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1
00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:03,660
You know, living on
my shoe-store salary
2
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,532
has helped my
negotiation skills.
3
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:06,884
For example,
4
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:09,313
I paid a regular
towel price for these
5
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,580
because I convinced the cashier
the labels were upside down,
6
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:14,494
which would be an irregularity.
7
00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:16,229
[Laughter]
8
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,410
Sounds like you took
advantage of a stupid person.
9
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:19,716
[Laughter]
10
00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:22,242
Don't hate 'coz I'm so good.
11
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,546
Mona: Wow, I hope
someday I find somebody
12
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,553
who loves me as
much as you love you.
13
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:28,065
[Laughter]
14
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,938
- Oh, Mona, I hope you do, too.
- [Laughter]
15
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,251
Phyllis: Mona, I have an
early birthday gift for you,
16
00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,248
because I love you so much.
17
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,950
Is it a new deadbolt for my door
18
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,338
with only one copy of the key?
19
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,130
[Laughter]
20
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,275
No mother in her right mind
would give a gift like that.
21
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:44,834
Exactly, so is that what it is?
22
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,054
[Laughter]
23
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:50,175
Aw, baby Gucci.
24
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,877
So cute. I miss nice things.
25
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:54,395
[Laughter]
26
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:56,399
They're my grandbaby's
first pair of shoes.
27
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,581
- You know something I don't?
- [Laughter]
28
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,017
I just figured when you
saw how adorable they were,
29
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,084
it would give you incentive
to get a loaf in that oven.
30
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,456
[Laughter]
31
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:06,542
For that, I'd need
someone to mix the dough.
32
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:08,461
[Laughter]
33
00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:11,246
Face it, if you're not pregnant
within the next 5 to 7 years,
34
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,902
I'm gonna be cartin'
my grandbaby around
35
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:15,075
- in my rascal basket.
- [Laughter]
36
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,772
Dee Dee, are you
gonna help me out here?
37
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:18,899
Aw, have a girl.
38
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,431
We can name her
Rose. I also love Emma.
39
00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:22,776
- Aw!
- Aw!
40
00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,295
[Laughter]
41
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,968
This is ridiculous.
I'm not having a baby
42
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:27,388
anytime soon.
43
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,958
Why does it always
have to be about you?
44
00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:32,526
Your life, your
body, your decision.
45
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,054
Talk about selfish.
46
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,437
[Laughter]
47
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,710
[Introductory theme song]
48
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:43,153
♪ through this
journey of discovery ♪
49
00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:47,633
♪ you finding you,
I'm finding me ♪
50
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:50,586
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪
51
00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,585
♪ who brings out the joy ♪
52
00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:54,717
♪ brings out the
joy inside of me ♪
53
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,120
♪ inside of me ♪
54
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,344
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪
55
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,993
♪ all we need is lovin' ♪
56
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:02,597
♪ yeah ♪
57
00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:04,987
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪
58
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,171
♪ you and me ♪
59
00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:10,257
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪
60
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:11,697
[Ironic laughter]
61
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:14,870
[Introductory musical note]
62
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:17,565
- [TV game noises]
- Hey, Dee Dee.
63
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,619
Damn showboatin' ball hog!
64
00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,014
[Laughter]
65
00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:22,747
I prefer Mona.
66
00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:24,358
[Laughter]
67
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,758
Hey, isn't that
your friend Corey?
68
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,542
He's in town playing
a preseason game
69
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,056
against golden state.
70
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,480
He invited me to go,
but you know how I get.
71
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,539
Aw, you overpaid bum!
72
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,071
[Laughter]
73
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,065
Corey's the only one
not throwing up bricks.
74
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,517
- [Whistle blows]
- [Buzzer sounds]
75
00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:41,253
Ok, it's a timeout.
You got 6 beer ads
76
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,805
and one male
enhancement commercial
77
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:45,121
- to tell me what you want.
- [Laughter]
78
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,688
Since our birthdays
are coming up
79
00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:48,215
and my life is going
great, for once,
80
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,775
I thought we should
have a party together.
81
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,906
A little celebration
that doesn't end up
82
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:54,438
with kicking my crotch,
83
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:55,852
an earthquake, or a
double date from hell.
84
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,001
[Laughter]
85
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:58,529
The truth is, Mona,
86
00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,573
I'm not really in a
party mood this year.
87
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:01,958
I'm tired of everyone asking me
88
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,401
what I'm doing with my life.
89
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:04,877
[Telephone ringing]
90
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,597
I mean, I can always
brag about my thighs.
91
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:07,621
[Laughter]
92
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,409
My firm, thin thighs.
93
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,673
But even that will only get
me through the first hour.
94
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,536
[Laughter]
95
00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,798
Aren't you gonna answer
the phone, lord of the thighs?
96
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,331
[Laughter]
97
00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:19,724
No. It's just the daily
call from my mother
98
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,678
checking to see if I
have a real job yet.
99
00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:23,676
- [Machine beeps]
- Big Dee Dee: Little Dee,
100
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,178
for someone who's
not working as lawyer,
101
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,815
you're not home very much.
102
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,052
Call mother, let her know
when it's safe to boast
103
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:29,767
- about you again.
- [Laughter]
104
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,732
Wow, throw in a tray of lasagna
105
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,801
and a coat full of cat hair,
and you'd have my mom.
106
00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,353
[Laughter]
107
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,023
Besides, don't you have
an interview tomorrow?
108
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,053
Yeah, another job interview.
109
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:41,482
"You have
110
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:42,679
an impressive
roøumû miss Thorne.
111
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,790
Ooh, top of your class!
112
00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:47,266
No openings right now,
but we'll keep you in mind.
113
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,197
Yes, you can take your
water with you, and, no,
114
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,669
- we don't validate."
- [Laughter]
115
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,283
Ok, if anyone ever needed
to go to party, it's you,
116
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,804
so I'm throwing one
Saturday night, 8 o'clock.
117
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,368
I wouldn't dare miss it.
118
00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:00,275
Great, but just
remember, it's my party,
119
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,110
so put your thin thighs
in some baggy pants.
120
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,368
[Laughter]
121
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,514
You do have an impressive roøumû
122
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,074
- miss Thorne.
- Top of my class.
123
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,030
[Laughter]
124
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:11,689
Our young firm prides itself
125
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,253
on spotting future power players
126
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,650
in the legal field.
127
00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:16,872
Well, thanks for the water.
128
00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:18,632
Keep me in mind in
case something comes up.
129
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,043
[Laughter]
130
00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:21,689
Here's what we're
prepared to offer you.
131
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:23,609
Thanks. I'll see myself out.
132
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,128
[Laughter]
133
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,921
[Confused] I'm
sorry. Miss Thorne...
134
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,615
It's ok.
135
00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,973
It's rare to find a firm that
does validate these days.
136
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,383
That's why I parked
at the jiffy lube
137
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,192
- two blocks down.
- [Laughter]
138
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,454
You know, for a lawyer,
139
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,816
you're not a very good listener.
140
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,672
I'm trying to offer
you a position.
141
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,887
Here? At this firm? Ya sure?
142
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,678
[Laughter]
143
00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:47,072
Well, my name
is on the building.
144
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,766
[Laughter]
145
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,773
Wow, all this plus dental?
146
00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:53,376
[Laughter]
147
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,337
- Is teeth whitening negotiable?
- [Laughter]
148
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:57,646
[Animated musical note]
149
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,300
Hmm, Mona, are you
sure about the stuff
150
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:03,258
going into these goody
bags for your party?
151
00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:05,696
This ain't a gift. It's a gag.
152
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:06,963
[Laughter]
153
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,786
- [Yells] Adam!
- [Laughter]
154
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,085
Here I am.
155
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,531
Now, what are
your other 2 wishes?
156
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,137
[Laughter]
157
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:17,137
- Does that line ever work?
- All the time.
158
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:18,509
But usually I make it
from the waist down
159
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,755
- when I sing it.
- [Laughter]
160
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,932
Oh, god, now I got a visual.
161
00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,668
Gotta go wash out my eyes.
162
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,409
[Laughter]
163
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,420
What are your pictures
doing in my bags?
164
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,242
It's a gift for my fans.
165
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,770
You don't have any fans.
166
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,683
Every fan base starts
somewhere, Mona.
167
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,028
[Laughter]
168
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,807
Every parade starts
with one Baton.
169
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,471
[Laughter]
170
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,855
Start unpacking this crap.
171
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:42,038
Well, while I'm
unpacking said crap,
172
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,064
might I suggest a little
something for your party?
173
00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:45,352
Shirtless waiters.
174
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:46,692
[Laughter]
175
00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:48,351
They can carry you
in and carry me out.
176
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,255
[Laughter]
177
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,220
Let me think about that: No!
178
00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:53,608
[Laughter]
179
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,141
- Hey, Adam.
- Careful.
180
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,054
Somebody's party
panties are in a twist.
181
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,309
[Laughter]
182
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,666
So, how'd your interview go?
183
00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:04,672
They offered me the job.
Great salary and perks.
184
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,235
Congratulations!
When do you start?
185
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:10,333
I don't. It was everything
I thought I wanted,
186
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,853
but I turned it down.
The hairs said no.
187
00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,897
What? And who are the hairs?
188
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,423
[Laughter]
189
00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,326
My whole life, whenever
something is right,
190
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,161
I get this tingle on my forearm
191
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,429
that makes these fine
little hairs stand straight up,
192
00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:24,342
like, when I decided to
move into the building
193
00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,207
to get to know you, tingle.
194
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,558
When I got accepted
to law school, tingle.
195
00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,909
When I wore pink as
the new black... tingle.
196
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,479
[Laughter]
197
00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:34,346
I don't make any major
decisions without it.
198
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,397
My hairs have
never led me astray.
199
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,143
You based a major career choice
200
00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:40,013
on rigid arm hair?
201
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,265
[Laughter]
202
00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:42,917
Mona, don't you see?
203
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:45,361
I wasn't supposed
to take that job.
204
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,278
As strapped as I am for cash,
205
00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:49,843
I wanna do something
I can put my heart into.
206
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,061
I'll know it when it
happens, and so will the hair.
207
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,940
That's why I never
wax this patch.
208
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,502
[Laughter]
209
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,849
Are we in an alternate universe?
210
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,679
I have a job, you don't.
211
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,457
I wanted a party, you didn't.
212
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,211
I am having a great hair
day, you, hmm, not so much.
213
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:05,993
[Laughter]
214
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,727
Oh, my god, I'm about
to lose 10 pounds.
215
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:10,818
- [Laughter]
- [Animated song]
216
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:13,608
Adam, when I told you
shirtless guys in bowties
217
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,304
was a bad idea, I was so wrong.
218
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,996
When it comes to men and
disrobing, never doubt me.
219
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,440
[Mona laughs]
220
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,217
Ma, you want a shot?
221
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,641
You trying to get
your mother drunk
222
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,360
so she can be taken advantage of
223
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,055
by all these tender, buff boys?
224
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,712
[Laughter]
225
00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:30,316
Yes or no, woman?
226
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,446
Gimme that liquor.
227
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,498
[Laughter]
228
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:37,113
Happy birthday, Mona.
Yo, your party is slammin'!
229
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:40,285
Listen, you know you're my girl,
230
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,512
but they're some honeys
in here with Corey maggette
231
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:45,682
who got the potential
to be my... girl.
232
00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:46,899
[Whispers] Later.
233
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:48,468
- [Laughter]
- [Song continues]
234
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,555
Corey, I'm glad you made it.
235
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,274
You wanna say something
to the birthday girl?
236
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,667
Fo' sure. Just let me get
off the phone with my agent.
237
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:54,690
Ok!
238
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,128
[Laughter]
239
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,128
So, baby Dee, you
haven't returned my calls.
240
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,750
Any news on the job
front? What's going on?
241
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,702
What's going on is
your amazing figure.
242
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:08,270
Even on camera,
you look thinner.
243
00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:09,837
[Laughter]
244
00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:11,424
What kind of camera
is that? I want several.
245
00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:12,877
[Laughter]
246
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,107
So, Corey, I'm Spencer Williams,
247
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,463
Mona and Dee Dee's friend.
248
00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,112
They may have told you about me.
249
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,416
- Never heard of you, man.
- [Laughter]
250
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,853
Well, uh, I'm a big fan, man.
251
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,160
Hope you don't mind
252
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:28,605
me hanging out
with your entourage.
253
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:29,902
I just met these people.
254
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,417
[Laughter]
255
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,471
Oh. I guess you don't
mind me hollerin' at her.
256
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,167
That one I like,
but you can have
257
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,744
- that shorty over there.
- That's big, man.
258
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,392
[Laughter]
259
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:42,866
- Big.
- [Laughter]
260
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:45,047
You know, Corey
and I go way back.
261
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:48,534
Hey, you off the phone?
262
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:51,225
Yeah. My agent's negotiating
my first endorsement deal.
263
00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:52,843
It's all new to me.
264
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,813
Make sure you get "kill"
approval on your photos.
265
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,448
Mother says that is a must.
266
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,926
We didn't talk about that.
267
00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:00,095
Oh, how about
commercial script approval?
268
00:09:00,191 --> 00:09:02,061
My agent didn't
mention that, either.
269
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,720
Did you talk about
getting stock options
270
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,334
in the company you endorse?
271
00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:06,914
I gotta get my agent
back on the phone.
272
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,287
[Laughter]
273
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,253
How about you open just my gift?
274
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:12,162
- It'll be our little secret.
- All righty.
275
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,807
Everyone, Mona's
opening my present.
276
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,601
Come see the fabulous jewels.
277
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:16,945
[Laughter]
278
00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,344
You got me jewels?
279
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,907
No, but I got
everyone's attention.
280
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,952
Excuse you. If Mona's
opening any presents,
281
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:26,221
I think the first should
be from the giver of life.
282
00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:27,854
Fine, then she'll
save the best for last.
283
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,961
Then I wanna be last.
284
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,346
You can't be
last if you're first.
285
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,570
Can I just open
something? [Excited] Ok.
286
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,710
[Disappointed] Oh.
287
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,143
Ok.
288
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:39,619
You got her pantyhose?
289
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,929
[Laughter]
290
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,405
No. I got that
for her last year.
291
00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:44,454
[Laughter]
292
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,240
It's a fertility savings account
293
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,764
with the San Francisco egg bank?
294
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:48,938
[Laughter]
295
00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:51,942
It's so you can freeze your eggs
296
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,806
while they're still
young and healthy.
297
00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:55,657
I was gonna get it for
you for your 30th birthday,
298
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,252
but I figure, why wait?
299
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,555
They were havin' a special:
Freeze one, get one free.
300
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,082
[Laughter]
301
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:03,035
This way, you can
harvest your eggs now,
302
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,914
and then thaw 'em
out and have a baby
303
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,645
when you're ready to
get your mommy on.
304
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,086
[Laughter]
305
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,002
Unbelievable. Don't be surprised
306
00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:11,277
when you don't
get a thank-you note
307
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,306
from my ovaries.
308
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,404
[Laughter]
309
00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:16,493
I am so glad she
opened yours first.
310
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:17,572
[Laughter]
311
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:22,014
[Introductory musical note]
312
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,669
I don't want to talk
about it anymore.
313
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,583
I don't appreciate
you walking out on me
314
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,188
when I gave you
such a great gift.
315
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:28,728
Oh, you think freezing
my eggs in liquid nitrogen
316
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,798
is a great gift?
317
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:31,280
[Laughter]
318
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,849
Mona, your search for Mr. Right
319
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,696
hasn't even turned up
Mr. Remote possibility.
320
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,511
- [Laughter]
- With your eggs on ice,
321
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:37,792
I don't have to keep bugging you
322
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:38,811
about grandbabies.
323
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,765
I'm taking the pressure off.
324
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,357
Well, how about I
take the pressure off?
325
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,250
I'm never having children.
326
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,039
See, you just sayin'
that to tick me off.
327
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,653
No. That's just a perk.
328
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,044
[Laughter]
329
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,782
I thought the birthday
party was lovely,
330
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,920
with the exception
of Phyllis' little display
331
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,093
and your sister's
obvious budget limitations.
332
00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,619
I mean, paper napkins, really!
333
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,922
[Laughter]
334
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,579
Some of us don't
have unlimited funds.
335
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,404
Taste is tastier.
336
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,191
And speaking of tasty,
I saw your tall friend
337
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:11,537
Corey at the party.
He's quite successful.
338
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,107
I never understood
339
00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:14,654
why things didn't work
out for the two of you.
340
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,874
Could things work
out for the two of you?
341
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,112
- [Laughter]
- [Knock on door]
342
00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,769
Mom, he's hardly ever in town
343
00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:23,514
and I don't even think
he knows where I live.
344
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,815
- Corey.
- [Laughter]
345
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,042
Looks like someone has
learned his way around.
346
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:31,042
Hello again, Corey.
Those are lovely diamonds.
347
00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,795
We should get together and
compare carets sometime.
348
00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:34,222
[Laughter]
349
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:36,432
- Yeah. Let's do that, Mrs. T.
- Mm-hmm.
350
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:40,918
[Laughter]
351
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,806
Dee, remember that
stuff you said was missing
352
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,233
- from my deal?
- Mm-hmm.
353
00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:47,493
I let my agent know
and he worked it all out.
354
00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:49,576
Oh, well, I'm glad
that I could help.
355
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:52,841
Cool. 'Cause I was wondering
356
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,279
if you could look
over my contract
357
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,815
and see what else a
brother should be getting.
358
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,755
I'm unclear about all
this merchandising stuff
359
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,627
and I want to make
sure I get extra
360
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,369
if I tattoo a logo on my neck.
Iverson said that mess hurts.
361
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,681
[Laughter]
362
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,855
[Buzzer]
363
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:10,895
Hey, Mona. Something
I can help you with?
364
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,211
- Quickly?
- [Laughter]
365
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,057
Well, I was hoping to
talk to you about my mom,
366
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,522
but I guess you're busy.
367
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,955
I'm entertaining one
of Corey's cast-offs.
368
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:21,132
She's a ball girl, if
you know what I mean.
369
00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:22,518
[Laughter]
370
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,961
T.m.i.!
371
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:25,397
Sorry. But I wouldn't be
372
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,273
much good for
conversation tonight.
373
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,355
All the blood has
flowed from my head
374
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:30,534
to somewhere else.
375
00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,189
[Laughter]
376
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:35,103
What part of "t.M.I."
Didn't you understand?
377
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,669
And I don't want
to hear any details
378
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:37,946
at the office tomorrow, either.
379
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,324
Hey, hey. Keep your voice down.
380
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:40,730
She thinks I play
for the raiders.
381
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,979
Oh! Thanks for
stopping by, coach.
382
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,237
I'd be honored to be the
new captain of the team.
383
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:47,330
[Corey laughs]
384
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,855
Do you have any
idea what shame is?
385
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:53,685
- I know what a damn shame is.
- [Laughter]
386
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,253
That girl alone on my couch.
387
00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:59,060
You ready to play quarterback
and raiderette again, baby?
388
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,082
[Laughter]
389
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,776
Well, I've got two
brain surgeries
390
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,000
to perform tonight.
391
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,658
- Yep.
- [Laughter]
392
00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:09,612
I'll be using the ditryptol
tong syringe I invented.
393
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:10,961
[Laughter]
394
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,701
It's being patented as we speak.
395
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,291
What the hell are
you doing here?
396
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,930
Hold on. They're
paging me from the E.R.
397
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:21,666
[Imitates P.A.
static] Dr. Benet, stat.
398
00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:22,797
[Laughter]
399
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,059
May I help you?
400
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,717
Who are you talking
to on my phone
401
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,327
in my office this late at night?
402
00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:31,717
- My grandma.
- [Laughter]
403
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,201
It's only noon in Manila.
404
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,291
You called the Philippines?
405
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,860
Well, duh! It's not like I have
free long distance at my house.
406
00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:42,083
It's not free here, either.
407
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,809
Wait, wait, wait. Is
this the same grandma
408
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,426
who thinks you're
married with children?
409
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:46,826
One of whom is a redhead.
410
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,443
[Laughter]
411
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,113
And now you've got her
believing you're a doctor?
412
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,873
Hello! I'm an actor.
413
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,571
[Laughter]
414
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,458
Well, could you act like
you're having this conversation
415
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:56,876
somewhere else?
416
00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,486
I really need to get
some work done.
417
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,616
Maybe my gift will cheer you up.
418
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:01,989
After you ran out of your party,
419
00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,558
I brought it here so
nobody would steal it.
420
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,221
Some of your guests
looked a little dicey.
421
00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,149
- It's a clock?
- Not just any clock.
422
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,160
It's the count-it-down clock.
It calculates your lifespan.
423
00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:15,253
Now, let's see when
you're gonna die...
424
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,552
[Laughter]
425
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:20,596
- Just for fun.
- [Laughter]
426
00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,595
All you do is enter your age,
427
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,167
then any factors which
impact your life expectancy.
428
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,775
For instance, you
being a former smoker,
429
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,427
your lack of regular exercise,
430
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,001
your lack of regular sex,
431
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:36,054
the way you shun leafy Greens,
432
00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,266
and compute.
433
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,915
- Uhh!
- [Laughter]
434
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,230
- What does it say?
- Nothing.
435
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,797
But if you haven't
seen the pyramids
436
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,474
or had a proper orgasm,
you better get on it.
437
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,064
[Laughter]
438
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,238
Carpe diem, Mona.
439
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:53,024
Go home and face your demons...
Or in your case, your family.
440
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,548
You're right. Thank you, Adam.
441
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:03,508
Hello, grams? Yeah,
sorry to keep you waiting.
442
00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:04,768
I just saved another life.
443
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,911
[Introductory musical note]
444
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:11,004
Thank you so much for
the awesome birthday gift.
445
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,364
I can't believe
the clock told me
446
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:13,869
I was gonna live to be 103.
447
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,346
[Laughter]
448
00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,216
Of course it did.
449
00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:21,217
Now, this cupcake represents
the best thing about our lives.
450
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:22,881
I agree.
451
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,225
It's 2 halves making a whole.
452
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:28,135
We can get through anything
as long as we have each other.
453
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,951
Oh. I thought you were
talking about the frosting,
454
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,342
but yeah, the other
thing's good, too.
455
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,145
[Laughter]
456
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,586
So are you and
your mom talking yet?
457
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:38,243
Did I ever tell you how
much I love creamy sugar?
458
00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:40,478
It is my joy, it is my life,
it is my reason for being.
459
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,854
[Laughter]
460
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,331
Come on, Mona.
Did you ever think
461
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,680
there might be a reason
462
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,249
why your mom gave
you that present?
463
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:48,296
Evil frickin' puppeteer
comes to mind.
464
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,822
[Laughter]
465
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:53,165
Or maybe she did
the relationship math.
466
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:56,086
I mean, the whole
process could take years.
467
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,442
You've got to find a
man, have a relationship,
468
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,092
plan a wedding, get married,
be a couple, have no sex,
469
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:02,827
consider a divorce,
go through counseling,
470
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,268
get your sex life back,
then you'll get pregnant.
471
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:06,965
[Laughter]
472
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:08,273
Maybe they will have made
473
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,528
some advances
in science by then.
474
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,151
They already have.
475
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,872
Your mom gave it to
you for your birthday.
476
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:15,796
[Knock on door]
477
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,724
I'm Gus Mason of
gmg, the sports agency.
478
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,828
I'm looking for Dee Dee
Thorne, a person with the habit
479
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,864
of getting in other
people's business.
480
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:29,513
Oh, this is the place.
Take a number.
481
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:30,597
[Laughter]
482
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,245
I'm Dee Dee.
483
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,339
Does this have to do with Corey?
484
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:36,208
Yes. And maybe I
should have called,
485
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,299
but I was anxious
to meet the person
486
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:39,868
who got inside my client's head
487
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,305
and found room for
improvement in my contract.
488
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:43,652
Look, I'm sorry
489
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,481
if I infringed on
your territory,
490
00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,749
but I was just looking
out for my friend.
491
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:50,712
I mean, his stats are on
par with mcgrady, gennobly...
492
00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:52,272
Well, because of
your persistence
493
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:53,879
and your attention to detail,
494
00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:56,149
I got Corey an
unprecedented deal.
495
00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:58,062
I'm confused. Are
you mad at her or not?
496
00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,667
[Laughter]
497
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:02,717
I was, when I thought
Corey was getting advice
498
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,944
from another agent
who wanted to steal him.
499
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,874
And then I found out it was
just an out-of-work attorney.
500
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,505
[Laughter]
501
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:09,992
Does the whole world know?
502
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:11,602
[Laughter]
503
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:12,902
So Dee Dee, let me ask you,
504
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,108
have any interest in
being a sports agent?
505
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:22,648
Hey, Mona, see that? Tingle.
506
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,737
[Laughter]
507
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:26,176
[Introductory musical note]
508
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:30,748
Ma, could you come
in so we could talk?
509
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:31,882
Sure.
510
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,531
Is this a trap?
511
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,058
[Laughter]
512
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:38,672
No, but I may owe
you an apology.
513
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:42,835
- That would be nice.
- [Laughter]
514
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:45,191
Well, you've got to
admit it's not every day
515
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,681
a mother tells her daughter
she has to freeze her eggs.
516
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:48,762
[Laughter]
517
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,507
Most mothers don't
have my foresight.
518
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,675
Or your boldness. Or
your ability to overstep.
519
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,290
Or embarrass.
520
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,840
You don't paint a pretty
picture of me, Mona.
521
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:00,380
Well, that's the brush
you gave me, ma.
522
00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:04,946
And that's probably why
I overreacted to the gift.
523
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,350
I mean,
524
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:09,003
I've accomplished so
much in my 28 years.
525
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,568
But you always seem so focused
526
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:13,444
on what I haven't
accomplished. A man, a child.
527
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,267
You need to let me
make my own choices
528
00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,225
and my own mistakes.
529
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,103
But it's not easy
for me to step back
530
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,965
- and not be a safety net.
- That's what mothers do.
531
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:24,227
Well, sometimes I just
need you to let me freefall.
532
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,023
Baby, the greatest thing I
ever did was have a child.
533
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,724
I always thought
I'd have at least two,
534
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,645
but I just couldn't get up
under that little man again.
535
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:33,756
[Laughter]
536
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,464
Get back to the poignant part.
537
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:41,081
Honey, you just seem
so focused on your career
538
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,033
that I'm afraid you may
biologically miss out
539
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,342
on the joy of having a child.
540
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,078
And I don't want you
to miss that, Mona.
541
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,209
I hear you,
542
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,302
but I'm not making any promises.
543
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:52,961
That's fine,
544
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,244
but don't forget
that "freeze one,
545
00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:55,573
get one free" special
546
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:56,976
expires at the end
of your next cycle.
547
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:59,045
[Laughter]
548
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,658
Do they freeze
mothers at this place?
549
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,142
[Introductory musical note]
550
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,062
Congratulations, Mona.
551
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,705
You've had another bad birthday.
552
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:09,148
You're 28 for 28.
553
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,575
[Laughter]
554
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,071
It really sucks when
you have to pay
555
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,631
for your own crappy birthday.
556
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,197
Well, next year,
we'll split it...
557
00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:16,814
Now that I have a job.
558
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,374
I can't believe
559
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,641
my little sister's gonna
be a sports agent.
560
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:24,034
Sounds exciting and sexy.
Lots of hot, muscular guys.
561
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:25,769
When is "bring your
sister to work" day?
562
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,510
[Laughter]
563
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,951
I think this is the
challenge I was looking for.
564
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,688
How does your mom
feel about all this?
565
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,649
She has a very
unique perspective.
566
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,127
She pointed out
that I'm gonna meet
567
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,127
a whole new class
of multi-millionaire.
568
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:38,789
[Laughter]
569
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:40,703
And if you have a baby
with a pro ball player,
570
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,308
it could offset daddy's
tiny man genes.
571
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,357
The job is 24/7. I sleep
with my cell phone.
572
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:49,988
I'm never shocked
when it rings at 2 A.M.
573
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,414
Sometimes it's a client.
574
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,214
Sometimes it's a
client's wife or girlfriend
575
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,635
wanting to know
where the client is.
576
00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:56,281
You know nothing.
577
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,909
Sometimes it's a client
with a craving for something
578
00:19:57,935 --> 00:19:59,455
he has no business having.
579
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:00,976
You'll know it when you hear it.
580
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,379
[Laughter]
581
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:03,832
It's all about
dedication and sacrifice.
582
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,124
Any questions?
583
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,164
We never actually
talked about benefits.
584
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:11,466
Let's see. You get
a desk, a telephone
585
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:13,338
and 6 months to show
me what you can do.
586
00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:14,429
[Laughter]
587
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:18,348
Works for me.
588
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,354
[Joyful music]
589
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:30,009
[Instrumental
introductory theme song]
590
00:20:30,059 --> 00:20:34,609
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