Original subtitles

���

- There are two kinds of people in this world:

cool people who do cool things and have cool names

like Johnny Gorgeous.

And people who watch movies about cool people named Johnny Gorgeous.

That's me, Nicholas Borelli the Second,

and I'm going to be spending my summer at math camp.

- This is great for you, Nicholas. Really. Vanderton will

give you an opportunity to break out of your shell for once.

- I don't want to break out of my shell.

- Of course you don't. Otherwise

you'd finally come with me to extreme camp this summer. Unh!

- Look, I like my shell, OK? It keeps me safe and... and dry.

Hey, where would turtles be without their shells, huh?

- They'd be awesome lizards!

You gotta man up. Be less... Nicholas.

More... Johnny Gorgeous. Look at him!

Do you think he cares about turtles? No way.

(siren and gunshots)

(laughing)

- You're late!

- I had business.

- What kind of business? - You're looking at

a made guy, Lorraine. - Oh, Johnny.

I'm so proud of ya.

- It's all diamonds and champagne from here, Lorraine.

- Johnny Gorgeous is

exciting and dangerous. Girls love that stuff.

- Look, Josh, I do just fine in the lady department,

all right? - Yeah, this coming

from the guy who went to Winter Formal with his mom.

- She's a good dancer, OK?

I'll admit, no one was gonna confuse me for Johnny Gorgeous.

But I didn't exactly come

from an exciting neighborhood, or exciting parents.

My dad is a germaphobe.

- Really rub that in, Nicholas. That's it,

burn those little germs!

- And my mom can actually remove the flavor from food.

- Voila! Organic turkey,

gluten-free brown rice, with brown gravy.

- But they meant well, and that was just fine that

the only adventure I got came from our backyard vacations.

- Here we are in the tropics without having

to go anywhere! - Then came the call that set

everything into motion. - Hello.

Yes, Mr. Johnson. Of course, Mr. Johnson.

Goodbye, Mr. Johnson. - Who was that?

- That was Mr. Johnson. You and I are going

to Papua New Guinea next week--

for a work seminar! - Well, what about Nicholas?

- Yep, my comfortably predictable world was about

to get turned on its head,

and turned into the adventure of a lifetime.

Pretty soon, this shy, awkward kid from the suburbs

named Nicholas Borelli the Second would become...

(buzzing)

(glass shattering)

(bubbling and creaking)

- Oh?

- (PA): We have a code red... - It's awful.

They have to replace all the plumbing, so math camp is

cancelled. They shut down every single bathroom--

- [Try to stay calm, son.] We can't get you out here for at least a week.

- So what am I gonna do?

- Look, your mother and I have called everyone we could

[possibly call to help.] and Nana was busted trying to sneak extra pudding

[again, so she lost visitor privileges.]

- Oh, Nana. So...?

- You're going to your other grandmother's.

- I've never met another grandmother.

- Don't be ridiculous. You met her.

- No, I didn't. [You don't forget a thing like that.]

- Look, Nicholas. My family is, um...

[Well, it's a long story.]

But now... I have no choice.

- Where are you sending me? - [Just take down this address:]

[8831 16th Ave., Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.]

- While you're there, be a good boy. But don't eat any of the food! It's all poison!

- [Just lock yourself in your room. And, Nicholas,]

stay as far away from your Uncle Frankie as possible.

- I have an uncle?! - [Yes.]

And he's a blight on society! He's no good!

[He's a blight!]

We'll call you soon.

(truck horn)

(siren)

(vehicles honking)

(siren) (fire truck horn)

(bicycle bell)

(glass shattering) (dog barking)

(kids laughing)

- Ah!

- It's the feds! (kids screaming) - No, that's not--

- Good luck, kid. You're gonna need it.

- Please don't leave me here! You can't do that! OK.

(man speaking Italian)

- What country is this?

- (girl): You need help, kid? You look new.

- Yeah, you could say tha--

Whoa. - Uh, well, welcome.

I'm Donna.

- I'm... heh, I'm Nicholas.

Borelli the Second.

- Nicholas. I like that.

Let me give you a five-cent tour of the neighborhood.

- Oh, yeah, that'd be... that'd be helpful.

- No problem. I hate seein' people look lost. It just makes 'em look stupid.

- Yeah. - OK, so, if you're ever hungry,

there's only one place to go: Salvino's Pizzeria.

It's the greatest slices in Brooklyn,

I swear on my mother's life-- and I love my mother. You love your mother?

Of course you love your mother- you're Italian.

Uh, blazer boy, you might wanna turn around.

- My stuff!

- Hey, jerks, get lost! (kids laughing)

See you around, kid.

- Yeah.

Um, excuse me?

Wow, OK. Uh, yeah, you're impressively tall.

Chance of nose being broken: 100%.

- Rocco Caparelli, you'd better think

twice about what you're gonna do next.

- Yes, Mrs. Borelli.

- Benvenuto a Brooklyn, Nicholas!

- Uh, Grandma?

- Yeah, but call me Tutti. Grandma sounds like

I already got a foot in the grave.

You look just like your Grandpa Aldo!

God rest. Hey, come on.

Let's get you upstairs and get you fed.

Ooh, I'm so excited you're here!

I've set you up in your father's old room.

Oh, Nicholas. It's so nice to see you in person.

Those videos your mom sends don't do you justice. - What videos?

- Your uncle and I just love them,

especially the Math Boy video. You look

so adorable in tights.

(Italian music playing)

- Wow.

- What, you never been in a kitchen before?

- Not like this. We mostly eat gluten-free,

fat-free health foods at home.

- Il mio dio del cielo.

- Mom's cooking's not THAT bad, once you get used

to the texture... and how chewy it all--

Mm! - How does it taste?

- Aw! Ho-ho!

- Your pop, my Nick, he loved

my meatballs. Hey!

Only one before dinner. You go wash up.

(singing in Italian)

(squeaky toy)

- All right, kid,

you got to the count of three to explain who you are.

- Uh... - One... two...

- A toilet exploded, math camp cancelled, Nana pudding, I'm Nicholas Borelli the Second.

- Three!

Sorry, I dropped this.

Relax, kid. I'm just messing with ya. I know who you are. I'm your Uncle Frankie.

Your pops ever talk about me? - Yeah,

he mentioned you for the first time about an hour ago.

He, uh, said that you're "a blight on society".

- That sounds like Big Nick all right.

- Can I go? I'm pretty sure I need to change my underwear.

- First you gotta come over here and give your uncle a big hug.

Come on. A big hug.

- O-OK.

- What's a matter with you? Trying to hug me while I'm in the tub. Who does that?

- But you said I should hug you. - I'm just kiddin' ya, Nicholas.

Man, you gotta relax. You're too high-strung. Now come over here,

gimme a hug.

How many times do I gotta tell ya?!

You don't hug a man while he's taking a bath.

Now get outta here! Go on. - OK.

(chuckling) (passing gas)

Well,

I really do look like my Grandpa Aldo.

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

Ah! Ah!

- What do you think you're doin'?

- I... I thought it... I thought it was my parents.

My word, you're... pink. - Don't you ever answer this phone.

This is a business phone, and this phone ain't your business.

Capiche? Understand?

- I'm assuming "capiche" means "understand," so... so, yes, sir,

I-I capiche.

- Yo.

Yeah. Just gettin' ready. Relax.

I got it all right here.

Another big pickup at 2am tonight.

Fuggetaboutit.

- He actually said "fuggetaboutit,"

[Josh. Can you believe that?] - Of course he talks that way.

You know why? Because your uncle's in the mob!

He's a wise guy, a made man!

[I'm so jealous!]

My Uncle's a milkman. A milkman! I mean, who still does that?

- No way. I mean, my Uncle Frankie's not in the mob.

- Sure, because guys who aren't in the mob always carry around rolls of cash in duffel bags.

[Come on, man!] This is straight out of Johnny Gorgeous!

- Maybe he's a banker. - A banker? Really?

Is that why you called me all freaked out?

- I don't know what to do, Josh. I'm out of my element here.

- That's good! Maybe you'll actually have some fun

[for a change! Listen,] just relax, enjoy Brooklyn,

and try really hard not to get yourself killed.

- Thanks, thanks. You've been a tremendous help.

- No problem, buddy.

Woo! (crash!)

Ah! Ah! Ah! My arm!

(vehicle honking)

- (Nicholas' dad): He's a blight on society! He's no good! He's a blight!

- Ah! Oof!

(car starting and driving away)

- (radio): Early this morning, a shipping warehouse was broken into.

Among the items stolen were various television sets, medical supplies,

and fencing material used to keep horses still

- Good morning, Tutti. - Nicholas, buongiorno!

Sit! Eat! - This is the fight such

robbery in recent weeks, the criminals still at large.

- Can you believe it? It's pazzo. Crazy.

- It's a crying shame, ain't it?

- I hope those creeps pay. - Yeah.

Me too.

All right, I'm gonna take a shower,

then you and I are gonna take a walk, Nicholas.

- You know, I actually have some clothes that need unpacking and pants that need-- Yep! Yep!

Let's walk. Let's stretch the ol' walkin' sticks.

Ow! Ah. OK. I'm sorry.

- (Frankie): Nicholas, this is Bensonhurst, the greatest place in the world.

- Hi, Mr. Borelli. - Hey, girls.

- Hey, Frankie. What's up? - How you doin', my man? Good to see ya.

That there is Hot Towel Harry's--best straight shave in all of Brooklyn.

Over there is Sallie Stitches. Nobody cuts a suit like Sallie Stitches.

Hey, uh, Nicholas,

does Mario Perrino go to your math camp?

- No. A bunch of kids stole some of my stuff when I got here.

- No, they didn't. Hey, Perrino!

Gimme the jacket! - I found it!

- Yeah, guess what else you're about to find?

Oh, pleasure to meet you, Nicholas Borelli. Let's go.

Come on! Hurry up.

Who else?

Come on, give it up! Come on!

All o' ya, come on!

Come on. Gimme that.

I see anybody harassing my nephew here,

and they got trouble with me. Now beat it!

I don't like people messin' with my family.

This, my friend, is the Farinelli Bakery.

They got a cannoli here you'd kill for--

hypothetically speakin', of course.

Hey, Donna. How's that TV working out for your ma?

- Real good, Mr. Borelli. She said to say--

Oh, hey. New kid.

- You guys, uh, know each other?

- Uh, yeah, uh, I met her when I got dropped off.

- Not a bad first person to meet, huh? - Ow.

- She's a pretty girl, right?

- Dude.

(Nicholas chuckles awkwardly.) See ya.

- How you doing, guys? - Frankie!

- Good to see ya.

Uh, come inside, Nicholas. I want to introduce you to my compadres,

my friends. You know,

my partners in crime.

Come on.

- Oh! Read 'em and weep, ladies. Full boat.

- Ah! - Bada bing.

- Yo, fellas!

- (guys): Frankie!

- Who's he?

Internal Revenue Service? - Looks more like a fed to me.

- With those slacks? No way. He's a professional golfer all the way.

- Which is it, kid? IRS?

- I'm, uh-- - FBI?

- I don't, uh-- - PGA?

- Uh... forget about it?

(guys laughing)

- Hey, I like this kid. - Yeah.

- But what'd you do, rob a drycleaner or somethin'?

- N-No.

- Boys, this is my nephew, Nicholas. My brother Nicky's kid.

- He looks just like his Grandpa Aldo.

- (guys): God rest. - Nicholas, this here is

Charlie Cement. This is Oscar the Undertaker.

And that big refrigerator over there, that's Jimmy the Iceman. - Hey, easy. You know

I got an eating problem. I can't stop eating!

(guys laughing)

- It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm Nicholas Borelli

the Second.

- Nicholas the Second? What kinda name is that?

- What's with all this handshaking business, kid? You want to say hi to somebody

here, try this. Come here.

Hey, Oscar! How you doin'?

Eh?

- OK. Um...

Hey! How's it going?

- (guys): Oh! Oh!

- Slow down, kid! We ain't datin'.

- It's the cheeks, kid. Not the lips!

- Ah, I'm so sorry. - Oh, man.

- So, uh, Charlie, Sunday's the big day.

You wanna back out, now's the time.

- I ain't backin' outta nothin'. (phone ringing) - Good man.

Comes a time in everyone's life where they gotta man up and take charge.

- (Jimmy): Hello. - It'll be the same for you too one day, Nicholas.

- Hey, yo, Frankie. Phone call. - Take a message, I'm in the middle of something.

- It's Paulie.

- Yo, Tommy. Get out here.

This is Frankie's nephew,

Nicholas Borelli-- the Second.

(guys chuckling) Do me a favor. Show him around the neighborhood.

- Yeah. Sure. Come on, kid.

- Hey, boss. Yeah, sure thing.

Clean up from last night? No problem.

I'm on it.

- Yeah, so I'm a pretty big deal around here. I'm basically your uncle's number-two guy.

- Oh, yeah? - Uh, well, right now, I'm moving boxes and cleaning out

the back and stuff, but I'm working my way up.

Pretty soon this whole neighborhood will be mine!

How you doin'?

I'm starving. Let's go fishing.

- Fishing? In... in Brooklyn?

(Tommy chuckles.)

- Watch and learn from the master fisherman.

Hoo!

All right.

Come to Papa. - What if he sees us?

- Ah, baldy loves this game. It's like cat and mouse,

except the mouse is a sausage.

Ooh! Look at that. Mm!

Oh, yeah. Now you try.

- Oh. OK.

Just like that? - Yep.

- OK... almost... got it. - Hey, watch your line.

You're all over the place, man.

Oh!

- What the? Hey!

Hey! Hey, you kids! What are you doing up there? Come down here!

- Sir, I am so sorry.

I didn't mean to hook your very realistic-looking hair.

- Abort! Abort! - OK.

- Hey! Gimme my wig back!

You see some kids come by here? One of them carrying some hair?

- Yeah. I saw them. They went that way. - Oh. Thanks.

I'm gonna get you kids!

- You can come out now, boys.

- Watch yourself, man. - Ow. Watch the hands.

Hey, hey. - Come on. What's wrong with you?

- Phew. That was a... that was a close one. Uh,

thanks for that, by the way. - Yeah, no problem.

- It's 3 o'clock! I gotta go pick up Charlie Cement's fungus cream!

- Ugh. - I told you.

I'm working my way up.

(Nicholas chuckles awkwardly.)

- Ooh, uh, Algebra II.

Fun stuff. - Fun? Summer school's not fun.

Stupid math. What's the point?

- Actually, you need math in your...

everyday life.

I could teach you.

You know, I'm pretty good with numbers.

- Oh, yeah?

And what's in it for you?

- I teach you math, and you teach me how to fit in around here.

(laughing)

Yeah. OK.

- Oh. You were serious. - Yeah.

You teach me to how to act tough, how to dress, and how to be more like

my Uncle Frankie. And, in exchange, I'll...

help you with your... polynomial functions.

- OK, first off, you don't actually have to be tough;

you just gotta sound tough. - I can sound tough.

- And to sound tough,

there's a very easy way to do that.

You just answer a question with another question.

- Answer a question with a question? - Yeah.

Someone says, "What are you lookin' at?" You say, "I don't know,

what are YOU lookin' at?" Show some attitude. Step up, be a man.

- OK. OK, how about when--

- Zip! Your turn.

- You're right, you're right. Uh, OK, let's see

where you're at. Um... OK, so,

the x value times two-- - Deuce.

- What? - Instead of using the actual word, we use slang.

Here "two" is "deuce".

That's a freebee for ya. you only get one.

- Thank you. OK, um, so, with this, you would... you would

subtract the x from here, and then carry it on over...

and then you can, uh, square root it...

[He called them his partners in crime.]

- Dude, do you not see what's going on?

[The Undertaker doesn't bury 'em; he kills them! The Iceman chills them,]

and Cement seals 'em up so that they're never seen again.

And your uncle? He's running the whole show.

- I don't think so. There's some guy named Paulie. I think my uncle works for him.

- Paulie must be the Don! Il Capo! The godfather!

[Your uncle's his lieutenant!] Just like Johnny Gorgeous.

- That's just a movie.

- No, it's real! And you're living it!

This is awesome, Nicholas! - [Well, it was cool]

when Uncle Frankie made those jerks give me my clothes back.

- Yes! That's what I'm saying!

And you're family. That means you're in.

- Well, I don't know if I'm "in".

- Look, if you're gonna be in the mob, you're gonna need a better gangster name,

because Nicholas Borelli the Second isn't cutting it. [Something, you know, like...]

Nicky Awesome, or, uh,

Nicky Half-Pipe! - Nicky Half-Pipe?

- Sorry, I'm just... I'm just lookin' around.

Nicky Spruce Tree! Or...

[Oh, oh! Nicky Raccoon Family!] - Please stop looking around.

- Look, I gotta go. Call me when you're on the inside and give me the deets.

- Wait, wait. Josh, Josh. There's this girl.

- [So, what're you waiting for?]

Johnny Gorgeous always gets the girl.

Ah... ah... Ah! Ah!

Ah! My other arm!

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

- (Frankie): Comes a time in everyone's life where they gotta man up and take charge.

- (Josh): Break out of your shell for once. - (Donna): Show some attitude.

- (Johnny Gorgeous): You're looking at a made guy, Lorraine.

(phone ringing)

- (tough voice) Yo.

- Yo, who's this? - Uh, I don't know. Who's this?

- Excuse me? You some kind of smart guy or something?

- I don't know. Are YOU some kind of smart guy or something?

- You gonna tell me who this is? - Are YOU gonna tell me who THIS is?

- What's the matter with this guy? Every time I ask him

a question, he answers with another question. - Carmine. Gimme the phone.

- This is Paulie.

[To whom do I have the pleasure] of speaking with?

- Uh, this is Frankie's new guy. New guy.

I usually work the Midwest. - Mm-hmm.

Where the heck's Frankie? - He's seeing our friend about the thing.

- OK, good. Our friend needs some talkin' to.

- Don't he always?

- [All right, listen here.] I got a job for you. You interested?

- Do you think I'm interested? - [Stop with the questions.] - Yes, sir.

- Yeah. Take this down.

(siren) (baby crying)

- Look, I don't know about this, Nicholas.

- You said you wanted to work your way up. You know, run the neighborhood one day.

- Yeah, I say a lot of things, Nicholas.

Like one time I said I was gonna eat 20 cheeseburgers in under a minute.

I got two down and I threw up all over the yard!

(tires screeching) (dog barking)

- We're just picking something up. Piece of cake.

- Since when did you become such a tough guy?

- I told you not to have that third lemonade before we left.

- I can't help it. I get thirsty when I'm nervous. - Who is it? What do you want?

- Um... uh, we're here for Paulie.

- Paulie? You never said nothing about Paulie. - Did I forget to mention that?

- Yes, you did! Look, I can't be working for no Paulie. My mom will kill me!

- Are...

...are you Bobby Eggs? Uh, Paulie sent us.

- What are you, kidding me?

What are you doing? What's with him?

- Uh... I gotta use the can.

- That's nice. What's that got to do with me?

- Uh, c-c-could I use your washroom?

- You nuts? Go use the one down the hall.

Get outta here.

- S-So, um...

like I was saying, um... Paulie sent us. - This must be

Paulie's idea of some sick joke, right? Well, you tell him

I don't have it right now, so go have a cupcake, kid. - No, wait, Mr. Eggs, please!

- Ugh! - Oh! Oh, man. Oh, man.

I-I-I-I am so sorry. Um, ice.

You need ice. - Ugh!

What are you doing?

I don't need any ice. Ugh! Ow!

- I don't see any ice. Who doesn't have ice?

(sizzling) - Ah!

- Hm. (Bobby groaning)

- I found some frozen tilapia.

How old IS this?

Hey, Mr. Eggs, you dropped something.

- Ugh!

- Oh! Oh, man.

Geez, Mr. Eggs, are you OK? Looks like you took a nasty spill.

- No, please, please. That's enough, that's enough. Just stay away from me.

Here, take it, take it. Just... tell Paulie I'm sorry.

It's all there. Count it. It's all there.

- Wow, you found it!

Uh, are you sure

you don't need help? - Please... leave.

- OK.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just tell me one thing.

Who the heck are you? - Oh, I'm, I'm Nichol--

They call me Nicky.

Nicky Deuce.

- What happened here?

Come on, we gotta drop this off.

(door slammed shut)

- Ugh!

I shoulda let him use the bathroom.

- Mmm. Ho!

Oh, this is so good, Tutti.

What do you call this? - Spaghetti and meatballs?

- Oh. - What does your mother feed you?

So, Donna Farinelli?

She's a great girl. I think you should

take her to the Santo Pietro festival. That's where I met your Grandpa Aldo.

- (both) God rest. - I wish he could see you

all grown up now. He would be so proud.

And my Frankie too.

So handsome!

- Hey, Ma, my ears are burnin'. - Frankie!

Grab yourself a plate. I made all your favorites.

- Ah, no thanks, Ma. I ain't hungry. Me and the boys ate after the job.

Ah, you know, maybe I'll have a little ziti.

Thanks, Ma.

- He takes such good care of me.

I don't know what I'd do without him.

(TV on) (stomach rumbling)

- (TV): And here they come, folks,

the horses in full stride. They're rounding the corners.

Everyone's jockeying for position,

but none of the horses managing to break away quite yet.

- Hey, uh, where you been, Uncle Frankie?

- Hey, you see that horse in the back?

Name is SteviesBiscuit. He's gonna win.

- SteviesBiscuit? - Yeah, people like to give their horses weird names.

- But that horse has no chance of winning. He's too far behind.

- (TV): The field is bunched up. It's a full house. But wait a second.

SteviesBiscuit is coming on strong after the final turn.

SteviesBiscuit moving from dead last to ahead of the pack!

Will it, can it? Yes, it can!

SteviesBiscuit wins the race by a length! And that's

SteviesBiscuit, a 75 to 1 long shot, that takes the prize.

How can a horse go from last place to first place in no time flat?

And who on earth would have bet on that horse to win? - Wow. Seventy-five to one.

You know, someone must have made a lot of money on that horse. - You know about odds, huh?

- Well, yeah, yeah. It's pretty basic math. I mean,

for every dollar someone bet on that horse, they won $75.

- And if they were to bet $10,000?

(Nicholas whistles.)

Yeah. (Frankie whistles.)

You know, your dad shoulda brought you around sooner.

��� - Those next few days were some of the best of my life.

In the morning's, I'd shop with Tutti. It was way different

than shopping with my mom, 'cause Tutti bought actual food.

- Ohhh! - There was a cheese guy...

- Ah! - ...and a bread guy. Ah! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!

A sausage guy. - You look familiar.

Have we met before? - Uh, no. No, no, no.

I'm new hair--here, here.

I'm new here.

You're bald.

I'd spend the afternoons helping Donna with her math homework,

and she'd teach me how to look like I came from the neighborhood. You know,

less pleat, more street.

- � Beautiful �

� I've sunshine enough to spread �

� It's just like the fella said �

� Tell me quick, ain't love a kick �

� In the head �

(laughing)

� Like a fella once said �

� Ain't that a kick in the head �

- I'm telling you, Josh, I'm a changed man.

- Dude, it's been like five days.

- Hot Towel Harry, you've outdone yourself.

Sembra buono. - [Who's Hot Towel Harry?]

Did you just speak Italian? What the what is going on, Nicholas?

- Whoa. It ain't Nicholas no more, I go by Nicky Deuce now. Capiche?

- Ugh! - Nicky Deuce?

Capiche? Ain't? - (boy): I can't feel my leg!

- Bro, you just used a double negative.

- OK, I love ya, pal, but I gotta go. Salute.

- � Beautiful �

- Hey. Anybody? I can't...

I can't hang up my phone.

- � Tell me quick �

� Ain't love a kick in the head �

- Come on! I'm not even playing!

- I was king of the world. Every meal was better than the last.

And I was even starting to get

a bit of a reputation around the neighborhood.

- For Nicky Deuce, it's on the house.

- � Tell me quick, ain't love a kick �

- Nicky Deuce?

I think my lessons are working too well.

- � In the head ��

- Hey, uh, Donna. There's... there's something I've been meaning to ask you.

- Sure, I'll go with ya. - Wait--

- The Santo Pietro festival. You were just gonna ask me, right?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, but how'd you know?

- You took a deep breath, you were gettin' a little sweaty. I've seen it before.

- I thought I was hiding my sweat--

- You weren't. I'll meet you there.

- (quietly): Yes!

(phone ringing)

Yo! This is The Deuce!

- [Hello? Nicholas?] - Dad?

- How you holding up, buddy?

- I love it here. I... I can't believe you ever left.

- [Well, we have got some great news.]

It took some finagling, but your mother and I got you

on the next fight out of New York tonight,

so you should be in Papua New Guinea by morning! Now, it is a cargo plane,

so you're gonna be sharing space with some goats, and, I'll be honest, these goats are angry.

- Dad, you're not listening. I want to stay.

Tutti is so awesome, and Uncle Frankie really--

- Absolutely not! You are coming to Papua New Guinea,

you are flying with angry, bitey goats!

- This so isn't fair, Dad.

- Nick, it's your brother.

[The kid likes it here, we like]

having him here, and he's learning some important

family history. You want to deprive him a that?

Fine, but you're gonna have to come here

[and get him yourself.]

Otherwise, he's staying put.

- Thanks, Uncle Frankie. I mean, I'm probably gonna get grounded

for this, but thanks. - We're family, kid.

Nothing's more important than family. Remember that.

- He hung up on me.

- Nicholas? - No.

My brother. (bird squawking)

I don't like this, Barb.

(animal barking)

I don't like it one bit.

- Me neither.

(lion growling)

(firecrackers) (accordion music playing)

(kids laughing)

- (man): Get your sausage and peppers here!

- Uh, you, uh, you look very, uh, pretty--

nice. Uh, look very pretty nice...

- Oh, good, good. I was, uh,

going for very... pretty nice.

My mom made me wear this dress. I think I look kinda stupid.

- No. No, no. You look... you look great.

- Yeah, well, so do you.

You actually look like you're starting to fit in around here.

- Whoa, whoa. W-W-Wait a second. Is that Tutti?

- Yeah. She does this every year.

Raises a ton of money for the sisters

at the Holy Sacrament. - Muah!

- That's kind of disturbing. - I think it's kinda sweet.

(bell ringing) (kids screaming on ride)

(Donna and Nicholas laugh.)

- For the lady. - Thank you.

Hey, why don't you go get us

some ice cream? - Yeah.

- I promised my dad I'd check in real quick,

so I'll be right back.

Hold my bear. - Ah.

- Thanks, Nicky. I'm having a real good time tonight.

- Man, I love this town.

(kids screaming on ride) Grazie. Ha! Ha!

- They're all goin' down this weekend.

Frankie, Charlie, Jimmy, Oscar-- the whole crew.

Right after the race tomorrow.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uncle... Uncle Frankie's gonna get arrested?

- I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I bust the case wide open.

O dio mio. - No, no, no.

I gotta warn Frankie. - You're coming with me.

- Can it wait? I'm kinda in the middle of something, guy.

- Sorry, Deuce. I ain't the waitin' type.

Ahhhh!

So cold!

- Mm, gelato.

- Tommy! Tommy! Tommy!

- Whoa!

(man groaning) Ow.

- OK, I think we, uh, I think we lost him. Let's go.

Come on.

- Hey, boys. Out for a little late-night jog, are we?

- There you are!

You're gonna pay for this.

- Napkin?

- Hey! Get in the car! Now!

- So, the famous Nicky Deuce.

Word is you "scrambled" Bobby Eggs pretty good.

I'm impressed. - Well, actually,

sir, it--

Yep.

- That Frankie. Getting kids to do his dirty work. It's genius.

You did a good job for me, Deuce, and, uh, Phil is it?

- Uh, it's Tommy, but you can call me Phil if you want, sir. - Yeah, I know I can.

Now, I need something. And you kids are

just the ones to help me. - What, uh, what kind of something?

- The kind of something where I get rid of somebody.

Follow me.

- Uh... can I use

the bathroom?

- Nicky?

- How you doin', Vinny? You comfy?

Take a seat. Now, this is

the person that I want you to get rid of.

- Uh, sir, I don't think I can do this. - Me neither.

My mom'll kill me. - Oh, you're gonna do it, and you're gonna do it now.

See, I need you to show me how...

to de-friend... my mother-in-law.

But my mother-in-law, marone, this woman is always

in my business. How many more cute little dog videos can I watch? Please,

you gotta show me how to de-friend her

on FacesandFriends.com. - O-OK.

(beep) (chime)

(chime) - Hm.

- (Tommy): Mm-hmm. That's how it's done.

- That's it? - That's it. - Wish it were always

that quick, huh, Vinny? (Paulie laughing)

(all but Vinny laughing)

(gulp!) - Now.

I got a job for you to do. Said I was gonna give it to Frankie, but I like the way

you fly under the radar.

That's the address.

I want you to make a delivery for me tonight.

This is a big step for you, Deuce.

You gotta show me what you got. Now...

get outta here.

Not you, Vinny!

Nice try.

(Paulie chuckling) (chime)

Oh, yo. I got another friend request!

- Hey, good for you, boss! - It's from my mother in law?

Why won't this woman leave me alone?

- What are you gonna do? Look, this is bad. This is real bad.

- OK, we gotta... we gotta try to pull this job for Paulie, and then warn Uncle Frankie

about the setup tomorrow. - I'm not talking about Paulie.

I'm talking about Donna. You stood her up.

She is not gonna be happy about this. This is bad.

This is real bad.

- It's OK!

I'll just talk to her. She'll understand.

So, there you have it, Donna. Paulie forced us to come and see him.

We didn't have a choice.

Now, can you please put me down?

- You promise

to never stand me up again? - Yes. Yes, yes, I promise.

Ooh! Oh!

- I got it from here, Rocco.

Thanks for the help.

So, let me get this straight.

you're the one who roughed up Bobby Eggs. - Sort of.

- And now you're working for Paulie? - Yeah. Ah!

- What are you thinking?! - It just all happened!

I wasn't thinking. You know, I was just... I was just trying

to man up, you know? Ah! Really?

- OK, so, you're sure Capaldi's gonna rat out Frankie and his crew?

- Yeah, I heard it with my own ears. You know, he told the cops

he's got a whole case he's just waiting to bust open.

- So, what does this all have to do with Paulie? - They work for him.

Paulie's having us pull a job for him tonight. - That might have something

to do with whatever Sunday's about. What's the job?

- Some kind of truck delivery. - I'm coming with you.

- No, you're not, Donna. It could be... could be dangerous.

- Yeah. - That's why I'm coming. Someone's gotta protect you two.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Do either of you even know how to drive a truck?

- Psh! Come on. Do I know how to drive a truck?

The answer is no.

(phone ringing on other end) - Come on, come on, Uncle Frankie.

Come on.

(car alarm) Where the heck is he?

(cat screeching)

- What're you squirts doin' here?

- Pickup for a delivery. What's it to ya?

- Easy. That's Nicky Deuce.

- That's The Deuce?

- You hear what he did to Bobby Eggs?

He toyed with him. Kept workin' him over, pretended like he had no idea what he was doin'!

- Brutal.

OK, just sit tight.

The merchandise ain't quite ready yet. The doctor's running

a little late. Come on. Let's go!

- Doctor? - Could come in handy with the way he drives.

- Hey, hey, hey.

That's that weird-looking guy from the race on TV the other day.

He was in the crowd when SteviesBiscuit won.

- You think that has something to do with Uncle Frankie?

- I don't know... but we're gonna find out.

Come on, come on. Let's go.

- What is this?

Olive oil? - Real high quality stuff too.

Extra EXTRA virgin.

(laughing) Tastes delish on ice cream.

- Why'd Paulie send me for this? I thought I was supposed to pick up the other thing.

- The boss changed his mind. He sent The Deuce on the other thing.

- The Deuce? - Yeah, Nicky Deuce. Your kid from the Midwest.

- Tell me, Enzo, what does The Deuce look like?

- A horse? That's what Paulie sent us to pick up?

- That's a thoroughbred, Nicky. Oh, look at him:

long, straight legs,

strong pelvis, nice big butt.

What? I know horses. Shut up. (door slamming)

- OK, this does not look good.

- This REALLY doesn't look good.

- Vat is zee horsie's name? - Wee Willy, Doc.

(Tommy snickering) - Excellent.

(race bell and music)

- What is he doing?

- Vee Villy. Vee Villy.

Ven you hear zis vord,

you vill run like zee vind,

faster zan zee other horses, like your tail is on fire.

(ding!) But... only ven you hear zis vord.

Strudel.

Ya. Strudel.

(cash register ding)

Strudel!

Zee animal has been programmed.

(TVs turned off)

Voo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

I love my job.

To zee salad bar!

- All right, come on, guys. Let's go.

- OK, horsie, let's go. - (whispering): Hey, Tommy!

Tommy, what are you doing? What's going on with him?

- Tommy, snap out of it. We gotta get back to the truck before we get caught.

- What are you guys doing standing around here?

We gotta get back to the truck before we get caught! Move.

- How could you get him involved in this? He's just a boy! - I didn't do nothin',

Ma. He must've picked up my phone. I don't know what he was thinkin'.

- Muah!

- This is why your brother didn't want Nicholas coming here,

and this is why they never come to see me.

It's all your fault!

- Muah!

(sigh) - Don't worry.

I'll find him, Ma. I won't let nothing happen to him.

- Hey, Izzy, don't get so greedy!

- You're so beautiful!

Come on, here we go. Up the ramp.

Into the truck. (Nicholas chuckles.)

Oh, you're such a good horse! (truck rear door closing) - Oh, man.

- So, Paulie's fixing the races? - Well, think about it.

Ludwig von Hypnotist puts the horse under his spell, and then, when the jockey says

the magic word, Vee Vill-- I mean, Wee Willy--

(snickering) - I'm sorry. It's a silly name.

- The horse... (Wee Willy neighs.)

...kicks some serious horse butt. That's how Uncle Frankie

knew that horse was gonna win the other day. - Bing, bang, boom!

So that's why Paulie and his crew always clean up-- because they bet the long shot.

It's simple math. (Wee Willy neighs.)

- So, is... (snickering)

...Wee Willy a long shot at the race tomorrow?

- A hundred and ten to one. (Donna whistles.)

It's a setup at Belmont! I can't let Uncle Frankie go down like that. He's family.

And nothing's more important than family.

- So, what do we do?

(Donna sighs.)

Aww.

- Please hurry.

- I am. And shh! Quiet. Don't wake up my parents.

- Why are we leading

a horse into a bakery in the middle of the night?

- It's simple, Tommy. In math terms, if we want

to change the solution, then we have to change

the variables in the equation. - Sometimes I wish you'd speak English.

- If we don't want Uncle Frankie to get pinched, we gotta

make sure the horse doesn't race tomorrow.

- Oh, OK, I get it. So, we double cross the most powerful dude

in all of Brooklyn. Great plan! I love this plan! Great plan! Great plan! Great plan!

- Get it together, man!

I gotta get up to bed before my dad freaks.

You three make yourselves comfortable.

- OK. We'll see you. OK.

Hey, buddy, it's OK. It's OK, boy. OK.

(She gasps.)

- Hello, Mrs. Borelli. - Who are you? And what are you doing in my house?

- My name's Paulie.

And this is Carmine. We're acquaintances of your son,

Frankie. - My Frankie wouldn't

associate with goons like you.

- Now, that's a very hurtful thing to say, Mrs. Borelli.

- Well, that's what you are. You break

into an old woman's house and scare her half to death?

- For that, we are truly sorry, and we'll be out of your hair

as quickly as possible. But firstly, we were wondering

if you could tell us the whereabouts of Nicky Deuce.

See, he stole something of mine,

and I would really like to get it back.

- Nicky Deuce? Who's Nicky Deuce?

- Boss.

- Oh! Nicholas?

No, no, there must be some kind of mistake.

Nicholas would never steal anything

from anybody. I'll prove it to you.

- Math Boy? What is this?

- Look how adorable he is.

- Whoa, Deuce! Don't bend over in those tights! Ohhh!

- All right. That's it. We're leaving. I'd had enough.

Grab the old lady. She's coming with us. Let's go.

- Over my dead body! Ah! - Do not let her get to the spoon!

(smack! smack! smack!) - (Enzo): Oh! Oh! - (Carmine): Ow!

- Huh?

- (yawning): You two make a cute couple.

(Tommy snoring) Uh, Nicky?

Where's Wee Willy? (Nicholas gasps.)

- Holy cannoli.

- My pop is gonna kill me! - Donna, Donna, I will pay for this.

I don't know how, I don't know, it might take me 10 years'

worth of allowances, but I-I'll pay for it, I swear.

- He ate everything. The cakes, the cookies, the cannolis. Oh, my!

- What? - He even ate my pop's world-famous apple strudel.

- Strudel! (Wee Willy neighing)

- Ooh! Ahhhhhh!

(crash!)

(Nicholas shouting) (traffic noise)

- What'd I miss?

- I forgot about the trigger word the doctor used to program Wee Willy!

(snickering) - What trigger word?

- Strudel. - Strudel!

- Oops.

Nicky! Are you OK?!

- Ha. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The first couple of blocks hurt a little bit.

But then, after about the 12th block, it hurt a lot.

What happened? - The trigger word.

S-T-R-U-D-E-L. I think Tommy must have gotten programmed somehow too.

- Hey. Buddy. Tommy.

Snap out of it. Come on. Tommy!

Hey!

- Hey, guys!

How'd I get outsi-- Why does my face hurt?

(cell phone chime) - Um... well...

- Oh, no. - What is it?

- They got Tutti.

(chime)

- Yo! Yo!

I got another friend request!

And, look who it's from.

Request accepted. - Hey,

he wrote on your wall, boss. - Yeah. That's today's date. Now, this kid's good.

"I got what you want, you got what I want.

Let's make an exchange."

Yeah, you may be good, kid...

but you ain't that good.

- (announcer): Ladies and gentlemen!

Welcome to Belmont historic racetrack!

Please take your seats as the jockeys get ready for today's lineup of races.

And remember, flash photography is strictly prohibited,

as it may frighten the horses.

- You know, your status update should read: "You're a real pain in my rear."

- And yours should say: "You're a blight on society."

- Oh, compliments are gonna get you nowhere, Deuce.

Or should I call you Math Boy?

(laughing) - OK, here's how we're gonna do this.

You're gonna give me Tutti, and then I'll message you

the location of your horse. - Whoa, I didn't realize

you were callin' the shots. - You know what leverage is, Paulie?

- Oh, is that when you dance around in tights with plus signs on 'em?

- Ha, ha, ha, ha. No, no, no.

Leverage is the power of a superior position,

which I happen to have right now, because, guess what?

The race starts in... oh, 45 minutes.

- Well played, Deuce.

- Come on, Grandma. - Hey! Hey! Get your--

- Tutti! Tutti, are you OK? - Yeah, I'm good.

- Nicky! Ma! - Uncle Frankie?!

- Nicky, you shouldn't be here. You don't know what's goin' on.

- No, Uncle Frankie, you don't know what's going on. - Nicholas!

- Dad? - Nick? - Frankie? Mother?

- Nick! - Look what we got here. The Borelli family reun--

and me without my camera. - How did you find me?

- I traced your location through your phone.

All parents can do it. What have you gotten him into, Frankie?

- Nick, it ain't like that. - Enough! Me and The Deuce are in the middle of a transaction.

- Who's The Deuce? - I am. I'll explain it later,

but right now I got the upper hand. - Hey, boss.

Look what we found hiding in the stables.

- Sorry. (thug making kissing sounds)

- You're so cute. You're so beautiful.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What were you saying about leverage, Deuce?

- You haven't change a bit, Frankie. And now you drag my son into it?

- You disappear for 20 years and you think you know what's going on?

- Will you boys stop fighting? - Yeah, listen to your mother. - Don't talk to your brother

like that. He's not the one who abandoned the family. - Oh, please, Ma.

Not this again. - Dad, Uncle Frankie, Tutti.

- (all): What?! - Now is not the time!

We gotta figure out how the heck to get out of here.

- But the rope is so tight, I can barely wiggle my hands!

- I think I know a way.

- Good, 'cause this is not a stable situation.

- OK. All right.

- Nice, nice.

- This place is a den of filth.

- No. No, no, no. Escape the ropes...

- Ahhh. - Well done, Deuce!

��� ("Charge" fanfare)

- (announcer): And the main event is just about to begin,

so hang on to your hats and buckle your seatbelts, folks.

The tension is palpable here. This promises to be one for the ages.

(laughing)

- You broke my heart, Nicky.

A son abandoning his mother like that. It's just not right.

- Look around, Ma. This is why I left.

I couldn't have my kid getting in the same kind of trouble we did.

- But your family's here, Nick. - Yeah.

- Mom just wants la famiglia back together, especially with pop gone.

- (all): God rest. - I got it!

- Math Boy to the rescue! Woo! - (Frankie): Well done.

- OK, we're loose, but now what are we gonna do?

- It's time to man up... and take charge.

Hey!

We need help! Something's wrong with my uncle!

Hurry! - Go check it out.

I don't feel like walking.

- What is this? - And they're off!

- Now, Uncle Frankie! - Bye-bye!

- Ah! - Good job, Nicky!

- That is one impressive Dangle! But Flappy's coming in fast!

- What's going on in here? What are you doing hanging around?

- Funny you should ask. - And let's not count out

Mud Cupcake, flying in from the rear!

- Ho-ho! - (Enzo): Horse poop!

- Ha! Ha! Missed me. - You were saying?

- Saddle up, folks. This is getting good.

- Yes! - But it looks like Clip-Clop will not be able to break free.

- That'll teach you to mess with my boys.

- Party's over, Grandma. Put your hands up.

(Enzo laughing) - Call me Tutti.

- Ooh! - It's not looking good for Family Jewels.

- Yes! - That was awesome!

- Nobody calls me Grandma. Everybody knows that.

- Hey, that's not fair. Everyone got to knock out a bad guy except for me.

- What the-- What is going on here?

- It's still any horse's race, with Wee Willy bringing up the rear of the pack.

- Hey, Tommy. - Does he have one final push?

- Strudel! - Strudel!

- It appears he does!

- Oh! (crash!)

- ...here comes Wee Willy from way behind! - Hey, Nicky, look!

The race is about to end! - At the wire, it's Wee Willy, followed by Flappy and Dangle.

Unbelievable! Wee Willy, the biggest long shot...

- OK, you guys go find someplace safe

and stay there. I gotta go take care of Paulie once and for all.

- Wait, wait, Uncle Frankie! No! No, you can't!

- Nicholas! Where are you going? - Dad, it's a setup.

The cops are gonna arrest Uncle Frankie! I c-- I gotta go.

- And, folks, I can't say I've ever seen this before.

It appears that there's a young man galloping on the track

right now, and he is on the move!

- (PA): All purses can be collected at your nearest cashier station.

- I'd like to cash these in, please.

- We're gonna have to give you a check. This is over our limit.

- Oh, I got time.

- You got time, all right. We got you, Paulie!

About, uh, 25 to life, I'd say.

- Uncle Frankie, wait! It's a setup! - Nicholas!

It's time for Frankie to take responsibility for what he's done.

- I couldn't agree with you more, Nick. - There he is.

Congratulations, Detective Borelli.

- Thank you.

- (both): Detective Borelli?

- OK, wait a minute, so... - You're not in trouble with the police?

- No, kid. I am the police. - (cop): Let's go.

- Come on. I'm not even German, man!

- I knew you were a rat,

Frankie. I knew it all along. But you got nothin' on me.

You got no wires! (laughing)

- No, but we got wireless. You think FacesandFriends.com

doesn't hold up in court?

- Agh!

- (bystanders): Oh!

- What? I'm from Bensonhurst.

- Wha--

- Both you Borelli brothers are punks!

I shoulda de-friended you when I had the chance, Frankie!

I shoulda de-friended all o' yas!

- Bye, bye. They don't grow tomatoes where you're going, Paulie.

- Neigh!

- For the last time, you're not a horse!

- You're a cop, Frankie? A cop?

- I cleaned up my act a long time ago.

I wanted to tell you, Nick.

I just couldn't blow my cover.

- I don't know what to say.

I should have trusted you. I'm sorry. All these years...

- Never too late, right?

- I never should have kept you from your roots, Nicky.

(They chuckle.) I'm sorry for that.

- No, Dad, home is wherever the family is--

you know, our house or Brooklyn. La famiglia.

- La famiglia.

- Let me get this straight. When Old Man Capaldi said you were all going down,

he was talking about... - Atlantic City,

for Charlie Cement's bachelor party.

- OK, OK. But what about that case he couldn't wait to open, huh?

- Champagne, kid. Capaldi gets the best deals in town.

- He knows a guy who knows a guy.

- So, uh, you're all legit? - Yeah.

- Jimmy the Iceman? - I fix freezers.

- Charlie Cement? - Construction. - Oscar the Undertaker?

- I'm an undertaker, kid. What else would I be? - What did you think

we were, Nicky? Some kind of a crime family or something?

- What? No! No, that's crazy. That's crazy.

Who would think that?

Yeah. Yeah, I did. (guys laughing)

- You been watchin' too many movies, kid.

- Oh, my Borelli boys together again.

Your father would be so happy. - (all): God rest.

- And, Barbara, thank you so much

for sending all of those videos. You did good with him.

He's a fine boy. But, listen,

This gluten-free, fat-free, taste-free stuff,

what is that? Come on, he's Italian!

He needs real food at the family table!

- We'll work on that, Tutti. But have you ever tried tofu spaghetti?

- There you are, Nicky.

I told you we were gonna dance. Think you're gonna get out of it?

(She laughs.)

- � And stars in sunshine... �

���

- � Spread your wings �

- It's all diamonds and champagne from here, Donna.

- Huh? - Nothing. Just something I heard in a movie once.

- Ey! Everybody! If you haven't had this yet,

it's amazing! You gotta try it! Donna,

tell your pop this is the best apple strudel ever!

- Strudel! (horse neighing)

(cat screeching) (glass shattering) - We gotta have that looked at.

- � Rainy or sunny �

- And there it was, the greatest summer of my life.

The summer of my first kiss-- and it was the lips, not the cheeks.

The summer that brought my family back together.

The summer that turned Nicholas Borelli the Second

into...

(buzzing)

(glass shattering)

- Anyone?

Anyone?

Seriously?!

- �� I roll right out of bed �

� But not the same old way �

� A little thought was �

� There in my head �

� Sonny, it's your lucky day �

� I headed down the street �

� And found that on my way �

� A smile from everyone �

� That I meet �

� Sonny, it's your lucky day �

� I'm lovin' life �

� Like I should �

� Sonny, it's my lucky day ��

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc.