Original subtitles

Now, I know you're wondering why I gathered you here today.

I have an announcement to make.

You're engaged to a tall, rich athlete.

I haven't given you enough credit.

Let me see the rock.

[Laughter]

I'm not engaged, mother.

- You got fired. - What did I tell you?

I'll tell you what I told you.

I told you your job was too good to be true.

I get the Sunday coupons for you later.

I keep extras in the car.

You know, this isn't nearly as much fun

as I thought it would be.

Mona, care to dump any rain on my parade?

Are you announcing you've gotten so skinny

you've started shopping at gap kids?

- [Laughter] - No.

Then I'm good.

Well, what I wanted to say

is that I'm going to be a guest

on sports beat with Rodney peete.

Mona: The show that you TiVo all the time?

- How did you swing that? - Dwight Mitchell,

the basketball player I signed,

was a guest and he talked me up.

Plus they wanted to highlight young female sports agents

and, well, I was the only one they could find.

[Laughter]

Another star in the family.

We'll be like Goldie hawn and Kate Hudson.

You and Goldie certainly get your lips from the same place.

[Laughter]

I think this will be a great opportunity

for me to discuss the role of women

in a male-dominated arena.

And feel free to mention your older sister

and the positive influence she's had on you

becoming the strong woman that you are.

All of which she learned from her inspiring,

courageous mother,

so feel free to talk about that.

You certainly are courageous.

Your willingness to wear sleeveless tops in summer

- proves that. - [Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪ [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

I'll admit I had concerns

signing a famous party girl socialite

with no singing experience,

but dalis, your single "what's up y'all,"

- it's hot. - Hotter than my sex tape?

[Laughter]

Well, let's not get carried away.

I took the Liberty of preparing you

a half-decaf double-tall soy

180 degree extra-foamy caramel machiatto.

I thought demille would need to do her business about now.

I'd be happy to take her for a walk.

- You'd do that for me? - I'd do anything for you.

Ah, I haven't heard that since this morning.

[Laughter]

Well, now that I've approved the single,

Mona and Spencer will fill you in

on the concept for the video shoot.

I can't believe how hard you guys are working.

Hey, you're a top priority.

We want to nurture your career for the long-term.

Get this video done fast.

You know how quickly these little white girls

- go out of style. - [Laughter]

So, dalis, I think you'll like

what we have in mind for the video.

Spencer: The opening is tight.

Picture it... the music starts,

you're strutting down the street.

Suddenly, as the beat kicks in,

you're surrounded by hundreds of yourself.

Everywhere you look, there you are.

You're all looking into pink diamond compact mirrors.

My god! It's perfect. The only thing better than me

is lots of me.

[Laughter]

I had a feeling you'd love it.

And, Spencer, I love the trailer you got for me.

I can't believe you found one

with a spa, a sun bed, and a suede interior.

We want our star to be happy no matter how many

- dead cows it takes. - [Laughter]

I've returned, successful.

Although if anyone's walking out,

I'd avoid the north side of the lobby.

[Laughter]

So, dalis, we'll see you in a few days.

I'll escort you to your car.

I've called your driver.

Thanks. He's like the most helpful guy

I've never slept with.

[Laughter]

You know, there's something different about Adam

- when he's around dalis. - He does his job?

Yeah, that's it.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

When you're on sports beat with Rodney peete,

you're representing gmg.

So make sure you know your stuff

so you don't embarrass the company, ok?

I know what to say, Brett.

Fine!

I'm just saying, Rodney peete is a sharp guy.

He'll call you on it

if you don't know what you're talking about.

If I were you, I would just play it safe,

stick to complimenting his wife.

Like, after four kids, she's still hot.

[Laughter]

Dee Dee: I'm not sure talking about how hot his wife is

is the way to go,

but I will mention the book she wrote on football.

It's become my second Bible.

[Laughter]

'Cause that's not kissing his ass.

[Laughter]

Don't worry. I've got it handled.

Brett: Ok, I'm just...

[laughter]

I'm just saying,

this interview is a very big step

for chick agents,

so don't act like... Well, a chick and blow it.

[Laughter]

Dee Dee: First of all, we're women.

And maybe, just maybe,

you're jealous because this woman is doing the show

and you're not.

Please. I did my first TV interview when I was 18.

My only concern here is...

[laughter]

Is you.

I don't want to see you make a fool of yourself

in front of millions of people.

Brett, the only person making a fool of themselves

is you trying to keep up with me.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

[Phone ringing in background]

Hey, Spencer, do know where Adam is?

Usually he's in the break room

taking bites out of people's lunches.

[Laughter]

Dalis called me last night for a personal assistant.

Since Adam doesn't do any work around here,

I volunteered him.

But, who's gonna answer the phones?

Same person who always does... not Adam.

[Laughter]

I can't believe you'd do this

without consulting me.

Hey, I am v.P. Of marketing.

Dalis is used to being treated a certain way.

She got a new Mercedes,

just for being seen passed out in one.

We can't afford to spoil our artists like that.

Dalis isn't like our other artists.

True. Our other artists actually have talent.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

may I present dalis?

No eye contact, please. That includes the dog.

[Laughter]

What's up, y'all?

Hey, dalis, we were actually...

Enough with the small talk. We're here on business.

I don't know if I can take this seriously

from someone whose idea of working is reloading

- the stapler. - [Laughs hysterically]

- Well, believe it, sister. - [Laughter]

Something very important has come to our attention.

A radio junket dalis is scheduled to do tomorrow

begins at 4 A.M.

[Sucking teeth] We find that unacceptable.

Yeah! Who knew to be on the radio at 7:00

on the east coast means being up at 4:00 on the west?

Really, that's just stupid.

[Laughter]

That's stupid? I'll tell you what's stupid.

Not doing the radio junket.

[Stutters] What I think Mona is trying to say is

doing radio is important to get the word out

about your single.

Please! We're talking about dalis.

People are aware of her every move.

We want them to be aware

that she's making moves with her clothes on.

[Laughter]

What Mona is saying is not everybody knows

you crossed over into music.

The publicity can help with that.

What I'm saying is dalis is doing the junket.

What I think Mona is trying to say is

we'd really like you to do this.

Stop arguing mom and dad. It's Christmas!

[Laughter]

Sorry. Flashback.

[Phone ringing in background]

Spencer: Look, dalis,

is there anything we can do to change your mind?

I don't know, it is early,

but if I had a purse as cute as Mona's,

it might be easier to get out of bed in the morning.

You want my purse?

I didn't say that,

I just think hobo-chic is hot right now.

[Laughter]

Then consider it yours.

- But it's mine. - And it's hers now.

[Laughter]

Here, dalis, a gift from delicious.

Oh! It's gonna make a perfect home for demille.

[Laughter]

Cute. All right, I'll do the interviews.

Just give my assistant the details.

You two should really be more professional.

And someone should man the phones out there.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

So, we're here with Jose canseco,

whose book sold really well.

Actually, I've been all over the country on my book tour

meeting all my fans and Chicago is interesting.

Speaking of interesting, my wife wrote a book

about football.

[Laughter]

See, honey, I worked it in.

[Laughter]

Hey, I got to share a bed with that woman.

[Laughter]

Do what you got to do.

So, what's next for Jose canseco?

We're prepping for a movie in L.A.

This is my martial arts choreographer David Lee.

Believe it or not, he gets paid to kick my ass.

[Laughter]

- I love my job. - [Laughter]

Can we see some of that ass-kicking?

In fact, I think we have a couple of stage hands

who happen to be bringing in a big mat.

A woman in this line of work has definite challenges.

Men often don't respect a female voice...

- Wait, you forgot something. - I thought I sounded good.

You sounded fine. I'm talking about how you look.

Mother swears by this olay eye-lifting serum.

The camera adds 10 years. This cream takes away 5.

[Laughter]

Whatever you do, Dave,

don't hit the face. That's where the money is.

[Laughter]

I'll hit you wherever I want to hit you.

[Laughter]

Wow, you're pretty good with that, pall.

[Screams]

[Laughter]

I guess that's what they call a home run.

[Laughter]

[Trainer screams]

You know,

refrigerator Perry threw me around like that once.

[Laughter]

Mom, what are you doing?

There's cameras around. You never know.

I might accidentally step in front of one.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

Rodney: Our next guest recently signed

basketball star Dwight Mitchell

to her roster.

She's a young, up-and-coming female agent

who's making a name for herself.

Please, welcome Dee Dee Thorne.

[Applause]

[Audience gasps]

- [Slow motion] Oh... my...! - [Laughter]

Damn, she fell harder than I did.

But she looked good going down.

We're going to cut to commercial.

And call the paramedics.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

- Good morning. - Not really.

I got a call from dalis at midnight

requesting a yoga instructor

because she was feeling tense.

[Laughter]

Well, I hope you got her one.

No, I did not. I put a stop to the madness.

I made it clear that she won't be getting

any more perks from us.

That includes my purses, my shoes,

or anything else she wants to stuff her dog into.

[Elevator bell rings]

Problem identified, problem solved.

Morning, commoners.

Just passing on a message from dalis.

"I've decided I no longer like

the concept, location, or wardrobe

for the video shoot,

so I won't be a part of it tomorrow.

You guys are screwed."

- That last part was from me. - [Laughter]

Are you serious?

I never joke about rich-heiress pop-culture icons.

If you'll excuse me,

dalis and I are off to get matching Brazilians.

Interpret that how you wish.

[Laughter]

Now look what you've done.

My way was working.

If you hadn't turned down her piddly requests,

she'd be at the video shoot.

She wouldn't be asking for any of this stuff

if you had the grape nuts to ever say no to anything.

Me and my grape nuts are saying no now.

You have no star, no video,

and no one to help fix this mess.

Rodney peete: Please welcome Dee Dee Thorne.

This is my favorite part.

The look on Dee Dee's face mid-fall

when she realizes she's going down.

[Laughs]

It's even funnier in reverse.

[Laughter]

Ma! We shouldn't be watching this over and over...

Oh my god, look at Rodney peete's eyes

when she starts falling towards him.

[Laughing hysterically]

Hello, hello.

I got Dee Dee in the hallway

and I need to lift her spirits.

I figure spending time with the two of you

will help her realize

how much worse things could be.

[Laughter]

Come in, Dee Dee. It's a safe place.

Doesn't she look great today?

Oh, yeah. Never better.

You can't even look me in the eye

after what happened today

on sports beat with Rodney peete!

Was that today? I totally forgot.

I don't even get the channel.

Liars!

You know you all saw me on the ground ass-up.

[Laughter]

At least your thighs didn't jiggle

when your legs were in the air.

And your eyes didn't look puffy at all.

And they only showed the studio audience

laughing and pointing at you for a second

before they cut to commercial.

[Laughter]

Which was even worse.

I never even got a chance to speak.

They played my fall over and over.

Well...

At least I'm not as pathetic as the guy

who hit himself in the head with a shot put.

Actually, you replaced him as clip of the week.

[Introductory musical note]

Kai: I'm impressed with you two.

Everything here looks good.

Which makes me think something is wrong.

I'll go snoop around,

see if I can find some problems.

[Laughter]

See. I told you the way to handle dalis

was to be tough on her.

I had our attorneys inform her

that if she didn't show,

she'd be in breach of contract.

When she knew I was playing hardball, she caved.

Morning, people I used to pretend to work for.

Spencer, I just wanted to let you know

dalis appreciates the personal trainer,

the chef, and the hunky masseuse.

The last part was for me.

[Laughter]

Hey, dalis was annoyed when you got all legal on her.

So, I gave her a few perks to keep her happy.

Why do you keep indulging this Princess?

Indulgence is what the music business

is all about.

As long as we get what we need,

who cares how we get it?

The old pimp and ho philosophy.

[Laughter]

Look,

you've never been behind this dalis project.

Sometimes you have to spend money to make money.

So, we're spending on dalis,

and she'll make it back with a whole lot of zeroes.

Bad news. Dalis just heard about this party in New York

she wants to go to.

So she's decided she won't do the video today.

She suggested shooting around her until she gets back.

We can't shoot around her!

She's the only one in the video!

Then I guess things will have to wait.

In the meantime,

if anyone needs me, I'll be hanging with diddy.

Holla!

[Laughter]

Well, since apparently you're handling things,

I guess you'll tell Kai about this.

Tell me about what?

Uh... that you should go check out

the chocolate fountain over at the buffet.

I don't believe you.

- I can explain. - No you can't.

You know how much I like to dip things in chocolate.

And food, too?

How could you wait this long to tell me?

[Laughter]

That bought you 5 minutes. Now what?

I'll talk to dalis and straighten things out.

Watch how a man handles his business.

[Mona giggles]

Do we really need a video for this single?

[Laughter]

We? You were handling things, remember?

[Scoffs] Oh, come on, Mona, you gotta help.

Why should I?

'Cause I was wrong. I need you. Satisfied?

Mmm... not enough to have a cigarette, but I'll take it.

[Laughter]

Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.

Now that's how a man should handle his business.

[Laughter]

Brett: Hey, hey, hey! There she is.

Our star agent.

You know, I have to tell you,

I was a little skeptical about your first TV appearance,

but you proved me wrong.

You really were able to show america...

Your best side.

[Laughter]

I prefer not to talk while I work out.

Oh, yeah! Sure, sure! I'm just saying,

it was one small step for woman,

but it was one giant trip for womankind.

[Laughter]

- Uh-huh. - Hey,

at least you got attention for the agency.

It's too bad we didn't think to put gmg across your butt.

[Laughter]

Right.

Hey, Dee Dee,

back and forth, that's what we do.

Why aren't you doing what we do?

- [Laughter] - Come on, it's your turn.

You got to come back at me.

Have you seen this outfit that I'm wearing?

[Laughter]

Hey...

Seriously,

it's not that big a deal, ok?

I mean,

anybody could have made a fool of themselves on national TV.

[Laughter]

Wait a minute. That didn't sound right!

- Although it was accurate. - [Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Hey, guys, have a great time in New York.

Thanks. Sorry you'll have to reschedule the video.

Oh, we're not rescheduling.

We just don't need you anymore.

But it's my video.

Dalis, meet Jenny. Your replacement.

- The lady from the kitchen? - [Laughter]

What's up, y'all?

Hey, that's my line.

Exactly.

With the right angles and video image trickery,

we can get Jenny to look more like you than you do.

And, Jenny has her own purse.

[Laughter]

But I want to be in the video.

I don't want my fans to think I look like this.

When I take off the apron and the hair net,

I'm pretty hot.

[Laughter]

I don't always smell like tacquitos.

[Laughter]

Which reminds me, you're low on chicken kabobs.

You might want to get on that.

And we're lucky to have Jenny,

because we can't reschedule this shoot.

Really? Not even for me?

Nope.

Oh...

Well, I guess I can see diddy any day.

We're gonna diss diddy for a stupid video?

I just hemmed my Sean John pants!

[Laughter]

So, I'll stick around.

Can I just go make a few calls in my trailer?

No. I think you should go to set.

Now.

Out of my way, food peasant!

[Laughter]

I told you that would do it.

[Sighs] Sorry I didn't listen in the first place.

So, uhm...

Does this mean I'm not in the video?

'Cause I already called my parents.

[Laughter]

Oh, we're really sorry about this,

but we'll make it up to you.

There you are!

Jenny, why are you standing around?

We're out of bananas at the chocolate fountain.

[Laughter]

Why are we paying you?

Get your ass over there and ride that range, girl.

[Laughter]

Ok, we'll make it up to her later.

[Introductory musical note]

Brett! How did you get me back on so quickly?

It wasn't that hard.

You appearance was the most replayed moment

in the history of the show.

[Laughter]

I wouldn't be surprised if someone's out there right now

- waxing the floors. - [Laughter]

Whatever you did, I really appreciate it.

Don't get emotional. I did it for gmg, not for you.

Don't think I'd waste emotion on you.

I'm just happy to get the chance to redeem myself.

I'm happy you'll get to show america

more than your bottom side.

Now, put these on. I prestuffed

the soles for maximum traction.

- [Laughter] - Dee Dee: Put it away.

I know you enjoyed her the first time.

Well, she's back for more.

Please, welcome sports agent Dee Dee Thorne.

[Applause]

I certainly hope things go better today.

- Could it really go any worse? - [Laughter]

Thanks for joining us again, Dee Dee.

I'm glad you were able to make it...

All the way... to the chair.

[Laughter]

It's an honor to be here, Rodney.

My presence proves that female agents

are a force to be reckoned with.

Let's hear it for women everywhere.

Girl power! Yay!

- Whoa! - [Laughter]

Well, folks, it looks like we got

- a new clip of the week! - [Laughter]

[Thinking]: Well, it was a bad week for divas.

It took everything Spencer and I could do

to keep that celebutante under control,

but we did it.

And as for the other diva in my life,

I have to admit, I took a little pleasure

in seeing 10 years of charm school and ballet

not pay off in such a public way.

The next time my sister gets too full of herself,

I'll just pull out my new favorite DVD

to give her a reality check.

After all, that's what sisters are for.

[Soft music]

[Introductory theme song]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0