All language subtitles for Half And Half s03e03 Advice to Put It on Ice.eng

[Knock on the door]

Hey! The movie starts at 7:00.

So if we leave at 4:00
you'll have just enough time

to change your seat twice,

complain about
the air conditioning

and blot your popcorn.

I don't know. That's
cutting it close.

So, what is all this stuff?

My new cabinet. The future
home of my hats and handbags.

Oh. The "svenbjorn."

Well, it was between
this and the "nilsluft,"

but svenbjorn had more cubbies.

And you're putting
this together yourself?

Why not? The guy
at the store said

it would only take 3 hours.

Dee Dee, you've never
done manual labor in your life.

Oh, Mona.

There lies the flaw
in your thinking.

Just because you "have not"
doesn't mean you "can not."

For you it does.

Please. I will whip
this puppy together

and I'll see you at the movies.

Could you bring me
back some milk duds?

♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Hey, we were supposed
to meet this morning.

Where've you been?

I was having
breakfast with my dad.

Where? The international
house of doofus?

You out of clean
clothes or what?

My dad thinks he can
make up for the last 23 years

with 2 months of
t-shirts and waffles.

It's his idea of bonding.

Looks more like his
idea of humiliation.

Heh heh heh!

Really, even I
want to beat you up.

[Bell rings]

What up with it? Ha ha ha!

Oh, hey, man. Nice shirt.

I used to have one like
that... In second grade.

Ha ha ha! What, your pops
making up for lost time?

Heh! How'd you know?

Hey, when my dad
showed up that week in 86,

I got the hoody
with the picture.

Only I was a kid,
so it was still cute.

You look like an idiot.

You know what? That settles it!

I don't like your pants either.

Spencer, can I see
you in my office?

Oh, sure! Take
away the eye candy.

What's next, the
hazelnut creamer?

Look, Spencer, I understand that

you're just getting
to know your father,

but we have a lot of work to do

and could you please
put our shirt on?

Come on, Mona,
they're just nipples.

I mean, god gave
them to everyone.

Does it bother you? Does this?

No!

What bothers me is
we got a lot of stuff to do

and you know you can't
think and flex at the same time.

Ha! Is my back
getting too massive?

Spencer, put your damn shirt on.

You know, there was
a time when these pecs

used to make you laugh.

Yeah, when you were
fat and they were breasts.

Now put your nipples away.

Fine. Have it your
way. What else is new?

Everything you missed in
the meeting this morning,

but mostly it was about
Asia, that new artist

I've been trying to sign.

Yeah, you and the
rest of the industry.

She's not gonna want
to be on a small label.

Well, I disagree.

Look, you signing Asia
is never gonna happen.

I can feel it in my
nipples, and they never lie.

[Knock on the door]

Hello, hello.

Oh, my god, you're
working with your hands!

Do you have a fever? How
many fingers am I holding up?

Relax. I'm just putting
together my accessory unit.

Is that another new wig?

Yes. I'm trying to
shake things up a bit.

What do you think?

You hate it.

So does coco.

She tried to Bury
it this morning.

Oh, I don't know what's
wrong with me, Dee.

Lately I feel stuck in a rut.

Well, maybe it's a little
postpartum depression.

No, I blew through
that in 2 days.

They have pills
for it, you know.

Those were the good times!

But now, I just
feel, I don't know,

rich and alone.

Oh, there's no reason
for you to feel alone.

Maybe you and daddy
have been so busy

being new parents that
you two need to spend

some quality time together.

Spend time with my husband.

What a radical idea.

Oh, it's you.

I thought the guy in 4b
had gotten another hooker.

Phyllis. Always fluent in
the language of the gutter.

Well, you have a
good day, no-so-lil' Kim.

You know, you're
actually glowing.

Must be the cheap moisturizer.

Actually, it's called,
"I've got a hot man."

I apply it 3 times a day.

I just don't get why
you're chasing Asia

when there's lots of local
bands we actually have a shot at.

And I don't get
why you don't get it.

Hey, kids. I have
a present from ray,

or should I say my
sweetie, your daddy,

and no relation yet, but
mama's working on it.

Every night.

Thanks for the visual, ma.

So, ray got us all tickets to
the jazz festival this Friday,

and I thought we
could all go as a family.

Phyllis, could you
please stop talking

like Mona and I are
brother and sister.

Well, I've given
up on anything else

happening between
the two of you,

unless, there's
something I don't know.

Ma, please!

Yeah, Mona squashed
that a long time ago,

Spencer: And what Mona wants...
Mona: Anyway, I can't make it.

I have a meeting with
a potential new artist.

A meeting that'll
take 2 seconds.

Trust me, she can
make it but I can't.

What have you got better to do?

Nothing. I just don't want
to sit in the hot-ass sun.

I've got delicate skin.

Well, when you put
it that way, I burn, too.

And I barely like jazz.

Truth be told, I'd rather
lay up all weekend

in the dark with your father.

I'm just gonna go
pluck out my eyes.

Heh! Good idea.

That way you won't be
able to see Asia laugh at you

when she walks away.

Asia, I know you've met
with a lot of other labels,

but what sets delicious apart
is, we're much more hands on.

So, say for instance
your first record

didn't sell that well...

Why wouldn't it sell?

I didn't say it wouldn't sell.

I was just trying
to point out...

I'm just messing with you, Mona.

Oh, good 'cause I
was about to start lying.

I am telling you, you and
delicious are a perfect match.

So, you know, I've
been doing all the talking.

Do you have any
questions for me?

Well, you know I'm a single mom,

which means even
though I love my music,

my baby always comes first,

so whatever, label I sign
with has got to understand that.

Oh, believe me I
understand completely.

I thought you would since you
got a little pumpkin of your own.

Drew?

Oh, right! My son! Which
makes me his mama.

Mama Mona, that's me.

I knew I liked
you. Listen, Mona,

why don't we get
together tomorrow?

That would be great!

Good. And our babies
can have a little play date.

Oh! Saturday is
drew's sleeping day.

Well, that's too bad
because clive Davis

is begging us to join his
grand-kids at baby yoga.

Then again, drew can
sleep on Sunday. We're on.

Good. Then we can talk and
really get to know each other.

And bitch about
our baby-daddies.

I hope you've got the whole day.

And then your father
made the caddy write

"Charles loves
Dee" in the sand trap.

Who says money
can't buy you love?

See? Your daddy's still got
a touch of romance in him.

[Knock on the door]

Hey! Just the
people I'm looking for.

It's about drew. I feel
like I am missing out

on valuable bonding
time with the little guy.

Oh, snapdragon,
isn't that sweet?

You can see your little
brother any time you want.

Great. How about
tomorrow, 10:00 A.M.?

That's perfect. That
means that Charles and I

can take that salsa dance class.

Which I don't really need

because your daddy already
knows how to turn it up to caliente!

[Humming salsa beat]

All right, cut the bonding crap.

What's up with the
sudden interest in drew?

What? A sister can't have

a genuine interest
in her baby brother?

And pretend that he's her
child to impress a recording artist

she's desperately trying to
sign to save a record label

before it turns
into a donut shop?

Delicious donuts
is kind of catchy.

"So how's your project going?"

She said, not really interested.

Well, it's taking
longer than I expected.

But I thought the
guy at the store...

I know, he said 3 hours,
and it's taking longer! Ok?

Well, do you need
any help? 'Cause i...

No! I'm doing it myself.

That is the point
of do-it-yourself.

There! Look at this!

Wow. Congratulations.

Thank you. Only 27 more to go.

Look, Asia, if you
sign with delicious,

you will be our top priority.

- Mona: You have my word...
- [Drew crying]

As a woman and more
importantly as a mother.

Uh, Mona?

I know. I wish that
baby would keep it down.

That's your baby.

Oh! So it is.

You'd think I would
recognize that cry

after 3 days of labor. Well,
I mean it felt like 3 days

because 3 days would
be too much, right?

To be honest with you, Mona,

it's between you and one
other label, but you really get me,

being a single mom and all.

Hey, us mothers have
got to stick together.

Oh! If it isn't drew
from gymboree.

And where's your mommy today?

Uh, I'm right here.
Who wants ice cream?

You're not this child's mother.

Dee Thorne never lets
her child have carbs.

I'm calling the police.

Wait! I'm drew's sister Mona.
Dee Dee Thorne is my stepmother.

So keep strolling.

You lied to me about
being a mother?

And I thought Courtney
love had problems.

Asia, you should take
it as a compliment,

that I would go to any
lengths to sign you.

Sorry, Mona, I
don't deal with liars.

Well, sometimes,
but not bad liars

that get busted this
easy. You signing me?

Never gonna happen.

Someone told me you'd say that.

Attention, everyone! I have some

very exciting news.
Adam, take notes.

Now I have to work?
I hate it already.

We are gonna launch
a national talent search

where aspiring artists
can send us demo tapes.

We'll fly out our favorite 5

and this is how we're going
to find our next big star.

Ooh, that's hot. It's
your best idea ever.

I love it. Mona, working for you

has been the most rewarding...

Dave, I have no
power to promote you.

Oh. Then I'll take a
wait and see approach.

Hey, why y'all congregating?

Somebody get fired? Ha ha!

Is there gonna be cake?

Uh, Mona, what's wrong with
the way we find talent now?

What, you mean
wasting tons of money

partying with musicians

and then having them
sign with other labels?

What's wrong with that? I mean,
partying is why I got into this business.

And of course my
passion for music.

Look, the old way of
finding talent isn't working,

so this way we'll cut expenses

and discover talent we
never would've found

with our limited
ability to travel.

Sounds kind of lazy to me.

But of course she doesn't
care what I have to say...

Well, I would like
to thank everyone

except Spencer for their
attention. Spencer, my office.

Thanks for all your support.

Come up with a good
idea and I'll support it.

Everyone, including
our boss, loves it.

So why do you
think it's a bad idea?

Ugh! Why does there
always have to be a reason?

You just can't think of one.

Oh, so now you know
what I'm thinking?

Well, I don't think you do

'cause I ain't
thinking anything. Ha!

[Knock on the door]

Dee Dee, I need to talk to you.

Dee Dee?

You know what
the secret is, Mona?

You don't fight the
unit. You love the unit.

I love you, svenbjorn.

I'll come back later.

No, no, no, come talk
to me. What's going on?

I'll be right back, sven.

Well, it's about Spencer.

There's this tension
between us...

Ah! Do you think
that he's still upset

because I got promoted over him?

Mona, it's so clear and
yet you're missing it.

Spencer is fighting you

because he's still feeling you.

But we dealt with
that months ago.

You didn't deal with it. You
told him it wasn't happening

and he had no
choice but to accept it.

Face it, Mona.
He is your Justin.

Right. Huh?

Justin, as in "just in"
case you ever need a man.

You keep Spencer in a box
and then whenever you feel like it

you take him out,
toy with his feelings

and then you put him
away when you're done,

knowing that he'll be there if
you ever need to use him again.

Wow. Did you just
come up with that?

Yep.

Not eating for 3 days
has given me clarity.

Remind me later
to call the president.

I just figured out North Korea.

Was that water guy? I told
you to make him wait for me.

Yes, but I don't interact
with pear-shaped men.

Man, when are you
gonna start doing your job?

Ok, that's the third time
you snapped at me today.

I don't take it from the
barrista at Starbucks

and I won't take it from you.

I'm sorry, man.

I don't know what's
wrong with me.

Look, my soap starts in 2
minutes, so let me break it down.

You and Mona have been
at each other for weeks.

It's like you're lovers
without the sex.

We're going through a
rough patch. It'll pass.

That's what sister Agnes
told me about being gay,

and you can see
how that turned out.

Take it from me. This
whole "will they or won't they"

thing you've got going?

It's so whitley and Dwayne Wayne

and that's so late eighties.

And why is this any
of your business?

Because your
business is in the streets

and the streets are
public, my brotha.

Let Mona go.

Tsk! I have.

No, you haven't.

Hey, you're the one
who made me promise

to let you sing love to love
you, baby at our wedding.

Because I thought you
were right for each other.

And that song's in
the perfect key for me.

But what I'm seeing now is
2 people hurting each other.

One of them has been
acting like a complete fool

and the other one is not you.

I have been kind of an ass
when it comes to me and...

Yeah, tell it to her.
My show's starting.

So, I detected my
enemy paintballers

by the smell of
their cheap Cologne

wafting from behind the hedge.

Then with a well
modulated battle cry...

[shouts battle cry]

I pelted those cowards
and grabbed their flag!

Vivateam l'orange!
Heh heh heh! Oh!

Isn't that something, Dee Dee?

Your mom's a warrior.

Righty-tighty, lefty loosey.

Well, I'm gonna freshen up

before we're off
to disco bowling.

Hurry back, my love.

Will do, angel.

I can't take it anymore!

What's wrong?

This.

What happened?

Your mother!

I took a bathroom break

and that trigger-happy
woman shot me for deserting.

This togetherness stuff
is driving me insane.

So, why don't you just tell her?

I really don't want to hurt
your mother's feelings.

You do it.

Just wait till I get in the car.

Where'd your father go?

Mom, sit down.

Daddy wanted me to talk to you.

How can I put this nicely?

You know how you're spending
all this quality time with him?

- Big Dee Dee: Mm-hmm.
- Stop it!

That orange-headed wimp.

Who leaves the battlefield
because of a little bladder issue?

I think he's feeling
a little smothered.

And, mom, shooting
him in the head?

You know paint and
pomade don't mix!

[Sighs] Oh, well.

This week reinforced
what I already knew.

The secret to a happy
marriage? Minimum contact.

I'll just have to keep
looking for happiness

and my platinum
card will guide me.

Oh! I see big girl
let you off the leash

it looks like she tagged you

before she released
you back into the wild.

Shocking that you're
still single, Phyllis.

Thanks to the
court of California.

And I do have a man who doesn't
need a booster seat at dinner.

Give it time. Your
nagging will shrink him.

Adam, could you
make copies of this?

Hmm. For immediate
release: "Sing for your bling.

"Fame and fortune
could be yours.

"A nationwide search is
underway to find exciting new talent.

Employees of delicious
records are ineligible."

Copy it yourself, dream killer.

Hey.

Mona, could you
see me in your office?

[Sighs] Listen.

I know I've been kind of edgy,

and I think I know why.

Hey, anybody wanna
sponsor a brother

in the 10-k for the kids?

Actually, my kids,

but that child
support ain't no joke.

Would you keep it down?!

[Whispering] Mona and Spencer
are having a private conversation

pledge up if you want your mail.

Anyway, I'm sorry for bringing
that stuff to the workplace.

I guess instead of dealing
with you as my friend,

I started to see you as more.

But still as my
friend... But more.

Well, I guess I've been a
little vague about us, too.

Ooh, they're gonna do the nasty!

Shh!

When we kissed, I thought I
wanted what I thought you wanted,

but I think that we were just
holding onto the possibility

of what we wanted, just in case
one day we actually wanted it.

You know, I wish we never
started down that road.

It's just confusing things,
and you know I confuse easily.

Yeah, you do.

So, guess we're back to
being what we used to be.

Me being confused?

No. Best friends!

Oh... until the end.

Unless we have a
little too much cristal...

Spencer... never gonna happen.

Congratulations. I'm impressed.

Well, it was nothing,
really. I mean,

what's a few days
losing 5 pounds

and all the feeling
in my left hand?

And I thought the only time
you Dee dees used your hand

was to signal for the check.

We're not just pretty.
We're also handy.

So, is this where this
thing's gonna live?

No. I'm putting it in
the bedroom, silly.

Yeah? How, exactly, are you
gonna get it through that door?

Ok, maybe sometimes
we're just pretty.

[Theme music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0