Original subtitles

[Knocking]

Hey, Dee Dee.

You want to go see Usher Friday night?

I can get us tickets.

Wait. I thought Friday night

was your 10 year high school reunion.

Oh, it is.

That's why I'm going to the Usher concert.

Ah, I remember my high school reunion.

The place: Herbert hoover high,

rocky mountain, north Carolina.

The year: Unimportant.

Mom, you know what's unimportant right now?

One of your stories.

And Mona, what are you talking about?

You already rsvp'd.

No, you rsvp'd.

You filled out the card and sent it in for me

without asking.

I never wanted to go.

This whole disagreement can be solved

if someone would let me finish my story.

Fine. Let's hear it.

If you insist.

I was the only one in the history of the school

to win the triple crown: Prom queen, homecoming queen,

and queen of the honeysuckle Rose parade.

Naturally, I could imagine that I would be named

reunion queen as well.

But when the lights dimmed

in the festively decorated gymnasium,

I had that all too familiar feeling.

And lo an behold, a queen once more.

So, the moral is:

Once fabulous, always fabulous.

Yeah, but I wasn't fabulous.

How does that moral apply to me?

It doesn't, buttercup.

I just said that so I could finish my story.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. Heh heh heh.

Mona, I couldn't sleep.

I kept thinking about the travesty

of you blowing off

one of life's major milestones.

Back off my reunion.

Sometimes reunited doesn't feel so good.

Besides, you'll have your own in 3 years.

I know. I've already got my outfit.

But this is about you. Come on. It'll be fun.

No, it'll suck.

And after looking through my high school yearbooks,

I am more convinced than ever.

Let's take an unsentimental journey

through what I like to call cruelty high.

Oh, these were the jocks.

They made fun of my looks.

These were the fashionistas.

They made fun of my clothes.

And these were the cheerleaders.

Oh, we had uniforms like that.

Sorry.

And that's Amy getts,

the cruelest of them all.

She's the one who coined the phrase

"Mona alone-a."

And thanks to her,

I spent every lunch hour

either hiding in the bathroom

or helping Rhonda the lunch lady

through her bad marriage.

Oh, then there was me.

With the braces and the thick glasses?

Yeah. That shot was the best of the roll.

Mona, you have to show those people

how far you've come.

At the very least, they should see you

without all that metal on your face.

I don't know, Dee Dee.

You have a lot to be proud of.

You're beautiful,

you're a successful music executive,

you owe it to yourself to let everyone see

what you've become.

Well, it would be nice to show off a little.

And you'll have a chance to rewrite the past.

All right. You convinced me.

I'll go.

That's the spirit!

Let those bitchy cheerleaders

see the new Mona.

Give it to 'em, give it to 'em,

g-i-v-e it to 'em! Whoo!

Oh, my god. You would've so picked on me.

It's come to my attention

that someone's been stealing delicious merchandise

from the grab room.

I'm giving whoever it is a chance to come clean,

no need to fear for your job.

You're fired. I never trusted you.

Oh, Dave, we hardly knew ye.

I was just picking up the pencil you dropped.

Oh, thanks. I always trusted you.

Take a seat.

Now, as I was saying, no one's gonna be fired

or lose their job, I just want to know...

By tomorrow. Got it? Good.

I didn't want to say anything,

but I've seen some of that stuff being sold on eBay.

I bought a delicious t-shirt for only $3.

But you could've gotten it from the

grab room for free.

Oh, we don't love him for his intellect, Mona.

My new on-line lady loves everything about me.

On-line lady? Lay it on me.

Well, it's been a couple of weeks,

but we text all the time.

Hmm. It's pretty intense.

What's her name?

Don't know.

We don't talk details.

It's deep like that.

[Beeping]

Oh, excuse me.

It's beyonce!

What? We met on

a music-lover's web site.

I profiled myself as Jay-Z,

and she was beyonce.

We're cute like that.

Oh, seems my lady love

is finally ready to meet in person.

Does lady love know you say things

like "lady love?"

Tonight at little bar.

She says she'll be wearing a purple shirt.

Hmm. Can't wait to see my lady in purple:

A color of passion and always in fashion.

I'm poetic like that.

I think I'm gonna be sick like that.

Now, I've packed everything you'll need for tonight:

Your business cards to show off,

breath mints for that minty-fresh feeling,

and condoms, 'cause you never know.

Thank you for saying that in front of my mother.

They're not for you, silly. Ha ha ha.

They're for the other sluts. Bye.

I don't know why you're going to this thing.

Those kids were awful to you.

Ma...

Every day you'd come home from school all upset

and eat a big old tub of pudding.

I don't have time to make you anymore pudding.

I got a boyfriend to make pudding for now.

Ma, seeing these people

is gonna be different this time.

I mean, I bet I'm one of

the most successful people in my class.

Then let 'em read about you in the paper.

Why spend an evening

with people who bring you down?

Yeah. I never spend time with people like that.

Don't worry. I'll be fine.

Besides, it might be fun.

Ok, go, but I'll have some pudding in the fridge

just in case.

[Knocking]

Ugh. Ugh.

Now that the unpleasantries are out of the way,

honey blossom, you look beautiful.

That outfit needs just one thing.

Well, maybe more than one thing,

but I only brought you this:

A wrist corsage.

This is a reunion, big Dee Dee, not a prom.

Yes, but you'll appreciate

the scent of lavender and tea roses

when you start to sweat,

as you tend to do in a social setting.

What are you doing here?

I left something in the office.

What are you doing here?

Just tidying up.

You know, I can't concentrate

in a dirty work space.

Oh... ok.

For god's sake, stop badgering me!

I admit it.

I'm the one selling delicious stuff on eBay,

but you don't understand.

Do you know what I need to buy a house? Money.

Do you know what I don't make working here?

Money.

Do you know what I'm gonna get

for selling all this crap on-line?

Money!

You know what I call that? Stealing.

Stealing is taking something that people want,

not dusty old giveaways from the grab room.

I mean, seriously,

who's gonna want a mouse pad

that says delicious records?

Hey, I bought one of those.

I thought it was a limited edition.

It is, and a second one is a steal at only 19.95.

Mona Thorne?

It's me, Whitney.

Whitney? Wow. Hi.

Um, you look different.

Well, after, like, 3 kids,

I don't have my cheerleader body anymore,

but I still have my spirit hands and perfect teeth.

And you... You look, like, fantastic!

Aw...

Alicia, look who I found:

Mona Thorne.

Mona Thorne,

i... i didn't even recognize you.

Doesn't she look, like, fabulous?

It's like you're a new person.

It's like you had an extreme makeover.

It's like...

Yeah, yeah. I got it!

So, what have you girls been up to?

Professional cheerleaders?

I'm a stay at home mom.

It's, like, that hardest job I could ever love!

Well, I think it's great

that you chose to be with your kids.

And I sell real estate with my husband.

We even has a bus bench with our faces on it.

What about you?

Well, I haven't taken the marital plunge yet,

but I'm pretty busy as vice president

of a and r at delicious records.

Ooh! Vice president!

How exciting.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Do you know any, like, celebrities?

A few. Oh, in fact, I just finished working

with Jimmy jam and Terry Lewis.

[Gasping]

I once showed a house

to kanye west's aunt,

but it fell out of escrow.

That's too bad.

Well, I'm sure you'll get a chance

to sell a house to another star's relative sometime.

Well, congratulations, Mona.

You've come, like, so far since high school.

Thank you.

You know, I'm actually glad that I came tonight.

Is Amy getts here?

No. She had to work.

She's, like, a waitress.

Amy's a waitress? Oh, that is good.

Oh, that's too bad she couldn't make it.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I think I'm gonna go, like, you know, mingle!

Are you beyonce?

She wishes she had all this.

You're not beyonce, right?

And you ain't Denzel, so beat it.

Beyonce?

No, but we could pretend.

Beyonce?

Jay-Z? Oh, hell no!

You do look good.

Take that, Amy.

And can you believe he still lives with his mom?

And what do you think about Mona Thorne?

Well, she looks good...

But still single.

I know. It's so pathetic.

I mean all she has to talk about

is, like, her achievements.

She's still the same as she was in high school.

Yeah. Remember what we used to call her?

Both: Mona alone-a. Ha ha.

Hey, Dee Dee. I'm at the reunion.

How's it going, and why is there an echo?

Because just like in high school,

I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall

with a cigarette I bummed from the cleaning lady.

And it's all thanks to you.

Mona, listen, i... no. You listen.

The next time you give me advice,

this is what I'm doing with it.

[Flushing sound]

Mona, I'm sorry,

I couldn't hear you over the toilet flushing.

Oh...

["Celebration" playing]

Excuse me. Mona Thorne?

Oh, no. No, no. I'm not her.

But you're wearing her name tag.

Oh, this? It's a loner. Bye.

No, no, no. You are definitely Mona Thorne.

Come on. You remember me?

We had all the same ap classes,

and we were on debate team together.

No, we weren't. Yes, we were.

No, we weren't.

Yes, we were. See? We still got it.

Now I remember. Hershel jobs?

You look fantastic.

Yeah, so do you,

but I always thought you were beautiful.

Thank you, and I've read about you

in "Forbes" magazine.

Congratulations on your software company.

Yeah, well, life's been pretty good

to me since high school...

Not that it could get any worse.

Well, it actually got worse for me tonight.

I'm just leaving.

Well, look, I was...

I was hoping we could spend some time together.

I mean, you're one of the few people

that were nice to me, Mona.Oh.

Hershel jobs?

You're like a millionaire, right?

We were just talking about

how cool we always thought you were.

Really?

Now, was that before or after

you put the rubber dog doo on my lunch tray?

Um... after?

Hmm. Mona...

Would you like to dance?

I would love to, hershel.

You're not doing anything. Hold this.

Damn. I can't believe we wasted

all that time on-line.

It wasn't a total waste.

I mean, it was cool finding out

your grandmom taught you how to arm wrestle.

Hmm. Comes in handy

when one of my artists gets out of line. Ha!

Forgot I told you about that.

She sounds incredible.

Yeah. When she died,

I felt like I lost my role model.

Kind of like how you felt when your dad left.

I know. Like you said:

You need someone to believe in you

when you can't believe in yourself.

You know, the on-line Spencer sure is different

from the one I see at work.

The same with you.

You never struck me as the type

that cries every time she hears "I believe I can fly."

Ok. Now that stays between us.

As a matter of fact, all of this, Spencer,

it stays between us. You got it?

Yes, ma'am.

Looks like neither one of us

is getting lucky tonight.

Hmm. Speak for yourself.

A sister always got a backup.

Excuse me, have you seen Mona Thorne?

Oh, god, she's having a seizure.

No... she's just dancing.

Mona, I'm here.

Everything's gonna be ok.

I brought tiny tissues and a nicotine patch.

Dee Dee, this is hershel.

Nice to meet you.

Thanks for looking after her.

I'll take it from here.

Let's go home, Mona.

Oh, Dee Dee. Dee Dee,

it was really sweet of you to come down,

but I'm ok now.

I'm actually having a good time.

But I thought you were crying

and smoking in the ladies room.

Yeah, and now i'm dancing and hooking up

with a multimillionaire.

And look, those evil cheerleaders

can do nothing but watch me.

Whoo. Whoo!

Spencer, I was thinking about you

over the weekend.

Hey, I thought we put that to rest, woman.

That's not just resting, it's dead.

Coffin closed. This is business.

I've decided you need a new job.

Wait. One bad date and I'm gone?

No, I think you're better suited

to work in marketing instead of a and r.

Marketing?

You're a natural.

Your "Dallas is delicious" campaign really worked,

you're always on top of the trends,

and you sold yourself to me on-line.

That's proof you can sell anything

no matter how shabby it really is.

I always knew you must have some hidden talent,

I just didn't know what.

Now I do.

But I really do like a and r.

So, you don't want to be a vice president?

But I love marketing!

Good. Congratulations, and don't let me down.

You won't regret this, Kai.

Hey, Mona, check out the new v.P.!

Oh, Adam, I was the top bidder

on that delicious jacket that you auctioned,

so skip the shipping and handling

and just give it to me.

Oh, Adam, we hardly knew ye.

Please don't fire me.

Why would I fire you when I can torture you?

I've hidden your paycheck somewhere in the building.

Good luck finding it.

You know, I've really enjoyed these last few days,

and I think this is the first place we've eaten

that you haven't owned.

This reminds me of when we used to have lunch

back in high school.

Didn't you have an allergic reaction

to peanuts one time,

and I had to give you that shot?

I pay someone to do that now.

Perfect. Hey, hershel, look.

It's Amy getts.

Wait. The cheerleader?

Well, she was a cheerleader.

Now she's a waitress who just happens to be

at the restaurant I chose for lunch.

I love reunion.Com. Oh, server!

Mona Thorne? Oh, my god.

You look great.

Whitney was right. It is a miracle.

Hi, it's Amy, right?

Like you forgot.

And hershel jobs,

boy, have I heard a lot about you.

Congratulations on your success.

Wow. That's... that's more than you've said to me

in 4 years of high school.

Excuse me, waitress, could we order?

Oh, Mona, you always were hungry.

I'll be right back.

I can't believe she's flirting with you

right in front of me.

She's just being friendly.

If she was any friendlier,

I'd have to scrape her off your lap.

I brought you some fresh rolls,

and they're hot,

so look over the menu,

and call me when you know what you're in the mood for.

Tee he. Well, that wasn't too obvious.

You really think she was coming on to me?

I don't see a massage on the menu.

Sorry, Mona. I'll see you later.

What?

I finally have a shot at Amy getts.

Come on, can you blame me?

But she only wants you for your money.

Why do you think

I wanted to make money in the first place?

This is the payoff of all my hard work.

Look, here's $100.

Order whatever you like,

and try the rolls. They're hot.

Triple word score.

That is not a word.

Mona, I got your message about hershel.

I can't believe

he just dumped you for Amy.

You got dumped?

I told you not to go to that reunion.

What did I tell you? Tell me what I told you.

I'll tell you what I told you.

I told you...

I know what you told me, ma,

but I went, and I'm fine.

Even remembered what was so nasty about smoking.

Actually, I'm in a better place.

Mona, I can't keep up with you.

You're happy, you're sad,

you're smoking, you're dancing.

Pick a mood and go with it, sister.

Listen, I just went out with hershel

to get back at those girls,

but then I realized I was trying to impress people

who shouldn't matter to me.

Anyway, it all worked out,

and I didn't leave Amy a tip.

What does she need your tip for

when she's got Mr. Moneybags?

Thanks for putting it in perspective, ma.

Well, if I don't, who will?

Mona, voice-over: One thing is clear about the past:

You can't change it,

so I'm gonna focus on what I can change:

My outlook.

And hershel will get his karmic payback when Amy cheats on him.

It's just a matter of time.

There's a reason we called her "Amy getts-around."

I'm certain good things are headed my way.

I mean, if the universe can make Spencer a vice president,

anything's possible.

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