Original subtitles

[Knock on door, door opens]

Hey, Dee dees.

I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

No, melon ball. I'm just leaving.

I'm going to meet drew and the nanny

at his new "mommy, nanny, and me" class.

He got kicked out of his old class

for throwing his juice box at another child.

Nonsense. The reason drew left

was because he was understimulated

and needed a more advanced group.

That's the official story. We're sticking to it.

He drew blood.

You say blood, I say grape juice.

Official story.

Wow. I wish my mom had rewritten

some childhood stories about me.

Instead she told my problems

to anybody who'd listen.

Ah, that's just part of Phyllis' charm.

Actually, that's all of her charm.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

And after you finish all the tracks,

we'll sit down with Kai

and we will pick out your first single.

It's gonna be hard to choose.

Yeah, we love them all.

Well, fortunately, at delicious,

we have a very effective procedure for choosing

our releases.

Yeah. Kai says, "release that one."

And we do.

Hey, baby.

Ma, what are you doing here?

Well, I wanted to talk to you

about your mother's day present.

Well, the ultimate present would be a grandbaby.

But to do that, she'd have to get pregnant.

To get pregnant, she'd have to have sex.

To have sex, she'd have to have a man.

And she ain't got no man.

Ma!

Hey, I'm no happier about it than you are.

So anyway,

now for years I've worked with the charity

bay area mothers for others.

Oh, I'm aware of your involvement.

You gave them 5 bags of my clothes.

Well, they were ugly.

So this year, since i'm on the planning committee,

I signed both of us up to work on their

mother's day telethon.

We get to spend the whole day together

and do something nice

for underprivileged single moms.

That's your present to me.

'Cause I found that box of candy

you were gonna give me...

Ain't cuttin' it.

That wasn't for you. That's my earthquake

chocolate.

Hey, I watch that telethon every year,

and I love the weather guy who hosts it.

Gavin storm.

Ohh. I love it when he's outside

and the wind's blowing 80 miles an hour.

His hair never moves.

That's talent.

Well, if it's good enough for Gavin,

it's good enough for me.

I'll be your brother for others.

A brofo.

Ohh!

Well, how about you, Adam?

We could use some more bodies.

Well, if I had a dime for every time somebody

said that to me...

Fine, I'll tell my mom

it's my mother's day gift to her, too.

Ooh, that way I can keep the mink eyelashes

I got her.

Hey, Tiffany, Serena,

maybe you guys could perform on the show.

It'd be your first gig

since signing with the label.

Sounds like a great cause.

And the exposure won't hurt.

Ooh, my Mona's really something, huh?

It's hard to believe she was a late bloomer

with a lazy eye and corrective shoes.

Ma, do you always have to say

whatever's on your mind?

Of course. It's part of my charm.

[Knock on door, door opens]

Look who I found hiding from your mother

in the hallway.

Oh, daddy, did mother drag you out shopping again?

She's at the boutique down the street.

She said she wanted my input.

What she wanted was my wallet.

Well, I'm glad you're both here.

I've decided that mother and I are gonna volunteer

for that telethon, too,

that is if you all don't mind.

Mind? You giving of your time instead

of spending my money?

I love it.

Well, mothers for others is a good organization,

and I can always use

some more charity points on my resume.

Well, do you think your mom will do it?

Oh, Mona. Telethon means televised.

She will break out her best wig for this puppy.

[Beeping]

Oh, that's my accountant with a 911 page.

Your mother must have moved on

to the jewelry section.

Here. Take my wallet.

If I don't have it, maybe I can slow down

the spending.

[Door closes]

Daddy trusts me with this?

What was he thinking?

Ahem.

[Laughs]

Phyllis: And since you'll be working the phone bank today,

we need to go over procedures for taking donations.

Now first, we'll talk about how to deal

with annoying people.

Hello, hello.

On your feet, people.

La diva has entered.

Mmm. Mmm.

You're late.

But fabulous. So I forgive me.

Well, look, you've missed...

Oh, don't worry, phyl,

I already know everything

I need to know.

The president of the organization

filled me in

when he graciously assigned me

the phone with the most screen time.

You spoke to kwaku?

I can't even get his secretary to answer my e-mail.

Wait a minute.

You bribed him with a big donation, didn't you?

You say bribe, I say gently urged.

Can we just get back to the meeting?

Absolutely.

But can I just say

these refreshments are not acceptable.

When I chaired the Tucson

march of the dimes,

we did a smidge better than instant coffee

and snack mix.

Well, I'm sorry we don't have your breakfast liquor,

but feel free to pull out your flask.

Come on, people. Can we just focus?

I'm sorry, Phyllis.

We can't hear you. Can you turn down

your outfit?

These needy single mothers are counting on us.

And you are the woman to lead us,

since being needy and single

has always been your specialty.

And you can help with the pregnant and single women

since that was your specialty.

What? Ma.

This revelation shrouds my idol

in a hideous scandal.

I've never loved her more.

You weren't pregnant with me before

you were married.

Right, mom?

Mom?

Oh, my god, it's true.

Oh, wait.

Dee Dee's a love child?

That's hot!

So, that story you told me

about being conceived on your honeymoon

in a cabana on a white, Sandy beach in montego bay

wasn't true?

Well, your father and I

did have Jamaican jerk chicken that night.

I can't believe you would keep something

this important from me!

Dee Dee, honey, you have to understand.

Dee Dee!

Ok, thanks, everybody, for coming.

We'll see you this afternoon at the studio.

Wait. I'm confused.

Ok, see, big Dee Dee wasn't married

when she and Charles got...

Uhh! I know that.

I still don't know how to use the damn phones.

Ma, I cannot believe

you could be that insensitive.

And I can't believe you ended my meeting that way.

Well, I didn't want to say what I have to

say to you in public

because I have tact... Unlike some people...

And I know when to keep my mouth shut

unlike some people.

Yeah, that big Dee Dee is a loud one.

Not her. You.

Hey, I've thrown that unwed and pregnant bomb

at big girl plenty of times.

It's one of my favorites.

I especially like to use it during the holidays.

Yeah, but did you have to do it

in front of Dee Dee and a room full

of strangers?

Well, how was I supposed to know jumbotron

hadn't been honest with her daughter.

All I did was tell the truth.

Whether you knew it was a secret or not,

it wasn't your truth to tell.

Now look what you did. You hurt Dee Dee.

And if you want truth, here's some:

I'm fed up with you and your big mouth.

I know you didn't just speak to me like that.

That's right. 'Cause I'm not

speaking to you at all.

Come on, Dee, let me in

so I can explain.

I don't want to talk to you.

Please. I'm begging.

It's mother's day.

I'm down on my knees.

No, you aren't.

Ok, I'm not.

My dior stockings would snag.

But it's the thought that counts.

Go away!

Come on, Dee, open up.

Don't make me use your sister's

brawny shoulders

to knock down the door.

Mona's out there?

Yeah, Dee Dee, I'm here!

Maybe she'll talk to me.

I doubt it.

She refuses to even open the door.

This is going to be

a beautiful mother's day memory...

When I retell it.

What are you doing?

Getting rid of all reminders of my mother.

Dee Dee, Dee Dee, anger is one thing,

wasting a deliciously nutty liqueur

is another.

Suddenly I'm questioning

everything.

Were my parents really in love?

Is my name really Dee Dee?

Am I really a size zero?

I'm sorry my mom told you,

though I always wondered if keeping it from you

was the right thing to do.

You knew?

Would it upset you more if I did?

Yes!

Then I am as shocked as you are.

Mona, how could you not tell me?

Well, nobody actually told me.

I just did the math

and it wasn't my place to tell you.

So everyone knew but me.

How you must have pitied poor little Dee Dee,

product of her parents' lust.

It's not like it's such a big deal.

Well, if it weren't such a big deal,

then why is everyone treating it

like a dirty little secret?

Oh, it's a dirty, little secret.

I just said it wasn't a big deal.

♪ I can't describe how ♪

♪ I need you, want you ♪

♪ and I'm missing you ♪

♪ oh, I ♪

♪ I wanna know what it feels like ♪

♪ to love you ♪

♪ again, sometimes, but I know why ♪

♪ I won't get the chance to say ♪

♪ that I'm sorry for what I did... ♪

Dee Dee,

I am so sorry...

I'm taking pledges here!

Your phone's not ringing.

Well, his is.

Hello. Mothers for others.

♪ What was meant to be ♪

♪ and now our fairy tale has no happy ending ♪

♪ and I left with no good-bye ♪

♪ no reason why our love should end ♪

♪ and now I know what you meant to my life ♪

♪ I wanna know what it feels like ♪

♪ to love you ♪

♪ again, sometimes, but I know why ♪

♪ I won't get the chance to say ♪

♪ that I'm sorry ♪

♪ for what I did and I ♪

♪ dream and look to the sky ♪

♪ baby, believe me ♪

♪ I know that you hear my cry ♪

[Applause]

Oh, yes. Yes!

Great!

Yes, delicious records'

newest singing sensation...

Tiffany and Serena.

And we'd like to thank our host...

[coughs]

Our handsome host,

channel 6 weatherman Gavin storm.

Ha ha! You're too kind.

Thank you. Good-bye.

Hey, wasn't that truly inspiring

on such a beautiful day,

high 72, low tonight 56.

And I hope they've inspired you

to open up your hearts, your wallets,

and your umbrellas.

Chance of rain in the P.M.

Yes, $100 is generous, but for only $400 more,

you get 2 tickets to Adam benet's latest

one-man show,

Filipino follies.

Ok. 10 bucks it is.

Yeah, I'm the cute mocha guy with

the great smile.

How did you know that?

I'm on right now?

Your donations to mothers for others

provide services for single moms who need it most.

And after all, isn't that the least you can do

for the woman who stands by your side,

who loves you unconditionally,

the woman who gave you life?

How can I get me one of those moms?

But we need more...

More money for those valued women

we simply call...

♪ Mom ♪

Even though my mother and I haven't spoken

for 11 years.

Nonetheless, I still love her and I wish

that pride and a restraining order

didn't keep me from the woman who gave me life.

And a head of hair rated by weatherman monthly

as "best hair in the bay area."

Hey.

I'm still not talking to you.

Even if I came to apologize?

Really? Wait, is this a trick?

Lure me into a false sense of security

and then tell everybody here about

my crooked pinky toe?

Look, Mona,

I never meant to hurt Dee Dee,

and I know I'm not the most tactful person

in the world, but...

And don't say "it's part of my charm."

Well, it is.

And it's also a part of who I am.

My mother never sugar-coated anything.

She just said it like it was.

It made me strong, so that's how I raised you.

Yeah, but don't you ever wish that grandma

weren't so blunt?

Only every damn day.

Oh. Good point.

I'm sorry.

I really will try to do better.

Thanks, ma.

Sorry about you and your mother.

Oh, I just said that to stimulate

donations.

Mother and I are actually very close.

We share a duplex in San Jose.

I have the bigger bedroom.

Really?

Uh-huh.

My daughter here was conceived

to do you know the way to San Jose?

Ma, you're doing it again.

What? I didn't tell him it was playing on the car

radio at the time.

Aw. What's the use in having those

Egyptian cheekbones

if you're not gonna contour them?

Come on, sister friend. Take your brush.

What does it matter, if my own daughter's

not talking to me?

May I help you?

Just checking. Still flawless.

The perfect storm.

Some people are so vain.

I know.

As I was saying, I don't know if I can hold this

telethon together when i'm in so much pain.

Oh, how could anyone?

But the ill-attired, single moms need me.

True. The show must go on.

Oh, I just don't know. What should I do?

I hate seeing my diva down.

Maybe you should try talking to Dee Dee again.

You know, this whole mother-daughter conflict

is giving you worry lines,

and that concerns me.

I don't have a line on my face.

Could you find your own mirror?

Daddy, what are you doing here?

Your mother called and told me what happened.

So, how are things going?

Well, fine. Terrific. Never better.

Are you really my father?

Well, how do you expect me to feel?

I discover after all these years

that my very existence is based on a lie.

Sweetheart, let me try and put things

in perspective.

You see, your mother and I were already

planning our wedding

when we found out that she was 4 months

pregnant with you.

4 months?

But mom looked so skinny in all

your wedding pictures.

That's because she surrounded herself with

really fat bridesmaids.

Had me pack on 20.

We just never felt it was something we needed

to share with you.

But it's just so embarrassing.

It really shouldn't be.[Door opens]

I'll give you two a moment.

Just know I was the one that wanted to tell you.

I suppose your father already gave you all

the unsavory details.

His years with Phyllis made him an expert.

What I still can't figure out

is why you are obsessed with rewriting history

to make everything seem perfect.

I'd love to have some fabulous explanation like,

"I'm an actress and it's all about illusion."

But that's not it.

Dear, this wasn't about you.

It was about me and my shame

and my need to have the proper public image.

But more importantly, I didn't tell you

because I didn't want you to feel like you

were "less than,"

that you were "a mistake."

But by not telling me, that's exactly how

you made me feel.

I realize that now, but you gotta know

you were the best thing a poor girl from rocky mount,

north Carolina,

ever did with her life.

You made me whole.

Oh.

Mom, I appreciate your trying to

protect me,

but I need you to promise me that

from now on

you're gonna be completely honest.

With you, yes. I'll try.

But with your father, it's still gonna be...

Both: "Buy, lie, and deny."

[Both laugh]

And as we approach our goal,

let me remind you what a great cause this is.

Mona, promise me in the future

you'll tell me everything.

Ok.

You were totally bald

and wore a baby wig until you were 2.

God, you're just like your mother.

And don't forget tomorrow,

I'll be doing the weather live

from the cell of the birdman of Alcatraz.

I'm predicting it'll be lonely and damp

with no chance of escape.

[Chuckles]

And now, it's my pleasure to introduce

an amazing talent

and our biggest donor today...

The one, the only Dee Dee lafontaine!

Dee Dee lafontaine?!

What? Did somebody say, "send in the clowns"?

[Cheering and applause]

Thank you. And for my first number...

Her first number?! Oh, hell, no.

I'm going to sing a wonderful song

of independence

and enduring love.

Maestro.

[You're all I need to get by begins]

♪ Like the sweet morning dew ♪

♪ I took one look at you ♪

♪ and it was plain to see ♪

♪ you were my destiny ♪

♪ with arms open wide ♪

♪ I threw away my pride ♪

♪ I'll sacrifice for you ♪

♪ dedicate my life to y... ♪

♪ I will go where you lead ♪

♪ always there in time of need ♪

♪ and when I lose my will ♪

♪ you'll be there to push me up the hill ♪

Both: ♪ there's no, no looking back for us ♪

They both have some pipes!

Sing it, sistahs.

♪ ...that's enough ♪

♪ you're all ♪

♪ you're all I need ♪

♪ to get by ♪

♪ like an eagle protects its nest ♪

♪ for you I'll do my best ♪

♪ stand by you like a tree ♪

♪ and dare anybody to try and move me ♪

Both: ♪ 'cause we, we got the right foundation ♪

And I married both of them!

What was I thinking?!

♪ ...determination ♪

♪ you're all ♪

♪ you're all I want to strive for ♪

♪ and do a little more for ♪

♪ all, all the joys ♪

♪ under the sun, wrapped up into one ♪

♪ you're all ♪

♪ you're all I need ♪

♪ you're all I need... ♪

You look so beautiful in your wedding pictures.

I can barely tell you're pregnant.

Thank god for cousins who cheat on weight watchers.

Wait a minute... Who's this behind

the pillar?

It looks like...

My mom! She was at your wedding?

News to me.

But it does explain who snapped the bride's

head off the wedding cake.

Woman: Woohoo! [Giggling]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0