All language subtitles for Half And Half s03e22 Pomp & Circumstance.eng

Thanks for coming over to
hear my valedictory speech.

Now, keep in mind
it's just a rough draft.

She's doing that thing
where she says it's crap,

and then you hear it and
it's annoyingly brilliant.

[Sighs]

"It is with great
pleasure and pride

that I stand before you,
my fellow graduates."

Oh, my baby's growing up.

I'm sorry. Continue.

That's all I've got so far.

How long have you
been working on this?

Two months.

I'm having a little trouble.

How can I be expected to
motivate my class with a speech

when I don't even have a job?

Well, what you think about
somebody who inspires you?

Well, there is one man.

He's eloquent, sophisticated,

stylish, with just
a hint of thug.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Not a lot of people
see the thug in me.

Daddy, as wonderful as you are,

I was actually talking
about Blair Underwood.

He's always been my muse.

He's the perfect person.
Everyone should have one.

Dee Dee, the man's an actor.

He plays characters.

[Whispering] They're not real.

He's very real to me.

Besides, you have your
freakish thing for Simon Cowell...

And I have Blair.

I fathered you, financed you,

fought for you,

and you're saying I don't have
enough thug in me to be your muse?

I can get gully
with the best of 'em.

Feel me?

Please don't ever do that again.

♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

[Door opens]

Hey, baby, I brought you
some leftovers from the grub hut.

And I have some great news.

They added brownie bits to
the all-you-can-eat sundae bar?

Please. If my home away
from home had brownie bits,

I wouldn't be a size
six, I'd be a size 60.

Did you just say size six?

Don't back talk your mother.

I wanted to say being
forced out of my condo

was really a blessing.

You and I are
gonna be neighbors.

What?

I... i thought the apartment
across the street didn't work out.

Oh, it didn't, but it made me even
more determined to keep looking

in the neighborhood.

Anyway, I'm gonna
go look at a condo

that's right next
door to a nail salon.

So, you keep your
Saturday morning's open

for mother/daughter mani/pedis.

Sounds great, mom.

Phyllis, you're here.

Shocking.

Now, my little Dee is
graduating on Saturday,

and I'd like to confirm
your attendance.

And remember, Phyllis,

the ceremony is
dressy, so dust off

your finest polyester

and your best petroleum
by-product shoes.

And since the
ceremony's outside,

you remember:

Grass is for
standing, not grazing.

Lamb chop, you'll be
riding in the limousine

with your father, Dee
Dee, drew, and me.

Oh, great. Will they
have champagne

because I'm gonna need it.

I just found out my
mom wants to move

into this neighborhood.
What could be worse?

I got nothin'.

Hey, Mona. Oh, hi, mom.

Why the long face, lil' Dee?

I can't tell you how many times

in the past few
months I have heard,

"I'm sorry, Ms. Thorne,

"but there's just a glut
of lawyers right now.

Where were you
three months ago?"

I'll tell you where I
was three months ago,

losing the great
job I had lined up

before the damn firm fell apart!

Oh, Dee Dee, don't
be so hard on yourself.

Lots of people don't have
jobs when they graduate.

You'll find something
to do in the meantime.

Sweet cheeks, not helping.

My daughter's
not "lots of people."

I mean, what do
you expect her to do,

sell churros at six flags?

That's what I did.

That's different. You
lived in the inner city.

This sucks.

Delete.

Why can't I do this?

Mood lighting? Scented candles?

You do know I'm married, right?

Blair. My muse.

I knew you'd come.

Here, make me sound funny,
smart, but not too arrogant.

Now, Dee Dee,
that wouldn't be right.

I know. That would be cheating.

Yeah, that and...

See, I only exist in your
mind. I can't touch the keys.

Well, then why are you here?

If I wanted someone
who was no help at all,

I would have conjured up
my fourth grade violin teacher.

You're right. I've
heard you play.

Listen, Dee Dee,

you know why you're
having such a hard time?

It's bigger than just
writing a speech.

Once you stop doubting yourself,

the words...

They'll just flow.

All right?

Trust.

Hey, where are you going?

Hey, I'm not just your muse.

I've got grads at Harvard,
ucla, and Stanford to inspire.

Wait.

So, you're just
gonna leave me now

without so much as
an inspirational kiss?

Ah, no kiss, no kiss.

Do you remember what
happened the last time?

You mean... this?

And... this?

Yeah, and these fantasy
shirts don't come cheap.

Please, just one little kiss?

[Whispering] You can do this.

Damn!

I always wake up
before the good stuff.

Spencer, my mom can't
move into my neighborhood.

I'll sneeze and she'll barge in
with a gigantic pack of tissues.

Yeah, and once she's
there, she'll stay for dinner.

And if she stays for dinner,
she'll stay for breakfast.

And if she stays
for breakfast...

Yeah, I get it, I get it.

I was gonna say she's
probably gonna make eggs.

Well, I wish my
mom lived nearby.

When she's off her
meds, no one's funnier.

Mind your own damn business.

Ooh, you sound just like
my mom at her intervention.

I just don't want
my mom living within

bathrobe-wearing
distance of my apartment.

We have a way of dealing with
this problem where I come from...

The mean streets of palo alto?

Those wealthy white folk
are tougher than they look.

Anyway, to keep the
undesirables away,

I.e., anyone wearing
a Hawaiian shirt, lycra,

or a Fanny pack...

We simply made
our territory seem

as unattractive as possible.

One time, we even threw a
Starbucks cup on the ground.

Hey, maybe there's a way to make

myneighborhood unattractive.

Yeah. Sit on your stoop and
eat spaghetti. That's pretty ugly.

Phyllis, no need to
wrestle me to the ground.

I'm not carrying a
giant box of tacos.

Please, I just figured you were
toting around your little husband.

You're the one who'd
have to keep a man in a box.

How else would you prevent
him from getting away?

You know, I don't have
time to deal with you.

I am too busy looking
for a place to live.

Oh, Mona told me.

You know, I think you should try

the elder hostel across town.

I mean, you're elderly and
hostile. You're more than qualified.

[Door opens]

Hello, hello. I
come bearing gifts.

In the vein of graduation.

Mom, it's not till Saturday.

But I'll never say
no to a fancy box.

Good. Open it up.

Wow.

I'll be the only one at
graduation with a 10-foot train.

Isn't it a beautiful
wedding gown?

Vera wang. Not even
on the runway yet.

Mom, I'm not getting
married anytime soon.

And just because
I've had a few setbacks

looking for a job doesn't
mean I'm ready to give up.

It's a sign, dear.

And it's time for plan b.

And plan b stands
for "be a bride."

Mom, I thought
we were past this.

I've spent three years working
my butt off to become a lawyer,

and you need to respect
and support my dream.

I do, but can't we concentrate on a
different part of your life right now?

I mean, look at condoleeza
rice. She is a cautionary tale, dear.

She has a career but no man.

Home every Saturday night
putting on her crest white strips,

saying her prayers in
mandarin, and going to bed alone.

I assure you, her mother
is crying herself to sleep.

Now, Dee Dee, as a Thorne,

we're either
married or employed,

and I think we've established
the lack of employment here,

so, the time has
come to find you a man.

That is such an
antiquated way of thinking,

and you can forget it

because plan
"a" is still in effect.

And plan "a" stands for
"achieve attorney-hood."

Oh, poor thing thinks she's
in control of her own destiny.

Just like her father.

And since you might be
living in the neighborhood,

I thought you better have this.

Mace? Why would I need mace?

I read in the paper
there's been all kinds

of crime and gang
activity around here lately.

I mean, it's like
'boyz in the hood'.

Well, with sidewalk cafes.

Yeah, you might as
well be living in Oakland.

And you never know who's next.

Oh, no! Look!

Somebody's getting
mugged right now!

Hey, you! Stop that mugging!

I don't see anything.

They just ran off
with her purse.

And she ran to get the police...

Who will never come.

You know, I'm not so sure I'd
feel safe living in this neighborhood.

I can't run as fast as you.

I may need to
rethink my options.

Spencer, walk me to my car.

Mm-hmm.

[Whispering] I'll be sure to show her
the graffiti on the side of the building.

Since when is there graffiti
on the side of the building?

Since I put it there.
But don't worry.

It's in chalk. Washes right off.

[Knock on the door]

Dear, I'm sorry
about our argument.

I want you to know I
thought about what you said,

and I want to help you with
your life post-graduation.

Really? Why?

Because I know how hard
this job search has been for you.

Honey, all I want to
do is ease your burden.

So, I have just made
a fabulous connection.

He's a lawyer I met at a fundraiser,
his name is Julian Houston,

and he's just starting
his own law firm.

And he really is interested

in meeting you for
coffee tomorrow.

Wow. Thank you, mom.

I'm so glad we're finally
on the the same page.

Wait a minute.

You're not drunk, are you?

You're serious about this?

Let's just say
I'm a bit of both.

Well, I'd better go put
together a good "hire me" outfit.

Ooh, and pluck my
eyebrows into a powerful arch.

Yes. Good.

Hello, Julian? Mrs. Thorne.

Yes, your blind date with
Dee Dee is all arranged.

If all goes according to plan,
you'll fall in love, you'll get married,

and our families will be one step
closer to being the black Kennedys.

Thank you so much for taking
the time to meet with me, Julian.

I was about to tell
you the same thing.

From what your mother said,
I think we're a good match.

Well, I can assure you that
what I lack in experience,

I more than make up
for with enthusiasm.

I like that.

So, you're just about to
graduate from law school.

Of course. Boalt. Top of
my class. Valedictorian.

What can I say?
I like to be on top.

Hey, less work for me.

So, tell me a little
more about Dee Dee.

Well, I hate to admit it,

but I'm actually a little
desperate right now.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

I mean, it's kind
of late in the game

for me not to have
any prospects.

So, I'm prepared
to start at the bottom

and work my way up.

I haven't had a woman offer
me that since I was in Amsterdam.

Dee Dee, I love your candor.

Well, if you think I'm direct
now, wait till you see me in action.

I go straight to it.

So, do think tonight would
be too soon for a second date?

Second date?

I hope you don't consider this the
first one. I'm here for a job interview.

Your mother said
this was a blind date.

Of course she did.

Julian, I am terribly sorry
to have wasted your time.

So you're not really desperate

and you don't really
like to be on top?

I don't think I know you well
enough to have this conversation.

[Knock on the door]

- Hey, baby.
- Hey, ma.

I'm a little parched,
so I stopped by

on my way to meet
with my realtor.

He's showing me a town house

right down the street.

But what about all the crimes?

The gangs, the danger,
the pink and yellow graffiti?

Well, you know, I went
to the police station

and they told me that your
crime stats were wrong.

You know what I blame?
I'll tell you what I blame.

Racism. Mm-hmm.

They trying to keep me
out of this neighborhood.

But you know what?
I shall overcome.

Great, ma.

Don't let the man keep you down.

I think what your
mom did is horrible.

I know.

But I'm starting to wonder if
I'm ever gonna land a good job.

Maybe my mother's
"plan b for bride"

wasn't such a bad idea.

Let me tell you a little story.

The time? 1999. The place?

Juan's churro
shack, six flags...

Not helping.

In fact, that story
is way too scary.

Fine. The point would
have been that after college,

I didn't have a good job.

But I knew one thing:

I wanted to work in
the music industry.

So, much to the
dismay of my mother,

who, if you hadn't noticed,
skipped "plan b for bride"

and went straight to "plan
g" for "gimme a grandbaby,"

I waited for something
good to come along.

And eventually, Spencer was able

to hook me up with an internship

at delicious and
I got a great job.

But, I'm scared it
won't happen for me.

And your mom's scared, too.

That's why she's acting
the way that she is.

But, if you look
beyond all the fear,

you'll realize that
everything is gonna

work out the way
that it's supposed to.

So, just relax and go with life.

When did you get so profound?

Oh, we used to watch a lot
of ' Oprah' at the churro shack.

All our lives, our parents,

teachers, and friends
encourage us on a path.

The path that is safe and good.

But lately, I've
discovered that,

that path doesn't always
lead you where you'd expect.

Sometimes, the people
closest to you lose faith.

And when that happens,
you lose faith in yourself.

So, I went to my sister,

someone I love
and respect dearly,

who rarely has a plan
from one day to the next.

And what she told me is simple:

It's ok to be scared.

It's ok to not have a plan.

Because that's
what graduation is...

A commencement. A new beginning.

A chance to veer off that path.

To embrace fear and not let
anyone sway your decision.

So, I'm choosing
to believe in myself.

And you should believe
in yourselves, too.

I'm not saying
it's gonna be easy,

but, I think it's gonna
be pretty exciting.

I may not have a job
today, but I will get one.

And nothing, and no
one, is gonna stop me.

Thank you, sis.

You!

Dee Dee: Thank you, professor.

Dee Dee, that was
a beautiful speech.

Especially the part
where you thanked me.

Why didn't you thank me?

I'm the one that made
Mona the way she is.

I'm the one who put all
those obstacles in her way.

Uh, I think I better go check
on those mini crab cups.

They're not out yet.
I already checked.

Then let's go get you a drink.

Hey, Adam, did you get Dee Dee
a gift that I could add my name to?

I thought you were getting her
a gift I could add my name to!

Hey, I know. We
could buy her a drink.

It's open bar.

Hello, Dee Dee Thorne...

Juris doctor.

Where's daddy?

Oh, your father can't
stop the waterworks,

so, I suggested
he sit in the car

until he can pull
himself together.

So, what did you
think of my speech?

It was beautiful.

Angel, I never meant to
make you doubt yourself.

But you did.

And I apologize.

I was only doing what I
thought was best for you.

Which was helping
you meet a man,

fall in love, get married, and
go shopping with his money.

And it doesn't even
have to be in that order.

It's what women have
done for generations.

But mom, it doesn't necessarily
work for my generation.

And I don't want to wake up
25 years from now wondering

why I didn't follow
my own dream.

Sound familiar?

Oh, I think I better go check
on those mini crab cups.

Not ready yet.

Mom...

Listen, I supported your
dream to return to the stage

even though I
didn't understand it.

But, I saw how
much it meant to you.

And I know that things aren't
unfolding the way it we expected,

but, I still need you
to believe in me.

You make a convincing argument.

Mmwah.

You're gonna make
an excellent lawyer.

If you don't get married first.

Thank you. That
means the world to me.

Except for that last part.

I love you, sweetheart.
I'll always believe in you.

I'd cry, but after
my last eye job,

my tear ducts are in my ears.

Come here.

Back to the car.

Remember when I said
not having a job was scary?

Well, now that I've
graduated, it's even scarier.

Don't worry. You've
always got me.

[Thud]

What the heck is that?

I don't know.

I didn't know daddy
rented that apartment.

[Meowing]

Commander paws? Bertha kitty!

Hey, neighbor!

Oh, god. Now I'm scared.

There goes the neighborhood.

[Theme music playing]

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