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1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:03,284
Ok, chase. There's
something I gotta do,
2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:04,737
and it's not gonna be pretty.
3
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:06,500
I tried to put it off,
but the time has come,
4
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:07,828
and like ripping off a band-aid,
5
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,620
if I do it fast,
maybe it won't hurt.
6
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,361
Ma, chase. Chase, ma.
7
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:14,227
[Laughter]
8
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:16,098
It's really nice to
meet you, chase.
9
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,540
I brought you my famous
Phyllis navidadfruitcake.
10
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,147
[Laughter]
11
00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:22,537
I have heard so many
great things about you.
12
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:25,461
- So cute. So handsome.
- [Chase chuckles]
13
00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:28,328
Pleasure to meet
you, too, Mrs. Thorne.
14
00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:31,809
What's wrong with
you? No interrogation?
15
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,821
No humiliating anecdotes
about my childhood?
16
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:36,043
- No request for grandbabies?
- [Laughter]
17
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,393
Nope. I'm good. See ya.
18
00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:42,170
Ok, this is not the
woman I told you about.
19
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,129
- I swear she's crazy.
- [Laughter]
20
00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:46,658
Oh, Mona, by the way,
don't drink too much eggnog.
21
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:48,382
You know how it gives
you the bubble guts.
22
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:49,919
[Laughter]
23
00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,486
Now that's the
mom I told you about.
24
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,618
[Introductory theme song]
25
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:59,886
♪ through this
journey of discovery ♪
26
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:04,412
♪ you finding you
I'm finding me ♪
27
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:07,109
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪
28
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:09,547
♪ who brings out the joy ♪
29
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,684
♪ brings out the
joy inside of me ♪
30
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,117
♪ inside of me ♪
31
00:01:14,204 --> 00:01:16,214
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪
32
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,773
♪ all we need is lovin' ♪
33
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:21,731
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪
34
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,910
♪ you and me ♪
35
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,906
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪
36
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,779
[Ironic laughter]
37
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,269
[Introductory musical note]
38
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:35,623
Mona, you've been
straightening up for over an hour.
39
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:37,554
I never thought I'd say
this about your apartment,
40
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:38,855
but there's nothing
left to be done.
41
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:40,361
[Laughter]
42
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,748
I know. I like things
to be nice for chase,
43
00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:44,361
and would it kill you
to use a coaster?
44
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:48,504
Wow. Usually you don't
start obsessing like this
45
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:50,846
over a guy until after
you've slept with him.
46
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:52,846
[Laughter] [Cheerful humming]
47
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,124
- What was that?
- Uhm, what?
48
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:59,083
That guilty pause
you took there. Wait.
49
00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:00,862
You already slept
with him, didn't you?
50
00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:02,506
All right, I did.
51
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,300
Why didn't you tell me?
52
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:06,685
Well, we've only been
dating for a few weeks,
53
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:09,608
and usually, I wait at least
six dates before I, you know...
54
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,504
Give it up? Lay it on
him? Open the cookie jar?
55
00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:12,872
[Laughter]
56
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,959
Well, yeah, and I don't want
him to think i'm, you know...
57
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,489
A floozy? A whore? A trick?
58
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,363
[Laughter]
59
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,664
Working with all guys.
60
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,150
Has really improved
your vocabulary.
61
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:26,357
Well, now that you've
given him that gift,
62
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,800
what's he supposed to
unwrap on Christmas morning?
63
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,667
I don't have enough
to worry about?
64
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,109
I'm already thinking
65
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,235
I've gone too fast,
too soon with chase.
66
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:36,678
I'm just not sure I'm
strong enough to resist him.
67
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,765
In fact, I know I'm not.
68
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,424
Well, if it'll help, I can stay
a while after he gets here,
69
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:42,919
and we'll talk about
the pros and cons,
70
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,555
of the raiders' offense
and then no one
71
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,512
will feel the need to
take their clothes off.
72
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,911
- [Laughter]
- Good idea. Thank you, Dee Dee.
73
00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:49,994
[Knock on door]
74
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,000
[Both] Hey.
75
00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,090
[Laughter]
76
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,444
[Cheerful humming]
77
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:09,189
Well, glad I could help.
78
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,356
[Laughter]
79
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:11,711
[Introductory musical note]
80
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,668
You know what Glen
did for me today?
81
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,539
He organized my spice rack.
82
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:18,071
I loves me some him.
83
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,464
[Laughter]
84
00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:21,767
You know what chase
did? He made me dinner,
85
00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:24,603
and he stayed for breakfast.
And he made that, too. [Laughs]
86
00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:26,642
I got a man. You got a man.
87
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,898
Life is pretty good
for the Thorne birds.
88
00:03:28,991 --> 00:03:30,431
[Knock on door]
89
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:31,694
Ho ho hello.
90
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,556
[Laughter]
91
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,218
Our streak just ended.
92
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,002
[Laughter]
93
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,476
We have a little announcement.
94
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,386
Hmm. "A gala celebration
95
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:42,961
of excellence. The
bay area legends ball."
96
00:03:43,048 --> 00:03:44,398
Well, what is this?
97
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:46,265
Mother is throwing
her own legends ball
98
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:48,136
since she was inspired by Oprah.
99
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,188
Don't you mean snubbed by Oprah?
100
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,543
[Laughter]
101
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,282
A postal snafu.
102
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,973
I will be honoring
influential actors, musicians,
103
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,721
all those politicians.
104
00:03:57,802 --> 00:04:00,412
Sugar lump, you must come.
All the stars will be there.
105
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:01,851
It's a perfect opportunity
106
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,937
to expose you to
civilized society.
107
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,586
So, what are we
supposed to wear?
108
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,270
You can wear your
fuzzy slippers and robe.
109
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:09,250
- You're not invited.
- [Laughter]
110
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:13,251
It's for important
people. Lots to do. Ta ta.
111
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,470
[Laughter]
112
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,128
Don't feel bad. I
doubt I'd be invited
113
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,524
if I weren't coordinating
the whole thing.
114
00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:21,908
[Cell phone rings]
115
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,920
Ooh, it's Glen. It's
our sweet talk time.
116
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:25,612
I'm going in the other room.
117
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,550
I thought you came over so
we can have bonding time.
118
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:30,051
I've been bonding with you
for 28 years. We're good.
119
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,309
[Laughter]
120
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:32,581
So needy!
121
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:33,843
[Laughter]
122
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,095
[Introductory musical note]
123
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:39,451
So? What's your big news?
This is a place of business,
124
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,590
and some of us have to
pretend like we're working.
125
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:42,982
[Laughter]
126
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,325
I wanted to share my news
127
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:45,724
with the people I see every day,
128
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,107
my co-workers, my friends,
129
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:48,679
and those who I
pass in the hallway
130
00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,766
and choose not to speak to.
131
00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:52,465
[Laughter]
132
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:54,953
Since I got promoted and
it's the season for giving,
133
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,303
I figured I'd treat
myself to a big, new toy.
134
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,044
Who just bought
that big ass truck
135
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:00,604
takin' up three parking spaces?
136
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:01,781
[Laughter]
137
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,556
Spencer, you bought a truck.
138
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:07,181
Not just any truck.
It's the new onslaught.
139
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:09,223
Don't you know the
first rule of business?
140
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,399
No one should have a
bigger car than the boss.
141
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:12,485
That would be me.
142
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,009
[Laughter]
143
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:15,766
The second rule is when
the boss gets to work,
144
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,453
the workers should be working.
145
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:18,804
That'd be you.
146
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,623
[Laughter]
147
00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:23,241
And not pretending
like they're working.
148
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,543
That would be you.
149
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:25,628
[Laughter]
150
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,210
Mona. You missed
the staff meeting.
151
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:31,456
Where were you?
152
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,248
It's over? It never
ends this early.
153
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,993
You weren't there
to give the a&r report.
154
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,353
Without your
long-winded details,
155
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:37,823
we finished in record time.
156
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,302
[Laughter]
157
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:40,912
I'm just running a little late.
158
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,302
Chase and I overslept.
159
00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,126
Don't worry. We covered for you.
160
00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:46,654
Thank you.
161
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,607
Well, look who
decided to join us.
162
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:51,436
Hi. I'm really
sorry that I'm late.
163
00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:53,085
No worries. Adam already told me
164
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:55,308
about your sister's
emergency appendectomy.
165
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,248
Spencer told me you had to
have your stomach pumped
166
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,599
after an episode
with a bad shrimp.
167
00:05:58,619 --> 00:05:59,619
Rough morning, huh?
168
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:02,187
Kai, you know I wouldn't be late
169
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,894
unless I had a
really good reason.
170
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:05,542
What's done is done,
171
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,336
but the next time you get
your friends to lie for you,
172
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,147
pick somebody with some
sense. That would not be you,
173
00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:12,019
and that definitely
would not be you.
174
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,460
[Laughter]
175
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,237
[Introductory musical note]
176
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,251
- [Knock on door]
- Thank you so much. Bye-bye.
177
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,343
Hey, how's my little
party planner doing?
178
00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:22,032
Well, I just ordered 30
cases of champagne,
179
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,360
and I got the Christmas garland
180
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,713
and the mistletoe
for the ballroom.
181
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,172
Mother's finally approved
182
00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:28,035
the second mold for
her ice sculpture bust.
183
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,626
She thought the first one
made her look like little Richard.
184
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:30,780
[Laughter]
185
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,168
I saw it. She was right.
186
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,088
Well, there is a
little bad news.
187
00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,478
I just got the responses
188
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,401
from ten legends
who can't attend.
189
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,356
The poitiers, the spielbergs,
190
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,534
the cosbys, and not one Jackson.
191
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,100
Not even tito?
192
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,447
[Laughter]
193
00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:47,886
Not even rebbie.
194
00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:49,632
[Laughter]
195
00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,983
I don't get it. Mother's
always supporting their causes.
196
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,803
Well, just keep planning.
197
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:55,681
Your mother's been a
little depressed lately
198
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,553
about her acting
career not taking off.
199
00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,334
So, this party has
got to be a success.
200
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,379
Money is no object.
201
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:03,624
I've never actually heard
you speak those words before.
202
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,381
I know. I accidentally took one
203
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,039
of your mother's
pills this morning.
204
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,253
[Laughter]
205
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:10,731
[Frantic knocking on door]
206
00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,132
- Hi, Mona.
- Spencer, I'm kinda busy.
207
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:17,998
Doing what? I need help!
208
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,829
Hey, Spence. What's up?
209
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,177
[Cheerful humming]
210
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:24,049
Oh, now I know
what you were doing.
211
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,139
[Laughter]
212
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:28,492
Did you want something?
213
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,488
Just a few bucks
until next week.
214
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,580
I had to pay my mortgage
today and get my hair did.
215
00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:33,669
[Laughter]
216
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,586
I'm taking a date
to dinner tonight,
217
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,413
and I'm coming
up a little short.
218
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:40,171
You don't have enough money
to pay for your date's dinner?
219
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:41,458
- That's sad.
- [Laughter]
220
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,856
My new onslaught's
got a 30-gallon tank.
221
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,122
It's putting a hurtin' on
the brother's finances.
222
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:49,245
Well, probably something
you should've thought about
223
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,044
before you sunk
your life savings
224
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,482
- into your Christmas present.
- But this truck is my dream!
225
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,261
[Scoffs]
226
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,535
Even if it only gets 10 miles
per gallon on the highway.
227
00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,565
[Laughter]
228
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:03,659
Unless I'm carting one
of my healthier honeys,
229
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,094
then I'm down to 7.
230
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:06,960
[Laughter]
231
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,311
Well, I drive a hybrid that
gets 60 miles per gallon.
232
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:10,621
See, the more fuel we burn,
233
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:11,817
the more carbon
dioxide we create,
234
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:12,969
and everybody knows
235
00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:14,417
that contributes
to global warming.
236
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:16,504
[Laughter]
237
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,948
So, Mona, you gonna
lend me all that cash?
238
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:21,978
[Laughter]
239
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,551
- Whatever makes you go away.
- Yes.
240
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:27,375
Oh, and try to date
some skinny girl,
241
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:28,643
so this will last longer.
242
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:29,725
[Laughter]
243
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:31,951
[Introductory musical note]
244
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,472
[Knock on door]
245
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,562
You're late. Grab
a box of chocolates
246
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,737
and a Dee Dee la
fontaine cd and get to tying.
247
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,392
Sorry. I got kind of
wrapped up with chase.
248
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,349
Yeah, yeah. More sex
than you can handle.
249
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:46,477
Stop bragging.
250
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,009
[Laughter]
251
00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:50,092
Well, when chase
and I first started dating,
252
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:51,531
we talked all the time,
253
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,878
and we had a real
spiritual connection.
254
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:56,228
Now it's nothing but
hot and sweaty passion.
255
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:58,578
Only you can turn
great sex into a problem.
256
00:08:58,668 --> 00:08:59,798
[Laughter]
257
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,367
You find something you like,
258
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:02,983
and you overindulge
until you burn out.
259
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,594
You did it with
those spicy noodles,
260
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,264
you did it with
spongebob, and now chase.
261
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:07,814
[Laughter]
262
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,895
I know. I'm just a
weak, horny starch lover
263
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,334
addicted to a kooky sea sponge.
264
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,810
[Laughter]
265
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,510
Take a breather so you can enjoy
266
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,207
other parts of
your relationship.
267
00:09:16,294 --> 00:09:18,174
Muster up some will
power and tell chase:
268
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:19,823
"No, thank you. Not tonight."
269
00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:22,777
Well, easy for you to
say. You're not gettin' any.
270
00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:24,426
Sorry. Still bragging.
271
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:27,605
Anyway, how's the
legends ball coming?
272
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,787
Fine, if any legends
were actually coming.
273
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,963
They've all rsvp'd no.
274
00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:34,969
I just hope my mother's strong
enough to handle the news.
275
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,662
Why's my life a living hell?
276
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:40,489
I've been turned down for
the lowest of acting jobs.
277
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,280
I was so desperate, I auditioned
278
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:43,994
for the Oakland children's
theater production
279
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,238
of a lonely toad.
280
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:46,463
[Laughter]
281
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,303
Apparently, I didn't
capture the true essence
282
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:50,371
of mama hippity hop.
283
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:51,849
[Laughter]
284
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:54,379
There'll be other roles, mom.
285
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:57,553
I'm no fool. My acting
career is hanging by a thread.
286
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,140
The only thing I
have to look forward to
287
00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:01,693
is my legends ball.
How's that going, dear?
288
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,125
Uh, the ball is, uh...
289
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:06,082
Gonna be like nothing
you ever imagined.
290
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,300
[Laughter]
291
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:08,649
[Introductory musical note]
292
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,000
[Knock on door]
293
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:15,531
Chase. What are you doing here?
294
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,825
Thought I'd surprise you.
295
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,622
Can't work late on
an empty stomach.
296
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,706
Aw. That's so sweet.
297
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,965
It's also a cover.
298
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:25,928
I just couldn't stay
away from you.
299
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,543
I don't think this is
such a good idea.
300
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,461
I still have a lot
of work to do.
301
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:34,545
Like what?
302
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,460
Um, oh. I forgot.
303
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:38,549
[Laughter]
304
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,037
[Laughter]
305
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:53,436
[Introductory musical note]
306
00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:57,476
[Animated song]
307
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,309
Hey. Why is your new
truck collecting dust
308
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,557
in the parking structure? It
hasn't been moved in days.
309
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,137
I'm leaving it here,
because I'm trying
310
00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:05,187
to cut back on driving
until gas prices drop.
311
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:06,323
[Laughter]
312
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,277
Been riding my bike to work.
313
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,504
[Laughter]
314
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,238
And stealing food
from the mouths
315
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,504
of hungry co-workers?
316
00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:16,236
Hard times are
spreading just like my ass
317
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,457
since I have up pilates.
318
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,416
[Laughter]
319
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,594
I prefer to think of
it as a reallocation
320
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,201
of my current lifestyle funds.
321
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,161
Broke is broke, my brother.
322
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,599
[Laughter]
323
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,896
If you're gonna take food,
324
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,271
at least wait for
the good stuff.
325
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,950
The bear claws
arrive in ten minutes.
326
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,228
I didn't know we had bear claws.
327
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:33,476
No one does.
328
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:34,562
[Laughter]
329
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:38,520
Mona. At last.
When I was flirting
330
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,220
with the security
guard this morning,
331
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:42,398
I found out that chase
signed in at 8:00 last night.
332
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,534
When he signed out,
he smelled like perfume,
333
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,456
his clothes were wrinkled,
and he was missing a sock.
334
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,318
[Laughter]
335
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,603
A sock I saw flung passionately
across your filing cabinet.
336
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,622
What say you?
337
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,842
I say that rent-a-cop
needs to get a life,
338
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,671
and you need to
stay out of my office.
339
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,499
So it's true.
340
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,937
You finally decided to become
a tramp like the rest of us.
341
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:02,724
[Laughter]
342
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,289
Look, I don't want to
talk to you right now.
343
00:12:05,376 --> 00:12:07,806
Mona, I need to
talk to you right now.
344
00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:09,601
- Me?
- Did I stutter?
345
00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:10,685
[Laughter]
346
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:13,602
What does she want?
347
00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:15,619
I don't know, but I'll listen
at the door and find out.
348
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:16,647
[Laughter]
349
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,867
[Laughter]
350
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:24,178
Do you have any
idea why I'm here?
351
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,435
Uh... should I?
352
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,008
[Laughter]
353
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:30,575
I decided to work
late last night.
354
00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:32,272
How late exactly?
355
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,580
Late enough to know
that I don't want to sit down
356
00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:35,886
where naked butts have been.
357
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,192
[Laughter]
358
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:39,148
That late, huh?
359
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,016
Look, it's ok to have
fun and be in love
360
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,368
and all that mess,
361
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,107
but don't let your personal life
362
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,768
get in the way of important
things, like your job.
363
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,383
Kai, I am so sorry that you
had to see what you saw,
364
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:50,604
and how much did you see?
365
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:51,862
[Laughter]
366
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,415
Too much of you,
not enough of him.
367
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,604
But the point is no one
should be having sex at work,
368
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,079
especially when the boss
is experiencing a drought.
369
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,690
[Laughter]
370
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,781
Y'all really need to learn
the rules around here.
371
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,740
Don't make me
start posting signs.
372
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:06,828
[Laughter]
373
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:10,222
[Introductory musical note]
374
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:15,966
So, Glen is taking me to
some fancy seafood spot.
375
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:17,486
Usually, I'd eat
before we go out,
376
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:18,929
that way I'm not hungry,
377
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,205
and I can order
something light and cute,
378
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,584
but it's been two months,
379
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:22,990
it's time he saw
my real appetite.
380
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,189
[Laughter]
381
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:26,631
No one needs to see that, ma.
382
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:27,718
[Knock on door]
383
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,770
[Coughs] Hey, chase.
384
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,877
Hey, Mona. Everything ok?
I've been calling you all day.
385
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,433
I'm sorry, I'm
not feeling so hot,
386
00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:40,523
so I'll call you later.
387
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:42,562
Well, baby, can I get you
some soup or something?
388
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,427
I mean, you know I
make a mean theraflu tea.
389
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:45,959
[Laughter]
390
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,782
That's sweet, but
no. I'll call you later.
391
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,520
Ok. Feel better.
392
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:51,131
What the hell was that?
393
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,701
[Laughter]
394
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,698
I just need some time to think.
395
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:57,050
You've had time. Years
by your damn self time.
396
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,320
You got a man
now. It's man time.
397
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:00,973
[Laughter]
398
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,357
I just haven't figured out
exactly how to tell chase
399
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:05,541
I think we need to
slow things down.
400
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:06,887
Try the truth.
401
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,067
Baby, your relationship
with chase is new,
402
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:13,033
and this is the time you should
be totally open and honest.
403
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:15,383
Save the lies and cover-ups
for after you're married.
404
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,203
- [Laughter]
- I suppose.
405
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,211
So, go ahead and
get it all out now
406
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,853
while he still thinks
you're interesting
407
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,583
and actually listens to
what you have to say.
408
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,600
[Laughter]
409
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,001
Oh. Cancel your
plans for Saturday.
410
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,433
You're invited to
mother's legends ball.
411
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,170
I thought I wasn't
important enough.
412
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,611
You are now. Dress pretty,
413
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,067
bring your friends,
tell your patients.
414
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,180
[Laughter]
415
00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:37,785
Sounds like my sweet 16 party.
416
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,617
I just need warm
bodies in the room.
417
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,714
It turns out it's "honor
a celebrity" season,
418
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,233
and everybody's booked.
419
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,877
Well, personally,
I think celebrities
420
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,671
get honored too much anyway.
421
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:49,795
I mean, how does being
famous equate to helping society?
422
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,279
The guy who bags our
groceries impacts our community
423
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:53,719
more than Nicole Kidman does.
424
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:54,935
[Laughter]
425
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:56,554
You just gave me an idea.
426
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,424
Oh! Are you going
to the grocery store?
427
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,896
I am depleted from all
the lovin' I've been getting.
428
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,567
I need gatorade and
drano. Ooh, not related.
429
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,287
[Laughter]
430
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:05,601
[Introductory musical note]
431
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:12,261
Dee Dee, this is
beautiful, but why is there
432
00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,126
an ice sculpture
of little Richard?
433
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,437
[Laughter]
434
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,313
It looked like my
mom an hour ago.
435
00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:18,834
[Laughter]
436
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,918
And everyone is here except her.
437
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,657
She's been practicing her
grand entrance for weeks.
438
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,098
I had to talk her out
439
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,395
of being lowered from
the ceiling on a swing.
440
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:29,151
[Laughter]
441
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:32,282
Hey, Spencer. Saw your
new onslaught outside.
442
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,846
Very nice.
443
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,813
Thanks. That's my
baby. She's pretty special.
444
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,372
The valets think so, too.
445
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,719
They're taking turns
racing it down the block.
446
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,329
I knew I should've rode my bike.
447
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:43,989
Brother can't have nothing nice!
448
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:45,073
[Laughter]
449
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:47,556
Thank you.
450
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,472
Well, the diva's
limo has arrived.
451
00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:51,247
I have to cue her
entrance music.
452
00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:54,431
She recorded it herself. I
don't make these things up.
453
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:55,998
[Laughter]
454
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,565
[Slow song]
455
00:15:57,652 --> 00:16:00,742
♪ I used to hide ♪
456
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,749
♪ where love couldn't find me ♪
457
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,272
[Applause]
458
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:06,695
[Laughter]
459
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,491
♪ What I thought
was foolish... ♪
460
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,452
Lord. How many
photographers am I paying for?
461
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:13,576
[Laughter]
462
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,278
Where's the bar I'm paying for?
463
00:16:15,365 --> 00:16:17,185
[Laughter]
464
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,200
[Song continues]
465
00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,152
Thank you so much
for honoring us tonight.
466
00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,811
We really appreciate you.
467
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:24,594
You're so welcome, so deserving,
468
00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:26,159
so ordinary. Who are you?
469
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:28,864
Excuse us.
470
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:31,084
Mom, there's something
I need to tell you.
471
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:34,124
I don't see my stars.
Where are my stars?
472
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:35,910
Instead of honoring celebrities,
473
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,215
tonight you're honoring
teachers, police officers,
474
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:40,562
social workers, nurses.
475
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:41,871
Is it Mariah Carey's nurse?
476
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,257
[Laughter]
477
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,220
These are the unsung
heroes of everyday
478
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:49,139
who really deserve
to be celebrated.
479
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:52,575
- Whose terrible idea was this?
- This event is a terrific idea.
480
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,673
Now this is a story
that needs to be told.
481
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:57,022
- It does?
- Photographer: Yes.
482
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,063
It captures the true
meaning of the season.
483
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:02,113
You're a bright, new,
philanthropic star
484
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,195
for everyone to look up to.
485
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:05,894
Can I get a picture
for the ap wire?
486
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,031
Of course. [Chuckles]
487
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:11,514
And I will hold my
lantern up to shine a light
488
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:15,025
on the unsung
heroes of everyday life.
489
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,431
Even if they're poorly dressed.
490
00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:17,823
[Applause]
491
00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:18,906
[Laughter]
492
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:22,518
[Big Dee Dee groans]
493
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,313
Glen couldn't make it, but
he wanted me to thank you
494
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,963
for acknowledging
contributions of firemen.
495
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,528
Well, his courage and
bravery should be celebrated.
496
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:33,655
Dating you is truly a
colossal act of kindness.
497
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:34,748
[Laughter]
498
00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:39,356
I'll ignore that since you're
finally doing something good.
499
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:42,279
I guess when you peel back
all those superficial layers,
500
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:44,755
there's more underneath
than just a tall, bald man.
501
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:45,886
[Big Dee Dee gasps]
502
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,237
[Laughter]
503
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:49,417
Moving along.
504
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:52,723
There is a very special
guest waiting to see you.
505
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:55,810
Mom, your very
first acting teacher.
506
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:59,170
Joanne chavis. I'm speechless.
507
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:02,602
I couldn't miss checking in
on my number one student.
508
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,560
Plus, your daughter flew
me first class from Topeka.
509
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,299
[Laughter]
510
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,700
Well, I'm afraid I haven't
lived up to that reputation.
511
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,534
The big roles
just aren't coming.
512
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:15,702
It's not about big roles,
Dee. It's about your passion.
513
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,530
And you can never be a failure
514
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,188
when you're
following your heart.
515
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,542
So true. Oh, thank
you for coming
516
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:24,452
all this way to
remind me of that.
517
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,238
Any reason to get
the hell outta Kansas.
518
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,323
[Laughter]
519
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,716
Excuse me a minute.
520
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:34,546
Baby, how did you manage
to make all this happen?
521
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:37,115
Mom, I know it's not
exactly what you wanted...
522
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,293
But it is exactly what I needed.
523
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,379
Oh, thank you. Well,
my new fans await.
524
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:43,689
- [Both laugh]
- Got get them.
525
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,467
Good job, honey.
526
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,411
Your mother's happy. I
don't know how you did it.
527
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:50,892
I don't wanna know
how much you did it for,
528
00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:52,482
but you did it.
529
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:54,476
Well, you can't put a
price on mom's happiness.
530
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:56,656
That much, huh?
531
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:57,700
[Laughter]
532
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,968
Hey. You look like
you're feeling better.
533
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,623
I am. I'm really
glad that you came.
534
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:08,319
I'm sorry that I've been
a little distant lately,
535
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:10,498
but what I've been
struggling with
536
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:14,414
is our physical relationship.
No, I mean it's great.
537
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,241
Really, really,
really great. [Laughs]
538
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:20,677
But I just think we
need to slow things down
539
00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:23,158
so we can let our emotional
connection catch up,
540
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,119
and so I can actually
get some work done
541
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,037
- and keep my job.
- [Chase laughs]
542
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,342
I'm happy to hear that.
543
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,038
- You are?
- Yeah.
544
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,255
I mean, once we
started down that path,
545
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,215
I was feeling the
pressure to keep it up.
546
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:35,873
So, I'm happy to slow down,
547
00:19:35,957 --> 00:19:37,367
because I'm not sure how
much stamina I have left.
548
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:38,393
[Mona laughs]
549
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:41,091
Wow. I thought it was just me.
550
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,750
Mona, I'm in this
for the long haul.
551
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:47,324
Ok? So, let's just take our
time and enjoy each other.
552
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,143
[Both chuckle]
553
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:51,761
Well, not that we haven't
been enjoying each other, but...
554
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,152
Yeah, I know what you mean.
555
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,405
[Introductory musical note]
556
00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:57,666
I used to be a commoner.
557
00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:58,761
[Laughter]
558
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:01,640
I have a toast.
559
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:03,112
The next time we have a problem,
560
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,032
let's just communicate.
561
00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:07,506
Agreed. Let's be
open and honest.
562
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:08,597
[Mona chuckles]
563
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:13,727
You know, being open
and honest is kinda sexy.
564
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:15,481
Yeah. I'm feeling it.
565
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:17,302
Let's go communicate
at my place.
566
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:18,780
I'll give you some
holiday cheer.
567
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:20,309
Are you gonna be
naughty or nice?
568
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:21,793
Both.
569
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:23,442
I'll get the car.
570
00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:24,606
[Laughter]
571
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,881
[Introductory theme song]
572
00:20:28,931 --> 00:20:33,481
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