Original subtitles

[Thinking] Yes, it's come to this.

I'm joining the masses and starting a blog.

The last 6 weeks have been challenging.

My little sister, who's usually perfect,

seems to be just as lost as I am,

which ironically brings balance to the universe.

And it's not like my personal life was soaring before,

but now it seems to be going down like a brick parachute.

[Laughter]

Hey, Dee Dee. I see you've been shopping again.

What's in the bags today?

Shoes, jeans, jewelry, the usual. You?

Candy wrappers, junk mail, last night's dinner, the usual.

[Laughter]

Oh, it looks like we're getting another new neighbor.

Dad didn't mention it. But why should we be surprised?

First it was my mom,

now it's probably just another kook.

Well, this kook just spent 30 minutes folding the stuff

left in the dryer by kook junior.

[Laughter]

Thanks, ma.

And buy some new socks.

Looks like you've been sliding on sidewalks in 'em.

[Laughter]

- Hi, ladies. - Hi.

I'm Lorenzo. I'm just moving in upstairs.

We're Mona and Dee Dee.

She's Mona. I'm Dee Dee.

[Laughter]

We live up there and down here.

I live up there. She lives down here.

[Laughter]

Mona, Dee Dee, up there, down here. I got it.

[Laughter]

You know, it's a relief to meet you two.

I was worried I'd end up next door to some nosy woman

who likes to troll the halls in her robe.

[Laughter]

- Yay for us! - Mona: Yay for you.

Won't be long before he's knocking on your door.

You get to come home

to the smell of a man's Cologne,

and I get to inhale Jean Nate and kitty litter.

[Laughter]

Phyllis: I heard that!

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Greetings and salutations, well-compensated v.P. Of a&r.

[Laughter]

I'm overseeing the official interoffice collection

for receptionist appreciation day.

[Laughter]

Big bills are welcomed.

I'm not giving you money, Adam.

Then how do you plan to appreciate me?

By not telling everyone there's no such thing

as receptionist appreciation day.

[Laughter]

Hey, Mona. What do you think this outfit says about me?

That you're conservative and intellectual

and pretty much everything you're not.

Then I'm off to a good start.

I just read this really inspirational book.

Gumbo for the African American soul.

[Laughter]

It made me realize

I need to start taking my life more seriously.

So, I'm working on a wardrobe that reflects my new image.

- [Both] You read a book? - [Laughter]

See? It's that image I'm trying to change.

This is the new Spencer. The Spencer who reads.

[Mona laughs]

And who'll be showing his appreciation in cash?

Adam, there's no such holiday.

All right, you got me. But it is my birthday.

I'll go get my wallet.

[Laughter]

Lucky for me, there's a little of the old Spencer left.

[Laughter]

Hi, sis, you busy?

I need a second opinion on this fabric.

I'm doing some redecorating.

I like that one.

Dee Dee: Really?

Because I was leaning toward the pastel. It says freshness.

Ok, then go with that one.

Really? Because the earth tones evoke a warmer feeling

that says, "welcome."

Ok, then go with both.

It'll say, "welcome to my freshness."

[Laughter]

You really aren't good at this, are you?

Hey, you know, I could redecorate your office.

Which, by the way, is neither welcome or fresh.

You know, Dee Dee, ever since you graduated

and took the bar,

you've been filling your days with a lot of frivolous stuff.

I mean, shopping and decorating.

What happened to your drive?

Look, every law firm in town has a copy of my résumé.

They know where to find me.

Plus, I'm tired of all the rejection.

Rejection is a part of life.

Actually, according to my mother,

it's the cornerstone.

[Laughter]

Opportunities are not gonna magically just appear

because you're Dee Dee.

You need to get off your butt

and actually do something productive with your life.

Thank you, Mona.

I really needed to hear that.

Maybe not in such a harsh and judgmental way,

but you do have to work in this drab office,

and I can see how that would make you hostile.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

How does a grown man get this far in life

not knowing how to tie a tie?

The same way a grown woman gets this far

not knowing how to cook a decent meal.

[Laughter]

- [Chokes] - Oh, I'm sorry.

Was that too tight?

Hey, I brought some dinner.

Nice suit, Spence.

You going to court or did somebody die?

[Laughter]

I'm trying out a more professional look.

And my mom's trying out

the crazy relative locked in the attic look.

[Laughter]

Do you even wear clothes anymore?

I don't need to get dressed to walk across the hall.

- Yes, you do. - [Knock on the door]

[Mona scoffs]

Hey, Lorenzo. You all moved in?

Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty tired.

But I can't lay down till I figure out

which box has my sheets in.

[Both chuckle]

[Laughter]

Do you happen to have any baking soda?

Top cabinet, second shelf, right corner.

I guess that's yes. Come on in.

This is my mom Phyllis. And that's Spencer.

- He's not her boyfriend. - I'm not her boyfriend.

[Laughter]

- Thanks for clearing that up. - Mona loves baking soda.

She uses it for toothpaste, deodorant, upset stomach, gas...

It does everything but keep my mom quiet.

- [Lorenzo laughs] - So, Lorenzo, is it?

What brings you to the building?

Well, I wanted to be closer to work.

I'm a pastry chef at citrine.

[Both] Ooh.

[Laughter]

Nobody loves pastry like my Mona.

Girl's a pastry-eating fool. [Laughs]

Are you married?

[Fake laugh] If you need anything else, stop by.

Just not when she's here.

Which is pretty much all the time,

so I guess this is goodbye.

[Laughter]

Mona, didn't you see that brother

was sending you signals? [Scoffs]

I bet he's still in the hallway figuring out his next move.

Oh, puh-lease. He is not still in the hallway.

Hey!

[Laughter]

What are you doing?

Figuring out my next move.

[Laughter]

I really wanted to ask you out.

She'll be there.

[Introductory musical note]

Hello, Phyllis.

Charles, big Dee Dee.

Phyllis: When did the dog join the circus?

I see she's surrounded by a giraffe and a midget.

[Laughter]

And the bearded lady makes four.

Coco happens to be wearing the latest in canine couture.

Some of us provide more for our pets

than scraps of tuna and toys made from old pantyhose.

[Laughter]

Charles, here's a list of the upgrades I'll be needing

for my apartment.

What does she want, a larger shower door?

Just soap down the sides

and you'll slip right on through.

I'll replace the ceiling fan. That's it.

Fine. Why waste money raising your property value

when you can spend it on bling for your beast?

And your dog.

[Laughter]

I don't know why you rented to that woman.

Well, she's the mother of my oldest child...

- That's wearing thin, Charles. - [Laughter]

Phyllis is one of the few tenants

that actually pays rent.

Let's not forget Lorenzo.

When my colorist told me

that her handsome godson was looking to move,

I just knew he would be perfect

for the apartment across from Dee Dee.

When they see each other, sparks are gonna fly.

Thank you for dinner.

[Mona chuckles]

As usual, your manipulation is working magnificently.

[Laughter]

[Mona laughs]

Mona, you have the best laugh.

Except when I snort. Which I do, a lot.

I'm sure I'd like that, too.

Oh, no, it really bothers people. You'll see.

[Laugther]

I really had a good time tonight.

Me, too.

[Laughs and snorts] Oh!

[Laughter]

Good night.

Not so fast, pastry man!

[Laughter]

Now, didn't I tell you not to talk to the women

at the bottom of the steps, didn't I?

[Laugther]

Pardon me?

Just walk away, young man. Just walk away.

[Laughter]

Thank you all for coming over to see

my newly decorated apartment,

and to hear my big announcement.

We're all very excited.

Coco even wore big announcement booties.

[Laughter]

$86 a paw.

[Laughter]

So, the other day I went to Mona for decorating advice.

[Big Dee Dee laughs]

[Laughter]

I know, but she did point out

that I needed to get my life on track.

Yep. That's what I told her.

That's why I've decided to go back to school.

For a doctorate in philosophy.

I didn't say nothing about no philosophy.

[Laugther]

And it's only a two-year program.

Unless I do an emphasis in early German skeptics,

then it's three.

If I do a year of research abroad

and take two to complete my dissertation,

I'll be finished in six years, eight Max.

And why are you looking at me like that, daddy?

[Laughter]

Take a blink, dear.

[Laughter]

How do you intend to pay for all this education?

And try coming up with an answer

that doesn't include my name.

- But, daddy... - Heard my name.

[Laughter]

Well, it's not like we don't have the money.

Correction. Your mother and I have the money.

And I think by giving you everything,

we've made your life a little too easy.

Some call it easy. I call it love.

I love you, daddy.

[Laughter]

Sweetheart, you have a law degree.

Going back to school is just another way

for you to hide from the real world.

- It's got to end. - It will.

In six years, eight Max.

[Laughter]

I think that idea's dead, sis.

[Laughter]

Dee Dee, I'm doing this because you need to become

a responsible, independent adult.

And it's gotta start now.

Congratulations. You're on your own.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

[Laughter]

Charles, you can't be serious. Even coco has an allowance.

I'll show you how serious I am. I have kept a tally

of your expenses since you turned 21.

I thought you were just keeping track of your gas mileage.

I'm clocking all expenses, Dee.

- I'll be quiet now. - [Laughter]

Baby girl, the Thorne line of credit extended to you

is now due and payable.

One day, you'll thank me for this.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

[Laughter]

For god's sake, Charles.

She's sorry and she doesn't understand!

[Introductory musical note]

[Knock on door]

Look at you, up and about.

I'm so glad you're not still in your closet

clutching your shoes for the third day straight.

[Laughter]

I was just saying goodbye to my men.

Charles David, Marc Jacobs, Jimmy choo.

[Laughter]

All going back to the store today.

This whole being on your own concept isn't easy.

I'm not like you,

all flea-market-ish and swap-meety.

[Laughter]

But I'm determined to do it.

I even picked up this great book.

Oh, the modern girl's guide to life.

First Spencer, now you. I gotta get me a book.

[Laughter]

It's got all kinds of savvy tips

on home repair, organization, finance.

I've been balancing my checkbook all morning.

All morning?

It ain't easy, sister know-it-all.

[Laughter]

So, do you stop when you hit zero?

No. They stop you.

[Laughter]

Hey, beautiful.

Oh, I thought Dee Dee was behind me.

No. I was talking to you.

If we're still on for dinner tonight,

I thought maybe we'd check out

that new Italian place, panzanella.

I don't know. I don't think we've known each other

long enough for you to see me eat spaghetti.

[Laughter]

Mona, I think I can handle it.

Then I'll see you at 7:00.

But just know, there might be splatter.

Don't wear white.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Whoa, where are your bagpipes?

[Laughter]

Hey, before you judge,

gq had a huge article about this look.

"Mad about plaid."

[Laughter]

You're reading way too much.

It's not so bad.

I'd keep the blazer and the shirt,

and lose the pants.

[Laughter]

- Too basic? - No.

I just want you to walk around with no pants.

- [Elevator dings] - [Laughter]

I need coffee. I would've bought my own,

but I'm on a freaking budget. Yeah, I said it.

Hey, nice flowers, Adam. Who sent them to you?

Someone named Lorenzo.

He said he really enjoyed your date.

What? I was gonna bring them to you

when the water started to smell.

[Laughter]

So, Mona,

things between you and pastry dude

are really blow-up-tuating.

I don't know if I'd say blow-up-tuating.

Or if anyone else should.

[Laughter]

See, I like Lorenzo, but he's the kind of guy

who could have any woman be wanted.

And he wants you.

Mona, the man's had two weeks to dump you, and he hasn't.

Live the miracle.

[Laughter]

Adam: He did call twice this morning.

He called?

I even wrote it down the second time.

- [Laughter] - Here.

Mona, you've been buried behind your desk so long,

you've lost the ability to recognize

when a guy's feeling you.

I'm sorry, but that outfit is clouding my ability

to take you seriously.

[Laughter]

So, how'd your returns go?

Not good. Apparently, if you pay with a credit card,

it's against store policy to give you a cash refund.

I'm telling you,

going to the mall with no money

was like being in a war zone.

Sprinting past my favorite stores,

dodging my regular salespeople to avoid explaining

they haven't heard from their number one customer

because I've been captured by poverty

and left to die in a moneyless pit.

So lose my number and stop calling me!

[Laughter]

They call you?

[Laughter]

Mona, I have bills that I actually have to open

and a bank account that's about to hit negative.

Dee Dee, there's an option

you obviously haven't considered.

Get a job.

I've been looking for months. What else you got?

No, no, no. Not a law job, an anything to pay the bills

until you're in front of a jury job.

I mean, remember the real world daddy was opening the door to?

Well, this is it.

And I would've suggested it sooner, but I didn't.

[Laughter]

Well, thanks for letting me struggle these last few days.

My pleasure.

- No, really, it has been. - [Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Lorenzo, how did you get...

Wow! Candles and flowers and... Ooh, did you vacuum?

[Laughter]

No. That was me.

You owe me a hoover bag.

[Laughter]

Now, I'll just take a couple of these cream puffs

and my hopes for a grandbaby, and leave you two alone.

[Laughter]

Hope you don't mind. Your mom let me in.

No, no. What woman doesn't want to come home

to a little chocolate and brown sugar?

Now, you talking about me or the pastries?

Both.

[Laughter]

Well, here, try this. It has crème fraîcheinside.

- It makes me think of you. - Why?

Because I'm soft in the middle?

Because you're a sweet, unexpected surprise.

[Mona groans]

I have something else I want to share.

Now, I'm not much of a poet,

but I was inspired.

[Lorenzo scoffs]

"Before I ever knew her name, I knew she'd come along.

And now that I have found her, I can put a name to my song.

So, pardon, if I lose my thoughts,

forgive me if I stare,

this is the fantasy I knew before, is now her,

standing there."

Oh, that's really beautiful.

Who's it about?

[Laughter]

You can't be serious? It's about you.

Oh, please.

I'm nobody's fantasy.

Mona, you are always selling yourself short.

Just try to accept what I say for once.

Take a compliment, woman.

[Laughter]

It's just when you put me and fantasy

- in the same sentence... - So you can't stop?

I mean, I tell you I love your skin,

you point out a pimple.

I say you've got great hair,

you dare me to run my fingers through it.

[Laughter]

Ok, maybe I have a bit of a problem.

Maybe you do.

I'm sorry, but this is who I am.

I'm sorry, too.

Mona, I have tried to get close to you.

But after weeks of running into a wall, I give up.

I can't be with somebody

who doesn't feel they deserve someone to be with them.

[Sighs]

[Mona stutters]

The souffle will be ready in six minutes.

Just dust with powdered sugar and serve.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Caught ya.

Oh! Mom, what are you doing here?

Same as you. Shopping behind your father's back.

And don't worry.

This will be a secret just between us girls.

Now, let's get someone to help us.

Sure.

May I help you?

[Laughter]

Excuse me?

I am that someone.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

[Laughter]

Mom, I applied for a job, and I work here now.

Has it come to this?

My daughter, a shoe pusher.

[Laughter]

[Crying] My baby. A working-class Thorne.

Oh, I can't... take it!

[Laughter]

No, really. Take it.

Mom, I appreciate what you're trying to do,

but I'm an adult.

And I'm gonna get by without your money.

[Sucks teeth] I'm proud of you, sweetness. Oh. Oh.

You do make commission here, right?

- Yep. - Then I'm in the mood to shop.

I'll take the dior pumps, the Gucci mules,

and the manolos in every color.

And I'll need this giuseppe zanotti in a six.

You don't wear a size six.

I know, but you do.

Mom, I've really got to do this on my own.

Dear, the customer's always right.

[Introductory musical note]

So, no date with Lorenzo tonight?

Oh. That didn't work out.

But he was such a great guy!

Handsome, charming...

Yeah, yeah. Just didn't work out, ok?

[Laughter]

Wow. How things have changed.

It's a Saturday night, and I'm dragging in

from a minimum wage job, and you...

[Laughter]

I guess things haven't changed all that much.

[Laughter]

Good night, Mona.

Night, Dee Dee.

You can do this, you know.

I know.

[Soft music]

[Thinking] I didn't have the nerve to tell my sister

I assassinated yet another relationship.

James Baldwin said,

"not everything we face can be changed,

but nothing can be changed unless we face it."

So I'm facing it.

I am so scared of getting hurt

that I drive away anybody who tries to get too close.

It's funny how life pushes us to grow

whether we're ready to or not.

Today, it became clear

that if we're defeated in our own minds,

we've already lost the battle.

Well, I am not going down without a fight!

Can I really change? Can anyone?

Eager to hear from you, searching in San Francisco.

[Soft music continues]

[Introductory theme song]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0