Original subtitles

Good night.

Well, look at you.

You got big plans for this evening?

Yep. Dinner reservations at café Luna

and these awesome seats...

Yeah, yeah. I don't really care.

[Laughter]

What you're really doing tonight is dinner,

brought in from panos pizzeria,

and, uh, awesome seats at our conference table.

- Contracts are waiting. - [Laughter]

They may be waiting for you, but I am a full-fledged agent

who's worked a full day. And you're not the boss of me.

Well, apparently, you were too busy at lip-glossing

to check your in-box, so, uh, ding! You've got mail.

[Laughter]

Gus is doing a little spring training thing

with the a's, and he's left his longtime trusted protégé,

Brett mahoney, in charge until he returns.

You wish.

- Oh, my god. - [Laughter]

Look at that. [Laughs]

Turns out, uh, I am the boss of you.

So, uhm, cheese or pepperoni?

Don't overlook pineapple and bacon.

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪ [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Spencer, see this mess? It reeks of you.

[Laughter]

Do I need to reintroduce you to the decimal point?

[Laughter]

Are you sure there's not a decimal there?

Maybe it's under the mustard stain.

[Laughter]

Actually, that's my mistake... And my mustard.

[Laughter]

Sweet! I'm out.

[Laughter]

I'm sorry, Kai.

I'm usually very good with math and mustard packets.

Mona, I cannot keep havin' this conversation.

You're just not on your game, girl.

I know, but I'm still going through

a lot of stuff in my personal life.

Ever since my boyfriend and I broke up...

And I can't keep having this conversation, either.

Don't tell me your business.

Tell somebody that gets paid to listen to that nonsense.

Now, I know we black people have Jesus,

- but you need a shrink. - [Laughter]

Kai, you wanted to be alerted

the second the fresh tootsie pops got here.

It gives me great pleasure to announce

the pops have arrived.

[Laughter]

- Sweet. I'm out. - [Laughter]

Now listen up.

I heard every word she said, and she's right.

Everybody's talking about how you've become

a tragic nut-bucket, coming apart at the seams.

[Laughter]

- Everybody's saying that? - Well, actually, only me.

But everyone should have opened my e-mail by now.

[Laughter]

This is the most sough-after psychoanalyst

- in the bay area. - How do you know about her?

Well, she helped my friend Trevor,

who had a really hard time coming out...

- As a republican. - [Laughter]

There was a lot of shame involved.

[Mona sighs]

Maybe I do need to talk to somebody.

Good. Now, here are the top 100 things

- i think you need to work on. - [Laughter]

I'm not addicted to diet pills.

Oh, wait. This is my list.

Sorry. Yours must still be printing.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Phyllis: Hey, baby,

you wanna have lunch together this week?

Sure. Sounds great.

Anything I can do to help you through this troubled time.

- Aw... well, how about Friday? - Can't do Friday. I have plans.

[Laughter]

What plans are so important that you can't meet

your heartbroken, unstable daughter?

- Uh, lip-waxin' appointment. - [Laughter]

These bad boys are growin' in gray.

Trust me. I'm doin' everyone a favor.

[Knock on door]

- Hello, ladies. - Hello, Lorenzo.

I don't see pastries in your hand.

Have you ever been to this apartment

when there wasn't a hungry woman

on the other side of this door?

Actually, I haven't. - [Laughter]

Teaspoon of advice: If you wanna win over Mona,

- keep the pastries comin'. - [Laughter]

And if you slip me a carrot cake or two,

- I'll put in a good word. - [Lorenzo giggles]

So, what are you doing here,

other than being harassed by my mother?

Well, I got a couple of tickets to the basquiat exhibit,

and I knew how much you wanted to go.

Oh, that's sweet,

but I don't think it's a good idea

for me to go out with you right now.

Well, that's cool.

I know you and chase just split up,

so I respect the fact that you need some time.

- Thank you. - And I promise

I won't ask you out again till tomorrow.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Yeah. Ok, great.

- Hey, Ceci, what are you doin'? - I have a toothache.

[Laughter]

And you're soothing it with pastrami?

- [Laughter] - It's an old creole remedy.

[Laughter]

There is no eating at the desk. Didn't you get the memo?

Get it? I typed it!

- [Laughter] - [Elevator bell rings]

Hey, hey! Didn't you get the memo

about not going out to lunch?

No. I didn't get that memo.

Yes, she did! I handed it to her.

[Laughter]

See what happens when you don't hold the elevator for me?

[Laughter]

Ok, this is what I'm talking about, people.

We do not take leisurely lunches

when there is a baseball draft looming.

First of all, I just went downstairs

to get some peanut butter crackers

from the machine.

Second of all, that draft's not till next month.

Ok, this is what I'm talking about, people.

See, apparently, Thorne thinks there's an "i" in "team."

She's playing a little game called "procrastination,"

where no one is the winner.

Although, Thorne has actually given me a really good idea.

Why wait till next month

when we can and will finish our draft prep

before any of you go home tonight?

You skinny chicks ruin everything.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

I mean, if you really think about it,

my problems seem so inconsequential,

compared to what's going on in the rest of the world.

Plus, I've got my health, my career is going great,

- my hair is workin'. - [Laughter]

Really, the more I talk about it,

the more I realize I shouldn't even be in therapy,

- so I guess we're done. - [Laughter]

Oh, all right then. Good luck!

- [Laughter] - What?

You're really gonna let me walk out of here

- screwed up as I am? - No.

I knew you'd crack before you hit the door.

[Laughter]

Sit down and grab the tissues, you're gonna need 'em.

Well, I get puffy when I cry, so don't dig too deep.

[Laughter]

Mona, I think a good use of this session

would be to focus

on the chase and Lorenzo issues.

Let's start by examining the link

between your fears of getting too close

and the impact of your parents' divorce.

There's no link between my relationships

and my dad abandoning us...

Except I never have been able to sustain a relationship.

- You're good. - [Laughter]

- And you're damaged. - [Laughter]

So, since you have such excellent insurance,

why don't we pencil you in for the next 20 Fridays?

[Introductory musical note]

Come on, little Dee, it's girl's night out.

- Coco and I both dressed up. - [Laughter]

Mom, I'm swamped.

Brett's become a power-hungry tyrant

since Gus put him in charge.

But we've been invited to yappy hour.

[Laughter]

It's the latest craze

in upscale doggy matchmaking.

Tonight, coco's making her debut

as the hot new purebred on the social scene.

[Laughter]

I didn't know coco was looking.

She's not a pup anymore. And neither are you.

Now, on the other end of those leashes,

you might find a rich, handsome bachelor.

But a word of caution: Stay away from the men

- with great Danes. - [Dog sneezes]

Bless you! They're overcompensating.

- [Laughter] - [Knock on door]

Coming!

[Dee Dee sighs]

Ceci, what are you doin' here?

Waitin' for my arms to fall off

if you don't take these damn files.

[Laughter]

Dee Dee, I don't believe I've met your charming,

yet disturbingly aggressive friend.

Mom, this is Ceci. She works for Brett.

Not for long, unless you get that madman off our backs!

See, we all got together in the parking garage

and decided he's torturing us to prove his worth to Gus.

What does that have to do with me?

Now that you're full-time,

you've stolen Brett's thunder, and he wants it back.

[Laughter]

Of course my dear's stolen his thunder.

The Thorne girls were born to outshine.

Which reminds me:

Don't wag your tail at the mixer.

The labradoodles will think you're a tease.

[Laughter]

Is your mama talkin' to that dog?

[Laughter]

Yeah, but coco stopped listening years ago...

- Just like the rest of us. - [Laughter]

Ceci, it's human nature to want to impress your boss,

so let's all lay low and cut Brett some slack.

Mm-hmm. That's where you stand, huh?

Just so you know,

there's gonna be another meetin'

in the parking garage,

and this time, we gonna sit on your car.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Phyllis, why don't you order your own fries?

'Cause if I eat 'em off your plate,

- i don't have to pay for 'em. - [Laughter]

Good idea.

Dee Dee, can I hit that burger?

- Listen! - [Laughter]

I put my job on the line sneaking out for this meat!

- It's all mine. - [Laugther]

Hey! What are you guys doing here,

having lunch all together without me?

Uh... we're just having lunch.

- All together. - Without you.

- [Laughter] - Bye, now.

I thought you had an appointment,

- and who else is here? - Uh... nobody.

Then why is there an extra plate of food?

- It's for my cats. - And it's half-eaten because...

I had to taste it for 'em. They're very finicky.

Waiter, this is way too much Pesto

- for commander paws. - [Laughter]

Mona.

So this is why you couldn't have lunch with me,

because you're seeing my ex behind my back?

Hey, you're still seeing your father.

[Laughter]

Look, there's a logical reason why we're all here together,

which Spencer will explain to you.

As soon as I get the dessert menu.

[Laughter]

Mona, I know this looks bad.

But just because you stopped seeing chase

- doesn't mean we have to. - I can't believe you people.

No wonder I'm seeing a therapist.

You're seeing a what? I'm a therapist.

If you have problems, you come to me.

Mona, I invited them. Why don't you join us?

I think if any of you wanted me here,

I would have known before now.

Good news, guys! They've got pie!

[Laughter]

You saw all three of them together with chase?

Yeah, and, apparently, it wasn't the first time.

The also went to a gospel brunch.

- God knew and I didn't. - [Laughter]

Ooh, deceit, betrayal, alfresco dining.

I can't believe I wasn't involved.

[Laughter]

Adam: This is unforgivable.

Not only is it unforgivable, it just...

Wait a minute. Why are you so mad?

'Cause they wouldn't wait until 1:30

- when I could get there. - [Laughter]

Mona, I reviewed the numbers you messed up.

Actually, I had the intern do it.

He picked up my dry cleaning and washed my car.

- Gotta learn dude's name. - [Laughter]

Don't act like everything's normal between us.

- You cheated on me! - Cheated?

Yes! Sharing artichoke and spinach dip

with chase smack in the middle of the day!

- What say you, traitor? - [Laughter]

I say that attitude is the reason

we pretended we couldn't wait for you.

- [Laughter] - Be that way.

Now I'm glad I ate that pie you left in the fridge.

[Laughter]

Look, Mona, you're my girl and all,

but the truth is chase has a 220 bowling average,

and I don't want him quittin' the league.

That can mess up the rhythm I got with bowling groupies.

- [Laughter] - There are bowling groupies?

Not as hot as basketball groupies,

- but they're just as eager. - [Laughter]

Mona, great work on this video budget.

Looks like you're back on your game.

Glad you got your personal problems under control.

Well, she thought she did, until she caught

her so-called friends and family lunching

with her ex-boyfriend without me.

[Laughter]

Well, my ex hung out with my best friend

- after we split. - What did you do?

Sent them a baby gift nine months later.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

- Do you have a few minutes? - Sure. I got five. Hold on.

Ceci, send a memo to the troops.

Instead of 10:00, we'll be working till 10:05 tonight.

[Laughter]

It's really too bad. I was trying

to dismiss everybody a little early, but...

[Laughter]

Brett, your troops are overworked.

Have you noticed half the staff

is wearing the same clothes as yesterday,

which means they never went home?

You know what?

I'm gonna tell everybody to keep a spare set of clothes

and a deodorant stick in their car.

[Laughter]

Ceci, I have another memo.

You about to have another assistant.

[Laughter]

Brett! People are unhappy, and... how should I say this?

- They hate you! - [Laughter]

Don't you know you get more results

when you are nice to people?

Oh. This week's lesson was brought to you by

the letter "p" and the number "5".

[Laughter]

I came to warn you, you pompous ass!

What you have on your hands

is a potentially dangerous situation.

When people are overworked, starved and sleep-deprived,

they will do damn near anything to anyone at any time.

- I'm just sayin'. - [Laughter]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold up now!

Nobody is gonna torch Brett's car.

[Laughter]

Think about it, people.

His parking garage is our parking garage.

And some of us don't have insurance.

[Laughter]

Besides, I just got flames painted on my mustang.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

I know you're upset, and I'm sorry.

Well, so much for family loyalty.

You know, this kind of backstabbing

broke up the la toya and Michael sisterhood?

[Laughter]

It's just that we all had relationships with chase, too.

I mean, he's so sweet and charming and funny.

And a great bowler! I get it.

He's a wonderful guy

who's never too embarrassed to carry my purse,

- even the knock-offs. - [Laughter]

I do miss him.

Well, then, there you go! Get back with chase.

Well, it's not that simple.

I mean, I still think I kind of, sort of feel

something for Lorenzo.

Then there you go! Get back with Lorenzo!

- [Laughter] - [Knock on door]

- Well, i... - Big Dee Dee: Hello!

Blueberry muffin, are you ok?

Because, while making

my rounds of various pharmacies,

I spotted you sneaking through an unmarked door.

I discovered that it was a shrink's office,

after giving the janitor a cocktail from the mini-bar

- i keep in my purse. - [Laughter]

You bribed a stranger to get information

about my private life?

It's like you don't even know me.

- [Laughter] - [Knock on door]

Chase...

Uh... is there somewhere we can talk?

Sure.

Look, Mona, I know I put you in an awkward position

- with your friends and family. - You kind of did.

I guess I was just trying to find my way back to you.

To let you know that I...

I really miss you.

[Cheerful humming]

What's he doin' here?

- Chase, you remember Lorenzo. - [Laughter]

What I'm doing here is minding my business.

Maybe you should try minding yours.

Uhm, Lorenzo, you remember chase.

[Laughter]

Maybe what happens with Mona is my business.

Great. Everybody remembers everybody.

Really? Since when?

Since you were a fool to let her go.

Well, you were the fool that let her go first.

Wow, fighting over who dumped me first.

I am feeling good.

[Laughter]

Mona...

See what you did?

Man, that was all you. Go home!

- I am home. You go home. - [Laughter]

Oh, I'll go home. But I'll be back.

[Introductory musical note]

So, now that we've talked about my dad,

the pony, the whole "Mona-alona" experience,

and all the crappy birthdays,

I think we pretty much covered it. So thanks,

and I promise to mail back the magazines I stole.

[Laughter]

All right then. Good luck.

Are you really gonna let me walk out...

- Wait, you're doing it again. - [Laughter]

It's a good trick, and I do it well.

[Laughter]

You know, it's interesting

how your running away from our work here

mirrors your inability to deal with chase and Lorenzo.

Well, what am I supposed to do? I can't date both of them.

You can't? Sure you can.

Oh, wait, let me just check. Yeah, I'm right. It's not 1855.

[Laughter]

But playing with their feelings doesn't seem very fair.

This is not about them.

You have the right to make informed choices.

Take charge of your own life

and leave your parents' mistakes out of it.

Well, if you can help me do that,

you deserve a peace prize, doc.

[Laughter]

- Actually, I'm good with cash. - [Laughter]

- Well, good morning, Thorne. - What's good about it?

[Laughter]

I was up until 4:00 A.M. revising the third draft

of your stupid report,

which is why my hair looks like this.

[Laughter]

This is great. Gus is gonna be psyched.

Where is everybody?

Oh, well, I thought about what you said

about, you know, overworking everybody,

so I decided to give everyone the day off

to make up for my somewhat overzealous managerial style.

[Laughter]

Wow.

You actually listened to me.

Yeah, not so much you as my inner voice

after my conversation with you.

[Laughter]

Plus the fact that I didn't want anyone

- to torch my Porsche. - [Laughter]

So why didn't I know about this day off?

Did I forget to put one of these memos

- in your box last night? - [Laughter]

My bad. Look at that.

I put a little happy face on it and everything for you.

Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you

lookin' out for me, you know? Thanks for, uh, havin' my back.

- Anytime. - Oh, and, Thorne,

you know that I got yours.

[Phone rings]

Gmg, good morning. Hey, Gus!

What do you mean, where the hell is everybody?

- Where are you? - [Laughter]

You... he's upstairs in his office.

[Laughter]

He must have come back early.

Um... uh, honestly, I don't know.

I... I... you know, its funny. I was... I was up all night

working on that pre-draft report,

[laughter]

And when I get in this morning, uh... [laughs]

Thorne had given everybody the day off.

Don't know why. Yeah, I'll send her

right up! No problem. Bye-bye!

Wow. He wants to see you upstairs in his office.

[Laughs] That sucks.

[Laughter]

Playin' with the big boys now, Thorne. [Clicks tongue]

Well, it's too bad that you put out a memo

giving everyone the day off and signed your name to it.

- [Laughter] - Thorne? Thorne?

- [Laughs] You wouldn't do that. - Watch me.

Oh, and, uh, don't go too far.

I have a feeling Gus is gonna want to see you

- in his office, too. - [Laughter]

Oh, oh! [Clicks tongue]

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

[Thinking] I've discovered

an entirely new concept.

Instead of sitting back and letting things happen,

I'm gonna take charge and make things happen.

I think I'm gonna date chase and Lorenzo.

Somehow, what seemed like a problem

now seems kind of exciting... Unless they both reject me.

No, wait! That's the old Mona. New Mona is in charge.

Now, I brought you both together

because it pains me to see two people I love fighting.

And we have dinner reservations,

so let's get to the "sorrys." Phyllis, you go first.

[Laughter]

Why me? Her own mother's a therapist,

and she goes to see someone else?

No wonder the American family is fallin' apart.

[Laughter]

Ma, you know too much about the situation.

I needed somebody impartial.

Besides, Dr. Swenson didn't mean anything to me.

And, if it makes you feel any better,

I thought about you the whole time.

You did?

Then I'm sorry I cheated on you, too.

And if it makes you feel any better,

all we did with chase was talk about you.

Ok, ten minutes till our reservation.

- Let's wrap this up in the car! - [Laughter]

So just promise you'll never see Dr. Swenson again.

But it's just that I've got a...

Oh, for the love of god, just promise!

We're losing our table as we speak!

[Laughter]

But I prepaid. I still have eight more sessions.

She got you to prepay? She's good!

- Maybe I ought to go see her. - [Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0