Original subtitles

Thanks for coming over to hear my valedictory speech.

Now, keep in mind it's just a rough draft.

She's doing that thing where she says it's crap,

and then you hear it and it's annoyingly brilliant.

[Sighs]

"It is with great pleasure and pride

that I stand before you, my fellow graduates."

Oh, my baby's growing up.

I'm sorry. Continue.

That's all I've got so far.

How long have you been working on this?

Two months.

I'm having a little trouble.

How can I be expected to motivate my class with a speech

when I don't even have a job?

Well, what you think about somebody who inspires you?

Well, there is one man.

He's eloquent, sophisticated,

stylish, with just a hint of thug.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Not a lot of people see the thug in me.

Daddy, as wonderful as you are,

I was actually talking about Blair Underwood.

He's always been my muse.

He's the perfect person. Everyone should have one.

Dee Dee, the man's an actor.

He plays characters.

[Whispering] They're not real.

He's very real to me.

Besides, you have your freakish thing for Simon Cowell...

And I have Blair.

I fathered you, financed you,

fought for you,

and you're saying I don't have enough thug in me to be your muse?

I can get gully with the best of 'em.

Feel me?

Please don't ever do that again.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

[Door opens]

Hey, baby, I brought you some leftovers from the grub hut.

And I have some great news.

They added brownie bits to the all-you-can-eat sundae bar?

Please. If my home away from home had brownie bits,

I wouldn't be a size six, I'd be a size 60.

Did you just say size six?

Don't back talk your mother.

I wanted to say being forced out of my condo

was really a blessing.

You and I are gonna be neighbors.

What?

I... i thought the apartment across the street didn't work out.

Oh, it didn't, but it made me even more determined to keep looking

in the neighborhood.

Anyway, I'm gonna go look at a condo

that's right next door to a nail salon.

So, you keep your Saturday morning's open

for mother/daughter mani/pedis.

Sounds great, mom.

Phyllis, you're here.

Shocking.

Now, my little Dee is graduating on Saturday,

and I'd like to confirm your attendance.

And remember, Phyllis,

the ceremony is dressy, so dust off

your finest polyester

and your best petroleum by-product shoes.

And since the ceremony's outside,

you remember:

Grass is for standing, not grazing.

Lamb chop, you'll be riding in the limousine

with your father, Dee Dee, drew, and me.

Oh, great. Will they have champagne

because I'm gonna need it.

I just found out my mom wants to move

into this neighborhood. What could be worse?

I got nothin'.

Hey, Mona. Oh, hi, mom.

Why the long face, lil' Dee?

I can't tell you how many times

in the past few months I have heard,

"I'm sorry, Ms. Thorne,

"but there's just a glut of lawyers right now.

Where were you three months ago?"

I'll tell you where I was three months ago,

losing the great job I had lined up

before the damn firm fell apart!

Oh, Dee Dee, don't be so hard on yourself.

Lots of people don't have jobs when they graduate.

You'll find something to do in the meantime.

Sweet cheeks, not helping.

My daughter's not "lots of people."

I mean, what do you expect her to do,

sell churros at six flags?

That's what I did.

That's different. You lived in the inner city.

This sucks.

Delete.

Why can't I do this?

Mood lighting? Scented candles?

You do know I'm married, right?

Blair. My muse.

I knew you'd come.

Here, make me sound funny, smart, but not too arrogant.

Now, Dee Dee, that wouldn't be right.

I know. That would be cheating.

Yeah, that and...

See, I only exist in your mind. I can't touch the keys.

Well, then why are you here?

If I wanted someone who was no help at all,

I would have conjured up my fourth grade violin teacher.

You're right. I've heard you play.

Listen, Dee Dee,

you know why you're having such a hard time?

It's bigger than just writing a speech.

Once you stop doubting yourself,

the words...

They'll just flow.

All right?

Trust.

Hey, where are you going?

Hey, I'm not just your muse.

I've got grads at Harvard, ucla, and Stanford to inspire.

Wait.

So, you're just gonna leave me now

without so much as an inspirational kiss?

Ah, no kiss, no kiss.

Do you remember what happened the last time?

You mean... this?

And... this?

Yeah, and these fantasy shirts don't come cheap.

Please, just one little kiss?

[Whispering] You can do this.

Damn!

I always wake up before the good stuff.

Spencer, my mom can't move into my neighborhood.

I'll sneeze and she'll barge in with a gigantic pack of tissues.

Yeah, and once she's there, she'll stay for dinner.

And if she stays for dinner, she'll stay for breakfast.

And if she stays for breakfast...

Yeah, I get it, I get it.

I was gonna say she's probably gonna make eggs.

Well, I wish my mom lived nearby.

When she's off her meds, no one's funnier.

Mind your own damn business.

Ooh, you sound just like my mom at her intervention.

I just don't want my mom living within

bathrobe-wearing distance of my apartment.

We have a way of dealing with this problem where I come from...

The mean streets of palo alto?

Those wealthy white folk are tougher than they look.

Anyway, to keep the undesirables away,

I.e., anyone wearing a Hawaiian shirt, lycra,

or a Fanny pack...

We simply made our territory seem

as unattractive as possible.

One time, we even threw a Starbucks cup on the ground.

Hey, maybe there's a way to make

myneighborhood unattractive.

Yeah. Sit on your stoop and eat spaghetti. That's pretty ugly.

Phyllis, no need to wrestle me to the ground.

I'm not carrying a giant box of tacos.

Please, I just figured you were toting around your little husband.

You're the one who'd have to keep a man in a box.

How else would you prevent him from getting away?

You know, I don't have time to deal with you.

I am too busy looking for a place to live.

Oh, Mona told me.

You know, I think you should try

the elder hostel across town.

I mean, you're elderly and hostile. You're more than qualified.

[Door opens]

Hello, hello. I come bearing gifts.

In the vein of graduation.

Mom, it's not till Saturday.

But I'll never say no to a fancy box.

Good. Open it up.

Wow.

I'll be the only one at graduation with a 10-foot train.

Isn't it a beautiful wedding gown?

Vera wang. Not even on the runway yet.

Mom, I'm not getting married anytime soon.

And just because I've had a few setbacks

looking for a job doesn't mean I'm ready to give up.

It's a sign, dear.

And it's time for plan b.

And plan b stands for "be a bride."

Mom, I thought we were past this.

I've spent three years working my butt off to become a lawyer,

and you need to respect and support my dream.

I do, but can't we concentrate on a different part of your life right now?

I mean, look at condoleeza rice. She is a cautionary tale, dear.

She has a career but no man.

Home every Saturday night putting on her crest white strips,

saying her prayers in mandarin, and going to bed alone.

I assure you, her mother is crying herself to sleep.

Now, Dee Dee, as a Thorne,

we're either married or employed,

and I think we've established the lack of employment here,

so, the time has come to find you a man.

That is such an antiquated way of thinking,

and you can forget it

because plan "a" is still in effect.

And plan "a" stands for "achieve attorney-hood."

Oh, poor thing thinks she's in control of her own destiny.

Just like her father.

And since you might be living in the neighborhood,

I thought you better have this.

Mace? Why would I need mace?

I read in the paper there's been all kinds

of crime and gang activity around here lately.

I mean, it's like 'boyz in the hood'.

Well, with sidewalk cafes.

Yeah, you might as well be living in Oakland.

And you never know who's next.

Oh, no! Look!

Somebody's getting mugged right now!

Hey, you! Stop that mugging!

I don't see anything.

They just ran off with her purse.

And she ran to get the police...

Who will never come.

You know, I'm not so sure I'd feel safe living in this neighborhood.

I can't run as fast as you.

I may need to rethink my options.

Spencer, walk me to my car.

Mm-hmm.

[Whispering] I'll be sure to show her the graffiti on the side of the building.

Since when is there graffiti on the side of the building?

Since I put it there. But don't worry.

It's in chalk. Washes right off.

[Knock on the door]

Dear, I'm sorry about our argument.

I want you to know I thought about what you said,

and I want to help you with your life post-graduation.

Really? Why?

Because I know how hard this job search has been for you.

Honey, all I want to do is ease your burden.

So, I have just made a fabulous connection.

He's a lawyer I met at a fundraiser, his name is Julian Houston,

and he's just starting his own law firm.

And he really is interested

in meeting you for coffee tomorrow.

Wow. Thank you, mom.

I'm so glad we're finally on the the same page.

Wait a minute.

You're not drunk, are you?

You're serious about this?

Let's just say I'm a bit of both.

Well, I'd better go put together a good "hire me" outfit.

Ooh, and pluck my eyebrows into a powerful arch.

Yes. Good.

Hello, Julian? Mrs. Thorne.

Yes, your blind date with Dee Dee is all arranged.

If all goes according to plan, you'll fall in love, you'll get married,

and our families will be one step closer to being the black Kennedys.

Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me, Julian.

I was about to tell you the same thing.

From what your mother said, I think we're a good match.

Well, I can assure you that what I lack in experience,

I more than make up for with enthusiasm.

I like that.

So, you're just about to graduate from law school.

Of course. Boalt. Top of my class. Valedictorian.

What can I say? I like to be on top.

Hey, less work for me.

So, tell me a little more about Dee Dee.

Well, I hate to admit it,

but I'm actually a little desperate right now.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

I mean, it's kind of late in the game

for me not to have any prospects.

So, I'm prepared to start at the bottom

and work my way up.

I haven't had a woman offer me that since I was in Amsterdam.

Dee Dee, I love your candor.

Well, if you think I'm direct now, wait till you see me in action.

I go straight to it.

So, do think tonight would be too soon for a second date?

Second date?

I hope you don't consider this the first one. I'm here for a job interview.

Your mother said this was a blind date.

Of course she did.

Julian, I am terribly sorry to have wasted your time.

So you're not really desperate

and you don't really like to be on top?

I don't think I know you well enough to have this conversation.

[Knock on the door]

- Hey, baby. - Hey, ma.

I'm a little parched, so I stopped by

on my way to meet with my realtor.

He's showing me a town house

right down the street.

But what about all the crimes?

The gangs, the danger, the pink and yellow graffiti?

Well, you know, I went to the police station

and they told me that your crime stats were wrong.

You know what I blame? I'll tell you what I blame.

Racism. Mm-hmm.

They trying to keep me out of this neighborhood.

But you know what? I shall overcome.

Great, ma.

Don't let the man keep you down.

I think what your mom did is horrible.

I know.

But I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever gonna land a good job.

Maybe my mother's "plan b for bride"

wasn't such a bad idea.

Let me tell you a little story.

The time? 1999. The place?

Juan's churro shack, six flags...

Not helping.

In fact, that story is way too scary.

Fine. The point would have been that after college,

I didn't have a good job.

But I knew one thing:

I wanted to work in the music industry.

So, much to the dismay of my mother,

who, if you hadn't noticed, skipped "plan b for bride"

and went straight to "plan g" for "gimme a grandbaby,"

I waited for something good to come along.

And eventually, Spencer was able

to hook me up with an internship

at delicious and I got a great job.

But, I'm scared it won't happen for me.

And your mom's scared, too.

That's why she's acting the way that she is.

But, if you look beyond all the fear,

you'll realize that everything is gonna

work out the way that it's supposed to.

So, just relax and go with life.

When did you get so profound?

Oh, we used to watch a lot of ' Oprah' at the churro shack.

All our lives, our parents,

teachers, and friends encourage us on a path.

The path that is safe and good.

But lately, I've discovered that,

that path doesn't always lead you where you'd expect.

Sometimes, the people closest to you lose faith.

And when that happens, you lose faith in yourself.

So, I went to my sister,

someone I love and respect dearly,

who rarely has a plan from one day to the next.

And what she told me is simple:

It's ok to be scared.

It's ok to not have a plan.

Because that's what graduation is...

A commencement. A new beginning.

A chance to veer off that path.

To embrace fear and not let anyone sway your decision.

So, I'm choosing to believe in myself.

And you should believe in yourselves, too.

I'm not saying it's gonna be easy,

but, I think it's gonna be pretty exciting.

I may not have a job today, but I will get one.

And nothing, and no one, is gonna stop me.

Thank you, sis.

You!

Dee Dee: Thank you, professor.

Dee Dee, that was a beautiful speech.

Especially the part where you thanked me.

Why didn't you thank me?

I'm the one that made Mona the way she is.

I'm the one who put all those obstacles in her way.

Uh, I think I better go check on those mini crab cups.

They're not out yet. I already checked.

Then let's go get you a drink.

Hey, Adam, did you get Dee Dee a gift that I could add my name to?

I thought you were getting her a gift I could add my name to!

Hey, I know. We could buy her a drink.

It's open bar.

Hello, Dee Dee Thorne...

Juris doctor.

Where's daddy?

Oh, your father can't stop the waterworks,

so, I suggested he sit in the car

until he can pull himself together.

So, what did you think of my speech?

It was beautiful.

Angel, I never meant to make you doubt yourself.

But you did.

And I apologize.

I was only doing what I thought was best for you.

Which was helping you meet a man,

fall in love, get married, and go shopping with his money.

And it doesn't even have to be in that order.

It's what women have done for generations.

But mom, it doesn't necessarily work for my generation.

And I don't want to wake up 25 years from now wondering

why I didn't follow my own dream.

Sound familiar?

Oh, I think I better go check on those mini crab cups.

Not ready yet.

Mom...

Listen, I supported your dream to return to the stage

even though I didn't understand it.

But, I saw how much it meant to you.

And I know that things aren't unfolding the way it we expected,

but, I still need you to believe in me.

You make a convincing argument.

Mmwah.

You're gonna make an excellent lawyer.

If you don't get married first.

Thank you. That means the world to me.

Except for that last part.

I love you, sweetheart. I'll always believe in you.

I'd cry, but after my last eye job,

my tear ducts are in my ears.

Come here.

Back to the car.

Remember when I said not having a job was scary?

Well, now that I've graduated, it's even scarier.

Don't worry. You've always got me.

[Thud]

What the heck is that?

I don't know.

I didn't know daddy rented that apartment.

[Meowing]

Commander paws? Bertha kitty!

Hey, neighbor!

Oh, god. Now I'm scared.

There goes the neighborhood.

[Theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0