell, it's okay.

I consider us friends.

- George, you are
marrying into a family

that is about to explode
over the front page

of every supermarket
tabloid in this country.

- I'm not following you, Russ.

- Hunt Samperton, George.

It has been alleged ,
and I emphasize alleged,

that his companies are
making tens of millions

of dollars selling baby
products in medicines.

- That doesn't sound so bad.

- These medicines,
these vaccines,

are placebos, nothing more
than worthless sugar water.

- My God, that's insidious!

Who's been buying this stuff?

- Third world countries,
mostly African.

- Thank God for that.

I mean, it's still horrible,
but, but, but, but.

Well in any case, I'll
need to do some checking.

- This story might break as
soon as tomorrow, George.

- Ah.

- You still have time to
shield yourself, George.

You're a good man.

- Russell, now that
friend of yours,

the Secret Service man?

That's why he's here, isn't it?

- Maybe it's just a coincidence.

Shh.

- Ah, right.

Louise?

- Emeralds, hi.

- We need to talk.

- Sure.

- I mean, privately.

- Eh, I just got a
brainstorm, Tommy.

I'm gonna take all
these swells bowling.

They're gonna love
it, and then I'll show

'em really how to
have a good time.

- You did it, didn't you?

- What?

- These people are
fixing up for a wedding,

and then the slime king
reared his ugly head.

- Hey man, I don't know
what you're talkin' about.

You been drinkin'?

- [Tom] You make me
sick to my stomach!

- What kinda thing
is that to say?

- Don't play games
with me, mister,

because I know you're
after that 20 million.

- Hey, that's not true.

- Liar!

- Tom, look man,
you're wrong about me.

- Don't try and tell
me you didn't break up

this wedding,
because I am capable

of uncontrollable violence!

- Look man, I may have
said something to put

the groom's situation
into perspective,

but believe me, Tom, I did it
for the nobleist of reasons.

- Uh huh.

- I'm in love with Louise.

- Don't make me puke.

- No, Tom, I swear it's true.

I love her, and you know,
I think she likes me, too.

- Okay, let me ask
you a question.

Louise comes to
you without a dime,

you still want her?

- Yeah, but she doesn't, Tom.

Can I help that?

- You're a dead man, Russell.

(upbeat music)

So did George say why
he canceled the wedding?

- No, he was just acting
so weird and evasive.

He said he didn't think
it was a good idea

for us to merge at this point.

- Merge?

- I guess he just
changed his mind.

- You know, someone
might've changed it for him.

- (laughing) You know,
it doesn't matter, Tom.

Now that it's over, I can't
believe it ever got this far.

- Are you gonna make
an announcement?

- Now that I'm not
getting married,

I think I could finally enjoy
the wedding festivities.

(laughing) Does
that make any sense?

- Louise.
- Ooh, I feel so in control

of my life, you know.

Everything seems so clear.

What I want.

- Which is?

Love and coconuts?

- And little grass huts.

- You know, George
didn't really look like

the grass hut type.

(Louise laughing)

- I want a guy who
makes me laugh.

A guy who'll get me a
hamster on my birthday

or mow the lawn
in his underwear.

I want a guy like Russell.

- [Tom] Russell Buckins!

So you understand what
I'm saying, right?

- Yeah, and I can't
thank you enough, Tom.

- You know, Louise, it's
just, I care about you.

- I know, and you're
the only one who's

made me realize
how I really feel.

(gentle music)

(upbeat music)

(snoring)

(hand knocking)

- I had to take a cab.

Why'd you leave me there?

- I couldn't find you.

So, what'd you do at
Samperton's last night?

- Nothin' much.

- You know, I forgot to ask you.

How's Jackie?

You two sounded pretty serious.

- Jackie's fine, and
it's not serious.

- Hmm, well lookit, I
think tomorrow morning

we'll get up early,
have a little breakfast,

then I'll take ya
to the airport, huh?

- I'm not leavin' without you.

- Come on, Tommy, I'll
be hot on your heels.

Look, I been thinkin',
it's a good idea to get

a head start back
there, you know?

Grease the wheels
of the review board,

tell 'em what a--

- Slime ball you were for
burnin' your best friend.

- That's right, but you
should tell 'em first.

- You got a point.

- Atta boy.

- Except there's another
party at Louise's tomorrow,

and I thought I'd stay for it.

- Well, I'd like to
have ya, I really would,

but I'm just not sure how
long I can keep this room.

- Well, Hunt says he's
got plenty of room

for me if I need it.

- Yeah, well, Hunt said
the same thing to me,

but you know me, I
like my own place.

Look, what happened with
Louise and Woodhouse was fate.

- Eh, it was sabotage.

- Yeah, but if they were
really meant for each other,

than nothing would
have shaken them apart.

- Doesn't mean she
was meant for you.

- So, it's war.

(classical music)

(dog yelping)

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is the pooch okay?

- Why don't you learn
how to play the game

before you go hurting an
innocent animal, you barbarian!

- Hey, lighten up,
lady, at least I didn't

croak the old bag of germs.

- Oh!

- Nice shot.

- Ah, nice outfit.

Why don't you pay a
waiter or something.

Get some decent clothes.

You're embarrassing me.

- Hi, guys.

- Hi.

- Tom, you look great,
what a wonderful idea.

- Well, thanks.

I thought I'd bring a
little color out here.

- Hello, Louise.

- Russell, nice hat.

- I believe it's your shot.

I'll warn the canines.

(throat clearing)

- Is it just me, or is it
a little cold for croquet?

- Oh, don't be a wimp, Thomas.

- He's right.

It's damn freezing out here.

- I got an idea.

You folks ever gone bowling?

- Yes, madam.

Oh yes, I believe one
is supposed to insert

one's fingers in
the holes, madam.

- But what in the
world am I aiming for?

- I believe one aims for
those bottle-shaped things

at the end of the boardwalk.

(ball thudding)

(man gasping)

Thank you, madam.

- Oy, mummy!

- Ah son, you are
my kind of thinker,

innovative, enthusiastic,
a real winner.

- Just like his grandfather.

- Plus, he is impressively
quick on his feet.

This bowling party
was a great idea.

We could use a young man
like this, MacKenzie.

- Absolutely, your future's
very bright, Wendell.

- That's good to know, sir.

- This was my idea, you thief.

- And a damn good idea it was.

- Listen, Louise, I
was thinkin', I haven't

had a chance to talk to you.

Why don't we split this place?

I got us a table
at the Tower Club.

- I'm not really in the mood
for the Tower Club, Russell.

Tom says that
bowling alleys make

the greatest greasy
cheeseburgers.

- Can I speak with
you a moment, Tom?

You are a slime, man.

Nothing I have done to
you, the suspensions,

the tattoos, the time I
signed you up for the Navy.

- You did that?

- None of it comes close!

You're movin' in on the
only girl I ever loved.

I mean, you're stabbin'
me in the back, man.

- How does it feel, Russell?

- Oh wait, so this
is what this is.

This is revenge?

I thought I was the only guy
that did stuff like that.

- You broke them up.

You left her fair game.

- Yeah, but not so
a dead eye like you

can come around and pick her up.

You know, I really
love that girl.

- Besides, I've been
thinkin', maybe you're right.

- About what?

- Livin' for
yourself, not worryin'

about what other people think.

I mean, I bust my butt for
a coupla bucks a month.

And you know Louise
is, she's a great girl,

but listen, Russell, let's
face it, she's very liquid.

- Tommy, this is me.

I'm tellin' ya the
truth about how I feel.

You're killin' me, man.

- Doesn't mean I don't
love you, Russell.

- Louise, can I talk
to you for a second?

- [Louise] Of course.

- Louise, I gotta
tell you something,

and this goes against every
moral bone in my body,

but I'm gonna tell you anyway.

It's about Tom.

- Oh Russell, you are so lucky.

I've only known him a
short amount of time--

- Well, you're
probably better off.

- He asked me to marry him.

- I just hope you haven't
gotten too attached to him.

He what?

- We're gonna announce it
at dinner tomorrow night,

and I want you to be there
to share our happiness.

(Russell choking)

(dramatic music)

- [Russell] Thanks
for coming, Jackie.

You're doin' the right thing.

- [Jackie] Russell,
you begged me.

You were crying.

Now tell me what's
wrong with Tom.

- Jackie.

What are you doin' here?

- Jackie, I'd like
to introduce you

to the future Mrs. Tom Hanson.

- What?

- While you were down
bustin' your butt

in the halls of
justice, your boyfriend

was foolin' around
behind your back.

- Louise, is this true?

- Yes, Daddy, we were foo,

I mean, Tom has asked
me to marry him.

- I don't know why this
was kept secret from me,

but I couldn't be happier.

This is a celebration after all.

- Come on, do something.

Fight for your man.

- Tom,

Tom is this what
you really want?

- Jackie, I'm really sorry
it had to happen this way.

- Well naturally, I'm sorry
it didn't work out between us,

but you two look
so right together,

I'm sure you'll be very happy.

- Jackie, I'm so glad
I got to meet you.

Won't you stay for dinner?

- That'd be
wonderful, thank you.

- That's it?

- Dinner is served.

- One more for dinner, Martin.

- [Martin] Yes, sir.

- That's it?

- And how long have
you known Wendell?

- Who's Wendell?

- Oh (laughing)

(glass tinkling)

- I would like to
propose a toast

to my beautiful daughter
Louise and the newest

future member of the
Samperton family, Tom Hanson.

May you live happily ever after.

- Here, here.

- Here, here.

(glass tinkling and breaking)

Something on your mind, Buckins?

- There is.

Look, I realize this
may not be the most

appropriate time to do this,

as we celebrate Louise
and Tommy's engagement,

but

Louise, will you marry me?

- [Louise] (laughing)
Russell, you're so funny.

- No, I'm kidding, Louise.

Look, I think, you
know, I think I may

have gone about this
thing the wrong way.

I just hope it's not too late.

Look, Tom is a great
guy, and I love him,

but we have something
special, Louise,

something, well you can't
put your finger on it.

Something that hits
maybe once in a lifetime.

- Russell, you
don't care about me.

You just want a rich debutante.

- Louise, I'm not joking.

I love you.

I don't care about the money.

- Don't listen to him, Louise.

He only cares about himself.

- That's not true.

Baby, I'd do anything for you.

I'd even get a real job.

Please,

marry me, Louise.

I'll love you forever.

- Do you mean it, Russell?

- If I'm lying, Louise,
may God strike me dead

right here and now.

(tense music)

- Yes, I'll marry you.

- Louise, Louise,
what's going on here?

What are you doing?

What about Tom?

- No, no, it's
all right, really.

- Daddy, I know this
is all kind of a shock,

but I really do love him.

- Louise!

Louise, understand
you've just come through

a very distressing period.

Take some time, reconsider.

- I don't need any time, Daddy.

I've got all the
time in the world.

(upbeat music)

(hand knocking)

- Come in.

- You wanted to see me, Dad?

- Sit down, Russell.

In the first place,
Russell, if you ever

call me Dad again, I
will react violently.

In all probability,
I will attack you

with some sort of weapon.

- Yes, I- I- I understand, sir.

- Good.

I must admit, you had me fooled.

I had you down simply as some
sort of clown or buffoon,

but evidently you must
have a great deal more

on the ball to convince
my daughter that she

has any feelings towards you.

- Well, I understand
how you feel, sir.

You're a,

a rich man, an
incredibly rich man.

Obviously, you're
worried that I'm only

in it for the money.

- But you're not, are you?

- Do you believe in love
at first sight, sir?

(laughing)

Five hundred thousand dollars!

- That's your payoff, Buckins.

Invest wisely, and
you can retire on it.

Take it and leave right now.

I'll explain things to Louise.

- I can't take it, sir.

- What's your price, Buckins,

$750,000, $1 million?

- I, I, I, I think I better go.

- No, you can't leave right now.

I haven't finished
talking to you.

- Sir, you can't change my mind.

- I guess he really
does love you.

- I know he does, Tom.

And now I know he
loves me just for me.

- Are you sure you
want him, Louise?

I mean, you know
Russell Buckins is not

the easiest guy in the
world to live with.

- Yeah, he's a strange
bird, but he is what I want.

- Good luck.

- Thanks for everything.

- Sure.

- Louise, he is nothing
but a goldbricker,

don't you see that?

- Daddy, he's not.

- I'm not, sir, I'm in
love with your daughter.

- You're in love with her money.

Louise, I'm sorry.

The only way I
know to protect you

in the long run is to cut
you off without a dime.

Buckins, know that if
you marry my daughter,

she comes to you
without a penny.

- Daddy, I know
you're trying to help,

but we don't care about
money, do we Russell?

- No, the money
means nothing to us.

As long as we have each
other, we'll live on love.

- In a grass hut.

- A grass hut?

(Hunt sighing)

(classical music)

Woo!

So, you and Louise, the
whole thing was a setup, huh?

You two planned this
whole number just to

see if my intentions
were honorable, huh?

- Well, you know, Louise did.

- Well why'd you do it?

- Revenge.

- Hanson, nice to
see you back, man.

- Hey, man.

- I can't believe
Buckins actually came

through for you at
the review board.

- Well, he's a changed man.

He took all the blame.

He laid it on so thick they

apologized for suspending me.

- Well, congratulations.

- That's great, man.

I mean, it's always nice
to see justice served.

- Yeah.

- So where is Mr. Integrity?

- [Tom] Right where I want him.

- [Russell] Honey, I'm home.

- Honey, did you spread
the elephant dung

over the garden yet?

- No, dear, but I
will as soon as I read

the boxscores for the 35th time.

- Don't worry, Russell,
I'm sure the newspaper

will come next month.

Are you happy?

- Oh yes, pumpkin.

- You don't regret
any of this, do you?

- As long as I'm
with you, sweetheart.

- I feel the same way.

- Uh, honey, have you heard
from your father lately?

- No, why?

- Just asking,
dear, just asking.

(light music)

Yeah, but I got the girl.

(gentle music)

(moves to rock music)

? Jump

? Jump

? Jump

(fanfare music)

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