Original subtitles

- [All laughing] - Aw, man.

Oh, thanks for tour of the firehouse, Glen.

It's so cute the way you guys

line up all your boots and coats.

You're like the seven dwarfs, only tall and strapping.

[Laughter]

If we get called into action, we need to move fast.

Whether it's saving lives, or getting to bed.

Ain't that right, baby?

Oh, and thanks again for dislodging

that piece of burger I was choking on.

No, I'm sure you would've... Coughed it up eventually.

No, she's a choker. I still cut up her grapes.

[Laughter]

- So, how about a nightcap? - Aw, it's kind of late...

Wasn't talking to you. Nighty-night.

[Laughter]

I can't believe them. They're all over each other.

Yesterday I caught them making out in the laundry room.

- Oh, I think it's cute. - I saw tongues, Dee Dee!

[Slow song in background]

Oh, god. Here we go again.

Whenever she cranks up the smooth R&B,

it means she and Glen are getting ready

to play fireman to the rescue.

[Laughter]

Mona, maybe you wouldn't be so bothered

by your mom and her man

if you were out getting a little action of your own.

And maybe I wouldn't be so bothered

if that advice was coming from someone

who was getting some her damn self.

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

- Hey, Spence. - Hey.

Mona, before we go to lunch,

I have a little surprise for you.

You know how you've been down lately

and really annoyed that your mom

is living in our building

and not seeing anyone or getting any?

So, the surprise is that you want to depress me?

Just the opposite.

There's a new hotel called city sonoma,

which I'm sure you've never heard of

because it's hip, exclusive, and hasn't even opened yet.

City sonoma that has an amazing wine list?

Golden gate weekly called:

"A little taste of sonoma right here in the city,"

- that city sonoma? - [Laughter]

Mona, you surprise me. Usually you are months,

if not years, behind the trends.

Hey, I'm in the music business.

It's my job to know these things.

Plus, someone left their magazine in the bathroom.

[Laughter]

That was me.

[Laughter]

What were you doing in the ladies' room?

I'd rather not say.

[Laughter]

Anyway,

one of my clients is an investor,

and he got us

into the very exclusive pre-opening weekend.

They have an amazing

four-handed dead sea salt scrub.

Wow. Two trained professionals will scrub my butt at once?

[Laughter]

How can I say no to that?

[Laughter]

Well, can I go?

Although I'm not sure about the scrubbing.

I don't like strangers touching my butt.

[Laughter]

I've always depended on the kindness of strangers.

[Laughter]

Anyway. Sorry, guys, this is invitation only.

- Mona, come on. Let's go eat. - Mona: Ok.

- Bye. - Bye, boys.

[Scoffs]. You know, a brother's always

being excluded from exclusive things.

What if I told you I could get you in?

- How you going do that? - I'd rather not say.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got a meeting in the ladies' room.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Here's to our sisters only weekend.

Just you and me. Ooh!

And two handsome guys. Hello.

Hello, ladies.

I'm Marcus. This is Steve.

Can we buy you two beautiful women a drink?

Thanks, but we already have drinks

and we just want to be by ourselves, ok?

[Laughter]

Then why'd you come to a single's weekend?

[Laughter]

Yeah!

Why did I come to a single's weekend?

[Laughter]

I'm sorry, Mona,

but I didn't think you would've come,

if you had known.

Well, thanks for thinking I'm so pathetic

that you couldn't even tell me the truth.

I did it out of love. I love you, Mona.

[Laughter]

Well, don't love me so much.

Look, you have trouble picking guys on your own.

You always tend to go for the scrubs.

It is my sisterly duty to help you.

And maybe I'll find myself a man, too.

Fine. Let me know when you find our husbands.

[Laughter]

- [Scoffs] - Hi.

Look, I'm just here to order some wine.

[Chuckles] That's cool.

The house red's pretty tasty.

Right now, I could go for vino in a box.

[Laughter]

Uh, another one of these for...

Mona.

- For Mona. - [Mona laughs]

I'm chase.

I'd ask you if you come here often,

but this is opening night.

Well, then I'd ask where have you been all my life,

but I'm really bad at cheesy pick-up lines.

[Both laugh]

Well, that makes two of us.

Oh. It's funny how two complete strangers

can have so much in common.

[Mona chuckles]

Oh, how much?

Oh, I've got this.

Mona: Aw!

Let me guess, chase, you don't have your wallet?

Hi. I'm Dee Dee, Mona's sister.

Mona needs to go now. Bye.

[Laughter]

Going for another broke ass brother?

I can't let you out of my sight for a minute.

- [Laughter] - But he's cute.

Mona, the man doesn't have a wallet,

and the bartender already knows his name.

Congratulations.

You've found the one penniless drunk in the place.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Oh, wow.

Now that I've had four hands on my butt,

I could never go back to two.

[Laughter]

Ladies.

What are you guys doing here?

Basking in the afterglow of our spa treatments

and parading around in our robes commando-style.

[Laughter]

But, Spence, how are you paying for this?

You've got a mortgage.

Adam's buddy George got us in for free.

His company designed the landscape.

The Buddha garden was my vision.

[Laughter]

Now we're off for a private wine tasting

with the hotel sommelier.

- Ta-ta. - Tootles.

Whatever.

[Laughter]

I guess Adam's got some juice. [Laughs]

Oh! Mona...

I'd like to introduce you to Ellis and Connor.

And I'd like to introduce you to a 2001 Pinot noir.

I say we sniff, sip and enjoy.

Mmm. This has a very long finish.

Exactly.

And it shows fresh aroma of cherry with oaky overtones.

- [Laughing] I'm sorry. - [Laughter]

But when you say wine tastes oaky,

it makes me laugh.

[Laughter]

There's nothing funny about

fermented fruit aging in an oak barrel.

[Laughing]

Excuse me.

[Mona continues to laugh]

Oh, thank god you're here.

Hide me. They're talking about wine.

[Laughing]

Well, I don't like to talk about it,

I just like to drink it.

Oh!

And, apparently, I just like to wear it.

[Laughing]

Hey, what are you doing back there?

Oh, it's cool I work here.

Oh!

I have a little confession to make.

I went to write the word sonoma on the food order today

and accidentally wrote, "so, Mona."

[Laughter]

I think you were a little bit on my mind.

Well, I guess I thought about you a little, too.

- Yeah? - At the omelet station,

at the pool, during my massage.

Oh, that must be the wine talking.

Really? Because most of it is on your robe.

[Laughter]

Then I guess it's me.

[Both chuckle]

Hi. Dee Dee again.

Mona needs to go now. Bye.

[Laughter]

Didn't I tell you not to talk to that mooching barfly?

No, no, no. It's ok. He works here.

Even worse!

Mona, we're not playing "find a barkeep."

We're playing "find a successful, worthy man."

Now, Conner and Ellis are waiting in the hot tub.

Let's get out there before those two white chicks

from Eureka get to them.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

[Sighs]

Oh. Nice outfit.

If you close your eyes and concentrate really hard,

you might be able to shrink yourself down and fit into it.

[Laughter]

It's for Dee Dee.

Unlike you, I try to give my daughter the finer things.

Speaking of finer,

you remember my boyfriend, Glen?

He's finer than your husband.

[Laughter]

Hey, we met in the skybox.

I was Phyllis' date. You questioned my eyesight?

Now I'm questioning your sanity.

- [Laughter] - You see this?

That's a fireman muscle. It's big,

and I get to touch it anytime I want.

It's just this type of obnoxious behavior

that caused your daughter to seek refuge

at a 5-star hotel.

Well, maybe if other people

were as happy as we are, they wouldn't be

so concerned with other people's business.

Good one, baby.

Besides, Mona and Dee Dee went to have a girl's weekend.

Oh, Phyllis.

First, you chase Charles away, now, your own daughter.

If only you could chase away that double chin.

[Laughter]

Wow. You were right.

She does lash out to mask her own shortcomings.

[Laughter]

Phyllis, your man has clown feet.

Your man looks like

a Billy d. Williams shrinky-dink.

[Laughter]

It's not fair. There's two of you now.

[Introductory musical note]

Adam, you've got some really high-powered friends.

I met a councilman,

the president of the free clinic

and the biggest stock broker in the city.

That was Vincent Walker.

We dated once, but his early morning hours

and go-get-her attitude drove us apart.

[Laughter]

Adam, he dumped you. Tick-tock. Get over it.

[Laughter]

[Stutters] That dude's gay?

Course not. He just dates men.

[Laughter]

Is that how we got hooked up this weekend?

Here's a news flash. Being a short Filipino

doesn't get me in a lot of places.

But being gay, I could pretty much get

the key to the city if I wanted.

We're like the mafia, only without the back hair

- and the high-carb diet. - [Laughter]

We've got connections all over town.

Theaters, museums, midnight tours of Alcatraz.

It's called Alcatraz after dark.

It's just like oz.

Except there's a candlelight buffet.

[Scoffs] With all your connections,

you should be doing a lot better.

[Scoffs] Tell me about it. Who knew sleeping around

- wouldn't get you to the top? - [Laughter]

I'd have no self-esteem at all if I weren't so cute.

[Laughter]

[All laughing]

- Good night, ladies. - See you tomorrow.

Bye.

[Deep sigh]

You and Connor look really good together.

And thanks to him,

I will never put ice in my wine again.

[Laughter]

See? I know what's best for you.

And what's best is listening to me

and letting me hook you up with a great guy like Connor.

Yeah. And I do deserve to be

with a guy who at least has a wallet.

I'm so glad you came to your senses.

- [Mona laughs] - Well...

Good night, Mona.

Yep. Off to bed. Good night.

[Door closes]

[Laughter]

- Hi. - [Laughs]

We better talk fast before

"Mona needs to go now, bye" pulls you away.

[Laughter]

No, no. Not this time. My sister's asleep.

Good.

So, what's your pleasure?

Well, something mellow and sweet,

with just a hint of sexy.

[Slow song]

[Cheerful humming]

[Introductory musical note]

Mona, have you told Dee Dee you're dating chase?

No. I don't want her to start meddling

until I'm sure things with chase are solid.

Wait! How did you know about us?

The gay grapevine is powerful.

[Laughter]

[Scoffs] I'm telling you, Mona,

since I've been hanging out with Adam and his crew,

I get vip parking at the gym,

free condoms, and half price on 400 thread count sheets.

[Laughter]

Woman, them sheets are soft.

[Laughter]

[Knock on door]

Well, I guess when people think you're gay,

the world is your oyster.

Nobody thinks I'm gay.

[Mona groans]

- Hello, beautiful. - Hey, chase. What a surprise.

Uh, come in, come in. Quick, quick.

Uh, chase, this is Spencer. Spencer, this is chase.

- Spencer: Yo, what up? - Hey.

I recognize you from last weekend.

Hey, look, city sonoma is having a gay and lesbian

wine tasting next Friday,

you should stop by.

[Stutters] No. See, I'm not gay.

Just some of my friends are.

[Laughter]

Whatever makes you comfortable, man.

[Laughter]

Hey, I know we were gonna meet at the movies,

but I wanted to see my girl in her element.

- Mona, are you in there? - Ah, just a minute.

Uhm...

Chase, why don't you set the movies up in my bedroom?

The screen's bigger, the sound is better...

Hey, it's your bedroom, you don't have to convince me.

- Mona: Ok! - [Laughter]

Hey, you haven't used the chain

since you got high and watched silence of the lambs.

[Laughter]

Why can't I come in?

I'm clipping my toenails.

Say no more.

I just came by to tell you that I talked to Ellis,

and he told me that Connor is really into you,

so I've arranged for a double date.

Tomorrow night, oh, no noodle, 7:30.

Yay, great! Ok, bye.

[Laughter]

I know.

You know, if I hadn't lied and manipulated you

into going on that single's weekend,

you never would've met such a wonderful man.

You're right about that. Bye!

[Laughter]

Look at you, juggling two men.

Girlfriend, you're just pimpin' all over the world.

[Laughter]

Now, why would anyone think you're gay?

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Favorite vacation?

Heliskiing in cortina, Italy. Dee Dee?

Horseback riding in the Sahara. Connor?

Learning falconry from sheikh Mohammed in Dubai.

Mona?

I went to Hawaii once.

[Laughter]

Saw a turtle.

[Laughter]

Always nice.

Chase: Ok, I'll have your order here tomorrow.

Uh, excuse me.

Sure.

Chase?

Chase, what are you doing here?

I'm working. And I'd ask you the same thing,

but it's obvious you're on a date.

Oh, no. It's not a real date. I'm just pretending,

so my sister won't find out about us.

- Nice cover, Mona. - No, really.

My sister doesn't like you,

so I was trying to protect you by throwing her off your scent.

The girl's a bloodhound.

Listen, I'm not into playing games.

I'll see you around.

- But, chase... - Dee Dee: Mona.

What is going on between you two?

I've been dating chase behind your back.

But why?

I didn't want to have to explain him.

I just wanted to get to know him,

and now, thanks to you,

I'll probably never see him again.

I only got involved because I care about you.

I did it out of love.

No, you did it because you're a control freak

who thinks she knows what's best for everyone.

We are two very different people, Dee Dee.

When you start to respect that, that'll be love.

What's wrong? You look upset. Beautiful, but upset.

[Laughter]

Ellis vandergelder, where have you been?

You've missed two parties and three aerobics classes.

- And that was just yesterday. - [Laughter]

Uh, I've been busy.

Go away.

Reynaldo's been downing vodka tonics

and listening to sade wondering where you've been.

You can't just disappear on him.

Your one-month anniversary's coming up.

[Laughter]

Ellis, you're gay?

Are you on the downlow?

Oh, god, no. I was never going to touch you.

It's just that you're so fabulous.

I wanted to be near you.

He fell in love with a diva. Happens to the best of us.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

[Steps]

I find it interesting that before you moved in,

Mona was always here.

And now that you're here, she's always gone.

I wish you were gone.

[Laughter]

I'm merely suggesting that Mona may be feeling

a bit too crowded since more relatives

and their boyfriends showed up.

Mona seems fine to me.

From the looks of your eye makeup,

I should've known subtly was not your forte.

[Laughter]

Your sordid love life is driving your daughter away.

Marinade on that,

to put into food terms you'd understand.

[Laughter]

[Door closes]

Two against one does work, even if one of them is a dog.

[Barks]

[Laughs]

You again.

What can I get you?

I'll have a glass

of montrachet domaine De la romani Conti, 1978.

That's served by the bottle at $23,000 a pop.

Only seven exist in the United States.

You sure?

Nah, I was just testing your knowledge of wine.

[Laughter]

I'll have a club soda.

And an explanation

for why you're not talking to my sister.

Why do you care? I thought you didn't like me.

It's not that I don't like you. Ok, doesn't matter

if I like you or not because Mona really likes you.

I got in the way of you two hooking up.

I never should've interfered in her life.

But isn't that what you're doing right now?

I'm still talking, chase.

[Laughter]

Look, the bottom line

is I just want what's best for Mona.

Don't blame her for my craziness.

Give her another chance.

Things just got too complicated,

and I don't like complicated things.

Few men do, but most women worth having

are just a little bit complicated.

I'll give it some thought.

And I'll stay out of it.

But can you think about it while you're talking to her?

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

[Knock on door]

Uh, chase, I didn't expect to see you again.

And you probably wouldn't have

if your sister hadn't come by.

Now I see the insanity that forced you

to keep our relationship a secret.

[Laughter]

I want to start over.

You do?

First, I'd like to come in.

[Laughter]

Oh, sorry. Come on.

Look, I think we should have total disclosure.

Uh-oh, that's not always good.

[Laughter]

Well, it's about city sonoma.

I kind of own it.

You own city sonoma?

I also own a winery.

And that's why I was at the noodle bar the other day.

They bought ten cases of my best cabernet.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

Well, when we met, it was opening weekend,

and I just wanted to mix in with the guests

and get their honest reactions to the place.

Yeah, but what about after that?

You had plenty of chances.

Standing in line at the movie theater,

sitting at the red light,

listening to each other fall asleep on the phone.

[Chase chuckles]

I just thought it was nice that...

That you liked me for me,

and not for my wallet.

It's funny 'cause when I met you,

I didn't even think you had a wallet.

[Laughter]

I know.

[Soft song]

[Mona thinking] So, after all these months

of waiting for a nice guy to come along,

I just may have gotten a teeny tiny nibble.

I'm trying not to get too excited about chase,

because I don't want to jinx us,

but I am excited about him.

[Door opens]

Hi, Mona.

So, my guy's rich and your guy's gay.

Care to comment?

[Laughter]

Bye, Mona.

[Laughter]

[Slow song]

Phyllis: Push, Glen, push!

You could make it fit.

Just put your back into it.

[Laughter]

Glen: I'm giving you all I got, woman!

[Laughter]

Keep going without me.

For god's sake, mom, people can hear you!

I can hear you!

Don't start complaining.

- I'll be gone soon enough. - Oh, please,

not the "you'll miss me when I'm dead" speech.

No, it's the "you'll miss me

when I'm out of the building" speech.

- What? - Well, I just got to thinking

that maybe things were getting too crowded around here,

so I found a place that's close to my baby

and not too far from you, either.

She can hit my place, the pub n' taco,

her hair shop and cat toys unlimited

in a quarter-mile loop.

That sounds perfect. I'm happy for you two.

Well, don't be a stranger.

[Laughter]

I won't be. I still have a spare key

to your apartment.

And don't change the lock, Glen has an axe.

[Laughter]

Which I only use in case of emergencies

or for our Saturday nights

when we play fireman and the rescue.

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0