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1
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:05,656
I smell smoke. Do
you smell smoke?
2
00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:07,444
I smell smoke.
3
00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:08,619
[Smoke alarm beeping]
4
00:00:08,704 --> 00:00:11,234
Dee Dee: Fire! Fire!
Save yourselves!
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,152
Save your Prada!
6
00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,762
Phyllis, what about the cats?
7
00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:18,692
Eartha kitty led the
others down the fire escape
8
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,154
and left my ass to burn.
9
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,412
What? They're my lucky boots.
10
00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:24,891
You got no man and no baby.
11
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:25,981
How lucky could they be?
12
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:36,039
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪
13
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:40,043
♪ you finding you,
I'm finding me ♪
14
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:43,827
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪
15
00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:45,483
♪ who brings out the joy ♪
16
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,827
♪ brings out the
joy inside of me ♪
17
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:49,957
♪ inside of me ♪
18
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,270
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪
19
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:54,526
♪ all we need is lovin' ♪
20
00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:58,409
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪
21
00:00:58,493 --> 00:01:00,233
♪ you and me ♪
22
00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:03,061
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪
23
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,070
Ooh. Heh heh heh.
24
00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:08,586
[Siren]
25
00:01:08,677 --> 00:01:11,107
I can't believe I
started a grease fire
26
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:12,991
my first experience broiling.
27
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,513
I told you cheap
meat has a lot of fat.
28
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,987
You can't take your
eye off the cheap stuff...
29
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:18,988
[gasps]
30
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,169
Where's commander paws?
31
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:21,694
I knew I should've grabbed him.
32
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,337
He always freezes
in an emergency.
33
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,651
Ma, I'm sure he's
ok. You still have me.
34
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:28,127
Oh, lord, please don't
take commander paws.
35
00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:31,438
I'm competing with a cat
for my mother's affection.
36
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,436
Excuse me, ma'am.
37
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,308
Neighbor said he belongs to you.
38
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,969
Are you aware he
freezes in an emergency?
39
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:41,934
And apparently, he
has a little bladder issue.
40
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,544
Oh, commander
paws, baby, it's ok.
41
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:47,626
You're all right.
42
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:48,796
And so are you.
43
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:50,631
Hello, I'm Phyllis.
44
00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:52,629
I've always admired firemen.
45
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:54,291
I've always wondered,
46
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,605
is it hot wearing a wedding
band under those heavy gloves?
47
00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:58,858
I wouldn't know. Not married.
48
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,734
How about that?
49
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,336
Neither is my daughter Mona.
50
00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:04,986
If I were you, I'd run back
into the burning building
51
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,691
before she has
you fitted for a tux.
52
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:07,998
Dee Dee: Hi.
53
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:11,524
Don't you look
handsome in that uniform
54
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:12,919
that hides so much,
55
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:15,792
yet leaves so much
to the imagination.
56
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,534
- I'm...
- The one who started the fire.
57
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:20,436
She can't cook very well.
58
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,791
But we insist on
taking you out to dinner
59
00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,671
for saving commander paws.
60
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,153
Mona and I. Just me and Mona,
61
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:28,764
not the firestarter.
62
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:31,064
I told you to go
back into the flames.
63
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,591
No, dinner sounds great.
64
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,434
You can call me at the
firehouse. My name's Glen.
65
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,768
- Hi.
- Glen stalworth.
66
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,202
It's been my pleasure, ladies.
67
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:41,598
Actually, it's my job,
but also my pleasure.
68
00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:50,004
Without me, would
you ever get a date?
69
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,482
I love this new place.
70
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,050
The noodles are amazing.
71
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,837
Better than sex.
72
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:05,452
Not if you're doing it right.
73
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,874
Well, if she gets
lucky with the fireman,
74
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,057
she won't have to worry.
75
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,346
They're trained for disasters.
76
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,412
Tina? Tina, hi!
77
00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,629
It's Dee Dee. Remember us?
78
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:19,109
Unfortunately.
79
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,549
You gonna be here long?
80
00:03:20,635 --> 00:03:22,195
I need to turn over tables.
81
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,992
We're eating, not loitering.
82
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:28,075
The way you people
tip, same thing.
83
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,520
I see you've still got
that sparkling personality.
84
00:03:32,603 --> 00:03:36,003
Yeah, how long you been
waiting tables here, Tina?
85
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:38,385
Actually, I own the place.
86
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,739
What? How the
hell did that happen?
87
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:45,142
While you all were paying $9.00
for a hamburger at the lounge,
88
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,875
I was working 2 other jobs,
living with 6 roommates,
89
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,266
and eating Mac and cheese,
90
00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,969
so don't steal anything.
91
00:03:51,056 --> 00:03:52,406
I'm counting chopsticks.
92
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:55,503
This place is genius. Fantastic.
93
00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,587
I hate her.
94
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:01,373
That damn overachiever
is making us all look bad.
95
00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,808
Well, I'm not bitter.
I'm a vice president.
96
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:04,975
I got it going on.
97
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,330
And I'm a sports
agent on the rise.
98
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:08,941
Snaps to me.
99
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,251
Well, thank god
100
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:12,157
for my underachieving
compadre Spencer.
101
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,642
Don't lump me in with your mess.
102
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,861
I was saving this
announcement for later,
103
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:18,041
but I just closed escrow
on my own home.
104
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,517
What? How the
hell did that happen?
105
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,516
Yeah, you're always broke.
106
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,791
Correction... i only
appeared to be broke.
107
00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:27,054
See, I've been saving.
108
00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:28,696
I've been living under my means
109
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:29,790
and off of Mona's.
110
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,525
It's amazing how
you're proud of that.
111
00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:36,493
How come you
didn't tell us sooner?
112
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:38,410
My building just went condo.
113
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:39,795
I didn't want to say something
114
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:40,888
then have it fall through
115
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,462
and end up looking like a fool.
116
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:45,023
You know, a brother's
credit can be very complex.
117
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:50,115
Well, congratulations to
Spencer the homeowner.
118
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:52,682
We are one accomplished group.
119
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,026
Except for me.
120
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,060
The only thing I've accomplished
is still being able to fit into
121
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,339
my jordache jeans
from high school.
122
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,873
Luckily, it was
just a grease fire,
123
00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:06,125
so there wasn't that
much to clean up.
124
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,608
Was daddy really mad?
125
00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:08,918
Furious.
126
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,294
But then mother
whipped out a blonde wig,
127
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,750
and the rest is a little trick
128
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,153
I'll tell you on
your wedding day.
129
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,485
Can't I just have
something borrowed
130
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,796
or something blue?
131
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,282
Forget all about the nasty fire.
132
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:20,672
I don't blame you for any of it.
133
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,055
I blame Phyllis.
134
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:24,017
It has nothing
to do with Phyllis.
135
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:25,366
It most certainly does.
136
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,895
Isn't she the one
that introduced you
137
00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:28,328
to full-fat bacon?
138
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:31,464
You can't blame
Phyllis for bacon.
139
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,898
Why not?
140
00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:34,204
It comes from her kind.
141
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:37,596
[Knock on door]
142
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,510
Hola, dos Dee dees. Hi.
143
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,120
Hello, bacon bit.
144
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:44,080
Donating some
things to goodwill?
145
00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:46,559
Good choices.
146
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,910
These are my options
147
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:49,439
for my date with a hot fireman.
148
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:50,653
Here's another option.
149
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,221
Bloomy's is open till 9:00.
150
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,525
I have an option.
151
00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:57,706
Let me go out with the fireman.
152
00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,322
There is just something
153
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:01,542
about a man in rubber overalls
154
00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:02,712
that gets me worked up
155
00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:04,967
into a frothing,
sweaty, pulsating...
156
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,370
Well-raised young woman.
157
00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:10,628
Hey, this one could
actually turn into something.
158
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,498
It would be better if
my mom weren't coming
159
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:13,649
and bringing my baby pictures.
160
00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:14,827
Nothing kicks off a relationship
161
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,292
like your mother describing
162
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,056
how you once
finger-painted with your poop.
163
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:24,245
So I said, "it looks
like a Picasso to me."
164
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,390
[Both laugh]
165
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:29,173
Oh, Mona's been creative
since she was in diapers.
166
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,998
So, Glen, tell us more
about what you do.
167
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:33,957
Dear god, tell us about
anything. Just talk.
168
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,831
Well, it's, uh... It's
a pretty cool job.
169
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,010
I still get a rush every
time we get a call.
170
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,896
It's like suitin' up and
going into battle, you know?
171
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,514
Nothing better than
saving someone's life.
172
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,544
I guess I just enjoy
helping people.
173
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:49,413
Me, too. That's why
I became a therapist.
174
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,296
Although I don't get a
rush when I get a call,
175
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,803
because it means
some new nut bucket
176
00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:55,720
has found out where I live.
177
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:58,326
But who really
helps people is Mona.
178
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,378
She's in music, and nothing
heals the world like music.
179
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:02,464
Isn't that right, Mona?
180
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:05,339
That is so true, ma. So, Glen,
181
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,895
what kind of music are you into?
182
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:09,431
I'm really into rockin'
Sidney, boozoo chavis,
183
00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,256
you know, the whole
zydeco movement.
184
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:16,567
So, do you have any
interests other than music?
185
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:19,663
These noodles. This is my
fourth time here this week.
186
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:21,703
But none of those
times was on a date.
187
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,359
She doesn't have a boyfriend.
188
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,683
Ok, could you say
that a little louder?
189
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,225
I don't think table 6 heard you.
190
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,925
What? There's no shame
in not having a boyfriend.
191
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:31,233
Lots of beautiful women
don't have boyfriends.
192
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,450
I don't.
193
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:35,109
Well, since you're
both beautiful,
194
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:37,593
I'd have to say I'm the envy
of every man in this restaurant.
195
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,718
Except maybe those 2 guys
over there holding hands.
196
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,936
Glen, tonight has been great,
197
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:47,950
but you know what I
think would be even better?
198
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:50,822
You young people going
out alone, without the mama.
199
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,295
Tomorrow, for lunch.
200
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:53,734
Maybe we can come back here?
201
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:56,131
[Loudly] A second
date? I would love to!
202
00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:59,064
Hey, table 6 needs to
know I'm leaving here
203
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:01,087
with more than just a doggy bag.
204
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,701
Yecch! Who made this swill?
205
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:09,921
You did. Who asked you?
206
00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:11,061
You did.
207
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:12,422
Just get off my back, would you?
208
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,363
You whacked out on
mood enhancers again?
209
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:18,321
I said get off my
back, Tom Cruise!
210
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:20,717
Ok, what is it?
211
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:23,244
Boy trouble? Hair trouble?
212
00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:25,638
Man thong ridin' up again?
213
00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:28,902
I'll tell you what's
wrong, condo owner,
214
00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:30,466
lord of the manor.
215
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:32,823
I'm sick and tired of everyone
around me getting ahead.
216
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:34,993
Everyone's got something
to show for their lives.
217
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:37,339
Titles, equity, bling.
218
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:40,479
All I've got is this
stupid headset.
219
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,323
You know that's property
of delicious, right?
220
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,647
[Telephone ringing]
221
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,570
I wanna be happy.
I wanna be rich.
222
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:48,696
I want someone else to
answer that damn phone!
223
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:51,361
Hello. Delicious?
224
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:53,013
Look, Adam, don't feel bad.
225
00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:54,547
I'm sure you'll accomplish
a lot of things, too.
226
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,267
Like what?
227
00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:58,711
Can't you just
take my word for it?
228
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,410
Say it. I'm nothing but a loser.
229
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:05,369
Just call me the
runt of the litter.
230
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:07,017
Hey, Adam. It's your agent.
231
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:08,611
You didn't get the
hairspray commercial.
232
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,585
They decided to
go with the chimp.
233
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,207
[Hissing]
234
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:17,297
Hey, sis. Hey.
235
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:18,882
I was wondering if
you wanna go to lunch.
236
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:20,516
Oh, I can't. I've got
a date with Glen.
237
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,173
It's the crucial second date,
238
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,517
and I'm still trying to
decide if he's worthy.
239
00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:27,387
Worthy? He's a fireman.
240
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:28,959
Do you have any idea what kind
241
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,916
of physical condition
they have to be in
242
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,615
to lift those heavy hoses?
243
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,623
I'm just not so sure
we have chemistry.
244
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:40,666
Who needs chemistry?
The man's a fireman.
245
00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:41,974
And if you don't want him,
246
00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,929
he can stop, drop,
and roll on me.
247
00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,202
What's up, Dee Dee? Hey.
248
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,542
Mona, you seen Adam?
249
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,001
He was pretty upset
when he left last night.
250
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:52,114
Why, did the chimp
get his own series?
251
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:55,330
No, but the poor
guy thinks he's a bum.
252
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:56,770
I tried to boost his ego,
253
00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:59,377
but then I realized,
he kind of is.
254
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,948
Well, Spencer, maybe
you should go check on him.
255
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,646
Woman, are you crazy?
256
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:06,563
Doesn't he live in boys
town, where the boys live?
257
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:07,779
Lookin' as good as I do,
258
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,228
you think they'll
let me out alive?
259
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:13,436
They're attracted
to men, not morons.
260
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,754
Oh, Mona. It's not my
mind they'd be after.
261
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:19,707
Just go and see what's up.
262
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,493
Oh, and you might
wanna wear a jacket,
263
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:23,877
'cause I can see your
nipples through that shirt.
264
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:27,672
I can't help it.
It's cold in here.
265
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,129
So, what do you think
you're gonna have?
266
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:35,715
Oh, I always get the jumbo bowl.
267
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,419
Every damn day.
268
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:42,603
So, Glen, I'm really glad
we got together today,
269
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,205
'cause you're a great guy,
270
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:46,115
and I've been
wondering if we have any,
271
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,300
you know, chemistry.
272
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:49,776
That's funny. I... I've, uh...
273
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,226
I've been wondering
the same thing,
274
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,389
and I think I have
the answer. We don't.
275
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:59,007
Oh. Well, guess all
the wondering's over.
276
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,359
Look, Mona, you're
a great girl. I just...
277
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:02,903
It feels better to
be straight with you.
278
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,453
Well, I appreciate that
279
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,123
and if there's ever
another fire in my building,
280
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,213
I hope you'll still put it out.
281
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:08,841
Of course. Of course.
282
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,369
And I hope we
can still be friends,
283
00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:11,782
'cause I could... i could
really use your help.
284
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,761
Oh, what do you need?
Cds, concert tickets?
285
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,107
Your mother's phone number.
286
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,374
That's why I wanted
to talk to you alone.
287
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,811
I, uh...
288
00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,197
I'd like to ask her out.
289
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,770
What?
290
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:28,641
He wants to date your mother.
291
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:35,778
I'm... I'm sorry if I
caught you off guard.
292
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,259
Please, I'm fine with this.
293
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:39,218
Why wouldn't I
be fine with this?
294
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,917
He wants to date your mother.
295
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:45,176
Would you please stop saying
that and get me some sake?
296
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,709
There's not enough in the city.
297
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:52,360
He wants to date your mother.
298
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,413
Look, Mona, I'm not
oblivious to the age difference,
299
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,110
but from the beginning I
was attracted to your mother,
300
00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:03,978
and the other night at
dinner we really connected,
301
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,681
and I just...
302
00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,788
I haven't stopped thinking
about her since the night we met.
303
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,384
My mother?
304
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:12,688
Phyllis Thorne, old
enough to be my mother?
305
00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:16,521
Are you sure you have
the right person? Yeah.
306
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:20,475
Phyllis Thorne. Educated,
beautiful, funny...
307
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,825
Delightful.
308
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,396
I'm not convinced,
309
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,832
but let's assume we're
talking about the same person.
310
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,249
Mona, some men have
enough depth and intelligence
311
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:31,710
to appreciate a woman for
who she is, regardless of age.
312
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,274
I happen to be one of those men.
313
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,621
So, would you, uh...
314
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,411
Put in a good word for me?
315
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,075
Are you sure you wouldn't
rather date my sister?
316
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,846
Because that's a
pain I'm familiar with.
317
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,770
Singing along with
record: ♪ oh ♪
318
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:52,682
♪ I'm not meant to live alone ♪
319
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,862
♪ turn this house into a home ♪
320
00:12:56,950 --> 00:13:00,560
♪ I climb the stairs ♪
321
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,219
♪ and turn the key ♪
322
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,443
♪ oh, please be there... ♪
323
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:05,572
[Knock on door]
324
00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:09,054
Go away! I'm singing Luther!
325
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,746
♪ Yeah ♪
326
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,144
[Knock]
327
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,879
[Turns off stereo]
328
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,360
♪ How are you gonna
be? Say you're gonna be ♪
329
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:22,540
♪ are you gonna be? ♪
330
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:26,197
Spencer? I'd never
thought I'd see you here.
331
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:30,423
My living room-slash-kitchen-
slash-boudoir.
332
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:34,245
May I offer you an
afternoon elyseée?
333
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:35,245
No, thanks.
334
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,946
But this place is nice,
335
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,383
and so is the neighborhood.
336
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:39,729
The streets are all clean.
337
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,649
Nice, quaint little coffee
shops everywhere.
338
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:46,093
But I'm kinda surprised nobody
tried to hit on a sexy brother.
339
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:48,443
Please. At work, you're
the cream of the crop,
340
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:51,313
but in this neighborhood,
you're barely a 3.
341
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:54,135
What are you doing here anyway?
342
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:55,974
I wanted to make
sure you were ok.
343
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,712
Plus, I got tired of
answering the phones,
344
00:13:57,793 --> 00:14:00,063
and we can't find the
key to the men's room.
345
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:01,623
See how important you are?
346
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:02,930
Delicious needs you, man.
347
00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:05,236
That's the best you can do?
348
00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:09,462
You can't pee if
I don't show up.
349
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:13,809
Get in bed and wake me
when I have a purpose in life.
350
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:18,066
Which, ironically,
would give me one.
351
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,991
Adam, what you're going through,
352
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:21,156
I've been there.
353
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,771
I know exactly how it feels.
354
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,872
Right. You know how it feels
to have wasted your twenties
355
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,482
on shallow,
meaningless pursuits?
356
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,043
To be the oldest member
357
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:34,180
of the gay and lesbian
receptionist defamation league?
358
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:35,884
To be so broke,
359
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,942
you have to put your bed in
the wall when you give a party,
360
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,574
which leaves nowhere
to throw the coats.
361
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,623
Ok, I don't know
exactly how you feel.
362
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,022
Last night, I took a long,
363
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:48,152
hard look at myself
with my $500 mirror,
364
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,015
and I didn't like what I saw.
365
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,756
Except my butt looked good.
366
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:55,938
Listen, if you want to become
the person you'd like to be,
367
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:57,285
it's time to set some goals.
368
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,724
You need to start
small, be specific,
369
00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:01,771
and be willing to
make sacrifices.
370
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:04,077
How much smaller can I start?
371
00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:06,344
I live in a studio apartment.
372
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,777
I drive a Vespa.
373
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:09,183
And I only have
one place setting.
374
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,206
Although, I could
rustle up another fork
375
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:14,391
if you want to
split an Asian pear.
376
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,998
If you want your life to change,
377
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:20,220
youhave to be the
one to change it.
378
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,310
Maybe you're right, Spence.
379
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:25,399
Cool. Now let's get
you back to work.
380
00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:26,839
I would...
381
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,156
But I can see your
nipples through your shirt,
382
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:29,378
and I don't think
I can concentrate
383
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,576
for the rest of the day.
384
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:35,628
[Door opens]
385
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:36,807
Hey.
386
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,762
So? How did lunch with Glen go?
387
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,941
Not quite the way I expected.
388
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,228
I knew you were gonna blow it!
389
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,340
Did I say you were
gonna blow it?!
390
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,822
Well, I didn't say it to you,
391
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,902
but I said it to myself
and that girl at Starbucks.
392
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:50,994
So how did you blow it?
393
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,040
Well, actually, after
Glen and I agreed
394
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:54,866
that we had no
chemistry whatsoever...
395
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,394
And the coffee girl's
gonna love this one...
396
00:15:57,478 --> 00:16:00,048
Glen asked for
your phone number.
397
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,053
He's not looking
for a therapist, is he?
398
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,532
Why do all the fine men gotta
have something wrong with 'em?
399
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,754
Ma, he's interested in you.
400
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,057
What?!
401
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,233
Glen wants to date you.
402
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:12,718
And I know. I
know. It's ridiculous.
403
00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:14,447
But he said he can't
stop thinking of you.
404
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:15,888
You're beautiful, funny...
405
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,495
[Mocking] Delightful.
406
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,935
Are you sure he
was talking about me?
407
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,502
That's what isaid.
408
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:24,679
Wow.
409
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:26,246
[Chuckles] Kinda crazy, huh?
410
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:27,603
But he's cute.
411
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,512
It's too bad he's not older.
412
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,687
Yeah, right. Too bad.
413
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:34,383
'Cause obviously, he's
much too young for me.
414
00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:36,821
Much, much too young.
415
00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:39,688
Do you think he's too young?
416
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:44,091
Ma, you got underwear
older than him.
417
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:46,397
Definitely too young.
418
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,403
But it was a nice thought.
419
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:54,844
Mona, you're my
sister, and I love you,
420
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,486
but you're a real
mother-blocker.
421
00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:58,627
A what?
422
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,113
A mother-blocker.
423
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,463
It's exactly how it sounds.
424
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:02,852
One who blocks one's mother
425
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:05,154
from her destiny and
ultimate happiness.
426
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:08,071
I did no such thing.
Glen is too young.
427
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:09,637
Here, dear.
428
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,074
What do I need a shot for?
429
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,730
For losing a man to your mother.
430
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,511
The quicker you drink
it, the faster it works.
431
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,820
I did not lose him to my mother.
432
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,257
She's not gonna be dating him.
433
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,433
'Cause you
talked her out if it...
434
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,219
Mother-blocker.
435
00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:26,874
I swear. She rejected
the idea on her own
436
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,238
after I told her how
ridiculous it was.
437
00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:29,584
Wait. That did
not come out right.
438
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:32,053
The truth just flows
sometimes, Mona,
439
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:34,048
and I don't see
what's wrong with it.
440
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,880
Lots of older women
date younger men.
441
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:38,577
I give you Susan
sarandon, Melanie Griffith,
442
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:41,666
Demi Moore, Terry mcmillan...
443
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,146
Ok, her I take back.
444
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,760
It can work.
445
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:47,087
Of course Phyllis
will have to be open
446
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:48,589
to lots of plastic surgery.
447
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:52,416
Nipping, tucking,
lifting, sucking, stapling...
448
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:55,726
Ok! All right! All right!
449
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:58,123
I may have blocked a bit.
450
00:17:58,207 --> 00:18:01,037
The truth is I don't
want my mother
451
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,303
dipping in my dating pool.
452
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,035
There's something
not right about that.
453
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:07,216
Mona, you have to decide
what's more important.
454
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:10,133
Your insecurity or your
mother's happiness.
455
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:13,179
Your mom would dive under
a train to get a man for you.
456
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,750
Isn't that a pleasant thought?
457
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:21,360
Morning, Spencer, Dave.
458
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,188
Wait. You're hella early.
459
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,626
Yeah, and you actually
look happy to be here.
460
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,243
What's wrong?
461
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,723
Nothing.
462
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:30,083
I came up with a long-term goal.
463
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,292
I'm gonna buy my
dream house. Check it out.
464
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,242
Hmm. Nice. Real nice.
465
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:38,197
Is that a tiny Brad
Pitt in the kitchen?
466
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:40,771
Yep. He's cooking
my dinner... Naked.
467
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:43,079
You said be specific.
468
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:46,129
I'm just glad you
took my advice.
469
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,602
How come you
don't give me advice?
470
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:49,001
I have lots of problems.
471
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,394
You're a white man in america.
472
00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:53,037
What problems could you have?
473
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,872
Thanks. I feel better.
474
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:56,439
Well, Spencer, because of you,
475
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:58,346
I met with a financial
advisor this morning,
476
00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,791
and it's gonna change my life.
477
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:01,437
He helped me open a
money-market account
478
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,268
and showed me some ways
to put aside more for my dream.
479
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,450
I'm proud of you, man.
480
00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:07,795
But the best part is he's rich,
481
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,315
and we had great eye contact.
482
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,020
What? If I'm gonna
be on a budget,
483
00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:13,707
I need someone to
keep myself pretty for.
484
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:18,935
My man's gonna
die a receptionist.
485
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,507
Ok, so now you're saying
I should go out with Glen?
486
00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:26,687
I'm just saying maybe
it's not so ridiculous.
487
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:32,044
Apparently, other
old... er women do this,
488
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,517
so why shouldn't you?
489
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:34,697
I mean, you look good.
490
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,222
True. From behind, I look 25
491
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:38,826
since ass came back in style.
492
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,880
And Glen is "h"
to the "o" to the "t".
493
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,467
Well, ma, of you want a
second date, don't say that.
494
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,059
It's not as hip as
you think it sounds.
495
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,890
All right. Thank you, baby.
496
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:53,242
Now, I've got to go and
get some undergarments
497
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:56,022
that lift, separate,
and accentuate.
498
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:59,017
I mean, black don't
crack, but it does sag.
499
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,603
Mona: "It felt good
to encourage my mom
500
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,292
"to do something that
made her so happy.
501
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,600
"But it's a little twisted
502
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:09,985
"that she's out with a hot guy
503
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:11,908
"while I'm home
with a hot pocket.
504
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:14,133
"Is there someone
for everyone but me?
505
00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:16,218
Maybe I'll just hope
506
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,062
for my mother getting
a second shot at love."
507
00:20:18,112 --> 00:20:22,662
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