Original subtitles

- Dee Dee: Whoo... - [Big Dee Dee giggles]

I don't understand why you put so much effort

into putting outfits together.

Didn't think you would, jelly doughnut.

[Laughter]

I need to look my best while Gus is writing

my six-month performance review.

And after I land

the cinnamon and toasted honey o's account,

he'll have no choice but to give me a great one.

I love the commercial

where the little bee flies out of the box

and shouts, "show me the honey."

[Laughter]

Well, I do.

Just so you know, Dee, I'd give you a kiss,

but the collagen in my lower lip hasn't set.

- I'll kiss you next Tuesday. - [Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪ [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Adam, Spencer and I are starving.

Our lunch was supposed to be here an hour ago.

- Oh, it's here. - [Laughter]

- Since when? - An hour ago.

- [Laughter] - You wanna bring it in here?

[Laughter]

- Oh, I'm sorry. - [Laughter]

Do I have to do everything around here?

Should I chew your food for you as well?

[Laughter]

Looks like you already did. Half my burrito's gone.

Man, you're not still mad we didn't give you money

for that pyramid scheme, are you?

It wasn't a pyramid scheme. It was a three-tiered

financial portfolio opportunity.

[Laughter]

It would've secured a down payment

on my dream home.

With a little left over for new pants.

- [Laughter] - Call it what you want.

I don't think it was a good idea.

- Oh, you've started thinking? - [Laughter]

Congratulations!

You know, Adam, maybe you could save your money

if you stopped playing the dizzy dollar sweepstakes,

lotto games and naked bingo tournaments.

Adam: Technically, it's not naked bingo.

- We wear hats. - [Laughter]

And it's easy for you to say. Daddy's not paying my rent.

All right. That's enough.

Spell "enough." Here's a hint. There are no fs.

[Laughter]

Oops, 2:00.

Time for your meeting with Kai.

You know how angry she gets when you bring in food.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

- So set that for 4:30. - Got it.

All right. Thank you.

Wow. Look at you. You look great.

Wow, Brett.

I didn't think you had the capacity to be nice.

- [Laughter] - [Scoffs] I don't.

I'm practicing.

I have a courtesy meeting with Dennis rodman later.

It's gonna be hard to keep a straight face

- for that freak show. - [Laughter]

Well, even you can't get to me this week

because after Gus finishes writing my performance review,

I'll have a long-term contract

and you'll have a long-term Dee Dee Thorne in your side.

Oh, is that why you're all dressed up?

You know, you could've saved yourself a ton of time

- and, uh... a bunny's life. - [Laughter]

Gus had to leave town early for the Dominican Republic

to scout their national baseball team.

He's not gonna be back for, like, weeks.

You mean, he's not here?

Probably not gonna do that well on the listening part

- of the review, huh? - [Laughter]

Don't worry about it, Thorne. Worry about the meeting

we got coming up with that cereal company.

- "Show me the honey." [Laughs] - [Laughter]

- I love that little bee. - [Laughter]

Look, girl, I know I'm new here and I'm not one to gossip,

but I heard you're still getting reviewed.

- [Laughter] - But Gus isn't here.

Well, I know I'm new here, and I'm not one to gossip,

but I heard someone else was gonna give you your review.

[Laughter]

Who?

Well, I'm new here and I'm not...

- One to gossip! - [Laughter]

I got that, Ceci!

- Who's doing my review? - Can't tell you.

Let's just say, he lives this. He breathes... This.

- Brett! - [Mumbles]

He is doing my review!

Gus figured Brett could give you

the most accurate assessment

'cause you work together the most.

- But Brett hates me. - Yes, he does.

[Laughter]

Wait, wait, wait!

What else can you find out for me?

Girl, please, I hate getting into people's business.

- Mm-mm. No, ma'am! - [Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

I've spent months at gmg proving myself

and now my bad rapport with Brett

could cost me my job.

Is this all you got to eat?

[Laughter]

'Cause I need something with sugar, salt,

- and preservatives. - [Laughter]

Ma, we are not here to eat. We are here to help Dee Dee.

You know how you can't watch a movie without popcorn?

Well, I can't help family for free

without something to chew on.

[Laughter]

Try your cud.

[Laughter]

Try being sober.

[Laughter]

You know, normally I'd find

your little banter with each other

mildly amusing, but I'm on the brink here!

[Laughter]

Not to worry, dear. I have happy pills

I can crush into some applesauce.

[Laughter]

Why not crush it under your hoof

- like you do your husband? - [Laughter]

Sweetheart, I know you're upset over this review,

but Brett is just a man.

Simply socialize with him outside the office.

You may find you have more in common than you think.

She's right.

A little kissing up could go a long way.

Worked with me and Kai and we are very friendly.

In a distant, I'm your boss,

don't get too friendly kind of way.

[Laughter]

Well, problem solved. Good for us.

Next meltdown, have better snacks.

I want something fried up in here.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Adam, I gave you a twenty to buy this latté.

- Where's my change? - You only gave me a five.

Then I'll give you another five.

Five seconds to give me the change back

- from that twenty. - [Laughter]

Five, four...

Oh, look what I just found in my petty cash envelope.

[Laughter]

My mother tries this crap all the time.

- [Elevator bell rings] - I'm on to it.

I'm looking for an Adam benet.

If you're a bill collector, he died.

[Laughter]

If you're his online match from man on manischevitz,

- you found him. - [Laughter]

- And if you're a doctor, I do. - [Laughter]

I'm no doctor,

but I'm about to deliver some good news.

[Adam screams]

Adam benet,

on behalf of dizzy dollar sweepstakes,

we're here to present you this check

- for $1.4 million! - [Screams]

[Audience cheering and laughing]

- Adam just won $1.4 million. - He what?

[High-pitched cheer]

The millionaire receptionist is leaving the building.

- You're not quitting? - No.

- That's a first. - [Laughter]

Maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't.

Doesn't really matter, 'cause I'm rich, bitch!

[Laughter]

- This is the best prank ever. - So, we got Adam back,

so when are we gonna tell him the truth?

I was gonna follow him and tell him in the lobby,

but it's funnier than I thought.

Let's milk it 'til tomorrow.

[Introductory musical note]

I have to say, Dee Dee, I'm really surprised

that you invited me out for a meal.

I thought if we got to know each other better, personally,

we could be more effective professionally.

Give it up, Thorne. You know I'm the one writing

your performance review.

Really? I didn't know you did that type of thing!

[Laughter]

Really? You know, that's so strange

because my assistant Ceci

was telling everybody in the office.

For somebody's who's not one to gossip,

- she sure has a big mouth. - [Laughter]

All this wining and dining

is you just trying to influence your review,

and I'm telling you it cannot be done.

Although I'm really enjoying watching you try.

[Laughter]

Brett, I just have a modicum of concern

that the historical context of our relationship

might overshadow my accomplishments

of the last six months.

Those are very big words, Thorne.

[Laughter]

I'll make sure to check the right box

- under "uses words well." - [Laughter]

What else will you be saying on your review?

Well, that's for me to know... And you to lose sleep over.

[Laughter]

I see you finally suckered someone into taking you out.

[Laughter]

- This is the best you can do? - [Laughter]

Anyway, would you like a sake cocktail?

It's courtesy of the little big spender

in the Paisley smoking jacket.

Something tells me he's gay.

[Laughter]

That is so sweet of Adam to treat.

I'll have a sake.

Uh, not for me. It's a little strong.

Can't hang, huh? Just like at work.

[Laughter]

On second thought, I'll have two.

[Laughter]

- Sorry. We're at capacity. - There's two seats right there.

Don't make me go Rosa Parks up in here.

- [Laughter] - That section's been reserved

by San Francisco's newest millionaire.

Oh, my god.

Adam is spending money he doesn't actually have.

- Yeah. So what's new? - [Laughter]

This time, it's our fault.

And you are?

Mona and Spencer to see Mr. Benet.

- Ah, yes, the "have nots." - [Laughter]

Do you have an appointment? I'm guessing, you... have not.

[Scoffs] George, we need to talk to Adam.

Hurry, everyone.

Neimans is staying open late for me.

We need to go shopping for Lindsay Lohan's party

at the top of the mart.

George: Ooh, la Lohan is having a party.

- And I love being on top. - [Laughter]

I should get a good review

because I landed Dwight Mitchell.

Plus I got gmg publicity on Rodney peete's show.

By showing your hump to america.

[Laughter]

Plus, you almost lost ace Blackwell.

We could go fack and borth all night,

but we really need to get a taxi.

You're right. You're right.

You know what, I'll check the bill.

[Laughs]

I'm gonna bill the check. I'm gonna pay.

[Laughter]

I'm paying for this takee socktail,

- not you. - [Laughter]

You're gonna pay? Well, I'm having one more then.

All right? Excuse me! Hey, one more, ok?

[Introductory musical note]

[Cheerful humming]

[Laughter]

This is nice.

Brett: [Moans]

[Laughter]

[Both scream]

Oh, my...

How desperate are you

for a good performance review, woman?

[Laughter]

Oh, my god. What have we done?

Well, my pants are still on, so...

Probably none of the good stuff.

[Laughter]

Then why do you have my lipstick

smeared across your face?

What?

You know what? It's not really my color.

- [Laughter] - I cannot believe

you took advantage of me like this.

- I feel dirty. - [Laughter]

- How do you think I feel? - Like a lucky, lucky woman.

[Laughter]

And when you speak of this, and you will...

- Be proud. I am not easy. - [Laughter]

Oh, my...

Our endorsement meeting is in one hour.

- I have to go. - You... wait!

- What? - Shh!

- Ok, it's all clear. - It's all clear?

Great.

- One hour. - Shut up!

[Both mumbling]

[Laughter]

Wow, looks like Dee Dee's taking kissing up

to a whole new level.

[Laughter]

Well, you must be Brett. I'm Mona's mother.

And just 'cause you've crossed ethical lines with Dee Dee

doesn't mean I'll judge you. God'll do that.

[Mona giggles]

- This isn't what it looks like. - [Phyllis] Really?

'Cause it looks like Dee Dee just got a promotion.

[Both laugh]

[Introductory musical note]

In addition, gmg has a very impressive roster.

We have athletes in a wide range of sports

that appeal to a mass market.

And that is why our clients are the perfect match

for your cereal.

Very impressive.

You do have the type of athletes

my company can stand behind.

And I also have to say,

you two have an amazing rapport.

Very cohesive.

You must work together intimately.

Intimately? What are you trying to say, man?

[Laughter]

He didn't mean anything by that.

He was just saying that we work well with each other.

Yeah, like when partners have been together

for a long time...

Hey, enough with the insinuations, pal.

[Laughter]

What we are is professional.

We can't even stand to be in the same room together.

If it wasn't for gmg,

we wouldn't even come near each other.

- Ok. That's good to know. - [Laughter]

Thanks for the clarification.

I have a few other meetings to attend,

I'll have someone get back to you.

- Separately, if you prefer. - [Laughter]

[Phone rings]

Delicious records. Hold, please.

[Phone rings]

Good morning, non-millionaires!

[Laughter]

Adam, we've been trying to get you on the phone.

Oh, well, if you were rich like me

you could pay someone to do that.

- And, he does. - [Laughter]

- You gotta stop spending money. - Oh, you're so sweet to care!

George, give her a twenty

and tell her never to speak to me again.

[Laughter]

Adam, where you been?

I got no one to cut out articles about me

or tell me who's sleeping with whom around here.

Sorry, I can no longer provide those services.

It was a pipe dream to think

that I could be rich and fabulous

and rich and still work here.

What the hell are you talking about?

I am California's newest millionaire.

Adam, no, you're n...

I believe we just paid you not to speak.

[Laughter]

- I quit. - You what?

No, no. Don't try to hold me back.

I'm too rich to be reasonable.

Hey, if that's what you really want, fine.

Dave?

Looks like you just got a new career.

But, Kai, I don't want Adam's crappy job. I...

[Phone rings]

Have a call on line two.

Delicious records. Hold, please.

Adam, could Spencer and i...

Have some parting words with you in my office?

Well, I guess I can speak with you once more.

But make it fast.

There's a limo waiting to take us to napa.

Ooh, that reminds me. I have to go rent the limo.

[Laughter]

I know it won't be the same without me.

But no amount of begging can convince me

to keep running on this wheel with the rest of you hamsters.

[Laughter]

Adam: You what?

[Yelling] I'm what?

[Laughter]

- Adam: Noooo! [Sobbing] - [Laughter]

Wow, Adam's really ugly when he cries.

[Scoffs] You think he'll be curled up under your desk

long enough for me to get the camera out of my car?

[Adam screams and cries]

[Introductory musical note]

This is ridiculous, Thorne.

It's the only way we're ever gonna feel

comfortable working together again.

We have to retrace our steps from the other night

to figure out how what happened happened.

Fine.

I see you're back.

She hasn't found a way to repulse you yet?

[Laughter]

She will.

We are not a couple. We are simply here to have

the exact same meal we had last night.

Sake and all.

Unless you know what happened last night, Tina.

Two sake cocktails coming right up.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

This is nice.

Brett: [Moans]

[Laughter]

[Both scream]

Oh, damn, damn, damn!

Damn!

How the hell did this happen again?

I don't know.

Hello, hello. Whoa.

Brett, how lovely to see you.

With your shirt open. In my daughter's apartment.

I can see you're both working early

in front of a romantic fire

because obviously your heater's broken.

- [Laughter] - Yes. That's exactly it.

Good answer. You'll be going now.

- Ok. Bye bye. - [Laughter]

How could you?

Acting like you were raised by wolves.

- Or Phyllis. - [Laughter]

You're the one who encouraged me

to socialize with him.

You're certainly old enough to decide

who you're gonna hook up with. But mother taught you better.

You gonna end up on the floor with a man,

it better be on a mink coat with a pocketful of diamonds.

[Laughter]

If you make somebody cry,

don't expect it not to get back to me.

[Laughter]

And when you do something wrong,

you have to be punished.

My job is to decide what that punishment is.

Actually, that's my favorite part of the job.

[Laughter]

But, Kai, it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Yeah, we were just doing it for fun.

[Laughter]

Then here comes the really fun part.

The idiots down in manufacturing,

they put parental advisory stickers

on all the Tiffany and Serena cds.

Not a dirty word on them. Guess who's scraping them off?

Who?

[Laughter]

Yeah, but, Kai, that's like 100,000 stickers.

- It'll take forever. - [Laughter]

And we said we were sorry. Besides...

I just got a man manicure.

[Laughter]

That's a sissy ass reason not to do it.

[Laughter]

It's the only one I got.

I'll give you a better one. You're both vps.

I'm not gonna have you scraping off anything.

Just thought I'd mess with you so you could see how Adam felt.

And check this...

Nobody pulls pranks in my office but me. Got it?

- Got it. - Got it.

- Good. - [Laughter]

Yes, there are two vehicles illegally parked

in the delicious records garage.

They're in spaces

belonging to a Mona Thorne and a Spencer Williams.

Please have them towed immediately. Thank you!

[Laughter]

This doesn't look good, does it?

No. It doesn't.

We're done with the pranks around here.

Right after you give me the number to that tow company.

My mother used my credit card without asking again.

Somebody's hobbling home from the mall.

[Laughter]

[Knock on door]

- Yeah? - You got a moment?

Sure. What's up?

I just finished reading my review.

Do you really think I have the potential

to be one of the top sports agents

on the west coast?

Wouldn't have written it if I didn't.

And you really think that I've proven myself

- to be a proficient... - Yeah, you don't need

- to read it out loud, Thorne. - [Laughter]

It was hard enough writing it.

[Laughter]

Although, it's all true.

Thank you, Brett. This really means a lot.

Don't get all mushy on me, Thorne.

[Laughter]

I need you to stay on your game, all right?

By the way, I talked that cereal rep

into meeting with us again.

That's great. How did you do that?

It wasn't that hard really.

I just told him the first time around

you were all hyped up on medication.

[Laughter]

Fine. I'll take one for the team.

And I'll be ready.

You know, we really do work well together.

Yeah. We do.

I guess I'm stuck with you.

Do me a favor though, all right?

Just try and find a way to work through this obvious...

- Infatuation you have for me. - [Laughter]

Seek professional help, if necessary.

[Laughter]

[Musical note]

And what did you observe after that?

You guys had noodles, sake, and didn't tip worth a damn.

[Laughter]

- You know, the usual. - [Laughter]

No. Not the usual.

'Cause I ended up spooning with a man

that I can't stand. Twice. In my apartment.

- Twice. - [Laughter]

Oh, that. Yeah, I know. I drove you home. Twice.

You'll find the transportation fee

- on your credit card. - [Laughter]

- Twice. - [Laughter]

You drove us? I don't remember any of that.

That's because my grandfather's "sock it to me" sake

is pretty potent stuff.

You see all these people here?

Most of them are retracing their steps.

[Laughter]

They've done some pretty crazy things.

You should check out the pictures on my website.

- Noodlehousegonewild.com. - [Laughter]

I better not be on there.

Then you shouldn't have signed the waiver.

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0