Original subtitles

[Thinking] So here I am,

caught between chase and Lorenzo.

Now, all I have to do is get them on board

to date me at the same time.

But I'm not gonna worry about it

because I'm in charge. I think. No, I am.

[Laughter]

Phyllis: Get up!

It's flu shot day at the drug store,

and I want to be first in line so we don't get the old stuff.

[Laughter]

[Thinking] No one's in charge

- while their mother's alive. - [Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪ [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

I'm really glad you called me.

Hold on to that feeling

until after you hear what I have to say.

I thought long and hard about the two of us.

Well, me, too. You know, I didn't think

I'd ever be sitting on this couch again.

- [Laughter] - Here's the thing:

- I'd like to date you both. - You what?

- Huh? - [Laughter]

I realize it may not be the ideal situation, but...

Hey, you have to listen to your heart.

I'm sorry to ask you to do this,

but I don't really see another way.

I can't say that competing for you

is something I'm looking forward to.

Don't look at it so much as a competition.

- I'm not afraid to compete. - I know I'm asking a lot.

But hey, if it's the only way to keep you in my life, Mona,

I'll do it.

- Are you sure? - Absolutely!

I intend to be the last man standing.

So, Saturday? Pick me up at 7:00?

How about I pick you up right now?

[Cheerful humming]

- Can pastry boy do that? - [Laughter]

So, Friday, see you at 8:00?

I will leave my place at 7:59.

[Laughter]

[Door opens]

- Hello, hello! - Hey, mom!

Whoo, you're stretching.

Do we have a shopping spree I forgot about?

[Laughter]

Good idea to limber up.

Those steps at saks can be brutal.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

No!

No, mother!

I'm going out with Vince. This guy I met at the gym.

He's a lawyer, loves sports

and he has less than ten percent body fat.

I swear, if he had long, silky hair,

- I'd think we were twins. - [Laughter]

[Knock on door]

Coming!

Hello, Dee. You ready for our spinning class?

[Cheerful humming]

Well, I've pre-padded my bike shorts.

[Laughter]

Uh, hello, I'm big Dee,

and before you ask, no, I'm not her sister.

[Laughter]

It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Vince.

- Whoops. - [Laughter]

Clumsy me. Vince, would you be a dear?

Sure.

- Nice... - [Laughter]

Shorts. You wear them well.

Yeah. Dee Dee picked them out. She has such good taste.

And not just in shorts.

[Cheerful humming]

- Oh, my! - [Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Hey, how was your date with the hot new computer tech?

Word in the break room is yolanda is from a little place

- called freak-a-delphia. - [Laughter]

Really? She told me she was from Cleveland.

[Laughter]

I thought you were trying to hook up with a better

- class of woman. - I was!

But since that class doesn't seem to be in session,

a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

And this man's really got to do it.

- If you know what I mean. - [Laughter]

I get it. What is this, high school?

Yolanda and I are doing things I never did in high school.

Or in college.

- Or ever. - [Laughter]

- I'm so grateful! - [Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Mm, I'll tell you what, that chase is a keeper.

He has done a good job spoiling me.

- May I? - [Knock on door]

- Hey! - Hey, Mona.

I was downtown and I got this for you.

Oh...

- You didn't have to do that. - But I wanted to.

Anyway, I'll see you later.

Bye.

I tell you what, that Lorenzo is a keeper.

[Laughter]

I thought chase was the keeper.

Well, he was,

but Lorenzo gave you a gift I can borrow.

And that's a gift that keeps on giving.

[Laughter]

- Let me just check myself out. - [Giggles]

[Introductory musical note]

- Vince? - Dee Dee?

- How did you know I work here? - Vince!

Here's that Derek jeter ball I promised you, buddy.

- Wow, thanks! - Sure!

You know Brett?

- You know Vince? - You know each other?

- [Laughter] - We both work here.

Let me rephrase that: I work. She just tries to keep up.

[Laughter]

This is the fantastic girl I was telling you about.

Well, I wouldn't say fantastic.

- Yeah. Neither would I. - [Laughter]

Well, I'm off to court.

Dee Dee, I'll see you later at the gym.

- Ok. - [Elevator bell rings]

Brett: Yeah, sure. I'll see you around.

So, how do you know Vince?

And what is not fantastic about me?

[Laughter]

Vince and I go way back. He's a great guy,

and you are not going to date him.

[Laughter]

You did not just tell me who I can date.

I'll try again.

I know this guy, ok, and when it comes to women,

he has certain... standards.

Well, this woman can exceed anybody's standards.

Unless he likes them tall,

but that's why god made stilettos for.

[Laughter]

You know what, Thorne? Go for it. Really.

I mean, I think it's about time

you found someone to obsess about.

- Other than me. - [Laughter]

I cannot remember the last time I went to an amusement park.

You know, I love seeing you laugh.

Even if it was at me trying to win you this thing.

[Mona giggles]

And you'd still be trying

if you hadn't distracted the attendant,

jumped over the counter and put the hoop

- over the bottle. - [Laughter]

You know, looking back, it would've been easier

- just to slip the guy a twenty. - [Laughs]

But I am willing to do anything to get you what you want.

This is a side of you I've never seen before.

And I like it.

Well, here's something else you might like.

- Oh... - [Cheerful humming]

Oh, this is way better than a giant panda.

[Laughter]

This is such a nice date.

You remember the first time I set your apartment up

- like this? - Oh, I'd worked for 18 hours,

- i didn't have time to eat. - So I brought dinner to you.

And then I made you hide in the closet

- when ma stopped by. - [Laughter]

Yeah, that was a long three hours.

[Laughter]

You know, I was foolish to walk away from you.

So this is my way... Of saying, let's start over.

I think you found a new spot. [Giggles]

[Introductory musical note]

- [Knock on door] - Hey, Brett!

Vince, I thought you were having lunch with Thorne.

Yes, I did. She's right behind me.

- Well, she was right behind me. - [Laughter]

Oh, there you are!

Yeah. Sorry. I didn't realize when you said

you wanted to take me back to my office,

it meant sprinting up 23 flights of stairs.

[Laughter]

You know, I have to say, Vince,

I am so glad that you finally met a woman

who can live up to your standards.

- Yes, he has. - Hey, that's...

[laughter]

And I'm so glad that you are happy for us.

Oh, well, you know there's nothing

I'm more concerned about than your happiness, Thorne.

Just like I know there's nothing you love more

than a brisk half marathon.

[Laughter]

Vince: Oh, great!

'Cause I'm actually running one Saturday.

- Is that this weekend? - [Laughter]

Yes, Dee Dee, you should join me.

It's for a good cause.

We're raising money for the naacp

- ooh. That's good. - [Laughter]

- Consider it a date. - I'll try.

[Laughter]

And then afterwards you can meet me at little bar,

and you can tell me all about the race.

Mile by mile. [Laughs]

[Laughter]

By mile.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

So, here's the first problem with your computer.

It seems like the hard drive wasn't properly... turned on.

- [Laughter] - Oh, yeah?

Yeah. When the hard drive isn't properly turned on,

the whole system crashes prematurely.

- We don't want that. - [Laughter]

No, we don't. We have to be gentle with it.

Click the mouse ever so...

- Delicately. - [Gasps]

Oh, I'll be gentle... At first.

- [Laughter] - But then, my floppy drive's

gonna get all up in your desktop.

[Laughter]

I'm sorry, but I just can't do

the hot computer talk like you can.

[Laughter]

- Then forget the computer talk. - Ok.

'Cause I was thinking, we had a great time last night,

but if you wanted to make it even hotter,

maybe you'd like my friend bunny to join us.

- What do you think? - [Gasps]

Easter ain't as ready for bunny as I am.

[Laughter]

Good lord, people. This is a place of business.

I can hear you in the bullpen.

But just barely, so could you please speak up?

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

It's just that dating Vince is exhausting.

He's so fit, and has such amazing stamina...

Father in the room! Father in the room.

[Laughter]

Little me, I have seen Vince,

and even though it's challenging,

it would be a shame to let such a young,

virile, hot...

- Husband in the room! - [Laughter]

[Door opens]

Well, I've come to a conclusion

after being licked and kissed by both chase and Lorenzo.

- Father still in the room! - [Laughter]

Am I invisible?

Can anybody hear me?

[Laughter]

Seriously, can anybody hear me?

[Laughter]

You are dating two men,

and my baby can't keep up with one?

Well, you need a blue pill and a red one.

[Laughter]

So, Mona, what did you decide?

Well, chase is thoughtful and easy to talk to

and makes me feel safe, and...

I can really see a future with him.

But Lorenzo is funny and spontaneous

and makes me appreciate life in the moment,

and I could really see a future with him.

- What have you decided, woman? - [Laughter]

What I've decided is:

This is an impossible decision.

- [Laughter] - Both chase and Lorenzo

have touched a different part of me.

- Father leaving the building! - [Laughter]

[Scoffs]

[Musical note]

[Introductory musical note]

[Knock on door]

Mona: Chase!

This is a pleasant surprise.

I didn't know you were stopping by.

- With Lorenzo! - [Laughter]

Still a surprise, but not quite as pleasant.

- More awkward really. - [Laughter]

We ran into each other at the flower mart.

We both tried to grab the last dozen roses.

Neither of us would let go and so all that was left was...

- This. - [Laughter]

Thank you, they're... Not gonna need much water.

[Laughter]

Look, Mona, we realized what we were doing with you

is what we did with those roses.

We both want to be with you,

but neither of us wants to let go.

You may not have decided, but we have.

We're not gonna co-date you anymore.

It's time you made up your mind.

Game over.

Mona? Let him down easy.

- Brother's already unemployed. - [Laughter]

So, Mona,

which delicious chunk of chocolate

are you going with? Are you leaning towards say,

- Lorenzo? - Why, should I be?

Oh, he is great. And he seems like someone

who might whisper sweet nothings in bed.

Tell me, what does he whisper?

- Adam... - Really? I'm flattered!

[Laughter]

All right, I've got quite the office pool going.

And if you give me a hint,

I'll split my winnings with you 80/20.

- Out! - 70/30.

- Now! - Fine! 60/40.

Ok, how about 40/60. 30/70, 20/80?

[Laughter]

Hey.

I just wanted to say I know you're gonna pick me,

but let chase down easy.

- Tall brothers fall hard. - [Laughter]

Drop out now, and I'll give you half my winnings.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Brett, my man.

Go ahead. Ask me why I'm here.

- To have a threesome. - [Laughter]

Spencer, I know I may seem outgoing and friendly,

but you got the wrong guy, man.

[Laughter]

Not with you. With this girl I'm dating.

I can't tell you what a relief that is.

[Laughter]

It's like my entire life

has been leading up to this one moment.

Yeah. Smell my breath.

[Laughter]

And we're back to uncomfortable.

[Laughter]

Sorry, man. I gargled with listerine

before I came in here.

I wanted to be sure a brother's breath

- was smelling... sexy fresh. - [Laughter]

Well, let's just assume that a brother's breath

- is smelling "sexy fresh." - [Laughter]

I'm gonna go save two chairs for my ladies.

- That's right. Two. - [Laughter]

Hey, there's my little runner girl.

How you feeling?

Great. Awesome. Couldn't be better.

[Laughter]

And you and Vince are...

Great. Awesome. Couldn't be better.

- [Laughter] - Thank you.

I hope you don't mind, uhm...

I thought you may be hungry after running 13 miles,

so I pre ordered a little food.

We got some nachos, wings, and, uh...

Look at this fried mozzarella square.

- Mmm... - [Laughter]

Would you like some?

- Mmm, fried cheese... - Ooh, yeah! Whoo!

Dig in.

[Laughter]

Dee Dee, what are you doing?

Did you just snatch my food?

[Laughter and cheering]

Your body is a temple.

And you're treating it like it's a crack den!

How about how you are treating me?

You have so many control issues,

and so much disrespect for me,

that you've never even asked me what my interests are.

Well, I can see that fried food is on your list.

[Laughter]

Yes. Yes, it is!

This is for every morsel of food

you denied me.

This is for every hill you made me climb.

And this is for every squat you made me thrust.

[Laughter]

And yes, Vince, I pick this hot wing over you!

- [Laughter] - Excuse me.

I've never been dumped for a hot wing before.

- [Laughter] - What exactly is a hot wing?

[Laughter]

You just dodged a bullet there, buddy.

She's a size 16 waiting to happen.

[Laughter]

- Hey, you. - Hey.

Whoo, sexy fresh.

[Spencer giggles]

Ready to have your world rocked?

- Like you wouldn't believe. - [Laughter]

Here's bunny now.

[Laughter]

That's bunny?

I thought she'd be small and cuddly.

- That's a big-ass bunny. - [Laughter]

I take it back. I ain't ready.

Oh, yes, you are.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Dad, the whole thing

with chase and Lorenzo is such a mess.

I understand your dilemma.

And...

I'm just so moved that you came to me.

[Laughter]

Well, you are my father.

This is what I'm supposed to do

when it's a big deal, isn't it?

I'm gonna tell you something my grandmother told me.

Sometimes when making the really big decisions,

you have to silence the voices.

I never knew Nana was deep like that.

- She wasn't. She was crazy. - [Laughter]

She actually told me to silence the voices

- in her head. - [Laughter]

I thought I'd leave that part out.

Great! The insanity gene.

Something else for me to look forward to.

[Laughter]

Dad...

Chase and Lorenzo are both great guys.

I'm just...

I'm afraid to make the wrong decision.

Look, baby...

I know everyone is giving you their opinion.

[Sighs]

But there's only one opinion that counts.

- Yours. - [Sighs]

So stop asking everyone else what to do

and look deep inside yourself for who you really want

to be with.

I bet you'll find the answer.

Thanks, daddy.

I still can't believe you came to me.

- [Mona giggles] - [Laughter]

[Thinking] It's funny how sometimes

you seek everyone else's opinion,

when you really knew

what the right decision was all along.

Wish me luck.

[Soft song]

Hey, it's me.

I'm good, and I'm sorry we had to go through all this,

but I finally know where my heart is.

You're the one that I want to be with.

Mmm, is that shrimp creole with rice?

Yes, it is. Would you like some?

Or are you still full from all the crow

- that you ate last night? - [Laughter]

Fine, Brett.

You want to hear me admit that you were right?

Let me think about that.

- Uh, yeah. - [Laughter]

Well, I should've listened to you

in the first place.

- Your friend is a lunatic. - [Brett giggles]

But I am touched that you tried to protect me.

Protect you?

Clearly you're still delusional from all that running

up and down the hills of San Francisco.

[Laughter]

Be honest. You wanted me to be with the right guy

because you care.

What is this, Dr. Frigging Phil?

[Laughter]

Why are you women always trying to get up

in our heads, huh? [Giggles] Sorry. No chicks allowed.

[Laughter]

Ok. But, uh... Now I know what I know.

And you know that I know that you know it.

[Laughter]

- Lord, she's hot for me. - [Laughter]

She'll figure it out soon. [Clears throat]

[Introductory theme song]

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