All language subtitles for Half And Half s03e09 Thanks for Nothing.eng

Our trip down the California
coast was so much fun.

It was such a scenic drive,

we forgot all about
our destination,

and we let the road
take us on an adventure.

Well, the map flew
out of the sunroof,

so we really didn't
have much choice.

[Laughs]

Well, that would explain
this picture of you two

next to the "welcome
to Idaho" sign.

[Both laugh] [Knock on the door]

Oh! Ray, Phyllis,
glad you're here.

I wanted to invite you
for Thanksgiving dinner.

I knew Mona wouldn't
have any plans,

but I wasn't sure about you two.

Hey, I might've had some pl...

Ok, no, I don't.

Well, you can count me
in, but ray can't make it.

Yeah. I have a charity
concert in Los Angeles

for big brothers big sisters.

I have to go with snoop dogg.

- You know snoop?
- Ray: Mm-hmm.

For shizzle, my dizzle.

Ma, snoop doesn't
actually say that anymore.

For rizzle?

Anyway, it's ok that
we're not gonna spend

our first Thanksgiving together.

I'll just save you some Turkey

and then when
you're done with that,

we'll get down
with some dessert.

Now...

That's something
to be thankful for.

This is not something
I wanna hear about.

Me nizzle.

♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

All right, so the first
thing we're gonna do

is add a wee bit
of grand Marnier

to the chocolate, like
that, and I promise you,

that is gonna have you
beg, beg, begging for more.

Taste that.

Mmm. Let the beg,
beg, begging begin.

- [Knock on the door]
- Come in!

Hey, Dee Dee, I
just wanted to know...

Wow! It smells like you've got
Willy wonka cookin' up in here!

Mona, I want to
introduce you to...

Oh, my god! Tyler Florence!

I watch you on TV all the time

because of your cute... recipes.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

I hear I got the cutest
recipes in the business.

Daddy hired him to
make Thanksgiving dinner,

and he got Tyler to give
me private lessons, too.

We are creating a
chocolate pilgrim village,

complete with each
member of our family.

You know what, Dee
Dee? You're right.

I think sculpting her hair
is gonna be a little tough.

What do you think about
a chocolate hat instead,

just a...

Hey, girls.

Just checking on how
things are going with Tyler.

Hey, money man. How you doin'?

- [Chuckles]
- Tyler is unbelievable.

He transformed an
ordinary block of chocolate

into a perfect little me.

He's just finishing
up my pecan pumps.

Well, I'm glad he's working out.

So, Mona, you gonna bring
Nick to Thanksgiving dinner?

Nick and I broke
up, 6 months ago.

Oh. I think I remember Dee Dee
mentioning something about that.

She may have, 6 months ago.

Oh, well, I never
liked him anyway.

You never met him!

Well, why should I waste my time

on somebody I never liked?

[Woman] ♪ no matter
how deep the pain ♪

♪ no matter how much it aches ♪

♪ I'm gonna be there for you ♪

- [Knock on the door]
- ♪ no matter how hard... ♪

Hey, Mona. You'll never guess
who's flying in for Thanksgiving.

My mom.

Oh! I haven't seen Tonya

since she helped you carry
me home from that frat party!

Oh, yeah! Toga-fest.

I wore silk sheets, and all
the girls kept sliding off my lap.

Please! They were jumping off.

Hey, do you think your mom's

gonna wanna see
ray while she's here?

No way. She doesn't
know about my dad,

and it's gonna stay that way.

I mean, they did not
end on good terms.

But she kept his picture
so she could still yell at him.

Who are you
tellin'? I'm president

of the children of
bitter parents club.

We meet every Wednesday at
5:00, and the new guy brings cookies.

[Knock on the door]

Hot chocolate coming
through, and I don't mean me.

I need more space for
my extended candy family.

Ooh, did you bring
some for your sister?

Here. Eat grandma.

She didn't call
me on my birthday.

Hey, Dee Dee, my
mom's coming to town.

Do you mind if I bring
her to Thanksgiving?

Oh, of course not,
but I hope she's petite,

'cause I'm down to
2 blocks of chocolate.

You know, I'm happy my mom
is coming, but I'm still bummed

'cause I can't spend
the holiday with my dad.

And why is he spending
Thanksgiving with snoop?

I mean, how would snoop like it
if I spent Thanksgiving with his dad?

I can honestly say I've never
asked myself that question.

I guess I'm just disappointed
he chose work over me.

Well, I say get used to
the fact that some fathers...

And by "some" I mean ours...
were put on this earth to disappoint.

You really think
that about your dad?

Please. He has no idea
what's going on with me ever,

but I pretend he does,
and I let him think I'm fine.

May be phony, but it works.

Well, it doesn't work for me.

Ooh!

Hey, I'm just about to
bite into Nana's good hip.

Mona, your attitude about
daddy is unfair to both of you.

People who eavesdrop from the
kitchen aren't allowed to comment.

Then people in the living
room shouldn't talk so loud.

Dee Dee, it's none
of your business.

Have we met?

When it comes to my father and
my sister, it's always my business.

Yeah. Where you been?

I think daddy has tried
to connect with you,

but maybe somebody
needs to meet him halfway.

Wow. She came down
on you kind of hard.

That's why I'm gonna
go eat 2 more relatives.

- This one's delicious.
- Big Dee Dee: Mm-hmm.

You know, you're really not
supposed to drink the cooking wine.

Oh, after a few glasses, it
all tastes the same, dear.

Well, you know, if you
insist on being in here,

can you tell me where
you keep the carving set?

Like I have a clue.

That's the maid's department,

and Elsa took the day off.

Even though I am
pretty sure Thanksgiving

is not a holiday in Helsinki.

Then shouldn't you be with
your baby drew? Remember him?

Nanny's got him covered.

But then you know
who does need you?

Dee Dee. I heard her
call from the other room.

Yeah. Thanks for coming in.
I'll let you know when it's done.

Thank you. Your
help's been great.

I'll see you later, ok? Ok.

Phew.

You needed me?

No.

I'm the one who told
you Tyler needed you.

Well, apparently I'm
a very needed person,

because everywhere I go, people
tell me I'm needed elsewhere.

[Doorbell rings]

Now I need you to get the door.

Can you believe this? Now I have
to answer the door in my own home.

What's next? Injecting
my own Botox?

Phyllis. It must
be Thanksgiving.

The Turkey's here!

What do you say we
play pilgrims and Indians?

You being me food, and I'll bring
you smallpox and wipe out your kind.

Ah, Phyllis.

Luckily, you're barely audible
through my 4 glasses of wine.

Hey, ma, your
car is dripping oil.

It's gonna stain their driveway.

Shh. I loosened the cap myself.

Where's Spencer and Tonya?

I don't think they're here yet.

[Sighs] I'm excited to
finally meet Spencer's mom,

but a little nervous
about meeting Ray's ex.

Thank god he's not here.

'Cause it would
be pretty awkward?

No, 'cause I can eat
as much as I want

without him clocking my intake.

Why do you think I
wore my eating pants?

'Cause all your pants
are eating pants.

Hey, you two. Come look at
my completed chocolate village.

See? There we all are.

Congratulations, Phyllis.

It took the most
chocolate to make you.

And I can tell which one is you.

It's the Kahlua-filled
one that's towering

over the rest of the village.

Could we try to
be a happy family

when Spencer and
his mom get here?

Oh, and while we're doing that,

let's also not mention ray.

Spencer's mom doesn't
know that they've reconnected,

and he'd like to
keep it that way.

Ooh, a secret!

Next to diamonds,
they're my favorite things.

- The bigger, the better.
- [Doorbell rings]

Obviously, that's not how
you feel about husbands.

Welcome, Tonya.

- Love the shoes.
- Thank you!

Thank you, Spencer. Come on in.

Ok.

Hi!

[Spencer] Hey, everyone.

I'd like y'all to meet
my mother, Tonya.

That's big Dee Dee,
Dee Dee, Phyllis,

and you know Mona.

Oh, Mona, it's great
to see you again...

In something other than a toga.

It is so wonderful to meet you.

Oh, Phyllis, likewise,
after all these years.

I feel like we've
already shared so much.

More than you know.

And now, I finally
know the woman

who's been looking
after my Spencer.

That's not the only man
she's been looking after.

[Stomp]

And I am happy to
finally meet the woman

who raised him so well.

You know, between us,

I used to think Spencer and
Mona were gonna end up together.

Well, you know what I think?

I'll tell you what I think.

I think the exact same
thing, but for now,

I'm gonna just bide my time

and wait on my grandbabies.

It's like there are
2 of them now.

Never mix cooking wine
with Percocet. Never!

Happy Thanksgiving.

For all the women in my life.

That's so sweet, Charles.

Yeah, dad. It's very
thoughtful of you.

I think Mona and I
will go get some water

to put all these pretty
flowers in. Mona, follow me.

Oh. I thought it
was the big one.

Mona, why didn't you tell
daddy you're allergic to lilies?

Because I'm not. I outgrew that.

Oh. Then you can smell
the Cranberries cooking.

[Stuffy] Of course I can
smell the Cranberries...

There are no
Cranberries cooking!

You don't have to lie
to daddy about the lilies.

You know, this is
the perfect chance

for you to stop being phony

and take a step toward
having an honest relationship.

Mmm, she's right, you know.

Hey, I don't just
cook. I listen.

Anyway, Dee Dee,

it's too late for me and dad

to have anything more
than what we've got.

Well, I'm not buying that.

I mean, don't you even care

about setting an example
for our baby brother

by actually resolving
family conflicts?

Have you learned nothing from
the reruns of " the cosby show"?

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, my. Ray.

What an interesting and
hopefully explosive surprise.

I hope you don't
mind my dropping by,

but snoop said I should be home
with my family for Thanksgiving.

Actually, he told me
to break out of the 3-1-0

and go kick it with
la familiaat the crib.

But I'm pretty sure that
meant the same thing.

- You know? Yeah.
- Big Dee Dee: Yeah.

Then come in. [Laughs]

Just be a dear and let me
get a better vantage point first.

Tonya.

Ray.

- Crap!
- Crap!

How ugly do you
think this is gonna get?

What is this man doing here?

Uh, mom, this is dad. Dad, mom.

I guess you remember each other.

What I don't remember
is somebody telling me

that she was going to be here.

Ray, you're bald.

There is Karma after all.

Hey, I have an idea!

Let's take a tour
of the grounds.

Ray, you go that way and,
Tonya, you go the other.

Yeah, you won't
meet up for days.

We do have a lot of grounds.

Tonya: Uh-uh.

I'm not going anywhere
till somebody tells me

what this man is doing here.

- Um, I w...
- Ray: Tonya.

Let's go talk about
this in the kitchen.

Ray, you don't
tell me what to do.

Let's go talk about
this in the kitchen.

Fine. Where's the kitchen?

Tonya: You've got
some nerve showing...

I can't believe
this is happening.

I can. It's just like old times.

Well, since we're all here
and already uncomfortable,

Mona, don't you have something
you wanna say to daddy?

I certainly do.

Thanks again for the flowers.

Spencer,

your father thinks it would
be best for everyone if I left.

So, I'm staying.

[Big Dee Dee] We're
happy to have you.

We'll just have to
shuffle the seating.

Ray, would you like to sit next
to your ex-wife or your girlfriend?

Your girlfriend?

Oops.

You didn't know
Phyllis was dating ray?

Oh, silly me! [Laughs]

I was thinking
seating arrangements,

not the sordid
lives of my guests.

Before we eat... some of
us more than we should...

Let's keep with our tradition

of everyone expressing
what they're thankful for.

Personally, I'm thankful that I
have a beautiful new baby boy

and a rich, fulfilling life...

Emphasis on rich. Ahem.

Who's next?

I'll go. Um...

I'm thankful to be surrounded

by honest, loving family members

who are always
open with each other.

Tonya: I agree.

And in that same spirit,

I am thankful to have a son

who would never keep
secrets from the woman

who raised him all by herself.

And I'm thankful to have
a compassionate mother

who understands
the difficult choices

her son has been forced to make.

And I am thankful to be
able to spend Thanksgiving

with the people I love...

And others.

And I'm thankful
to be in the center

of an uncomfortable triangle.

I'm thankful for all of you.

Ahem. And I'm thankful
for the flowers dad gave me.

- No, you're not!
- Yes, I am. They're pretty.

And I'm thankful for my new son,

my beautiful wife, and
my 2 lovely daughters:

Dee Dee, who just
made law review,

is in the top 1% of her class

and is going to be graduating

in 5 months, 2
weeks, and 4 days;

and Mona,

who has a wonderful
career in music.

That's it?

That's all you're
gonna say about me?

And I'm thankful that...

You don't have to wear
your eye patch anymore.

Thank you for noticing.

Did you also notice
my watery eyes?

They're from the
lilies you gave me.

They also made
my throat close up.

You know why? 'Cause
I'm allergic to them,

and I have been
ever since I was three!

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

And that's exactly the problem.

Either you're not
paying attention

or I just don't matter.

Of course you matter.

Then why were you clueless that
Nick and I broke up 6 months ago?

Dad, you don't know anything
about my tastes, my social life.

You don't even know
my best friend's name.

Chester?

All: It's Spencer!

I'd kind of gotten
used to Chester.

You know, and another thing...

I think you're thankful enough.

No, I don't think I am, because
this is feeling way too good to stop!

Ma, I do not need 36 rolls of
toilet paper from costco every week!

No human being goes to
the bathroom that much!

Big Dee Dee, you're
rich! News flash: We got it!

And where the hell is coco?

Because I would like to
thank her for a little present

she left on my
carpet 2 weeks ago!

Well, I'm thankful that's over.

What in the hell got into Mona?

This has taken the
art of dinner theater

to a whole new level. [Laughs]

Mom, could you
pass the stuffing?

Um, Phyllis, I meant
to tell you earlier.

Don't let ray go out for
cigarettes, 'cause if you do,

you might not see him
for another 20 years.

If you were more
supportive of my career,

I might've come back
from that 7-Eleven.

People throwing change
in your saxophone case

outside of penn station
is nota music career.

Still waitin' on that stuffing.

I only took up the saxophone
to drown out your nagging!

Well, if you hated me so much,

then why are you still wearing

that worthless pinkie
ring I gave you?

'Cause it looks
good on my finger.

She gave that to you?

Yeah. That and a bleeding ulcer.

And I hope you
still got that, too.

Anybody want anything
from the 7-Eleven?

What is it about Thanksgiving

that brings out the worst in us?

And when I say "us," I mean you.

Maybe it's the little
monster on my shoulder

that keeps egging me on.

And when I say "little
monster," I mean you.

Mona.

I was hoping to find you here.

I brought you these.

Tulips.

They're my favorite.

Isn't that thoughtful?

Why don't I go
look for a vase...

In the bedroom?

Look, it came to my attention...

And to the attention of
everyone else at the table...

That you might be
a little upset with me.

Mona, when you were growing up,

I should've been
there for you more.

Go on.

I should've gotten
to know you better

and fought harder
to keep you in my life.

I haven't exactly made
it easy for you, dad.

Having a wall up
when you're around

doesn't help you
to get to know me.

Sweetheart,

to get to the really
good stuff in life,

we have to let our guards down.

We have to take the
chance that we might get hurt.

I'd like to have a...

A better and
deeper relationship.

Daddy, I would love that.

Yay!

Now there's peace in
the chocolate village!

Man, that was some
drama yesterday.

I mean, now I know how
you felt all these years

being caught between parents.

Seems like whatever
we say or do is wrong.

Tell me about it. When it
comes to my mom and dad,

I just lay low and wait
for the shooting to stop.

Do you ever think
it would be easier

if we were born
with only one parent?

Sure. Not as many
Christmas presents to buy.

Cheaper phone bills.

Fewer people
barging in to your life.

Don't mind me.

Just stopping by
with some groceries

and to tell you what
an amazing day I had.

I woke up at the crack of dawn

and was at the outlets
by the time they opened.

Gotta beat the other women
to get the good fake leather.

Oh, and I broke up with ray.

- Spencer: What?
- Ma, why?

Because there is still some
chemistry between ray and Tonya.

Really?

The only thing I saw
between 'em was fighting.

I didn't say it was
good chemistry.

Look, ray and I sat
up all night talking

and the more we talked,

the more he realized he still
had some feelings for Tonya.

So I told him to move out.

Wow.

You sure about this?

Listen, if I was younger,

I might say we could just
spend some time apart,

but I just don't have that
kind of time to wait anymore.

Hell, I barely have time to
wait for microwave popcorn.

Ma, I'm so sorry
this didn't work out.

Me, too. You know,
I spent a lot of years

hoping a man would
come along who loved me,

and I deserve one who wants
to be with me and only me.

I really hoped it
was ray, but it's not.

I know that man's
still out there for you.

Is he?

Remember, every
man that's not the one

just takes you that much
closer to the one who is.

My mother taught me that.

She is a wise and
beautiful woman.

Yes, she is.

[Laughs] Ohh.

Well, ladies, it looks
like we're all single again,

but at least we could all
be here for each other, huh?

[Cell phone rings]

Ooh, that's Sheila from the gym.

I'm about to hit it!

Hello, chocolate Phyllis.

Feeling small, powerless?

Well, no one can help you now.

[High-pitched voice]
No, no! You're fabulous!

I bow down to you!

[Normal voice] Why, Phyllis,
that's such a lovely compliment,

but it's too little, too late!

Ahem.

[Muffled] I can explain.

The only thing you have to
explain is why you're not sharing.

Well, break me
off a foot, woman!

[Laughing]

Mmm! Mm-hmm!

All right! [Laughs]

Look, she's headless.

[Laughing]

[Theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0