Original subtitles

[Knock on the door]

Hey, Mona, how's it... I smell chocolate.

Dark, imported, goes-straight-to-the-hips.

Hey, you're right.

That tiny nose of yours is actually good for something

besides stickin' in someone else's business.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Who are they from? Who are they from?

With my luck, the old guy in 4d

wants to experience a black woman before he dies.

You get candy?

He sends me pictures of himself in speedos.

Hey, they're from Reece wilcox, the ceo of hot liquid records.

Ooh, hot liquid! They're my favorite label!

I mean, they were...

Before my sister was the v.P. Of a&r at delicious.

So why is Reece wilcox sending you chocolate?

Well, it says he loves my work, especially what I did with the talent search.

Do you know what this means?

No, really. Do you know what this means?

Well, it's chocolate from a man,

a single, hot man, so my first thought is a romantic overture,

but since that doesn't really happen to you,

my first thought is probably wrong.

And if your second thought has anything to do with my hair,

keep it to yourself.

Ok, onto my third thought.

What we have here is some professional wooing.

I think Reece wilcox wants to offer you a job.

Wow. I've never been wooed.

What comes after chocolate?

Nothing if you don't do anything with that hair.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Laughs]

[Knock on the door]

Hello. Hello.

I just escaped a birthday party for one of drew's little playmates.

So where's drew?

Well, last time I checked,

spinning in a giant tea cup with the nanny.

I don't do tea cups unless they're filled with Brandy.

Which reminds me...

[Both] Pour mother a tall one.

Sounds like a pretty fancy kids' party.

Oh, it was a garish display.

I mean, there was a pony ride, clowns, a puppet show.

They even froze over the pool

so they could present teletubbies on ice.

Daddy was so right to have insisted on a small family celebration

for drew's first birthday.

Well, that vile spectacle I just fled has convinced me of one thing:

I've got to top it.

Mother, that is ridiculous.

Besides, drew's birthday was months ago,

so you'll have to wait till next year.

Now drink your joy juice.

Wait, hell! Drew's about to have the biggest,

most extravagant 15-month party ever.

I'm talking about Eddie Murphy in a donkey suit singin' I'm a believer.

Adam, did you open my mail?

Mona, in these turbulent times,

it's a must for your safety and the safety of all my coworkers.

He ripped it open because it was takin' too long to steam it open.

So, Mona, now that I've been dimed-out by Judas in fubu...

It's Sean John.

Baggy sweats.

[Mona chuckles]

So, who is this mysterious r.W.?

None of your business.

Hello. I don't believe we've met,

so I'll ask again.

Who is this r.W.,

and why is he, she, or they comping you floor seat tickets

to a sold-out Jay-Z concert?

Yeah. What did you do to get those tickets?

Was it freaky?

R.w... [gasps]

You're going to a concert with Reese Witherspoon?

Ooh, I'll stay home with her husband.

Adam, don't open my mail again.

Yeah. Show some respect.

So, Mona, what time should I be at your house for the concert?

I'd pick you up, but right now, my car only drives in reverse.

Thanks for coming by on such short notice.

Well, you sounded so worried on the phone.

What's wrong?

Oh, god.

Am I gonna be a grandfather?

I doubt it. The last man who touched me was tryin' to lift my wallet.

Hmm. More than I need to know.

But good.

Dad, I need advice.

I got a call this afternoon from Reece wilcox, the ceo of hot liquid records.

He's flying in from L.A. to take me to lunch,

and I think I'm about to get a major job offer.

Sweetheart, I am so proud.

[Giggles]

You think he might wanna look at some properties while he's in town?

I just acquired a great new high rise over by the...

Right. Back to you.

I think you should go and hear his offer

and order the most expensive thing on the menu...

Perhaps the lobster.

Yeah, but if Kai finds out that I met with Reece,

she'll think I'm disloyal.

Besides, I never eat lobster in public.

It's so embarrassing.

Half of it ends up in my cleavage.

Again, more than I need to know.

But if he offers you something great,

you can use it as leverage when your contract comes up at delicious.

And if he offers you something really great, you might wanna consider it.

Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to hear what he has to say.

I mean, dad, think of what I could do

with talented artists if I had more resources.

That's right. You'd be in the power position.

Let the man woo you, and Mark my words...

The more you say no, the more he'll want you.

Thanks, dad. I appreciate the advice.

I appreciate being asked to give it.

Hey, Mona. I...

What's mini-man with money doin' here?

Well...

I just stopped by to help with the thing

with the doo-hickey on the whatchamacallit.

It shouldn't give you any more trouble.

Thanks, dad.

You poor thing. You just talkin' gibberish.

Looks like that pomade finally seeped into your brain.

And for the finale to drew's fabulous party,

the univer-soul circus is going to perform.

They're all black, you know.

Even the zebras.

I'll give you the same answer I gave you

when you went to get coco hair extensions...

No.

But drew is our only son, our last child.

I mean, we can't deprive him of these precious moments.

Mother, drew's idea of a precious moment

is sticking cheerios up his nose.

Which is exactly why I hired spike Lee to direct the videographer.

You did what?!

Not that spike Lee. Spike Lee takamoto.

His father's doing the pyrotechnics.

Come, Charles.

We've gotta go see the stunt children test the giant slide.

It's moments like this I just wanna fake my own death.

[Music playing]

Dee Dee, what are you doing here,

and why are you in a cocktail dress at noon?

They're serving pheasant today, and that's a meet you dress up for.

What are you doing here?

Today is my meeting with Reece wilcox.

Ohh! Today? Here?

Yeah.

Remember when I told you 3 hours ago

when I was leaving my apartment? Admit it, Dee Dee.

You and your breasts are here to see Reece.

Well, he's a single, black mogul.

I'm obligated to make a play for him

before some white woman snaps him up.

Oh, there's Reece now.

Listen to the offer, follow dad's advice and just say no.

Except when Reece asks you if you have a younger sister.

Here's my card with my photo and number on the back.

Dee Dee, out.

Fine. But if he happens to mention

what hotel he's staying at, page me.

I'll be circling the block.

Hi. I'm Mona Thorne.

Reece wilcox. Please, sit.

I'm very flattered that you flew up

to San Francisco to meet with me.

Well, it gave me a chance to fly my new private jet, try out my new pilot hat.

I look better than Travolta.

[Laughs]

Well, thank you for the Jay-Z tickets

and the chocolates, the flowers,

the beautiful crystal bowl-vase-paperweight?

I don't know what it is either,

but it's from a place I've never heard of with a name I can't pronounce,

so must be good.

[Laughs]

Can I get you anything, Mr. Wilcox?

Cocktail, appetizer,

a highlighted map to my apartment?

When I'm ready to order,

I'm gonna have a cocktail and an appetizer,

but I'm gonna pass on the map.

[Chuckles]

I'm impressed with you already,

and, uh, I don't impress easily.

But let's, uh, deal with the issue at hand. I...

Listen, I have too much respect for you to lead you on,

and I'm sorry that you went through

so much trouble to meet with me, but...

I'm gonna have to say no.

Actually, I was just gonna ask if we could remove the breadbasket from the table.

I'm watching my carbs.

Which is why I'm saying no. I love bread.

I love a woman with a healthy appetite...

Mmm. Unless of course I'm dating her.

But... but let's cut to the chase.

I've been watching your career for some time now,

and you're aggressive, imaginative,

and you have a great ear for talent.

Mona...

I want you to be the head of a&r

at hot liquid here in San Francisco.

Wow.

That is a tremendous opportunity,

but I'm very happy at delicious.

I'll give you a bigger salary,

a corner office, and 2 weeks at the company villa in cabo.

Miss?

Bring me the biggest lobster you got.

Dad, you were so right, so thank you for the advice.

Bye.

What are you so happy about?

Did you have sex for lunch?

Better. I had lobster.

Damn. You haven't had sex in a long time.

So, did I miss anything?

Ah, things were pretty dull around here

till about an hour ago when Reece wilcox dropped in.

He's been holed up with Kai in her office.

What?! And it's tense in there.

When I brought Kai in her afternoon tootsie pops,

she threw her shoe at me.

It hurt, but it was worth it

because Reece wilcox bent over to pick it up,

and I saw Reece's pieces. [Giggles]

Oh, this is... this is the worst thing ever!

Oh, come on.

Adam's always checking out men's asses.

He's checking me out right now, isn't he?

Does anybody know what a nervous breakdown feels like?

Ohh! I gotta fix this.

Hello! I'm Mona Thorne.

I thought I would introduce myself,

since we've never met before, ever, never,

which is why I'm introducing myself. Hello.

Mona, you're scaring Reece.

Actually, the little guy's the one who scares me.

He keeps undressing me with his eyes.

[Kai] Well, thank you for dropping by.

It's always good to know what the competition is up to.

You know, uh, Kai and I,

we've been friends since we were interns together.

Friends, huh? I was gonna say rivals.

Well, we've come a long way since we had to roll joints for you-know-who.

Yeah. I was better at that, too.

[Laughs]

Spencer, I want you to write a press release

announcing the listening party for our band syllabus.

- Yes, boss. - Mm-hmm.

Can a brotha get a spelling on that?

Excuse me, Kai,

but writing press releases is my job.

Well, I'm taking it from you, and I'm giving it to Spencer.

You got a problem with that? Yeah.

Ma, this is a total nightmare.

I mean, what if Reece told Kai everything

and that's the reason she wouldn't look me in the eye all afternoon?

I mean, I always write the press releases.

So I went from having 2 great jobs to maybe not having any.

And what did I tell you about losin' your job?

I'll tell you what I told you about losin' your job.

I told you not to lose your job!

Baby, I thought you were happy at delicious.

I am.

Then why would you take a meeting with another company?

I was just following the advice that dad gave me the other day.

Why the hell would you listen to him? Look at what he married!

Why wouldn't I listen to him?

He's a businessman, and I'm a businesswoman.

And what am I?

I have a degree in giving advice.

I make my living giving advice.

But, no, you'd rather go behind my back and listen to your father

right on down to the unemployment line.

He was just trying to help, and the man is my father.

Funny.

I thought I was the one you turned to for help,

but I can't imagine why I got that idea.

I've only been there for you every hour

of every day for the last 27 years!

That's all? Seems like so much longer.

I'm not speaking to you.

Thank you, father god.

I know exactly what you're up to, Charles Thorne,

and you are not gonna get away with it.

Woman, find one psychotic mood and stick with it.

If you think you're gonna step in and reap all the benefits

after I've done all the work raisin' Mona,

you are sadly mistaken.

For someone who's not speaking to me, you sure do talk a lot.

So, what did Reece say about my picture?

Did you tell him I'm prettier in person?

Didn't you just hear me say I might lose my job?

Of course I did.

I'm very concerned.

Did he think my forehead looked too big?

I just had your baby brother fitted for his birthday crown.

And it'll look fabulous with the tiara

I'll be wearing to greet the 150 guests.

Mother, this party for drew is completely out of control.

We already did what's important.

We celebrated drew's birthday as a family.

Anything else is just flaunting your wealth.

And that's really, really bad, right?

I have to agree with Dee Dee.

Nobody has a 15-month birthday party.

I mean, drew won't even remember it.

Oh, who cares about him? I'll remember it.

And that was really, really bad, right?

Yes, and I think you know what you have to do.

Fine. I'll scale back the party,

but I won't take back the crown.

Coco can wear it at formal affairs.

[Mona] Spencer?

S-Someone's in my parking space.

That... that's a bad sign.

I think it's the beginning of the end.

Don't worry. We can call my peoples in Oakland and strip that bad boy.

Why would someone park in my space?

I mean, it's... it's not even a good one.

There's a family of pigeons living over it.

Mona, what's the big deal?

People park in other people's spaces every day.

He should know. He's one of 'em.

Yeah. You're probably right.

I'm just overreacting.

Where's my mug? I can't find my mug.

First my parking space, now my "I heart manatees" mug?

I'm gonna get fired and die in the gutter!

Girlfriend, why so stressed?

It's your situation, isn't it?

- What... what situation? - Come on, Mona.

I may not be smart, but I'm not stupid.

So you know?

I know everything that goes on in this place.

[Whispers] And personally I think its fabulous

I know. I think an offer from hot liquid is pretty awesome.

You got an offer from hot liquid?

Wait!

You acted like you already knew. You tricked that out of me.

How do you think I find everything out?

You'll need that kind of cunning at your new job.

Oh, take me with you, please, please, please!

Keep it down. I'm not going anywhere,

and I thought you liked it here.

Get real. I'd chew off my own arm to get out of this pit.

Mona.

Morning, Kai!

Did you get the fresh, warm croissant I put on your desk?

I don't like croissants. They're flaky,

and "croissant" is too hard to say.

Well, I'll get rid of it immediately and speak to the French government

about striking the word from the language.

He's a kiss-ass,

but he knows which ass to kiss.

Mona, in your office?

Kai, before you say anything,

I love my job at delicious.

I love my coworkers, my office,

uh, the walls. I love the walls.

They're purple. I love purple.

Mona, why are you telling me this?

Because you're gonna fire me.

- I am? - Aren't you?

- Should I? - Uh, is it my turn?

Relax, Mona. Reece already told me

all about the offer from hot liquid records,

and I'm not gonna fire you.

Oh, so you're just gonna torture me until I quit.

No.

You're already so tortured, you take all the fun out of it.

Look, I knew other labels were gonna come after you

if that talent search was a success.

I didn't know they'd come so soon and offer so much,

but, um, luckily Reece tried to rub it all up in my face.

Kai, I never had any intention of leaving you for Reece,

except for the short time I considered leaving you for Reece.

I know how loyal you are.

That's why I want you happy here at delicious.

Thanks, Kai.

You don't know how much this means to me!

Don't touch me, Mona.

I trust the amount is sufficient?

Well, um...

Actually, i... i was hoping for more.

I think that I'm worth it,

and so does Reece wilcox...

And he has a villa in cabo.

Well, I'll give you an office with a window.

I already have a window.

Mona, you're smart.

I'll have accounting make an adjustment.

Promise you won't regret it.

Mona, you've handled this situation like a real pro.

That's 'cause I learned from one.

Thanks, Mona.

By the way,

I hid your mug. I know it's childish, but it did make you sweat.

Ma, what are you doing here?

Taking care of my baby.

I was afraid you had a very bad day and might need me

and the comfort of my peach cobbler.

Actually, today went pretty great.

After Kai found out about me meeting with Reece,

she gave me a big bonus to keep me happy.

Ohh! So your father was right. [Laughing]

Congratulations!

Guess you won't be needin' my advice anymore.

Ma, this is not a contest between you two.

Dad and I are finally in a place where we're both willing

to do the work that it takes to get closer,

and that is gonna take a little getting used to for all of us...

Mostly you.

Look, I'm glad you and your dad are getting closer,

I really am,

but there were times when you were a child that he disappointed you,

a lot of times, and that was hard for me to watch.

So now that you're starting to depend on him more,

I just don't wanna see you get hurt.

And that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Look, like it or not, he's my dad,

and we'll always be family.

And it would really mean a lot to me

if you could try to accept that.

I can try.

Thank you.

But, you know, it's really gonna take some getting used to,

sharing you with that jackass.

[Coos]

[All laugh]

Oh, you two were so right about the party.

Anything larger would've just been pretentious.

[Carnival music playing] Mother?

I don't really think this was scaling things back.

I can't remember the last time we played scrabble.

I can. I swallowed a "w" and had to have my stomach pumped.

[Laughs]

Hey, Mona. I...

I'll come back later.

Or you could stay.

Maybe I will.

Oh, lord. Get out the dictionary.

You know your daddy can't spell.

[All laugh]

Mom, remember when daddy...

[Music plays]

[Theme music playing]

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