Original subtitles

Thanks for helping me, Dee Dee. I really want to impress chase

- with my knowledge of wine. - No problem. Now,

this is an Australian cheraz.

I want you to smell it, sip it,

then roll it around on your tongue

and say the first thing that comes to mind.

Mmm. Grapey good.

[Laughter]

Unless it's that.

[Knock on door]

Big Dee Dee: Hello, hello. [Gasps]

Look at all these open bottles of liquor.

[Laughter]

Am I in heaven or the backseat of my mother's monte Carlo?

Perfect timing. A connoisseur has arrived.

Oh, my, yes. Nothing chases my happy pills faster.

[Laughter]

Mmm. Grapey good.

[Laughter]

That's what I said.

So, Dee, how have things been progressing

- at the sports agency? - Fine. Great.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's crap.

I'm halfway through the six months I was given

to prove myself, and all I've proven

is that I look really hot in a business suit.

Well, at least the three months weren't wasted.

If I don't sign a client of my own and show my boss

that I'm an amazing agent,

I'll go back to living on a budget

and making sensible shopping choices.

I won't go back to that hellish life.

[Laughter]

When I asked about the agency,

I was really less concerned with the ins and outs of it

and more concerned with the rich NBA players

you're meeting, dating, and potentially marrying.

So, let's start again.

Who're you meeting, dating, and potentially marrying?

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you finding you I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Hey, Brett. Got a second?

Absolutely. Let's walk and talk, Thorne.

- Try and keep up. - I always do.

[Chuckles] Not so far.

[Laughter]

Well, I've put together

a list of athletes without representation

that I'm going to go after. Tell me what you think.

Sure. Let's see. Taylor's rotator cuff is trashed.

Johnson's career is over next season.

Carmelo Anthony just signed with bda this morning,

you were like this close to getting him.

- That's heartbreaking. - [Laughter]

- Thank you. - All right.

What about Dwight Mitchell?

[Laughs] You're gonna try and sign Dwight Mitchell?

That's very cute. Sounds like a great way

to waste your last three months here.

Is there something I don't know about?

Only that every agent in the sports world

has already gone after this guy and failed.

Oh. Does every agent include you?

Well, I wouldn't technically say I failed...

Oh, so Brett mahoney failed at something.

Hey, hey! Failed is a little harsh, all right?

Especially when the task is impossible.

Dwight Mitchell doesn't trust any agents.

Oh. Was this before or after he met you?

[Chuckles] His wife Elena is an attorney

who negotiated a pretty decent NBA contract for him.

Besides, he hates anyone in a suit.

Nice suit by the way.

[Laughter]

His wife can't possibly get him the endorsements that I can.

That's where the crazy money is.

And in your case, maybe Dwight didn't hate the suit.

Maybe it was your hanky.

Do you own, like, a hundred of these?

I really don't know why you're trying so hard.

It's not likely you're going to thrive

in this business, Thorne. Generally speaking,

athletes are more interested

in sleeping with women than being represented by them.

[Cheerful humming]

Who do you think you're talking to?

There's no difference between the two of us.

God says there is.

[Laughter]

I'm tired of you constantly reminding me that I'm a woman.

At the end of this week,

this woman will have Dwight Mitchell as a client

and you'll just have your hanky.

You know, Thorne. I mean, don't get me wrong.

[Stutters] I love women.

My housekeeper's a woman.

You know, my ex-fiancé is a woman.

And the person ending this ridiculous conversation:

A woman.

And the person

who's not going to be working here much longer...

[Laughs] ...A woman.

[Laughter]

Not you. That woman.

[Introductory musical note]

All right.

Here's what I've learned about wines.

Red needs to breathe,

not all whites need to be chilled,

and pink goes in a box in your crazy aunt's trailer.

[Laughter]

Well, keep on learnin' so I can keep on samplin'.

- [Laughter] - [Knock on door]

[Mona sighs]

- Look who's here. - Drew!

[Laughter]

Well, I meant your father, but whatever.

[Laughter]

I thought you weren't allowed to watch him

after big Dee Dee found you asleep

and drew trapped under a giant pile of wigs.

[Laughter]

Charles: Tonight's an emergency.

Dee spotted Emmy glasion near the house,

so she grabbed the maids and the nanny.

They're holed up at neiman's until the heat dies down.

[Laughter]

Sometimes I think she loves the help more than me.

Don't just think it.

[Laughter]

Oh, my god.

You would not believe the day that I have had.

Drew!

[Laughter]

It's like I'm invisible!

Ooh. Cheesy.

[Laughter]

Brett, the person who's supposed to be

showing me the ropes at the agency,

is a friggin' pig!

And not only is there a glass ceiling at work,

but Brett is standing on it, smiling down at me,

and giving me the finger!

[Laughter]

But you would never treat a woman like that, would you?

Would you? That's right,

because you know women can crush men.

[Laughter]

You're scaring my boy.

[Laughter]

You're scaring me.

[Laughter]

What happened?

Brett told me

that I will never be a successful agent, because...

[Whispering] Athletes are more interested

in what's between my legs than between my ears.

- He said what? - You heard that?

I'm the father of two daughters.

When you started puberty, my hearing improved.

[Laughter]

Brett's just trying to get inside my head so I'll fail,

but I cannot fail. I will not fail.

Daddy, bring drew by when you're done here

so I can tell him the story of the little agent that could.

[Laughter]

Wow. Things are so much different at delicious.

The worst thing I've experienced

is Adam staring longingly at my chest.

[Laughter]

He does the same thing to me!

[Laughter]

I can't believe my little girl's

got to put up with this Brett guy.

[Scoffs] I agree.

Creating a hostile work environment

based on gender is cause for action.

Kai sent me to a sexual harassment seminar

after I asked how many licks it took to get

to the center of a tootsie pop.

[Laughter]

What? It's different for everybody.

[Introductory musical note]

Hey. What are you doing here?

Probably the same thing you're doing here.

Good. We'll handle Dee's little problem together.

Her office is on the 15th floor.

Let's do this, Chester.

My name's not Chester.

[Laughter]

Ooh. Fake name. Smart.

In that case, my name's not Charles.

It's shaft!

Yeah. That's it.

Shut your mouth.

[Laughter]

[Both laughing]

Oh. Lorenzo.

Hey, Mona, uh, long time, no see.

Been hiding from me?

Last time I saw you, you kissed me on the forehead.

There's nothing more to say.

Except she got a man. How you feel about that?

[Laughter]

Oh. Well, we're still neighbors.

Maybe we can get together some time.

I guess you didn't hear me the first time.

She got a man.

[Laughter]

So, it's true what they say?

You really can't reheat a soufflé?

Oh, you can reheat anything.

Wait, wait. We're talking about food, right?

[Laughter]

I know your restaurant has a strict policy

against interrupting patrons, but I really need to speak

to Dwight Mitchell. It's just that...

Stop hanging up on me!

[Knock on door]

Hey. We came to cheer you up.

We got million dollar baby, monsterand kill bill.

And a box of milk duds as big as your daddy's head.

I wish I wasn't so busy trying to get to Dwight,

because a movie about killing men really sounds delightful.

My mom and I swear by these movie marathons.

Women who are worse off than you.

Couple of those movies might skip.

With Mona's life, we've used them a lot.

[Laughter]

Hey, aren't you Dee Dee's friend?

- Yeah. - And I'm Dee Dee's father.

Oh. Very nice to meet you.

We'll see how nice it is after we're done.

Dee Dee told us how you've been treating her.

You must've forgot. Every little girl has a daddy.

[Laughter]

What's going on here, guys?

You know what this is.

[Laughter]

[Elevator bell chimes]

[All laughing]

Well, Brett, I'm glad we could work out

- our little misunderstanding. - Absolutely.

My assistant will message you guys those tickets

first thing in the morning. Courtside, right?

Cheerleaders up close. You the man, Brett.

[Chuckles] No, no, no. You both da man.

[Chuckles]

[Laughter]

- Now, that's how you do it. - Yeah.

Dee Dee's gonna thank us when she hears

how we straightened Brett out, Chester.

It's Spencer.

It's just me. Let the fake name go.

[Laughter]

Girl, you are wearing those floors out.

[Laughter]

I'd never admit it to Brett,

but I can't even get close to Dwight Mitchell.

Cell phone blocked.

E-mail returned. Home phone click.

I need a new strategy.

What would an aggressive, conniving,

ruthless man do?

You know what you need? I'll tell you what you need.

You need a resourceful, smart, sexy lady.

Ooh, do you think your mom is available?

[Laughter]

I'm talking about me. I can hunt down anybody.

Little skill I use when one of my crazies

skips out on their therapy bill.

You give me the make and model of Dwight's car,

and I'll call my friend at the dmv

and get his butt towed right to your doorstep.

[Laughter]

She can do it, too.

That's how she got my prom date to show up.

[Introductory musical note]

Good morning.

[Electronic alert beeping]

[Laughter]

[Beeps continue]

Thorne.

Mahoney.

Hey, listen. I just wanted to thank you

for sending your father and his thug

to ambush me last night.

I didn't send anybody,

and the only thug my father has is my mother.

[Laughter]

So, you don't know anyone

by the name of shaft Thorne or Chester?

[Laughter]

- Oh, no, they didn't. - Oh, yes, they did.

It seems they're very concerned with the hard time

you're having fitting into our little family,

especially shaft.

[Laughter]

You just don't see that kind of caring in the sports world.

Maybe you're ushering in a whole new era.

You know, what's next? Puppies? Crying? Pink uniforms?

[Laughter]

Excuse me. I think I hear my phone ringing.

Yeah, don't worry, Thorne.

I assured things would be different from now on,

I also filled the rest of the staff in

on your special needs.

[Laughter]

Daddy's little girl?

Yeah, I swear I did not do that.

I was the first person to laugh when I saw it, though.

[Laughter]

In fact, uhm... I'm still laughing.

[Laughs]

[Introductory musical note]

I can't believe dad and Spencer had it in 'em,

but if it makes you feel any better,

nobody's ever stood up for me like that.

Let me tell you a little story.

The place: The churro shack. The time...

Am I not suffering enough?

Hey, the little class has stories to tell, too.

Go ahead, baby. Tell your tale.

I was a young girl kneading dough

under the hot summer sun at six flags.

My co-worker, artemio, would mold his dough

into obscene shapes and force me to fry them.

Now, I was too afraid to report him,

so I just ate the dirty churros quickly

so the children wouldn't see them.

[Laughter]

Now, I gained 20 pounds that summer

and was fired for not fitting in my uniform.

That's it? You're my kid, and I'm bored.

[Laughter]

The point is I always regretted not fighting back,

and artemio ruined my love of deep-fried dough.

For a week.

[Laughter]

I can't tell you how many times

I was skipped over for promotions

because I was a woman, but I never did say anything,

'cause I needed the job and I was a single mother

to Ms. Eye patch, orthopedic shoes,

cavity-in-every-tooth over here.

Dee Dee, you have a chance to do what we didn't do,

so you've got to show the guys in your office

that you're not the incapable, fragile female

they think you are, and I'm gonna help you,

- because you got me fired up. - I love it.

Two sisters and a little boys' club takedown.

Phyllis: Well, how come only Mona can help?

You're sitting next to the most vindictive woman in town.

[Laughter]

And by vindictive, she means crazy.

And by town, she means planet.

[Laughter]

- Well, that was a bust. - This is my kind of gym.

The 2-year-wait list just for a membership?

If I can't get a membership, I can't work out.

It's perfect.

Then we're just gonna have to go with plan b.

We'll wait for Dwight to come out after he trains,

then I'll pounce.

His endorphins will be flowing. He'll be in a good mood

and receptive to my pitch.

Or he'll be tired, sweaty and annoyed

- at the sight of you. - [Laughter]

Hey, there's a coffee cart. I'll treat.

Ok, but let's make it fast.

Thanks, Tony.

Oh, my god! There he is!

[Both] Dwight! Dwight!

Whoa. Slow your roll. I mean,

you ladies are beautiful, but I'm happily married,

but here's a little something to remember me by.

Thanks for being fans.

[Laughter]

He thinks I'm just a groupie.

He thinks I'm beautiful.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Sweetheart, please let mother take you to dinner

and cheer you up.

Don't you and daddy have to go

to your bay area realtors cocktail mixer?

Ah, I hate that thing.

All those snobby society dimwits do

is brag about their Aston Martins,

their diamonds, and their stupid little dogs.

It's maddening.

[Laughter]

Well, I'm gonna pass on dinner.

This whole thing at work has ruined my appetite.

I wish your father would've taken me

to his chat with Brett.

I'd have shown that boy's derriere

what I learned as a Tallahassee rockette.

Your mother can kick like a horse.

[Laughter]

I knew this job would be challenging,

but being the only female has made it even harder.

That's because you're trying to act like a man.

If you keep doing that,

you'll always be at a disadvantage.

As a woman, you have abilities men don't.

That's where your power lies.

I've never thought about it that way.

I've been trying to play this game like a man would.

I've forgotten what I'm capable of.

Now you're cooking with estrogen,

and if you have any left over, you should give it to Phyllis.

She's looking a little nanny goat-ish around the chin.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

[Whispering] This spa is amazing.

Are you sure we're gonna find Dwight's wife here?

[Whispering] Yeah, pretty sure, 'cause she's right there!

[Laughter]

Some back-up you are.

You don't even know who the Mark is.

Ok. Now here's the plan.

I'm going to introduce myself to Elena, work my magic.

You watch the door.

I don't want to watch the door.

I watched the door at the gym. You see how that went.

Then clear the room. Do you think you can do that?

I've been doing it since elementary school.

[Laughter]

Excuse me, ma'am. It's time for your treatment.

I've already had my treatment.

Well, it's "buy one, get one free" day.

In that case, should I get the saltwater scrub

or the seaweed wrap?

I don't care. Just get out!

[Laughter]

Elena Mitchell? Hi. My name is Dee Dee Thorne.

And this is the quiet room. Let's take advantage of that.

[Laughter]

You need some muscle?

You want me to throw her off her chair?

No. Just watch the door and wait for my signal.

Ok.

What's the signal?

Just give me some room!

Perhaps you two would be

more comfortable at the city pool?

[Laughter]

Hi. Sorry. We're...

I'm a sports agent.

Smooth. Maybe next time you should be the muscle.

[Laughter]

- [Whispering] Shut up. - Ok.

[Laughter]

And I'll work night and day to make sure that your husband

gets the best treatment the sports world has to offer.

Dwight Mitchell belongs at gmg.

You don't think we've heard any of that before?

Dwight gets approached every week

by hungry, young agents giving him the same lie.

Admittedly, none of them have ever done it in a fluffy robe.

[Laughter]

Well, it's my own unique style,

but the other thing that none of them have

is my energy, drive, and passion.

I can promise no one will work harder for Dwight than me.

I'm proud of the work that I've done for my husband.

Everyone who comes to us thinks they can replace me.

Oh, I don't want to replace you!

I want to work with you.

He is a powerhouse on the basketball court,

you've obviously got the brains and the business savvy.

I just want to join your team

and take Dwight to the next level.

Elena, I know that you have never trusted agents,

but you can trust me,

and I'll have all the men at gmg working for us.

[Door opens and closes]

Uhm, how much longer you guys gonna be?

There's a group of angry women out there

and they're threatening to snap me with their towels.

[Laughter]

So, Elena, what do you say? Give me a shot.

[Introductory musical note]

Good morning.

Thorne. Hey, should I hide in my office?

Any more of your family on their way in?

[Laughter]

Sorry, mahoney. You can't get to me today.

Give it time.

[Laughter]

Hey, Dee Dee.

Elena. Dwight. Thanks for coming down.

My office is right over here.

You look familiar. Have I turned you down before?

[Laughter]

[Laughs] Well, you know, I wouldn't technically say...

Yeah, you have.

[Laughter]

I thought I recognized

that... fancy pocket thing you got.

[Laughter]

What do you have, like, a hundred of those?

Uhm, why don't you two wait in my office,

and I'll be in one second?

Hey, Brett.

Would you mind getting my clients some water?

They may get a little dehydrated

from all the paperwork they need to go over. Thanks.

Brett: Hey. Hey.

How did you land Mitchell?

Never underestimate the power of women.

Now, if you'll excuse me, daddy's little girl needs

to sign the unattainable client,

and feel free to spread that around the office.

[Laughter]

[Cheerful humming]

[Laughter]

Back to work.

[Introductory musical note]

Ok, shaft Thorne and Chester.

[Laughter]

I understand your male instinct to protect me,

and I know there was love behind that,

but if you ever get involved in my business again,

I cannot be responsible for my actions.

Honey, I was just trying to...

I know what you were trying to do. Try less.

[Laughter]

- Did she say "try less"? - I think she did.

- Talkin' to me? - The daddy.

Brett mentioned something about courtside seats.

- She knows about the seats. - Man.

Hand 'em over.

Show some mercy, woman.

[Laughter]

Show some tickets, shaft.

[Laughter]

Cheerleaders dancing in front of you

and hot dogs brought to your seat.

You're taking away all that's good in the world.

[Laughter]

Now, that's how you do a shakedown.

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

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